What's the most depraved thing you've done while intoxicated

>>732783477
You do coke off an ipad?

>I rubbed my sweaty balls on a person's car handle while high.
>I went to school high on cocaine.
That's about it.

>>732783477
I tried to dance with a girl, but then her friends said no.

>>732783648
bout the only thing they are good for

>>732783834
Thats so boss

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Sucked a traps cock in public

>>732783477
i take random shots at cars on the highway thats just across my house

>>732783477
Op here I once was having sex with this girl and I was fucking druuuunk and I threw up on her and I stopped and she's like are you gonna finish or what so I kept fucking while there was throw up all over her to this day I still feel dirty

Had sex with two prostitutes for half an hour each, ten minutes in between then when I couldn't blow my load I called up my mates sister and and had sex with her.

Plot twist: I hadn't showered after the prostitutes and I'd blown in her mouth

Throw up enxt to a girl
Talked girls at a bar to give me drinks and kisses they did
insulted my colelctiv after doing coke, nobody talks to me lmao faggots
threw up next to a supermarket after too much meth
slept for 3 days in a tent at a concert after taking 3 xtc and 1g shrooms
cut my arm open at a young age after too much booze
fucked a girl infornt of her girlfriends after getting wasted
kicked a door in only to be greeted with a friend quickly leaving and a crying naked girl (enhjoyed the view, needed to replace the door tho)
Insulted people and nearly killed three with a booz bottle (missed the head while throwing)
I dont handle drugs very well

>>732784567
That's a spicy meatball right there me likey

I fucked a 14 year old when i was drunk and out of my mind on ketamine..
No regrets

>>732784729
ket will do it for you

I drank too much shitty rum and drove to a kids house to have him suck my dick. I had never hooked up wit a guy before.
That's probably the worst. Although being an alcoholic for like 7 years, id done some pretty fucked shit

Backed into a fire hydrant on acid
Decided to hang out with my ex because xanax
Robbed a dealer for no reason other than that he annoyed me
Multiple blackout fights that left my hand injured - can't remember clearly what exactly happened

>>732784928
>kids house
how old?

>>732783477

Break into my housemates room, stole underwear, licked all her sexy toys (and jammed a few in my ass for good measure)

Nothing, but I'm 6'4"and come from drunken vikings/german's..

Just don't get drunk, and if I drink way to much I just get sleepy.

>>732785084
What did your height have to do with anything related to this

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>>732784275

Min was opposite. Was getting from a friend's girlfriends on the side of the house during a party. She suddenly puked in my lap. It was just beer puke no food, so I pushed her head back down and made her finish.

>>732785016
I was 19 and he had just turned 18. Like that week. For 3 weeks prior, he had attempted to get me to cum in his mouth. I told him I didnt swing like that. He stressed that a hot mouth is a hot mouth. >One night being more drunk than usual, I get a message on face from him.
> Saying hes super bored and he would love to take a ride in my talon. (Shit tier Asian mobile I drove back then)
>cont..?

Pissed in a strangers oven once drunk af.

>>732785084
I'm 6'2" nice to meet you.

>>732785310
sure

>>732783477
Kicked a homeless dude to death. Was strung on smack, not intoxicated though

>>732785310
>cont..?
Only if you don't write cont..? Every other fucking line and just get on with it.
Either that or don't bother.

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So many bad things...

One of the best, fucked three different girls in one day. Finished in a mouth a pussy and an ass. Not my first hat trick but I was high, drunk and one of the sluts was 10/10.

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Been drinking, went into a quiet Catholic Church in austria. Went into chapel of rest, stole a human skull which was screed onto a shelf above a dead body in a coffin. Went into main church and fucked my girlfriend both naked on the altar whilst I proclaimed 'hail satan' just as we were leaving, a family walked in.... stole a small souvenir cross and got my girlfriend to stick it down my pee hole while she jacked me off.
Sadly, all of the above is true anons

>>732785502

thank you based homeless booter

>>732785310
Sure

>>732785875

maximum over-edge

>>732785875
I pray to Odin that this is true, if it is, you are my hero anon

>>732785310
>>732785413
>>732785623
Alrighty
> Been drinking admiral nelson for about 3 hrs before that
>Decide if I can drink enough to not care, go for it
>That time has come. Get in talon wit admiral in tote
>Flying down back roads to this boys house that is about 7 miles away
>Get there and am super nervous
>Hes alot smaller than I am. Almost chubby but not
>Hes like sweating and scared
>Its about 1145 at night and I take off wit my little cocksucker in the ricer
> I ask him how many cocks he slurps on at night wit "complete privacy" (which is what he kept telling me when I was like I aint gay)

I made out with a stranger's gf, in front of him, on his birthday.

I found out it was his birthday after the fact, when the gf started texting me

At first i was going to jump out of balcony. Then my cousin send me to bed >> i walked out in hotel corridor and saw women that asked me to fuck her. After few minutes i found out that's my cousin and i almost raped her. After that i saw Jesus and pray to him...

>>732785875
Was the family involved in the cross sounding or is that a new chapter of the story?

>>732783477
fucked some chick raw in a public toilet

>>732786137
>>732786137
>>732786137
>He says no ones taken him up on his offer
>I dont believe him
>I tell him it's ok to touch my dick and to try and get it hard but we are not kissing
>He instantly reaches at my jock. I'm wearing basketball shorts
>He finds it and rubs it through my shorts and asks if I want to fuck his mouth
>Never really heard a guy flat out ask that, let alone wit his hand on my dick
>I tense up and almost want to bail on this
>I say Idk ive never done it
>And he says it'll be great
> So I park at the school about 3 miles from his house
>By this time, my dick is half hard half soft because I'm almost fighting it mentally
>I start heavily drinking what's left of the rum and just lean back and pull his head down and he eagerly unsheathes it and licks the head

I had sex multiple times at an adult theater with a bunch of different guys with no protection

>>732783477
Got super drunk, somehow whipped cream got involved in the party, got it put on my bald head, someone put a cherry on top, someone else ate it, ate whipped cream out of titties until the can was empty. Now here's the fucked up part. I wandered away from the party and ended up in an apartment complexes laundromat. I had to vomit, but didn't know where, so I puked in a washing machine. Washing machines are great to puke in. There's a catch basin, there's hand rests on the side, you don't get anything on your shoes, and when you're done, you just close the lid. On a side note, did you know that whipped cream has the same consistency going out as it does coming in? Well after round one, my stomach did the grumbles that only puking more can fix, but washing machine #1 was disgusting, so I moved down the line. My grand total for the evening was three washing machines and a dryer. Why the dryer? Because no one would see that one coming.

No, just my hasty writing. We stole the cross from like a 'honesty' donation area, candles, crosses n shit. The family came in as we were leaving, I got the gf to finish me off back at the apartment with the cross. Had even more outrageous situations and experiences with that crazy bitch

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Fucked my best friend's GF. I feel like shit now even tho they were broken up at the time.

Pic related

>>732784643
>I do meth and insult my friends, anyone who doesn't talk to me is a faggot!!1!

>>732786450
>>732786450
>>732786450

>I push his head down and at that moment I felt his short hair and sweat
>I had a guys lips wrapped around my straight cock
>Fuck
>I intensely regretted that at that moment
>I just let him go to town
>He sucked on it and licked it like a lollipop
>I remember letting my seat go all the way back and the sound of his throat as I went deeper than he expected when the seat flew back
>Then I just grabbed his head and fucked his face to end it.
>Cuz I wanted it over
>He choked on it alot.
>I ended up finishing in his throat and it coming out his nose
>Then I believed him that no one had taken him up on the offer ha
>Head was 5.5/10
If you want any of my other so drunk I fucked around wit a guy stories. Just ask

I accidentally fucked my sister while on Xanax.

>>732786634
>Why the dryer? Because no one would see that one coming.
Cringed at that "joke".

>>732786893
That's legend. Lets hear it

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>>732783477

>>732783477
Rape a girl

>>732786947
Eh, tried to be funny, just woke up. I don't really remember why I puked in a dryer except for the fucking lulz

>>732786762
Please cont..? writing anon.

>>732785875
which city mate, austrian cunt 2 in this thread needs to know

>>732784729
You obviously didn't do enough ketamine. In a good hole I wouldn't be able to understand the concept of vagina. Except maybe in a vague religious way like an idol I remember from when I was still alive.

>>732786879
Most dudes that sick dock are be eternal than their female counterparts. They'll eat your ass and lick your balls way quicker too.

>>732785687
Where do you live?

cheated on my sister with her twin

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>>732783477

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>>732787198

>>732787162
what

>>732783477
>What's the most depraved thing you've done while intoxicated
your mum

>>732783477
Mixed with pills and convulsed for a few hours; nearly suffocated on my vomit once I finally blacked out. Somethin like 3/4 bottle of jack? I was so lightweight then too

>>732786879
>If you want any of my other so drunk I fucked around wit a guy stories. Just ask
Ner, I'm good...

>>732786893
Got green for that anon?

>>732787162
>>732787162
>>732787162
Factual. The dude who sucked me off after him was amazing. I'm not huge but I can choke most girls I've gotten head from. This guy was a deepthroat master

i got home really stoned and i fapped to brazilian farting / pooping porn.

i don't even know why, i hate that kind of shit when im sober

Little to much heroin and woke up yo head had long hair didn't think much of it tell i finished and he thanked me. I got high and basically blown by a dude. I quit doing drug right after that.

>>732783477
Got engaged

>>732783900
story?

>>732787569
Go on

>>732783477
got drunk and puked on the girl in front of me at an AC/DC concert
>she stayed for the rest of the concert

Got away from a police helicopter after throwing Molotov cocktails at some Christmas decorations. I was pretty drunk and high. You never see any one get away at night from a chopper. With night vision and all its hard, but I did. Would love to see the video recording of my getaway.

>>732787293
Me too

>>732786840

>Im a supersensitive riding horse and cant take some banter

stay pleb

>>732787695
>Should have gone green anon.

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>>732786975
>>732787335
I mean yes and no.
>Have 7/10 sister
>Both drunk one day, she tells me about incest fetish
>I'm somewhat opposed to idea, not %100 depraved
>Fast forward to age 22 her 20
At this point it's all from one picture and what my sister tells me happened
>She noticed me eating Xanax like candy
>Flirts with me and does suggestive things
>Puts her hand on my lap and I crack a fatty
>Takes me up to her room
>Gets photo of me fingering her
>Proceed to fuck

When I come to she tells me about everything and I'm still in her bed. Then shows me the picture.

She blackmailed me with it multiple times.
Tfw it sounds like a badass fantasy but I'm living in hell as a personal dildo to my sister.

>>732783477
fingered (both vag and ass) an asian chick at a club

in all fairness had excess of 15 shots, a lotta acid, cocaine, marijuanas and something else i cant remember

almost got arrested that night. good times

>>732783477
Went to /b/

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>>732786893
ok bro. totally banged a family member bc of z bars said no one ever

>>732783477
I fucked a fat chick. Not just a fat chick, but a middle aged 400 lb ugly mom.

fuck tequila man, it brings out the worst in people. I wont sit here and say I was raped, but I woke up wondering what the fuck I was thinking. I kind of remember it.

>>732788375
Well everything here IS a work of fiction anon.

>>732788528
made out with a fatty once. super drunk, super fucked up on opiates. after making out for 10 minutes i came to, horrified and left

>>732788537
thats bullshit and you know it. the reason u get called out is bc u go over the top

just read what u wrote and think about how stupid it sounds. god damn it ur a retard

suicide attempt

>>732788759
how did you do it?

>>732783648
I actually do this too, lol

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Fucked and ate my ex's pussy while she was on her period.

Was coked and drunk out of my mind watching porn at 3AM when I get a text from her asking me what i'm doing.

Long story short I end up driving to her house to do her like a fucking degenerate. I even remember fingering her asshole and licking my fingers afterwards.

So much regret when I sobered up.

She told all her friends I was a freak.

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>>732789039
pshhh ive done that shit so many times w/ so many girlfriends it doesnt even matter

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>>732787695
>>732787997
>Get drunk and high
>Remember I have a stolen plastic snowman in my trunk
>Buddy's and I decide its best we drag it to local pond and set ablaze
>Lots of Molotov cocktails and gasoline
>We light this bitch up, and Molotov it as well
>We stumble off the borders of the pond into residential area
>Immediately see chopper approaching
>Spot light hits us
>We bolt
>Some split up
>As I get to a seemingly safe and quiet street I run across
>BOOM Spotlight
>I start hopping fences with two friends
>Ducking, diving
>Manage to loose him
>Staying low, I can hear police vehicles and firetrucks running the streets just feet away
>Shitting my pants
>Totally killed my high
>Things cool down about two hours later
>Run back to home base and one by one we all assemble from the darkness
>We drink some beers and smoke some bowls
>Victory
>Also my friend recorded the Molotoving
>Pic related

>>732788196
man if that's true it's pretty fucked

not me but a friend of mine

>gets drunk and fucked up on xanax (he loves his xanax)
>breaks into neighbors house, steals guitars, computers
>wakes up the next mornign with all this awesome shit
>goes to pawn the guitar
>feels guilty
>goes to return laptop
>gets arrested

>>732789039
Stimulants and testosterone are a hell of a cocktail... i feel u bro. At least you're only a degenerate when you're fucked up, that's not half bad.

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>>732789349
ask urself anon, how true could that ridiculously over the top never happened to anyone story be?

>>732789365

>gets arrested

lol owned

>>732789515
yea its a funny story. im also a lawfag so i always ask him shit like whered they find the fingerprints bro and how's court ordered rehab treating ya

>>732789486
Ya ur right. I'm just high so it didn't process.

>>732789735
thats ok, nothing wrong with being high

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>Fucked a tranny
>Fucked my mom's best friend
>Fucked my second cousin
>Gangbanged a chick in the park (Consensual)
>Fucked a chick in the mouth while another was eating out my ass (Public)

I'm seeing a pattern here. Well i like booze and i like weed and absolutely love booze and weed together.

>>732787573
>Midnight. Shitfaced drunk.
>Walk to liquor store because need more alcohol
>See halfway decent trap in tube dress with obvious hard on standing in front of store
>Walk in store head straight to porn rack.
>need trap porn bad
>Clerk tells me gtfo
>no porn no alcohol
>Leave store see trap and hard on again
>walk straight over, kneel down
>pull up dress, start sucking
>I get instant boner
>wino out front starts hooting and hollering
>Clerk comes out with baseball bat and chases us all awawy

Didn't drink for almost 5 years after that

i was snorting cocaine and drinking, robbed a brazillian fag first up fucked him up badly he was actually crying, i took his phone and bag and started walking away he was on the floor screaming that he needs his bag he's gonna die, got around the corner opened the bag seen few of needles, turns out he has diabeetus threw the bag down then robbed 2 other guys with one of the needles

>>732785201
It takes him longer to get drunk because the alcohol has farther distance to travel, obviously.

>>732789920
friend of a friend and i were hangin out

dude goes to call his other homie
starts talking about some trap who sucked is dick
comes back to our wtf faces

starts to walk back a little bit. buddy asks how he figured out was a trap, i responded with after she finished sucking his dick she said its my turn

tfw pretty much what happened. he did say it was a good blowjob, but this dude also got tc tat'd on his face when hes fucked up and then proceeded to spend 4-5 days trying to rub it off before someone told him it was a tattoo

>>732786634
i kekd

Fucked a good friends thirteen year old sister when I was 21 up for days on cocaine, speed and constantly drunk. Ended up dating her when she was eighteen

>>732783918

wow, dude.. stop doing that

what if you had to spend the rest of your life in prison because you actually hit someone? not to mention the damage to their life and their family's

>>732786634
>did you know that whipped cream has the same consistency going out as it does coming in

no i did not. thank you for educating us anon

>>732787042
Lets hear it

>>732789206
I felt like a crusty maxi pad when I woke up.

I had the worse case of morning breath and my face/hands felt all crusty. Then when my ex noticed that I was awake she started laughing like a crazy bitch while telling me how amazing I was to not make me feel so bad. Bitch could see the regret in my eyes as I got in the shower and she couldn't help but laugh. Bitch still had the audacity to ask if I wanted company while showering.

I'm pretty sure she also took pictures that night but I was never able to prove it.

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>>732787042
i once banged a passed out chick

>be me
>lots of alcohol
>chick is passed out drunk
>penis starts making demands
>hey u awake?
>gurgle gurgle gurgle
>sounds like a yes to me
>start doing the dew
>omgthisisamazing.jpeg
>she wakes up
>omgthisisbad.html
>asks me wtf is going on
>pull out
>make some lame excuse that she said yes and was talking to me
>she leaves

best pussy ive ever had

>>732790195
Bwahahah
>either true or comic genius

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Removed my frenulum.

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>be Halloween
>Paint my face like the Sudanese flag
>Go out
>Me and buddy took 17 shots before we left
>I was fucking hammered, literally blacked out as soon as we left
>Arrive at some party
>Need to yack
>Casually yack in front of my friend, he lols cause no one sees
>Apparently my sister is at the party, friend goes to go find her to show her how plastered I am
>Fuck this, leave
>Have no idea where I'm going
>Need to shit
>Manage to break into some really fucking expensive apartment
>Shit somewhere, idk where (only have been told this)
>Walk around with my pants around my ankles in front of a bunch of random strangers
>Fire department comes
>They get me together, and drag me outside
>I remember this, there were seven of them standing around me and wouldn't let me leave
>Two behind, two in front, one on each side, and another just standing guard
>They take my phone and ask who they should call
>Tell them Ashhole, they say wat
>Ashhole, spell it out for them
>They call him, he answers and give him a two minute deadline before they put me in the drunk tank
>Try to be casual and stand straight but literally all of them are pushing me
>See my buddy ash, break through all of them and leave

First thing I did the next day was ask ash if I got arrested, he said no you just broke into an apartment and walked around the lobby have naked with your dick out.

Mfw

>>732790557
interesting. id definitely be considered clean, but sexual stuff for some reason doesnt tweak my brain in that way

usually its the girl whos gotta wake me up and tell me to get in the shower

unrelated, once got jail baited by a 16yr old when i was like 23. ate that ass like no tomorrow

>>732790704
100% true

dudes name was mikey and he was just ridiculous. ghetto niggerized white trash all the way but the shit thatd come out of his mouth was always good

>>732790723
why

>>732790025
i have many robbery stories if anyone wants to hear some of them are fucked up, not a nigger just get very violent when drunk and on coke and robbing people is actually fun

>>732790880
>not a nigger

ok everyone, anon checks out

>>732790832

Was tight and uncomfortable.

>>732790880
>not a nigge
Actually you are

>>732790723
youre the most fucked up person here

>>732790723
i didnt wanna look at ur pic. but i had to

thanks anon, its ppl like u that make /b/ great

>>732791005
im actually irish so very far from a nigger

>>732791005
i already said he checks out. stfu

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>>732791080

I repeatedly phones random numbers and ask.

Do you still bath your daughter?

>>732785201
body size is the main factor in alcohol intoxication... though im guessing he meant to post weight along with it.

whilst watching a mate throw up on lsd and ketamine i sat in an empty bath with a gezzer completely losing his mind on pills, to visualise how fucked he was picture a cheese string having a seizure but can still somewhat communicate. I had took a 1/3 gram of md and due to the nutters around me tried to calm down a little with a couple xannies.

time past, me and this crazed lunatic in the bath were smoking a spliff and this drugged fountain began slowly crawling towards us asking if he could have a couple drag on the spliff, something ticked the geezer in the bath off and he just scrambled around kicking and flailing. i pushed the bastard out of the bath but then was posing a threat to the drug fountain so swiftly threw him out of the bathroom, everything then calmed down so me and the remaining geezer just chatted philosophically and smoked my remaining weed.

Was a great night looking back.

>>732783477
Hmmm when i used to do speedballs id fuck hookers that isnt too gross. One time i had to shit real bad from the coke and no store would let me use their restroom/or had one, so i took a shit next to the dumpster at a seven eleven then wiped my ass with my undies and threw them on their roof.

>>732791203
Are you his fucking spokesman?

>>732783477
nothing that depraved. I usually just chill on weed and sometimes prescriptions kratom or psychedelics

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_Q_qwPAVvc

>>732783900

I heard you also did it while wasted.

>>732791099
If men can be women while still having a penis then there's no reason why he can't be a nigger for doing nigger stuff

>>732791311
>if men can be women

read what u just wrote

>>732784643
>kicked a door in only to be greeted with a friend quickly leaving and a crying naked girl
Did he rape her?

>>732789876
>love booze and weed together
I'm sure that booze and weed is the deciding factor, since that's such an uncommon mix.

>>732791441
I know exactly what I wrote nigger

When they transition their ID no longer says male but rather female even though they still have a penis therefore making them legally female.

>>732783477
I got close to fucking a tranny but didnt do it. I was jonzing for dope real bad one day and didnt have a connect in my area. So i went to the hood and started walking around. I asked a bodega owner for dope and the dude threatened to beat the shit out of me so i ran away and saw this trany walking around, literally looked like tracy morgan in a dress, with a five oclock shawdow. Sure enough the tranny was a junkie and directed me to the dope house. Said "she" would let me fuck her for a bundle. Decided against that and just got high.

>>732791311
a man cant be a woman if he as a dick therefore i cannot be a nigger for doing nigger things

>>732791299
Stop eating paint chips

Besides numerous drunk fights and typical hell raising, I lit a truck on fire at a party

Got body paranoia and went to the hospital and told em I think i have cancer. They laughed at me and send me away.
I cried for a few hours that day before I fell asleep

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>>732791668
its on faggot

Raped my house mate.

>>732791750
They legally can therefore you can legally be a nigger withouy being a nigger, comprende nigger?

sucked off my step dad, and then begged him to fuck my ass.

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>>732792020
Degenerate

>>732783477
Fucked a black street hooker that turned out to be a dude, but i was so wasted i didn't gave a shit. I was on vacation and the trap managed to steal my wallet and my gold necklace

>>732791878
you can't legally declare somebody a nigger you retarded nigger

>>732790667

Doug, what you did is rape. you RAPED Patti.


Honk, honk!

>>732787639
LSD, mushrooms, alcohol, pot and a music festival.

Not much to say. Still engaged because both of us are afraid of living alone for the rest of our lives.

>>732790880
Go ahead tell us the most fucked up one

>>732792190
I just did. What are you gonna do about it niggerboy?

>>732787639
>>732792239
It's been like two years since then.

At friends party. We all get wasted. Go in hot tub. After we get oit other friends gf passed out. Another friend and I took the blanket off cause we knew she didnt have panties on. She was a 6/10. She slept the whole night with her vag out.

>>732792258
gonna eat first i shall return with fucked up stories

Ran the train w 2 other dudes on a 7/10 grill sober at a theatre party on highschool.

I got drunk at a hotel and punched a guy then couldnt find my pants from swimmimg nude and skateboarded home 2 miles with a dish rag falling off in traffic everytime I fell over
fucked a 16 year old smoking crack in a trap house
Robbed a dealer drunk as fuck for selling my 100 bucks of fake acid ended up gettin 5 grand in cash 500 xtc pills quarter pound of weed a shot gun and a sheet of real acid
Fucked my girlfriend in a walmart changing room and busted on the outfit she didnt want
broke a chair over my asshole stepdads head and broke his thumb putting him out of work for a week
me n my boys blew up a cop car parked in a parking lot and it flipped over and burned the shit out of my fiends brother zach
walked into a sporting goods store and put on a 300 dollar pair of rpollerblades n skated out the emergency exit accross the parking lot then jumped into the trunk of my GF's car for a clean get away
Stole like 4 dif chicks wallets n hihd then under the bathroom sink till I was ready to leave at a new years party

>>732783477
done meth and get driven home by police after fighting with security guards. sweden is a pretty cuck place so nothing happened. i even got to sleep at home

This is continued from steling wallets at new year party
Got naked and danced on my friends moms roof after taking 3 hits of cid and some x and coke then stole a big ass tent at walmart by switching the price tag n had 10 people come out to the woods next to his house n tripped and drank till the son came up and when it did this girl found out that my boy derek cheated on her w this blonde girl so I pissed into his whiskey bottle in front of everyone while him n her were still out hiding in the woods then he came back n got his bottle with an attitude and nobody said shit they ended up finishing the bottle n I told him what i did after. he was very pissed and she started puking
broke in my moms room at 3 am because I ran out of crack then went to the atm and deposited an empty envloope saying there was seven hundred dollar check in it and it let me draw out 300 bucks for more crack
rode my motorcylce to my old job at a gas station with a ski mask threw a brick through the glass door ran to the back office where they kept 300 bucks cash in a file cabenit for the next days register stole the morey and filled my backpack up with cartons of cigarettes
Most of all this shit happened while I was drunk btw
Ive got many more stories but im drunk n tired of typing. I should maka masked youtube vlog about all this shit lol would prolly get a million views

>>732792731
> Smoking crack
> Walmart
> Stepdad
> "me n my boys"
you sound like a nigger to me

>>732783477
performed a full meatotomy.

>>732792932
No one wants to hear your fake nigger shit

>>732785687
Do elaborate. How did you find these girls?

>>732783477
jacked off smelling sisters friends doc martins/dirty socks.

was high off marijuana/4-5 beers.

>>732786769
Only thing you should feel bad about is that disgusting ass.

>>732784928
>>732785310
>>732786137
>>732786450
>>732786879
sup tyler

>>732793459
are you the "lollipop sucker"?

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>>732789876
Nigga I smoke and drink constantly and I've never done shit like that.

>>732791508

She was drunk. He fucked her in the ass and she puked all over my sofa while I was fucking her friend in the next room. Casually kicked the door in since nigger forgot where he put the key after locking.

>>732783477 When i was 17 i dropped my second tap of acid, i sucked the same dudes cock 4 times in one trip, 2 of the times another guy was in the room :3 fun times <3 !!!!
>>732783670
you sound fun dude haha

walmart step dad me n my boys Im a 34 year old white male from florida

N i dont care if you believe me or not Im justy glad I can anon share what ive been thru and that I didnt get caught

>>732793370
This girl left her doc martins at my house once and i did that
nice.
i think i was stoned but im always stoned so...

>>732783648
isn't that standard?

>>732783918
And here I am admitting it with my IP visible. Kek.

>>732783918
Stop doing that

Although I do listen to rap music and sag my pants so I guess im pretty close to a white nigger lol I did get caught for a lot of shit too like breaking in to cars and stealing bottles from liquor stores and agrevated assult but ive got away with a lot more than Ive got caught. now I dont do crazy shit anymore ive settled down and have a girlfriend for 2 years and a steady job and dont do anything stupid w my guns like hood surfing on the interstate shooting rounds into the air ive chilled out a lot plus i had to have heart surgery at 30 years old from all the coke ive done so yea

>>732794932
Lol, I let off a few rounds one time on a backroad in the country once. Fucking love the sound and ear ringing. Did a drive by on a bunch of trees lmao

>>732793835
Why was she crying, and why did he leave so quickly?

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Summer after senior year of high school a bunch of my friends and I decide to get fucked up on coke and booze. Being close to the Fourth of July we go to a firework stand. At the time I was going through this super cringed phase where I idolized the joker and anarchy. Look at my friends whisper "everything burns" light up a ton of big fireworks in tent and we bolt in the truck. The ride was chaos, just a blur but we apparently mowed down a ton of mailboxes while I was in the bed of the truck howling at the moon. Remember it was on the news for days about how there was this big fire and someone got burned and they were trying to apprehend whoever did it. Since then laid off hard drugs to say the least, never got caught

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> Be me, 17 and way to hyped about weed
> Driving my atv around all day, helping my friend get his weed.
> Don't really think about the fact that if I get stopped on a 50cc ATV with 10g's og weed or hashis on me i'll propably loose my lisence.
> One day we meet this one guy.
> Dude looks like Bob Fucking Marley rose from the dead
> Pay the dude and bounce with the weed
> Get on ATV.
> LET'SFUCKINGSMOKEITNOW.JPG
> Never get pulled over anyways, so why not?
> Smoke a good joint, about 1g
> Dank kush is dank
> High as fuck
> The whole way my buddy tells me that the police is behind us
> Stressed as fuck
> Arrive at parking lot, no police, realise friend trolled me
> From the other fucking road comes the police
> blue lights light up the whole city
> "Hey officer"
> Officer asks where we've been, tell him we met a friend
> Officer asks us where we're going
>Says we're going home to sleep
> "Okay, i'll let you go for now, but if I see you on the road later on topnight I'll have to take you in"

To this day, I still wonder if the cop was retarded and didn't see we were high, or if he was really just a nice guy.
Nothig crazy, but I almost had a heart attack at the moment.

Sweet. i bought a used 380 in daytona and emptied the clip into the woods driving back to gainsville with my girl on the back of my bike and a few shell casing bounced off her helmet lol also shot out a few street lights in cape canaveral drunk at a party

>>732785875

That is so fucking metal it deserves to have a song written about it.

>>732789230
>>732790725
Quality keks

>>732795644
Why would he stop you in the first place if he didn't think you've done something wrong? Fake and shitty story. 0/10.

>>732789206
Fucking lost.

>>732791280
Spokesperson*

>>732783477
i got one

>at motel party, in highschool
>need to shit, really bad
>go to bathroom
>toilet is clogged as fuck, water on ground, full of blue shit
>literally nowhere else i could conceivably poop
>shit behind the motel
>liquid poops
>no toilet paper
>fuckit.tiff
>end up throwing up that night
>get mom to get me home in a cab, have to stop cabbie halfway to open door and puke, boxers still sodden with shit
>wake up next morning feeling like ass
>go to bathroom
>have to literally rip my boxers from my ass, hairs and all, because shit has formed a shit-glue consolidating my ass and boxers
>hurt like fuck
>drink a blue gatorade and im fine

also i used to car hop a lot when i was in high school in the suburbs. it was a shitty thing to do, i know. mostly just stole small change and anything cool/useful that was left in unlocked cars.

one time we found a fire extinguisher in a bigass pickup truck so we took it and wasted it into the street, shit looked like silent hill. literally the entire street was foggy with extinguisher juice.

still can't believe the stupid shit i used to pull when i was younger

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>>732798212
>Drink a blue gatorade and im fine
Quality post

>>732787156
This

>>732783477
Felt some dudes junk while on mdma and 2cb. Never talked to me agan after that, shame bcs he was class at Cs:go

>>732788759
why did you fail?

>>732793022
nah he's not, he sounds like white trash to me.
the kind with sparse blonde facial hair, wears a cap 100% of the time, white wifebeater, dc shoes, always asking to bum smokes, and drinks natty ice.

>>732799155
Sounds white to me too. Trailer trashy.

>>732790335
what if he mean like he's cracking jokes at the expense of the cars?

>>732795644
its not illegal to be high
>>732797451
atv probably wasnt street legal, that and 2 teens ina parking lot at night are probably up to no good

nothing really depraved. when i was 15 used to get high and drunk then piss or shit in buckets and fill up super soakers then went driving around with my buddies shooting shit and piss at people lining up to get in nightclubs or randoms.

I cheated on my then-girlfriend at the start of our relationship. we dated for 4 years, and it's been 4 years since we broke up. never told her.

it was with a fuck buddy i had. i had gone over to her place literally an hour after drinking with my girlfriend and she was hanging out with some friends, we were sitting around, she was sitting there pressing her tits up against me (they were either DD or an E cup, absolutely massive) and i could tell she was doing it on purpose.

fast forward to us banging, we start without a condom, i tell her to go get one and then the guilt hits like a ton of bricks and i just left while she was out of the room. haven't seen her in 8+ years... but she added me on fb last week

>>732783477
Pissed into my mouth and drank it all

>>732783477
Attended a pyschology class while on E
Fun
Stopped my friend who had lost his mind from stabbing us with his massive kitchen knife (we were on lsd)
Told a chick at a frat party "goodnight potatoe" while high on weed and drunk
Held onto my ftiends erect dick the entire way back from the club (it was warm and shit)
Pass out in the bed of the girl I had just cheated on (drunk)
And a lot of other stupid somewhat regrettable things
College is fun-ish

I never do anything high because i'm always worried about the cops and the consequences, I think the most depraved thing i did was drive home in a bad blizzard on lsd and it was so fucking scary almost sliding into a huge snow plow truck.

>>732799868
you better be hitting that titty monster again nigger.

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Wanted to die one night so my best friends assembled a party and it quickly became madness. I remember being in a pool when my friend suddenly dropped on the ground and spasmed, incapable of breathing. I was running in circles in the pool mindlessly laughing at his retarded dance on the floor. But it didn't stop there. He jerked ahold of a grill filled with coal and slammed it down onto the ground, filling the place with black coal and of course, it entered the pool. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe at this point as he kept gasping for air and sprattling about on the ground like an electrocuted ape. I tried to get up from the pool but slipped in the coal and ended up spreading my arms and doing coal-angels (snowangels but with coal for anyone who doesn't understand) until I passed out. Don't know what happened to my friends after that, but I woke up with a ruined house and a lot of coal to clean up. Worth it.

>>732800155
I'll try. But I live in Ontario and she lives in Connecticut now. Fucking sucks.

She did wish me a HBD so I'll probably shoot her a message saying she should visit soon hahaha

>>732800338
ontario, california or canada? get on it dude, if her titties are that delectable, hit it or youll regret it. best of luck broham.

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>be my birthday
>gf is over, we're drinking vodka
>watching a film, im actually enjoying it
>she gets touchy
>I keep watching film
>~6shots worth of vodka deep
>she sucks my cock
>she wants more
>Get this idea to fuck her ass. Never cared about it before but for some reason was really into it at this moment
>Bent her over, rip her panties, penetrate ass
>She starts crying and tells me to stop
>I don't
>finish inside her ass
>Watched the rest of the movie with me while she cried the whole time
>Have never had a harder dick in my life before or after that moment

Feel bad about it now

>>732783648
Trust me, you should stop doing lines off of it. It'll corrode the screen in no time.

>>732800699
Canada. So it's actually pretty fucking close, but I'm not gonna be arsed to train or greyhound to Connecticut just to get laid. I have some tinder fuckbuddy now and she's got an amazing ass. Funnily enough she lives like 1.5 hours away... Can't seem to find them in my area haha

>>732800900
not if you have a glass screen shield.

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>be me, 24, bartender
>end of work, 4am
>get shitfaced, because life has gotten me down
>whip out my dick
>drive around on my motorcycle with my rock hard dick being caressed by a gentle breeze
>cops let me pass a sobriety checkpoint, because it's a hassle to deal with motorcyclists.
>they didn't see the peepee.
>casually drive through a big sobriety checkpoint on the highway with my dick out and enough alcohol in my blood to never drive again
>mfw

>>732800972
i hear that, but i have driven 300 miles to fuck a chick from HS with amazing tities and ass, i missed an oppurtunity last time and regretted it but made up for it. hope it works out man.

Fucked two girls at a party and then went to my gfs place and fucked her all the same night

>>732783477
Butt fucked a guy. It was fine.

>>732799499
don't reply to me any more, you moron

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Fucked this dudes wife while we were both rolling balls in a parking lot. The second time was in her husbands house and I forgot to throw away the condom and left it on their bed lol

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>>732799619
Kill yourself disgusting faggot

>>732799359
Im 6 ft brown hair blue eyes graduated college at UCF in Orlando and live in a 400 thousand dollar home dumbasses. just because ive done a bunch of drugs and stupid shit dont mean youre trailer trash. Ive held the same job for six years as a locksmith and fix computers on the side. your just hatin cuz you dont have the balls to do half the shit ive done ; )

>shat behind a rubbish skip, really disorientated so got a taxi home £50 didnt have any money so made my brother pay never paid him back
>walking while pissing walked into a wall cut my dick open
>almost burnt house down on atleast 6 occasions drunk cooking
>strunk fell asleep on a park bench got mugged by 3 girls while half asleep
>consistently sleep on park benchess when drunk
>threw up in a club repeatedly in the same spot behind a leather couch for aprox 4 months
>pissed and shat in all the draws and cupboards of my friends caravan
>countless casses of of vandalism and theft when drunk but worse was on christmas eve one year removing windmirrors from cars -not my proudest moment.

so many more i cant even remember, i was an asshole in my younger years

tried to get my sister to suck my dick

I still burn with embarrassment even thinking about it

>>732802300
How old was she

Fuck I do drink natty ice tho so ya got my there

>>732799499
What's inside the cars, sport?

>>732802367
I was 17 so she'd be 15

it's one of those things you can't even bring up in conversation to apologise for, there's just no way to start to say "sorry I tried to make you suck my penis last night"

>>732802368
you forgot to reply to the post hahahaha

>>732802224
I'd be embarrassed to be responsible for half that shit

>>732783477
jerked off to boku no pico. well actually i did it again while sober just to be sure.....yup

>>732785875
Bless you anon, I pray this is true

>>732787156
Kek!

>>732783477
i know this is rather tame but it really fucking disappointed me.

Was addicted to addy and ambien. would take ambien at night to get fucked up and fall asleep at like 3-5am then wake up at 8am for work and pop addys all day. rinse and repeat.

Quit cold turkey for 3-4 months. Started to feel great about being sober, planted some plants
including a tomato plant. Took a few ambien because I am a fucking idiot and in a drug daze i ripped up my tomato plant. Never felt so ashamed of myself for falling off the wagon. Been a few months now and haven't touched it since.

>>732802564
was she intoxicated at the time as well?

>>732786207
That's pretty normal, who uses condoms anyway ?

>>732802801
thankfully she was stone cold sober or it could have gone much worse

as it was she just stormed off to her room and slammed the door and we never spoke of it again

>>732802782
dude... why you mess with the plant doe :(

>>732802984
how did it go down? you two on the couch watching a movie getting a little too close or something of the sort?>

>>732803063
no idea. it was in the middle of the night. only thing i remember is digging it up with my hands. my wife told me the next morning that the squirrels must have gotten to it.

>>732803078
fuck no, I just came home from a friend's house really drunk one afternoon

>>732784928
You meet Chris Hanson while you were there?

>>732802984
I saw a dog trying to hump my sister's leg once. Not sure it's relevant to your story but I thought I'd mention it anyways.

>>732788260
What's even remotely weird about that ? You have to justify yourself fingerings a girl at a club because you were high and drunk?

>>732783477
>the most depraved thing you've done while intoxicated

lol, like I'd fucking remember

>>732803321
You are a god. That may be the best shit I've ever heard.

" there's just no way to start to say "sorry I tried to make you suck my penis last night""

kek, you fucking gawd.

>>732803321
absolute madman!

>>732787042
Statutory or Catch and Release?

>>732803969
protip: your sister isn't sexually attracted to you
protip 2: being irreparably drunk does not make you as attractive to women as you might think at the time

>>732804196
dually noted. man holiday dinner must be awkward. small family?

>>732792932
it would be actually amazing if you actuallymade an youtube video about your stories

>>732793697
Nah, that's "Muscle Mouth" he works at my job

>>732786893
>accidentally
Who or what did you think she was?

>>732791638
you should try it, it fucks you up pretty quick

Hey man. What did you say to the girls last night while I was gone? Because they are extremely upset and were scared last night and like ran out of the house. They said they felt threatened by what you were saying. I talked to them when they got home last night and they were so upset that they were crying and afraid to be around me and stuff and I really just don't know what happened...?

>>732783477
pics like this just make me sick. you could have a great couple highs. or just one fucking insane can't do shit but sit here and nod kinda high. it's just like i honestly can't understand what your doing with your life and i fucking LOVE drugs

>>732802224
>live in florida

bro, ur total trailer trash

>>732802300
thats what u get for believing all the retarded shit on /b/

think for ur self faganon

>>732789920
>Midnight
>Walk to liquor store
Where do you live where this can happen (not
around NYC, NJ, Philly) ?

Fucked my friends mom after an evening of doing coke and tequila. Friends decide to go hit some clubs and I decide to go back to their place as I had work in the morning. Hit my last line of coke in the car before going inside, get inside and see my friends mom sitting in the lounge playing her music full blast drinking wine, start walking towards the guest bedroom and she notices me and offers me a glass of wine, I accept as I'm high as a kite, we start talking and a few minutes later she places her hand on my inner thigh and starts moving her hand up and down. A few minutes she's sucking my dick, fuck I love a good dick suck while on coke. She takes off her panties and hops on my dick, a few minutes later we change positions and I start fucking her on the couch, pull my dick out and try to shoot my load on her face, end up shooting a massive load all over her tits and chest. Went to bed and smoked a few bongs. Saw her again about a week later and we both pretended as if nothing happened. I'll fuck her again if I get the chance.

Cut the labia off my gf whilst fucked on mdma using a razor.

She was wasted too and laughed so much until the day after.

Then I dosed her up again and fucked her.

Good times.

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>>732806244
wow anon great story. tell it again, except this time with more bullshit

>>732783477
Destroyed a children's park with friends when we were drunk as fuck after a high school semester exam. Got dragged into the police station and we had to repair it kek.

>>732806244
ive taken alot of mdma with a girl then fucked her and she could feel pain while i was fucking her so i had to go slowly, don't see how your "girl" was able to have her fucking labia cut off and laugh about it. i call bullshit

>>732806552
oh you're so crazy man

Caught a "friend" fingering my passed out little sister at a party. Felt her tits and wanked on her while he carried on.

>>732783477
Cocaine is a shitty drug for niggers and pussies

>>732786141
Tell us more

>>732805322
You're a faggot.

Do real drugs.

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>>732806786
bullshit alert

>>732806786
no you didnt. its one thing to be incestanon, it's another to allow ur younger sibling to be molested by someone else

the chance of u being in late teens, a cuck, and incestuous is a big fat 0

>>732806942
way to ruin dan's birthday bro

>>732805763
or retired

>>732807760
living in florida OR being retired doesnt make u trailer trash

just living in florida does

>>732783477
>be at party
>girl wants to bang my friend but he says shes on her period so no go
>wait for her to pass out
>shes alone
>go to finger her
>remember what friend said
>finger her ass instead
>fap with my finger up her ass

if this ends in 8 you're all gay

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>>732808328

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>>732808328

>>732805763

Can confirm. I live in Florida, and I do live in a trailer

>>732808328
kekd

Slept over on the bus back to my house after drinking half of a bottle of whisky and a lot of cans of beer, woke up 20km away from my town.

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On different occasions I
Jerked off a black dude - nobody came

Got my dick sucked by a tranny - nobody came

Got my dick sucked by a black hooker - didnt came

Same black hooker - didnt came

Another black hooker - I came after she sucked me and jerked me for 30 minutes

Thai tranny sucked me, I sucked it we 69 it sticks its cock in my ass even tho drunk IT HURTS AS A MOTHERFUCKER. More sucking and then I finish after she jerks me at the end.

Sucked my cousin on 2 occasions when he was asleep. And most of the time I touch his cock when he is asleep

Conclusion DONT DRINK

I literally fucked a pig, well not precisely a pig, but it was a 4 legged creature, i really dont remember much, just a strong odor and my penis entering a moist hole.
I think i just fucked a guy named pig or something of that sort

Nothing really bad

Peed on my roommate's clothes

Stole shit in some cars

Drove

Once I ended up at the hospital

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>>732783477
Last line of coke. Dubz chooses what to do with it.

anyway.

Used to use my mums dildos when i had the house to myself. Thoroughly washed before and after, it wasn't a mum fetish.

Anyway, I'm having a party, fucked up on mephedrone, 2CB and alcohol. I'm a lot more perverted when i'm fucked.

Take my sober-enough-to-remember-the-next-day GF to my mums, away from the party, so I can fuck her.

I remember the dildos and decided it would be a good idea to get the biggest from mum's 'secret box', and, rather forcefully, but not quite rapey, attempt to DP my gf. Dildo in ass, me in poon.

Can't remember much after that and I avoided her attempts to bring it up by shutting down the conversation with 'I can't really remember past this point...' before she can ask.

Not together now. Keeps me up at night thinking about what she must have thought.

Life, aye?

>>732809240
>Conclusion DONT DRINK

what those alcohol have to do with being a faggot?

>>732809550
To my mums bedroom*

>>732785275
That thumbnail looks like he is recieving a nigger cock right in the sucker

>>732799561
>Public intox
>Dui
Ur tweekin bub

>>732809550
maaaaaaaaaaaan i want some coke

>>732799561
>>732809798
lawfag here. anon is correct, public intoxication, public nuisance, disorderly conduct are some of the many fun charges that can apply

being high is illegal

>>732809552
No alcohol no gay
No alcohol no nigger

>>732809550
Same Guy.

I had friend die of heroin a few years ago, and another friend held a wake at his house.

I used to have really bad anxiety, which was solved with alcohol up to a point, but too much would make me go a bit psycho whilst genuinely convinced something which obviously isn't/wasn't happening, was.

Anyway I get too fucked, convince myself that someone is trying to kill me, sneak around all weird for hours, then eventually climbed on the roof of the 3 story house.

Next thing i remember is running into the house, completely naked, as an ambulance shows up.

turns out I fell from the roof. Luckily not too damaged but my friends called the ambulance. I'm completely incoherent, Hear the sirens, freaked out, got naked and ran.

I wouldn't leave the house with the paramedics, and threatened them with violence, unless the pretended to take a 'fake me' out to see if someone kills me first.

Also keeps me up at night.

>>732809906
Right on i knew id get some backup

>>732802224 (You)
Till I break in yur house n beat yur ass just to catch up on shit ive been missin ; )

Fisted my bf multiple times on valentines day while we were fucked up on ketamine and molly

>>732792932 (You)
send me yur email ill do it n send u a link

Took my gfs 15 yr old sisters virginity

>>732810467
>>732810632

anon responding to his own post and threatens himself to sound cool

>>732783477
>be last summer
>get so fucking high I barely know what I'm doing
>analplay time
>have an idea
>get my DSLR camera
>point it at my bed and start recording in 1080p
>get naked, touch myself very sensually for the camera
>dirtytalking
>slutty moaning
>start toying my ass
>on all fours
>suddenly change the movement of my hand
>the head of the toy hits my prostate perfectly
>moans turned into screams of pleasure
>increase the speed
>intense anal orgasm that makes me twitch like a possessed whore
>fall asleep because of the orgasm and the weed
>camera stops recording after 10min and turns off automatically

>wake up the next morning
>still naked, lube and cum everywhere on me and the bed
>put the SD card in my computer
>play the video file
>watch myself squirming in pleasure and moaning like a slut
>kinda re-discover the things I've done last night
>this shit is getting me hard
>start masturbating
>spurt a huge load on my chest while looking at the expression of slutty pleasure on my own face

>>732786879
Fuck it, I'm interested

I jerked off into a Book of Mormon in a hotel bathroom with my friend's girlfriend and her girlfriend making out with each other in there with me. Just as a "fuck you" to mormons.

>>732787275
is that my uncle?

>>732783477
check em

>>732783477
I showed up naked to a fire in my friends back yard while tweaking out on some Methylone or Methedrone (after being hooked on it for a good while) because my buddy jokingly told me to. Ended up dropping my phone in my beer by accident since I had no pockets.

>>732810989
exmormon here

thank you, do everything you can to burn the church to the ground

Got high for three consecutive days and acted like an asshole. Ended up dropping my whole social life by being a dick.

Lol nigga fuk you I said Ill be glad to post a youtube vids of my stories and to the other guy Ill be happy to break in his house and fuck his daughters in front of him but keep trollin u good ima just bounce n yall can keep hearing weak ass stories about people that kissed their first trap

>>732811310
Ahahaha this is so nice
When I'm high I feel like I can't have anything interesting to talk with my girlfriend but luckily I still love her

>>732791080
The last time I checked the Irish aren't that much better....

>>732811567
uh irish are white

>>732783477
Wasn't really intoxicated, but I went to a bar, fucked some random chick. The following afternoon my wife wanted dick so I fucked her. Late that evening I went to side chicks house and fucked her. All 3 in less than 24 hours, all 3 got barebacked, and I never pulled out.

>>732791195
kek now i wanna do this

i also wish i had a daughter to bathe

File: ea8ac9a3b4ec4105a4c588a1ce35a5e5428f9f423e8245307e2a0964654acb50_1.jpg (36KB, 500x647px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 500x647px

>>732811737
>i also wish i had a daughter to bathe

wut

>>732811737
nice one

>>732811567
if this irish aren't that much better why does almost every amerifag go around say they're irish

>>732810777
These are responding to me, and I don't know what the fuck that's about.
lucky trips BTW.