>>734270413 i fell in love with a girl only to find out she has a kid with her current bf. i would be up to raise the kid with her because i love her so intensely even though i dont like kids. Last night she told me she had a big fight with him and said they were probably going to break up. this morning i woke up to a snap of them cuddling. it doesnt hurt as much as it used to and im filling the void with meningless sex. i have a potential girl set up for tonight and a "date" on thursday. im still a virgin so i have no idea what im doing. i tried to kill it with alcohol but now i cant even look at it without getting sick. i wouldnt say my life is fucked but im pretty ass right now
>>734270986 drowning it with alcohol didn't work for me. i've been a fucking wreck since last march or february. drinking didnt help so i started smoking weed. it's nice but too expensive. i'm just gonna pour myself into work and school and hope that eventually i'm too busy to care about my sadness.
I've been meeting up with a girl that has a boyfriend. There is some strong feelings between us, we've made out and slept in the same bed naked, no sex. She lives with her current boyfriend and she can't decide who to go with. I'm dying on the inside. I've fucking fallen in love with her, but I don't think I'll ever get her.
>>734271390 She tells me I'm her 'dream guy'. She texts me saying she can't stop thinking about me. I have a career that has me moving a lot and never able to meet people. I can't get her out of my head. She's with her boyfriend now. Last text 30 minutes ago.
Sometimes I honestly wish I was Asexual or had a really low sex drive. The reason for this is that I am a great student and worker, but my dick always gets me into a lot of trouble. I have done a lot of things I shouldn't have because I was horny, and I wish I could just not want to use it.
>>734271961 a funny thing it is- a funny thing full of pain interrupted by brief moments of happiness that only distract you from the pain and make it worse afterwards. maybe i'll get drunk with you. what are you having?
>>734272475 this sounds cliche and stupid and i know it probably is, but it isn't too late to turn around. hit the gym, work hard, find the girl, work harder, go to church and maybe, just maybe, you can turn it around.
Sick of this empty feeling inside. Sick of being a piece of shit. Sick of girls leaving. Sick of being to broke to sufficently numb the pain of the expansive internal void with alcohol. Sick of constantly dissapointing myself. Sick of going to bed and waking up feeling unfulfilled. Sick of being sick of shit. Don't be afraid of hangovers anons, more alcohol makes them go away.
>>734272741 Just having emotions in general is a wonderful thing. I've learned so much about myself in the past 4 days with her. Fuck, 4 days. I'm just a sappy moron. How does a fucking idiot like me fall in love in 4 days.
I have had horribly vivid nightmares about this humanish thing torturing people in front of me and raping me for about a year noe. I've started having hallucinations while awake about it and the resulting panic attacks are killing me. Want to an hero to make it stop but who would take care of my dog.
>>734272974 32 isn't too old at all. if you don't wanna turn it around, at least take an hour out of ever sunday and go to church. life sucks dick and we all know it does, but 50 years from now, laying in a hospital bed, you might be glad you did.
>>734273160 I had a similar experience. You can't really punch or hit in a dream. It's like your subconscious knows you're asleep and your arms aren't really moving. How I beat him though was I got my arms around his neck and just squeezed. That seems to work in dreams. Grab it by its neck and choke the shit out of it. You can do it. You can kill it.
>>734273810 I'm not saying this to hurt you: she won't. She likes you, sure, but she seems like a coward who doesn't want to leave her cushy relationship. This happens all the time and it ends in the same way.
>>734270413 I've tried to keep our relationship together but it's hard when you don't look after yourself and break down every second day. I know you've said you've ended it but if you truly ended it you wouldn't contact me daily and you would put me out of my misery
>>734273853 Lame. Maybe you need a different kind of weapon. Defeating a dream is usually pretty symbolic. If you can't do jack shit, I guess the goal would be to do something, like anything at all. Maybe think of a word you can say. Something that means something to you. Don't let it make you panic. It sounds stupid, but even thinking of resisting is going to help.
Everyone has been in a relationship and had sex and kisses and shit way before me, even my younger friend who is like 4 years younger than me got his first girlfriend, and here I am on FUCKING 4CHAN acting as if I have a good life. Im even thinking about resetting. Changing everything. Dumping my old friends, changing the way I dress, it feels necessary. I've been an antisocial piece of shit my entire life and the only thing i look forward to in life is smoking marijuana, maybe i should change myself. For the better of my future.
my best friend is a depressed fuck and i can't do shit about it because he's constantly denying it. it's obvious he's depressed - he literally said "every day feels like it's dragging on and there's no point" and at one point told me "my religion [christianity] is the only thing keeping me alive." his dad's a controlling fuck and even if he accepted he was depressed he'd get no treatment. i'm really trying to help him but it feels like our friendship is becoming more and more pointless. he's always really passive and acts annoyed when i talk to him, even though there's times where he'll tell me he's glad im the only friend he has. i have other friends, but he doesnt and i really want to help.
a part of me really wants to discontinue our friendship but i'm lowkey scared he would kill himself if i did that, and i could never live with myself after that. i have no idea what to do
Just like the pic of >>734272741 I've known this girl since I was in 4th grade (her 5th) and we've been friends since then. When I was in 8th (her in 9th, freshman at highschool) she let me grope her ass and cuddle with her one night. I wished I could have been with her more and done more stuff with her but she felt like it wasn't right and she didn't do anything like that with me since. That was the farthest I ever got with a girl. I felt and still feel pathetic. She said she loved me again and again this whole time but I know for a fact that she loves me as a nice friend, not as a partner. When we were also younger she told me about how she sucked a guys dick and loved it (we we're teenagers at the time). It fucking hurts man. I have no other girl to get her out of my mind. When I go to bed at night or take naps, I always think about her at least a little bit. It's breaking me apart guys. I need help.
>>734274737 He feels annoyed because he knows you're right. I've suffered through some serious depression and suicidal tendencies. Don't give up on this guy. He needs you now, whether he would admit it or now.
>>734274753 >I tend to fall in love with any girl that gives me the slightest bit of attention.
Common quality in people with low self-esteem. Don't look for acceptance in others; it'll only make you feel like shit when you're at home alone. Lay off the girls/alcohol and start working on yourself. If you do okay, love will come. If you do well, it will come but not with any sense of urgency; it'll just be a cherry (albeit a really nice cherry) on top.
>>734274902 >>734274983 ive tried talking to him about it, saying that it really feels like he has depression. every time i tell him he just gets really irritated and a while ago when i told him to "at least try to be positive about it" (which looking back, i shouldn't have said that) he ignored me for the rest of the day. he apologized later but ever since ive been to freaked out to bring it up. there's other instances where ive talked to him about it and i pretty much get the same reaction
I get frustrated at the fact that people don't come to me to talk. I always have to come towards them to talk and it's utter bullshit.I honestly can't stand being so alone no matter how hard I try to be social. I don't know, humans are weird, aren't they?
>>734275482 Have any coworkers? Similar aged neighbors? Make some friends before you date is what I'm getting at here. You put all your eggs in one basket (this girl) because she is your only source of company. You need to have more.
>Be me >19 yo edgelord >Have no real friends >Try to make other happy because thats the only thing that doesn't make me want to kill myself. >Have falling out with best friend >Be alone 24/7 >Start talking to myself >I tell myself to kill myself >I try >Dont have balls >Go back inside and drink myself to sleep >Mfw when I regret not jumping
I've always had the need to make myself feel better then other people. I know in part this is normal, but I'm really fucking competetive in literally everything. There's not a day when I don't go through my friend group, thinking about everyone's strengths and weaknesses to verify that I'm the best.
>>734275847 Well I don't really have a long-term housing situation. I'm an airline pilot for a cargo operation and move from hotel to hotel. Coworkers are all older and not worthwhile to be friends with. But you're right, I am putting all my eggs in one basket.
Whatever you do, don't jump. I know this has been said way too fucking much but Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem: Depression. No matter how bad you feel, remember it can't get any worse. Only better.
>>734276107 No problem. I still tell myself to keep an "open face" and take time to nod at strangers when I pass or make small talk if it's appropriate. It's annoying now but eventually you'll be like "wow I can't believe I didn't notice this"
Just broke up with my first girlfriend, from over a year. Shes been cheating on me with my best friend. What's next in life? Ive already ruined my chances with everybody I know in my town to be friends or acquaintances. I'm lonely. Any advice
I'm probably going to kill myself soon. Life is fucking terrible. Nothing is fun. Nothing is satisfying. Nothing brings me joy. Everything is boring. Everything makes me more sad. I wish people would want to hang out with me. No one wants to. I see no reason not to kill myself. If I do kill myself, I won't be able to feel ever again. It won't affect me.
>>734276738 I do those things and for a while I'm seemingly Happy. Idk maybe I'm bored with my life? I think that might be it honestly. Maybe i should change my scenery. Go out and explore new places. I dunno.
I find it harder to talk about my emotions to another human being than anything else. I've been in situations where I've had loaded guns pointed at me, I've given speeches in front of hundreds of people, but the prospect of sharing my feelings is even more daunting than any of those.
>>734276434 i feel you bro. thats why i became a cop.. I was too pussy to kill myself so i became a cop and been one for the past 3 years in the hopes that someone or something would kill me while on the job. 1 year into the job I fell in love with this one girl.. were engaged now.. I love her and i know she loves me but i dont feel completely happy. If anyone shoots at me I dont think ill shoot back.
Life is fucking pointless dude. I don't get it. Why the shit are we even here? We're just a bunch of self-aware beings that can't fucking do anything except destroy everything around us. We can't even see what's around us, because of our shitty eyes and shitty senses. Why the shit is there even a universe? Why are there planets, stars, asteroids? What purpose do they actually serve? Jesus christ why the fuck am I here? What purpose do I serve? Happiness is a fake feeling. Everything is pointless. Yet I still strive to make friends and do stuff right. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, just typing out random bullshit.
Yeh I got some feels for yah. Reply if u want...I guess
I'm currently a high school student who is taking college classes and has to balance both college work and high school work. I'm slightly disabled. Divorced household. Have like a shit ton of projects due in a week(senior year). Constantly get random thoughts in my head telling me to kill myself. It hurts. The only thing that comforts me is sleep but how can I sleep when I have work due for like 5 different professors. Advice, words of encouragement or other stuff.
I'm just an edgy teen. I'm a white kid, in an upscale house, with a dad who makes six figures. I'm not here to brag or some shit. I'm just saying I don't get why I'm not happy. My family has a good amount of money, yet I'm depressed and suicidal. I don't get it. I'm supposed to be happy with all these material possessions. But I'm not. I don't get it.
>>734277236 I'd love to travel someplace like that one day. Not anytime soon unfortunately because money issues but one day. Volunteering also seems like a good break of the normal routine. Thanks for the advice anon.
All the cash in the world can't replace meaningful connections with people. In prison, the worst thing you could possibly do to someone is to leave them alone. A hell on earth full of rapists and murderers, and the worst thing you can do is leave them by themselves.
i've been pretty much consumed with this thought recently: the universe is fucking indifferent to us humans. we're literally just tiny specks of organic material that take in glucose and oxygen and shit out carbon. every day i think about how pointless our lives are and how many people are caught up in the stupid fantasy that their life means something, because it doesn't. nothing does. the only reason we exist at all is because there was one ball of leftover star-shit that compressed and fell into orbit around a perfectly sized sun in a perfect position. that planet then got bombarded by shittons of ice from space which then became our oceans; allowing organic life to happen. we're just a tiny fucking blink in the eye of the universe. we quarrel over the most menial bullshit like who is right, who should own something (which the idea of ownership is fucking retarded, by the way) and who's mystical fucking idea of how life came to be is right. human life means nothing, we just come up with the idea of a "soul" so we don't feel the crushing reality of how retarded our existance is.
There probably isn't a purpose but that doesn't mean you can't make one for yourself. I like to follow Maslow's hierarchy and try to find fulfillment in who I am and what I do. People put too much emphasis on how or why; getting really spiteful, insecure, and depressed when they come across this concept. But I like it a lot. It gives me some perspective. It allows me to explore my options without feeling restrained. It's a little freeing.
There really isn't a reason to mope over this universe. It just is. Make of it what you will.
>>734278137 how can i make meaning if i know there isn't any? i feel nothing for anyone around me, when i see religion all i see is lies used to manipulate people and gain power, and when i try to occupy myself with something "fun" i just go back to the idea of how pointless exiatance is, and that i'm wasting my time
I can't function correctly after all the fucking shit i've been through. The abuse and fuckery of my family fucked me up hard and now I have to suffer the isolation and anxiety while trying to get the fuck away from these people.
How do you deal with depression and suicidal thoughts. I wanna be happy but I keep thinking that maybe the world is better without me. I worry about so many things like friends, family, grades and my own health. I just wanna sleep...forever
>>734278418 First off, you don't know. There's no way to empirically test it.
Second, you believe there is no inherent meaning. That doesn't mean there isn't one you could make for yourself. It's a little weak-minded to say that because there isn't an inherent meaning to the universe, then that's that. You take initiative and do something. Make the limited time you have worthwhile.
Is it me or is death a fascinating topic? I mean you could be a fucking legend considered the biggest thing ever, and death will still find its way to you. And just like that it's all over. The empire you built. the fame you accumulated gone. People may remember you for a while but then they move on. Is that not a strange concept literally everything you've known is gone in death but people get over it in months days weeks whatever. But they still move on.
>>734281408 Yeah you just need some weed to top it off. Really though, don't turn to alcohol. I've been doing it for years and it just numbs everything too well I can't stop. Save yourself from this hell while you can. It hasn't helped me at all I go to therapy now and think of killing myself all the time. Turn to a healthier alternative for real don't drink and do drugs
>Be me, lurking for /b/ for ten years. >Drinking since Friday. >See feels thread. >Fuck it, I'm going to post for the first time in eight years. I just found out my mom's dying, I lost my friends, and I'm out of cigarettes. I don't even have any cool stories tell. So, I hope you anons have a good night. I'm going back to my bottle, now that I'm sobering up.
Every time I tried to kill myself I pussied out because I was obv too scared r didn't think it would work Now I have a fucking gun and still won't go Do I really need alcohol too? Probably my last hope but can't get that till later
Fuck life man I literally have no reason to be alive I waste my money on drugs I'm a fucking ugly loser I have no prospects or hope for the future so why can't I just say fuck it and bye? If I was able to send out "hey bye I love you" shit to everyone then maybe but even then don't want to back out of it
>>734282398 No matter how tough shit gets, death is never the option. If you're at rock bottom all you can do is improve. Things always improve from the bottom. Stick it out and you'll be fine my friend.
>>734282893 One day everything will make sense. Things right now might be pretty shit, but I promise the light will shine through. You have to look at things through a different light. I'm in love with a girl that will never love me, but I'm at least seeing it as a chance to change myself for the better. I've been suicidal, I've held a .45 to my head and tried to pull the trigger. I couldn't do it. Now I'm a greater man for so. Life gets to be the best thing ever. Don't use a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Believe it or not, someone loves you more than you can ever imagine. Even is its just a stranger on the internet.
Right now my best friend is in the hospital. She's been in the ICU for three days fighting for her life (CF). I've never been concerned for her health before, because even though she has a chronic illness, she always plays it off. But for the first time in our 4 years of friendship, she expressed being scared of dying and that notion has been haunting me since she entered the hospital. I'm not ready to lose her but I feel like I need to prep myself for that just in case she doesn't pull through.
>>734283405 But that love will be irrelevant when we are all dead in 50+ years No one really cares about me If I had someone I could talk to I would but literally no one cares and even if they did they are way too busy to try and help with my bullshit. I wouldn't want to do that to anyone
It hasn't gotten better in the 6 years I've wanted to do it. Ruined my entire high school experience and currently ruining my future
I've watched my circle of friends dwindle to just about nothing. Hard to believe I used to be what many would consider social and or outgoing. There is truly nobody with which I share a connection. The proliferation of social media has transactionalized human relationships. Everybody expects face to face conversations to be met with the same brevity that online ones are made with, to the point that using a three syllable word will have people looking at you in a retarded stupor. Mind altering substances are the only things that alleviate the depression.
>>734283663 Okay, I'm a 25 year old virgin. I've never felt love in my life. I live every day hoping I find the one that fills the void in my heart. I've sought death for years. I have an excellent job, I make good money. I'm not a total hideous freak, things are hard. I live in hotels, I can't make meaningful relationships with people. I still love life. You know why? These emotions we feel as intelligent creatures are a sign that we're alive, we feel this shit because we're animals. These feelings are amazing because they have meaning. Use the feelings to better yourself and grow as a human. Thats what I do, and sure it sucks sometimes, but one day we all will find the calling that drives us to be alive.
3 months ago Husband and I moved in with my mom and 2 younger sisters to help her out economically, step dad ended up leaving her, fleeing to Mexico. I have a dilemma I fucking hate, my husband wants to move out but I can not leave my mom on her own, I tell my 17 yr old sister to work but she's lazy. He complains about them alot and I feel like shit. Any suggestions?
>>734277909 i'm that way a lot too. Every now and then someone will say just the right thing to make me go "oh yeah, that's what I'm feeling" but that's few and far between. Most of the time it just manifests as latent frustration.
>>734277854 Or you could take into account that in less than 70 years after our first powered flight, we were flinging members of our species to our moon and back. Give us 10,000 years. By then we will matter. In that time we went from telling tales of the sky gods around the campfire to the modern internet. Hell, we've only had the internet for 30 years and look how far it's come. We grow fast. You may die, your soul may die, but humanity as a whole will continue and become great.
Back in January had a really bad break up. I loved them, they didn't love me. Ended up getting kicked out of the house in a foreign country by their mom because 'i didnt fit in with the family'. Spent the three weeks of my trip eating ramen at the US Embassy. Spent what money i had left on a taxi to the airport. The flight was delayed so i had to spend the next 35 hours sleeping at the terminal. A0ll the way back the woman next to me was complaining about crystals and auras and all that hippie shit. Watched Japanese foreign films the whole way back. Finally landed in Seattle. ended up having another 10 hour layover to get back to home city in Alaska.
Ended up being laid off over the holidays so I came home to no fucking job. Every since ive been sitting at home playing games and browsing /b/ just to feel like there is someone there. Honestly I've been saving up wellfare to by a gun so i can end it all. I cant fucking deal with all the shit anymore. My whole life has been nothing but pain and suffering and im fucking through with it all. FML. Im done...
I really wish this ended with a shitty joke. At least then it would match my shitty joke of a life.
>Be me >19 yr old, almost 20 >No passion for anything- not for games, nor music, nor any career, no anything >Theres absolutely nothing I want to do and i never finish anything i start >Be poor >Asexual >Aromantic >have anxiety >have depression >literally 1 online friend bc depression and anxiety makes it hard to communicate with others >have a bit of a speech impediment, my words sound a messy because i think too fast and cant say it fast enough, end up looking like an autistic faggot when i try to talk to someone
it's like i got dealt every card that tells me that im going to be completely alone and will do nothing in life- my existence here is completely useless. The lack of interest in anything is eating me up. I don't know what im going to be in life because theres nothing i like in life. I wont ever marry, nor have sex (because i literally dont feel the need to/want to). And im too poor to just indulge myself to have some semblance of bought happiness. I should literally just hang myself.
>>734282765 There's not much to tell, but since you asked, and I'm drunk: >I woke up on morning with a text from my mom. >I ignored it, because usually my mom never talks to me and I prefer it that way. A bit of backstory on that: >Kicked out of home at 15. >Parents told the rest of my family in state not to let me in. Anyways. . . >Go to class, after class go rock climbing with some friends. >Sudden urge to jump off this 150 foot cliff, but don't do it because I'm a pussy. >Later, my brother calls me. >"Dude, Mom's dying, anon. Fucking talk to her." >nope.gif fuck that bitch for kicking me out and being a shitty alcoholic/tweaker when I was little. >A friend decides to grace my presence at the coffee shop where I spend my days drinking 60+ oz of coffee while studying math and first order logic >Let's call here Phoebe >She invites me over to her house to get drunk. >We drink, and we open up to each other. >Kissing, cuddling, talking about life >whoa, I've never been able to have a deep conversation with a qt3.14 before >We sleep together in the same bed, and for the first time in my life I am happy.
I've had plenty of sex, and gfs, but I never trusted someone before that night.
>Wake up to her next to me, and kiss her. >She smiles at me.
Not even a week later, she hooks up with my best friend and now I've lost two of the best people in my life, right after finding out that my mom's dying and is just trying to make ammends right now.
I took 8 300-30 codeine pills(first time opioid) and drank enough to fuck me up normally really fast today as a suicide attempt. Terrible attempt and im expecting to get a lot of shit for it. It was in the heat of the moment and i was at my breaking point. Im sure it wouldn't have even killed me but i regret it and im a fucking idiot. My mom came home and i tried telling her what i did a hour in crying. Really hurt when she went off about me taking those pills when they could've been used when someone actually needed them. All i could do was laugh, i convinced myself that she didn't care at all. Im sure she feels terrible about it now. That was my day, im just a edgy 22yo kid pls roast me
>met gf 2 years ago >about 2 weeks ago found out she was seeing another dude >she leaves me for him >yesterday she said that she wants to talk >find out they broke up >she says wants to get back together >still have alot of feelings for her
> 22y/o working at War-Mart > Can't move up in the company due to family in the same store > Live at home with abusive mother, can't afford to move out > Dropped out of college year one due to medical reasons, can't afford to go back, stuck paying $20k in loans > Filled out 34 Job applications these past 2 months, to try and better myself, I've had one ask for a refrence, and then never call them > Only had one Gf, was my first kiss at age 21, she then fucked 6 guys behind my back in the span of 2 weeks Have a date on Thursday that I already see as ending in failure > Every time I try to get ahead, something comes along and steps on my neck again > Finally found friends about a year ago, real ones, the kind who invite you places without you having to ask, and I hate them so much because without them I already would have jumped > Can't seek medical help because if I do the only hobby I enjoy gets taken away
>high school >no friends >i'm a total shut-in >go to college >instant improvement, but what exactly did i have to lose from HS >make a few friends, and things go relatively smoothly for a while >roommates are absolute dicks to me >treat me like shit every single day >forced to move to another dorm building in mid-Feb >genuinely considering suicide at this point >not even my photography hobby can save me >feeling distant from everyone >new roommate is a baseball player on the school's team >surprise surprise, i'm a huge baseball fan >he and everyone on the team loves my photography of the team during games >he introduces me to his friends >my room is now the place to hang out in on the floor >everyone on the floor loves me >start talking to this girl in one of my classes >go on a date with her and walk three miles with her back to her place >we send pictures to each other every day >she's really excited to see me again at the start of school >roommate is leaving the school for a junior college to play baseball >as he leaves I look at him square in the eye and say "thank you for saving my freshman year" >he hands me his game-used baseball cap and a stack of mostly unused gift cards
tl;dr - It gets better. All you have to do is take the first step. If you've already taken the first step, keep walking. It's really hard to take that step but you will instantly be rewarded for it.
i met alissa when i was 14. we dated until i was 17, and we broke up. or she left me anyway. didnt know it at the time but she cheated and got pregnant. for years never heard from her, until one day when i was 21. she contacted me out of the blue. left her baby daddy because he beat her and tried to take her away from her family. we get back together and i slowly fall in love again. we stay together for years but im terrified shell leave again. a few months after turning 23, i left suddenly. i still loved her but was terrified. i strung her along said if we still fucked id come back. i was hooking up with other chicks and this tore her apart but she kept coming back for me, because she loved me. finally i was ready to go back i realized how stupid this all was, i was torturing myself for no reason. i get ready to go when i get a call from one of myhookups. shes pregnant now. were having a little girl in 2 months. im happy for that but every day i look back and wish it was with alissa. i cant go back now to be with the one i love but i dont love the one im with.
>>734284958 Its not. I have so much shit wrong with me that ive just accepted the fact that im going to die alone. Hers the short list: Tourette syndrome, ADHD, OCD (and it freaks people the fuck out), chronic depression, intense emotions (potentially mild bipolar), emotionally damaged because i grew up with a mother who had me to check off the "have kids" box on her religion card and a fucking tranny.
Been raped, made homeless by my mother, homeless in a foreign country, live in the middle of fucking nowhere, am all alone, have no friends except /b/ and am left staring into the darkness every night wondering why im even here. I just hit this point recently where im done being alone and hate myself for being a drain on 'the system' anymore. I just want to die.
>>734272948 I'm right here with you man... Met a girl at a show a month ago.. Meet up at the show, everything goes great. Sadly we split ways cause she lives in another state but we text still... Only have hung out with her a total of 5 days now but fell for her the moment I laid eyes on her.... Fuck me right?
>>734285888 I hear you. I met someone online, we hit it off, it got serious, I moved to another country, we were together for 15 years, things fell apart and now I'm back "home" in a place I don't know, no job, no hope. I'm waiting for my stuff to get here from overseas, then I sell up, make out my will and kill myself.
>be me >19 y/o virgin >only real hobby is vidya >in dead end job and college >want relationship >honestly couldn't care less if it's a male or female >just want to feel loved >family doesn't seem to really care >also don't want my happiness to be completely reliant on others >probably only alive for the hope of a better future wew lad
>>734286527 Not much to say. Severe depression, and she thought she could help. She had moderate social anxiety, and I thought I could help her with it. I've never been a go-out-dinner-and-a-movie type of person. At first, neither was she. But things changed, she changed, but I didn't. She didn't want kids, I sure as fuck didn't, but she changed. I didn't. I tried to change but I couldn't. And I hated England. Fucking rude assholes everywhere. She had enough. WILL CONTINUE
You see this cat? This cat is the only thing that's keeping me alive. She's been with me for 12 years. This cat is the most loving kind animal I've ever met. She was there when I tried to kill myself, and she bit my nose when I started yelling in pain at age 10 when I first cut myself. She's smart as hell and learned how to open doors, and she opened my bathroom door and meowed at me until I stopped vomiting up my dinner multiple times as my bulimia got worse. She has curled up next to me more times that I can possibly count. She has woken me up for school more times than my mother ever has. She would push herself up against my hand whenever I started crying. She would purr and lay next to me when I was crying because my mother threw another bottle at my dad's head and kept screaming that she didn't want me. She sat on my lap as I waited for the police to arrest my mother for stabbing my father when I was 15. She was just as afraid as I was when my mother came back a few weeks later, but we had each other. She's been with me through every breakup and fight I've ever had. The second this cat dies, I'm fucking joining her.
I've been locked in a battle with my subconscious for over 3 years.
I don't want people in my life. I want to live and die alone. Everyone I meet is a disappointment at best or downright human garbage at worst.
But yet every night I dream of friends and lovers that don't existed and never have. I wake up every morning being ripped from a fantasy land. I know its a lie but its a lie I want to believe that I know I can't.
I just want to be at peace in my solitude but my own mind won't let me
>>734286527 Now I'm back in Canada, where I haven't been in years. Applying for jobs like a motherfucker, more than 100 since I got back, and the only two replies have been scammers. Ready to check out man. I just don't want my remaining family to have to go through my shit, and try to decide what to sell etc. So I'll do it for them. Once that's done, I find out where to get a shotgun and sayonara sunshine.
I'm 19, and i was in love w/ my best friend, told him but he said that he doesn't feel love at all, can't surpass the pain so i'd stop talking to him, i never felt this way, i'm overcoming the pain a little bit with every passing day.
Besides that I am not going to wait for a response, you dumb nigger stop working at walmart with your shit relatives, quit, work at costco, make more than enough, move out, cut out fucking loser bum family, keep working and see where a real company takes you.
>>734276192 i also want to kill myself but i can't because it would destroy my parents. i have that feeling everyday where i wish i would get caught up in a random shooting/bombing or get cancer or something so i could just be done with it
>>734278901 The world is not better or worse without you. Just like your life and the lives of everyone you know, you just are. Try not to worry as much about everything, try and do more things that make you happy, and I mean truly happy. If you don't know what those things are take the time to think about it
>>734287674 and yes i know, then what? You have more money and not dependent on others, you travel, you explore , you meet new people, you meet a girl that is not a fucking whore, then bam you are in love again. I would do what I just advised with other companies and work endlessly but I just don't wont to hurt anyone anymore. I just keep to my self these days. Fuck hookers and sluts, and mind my own business. And fuck people up that worrry about my business. Not trying to be edge, but when you lose everything, you tend not to give a fuck anymore, not that that is a good thing..
Last week of my senior year in HS and I have to say it was a terrible 4 years. ever since freshman year I've been a decent looking guy, i'd say 7 maybe a 7.5, I'm in pretty good shape and I always try to be nice to everyone around me by being outgoing and inclusive. In the past I've landed many girls that were at least 8+ and had easily 20+ people to talk to at any given moment. But over the past 4 years I somehow managed to push everyone away and be left with literally no one. Leaving HS I'm depressed, my GPA sucks so I have to go to community college for at least a year, I have no real friends to speak of so I didn't go to school events or even prom and all around I feel like an empty shell. I don't know why I'm like this or even where I went wrong which is the worst part but over the years I self destructed somehow while everyone else seems to be having the time of their lives. But for whatever reason I don't seem to care and just feel numb about it. I'm trying to pick up the pieces but nothing is working and yet I'm afraid to give up. this is only the basic sum of details of the shit hole life that I've given myself but you get the picture. So yeah, feelbadman.
I'm just a fucking loser. all I do in life is sit at home and play video games. I work and am doing fine but I have no friends other than my online friends. They're nice, but I want someone real to talk to and hang out with.
>Be me >17 years old >go to school >have tons on friends >drink occasionally >find an introvert from class >she was fun >end up talking to her for 4 months every single day >usually get tired on everyone, but not her >go to parties, flirt with her etc. >get common friends fast forward 2 months >end up saying i love her sister >fuk up fuk up fuk up, error >she says she wants to talk >shit brix >go meet up with her, talk about it, end up going to her place since it's cold outside >go to her room, sit >she talks, i just sit there for 30min, no words, nothing >she starts singing 'say something i'm giving up on you' >Eventually she gets tired and tells me to go home >go home, immediately text her, that i'm sorry and i wanted to kiss her >she goes nuts, tells me to meet her next day after school >next day, after school comes to my place >bla bla bla, end up kissing, she tells me she has liked me for awhile >what is love, how do i gf? >start dating etc. everything goes well Fast forward 10 months >I fuk up alot of times, everytime tell her i'm sorry and i will change >StillNope.jpg >fuk up for the last time >this time start changing myself >she tells me she wants to talk >meet her, tell her i will change, quit smoking, make myself a better man, this time for'real >she listens to it, encourages me >her turn, she wants to break up >actually felt my heart rip to pieces and get stabbed on each piece >tear up and try to make things right >she hates me >only ask for forgiveness, for my peace >she end sup saying 'what's the difference?' >end up smoking 7 cigs in a row and crying because i hate myself fast forward 2 months >Took my clothes from her place, she took from mine >Don't talk in class even tho we sit together >end up losing all my friends because they liked her better >find out she cried herself to sleep at the end >see fuked up dreams each night for 2 years
>>734288080 same except i don't currently have a job. i failed out of my program and i feel really lost since i thought it was what i was set to do for the rest of my life. all i do is play video games even though i know i should be working on figuring out what the fuck im going to do to be able to support myself in the future.
Ever since I can remember I was always trying my best at school. Kept trying to be perfect, top of the class, the good kid. Parents made me do basketball and football to keep me healthy. Assigned me to a top school during high school. Kept studying hard and playing sports but it was never enough for my parents. When I tried sharing my feelings to them, they never really did understand, they just forget a few minutes later. Never had friends or a girlfriend because I was busy with studying and my parents were religious nuts that won't let me date until I reached college. I took two days off of mandatory football practice and my parents threw a fucking fit. Kept saying a I was lazy and spent too much time on videogames. Blamed me for being not prioritizing what they wanted.
I can't take it anymore /b/. I can't keep doing this. I try to meet their expectations yet I can't fucking reach it. They say they are "proud" of me but when I begin to relax they flip their shit. I barely talk or even see these fuckers and they keep blaming me for shit. I just wished things were different, something fulfilling, or just something I can enjoy in peace. I just wished I had a friend to talk to.
>>734286761 There'll still be those rugged assholes surviving. Or maybe not us. Maybe some strand of extremophile bacteria. Who knows. It'll set us, or just life in general, back a bit. But we're here now and we aren't gonna go anywhere anytime soon.
>>734270413 I'm a 20 year old man and I've never had a girlfriend before. I'm not ugly but I've just never really tried to get one.
Tomorrow my friend (who literally fucks a new girl every 4 days) will show me how to pick up random stranger girls.
I don't know if I can do it, kind of nervous. I'm 5'6 and Chinese and he's 5'11 and white, so I think he's kind of biased when he tells me "It's not that hard dude if I can do it you can do it."
My only solace is the slim chance I'll somehow magically turn into a 10/10 in the next few years. Maybe I'll start going to the gym again? Maybe I'll get braces and fix my jawline? Even if both those things happen I'm still a 5'6 manlet.
>>734285846 Can second. One moment I was considering suicide. I decided to ask this girl who I liked but thought was way out of my league out to prom (this was like 3 months ago, I'm just some edgy senior in HS). She told me she'd love to and that she's loved me for like a year. Shit gets better, y'all. Maybe not as drastically quickly as this, but it does get better.
>>734288861 I tried multiple times. They don't listen to jack shit. They keep saying "back in my day we didn't so this with our parents". They fucking see anything. Nothing makes them happy. They confuse tired with laziness when is comes to me.
>Be me 17 >Sick af, Couldnt even leave house >Stayed home and played League all day >Eventually meet girl on league >We start talking, add each other on skype and fb >Talk every day and night >Skype a few times >Tell her I like her and she says she likes me >Fast forward in, We start dating, She lives Aus and im in NZ >Kms.jpg >We plan to meet when I save up enough money. >We date for a year, She makes me happy never felt so amazing in my life. >Failing school cause id rather stay up till 3 in the morning talking to her >Year passes, I move to the city from my home town. >Find clubbing and alcohol. Makes the relationship hard cause im an idiot. >We make it through, Introduce her to some more of my friends and they become good friends >Plan to go see her mid year 2016 >Talking one night on skype, "I dont think i want to see you anon.." >Felt nothing, Next day almost walked in front of a car >Called me an attention seeker and maybe i shouldve done it >We work through it. >I get a lot of money from doing illegal things >Planning to see her >Stupid argument, All my fault >She finally gives up >Heart shatters into pieces fast forward a month or 2 >At a party with friends, one pulls me to the side >He asks how I am and if me and her are together >Explain to him and he tells me if I love her ill get her back >I type up a huge message, Saying ill change, saying ill come see her etc >We talk for a bit >She turns me down >I try move forward >Find out shes dating one of my friends now >I get a 9mm >I know where he lives >Standing outside his house ready to kill him >He walks out to go do something >Cant see me >Arms shaking, tears of rage and sadness >Put gun away and drive home
He still doesn't know how close to death he was I still love her with all my heart and if i ever see him again, I will slit his throat.
All memes aside, threads like these remind me of Shrek. More specifically, the line where he hears Fiona say, "Who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly."
I feel everyone in this thread wants to be loved, same as I do. As we talk amongst ourselves remember this: If I could talk to every one of you magnificent bastards and comfort you, I would. But since I can't, this post will have to do. I love you anons, and good night.
>>734270413 It hit me hard just now. A year ago myself and a girl fell for each other at first sight, and our connection was strong. We melded and complimented each other, and love felt like slow-dripping honey, running over me and driving myself intoxicated with the thought of her.
What made this love so special was this sort-of acceptance of each other; neither of us are super models and we have our flaws, but these were beautiful to us. It was like we both have been rejected and asmhamed, but in each other's eyes, this made us love the other more. Like signatures on special parchment.
She made me feel desired for the first time in my life, like I was the only thing she cared for; I had rejection issues and always felt like I was never important to anyone, but she made me feel like I truly mattered.
What hurt the most was the fast-yet-slow drifting apart because of political/religious differences. Her being left and I being right caused issues we both feared, and watching the both of us reluctantly decide to separate ways was cruel. I felt a cold betrayal from both her and myself, and it was the worst pain I had ever felt.
Moving on was hard, and I still feel the pangs today. It was love, and I know this because she has changed subtle things in my life. Anytime I see a girl who has her copper hair with bangs like curtains, I feel the shards of attraction that use to belong to her. It almost feels trivial, trying to argue with myself that I find that attractive for reasons other than her.
What hurts the most is that, at the time, I thought hindsight would set things straight and convince me that it was for the best. One year later, it just made it worse. After courting other women, I haven't found that connection again and, even with the glaring differences, I still think about her cute and dorky laugh and her chipmunk smile.
This time is painful. I regret nothing, yet everything. Only if Caitlyn ;(
>be me >17 y/o >a fuccin faggot >on mobile device Have an awesome girlfriend whomst'd've i love Have literally no one else my age Thought I had a friend, he was kind of an asshole I introduced him to another 'friend', they became friends and abandoned me or some sht Enoughisenough.mpg Stopped talking to them, got them all blocked evrywhere My burning hatred hasn't extinguished Descovered i got no one other than my gf and my parents, but they are pretty tired for us to go anywhere. Everyonesucks.org See all young bois getting drunk n shit whilst ive been fucking studying physics n browsing da net My gf is kinda grounded idk I got severe anxiety issues Just today i got an attack @ a mall because i thought I was being scammed by the cashier The worst attack in years, lasted like ten minutes Could barely move Constant sadness for my lack of mssgs from anyone Got no boys to crack open shit My best pal is s one i met on the net
I realize that i'm a nihilist 3 years ago, i was ok with that, i had my hobbies, own goals. Then slowly i started to lose interest in what use to entertaine me , i was already jumping between passiv and active nihilism but i become more and more passive. My hobbies "fade" away, i can no longer find one without being bored i can no longer fool myself about the "find something you like and grab it and do it". It's like being a slave being a slave of your own being, for what? Live? When the only things that's still here is the void and death you can no longer fool yourself with goals and live. I want to die, i dont even know if i suffer maybe i deny it maybe not, i'm empty and bored.
>>734290157 Just lazy. Face it. You want shit handed to you. If someone said here's a billion dollars. Live as you please. Your mind would change faggot. Dont label yourself or label anything you clown ass snow flake
So I realized very recently how I fucked up with the one girl I've ever truly loved.
> high school sweethearts, everyone was happy for us > honest to god perfect relationship; she would play vidya with me and do things I liked > we always were able to resolve all arguments except one > she was a year under me, so I went to college (in the same state) while she was a senior in high school > she's busy and we dont see each other for a > during this time a girl I met had been sending signals and flirting with me > I break up with my gf due to lack of communication and spending time with one another > go for new girl, but never stop thinking of ex > try to ignore my feelings but gets harder, especially when new gf is abusive af > break up after 2 years > decide to tell my high school sweetheart ex how ive felt all these years > to my surprise she still feels the same way > says I was still the best relationship she ever had > but > goddamn it, she says if things were different she'd go for it again but shes dealing with personal things and because I'm moving soon > we hug and out of emotions we kiss > now I'm stuck regretting ever breaking up with her and wondering how things couldve been
I know I probably deserve it, but fuck does it hurt. My impatience lost me the only person I loved. I could handle if she didnt have any feelings towards me but knowing she does is what kills me. She was absolutely perfect and I still have the things she wrote me and reading them tears my heart apart because of the genuine amount of love in her words.
Don't do what I did. Never give up love if you have it, because you will regret it for the rest of your life.
>I'm socially awkward >I'm not guy but somehow I push >girls away (it's like I panic or >something) >the girl that I like doesn't text me anymore >the gym is the only thing that my makes me not want to kill myself
Spanish fag here so excuse my English (not Mexican)
>>734290587 Fucking basically me, perfect relationship nothing wrong, but because of one girl showing interest and me being lonely and an idiot I wound up ending it because of never seeing each other. Worst decision of my life I regret it every day now.
I was with my wife for 7 years married for 5. I've got 2 kids with her, and is literally my soulmate, my best friend, my everything. I am bipolar and get bouts of deep dark depression. I woke up one day after battling this for a few weeks and decided I needed to leave. After 2 weeks of being gone I realized I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I try to come home and beg for her to forgive me. But she tells me that she can't deal with my emotions anymore and is sleeping with another guy, and can't take me back. I almost killed myself 4 or 5 times since then. I'm getting better but it's still the most painful thing I have ever felt. Just wanted to share.
My cat had kittens and is still nursing, so when a friend said she found a 3 week old kitten abandoned by her mother, I offered to let my cat foster it. She said yes and gave the kitten to me. My cat nursed it and treated it like one of her own. I would also hand feed it a few times a day. Last week it was cuddled up asleep next to me on the floor under a blanket. I got up to put my son to bed and when I came back 20 minutes later, it was bleeding on the floor. My boyfriend or my daughter accid ently stepped on it not knowing it was under the blanket. I screamed and cried the rest of the night. Worst part was when my cat started freaking out because she couldn't find it. I feel fucking awful.
While I'm laying in bed with her, I hold her as tight as I can. She always giggles and tells me she isn't going anywhere. I never reply. She doesn't know the real reason I hold her so tight isn't because I'm scared she will leave, it's that I'm scared that I will.
>>734270413 Well, that's true. You can share your sadness with closest members of family - and even in doing that you shouldn't be annoying and load all of your problems on their shoulders. People around you want positivity from you - everybody has their own sadnesses or hardships to deal with, plus chronically sad people often offer no solution to their problems - they can't say "do this and I won't be sad anymore". And thus it becomes an excruciatingly difficult task to hang around somebody that gives the weight of your problems on your hands without being able to offer something in return.
It's the same reason you don't take in a homeless person into your house - you are not a bad person, you just know that you do not need an unnecessary burden in your life.
Smile, laugh at yourself and the situation, try to be as positive as possible. This does not have to be sincere. But the main effect will be on your psyche when you see HAPPY people around, when you see that you made somebody's day better, that people want to be around you.
'Feels' about messages like this are just despicable self pity. Hide your sad mood, save the tears for when you are alone. Life is suffering, but from suffering good things may come.
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