explain your perfect murder

edgy autistic kid hates someone at school, goes to 4chan for ideas, ends up killing himself. self-murder - OP

>>734193810
>be me
>lost all family at 16
>anti-social, never had any friends or anyone that knows me
>literally hate myself, because I'm such a useless raging faggot
>plan to murder myself
>hangs self in attic
>no one will ever know because nobody knows I even exist

>>734193890
change of thread explain your perfect suicide im gonna need to after anons hard core roast

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>>734193810
Don't be silly OP, if I was murdered how could I describe my perfect murder

>>734193890
Probably 95% accurate

>>734193974
Get friends to play with online and dont care about the world. your life is about you. let everyone else play this theater of relationships and friendships. be you, do you, do what you want, dont think what other people think - UMAD attitude all the way. stop trying to be like everyone else

>>734193810
A dagger of ice. No murder weapon.
During the night, far away from your home.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeQ9NchJ9Yc

>>734193974
story of my life

Long distance shot from a rifle with a suppressor. Most likely a 300 blackout. Shoot from secure location, promptly leave when kill is confirmed, but calmly to avoid drawing attention. Never a good idea to kill someone you have close ties to. Motive is a big part of lining up a suspect. If investigators can't establish motive, and you leave no evidence, they'll only have a .30 caliber bullet and no clue where it came from or why.

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>M99 to the neck
>Wrap kill room in sheets of plastic
>Wrap victim in plastic wrap as well
>Knife to the heart
>Chop up body parts and put in heavy duty bin liners
>Drop bags in ocean

>>734194724
The ice wouldn't have the strength to stab someone and it would just break, not to mention the difficulty in transporting it without melting

get victim charged with pedophilia or something along those lines, how you get that to happen is up to you. now just kill them in a relatively discreet way, if it's not really obvious police don't tend to investigate murders of people like that.

>>734194812
Side note: avoid a situation where the bullet passes through the victim into a solid object. Once this happens the investigators can at least generalize the trajectory and roughly estimate where the shot came from. If there are security camera feeds in that area you're in trouble.

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>>734193810
fat chance of happening but

have a loved one of the target or some one who is close to the target be slowly manipulated in to killing the target

set up a new ecu in targets car that you can manipulate remotely

manipulate media consumption to start to make the target become paranoid and increase the chance of suicide

idk there are many non messy ways and many messy ways
nothing is a guarantee there is no perfect murder its very hard or impossible to have the link from the culprit and the target to be non existent

kinda like taking a stolen fire arm going up to some random guy on the street killing him with it and leaving the gun there
you just made the link or trail longer and more difficult to follow

>>734195110
frangible ammunition

>>734194829
>pin it on random black guy who is suspicious of you

I posted this a long time ago. I lost the screencap so I'll just type it out as best I can.

>plan ahead
>It's better to target people outside of my circle (Strangers)
>Schedule Doctors appointment.
>While waiting to be seen in the actual exam room, appropriate 2 pairs of latex gloves and 4 syringes. (Yes they have them, you just have tor rummage through the drawers, one of them will contain some type of needle)
>At a later date, visit two military surplus stores, (on different days) acquire 1 set of boots (My size) from one location and 1 set of boots 3-4 sizes large than my own at another location.

>preparation
>Take hacksaw or some other cutting implement to the bottom of the boots which are far too large.
>Take the bottom of the boot that was removed and melt the rubber to the bottom of the boots that do fit, giving them the footprint appearance of belonging to a much larger man.
>Melt the bottom of the boots to remove any tread and melt the bottoms of the cut boots to remove any indication of cutting.

>Killing a victim
>Find a victim. I would target gay men because of their sexual proclivities. Many of them are "Down" which would make getting them into my vehicle easier.
>drive to a secluded "make out" area. Perhaps a rest stop or some other such place. "I'm married and don't want anyone to see me"... Fags love corrupting straight men
>Kill the fucking homo.

>Disposal

>After the queer is dead, we should have already been in the back seat of my vehicle.
>Cover the body with a tarp.
>Drive home
>Pull into garage so no one sees me transfer the body into the house
>Put body on tall table
>Open purloined needles, with ample duct tape attach lengths of garden hose to them which lead into large empty water cooler jugs
>Insert needles into the corpse to drain as much blood out as possible.
>Use manual compression to stimulate blood flow if necessary

>>734195645

>Once the body is sufficiently drained of fluids. Dismember into 9 sections. Forearms, Upper arms. Calves, Thighs, Head, Torso

>Disposal 2

>wrap feet in several grocery bags. tape them around ankles. Put on socks, put on boots.
>Put on both pairs of latex gloves under leather driving gloves
>Put on hair net under a beanie.

>Gather head, and forearms of corpse. Smash out the teeth and remove the finger tips. Put them away for later disposal

>wearing the boots that fit, and a backpack with a 30lb weight in it and a sack containing the body parts. and the oversize boots
>Travel 40-50 miles away from home.
>Ditch body parts in "random" locations, that is not an identifiable area.
>Get back in vehicle after the deed is done
>Drive 10-15 minutes down the freeway.
>Throw oversized boots out the window onto the side of the freeway

>Return home.
>put blood into large pyrex dishes, and bake in the oven until completely cooked. Break it up into powder, mix with bleach.
>Take stomach contents and blood/bleach combo. Flush down the toilet. (Don't do this if you have a septic tank)

>enjoy the fact that I just killed a man

>>734194829
>murder with no motive

ok edgelord what if I want to kill my motherinlaw

>>734195666
>>734194829
shit I meant >>734194812

shoot people full of cancer with 5ghz routers

>drug someone full of lsd and pcp
>give them a knife and send them outside in a residential area
>call the cops
>laugh
Moral of the story is have someone else do the dirty work

>>734194829
Decomposition creates gas. Gas fills the bags. Eventually, through a combination of tension from the bag becoming buoyant and degradation of whatever tether you attached to the weight will break and the bag will float to the surface.

Dexter is a shitty show.
Kill yourself

>>734195807
wrap body and or body parts in chicken wire or put them in cages fish will pick it pretty clean

>kill the victim
>dont get caught
>profit??

>>734195912
You're aware that the ocean is salt water. Right?

>>734195776
actually
fentanyl would be much better and can be absorbed through the skin and it takes very little to o.d. less then what you would ever notice coming on contact with

>find person
>kill
>knock self out in apartment with body
>police find
>no forensic testing and you're good

>>734196015
how long do you think it would take 18 gauge wire to corrode in salt water
as compare to a body decomposing and being eaten in salt water

>>734196124
nigga thats almost as bad as shootimg your self in the leg

>>734196173
18 gauge is roughly the same gauge as a ladies earring.
electrochemical corrosion could degrade the wire within weeks.

>>734195807
maybe the bags arent airtight

>>734195807
If you watched Dexter, you'd know he using rocks from his Marina to weigh down the bags. Try again dipshit,

inb4 raep https://youtu.be/BFjEzNTxxYg

>Go to antifa rally
>wear mask
>Hit someone with bikelock
>?????
>profit

>>734196486
If you knew anything about reality you'd know that the bags would eventually pop and the body parts would float the surface.
That has actually happened in the real world. People have been trying to use this "trick" for decades.
It never works and you're a fucking retard.

if you wanted to throw a weighted bag into the water you would want to use a heavy nylon woven bag so the gas has somewhere to escape from.

Jesus you fucking kids piss me off. You think you know something, and you're too stupid to realize how fucking stupid you are.

>Kill them so that little/no blood or tissue is spread
>Burn their clothes, smelt metal jewellery, melt any plastic accessories
>Use stainless steel chain to secure large cement blocks to ankles
>Dump as far out at sea I can go and away from commercial traffic or pleasure spots
>Toss the metal, ash and plastic over at some point the way there

I don't understand bags, barrels/drums or burying

My totally original idea. Do not steal. See you need a pig farm...


Really all you need to do is get a surpressed .22 with subsonic rounds. Its about as loud as a pellet gun. Find a homeless person sleeping. Shoot at the base of the skull. 2-3 quick pops. Cover with blanket and walk away.

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>>734193810
Okay by body is so reggie
>Prepare mold of sword shield and armour (because ice ments therefore evidence also melts)
>Gather worthy men to join you in the spoils of war
>pour water into molds
>stare at molds for 5 minutes before you finally realise that you're gonna need a bigger fridge
>Ask knights to spare some of their tendies funds for this important situation
>cry for lack of tendies
>Get big fridge
>place molds in fridge
>wait 48 hours for water to freeze
>equip finely crafted frost armour and glorious weapons for battle.
> promptly find extra reasons to live in the shape of crusty tendies under the couch
>proceed to attack the enemy head on with master crafted equipment
> bust through the enemies door and great him with many furious neck beards
>End up being fat spinning bey-blades collapsing on one another in a raging flurry of tendieless fury
>the battle is won with little loss of men
>people will now think twice about calling me faggot over the internet

To be honest, the perfect murder is simply stabbing a completely random person a huge walking distance away from your home straight in the neck, in an area that's not supervised.
There is absolutely nothing connecting you to that person and thus most likely nobody will ever find out it was you.

Unless you left good evidence and your data is taken at a later point for whatever reasons.

>>734195247

"set up a new ECU"

Ok ill go do that and not get caught.

What the fuck are you smoking?

>>734195645
>>734195659
>Killing the victim in your own car
>Disposing the body in your house

Its like you WANT to get caught.

>>734193810
Why is everyone trying to be so fucking edgy?.

Want a perfect murder? simple. Go on a holiday to a country with lots of tourists, like Spain. During the evening when there's a fuckton of people. Just stab a dude who's pissing against the wall or something.

No motive, no connection. Going out is my alibi if i even need one. No way to trace

>>734198308
Don't a lot of countries in Europe have CCTV everywhere?

>>734198479
Not in back alleys in spain. Plenty of side streets with dudes pissing in them and no CCTV

And not only in spain. Had a friend who got stabbed in the UK and they never identified his attacker(since it was random)

>>734198479
mostly in the UK, in other countries it's mostly confined to train stations, airports, courthouses etc.
You could totally stab a guy on the street and no one would know

ideal ? depends on many factors the victims routine style of life tendencies where he or she lives alone ? if yes does she have animals that could disturb you if you were to break in does he or she have nosey neibours scope out the flow of the area when people go in and out do you have a connection to the victim ? if no then its better if yes it is more dangerous also many more factors

>>734193810
Someone I have no personal connection too, learn their habits and then when they are alone just walk up and stab in the back and twist.

Using a glove so no fingerprints and just drop the knife down a drain.

>>734194690
I second this!
I did the exact same thing and it helped me get over my depressions, and made me not care about other peoples opinions. I'm happier than I could ever be and I'm not as pessimistic as I used to be before. Drugs like LSD helped me to fix my shit aswell (Not trying to encourage someone with depression to try LSD, it can either help your depression or you'll end up killing yourself. Luckily I am a gifted tripper)

>>734200565
the thing with it being a person with no relation to sort of makes it somewhat less of a sexual or god feeling but in terms of getting away with it no relation to the victim is better

>>734200686
Well yes because the perfect murder for me is the one where I dont get caught.

>>734200847
for me murder is not really a turn on i wouldnt mind a sex slave cut arms and legs off so escape is not a option id rather want years of mental abuse over death

>>734200935
What is punctuation?

>>734201038
do not care on 4chan

>>734200935
So why not do the whole fritzel thing? Soundproofing basement, chain to the wall and such?

>>734195807
Solved, just put a small hole into the bag. Nobody would notice small bubbles coming from the bottom of the sea (if you don't drop them right next to a beach atleast)
but yeah, better way to do this is not to drop the bodybag in the ocean

>>734201120
seems like a good idea planning and location must be a pain

>>734201220
Well maybe not, I mean you can even find plans over fritzels basement online and improve on the design.

>Steal empty syringe
>Go to a heavily crowded area with intended victim
>Inject empty syringe quickly and discreetly into victim's vain
>Causes a heart attack or stroke due to air embolism
>Leave scene
>Dispose of syringe by crushing it and putting it in the sewer

I never did this however if one wants to kill someone and make forensic scientist jobs difficult this is a good way to do it.

>>734201763
They'd have to be holding nice and still so you could actually hit a vein (highly unlikely). Hell, my veins are tough to find when I go to have blood drawn and they are trained and using a techniques to make it easier to feel where the vein is. There's been times when they switched arms, or had to stick me 3 times before finally getting the vein.

>>734194812
They will have the bullet in the victim in which they can use to find your gun because each gun leaves a unique marking on bullets

>>734201919
still, if you read up a bit on anatomy and stalk your victim until he stands still, it's a pretty good plan

>>734201919
I didn't say it was going to be easy

>>734193810
> Hit them over the head with a frozen leg of lamb.
> Bung it in the oven
> call police in hysterics
> serve it to police officers when they
>police eat evidence

>stab with an icicle.
>weapon melts away
>???

PROFIT

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>>734193810
>Freeze horsesemen in the shape of a stake or conelike with a sharp edge.
>Litteraly hammer horsesemen into someone
>Cum unfreezes, leaving no evidence of your actions.

>>734202404
A lot of killers in the past have reached out to offer assistance to the police, thinking they are hiding in plain sight. Police know that this is a thing, do not recommend.

>>734194724
Can't you just kill yourself at home?

>>734194724
>>734194923
What if somehow you became a suspect and they found your dagger shaped ice cube trays?

>>734202881
Then you just tell the police it's just a meme you dip

>>734202404
>I'm so upset about this dead guy in my house!
>would you like this leg of lamb to gnosh on while you secure the scene around a CORPSE!
>"Sgt., this neckbeard keeps trying to get us to eat a whole leg of lamb"
>"I'll tell the detectives, they'll have a confession by tomorrow"

>>734201978
Okay, so it's not like they have some sort of database where they can search your guns unique fingerprint. And they're not going to search through and find everyone who owns a .300 rifle and inspect their rifle/question them. I don't think you realize how many murders go unsolved

>>734195645
>>734195659
How would you "hook up" with someone without leaving any evidence behind?

>>734193810
Bury yourself alive

Only real answer:

>travel to a town you've never been to and know nobody in, pay for everything in cash
>find a random person, preferably a black person or a hooker
>kill them quietly
>leave town and never, ever come back

>>734193810
i press a button, and every human on the planet but me dies instantly.

i spend the rest of my days wandering the earth and exploring the wreckage left behind.

I never really planned the murder so much as the disposal of the body, aside from lining everything with plastic, I use a BlendTec blender to liquify the body and use long funnel to dispose of it in tub drain as to not leave traces on outer surface of drain

>>734193810
Weaponized Autism

>>734193810
Suicide is always the perfect crime before kill as many as possible

>>734193810
Wait until they die.

>>734193810
Going into house
>hide in attic or somewhere forgotten
First day
>use all bowls fir cereal
First night
>kill son/daughter using strangulation tactics
Second day
>use up plates
Second night
>take knives (not butter knives) and cut open the throats of the parent(s) in their sleep.
Use gloves, boy.
>escape, backpack full of dishes and silverware

>>734202404
I'm pretty sure it's a requirement for detectives to read Lamb to the Slaughter. Dahl's adult works are way better. Also:

> Drive to country road and park up, put on my lights.
> Wait for someone alone to drive past, flag them down.
> Say some shit about car breaking down. While they're helping, shoot them in the back of the head,
> Drive off. Nobody even knows I was there.

>>734193810
Hack into a drive by wire car computer. Make deadly accident.

>>734195807
>Use rocks to weight them down.
>Poke holes in the bag for gas to escape.

Shit arguments.

>>734207062
Just get dog cages and fill them with rocks.

>>734193810
One where the other person is sneaking around and trying to do underhanded shit and in the process end up in my midst where I'm forced to defend myself.

>>734193810
I killed her but don't know what to do with the body so I took every piece several hours past by putting the remains in the sink one by one. The person that I now killed is on the missing list

>>734207539
Brian?

>>734205131
Depends on the gun, I think there is a database of (at least) certain guns where a round is fired and the data is kept on records. I know this at least applies to things like AR-15s and handguns but I don't know about hunting rifles or others like shotguns.

>>734206055
The old fashioned way? Go to a bar/club and meet someone?

>>734206576
Don't know shit about BlendTec blenders but I do know Dennis Nilsen was caught due to disposal of remains down his drains. Stuff eventually got clogged and foul odors were present. Neighbors in the same building complained, eventually police stopped by and the rest is history.

>>734207882
That's a good name.

Shoot Seth Richard.