ITT we are aboard the USS Enterprise

Captain Janeway to crew; prepare yourself for a slipstream jump to the alpha quadrant

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>>732921088
>>732921198
PLEASE STATE THE NATURE OF THE MEDICAL EMERGENCY.

>>732921729
no

breaker breaker come in earth, this is rocketship 27, aliens fucked over the carbonator in engine number four im gonna try to refuckulate it and land on juniper and hopefully they got some space weed, over

>>732921198
But that would be illogical, Captain.

Captain, the holodeck is covered in jizz again.

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>>732921770
Acting Ensign Crusher, reporting for duty!
Sir!
(erm)
Ma'am!

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>>732921770
Then why did you activate me?

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>>732921729
Hey Doc...I've been walking around with a pair of tribble down the front of my pants for the past few days and I think I'm beginning to develop a rash, could I get you to have a look please?

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>>732922025
Stand at ease before you sprain something. Also, don't assume my gender.

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>>732922151
Oh for the love of--

It's been a YEAR, Ensign. Why do you still have those things?

>>732921729
Doktorr I got my ween0r trapped in neellixxes poo pipe again. No homo tho pls don't judge me.

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>>732922269
I can't help myself Doc...I've been stashing these guys away in the vents all these months...I may have a problem

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>>732922295
m8....

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>>732922378
And I'm about to fix it.

In my Ready Room.

Now.

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Dammit you green blooded Vulcan! This is going to hurt you more than its going to hurt me!

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Are you feeling all right, Kes?

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>>732922151

>>732922588
actually loled

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>>732922269
Doc. I think I really fucked up this time. It wasn't anything like eating groceries.

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>>732922588
NO! DON'T RUIN THIS FOR US!!

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>>732922472
As you say Captain...after you...meow!

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>>732922723
I swear Mr. Kim, if it isn't alien-STDs it's whatever...*this* is with you.

>>732922631
This is why you toss them out before they turn 10. Insta-granny.

>>732921729
Hello doc sorry for activating you, I just wanted to let you know that you were the best character on voyager. You were the only character that showed genuine development over the seven years you worked there and were portrayed by great skill by Robert Picardo who made the medical tier character in Star Trek (typically the least interesting) actually worth noticing. Now deactivate yourself you fucking nigger before I put a sharpie in your pooper.

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>>732922645
Tribble time is sexy time

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH TWO AIRLOCKS TO GET TO A FUCKING BATHROOM ON THIS SHIP???

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Boy I sure love existing as totally separate and complete person. I sure hope nothing bad happens to me...

>>732922970
Seconded. Also, before you deactivate, doctor, I fucked Seven of Nine and, well, my dick is cut up pretty badly. I just didn't think...

>>732923083
because space reasons

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>>732922971
CAPTAIN, THEY'RE IN THE ENGINES. SHE CANT TAKE MUCH MORE!!!

>>732922893
Kek moar

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>>732922792

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>>732922970
Well, alright then. But, I should remind you that I'm a soft-light hologram without my mobile emitter, so you can't put a sharpie in there.

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>>732923150
Just embrace them...tribbles are love....

>>732923083
You know damn well why we started doing that. Fucking Klingons, even their smell of their shit wants to kill you.

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>>732923128
I hope for your sake, she consented.

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Ensign, you used the wrong hole.

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>>732923150
Transfuse the dilithium trans-stator through the subspace quantum nexus relay.

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>>732921088
Damn it Rick, how the fuck did we get here?

>>732923347
Consent is irrelevant.

>>732921729
Doc, it's been more than 4 hours.

>>732921088
klingons are niggers. faggot

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What are you friggin idiots doing in my sea thread?!

>>732923466
>Consent is irrelevant
>not RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
YOU HAD ONE JOB, ANON.

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>>732923291
Doc look, my security detail is being detached to the planet below and well, you know how that goes for guys like me...is there anyway I can get you to find me incompetent for duty, just for a short while??

excuse me number 1 I need to take a number 2

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>>732923357
Oh my.

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>>732923440
Uh, uh *burp* I don't know morty, we must have jumped into another universe morty, I just gotta find the main power source and power my portal gun morty.

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>>732921088
hey baby, lemme see ur exhaust manifold

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>>732923592

So, this is kind of embarrassing, but when the transporter picked me up I was, um, well lets just say I'm fused to a goat's ass. Is this an easy fix? I'm on duty in 15 minutes.

>>732923395
Don't tell me how to fix my eng...by George that did it!!!

>>732923761
Yeah that's hilarious and all but it hardly helps my situation...c'mon man I don't wanna die!!

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Open hailing frequencies

>>732921729
Hey Doc, you got and condoms? I really want Tuvoks Big Black Cock in me but he probably got AIDS from all the KFC he's been eating on the bridge lately so don't want to risk him repolarising my anus with his space semen.

>>732923761
Bet it smells like death.

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Captain, I'm receiving a strange frequency from the planet below.

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>>732924050
nyuk nyuk nyuk

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Go put on a red shirt, you're going on an SUV away mission.

I heard over the air chatter that some negress plans to kiss some white male. we cannot let this happen. warp 7

>>732921729
Doctor, I've got to confess! That time your holo emitters went off line last Christmas was my fault. I was watching 7 take a shit in the bogs and I came all over your holo emitters. I tried to wipe them down but it was too thick and gloopy.

Also, did you ever feel 7 up when you were doing your medicines to her? And has she sent you any nudes on snapchat?

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>>732923357

Romulan war bird decloaking off the starbird bow shields at 12 percent arm torpedoes. I dont know commander direct a inverted tackeon pulse at their warp core.

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>>732924732
>>732924149
fuck if I know, I'm a cat

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>>732924732

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>>732924732
All hands rave alert, prepare to raise shields and drop the bass.

I thought since the holodeck program started with CP is was one of your detective stories...

>>732925727
Q!, not this again. come out where I can see you

>>732921088
thanks for the thread gents...needed these lulz

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>>732925837

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I identify as a non-binary speciesfluid cardassiankin lesbian and demand that you use the proper pronoun which is spelled with letters, numbers, poop emoji, and a ball of lint.

Did you just assume my species designation?

>>732926513
pseudopod or gtfo

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>>732921088

The Federation would be a completely socialist system. No money, no wages, just socialism. They did many many episodes promoting free health care, racial equality, open borders to refugees and immigrants, and many other social issues that conservatives don't like.

Just wanted to point that out for you greedy conservacucks.

>>732921826
I'm sorry I'm the only person so far to get that reference. That guy was a gibberish genius.

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>>732927350
damn right

they also had risa

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>The turbo lift opens onto the bridge.

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>>732927033

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>>732927534
wtf don't you knock?

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>>732921088
Captain! We may have a problem.

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>>732927708
I am looking for Ensign Sarah Connor.

>>732927972
I found her in John connors butt.

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I'd like to have a word with you Mr. Kahn, if you'd be so kind as to hear my request.

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>>732921088
Seriously?
Role-playing, again?

My, my.
This won't do.

>>732921826
Ricky, thats not real space words

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Captain, errrr ummmm uhhh ummm uh errrr uhhh ummm uhhhhhhh uhhhhhhh. Okie doke.

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hay guise what'd I miss?

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You mad kid?