Crimes you did

smonk

>>733651764
i stole a bubblegum from the supermarket one time

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>>733651764
I pirated Halo in 8th grade.

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Hack'd a vending machine

>>733651764
Once i lied to the pizza store clerk about whether or not i got my free drink already. I did. I said i did not. I took another one.

The police never caught me. I still live deep in the forest. Theyll never find me.

robbed a few houses

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I haven't payed for a movie in years, been watching them pirated online. Though I would gladly pay to watch a movie with a female...

stole a pencil off the teacher's desk in 1st grade

>inb4 monster

>>733651764

Trespassing, especially on roofs and shit. Loved doing that at night, checking where I can get. Also smoking weed and stealing some roadsigns.

>>733651764
Helped rob a comic book store around 1996. Ending of the comics boom. Owner owed my cousin money he borrowed because he though comics would make a comeback. Didn't pay back. I was invited to participate. Walked out with two boxes of MTG boosters and a longbox of random Mirage TMNT comics for myself. I miss those days.

did a lot of super shitty graffiti in my younger days.

also stole quite a lot of alcohol from grocery stores. my friends and i would just walk in, each grab a couple bottles or bricks of beer and walk out.

i think the worst was probably buying and selling a handgun for cash under the table, zero paperwork.

>>733651764
Nice try, police departments.

I mean I guess it depends on what you consider is rape. Basically go to parties to purposely find the drunkest girl there and sleep with her. It doesn't count as rape if she's still concience when she consents right.

took 2 pieces of candy when the lady said 1.

i stole Colgate toothpaste from my drug dealer..

Pirate as much as I can. Movies, computer games, even books. Half the reason I got a 3DS is because I read up on how to hack it and get pirated 3DS and emulator games. I don't pay for shit.

Yes, I know these are kiddie crimes and not impressive

I stole a balloon on national free balloon day

I shit down the basement stairs and blamed it on the dog.

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>>733655889

>it doesn't count as rape if she's still concience when she consents right.
>concience

if your cuck neckbeard leaves before she wakes up & sees your autistic ass in her dorm room then yeah maybe

>>733653629
Detals please. I stole from one once while the guy was loading it. I felt like a big shot and then later I felt bad.

>>733655905
There is a lot of minor seeming confessions in here for the sake of irony and humour.

This, i cant tell. Tell me its true because that's fucking hilarious.

I raped my 6 year old sister's teddy bear while she watched because she was being annoying...this was last week...

>>733656111

damn what a trips

i did that but w/ my sister

Ordered a pizza and three drinks. The drinks were 2 litres and were billed as cans. Never told a soul.

>>733656062
YOU FUCKING MONSTER! YOU'RE WORSE THAN FUCKING TERRORISTS AND CHILD MOLESTERS! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? IF I KNEW WHO YOU WERE MOTHERFUCKER AND KNEW WHAT YOU DID I'D KILL YOUR ASS!

Does animal cruelty apply to mice?

>>733656169
>6 yr old sis
>watched
>>for being annoying
>>>last week
pedo

>be me the pizza guy
>young man opens the door
>hi this is your pizza that'll be
>money exchanged
>flowers trampled
satan is pleased

>>733651764
i accidentally stole a box of tic tacs when i put it in my pocket and forgot about it.

>>733651764
I never use crosswalks...

>>733655845
Holy fuck, me too, samish year. Comic, d/d books, dork shit, loaded up with a nigger buddy of mine. Dude tried to stop us, nig bro had dads police service/ weapon in his waist band. I had never even scene a gun before that. Comic dude starts stuttering and fucking bolted. Dude hands me the gun and we run our stupid balls off.

>>733656169
You should have stop at the seventh word

I shit my pants and blamed it on when I had the dog down my pants.

>>733656439
>>733656439
not if you're feeding a lizard

I did 9/11 and blamed the Saudis so we could go and take their oil.

>>733657423
Is periscope illegal in Russia?

Voted for Hilary

>>733657659
no

i dont do crime, im white, crime is for niggers.

underage drinking
possession of cp(same age as me)
vandalism
trespassing

>>733655884
lol i did the exact same shit...

except for the handgun part

I got full version Duke Nukem 3D from a AOL pirate room emailed right into my email box.

>>733658503
shhh, don't tell catwatch

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>>733651764
raped a clown to death

he was all
>please stop, oh god no, please no, stop, i have a wife

but i just kept raping until he was dead

>>733658503
asl?

Paid a girl to get my boyfriend's ex drunk and rape him while he couldn't stop her but was aware and took a video. I jerk off to the video probably twice a week

>>733659024
Should clarify, she took the video
And my $170
And his drunk dick

Don't I know if it's a real crime or not but I jacked off in my sister's shampoo bottle with the top off a few times.

>>733659024
So you are a male and you have a boyfriend¿

>>733659778
No crime there, bit fucked but no crime.

burned down apandoned houses, stole copper out of said houses, sold the copper to a scrapyard to get high and drink with my buddy, robbed a meth head with said buddy, someone stole my cigarette money i laid on a counter in the local store so i slashed their tires and poisoned their dog. stole bikes, broke into an old ladys shed who had a lot of aluminum cans and cashed those in to get high etc etc

>>733660006
Indeed

>>733660078
got high on percocets and xanax mixed together and broke into a scooter shop, stole basically a homemade bicycle with a motor on it and rode it home. used ti like three times then sold it to get high. stole a shotgun from some dudes house who wanted me to help him move, kept it though

>>733660222
kys faggot

>>733659024
also fake and gay

I once attempted to enslave an entire world by imprisoning the furry woodland creatures inside of robotic bee and scorpion robots.

>>733660222
You my good sir, are a homosexual. Just so you know.

>>733660599
But ya weren't quite fast enough, hmm?

>>733651764
Currently on gear shhh

>>733660222
Fucking homo. Go and suck dick you fag

My neighbors in my mother's apartment complex were giving her a hard time. So I broke in and too a shit on the bed. Then ransacked the place. I didn't take anything, but I smashed stuff all up. Cops came, took evidence. Interviewed a whole bunch of us if we saw stuff. No one said nothing and they moved out a month later. New people are great, for now.

I've jaywalked all over the country.

As far as I understand the police have an active investigation open trying to find me.

I have a few simple rules

>Never cross the same road twice
>Cross roads illegally in a random fashion, sometimes driving hours from my hometown just to cross a road
>Never cross in broad daylight, its just too risky

Haven't been caught yet......

>>733651764
Once I stayed 1 hr in the movie theater watching Robin hood (starring Russell Crowe). That was the most fucked up thing I ever did.

>>733660964
Bloody heterosexual. Go and lap clam and hang out with women.

I've stolen many beers from coolers on boats. If you ever need beer and you live near a harbor, just go start raiding coolers. You will undoubtedly be successful as police can't patrol and whatnot.

>>733661430
Oh I though you where the guy who pay the girl to do that, Sorry m8

>>733661430
So you are insulting me for being normal. fucking faggot

Not me but the local neighborhood pedophile was murdered by being burned alive by the father of a kid he molested.

>>733655411
I would definitely love to get my balls sucked clean while at the movies with a qt.

>>733657136
wot?

>>733661800
This guy >>733661430
Is not me >>733659024

>>733660964
> go suck a dick

How is this an insult to a gay dude? He would enjoy it. You are basically telling him to have a nice day.

>>733662182
you forgot the death part

>>733661800
>being normal

I'm positive you've never touched a woman.

I run a home cleaning gig and sometimes steal spare cash my clients leave around their house. Never much really.

The herb. Psychedelics. Porn before 18.

>>733662349
It's looks like you forgot the death part
>Go and suck a dick you fag

was gay this one time in Texas and I got gayed in the ass in public

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>>733662992
You're such a faggot.

>>733651764
>Be me
>Be about 20
>My sister was 16 at the time
>We managed to snag illegal fireworks after our dad's trip to Mexico for...work.
>We light that shit off on 4th of July
>Old empty barn burns down
>Never mentioned it to a soul and only we know what happened
>Dad covered up the crime for us.

Unholy amounts of game, movie, music, and tv show torrenting.

>>733663076
hahahaha damn dude red head pussy good pussy red head women buck like goats if only i were not gay in texas.

>>733655411
>kodi amiright?
kek
good sir,
cerealy doe, watts thine zeldas?

>>733651764
Littering

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stole a display phone once, wow, I was a dumb child

>>733657136
>>733662064
>dads police service/ weapon in his waist band.
>Dude hands me the gun

2wtf5me

>>733651764
>tried to blow ariana grande
>but she pulled out too fast

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>be me
>Highschool stoner selling weed
>Bring edible cookies
>3rd period comes on
>Being stoned out of my mind, wearing tye die clothes, messy hair, red eyes
>Police dogs comes to class with security
>Ohshit, I have cookies in my pockets
>"We'll be conducting a random search every please exit the room for a minute"
>Leave the room in a heart beat
>Eat the edibles
>Police finish search, doggo smelled something on me
>Get pulled out after search for questioning
>mfw I'm high as hell and just lucked out on getting caught with edibles

>>733662353
So you evaluate my whole sexual life with one paragraph. You sir are going to get far in life.

>>733662182
I agree, How do you properly insult a fag¿¿¿ Go and suck vaginas¿¿

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>>733656161

S U M M E R
I S
I N

Chris Cornell'd myself