Tell your secret time

I go on here

Ever since my mom died, I feel like most of the people who I trusted and loved have become more and more distant.

Almost agreed to taking my daughter to do a porn video on her 18th birthday.

>>734589817
who's plan was that? what would she have had to do?

>>734589513
Not sure if i wanna get banned or not... but here it goes...
I once... Threw out some chocolate milk...
In my defense... it was expired...

I forced my ex gf to get her family dog to lick her vag and record it for me

>>734589867
My daughter will be turning 17 in June and I called a place in Chicago, about a 4-5 hour drive from me, to see about getting my daughter a male escort on her 18th birthday. I'd bring her into town and we'd go out to clubc, etc,. I would be along the whole time for her protection. The guy interrupted me and said "let me film it." Note, at this point he didn't know she was my daughter yet since I'd just said "a girl I know on her birthday" in the beginning.

>>734590017
and I also hadn't said anything about having sex with her at that point.

>>734590101
I told him that she'd said stuff now and then about going to California and doing porn. I thought maybe this would be a good test for her and she could find out is she really did like it or not. If not, it might save her from going out to the west coast and maybe getting trapped in the lifestyle.

>>734590361
are you a mother or father? this almost sounds like one of those 'teach her how' porn videos..

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>>734589986
The new mods are fags... I would have been banned in 60 seconds flat in the good ole days...

>>734590630
I'm the father. I didn't want to take over the thread with more if there wasn't interest.

I'm an active zoophile, but it's been a few years since I've had a dog fuck me and I'm really missing it.

I'm incredibly sexually attracted to my daughters

>13 replies
>6 posters

>>734590749
I asked him what would be the best scene to shoot. He said "for me to cum in her mouth." He was very excited I could tell at the idea of cumming into a young girl's mouth on her 18th birthday. I asked him, what's your age by the way. He told me that he is 43 and then asked if he could ask me a question. How do you know this girl? I told him, she is my daughter.

>>734590920
Are you male or female?

>>734589513
I pulled a switchblade on a kid back in elementary school. Not only was the blade illegal, but the his scalp fetched a fine price.

the first parts true tho.

>>734591030
I'm posting on /b/, take a wild guess.

>>734590971
Should I continue?

>>734591277
Faggot

>>734591502
Moar plz

>>734591568
He was even more excited and had me sending him more and more pics of her over email. He went on to tell me how he'd fuck her and give her the royal treatment before dumping a big load in her mouth. He asked me if I thought she'd swallow. I said, yeah if I told her it was alright. I asked, you're disease free and all right? HE said yeah. I told him we could make it happen.

>>734589513
I am lesbian, and my family doesn't know.

>>734591601
I asked him if he knew how to upload the video to the adult sites or whatever. He was surprised at first but then said that he could do it and would be excited to. He went on to say Pornhub, Xvideos and all of them. If my daughter wanted to be a porn star tis would be a good test for her.

>>734591656
how do u know? have u acted on it and if so how?

Just smoked crack for the first time. AMA.

i shower with my sister's 9 year old dogs when they spend the night. its nothing sexual and i would never do anything bad to them. just showers.

I'm in love with my dog. Seriously. And I'm scared

>>734591513
Mad that I can enjoy prostate stimulation and vaginal sex without questioning my sexuality and having a life crisis?

>>734592142
have u done anything sexual?

my mom's fingers car tried to father me in back.

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i like the idea of hookers

I'm a closeted anal slut. I don't like men at all, but normal vaginal sex is boring. I just want a girlfriend who prefers reversed role sex over normal sex and wants to fuck my ass whenever she's horny.

I would never actually tell anybody this not anonymously.

>>734592100
are they shitty little yip yap dogs?

this one time i accidentally my 7yo sister

I'm bisexual and male

>>734593827
prove it

>>734589513
I have a small dick, and I hate myself for that. My friends think, that I'm kind of alpha male and I've had a lot of girlfriends, but the truth is I'm a virgin. More and more often think about suicide.

im wanna die no lie

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>23
>have little sister.
>sleeps with me.
>laying down in bed.
>sister: "¿mmm...you on top or me on top?"
>me: "you get on me".
>get in position.
>very quietly do like video related.
>the end.

i eat my own shit

>>734594000
If all the faggots are right Trumps gonna cause the end of the world, thats like quiting 20 minutes before the end of the movie

I once fingered my cousin; I was 14 and she was around five.

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I want to learn Russian, but I also want to re-learn Korean, learn Mandarin, and possibly continue learning Japanese despite not being able to move there (possibly ever).

I guess when it comes down to it, I just want to achieve what I was too stupid to realize I could have had before. I act as though I'm well-composed and have things under control, but the truth is, I'm a nervous wreck and pretty indecisive more often than not.

I got an amputee fetish, I jerk off like twice a day to crippled girls, but I doubt I'll ever actually have one of my own

>be me
>be married
>have child through the marriage
>theres another woman
known her longer than my wife
>this bitch told me not tomarry
>fast forward 6 years
>huge argument with wife
>leave
>travel 800 miles to meet other girl
>best night of my life
>like being struck with clairvoyance spell
>have child with wife
>dont know what to do

6 years ago my best friend got killed by a drunk driver. I ended up marrying his fiance.

I'm not sad that he's dead.

i went and stayed at my parents friends condo and it snowed to fuck, I went out and had to get the neighbours kids to help me with some of the chores and shit so I didnt fuck up their property. Struck up a conversation with the girl, the last two nights she ended up reking my dick and balls with her mouth. Pure cock and ball destruction.

Turned out she was only 13.
Act like I didn't know and it was innocent
I knew

>>734594414

google the movie: Boxing Helena. Its a very old movie but i think you will like it.

I had a 5 year affair with a woman who was 7 years younger than me. I wasn't happy in my marriage, so I'd fuck her daily. Sometimes I'd fuck them both on the same day, sometimes an hour apart without even washing my dick. It's over now, but it was good to know I still had it in me to make a 21 year old legs shake. Some of the best sex in my life.

I can fit more fingers up my ass than my boyfriend.

He's the bottom.

>>734594275
well, i guess you can say you touched pussy once in your life before you die.

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The real reason I've been trying to lose more weight is so that I can easily slip into skinny jeans and appear...not so much 'more feminine,' but rather 'less masculine.'

I fap to a family members Facebook pics to often....with one of her thongs

>>734594417
I'm about to leave wife with child to be with other woman. Like I said, clairvoyance. it's crazy

I used to ravage my brothers wife. I saw her as just a sex object. My bro knew the whole time he didn't stand up for himself. In fact when he divorced her he threw her at me. For 2 years she was my sex slave. She loved him but only I could unlock her submissive side. Idky tho.

>>734589798
dude are you me?

>>734594478
lol that dude with the pointing with devil horns

>>734591827
He seemed surprised because most horrendous parents don't make it so obvious.

>>734589513

I was molested exactly once as a kid and now I'm 29 and terrified of intimacy and social interaction in general. I can fake it well enough at work but my head is just constantly flooded with "you're a fucking loser."

>>734592095
Loser. Enjoy losing everything you have.

>>734594597
Think it through anon. I did the same, and it wasn't worth it. I ended up coming back home, and I'm grateful for that opportunity.

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I washed out of the military twice before I hit age 20. The last time I washed out was from the Army in 2008, during AIT. I struggled for years with personal guilt, shame, and being a disappointment, but the more I've learned about geopolitics, American foreign policy, and the military industrial complex itself, the less ashamed I've become for breaking the generational/family 'tradition' of military service and not being another cog in the war machine.

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>>734594716
same, though I wasn't molested.

I turned my girlfriend and her drug dealing side piece in to the police. No idea how long they are going away for, but since they both have previous convictions, I doubt it will be less than 4 for the amount of drugs, money and weapons he had at his place. All she had to do is either remain faithful or break up with me. I would have been fine with it. Exposing me to possible stds and/or thinking that I am a cuck is unforgivable.

All three of us are white, so no blackened fantasies for that crowd.

>>734594694
The reality was, it was all fantasy and I never actually planned on taking her out there to see him.

>>734594616
Pics?

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>>734589513
i'm really sad in reality all i want is some one to cuddle and watch a movie with me

>>734594978
You did good anon

>>734590009
That's hot. I make my dog lick my cock all the time. His diet is mostly cum and piss lol

>>734595061
Well how picky are you?

>>734592842
So you like the idea of hookers, but not actually fucking hookers?

>>734594239
I think, it's unlikely that I'll die from nuclear weapon, cause I live in Siberia. Who the fuck will bomb fucking Siberia? Nobody cares about us, lol.

>>734595061
hmu i like to help a someone out <3

been depressed for majority of my life. finally getting help. gf of 3 years who i was about to pop the q to cheats on me and leaves me for another dude. constantly bouncing between wanting her back and not. hate myself for not being able to tell her to fuck off. most days when i go to bed i pray i dont wake up. still trying to keep going hoping it gets better. takes every once of energy to get through most days, still wont allow myself to quit trying

>>734589986
MODS

>>734590009
care to share the vid?

>>734590017
I wish my dad tried doing that for me.

>>734594995
Ok, that's well within /b/ tolerances and rather interesting.

>>734595471
I can send screenshots on kik, I still need to edit the videos

I wanna eat my own cum but I always chicken out after basturbating

>>734595452
It's too late, the mods are asleep

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>>734595553
fuck bring on the sinks!

>>734590965
how old are they?

>>734595507
This is a video that comes close.

https://spankbang.com/1izs/video/castingcouchteens+chelsea+rae

Femanon. I think my cousin is hot, and he just broke up with his ex. It's um like erm and yeah.

>>734595040
None sorry, this was during my
>Reeeee I hate technology
Phase. She came on to me, said since I'm closer to her age then he is, that I get along with her better she felt drawn to me. I loved beating her before or after sex. She's a sadomasochist.

>>734595445
Well you should tell her to fuck off and find another girl.
>>734589513

>Tell your secret time
I steal things all the time.
Not from people, but mainly stores(I do that once and while) and from work(I really need to stop).
Will I get caught? Who knows, will I care?
>probably not
I have no clue why I do it.
Ive never been black.

>>734589513
i hate the smell of buneons
and the person they sent to kill me didn't succeed
https://youtu.be/7JA5i0INyVg

>>734594716
Sorry to hear that. I have social anxiety from constant criticism in school, I know those feels.

>>734589513
I'm bisexual, and had sex with both girls and guys.

>>734589798
They don't know how to treat a person who is mourning, or they're so selfish they think "Daaaamn that guy whos mom died isa total buzzkill, he won't want to go clubbing or to the beach so I'll just avoid him"

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>>734595711
Well as long as it's consentual.

my close friend sucked my dick when I was like 13.
>not gay
>might be homophobic now because of that experience

>>734594408
just speak English. That's the only one that matters

>>734595948
That's called immaturity.

>>734595518
Baunspieler on kik

>>734595857
>>734589513
this is same guy
the others are trolls

>>734596006
...so getting free head made you homophobic?

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>>734594414
katawa shoujo
>feels

>>734594408
Cyka blyat

>>734594451
Its ok, you're just being honest about the fact that you value a piece of pussy over camaraderie.

>>734596103
Well if it was unwanted then it's rape.

I basically fingered a sleeping girl and got a handjob while on a plane without her consent.

She mustve woke up eventually cause she started jerking me on her own. it was my senior trip in highschool and I never had to see her again but she did mention it to her friends but they didn't believe her.

>>734594478
I've seen it but it might be time for a rewatch.

About a year after soul surfer came out my ex wanted to watch it and I had to act like I hadn't already seen it 3 times.

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>>734594590

>>734589513
Im in love with a tsundere without the dere but trust me the chemistry is there

>>734590017
what an idiot

>>734595811
trying. emotional bond was super strong so its hard. she was there when my mom died, miscarriage etc. she ripped my heart out.

>>734595518
xxmaca25xx on Kik!

I stole my friends mom panties. I wear them and fap with

>>734596327
Lvl 1

>>734594815
fuck the military. I'm getting out asap. kostgard

>>734596142
oh yeah sure he unwilingly let his friend suck his dick....by force. that happens.

>>734596351
What Did he mean by this

>>734596387
Men can be raped.

>>734596165
more secrets of my life

I hooked up with a girl from anonidate, she was 13 I was 21. god damn I miss that pussy it was so good.

>>734596401
That their secret is pretty blah compared to the others.

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I actually have crippling depression. not joking
Ever since i was 4-5 I started harming myself on purpose. I always thought i was never going to make friends and i always get bullied in america early after i moved to america from germany. i was in first grade and i was bullied and got called a Nazi and started mocking my german accent and started beating me. ever since i was growing up i still wanted to kill myself, i never not had the feeling to kill myself once a day. My mother tried to give me anti-depressants but i always OD'd on them. I dont know how im not dead yet. I still want to kill myself and i still get bullied and shit for being gay too. I went to a mental hospital 8 times in my life and if i go there again i might stay there for years
>feels bad man

I'm suppose to be trying to pay off my defaulted student loan but instead i spent most of my paycheck this week on another gun.

>>734596301
Messaged

>>734589513
Q: how much chuck could a wood bark bark if a sawmill ran on sand ??

A: 666

>>734596103
I think so. Because it was from a dude. Maybe I didn't mention that.

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I had a disease in my childhood the doctors said I would not likely survive past my early teens, so when I was 14 and still alive one of my dads booty calls called him up wanting to fuck, but he said I was over, to which she replied she'd fuck me too. My dad then asked me if I was down to fuck, I said yes.

What resulted was the most awkward thing i have ever experienced. She came over, my dad called me over, essentially felt her up with my hand, then I got naked and she blew me while my dad fucked her doggy style.

She later finished me off in the bedroom with a handjob.

Suuuuuper awkward and probably most fucked up experience that has happened to me.

My dad claimed he was trying to allow me to experience everything in life before I died. I survived and am now 27.

I was drunk at a bar and all my friends left me. Asked a twink for a ride home and invited him in. He literally gave me the best blow job ever

>>734595552
Could always turn it into pancake syrup like this guy https://bestofama.com/amas/1mdxqk
and slowly use less corn syrup until its just plain semen on your pancakes

>>734589513
someone cut my thumb while i was sleeping

>>734595983
5983
My fav was dinner time with her at her apt.
>she cooks up meal but only preps one plate
>she gets half naked and sits on the floor next to my chair.
>she begs for food scraps from my plate
>I slap her around and tell her no human food
>eventually give in and give her some treats
>put her leash on and walk her to the living room.
>watch TV while she sits on my lap
Power is a hell of a drug

>>734591136
Shut up I told the principle immediately with your dumb ass mohawk I know who you are angle and it was the other way around but I didn't get in trouble since I said you did it before you could even know what happened I was fucking robin

>>734596614
Freddy Kruger!

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>>734596549

>>734589513
i have blood on my computer screen

I love my girlfriend

>>734596549
lol

>>734596427
sure. don't see how that has got anything to do with it though you can't just let someone suck your dick and then expect anyone to believe in the notion that it wasn't your intention to do so.

>>734591656
I think you had a traumatic last experience with your bf. No dildo feels as good as the real thing.

>>734596663
Eww get a tampon bitch!

>>734596728
how do you know this?

>>734591601
Fake and gay go to sleep it last your bedtime kiddo go fantasize about being scummy dad while spooning your body pillow

>>734594408
Здpaвcтвyйтe!

Fucked my dog when I was 14 I was drunk of a bottle of whiskey, I hate thinking about the memory sometimes pops up. I'm now 25 I'm straight btw

i can speak several languages, even cat, dog, bird, and /trout

>>734596919
how old are you fag

>>734596550
did you reciprocate
are you gay
Did he expect anything in return?

>>734596637
robin you know better to never eat in the batmobile while driving

>>734596787
Neither fake nor gay

>>734596989
No
No
He was jerking himself off during it.

>>734597140
Femanon that sounds really hot.

>>734594978
Nice. Vengeance is sweet.

>>734597140
do you feel guilty about it at all?
how old were you at the time.
I ask because of my similar experience>>734596006

Thinks my friend's gf is probably the best looking woman I know irl, and she keeps fucking touching my arm and shoulder and shit every time we talk. She does this occasionally with other people too but seems to do it ALOT with me. Sometimes I wonder if we fucked, would we be able to play it cool and not let my friend find out. I was friends with her first and only know her bf through her but her bf is a pretty cool dude so seems like a dick move. Plus they've been together for like 8 years, don't want to cause problems. Also don't know if she's really flirting or just acts thats way because it's her personality. If I read the cues wrong and tries something, it could be completely disastrous.

She saw me with another cute girl the other day and the way we acted was pretty obvious that me and other cutie we're fucking. She started REALLY turning up the kino after that. Squeezing my shoulder and finding excuses to put her arm around me and shit.

Should I go for it /b? Don't really want her as gf tho cause she's slightly ocd but would be a nice fuck, with possible disastrous consequences.

>>734597208
It was. Prolly a gallon of explosion

>>734597313
Do you want to watch the world burn?

I've stolen several pairs of dirty underwear from my neighbors sister...she's only sixteen

>>734597302
I felt weird for a few days for sure. But it's whatever

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>>734597344

>>734597313
no women are awful about secrets

so unless your urge to get your dick wet outweighs your friendship with your bro then nah.

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Soo many. Lately ive been needng money so I post sissy maid house cleaning and yard work on craigslist, most just want a blowjob or to rim me tho>.< have a gf and thinking about answering these two cpls. One is gay and wants to spit roast me other is a cpl who wants me as their pet(i stopped replying to them recently because guy has a tiny penis)

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>>734595697
That would be an amazing gift right now...do it!

I can probably fuck my sister in-law... I'm just afraid she'd spill the beans.

Bi fag here, when I was in college, 18-19yo, I had a secret relationship with a 13-14yo boy. Is the only actual relationship ive had with another guy but was honestly the best relationship I've had compared to the 10ish others ive had with girls. I've done sexual stuff with other guys but no dating or anything, very few people know im bi and i like to keep it that way, same with him. I think the fact that we had to keep it secret helped make it better.

>>734589798
Maybe it's you that's more distant. Ask those people if they think you've been distancing yourself. Communicate. Talk to them :)

I fucked my sister

my girlfriend is more sexually experienced than I am. I'm in my mid 20s, but I'd only had sex a couple times before her and they were both with the same person. But she had a year or so where she was more often in strangers beds than her own, had a threesome with two guys and all this stuff. It makes me feel so inadequte that the only way I can get off when we fuck now is imagining I'm one of the guys she used to hook up with and that I'm just using her to get off. It's the happiest relationship I've ever been in otherwise.

>>734597420
>only 16
>implying 16 is young and edgy
would be the same as saying she's only 50yo.

>>734594417
Think about the child support, anon. They always find you.

i asked my brother to suck my dick when i was 8 or 9 and he did it.
Sometimes we tried to fuck each other asses, but there was no actual penetration. He is 3 years younger than me

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This shit turns me on.

I hate it, and I don't think there's anything I can do about it.

>>734597961
>hey bro, will u suck my dick?
>ok!
cool story.

>>734589513
it's like a rainforest outside

>>734598232
It's secrets, not the weather report.

i have a sociopath mom and a psychopath dad so im often fucked up being abused by them cuz they can push my buttons easily. so i get out of the house like 300 times a day and hang out in front of the house. and there is a furniture store across from our house owned by a chinese/asian couple. when i get out of the house im in a shitty mood. i guess i emit some sort of energy or something cuz the wife stares at me or does weird things like stare at me n look away or start working out on an equipment they have at the store once she sees me. lately i've been pushing back and doing mean things in return. and today the husband and another chinese/asian guy were in their store they saw me and then told a teen who is probably the husband's lil brother or something to go outside .. i saw it... so the teen comes out acting suspicious while the husband and the other guy is looking at him.. obviously sending him out to mess with me. so i look at him and they continue looking at the teen while keeping an eye on me. then i shake my head and bob my head from side to side.. not getting uncomfortable... just doing that cuz it is a super creepy bizzare thing going on to mess with me. as i do this.. the husband gets delighted and leaves the store to the back into the house and the other chinese guy comes out with his arm up saying something so happy at some guy across the street. i know this shit sounds retarded but ppl do absolutely mind numbingly bizzare and super creepy things to get under my skin.

after that my left eye got heavy, itchy and the eye itself(the black round thing) started moving to the left away from my nose. im absolutely petrified.. this has been happening whenever ppl mess with me for awhile.. long story behind it.

then a couple hrs ago or so.. i got home and waited in front of the house... the light went off in one of their rooms.. then the husband looked outta window of the house and i spit in his direction and he disappeared again.

>>734598290
Sunny with a chance of chlamydia

>>734598078
why do you like it? just any fluffy abuse crap or specific genre(s)? it's better than being turned on by raping babies irl.

>>734598419

op here again.

then 10-30 mins later i got out again and immediately heard a sound of locking or something shutting from the direction of their store/house. i definitely think it was intentional. now my is messed up again. ughhhh

>>734595857
>>734589513
somthing about,um, uh, like, google or something
https://youtu.be/6bMLrA_0O5I

I've used the panties of every girl I know to fap.

>>734598452
That's not fluffy abuse.
It's an adult baby/diaper lover/furry/humiliation scenerio.

And I like it because it makes my dick hard.

>>734596639
nah he died

>>734598653
It's just a colorful form of s&m.

In highschool my buddy was on the swim team. When we would sleep at eachothers houses he would sleep in Speedo like briefs. After he would fall asleep I would take his covers off and fap

>>734597778
Similar situation with ex. My experience is you need to level the playing field if you ever want the sex life to work properly. Lemme define what I mean by a properly working sex life. You need to have the self control to get her totally fucking wet and horny, then stop in your tracks and go do something else. You don't have to actually do it, but you need to know you can. Although if you do it and do it right, I guarantee you she will fuck your brains out later that night. As a man you need to be able to take control of the relationship, or you just turn into her bitch, at which point she will lose respect for you. A relationship where the woman does not respect the man is not going to end well. Taking control of the sex life plays a huge role in taking control of the relationship, so you need to have the experience to do so. Your confidence in the bedroom will carry over to every other aspect of your relationship.

That said, you basically have 2 options. Break up with her and sleep around until you know how to play the seduction game, or try to get her to agree with having threesomes occasionally.

I personally chose option 1, and I went from someone who couldn't get ex to orgasm once in the years we were together, to someone who got a chick begging me to bareback her with multiple orgasms within a few weeks of meeting her.

Whole process took about a year.

>>734596937
since i'm not a fag i won't answer that question
i'm a smoker

>>734597313
Bros before hoes

I dress my daughter up slutty and take her out to show her off.

I want to hate fuck Batman.

>>734598976
I want to S&M Spencer Reid but can't get past how it would upset him.

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>>734594193
Is this you?

>>734598965
still?

My dad used to sneak into my room since i was 5. Dont remember much from that time. It went from just watching to licking me while he thought i was asleep

i might be gay, used to fap normaly but lately i've been sticking things up my ass

>>734599187
Not as often. But yeah.

>>734589513
Ive had sex with only 2 guy my whole life and ive told guys ive had sex with more than 10 guys

>>734599264
It just means you like your prostate stimulated.

>>734599264
That's hella gay.

Wanna let me stick my dick in it?

>>734599265
is she like 5yo or retarded or something?

>>734599296
You shouldnt do that, tell the truth, makes you look harder to get

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>>734589513
I'm suffering with unrequited love
I have no one to tell this to because the person is my best friend
Feels good to get that off my chest

>>734599408
lol something like that

>>734599477
I dont like guys so i make my self seem unappealing but i feel no attraction towards people sexually

Once i was out with a girl and we start flirting with each other, couple of hours later i was fucking her in the back of my car cheating on my gf, i was afraid that i might leave her pregnate so i fuck her in the ass. Later that night i came home and after diner my gf took off my pants, she close her eyes and just when she was gonna start sucking i notice a bit of shit in my dick from this other girl, it was pretty hot to see, my gf with another girls shit in her mouth, She never knew.

>>734599477
should i say i'm virgin if i'm asked?

Amateur twinks in briefs is my favorite thing to fap to

>>734599514
it wont be long before she dresses super slutty on her own everyday. but really, how old is she now?

>>734599731
Just tell the truth. Lies only cause more problems.

>>734599909
How bought chubby white guys in two day old ripped boxers?

That do anything for ya?

>>734599911
6

That's gonna be horny when she starts on her own

>>734600005
lol

>>734600005
No

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I find myself always being the one trying to do the right thing and that people use that against me. I also find people coming to me about their life issues because it seems I have mine in order. I want to stop caring and stop giving a crap but for some reason i cant.

>>734589584
wtf you fucking wierdo

I cheated on my gf 4 years ago. Only one time. I never told her.

>>734600019
k. 9-10yo is when most girls start doing it.

>>734600377
Can't wait

>>734600219
HAH are you my ex?

Been screwing my sister in law since may 6th and I love using her as my cock whore, it's super awesome to fuck my wife then a few hours later have my cock whore clean my dick with her mouth

>I'm married

I like rape porn

>>734599506
Stop being her girlfriend and actually live your own life. If she's your best friend, you know so much about her that getting her should be a fucking cakewalk if you play your cards right.

Step 1: self assessment, are you attractive enough? If not, work out and eat right until you are.

Step 2: pick up random chicks and work on your banter and wit. Talk to as many interesting people you can and turn their stories into your own.

Step 3: arrange a chance meeting with your crush while you have another beautiful woman hanging off your arm.

Step 4: wait a while and let your crush know you just broke up. Don't be obvious about it, let her ask you what's wrong first.

Step 5: use the banter, stories and wit you picked up along the way to have her laughing her ass off, while she knows yours hurting inside from your breakup.

Step 6: tell her you've always had a thing for her but could never work up the courage to tell her, then look at her and wait for her to jump your bones

???
Profit

I've posted someone I know on here and it has giving me paranoia

>>734600448
we all do

>>734600454
oh when you tell her, you can also say because you always thought she was out of your league.

You know that tag on pillows that say under penalty of law, do not remove?
I removed them.

>>734600454
This is gr8 advice m8 and I appreciate it, but do you have any from a female perspective for the same issue? For research purposes?

>>734600538
I shit in a pillow case once

When I was 16 in high school, I dated this girl who was half Brazilian half Mexican 8/10. We went to this party and got drunk together. A bottle later and a lack of thinking later, I creampied the fuck outta her. She was too drunk to notice. Broke up with her hoping she would find another guy so he would get the blame. 9 months later she pops out a kid that looks 100% like me. She met this other dude and he got wedlocked with her. Later she moved to Ohio and now that he's 3 years old, the hub took a paternity test and obvi isn't the father. She's been trying to communicate with me but I'm inactive on social media....what do?

>>734600618
I shit in your dog once

I used to be a photographer that shot Mature/Granny internet porn for about seven years.

>>734600673
Delete all social media unless you want a relationship with the kid

>>734600673
Hope she doesn't know where you live

>>734596823
Пpивeтcтвyю!

>>734589513
L LIKE TO GET TRIPS

>>734600726
does it pay ?

>>734600586
I'm not a girl, so no.
Though I would assume step 1 applies universally, then just act like a damsel in distress and wait for him to rescue you.

That generally works.

If not I can always come make you feel better. Complete step 1 first though.

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>>734600519
Nothing then?

>>734600673
You fucker, do you know what plan B is?

I am a male and in a stable heterosexual relationship, but I really wanna suck a dick.

>>734600783
she lives four states away, and im not on the normie social media that often
>>734600829
she does but is too far away

>>734600673
Get rid of any social media you have

>>734601142
Huh?

>>734601084
Kek saw this after posting
There are no girls on the internet friend, and thanks for the advice

>>734589513
>me 18
>knocked up a girl 16
>fucked it up, got to marry her, cuz parents and shit
>never loved her
>after got child
>one year marriage past
>left her and baby girl
>moved to other city
>started new life there
>started small, selling life insurance
>after 6 years of insurance scams got enough exp and money to begin my own company
>3 years of work and some tricks....now shitting money
>started living fast life
>good cars, young whores, drugs, booze
>made a name of myself
>shit started moving from local
>spread my business to other towns all around the state
>build a home
>expanded work
>now even more money
>living good for 7 more years
>job takes me to my home town
>i got to the neighborhood to see how my ex was doing
>still in her parents home
>parked the car and waited curiously
>saw her once with some nice hot looking girl
>guess thats my grown up daughter
>started seeing and noticing her around town more and more often in night clubs
>the word in town spread about me so gold diggers started hitting on me
>among them my own daughter started giving me the looks one night, not knowing shit
>she did a good job getting more and more closer to me, and make sure i notice her as well
>even tho i knew somehow it made the whole thing exciting for me
>i rolled with the whole game
>started taking her to clubs myself
>business dinners too, like an escort girl i usually always have on me
>she got to the point of almost dating with me after some time
>things got hotter and hotter between us fast
>i didn't stop for any fucking reason at all, i did not know what i was thinking else
>only think about most cruel and evil thing that can ruin her life, and i liked it
>i ended up fucking her several times before i left the town
>didn't tell her anything when i left
>she also didn't mention me to her mother, obviously fucking for money and nice clothes
>moved on after that knowing the most satisfying thing ever
>i was her sugar daddy.....literally

>>734601148
Good idea, but i was in highschool with $5 to my name, and she was passed out drunk afterwords so i was hoping she didn't remember

>>734600586
If he's not out of your league and not crushing on someone else you've already won

>>734589798
>>734594636
Same thing happened to me.. How old were you when that happened? I was 9

>>734596450

Did you pop her cherry?

i fucked my step-sister when i was like 11 or 12 (i couldn't cum) she was like a year younger then me. she did most of the leading, and most of the time was spend in the cowgirl position

GF asked me to see others mens, I don't fucking care if she does. But I make an honor case of it IDK why

hehe no still togehter is that bad?

>>734600413
she will most likely lose her v by 13

>>734601394
Dont do this, I was fucking girl who had this arrangement with her bf. They had "rules" like her not fucking pple they already knew, I been hitting her up to sex since before they were dating

>>734601732
Tease

>>734601347
I honestly can't tell if he is
I'm not unattractive and frequently get hit on
I should probably just lose more weight, I'm "slim-thicc" by people's standards
I think he knows there's sexual tension and he acts on it occasionally but he freaks out sometimes because he thinks we act too "relationship-y" and doesn't want that
Even though he's at a party right now and has been messaging me for a while saying he wishes I was there
So fucking confusing

>>734599640
youre a fucking scumbag and thats disgusting

>>734601875
indeed

>be me 17
>sophmore in highschool
>mom forces me to take a team sport because i am not a social person
>joins football team because i heard there are strings that dont play
>make team onto 3rd string
>"killmeplz.jpeg"
>team captain Doosh throws a pregame party
>wanted to impress new friends, bringing weed brownies
>Arrive on time for party
>only one there so i decide to help out
>Mr. and Mrs. Doosh live in giant pompus house
>Mrs. Doosh takes brownies to set in the kitchen with the rest of the food
>while Doosh and i plus teammates play CoD Mr. and Mrs. Doosh eat my brownies in the kitchen
>More teammates and parents come
> "Ohshit.pdf"
> Mr. and Mrs. Doosh ate two brownies each and were high as shit
>Coach gets upsetti
>half of the team is high too
>"goddamn.gif"
>vice principal shows up to wish everyone good luck
>Coach is fuming with rage
>VP ends up calling cops
>football league ends with 75% of the team being kicked for drugs

Damn...that felt good to get off my chest

>>734601853
Also he's completely emotionally unavailable and doesn't really seem to care about me at all
Any time I bring up something that's bothering me he instantly changes the subject whereas I'll actually listen to him and give advice

I fongered my daughter's friend in the back of her car.

I came in my wife's cup of coffee every morning for a month and didn't tell her.

>>734602349
>fongered
Kek

I have sexual intercourse with a woman who'm I find attractive on a regular basis. Also I only buy items at steep discounts.

>>73602497
what kind of secret is that? you fuck women and get items on sale HOLY FUCKING SHIT LOOK AT THIS GUY

>>734602446
That happened

I once tackled my ex gfs lil sister while playing volleyball and she I ended up underneath her skirt great view btw :)

>>734602497
MODS

>>734603190
Oh, it did. Turns me on just thinking about it.

framed a guy for pedophilia (fuck you mario vega)
mainly cause girl i was seeing went back to cheating ex and had a girl together
now he works at space center in the photo dept

>>734602299
Ya the best you're going to get out of that's a fuck buddy that won't become a relationship in a million years

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i think this penguin is sexy

my gf sent pics of her sucking my dick to one of her clingy friend zoned betas. Now that wouldn't particularly bother me, but, she sent it from my phone to him telling him that she was my woman and that if he ever went near her again i'd beat the fuck out of him. She was so scared to be the bad guy and tell someone to piss off she literally tried to make me seem like some fuck tard chad. Fuck man idk what to do about this, i kinda wanna say something to her.

>>734594995
i don't get how you could do that to a person you are supposed to protect and love.
what is wrong with you?

>>734600586
If you're a female then you can just skip 3-5 lmao

>>734604095
Your gf is probably batshit crazy

>>734603791
Sounds like a dope dude

>>734594417
get over your stupid reactionary infatuation and stop being such a degenerate.
go home and be a man.

>>734594597
haha
it's going to be the biggest fail of your life
you must be pretty fucking young.
marriage takes work, and balls.
put in the work, you weak fuck.

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>>734595445
>gf cheats
>wanting her back

pic related

>>734602299
Unless he's just kind of an as whole who doesn't know how to reciprocate friendship, it is possible that he likes you and is trying to actively avoid being friendzoned because he's woke.

I fucking hate my gf but we just signed a lease together on a beautiful downtown apartment. The only reason i haven't told her is so we can afford the place together

>>734600104
Mitchell?

I broke up with my ex of 2 years and immediately found a way hotter girl who I've been dating for over a year, but I still want to fuck the absolute shit out of my ex.

My new gf is a tattooed 5'10, skinny blue eyes blonde with 32DDD and 38-30-40 measurements and secretly bicurious.

My ex is 5'6, 135 lbs b-cup with glasses, a shitty bob haircut, and a shittier Asian chest tattoo of her birthday. I even fantasize about double teaming her with her new (chubby and weirder looking) boyfriend. One of her only fantasies was an MMF threesome, and I never had the desire to indulge it until I dumped her oddly enough.

My new gf isn't booksmart, basically just watches MTV reality shows, and only listens to the same music she did as a teenager. Ex was nerdy as hell, we would fuck while watching anime and played MMOs together.

My new gf is a way better, more responsible partner who puts more effort and seems to love me a lot more. And now I just feel guilty that 90% of the time I'm turned on I think about my way less attractive ex.

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I have a job working for the US government. My wife is a former prostitute. I want to fuck my daughter. I'm also working with the Russians to make my friends and myself a little richer than we already are.

>>734605518
2 scoopsssssssssssss

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>>734596468
Marry me, I will give you my cock to suck on every day. So you won't have to be depressed

>>734605363
It's because you've been with your ex for so long, you are more familiar with her...

Once time passes that will die off

>>734590965
I always wondered if some fathers were. I hope I won't be. I already fucked my cousin once, huge ass, anal too. Would do again in heart beat, unfortunately. Hottest sex I've ever had.

>>734594158
Lucky

>>734589817
You're a terrible father.

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I used to live with my ex girlfriend and her mom worked all day but she would cook every night for the upcoming day. One day I woke up at 3am, heard her cooking, and thought I'd help out. She was in a nightgown and looked incredibly sexy, I couldn't keep my eyes off her legs. She apologized and said she'd get into something less revealing. I told her she looked beautiful and had amazing legs. She laughed and told me to go to bed. I told her that I'll wake up earlier the next day to help out. The following day I woke up at 2am and went to the kitchen. She was wearing a see through baby blue nightgown without a bra, like pic related. My dick was diamonds. When she was cooking I would stand behind her and hold her and run my hand up and down her thighs and torso. 20 minutes later she stopped cooking and I carried her to her bedroom and we fucked like rabbits for a good hour. God, I went to town on that pussy. I was licking and kissing her legs, teasing her lips, and she begged me to fuck her. Best part? She was going through menopause so I came in her. It was amazing and I'll never forget it. This went on for 5 months until my ex cheated on me and we broke up. We still talk and see each other at the gym but we can't wait until my ex moves out so I can move back in.

Pic related, it's almost exactly the same as the one she wore that night, but in baby blue.

>>734606442
At this point I've only been dating new girlfriend about 6 months less than the old one, and I've already lived together with her about 6 months longer than I did with ex too.

Thanks for the comfort though, I hope you're right.

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so fuckin high right nao