What is your go-to joke?

>>734356297
*faggot*

Your mom

what's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?


nobody ever paid $50 to have a lentil on their face.

>>734356297
How do you get a faggot to fuck a woman?
You stuff her cunt full of shit.

>>734356297
your life

is the middle guy asian, or am i racist?

>>734356297
what do you call three dead guys in a hot tub ??
https://youtu.be/4TAnOg2YPRs

You should never have a premade joke, the best jokes are off the cuff applying to the situation you are in.

>>734356446
I'm using that at the family reunion

Here's one: All the fags I've ever met are fucking assholes

>>734356297
>>734356709
this is now a Boxxy thread.

¿§?

https://youtu.be/7JA5i0INyVg

>>734356922
>never
but they're tailored to be funny. nobody thinks you actually came up with it, and it's good to practice delivery.
you run a real risk of alienating new acquaintances by trying to say something as you think of it, and you realize they're actually weird liberals who can't take a joke about misogyny

>>734356504
he white

>>734356297
>>734356709
>>734357225
"hilarious"

>>734357217
thats a pun but w/e

there once was a man from leeds
who ate a pack of seeds
within half an hour
his dick turned into a flower
and his balls were all covered in weeds

On an airplane that is about to crash, a woman stands up, rips open her shirt, and shouts "I want to die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone man enough here?" A man a couple rows forward stands up, walks towards her, takes off his shirt, hands it to her, and says "here, iron this".
awkwardly worded when you write it out but when you're talking IRL it comes out cleaner

>>734356504
why not both?

>>734356297
>go-to joke

Amerifag detected

>>734357594
That's a limerick but w/e

>>734356297
whats the difference between jelly and jam?
i cant jelly my fist up your ass

>>734356297
i like my women like I like my whiskey

12 years old and mixed up with coke

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Walking.
JK, ROLLING.

basically the best joke that ever existed

>>734358258
>Whiskey
>12 year old
The only American whiskies that old are thing like Eagle Rare, and that's not the type of bourbon you should be mixing with Cola you goddamn degenerate.

>>734356297
Whoopie Goldberg is an accomplished black actress.

2nd:

Will Smith is a more accomplished actor than Denzel Washington.

3rd:

Shia Lebouf isn't a bad dude after all.

>>734358463
joke, frog, dissect, dead. you're the kinda girl that complains about Sneeds Feed and Seed

>>734356297
The Killing Joke (only works on mythical clowns):

>build up to a great joke, a joke that no one would ever see coming
>make the build up at least 2-3 sentences long
>Whisper or exclaim, "Life, itself!"
>this is the joke that killed chryssipus.

>>734356850
So true

>>734356297
>>734356709
>>734357225
i have blood on me . . .
silly trinity productions . . .

What was Beethovens favorite fruit?
BA NA NA NAAAA
you have to say it outloud though.

>>734356297
>>734358814
I have water.
Oldest Aristocrats joke in the book.
¿§?

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS

>>734358976
oh look, there goes bananaman. someone call penfold or Alcyon, it getting all swarmy in here

>>734356496
same.

>>734356297
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Hell if I know

Or

During water cooler conversation
This is worse than the animal testing at my old job.
Where'd you work?
I worked at a hammer factory

>>734356850
>Ignores the Nixon election
Keep pretending you're abe Lincoln's party

>>734358093
there once was a man from camden
who put his wrong hand in
now he's dead
and lots of bread
so runny they slammed him

>>734358661
only dissected dead cat and pig, never frog

nina . . . katr

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>>734356922
That's true for on the spot observations, but OP's talking about, like joke jokes.

>>734356297
>>734360548
https://youtu.be/czcjU1w-c6k

>>734357632
double entendre

>>734358730
good for you feed me please

>>734360797
carl go brush your teeth, your toothbrush is in the camaro

>>734359637
Nixon wasn't a real republican, neither is trump

>>734356297
Either "that's what she said"

Or sometimes when a friend has lost something I'll ask if they looked up their butt

>>734361972
tuna pleasae

https://youtu.be/hYPpW6GaflE

>>734356297
How many French died on the Titanic?
Cinq.
How many Spanish?
CINNQQOOOOO!

What did the black get for christmas?
Your bike.

I want to tell you a secret about butter, bur you might spread it.

Who's the president of the US?
Interdimensional child molesting vampires.

>>734357594
Why did the theatrical play of Jack and the Beanstalk fail in Bradford?
He couldn't smell the blood of an Englishman.

>>734361972
You're right he changed the face of the party though

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Wrote this one after I quit a shitty job:

>boss told me I need to 'manage my time better'
>so I told her I started jerking off in my truck on the way to work
>she was right though
>since I started, I find that I have more free time since she fired me

>>734360321
What the fuck is going on with this?

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old!

>>734363359

Why are women so easy to pick up?
>because you can grab em like a bowling ball

Thanks, Lee Ving of FEAR

>>734363495

(for white chicks who think they know good rap)
>Hey did you hear Fetty Wap is at the top of the list for an eye transplant?
No...
>yeah, doctors are gonna give him a new one
>but his vision is gonna be 17/38

>>734363442
Lol.

What's blue at the bottom of the pool?
A baby.

>>734363711

You know the difference between a Lexus and a dead baby?

>I didn't cum inside a Lexus last night

>>734356297
What was the worst part of the Holocaust for the Jews?

The cost!

oy vey...

>>734358463
All Canadian whiskey is at least 12 years old

>>734356297

Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
Because he's black!

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>>734356297
My sex life.

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>>734364008
Ayy you got me.

>>734363799
What do you call a pakki wifebeater?
Achinda

Pakki doing DIY?
Ahmed Ashed

Pakki with a job?
Asif

Why do Africans make the wedding cake out of shit?
Keep the flies off the bride.

>>734364008
Three blacks in a car - who's driving?
The police.

>>734364602

thats fucked cause I have some blacks in my family tree...
>hanging.

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>>734363995
Canadafag and whisky loser here: you're a faggot.

>whiskey

Putting the e in tells me you are American, Irish, gay, or American. Regardless, unqualified to speak about whisky at all. Minimum age on Canadian whisky is 3 years, which is the age of everything in the well at the bar and the subject matter of your porn folder.

At any rate, please leave the internet forever.

So I was fucking my sister the other day when she says "you fuck like dad" and I just looked back at her and replied "that's what mum said"

>>734364678
I like shooting cans.
Africans and Jamaicans.

Why was the crippled gay freaking out?
He didn't know if he identified as a fruit or a vegetable.

What's black and sits in a chair at the top of the stair case?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire

What do princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
The Wall was their last big hit

>>734365368
I always heard that as
what do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common? Both of their last big hits were the wall

Written on a bathroom wall in the Language dept in my college:

>Lady walks into a bar
>asks the bartender for a double entendre
So he gave it to her.

>>734359486
Second one is actually really funny. First one is just bad - a real white people joke.

So I was fucking this handicapped girl yesterday when she got her period. She got embarrassed so we decided to try anal. Turns out it was actually her first time having her period. What more could a father ask for from his little girl?

A woman walks into a toy shop and asks for a lady train
He gave her a miss carriage

>>734364484
How about actually spelling Paki correctly

>>734366151
Pakki is more offensive to them. Grew up in that mess of a city, Bradford.

A Jimmy Carr treasure
How do you get a gay to fuck a woman?
shit in her cunt

>>734366297
Is that where most of them live in the UK?

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would run away too if your name was Huwwuuuwwwhhhhrrrrrggghhh

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>>734356297

Woman goes to see her doctor and asks for a double entendre, so he gives it to her.

>>734366747
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
Moved the furniture around

How did they really punish her?
Kicked her in the face

What did Helen Keller get for Christmas?
Aids from uncle pete

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman

>>734356446
That's one of my favourites too. Although I prefer the simpler punchline, "Shit in her cunt."

>>734356297
American Politics

>>734358463
Cocaine, dummy.

>>734366964

wrong. see >>734365651


why would she ask a doctor? that's not a medical exam term..

>>734356297
Guy has a rash on his balls. So he goes to the doctor and the doctor says:
"Man you gotta stop masturbating."
"Why?"
"Because I'm trying to examine you right now!"

>>734357594

My dad used to tell me the variation:

"The once was a man from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
Sprouts of grass grew out of his arse
And his bollocks were covered in weeds"

"What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?"

then leave conversation/room hating yourself knowing you'll never be taken seriously by your infant son ever again

>>734367689
This seems like an excellent way to exit social situations you don't want to be a part of

Why does DR. Pepper come in a bottle ?


His wife died

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>>734366416
Wrote a huge reply and app crashed kek. Aye it's the Mecca of England. Absolute animals.

>>734356297
What falls faster from a tree, a leaf or an African?

The leaf, as the African is stopped by the rope.

What's the similarity between elephants and ice cream?

They both come in quarts

What do you call 100 niggers burried to their neck.

Afroturf

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>>734364744

It's WHISKEY with an E. Just like they spell in in Ireland where it was invented.

However, all the other shit talking to that anon was spot on.

You have to go for quick ones in this situation.
What are the three words women hate to hear during sex?
"Honey, I'm home!"

>>734368852
>whisky was invented in Ireland
>fukin kek

A Jewish kid asks his dad for five dollars. His dad responds "four dollars?? What are you going to do with three dollars!?"

>>734368852
Only whiskey they did was whiskey their mash potatoes.

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>>734364744
7/10 troll.

My grandfather had the heart of a Lion and a lifetime ban from the Central Park Zoo.

>>734369437
You forgot
>here's 50 cents
>go share it with your sister

>>734369437

How many Jews can you fit in a VW Bug?
-2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 14 in the ash tray.

A Jew with a boner walks into a wall. What hits the wall first? His nose.

What's the greatest scientific measurement of distance? The distance between a Jew's hand and his wallet.

What's the worst part of the Holocaust for a Jew? The cost.