*blocks your path*

No thank you

>>735564909
south park sucks

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Give them this and run off

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bH9Gup92-1I

>>735564909
I keep a copy of the Book of Mormon on my phone, and say I'm a lil too busy to talk but I'm trying. Works every god damn time.

>>735564909

command my secret service, composed of dozens of elite snipers, to devise a plan that would definitely kill them.

>>735564909
*gay anon* Grab the cute one's shoulder and say "You look like you work out? Did you play football in High School?"

>>735565223
all mormon's are repressed gays though

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>>735564909
Those are probably not bad guys. Usually offer to help with shit for free.

Bunch of murderous corrupt fucks in the past though.

>>735565387
honestly, mission life sucks. It's legitimately a mercy for them to do your chores or yardwork for you

>>735564909
Explain to me why this religion is fucked?

>>735565480
Never took them up on it. Seems like a shitty thing to do after telling them to fuck off.

>>735565600
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_The_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints

>>735564909
"i prefer not to spend the prime of my sexual years in the company of men.

if you'll excuse me, i'm off to suck a tranny's dick. "

~Blah blah blah he was a pro-phet bum bum bum bum bum~

ahh mormons. the white gardeners.

>>735564909

Im a hospice nurse, I was out smoking one day when I was working day shift and had a pair of these guys come up to me. They asked me what kind of place I worked at and I told them.

They asked if i ever thought of the afterlife and I said not really.

Then they told me basically that if i didn't believe in their religion that I was going to hell.

>>735566121
>implying trannies are men

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>>735564909
*jihads your path*

>>735565480
They will do your yard work? Not here in southern California

>>735566571
Sounds like most religious

I was one of these guys. ama

>>735564909
why do i want to punch the guy on the left?

>>735566932
why does god need you as a spokesman

>>735566932
Did lonely women just keep you around to make conversations or temp you?

>>735567021
he didn't. But they teach us that a Prophet calls us to go out and that its a commandment that the faithful preach the word.

>>735566789
if you talk to them, they will ask to see if there's anything they can do for you. Take them up on that.

>>735566932
what made you leave

>>735567135
Yes about 6/10 of our teaching appointments were to single older women. Usually they were 60+ so they didn't tempt us.

I say, "Get out of my way, cult boys!"

>>735567214
Its a cultural right of passage that lasts for the men (boys 18-25) 2 years and for the girls (19+) a year and a half. I completed my two years, came home, and realized its all bullshit a few months later.

>>735567152
ahh so you follow a prophet and not god; you're deflecting the larger issue at hand.

>>735566789
They used to. years ago. Not anymore though. Not since maybe 15 years.

I grew up in a mormon household. While I am no longer mormon, i am very grateful to have grown up surrounded by mormons. While there are many who are too optimistic and fake, there were also many who were just genuinely very nice and happy people. I dont wanna toot my own horn, but i feel like growing up mormon is the reason why i value hard work and kindness as much as i do.

>>735567350
Yeah exactly. A prophet that is said that God talks directly to him and he tells the people of Earth what God says. And right now Hes telling the prophet that gay people are evil

>>735567366
how old are you now boyo?

"Learn about true satanism u stupid god ass suckers"

*Pull out my dick.*

Id whisper in their ear if they've ever tried butt stuff while jerking off one and fisting the other

>>735567346
welcome to the fold. religion for a lot of people is a convienience in present day; a cultural center.

the old shit of providing an explination for the way things are have so many holes in it, it's vacuousness is only comparable to joseph smith's knowledge and practice of accounting and egyptian hyroglifs.

>>735567472
20. why?

>>735564990
You're too young to understand the jokes.

>>735565223
They look like they are still in high school

>>735567346
>and realized its all bullshit a few months later.

Care to expand on that?

i'm a mormon... there's alot of gays here guys

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>>735564909
Invite in for coffee and chat, chain them up in Rape Dungeon. I'll have the cunts on their knees crying out to Jesus to save them.

>>735567713
kek

> be german
> grow up in france
> get annoyed by jehovahs witness most sundays
> move to german for studying
> witnesses knock on my door
> hi, we had your name on our list in france and wanted to make sure you're feeling welcome in germany.
> proceeds to imply for the next half hour, that I must be lonely and sad, since all my friends are french and germans suck
They basically acted like drug pushers. Fucking witness even showed up a second time after I moved within the city, trying to pull the same lonely lost guy routine.

>>735567360
also, don't masturbate. god's plan is awesome, all of it, jsut don't touch the thing god designed you to touch, because reasons and so fourth.

sl tribune just posted some article of some such stating that rate of membershp increase is on a downward trend, comparable as far back as ~1930's.
www sltrib.com/home/4776326-155/mormon-growth-slowing-dramatically-in-us

but then again, that's not subject to just lds faith; across the board religious activity appears to be a downward trend.

i would guess that printing press's (and therefore literacy) relationship to the bible and the fragmentation christiandom away from the vatican could be analogous to the internuts (and widespread dissimination of porn) and teh general migration away from religion at large.

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Hello 911! These Mormons are sexually harassing me!!!

>>735567544
cus its nice knowing that people are abandoning religion earlier than ever

>>735564909
I can spare some time for Jesus, what's he up to now?

>>735566571

repost because forgot to tag the thread I was replying to...

as an ex-mormon, I can assure you mormons don't believe in a hell. They believe in 3 heavens. The most awful of people are going to the bottom heaven which is said that you'd kill yourself to get to if you saw it. There is a temporary things called "spirit prison" that you go to if you're bad, but only until the final judgement at which point you get sorted into one of the three heavens.

The one exception is what Mormon's call "outer darkness" which almost no one on this earth is eligible for. You must have a perfect knowledge of christ, yet deny it anyway. So if like you saw an angle manifest in front of you telling you the mormon church is true, and you're like "nah, I'd rather hang with satan"

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god says not to masturbate. If that rule applied to me I would be in hell right now.

>>735567981
yeah the definition of outer darkness/sons of perdition seem to change; the whole "doctrine and covenents" thing is awefully convenient.

"god didn't reveal truth earlier cause we werent ready"

yeah, kinda convienent in a lot of instances. when suddenly the populace at large become strongly in favor of treating a large segment of population right, suddenly god thinks it's okay (and even then it takes "god" some time to come around).

mind you, i'm not knocking someone who happens to be mormon per sae; it's more about the institution at large.

now, why did a mod delete that post?

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>>735564909
Ask them about Kolob. Trust me, it's entertaining.

>>735568392
Re write it. Mods are weak.

>>735568392 >>735568312

They didn't, it was my post that I deleted because I forgot to include the comment I was replying to: >>735568105

>>735564909
get on my knees and worship the elder on the rights cock

>>735567683
Things just didn't feel right to me, then I decided to look at the church objectively, like I did the rest of the world. I didn't give it any kind of logical immunity and I just realized that there is absolutely no way that it can be true as it claims.

>>735568105
the whole idea of hell via bible is isolating you out of heaven/gods prescence, et cetera.

so its more of a relabling;
"it's not hell, it's outer darkness"

did some super brief reading on bible concept of hell, found this wiki article.

jist is,
"need to sacrifice our kids to god, lets do it in this arbitrary city"
"geez this city sucks, so much child killing, wouldn't visit again"
"if you're a dick you're going to go to that child killing city"
tada!

en wikipedia.org/wiki/Gehenna

>>735569119
ahh okay appears i jumped to a conclusion. then again a self deleted post is a rare site.

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>>735564909
5...4...3...2...1...

>>735564909
Pull out my pipe and start smoking weed until they go away

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>>735570004

>>735568105
yeah but unless you get into 1st tier of the celestial kingdom

YOU AINT' GETTING NO DICK BOI

>>735564909
I offer both of them blowjobs for free

Former Mormon Missionary here who recently left the church. AMA

How do they get money if they're always on there bikes riding somewhere

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rape and kill them

>>735565074
>kek

excuse me my good sirs! but you blocking my way to the brothel!

>>735565387
>Bunch of murderous corrupt fucks in the past though.
And probably in the future at some point.
Abrahamic religion is a breeding ground for genocidal murder.
>The Jews used to murder the fuck outta people in the BC until people killed them the fuck back.

>Catholics engaged in a lot of ethnic cleansing until the protestants did it better

>Now that the Protestants are having trouble doing that whole mass murder in the name of god thing, Muslims are doing it.

Literally every Abrahamic religion tries to kill everyone who isn't exactly like them. Its only a matter of time before the Mormons start shooting up mosques and schools and shit. Its just based on how long the cult has been around.

>>735573105
Where did You serve?

>>735573328
Hey camfag

>>735574425
hello there

>>735574458
Do you have a thread tonight or are you just /b/rowsing?

Tell elder dickyballs and elder mathiastwat I don't donate to any organizations, say they dont want money just want to come by and keep chatting with me. Next week knock on the door, playing vidya so I ignore it.

>>735574504
browsing i dont feel like making a thread 2night

>>735574654
K

>>735567887
Did you ask them to never bother you again?

>>735564909
Hello gentlemen.
Have you accepted Jesus as your personal lord and savior?

>>735574669
Yeah, but I was polite. I guess that was the problem. My gf apparently got pretty pissed they showed up the second time.
Been quite ever since.

>>735574256
Tennessee

>>735575032
You a brother or sister?

>>735573105
Why'd you leave?

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>>735564909
I ride pass these faggots on my bicycle. I actually thought they were brokefags who worked for the Geek Squad at Best Buy and couldn't afford a car.

>>735564909
Open my beer and shake it onto them. "Begone soulless boring tools! The power of party compels you."

>>735565074
Cuck

>>735573890
> Abrahamic religions kill people
> Doesn't mention Islam

I don't mind Mormons. They do actual charitable work. Which is more than most people in this thread.

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1) I don't want to wear magic underwear
2) I don't want to cover myself in oil and get molested
3) I don't want to pay for membership
4) Joseph Smith was friends with a well known Gold counterfeiter
5) All of the "witnesses" later converted back to their original religion and therefore rejected mormonism.
6) Science has debunked the whole "ancient american Israelites" already.

>Now fuck off

>>735575621
oh shi-

>>735567573
Pretty sure if you can understand the language they are speaking you can understand South Park jokes.
It's not exactly highbrow comedy

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>>735567201

>they will ask to see if there's anything they can do for you.

Ok...

>>735575621
Wow you disproved a religion.

As amazing feats go, that's up there with a lifting a pencil.

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>>735567201

>if you talk to them

I live in Germany and have seen them a few times in the last 30 years but they NEVER tried to talk to me or anyone else on the street or knocked on my door.

Only interaction I ever had with an American Jesus freak was on Cologne's downtown shopping mile. Dude told me he wanted to talk with me about Jesus in the middle of the fucking street. I was just like "Hrmpf" and walked past him and he asked me why I'm so cold hearted against good.

>>735565600
cesletter.com

No joke, this "religion" was an excuse for a farm boy to avoid his shitty farm life, Fuck bitches, and get money. 100 years later, idiots haven't figured it out. That one south park episode was very accurate.
>>735566305

>>735568105
This guy knows

I was Mormon for the first 17 years of my life, they teach good morals mostly, and a lot of rules and shit about God. Like I wasn't allowed drink coffee until I was 18. But my dad gave me Bailey's in my coffee since I was like 14 so fuck my mom. Oh and now I'm what you may call a tranny and shit. I went to church for mothers day cause my mom begged me to go. Everyone was shocked and I had fun fucking with people all day.

>>735566571
bull. shit.

>>735575707
Beyond the piss fart jokes, You'd be surprised how much thought and depth goes into south park episodes.

>>735566697

Ginger jihad!

>>735576435
Wich Episode? I'm down for some South park

>>735576757
wikipedia.org/wiki/All_About_Mormons

yo where can I watch south park online for free and I mean all episodes?

>>735577029
Thanks

>>735569801
Sounds like someone's going to outer darkness

>>735577075
http://mywatchseries.to

>>735576134
i live in america, those people are the fucking worst. leave me the fuck alone. also that question, "have you ever heard about jesus?"
who the fuck aint?
who da fuk is jeezus??

>>735578371
thanks bro!

but there's a living prophet who speaks directly to him every day!

LDS church leaders and student manuals note that none of the witnesses ever denied his testimony as it was printed in the Book of Mormon nor denied that Smith was a true prophet at the time he translated the book.[15]
Apologists note that after being excommunicated, Harris and Cowdery later returned to the church