Advice your Mom gave you about girls

I don't think my mother ever gave me actual advice once.

None. Had to wing it like a man.

>>732765362
always buy your own condoms, girls will try to trap you.

>>732765362
dont ever trust a 20 - 40 y/o woman, they can fuck you up

>>732765362
My mom only told me don't bring home a kid for her to raise, so I didn't.

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>>732765362
i´ll start

>be me 13
>i was feeling lonely
>my mom noticed and said "dont try to get girls so just ignore girls they´ll run after you"
>now 18 and still virgin kek

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"You better get used to the taste of tuna, Anon"

Guess she knew I'd be a lesbian.

Mfw.

none, but my sister gave me 1 when i turned 21 and started going to bars.

"always look at a girl's ID before you sleep with her. saying "she said she was 18" doesn't hold up in court"

stroke till it falls off

Absolutely None.

>>732765362
The closest thing to advice she gave me was when, for some reason, she explained to me what a clitoris is. I don't remember why she did that, she was not giving me advice on girls or anything like that (she never did that). I was probably 14 at the time.

she never had to say anything

shes a psycho

> Grew up without a father from age of 2.
> Mother takes care of me, living w/ rest of family
> Horrible uncles try to appear as father figure
> Advice received. "treat them with respect."
> All relationshits end, i'm 23 now.
> 14+ Relationships later, No luck with woman
> Women like being treated like shit. But they also like it when you humor them.
>Women are insane
>Case closed

>>732765591
you fell for her trap it's your fault

>>732765362
My mom never gave me girl advice, I wouldn't trust girl advice from a woman anyway. My brother gave me the best advice, treat girls like shit if you want them, they'll spend time with you trying to get you to like them. My dad told me to be careful with girls because they can ruin your life with one simple word: rape. In fact, that's exactly what happened to my brother. He went to court for it, but the girl decided to just get a restraining order instead because she didn't have any evidence.

>Stick your dick in crazy every chance you get, just don't put a ring on it

>>732765362
my mom told me my gf was going to get fat, and she told me another gf would give me ugly kids and she didnt want ugly grandkids.

then she told me to marry another gf that she would make a good wife and mother. I didnt listen to her on this one and married an exciting party girl who I divorced a year later.

>>732766531
i know
:(

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>>732765362
"please get a girlfriend, anon"

>mfw

>>732765362
>"You're so handsome, every girl in the school will be running after you"
I'm 18 and a virgin still waiting for that to happen

>>732765362
Girls are the devil!

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>>732765362
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. Go for my personal point of view and get an ugly girl to marry you.

She didn't.

My dad gave shit advice.
>Make sure you take care of her.

But then they both came from a generation where women listened to their men.

>>732765591
Honestly, she's pretty right
Don't avoid women like the plague, just don't try to get your dick touched. It'll happen if you're interesting and/or funny enough

>implying

I don't remember getting one bit of advice from my mom on anything. dad died when i was 4.

autist mom who was near retarded never taught me anything:(

"THE PENIS GOES INTO THE VAGINA"
and i said "what... what does that mean"
and she said "don't worry about it"
and i kept asking her but she wouldn't tell me.
very confusing day, i was about 8

a moments silence for every bro who has lost friends to the whip

never 4get

I never got anay ::((

>>732765591
You've got a few options, I was/am the same way and I lost it at 19.
1. Go to college. This is what I did. Easiest way to meet chicks that want to bang.
2. Wait until you're 21 and go to bars/clubs. Filled with thirsty bitches.
3. Hooker. Enough said.

wear condoms and be nice

She told me not to develop a reputation for sleeping around because it'll come back to haunt me in the future when I'm 30+ and bump into people again after fucking then leaving.

>>732766531
Works for me mate

>>732767496
dude i never tried bars

>>732766957
Don't rest on your laurels. If you were told life would be easy when you were young, you're probably on this site because you figured you didn't have to work at things because you'd do it all naturally, so now you're here feeling edgy and confused because life didn't hand you everything like you were promised. That's my story, at least. Looks get your foot in the door, but confidence and being interesting in some way are just as important.

Never trust a big booty and a smile

>>732765362
They have lice.

Never trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die.

>>732765362
>It's ok if you don't have a date anon. You should go to prom anyway.
I stayed home, and now I'm a wizard.

>"What ever happened to her? She was a nice girl."

S-s-orry mom, wasn't feeling it.

>Introduces current girlfriend as "This is the sweet girl" when I come to family events

I'm lucky to have a based mom

>>732767825
thanks for the advice anon

>>732765362
with every girly you sleep you lose a bit of your soul, so be careful

>>732768573
wtf

>>732767244
>never 4 get
>get two 4's

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My mom didn't give me any advice as she'd known I've been fucking bitches sinces I was 9

all the pretty girls in high school grow up to be ugly and al the ugly girls grow up to be pretty.

i dont know about ALL but she was right about some i went to school with.

My mom pretty much told me none of these hoes are worth a dime.

She was fuckin right.

>>732765614
Tits or GTFO

>>732765362
>anon, if the balls touch, one of you has to declare "no homo". I don't need my son becoming a faggot.

Thanks mom.

>>732765362
she said dont gay

>>732768672
Its true though. Having sex is to share your soul.

>>732765362
Don't leave witnesses.

The one piece of advice my mother ever gave me about girls was, "You really shouldn't be having sex with girls who can still get pregnant."

I was 22 and dating a girl who was 19. I mentioned that we were getting serious, and that just came out of her mouth. Awkward silence followed, then we never talked about it again.

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>>732765362
hmm.. never talked about it... so nothing. maybe that's why i am 27 y and have had one relationship this year and it was the biggest disappointment in my entire life.

> Playing with your body is more fun, when someone else does it.
That women clearly never learned to masturbate properly.

>>732770819
Your mother must think highly of you if her first thought is "oh god, he better not breed"

>>732767145
aka if your hot
but then you will also get them if you try.
The only thing you can do if you're not hot is lowering your standards

>>732765362
"Be patient we really don't know what we want most of the time"

She was pretty smashed when she said it.

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>>732767825
damn, actual advice on /b/.

>>732765362
"Maybe you don't know how to love"

>>732765362
never ever received girl's advice from her
the day I told her about my panic attacks she said "it's because you don't go out, you don't even have a girlfriend" was the day I decided to not tell her anything ever again

>>732765362

>"For the love of God, go and find a girl, you incompetent lazy faggot!"

>>732771099
Femanon here. Your Mum's right. 10/10

The closest thing to advice I ever got from my mom was when she was drunk one night. I was walking by and all I heard was "have you had sex yet?"

>silence

"Have you had sex with a girl lately? Dont ignore me I can see your shadow"

>yes actually

"Thank god, you better not turn out to be a faggot like *girl down streets* kid. If you ever start liking cock pack your shit and dont ever come home again"

Never mentioned sex again, but mentioned a few times how happy she was I didnt turn out gay like her friends kid did

>>732767038
9 times out of 10 they are better at sex and have slamming bodies too.

>>732766278
Thats pretty acurate

All American girls want is an alimony check.

>>732771414

Your mom is a fucking cunt, putting how much she cares about you on whether you're one way or the other.

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>be funny
>be charismatic
>talk about interesting things

t-thanks mom...

she even ignores the fact that I am autistic

>>732765362
This is the advice she gave me
https://youtu.be/UIXgcVPu2Qc

>>732771623
Love isnt unconditional. I sure as fuck wouldnt love my son if he was gay. Thats the day he either leaves my house or becomes a ward of the state

>>732765362
>girls will come and go family is forever
>keep your friends and your girlfriend on the same level
>never believe that a girl is on the pill without evidence
>buy condoms, don't go without a raincoat.

>>732765362
I never got any advice from her. When I was 16 she tought I didnt know what condoms are.

>>732765362

> First thing my mom ever told me about girls/ dating. Told me not to ever bring home a black girl. (next are girls that i brought home to meet her. obviously does not include flings, and short stuff)
> Then i started dating this jewish girl.
> On first real date when i go out she yells to me as I go out the door "wear a condom"
> Tells me she's like if the next one wasn't jewish
> Date an asian girl in college
> She tells me she likes her, but wants her grand kids to be white.
> date a white catholic girl. she says she doesn't like her. (must have been a vibe cause she was a legit class A slut bitch. Fuck for fucking but not relationships stuff
> She tells me after I break up with her that she wants a blond girl next time.
> start dating blonde girl. she finally likes her
> Now I'm married to her and we have a very white child... best advice honestly.

>>732771856
>girls will come and go family is forever

Thats the biggest load of shit ever. My dad took off when I was a baby. My mom dropped me off at my grandmas when I was 10 to go shopping...and never came back. Grandma died when I was 16 so I lived with my aunt for a few months before I ran away to live with an older friend.

Aunt never even called the cops when I ran away. My family was happy af that I was gone

My mom told me babies come out of a third hole in between the butthole and vagina, when I was 11.

Believed it until I lost my virginity at 13, when I told my girlfriend I didn't want to accidently stick it in her "baby hole"

Thanks mom.

>grew up without a dad, just my mom and my brother
>mom is pretty much a badass, can cook anything, fix anything, make anything...
>be a 23yr old retard in holding a hamer, fishing etc... because no one ever taught me

>>732765362
She thought I was gay all my life.

I fuck women to spite her. Asian women. It truly pisses her off cause she says I need to bring home "a nice Greek girl" cause she was purebred grandchildren

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>girlfriends like it when you touch their hair and stuff.. girlfriends like to get touched randomly
>never forget yourself, your happiness is based on yourself, girlfriends just augment that happiness
>girls eventually become their mothers or motherfigures, boys their dad og fatherfigures, or the polar opposite (thank god for this in many cases)
>decide things, mean things
>silence is okay, girls shit themselves if your back is straight and you look at them with a unwavering gaze
>if (and when) she yells at you, imagine your cock in that pretty mouth - if you're not amused by this, stand your ground, if it makes you happy - let it go, smooth it out, fuck that mouth later (thanks dad)

>>732765362
Why would you listen to a woman's advice about women? That is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard

The only thing my mom ever said to me was that I go out and smash too much, she can smell it on me in the kitchen

>>732772206
fuck, man
that's some heavy shit.

but how is it possible your grandma never caught your mother? like, she simply agreed to spend her time and cash on you just like that?

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>>732771518
i've been told this too. also they are easier because chad isn't flirting with her every 5 minutes.

>>732767586
haha your'e mom's a slut

>>732772699
My mom used to tell me that she could smell it on me when I got high or drunk.

Never once got high or drunk til I was 23 just to keep the rage building that this fucking cunt never trusted me

>>732772616
>if (and when) she yells at you, imagine your cock in that pretty mouth - if you're not amused by this, stand your ground, if it makes you happy - let it go, smooth it out, fuck that mouth later"
That is legit good advice

>>732772135
you are literally a tool

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>>732765362
No advice
19, never had a gf

>>732772866
>like, she simply agreed to spend her time and cash on you just like that?

My mom was a closet junkie that would disappear for a few hours/a day or 2. My grandma was just watching me for a few hours while my mom went "shopping" but in reality she was going to get high most likely.

My mom never called or came back. To the day my grandma died we never knew where my mom was. I found her a few years ago during a "I actually care now" phase. She is in prison in California for drug trafficking. Never tried contacting her after I found out and the whole "family is important" phase went away.

I ran into my aunt not too long ago at the grocery store. Her exact words were "wow you look...different (I am heavily tattooed) Id love to catch up but I am really late. Good seeing you"... and then she walked out the door

>>732773291
at least he's a tool that works, anon.

>>732766278
Fukin this

My mom was bipolar and other sorts of crazy.

Told me to never judge someone based on skin color. Next week she went on a tirade because of black history month. Used the word nigger like a 4 channer being deprived tendies.

Told me to follow my heart and love whatever girl makes me happy, then when I introduced my girlfriend, she said I was a "disgusting misogynistic bastard" for wanting a "subservient oriental"

What she truly taught me is that if you get crazy pregnant, take the 45 caliber aspirin like dear old da

>>732773353
maybe learn to read you ignorant fuck

Girls are crazy as fuck. Its the hormons

>>732773432
that's some family to have indeed.

But still, I don't get your grandma. I mean, I imagine that if somebody just left me a kid to care about like some damn cuckoo, I'd do something to get rid of it. Didn't sheinform the cops or something?

>>732773666
Whoa, you admitting to something there, Satan?

>>732765362
Mom:
> leave that girl alone

and that's how I got herpes type 1

If she'll cheat WITH you, she'll cheat ON you

Women lie about birth control. Cum in her mouth or ass.

>>732772221
Hahahahaha troll mom.
Almost as funny as girls who think guys have yaoi holes XD

>>732773854
>implying that dont

>>732768573
so what if i sleep with men?

>>732773978
That's how highlanders are born

>>732773906
I dont understand engrish.......... *that dont*

>>732771518
underage b&

>>732767038
too many kids to get this one.

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>>732765362
The only advice I ever got from my parents was when my dad was drunk in the kitchen and he told me if I ever got a bitch pregnant I better take care of the baby.

>>732765362
"Just feel free to be yourself, anon"

"We're all a little afraid of dating, so if you just put yourself out there you'll find a girl eventually."

My mother literally wanted me to be a virgin on my wedding night.

When she found out that I wasn't a virgin anymore, she didn't speak to me for months.

>>732765362
She didn't.

>>732765362
lower the bar,
you'll never be upset

>>732774047
I'm sorry, but I dont clarify statements for pedantic faggots.

Also, engrish? Using ** as quotes?
You need to take your ass back to >>732768195

If dubs ill get the >>732777777

>>732774120
Fam to be fair, virgin to virgin marriages are the highest fidelity marriages. She could be worried about a bitch taking your money.

>>732774107
>implying you would know for sure if you are the father instead of the bitch trying to entrap you with some bad boy's bastard.

Why are all dads so fucking retarded when it comes to basic female nature?

I am 27 years old and have been alone my entire life. Literally speaking never done anything with anyone. Until about 8 months ago.

My mom had told me for the longest time to just be myself and eventually I will meet someone worthwhile and for the longest time i was an angry, bitter virgin with no friends who spent my days and nights on here or on pol or r9k.

I met a blonde girl on the train coming home from NYC where I work. She is foreign born, swedish actually, and is genuinely one of the hottest girls I have ever met or even seen. I am NOT posting pictures because fuck you guys and i've been here too many years to trust anyone here, but she is 5'7 with DD tits and a tiny little waist. She looks like Elsa from frozen actually, lol.

The point is I remained true to my dorkiest most retarded fuckng self and she loved it. We've been dating all these months and I've never been happier in my life.

Admittedly I am a 9/10 guy and just have bad social anxiety sometimes, but the point is that being yourself does actually work sometimes.

"Wrap it up before she back it up"

My mom's a fucking beast.

>>732765362
Do not fuck with your dad never, look the results (pointing at me)

>>732767496
It's funny that you sound proud to be a loser

>>732773704
I think she did as a missing person. My grandma never came out and said it, but later when I got older, she hinted pretty strongly she thought my mom was dead. Even though everyone knew, no one ever actually talked about my mom being a junkie. I kind of grew up assuming she died of an overdose. I was well into my 20's when I started looking for her and was half shocked shocked she was still alive. The other half of me kind of wishes I never looked. Finding out she was still alive AND was arrested 2000 miles away almost a decade after she dropped me off meant she not only lived her life for years without caring about me, but also continued her long slow decent into her personal hell.

>>732774420
that's the placebo effect actually.

statistics did it for you, not that advice

>>732768573
A crazy transient told me this once. I guess the really crazy part is that I think he was right...

>>732765362
They are all whores. Get money first then you can have what ever and as many women you want. Why? Because one way or another they are all whores.

>>732774420
I don't believe you, and you should feel bad about lying.

Go shoot up a school, robot

>>732765362
My mom has never given me advice about girls other than "don't hit her just because you're angry, it's a real bad move"

>>732774420
>Admittedly I am a 9/10 guy and just have bad social anxiety sometimes, but the point is that being yourself does actually work sometimes.

X---------DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

>>732774120

there is nothing wrong with you being a virgin on your wedding night as long as your bride is also a virgin.

(But good luck finding a virgin bride after prom night.)

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>>732772135
>pic related

My mother told me to be nice to girls in bed and to care about how she is feeling while having sex. Also to always do it with condoms and that pulling back is dangerous, im an example of it.

ok... so this is what my mom told me as I made 15, and sometimes I question life and why the fuck she told me this.
"All women are ungrateful little bitches. You will fall in love for one eventually, as all stupid little shits with a dick like you do, and she will use and abuse you until it becomes boring or she finds someone better to exploit, if she's lucky, she'll find a man to put her in her place, thing that a little faggot like you will never do.
I once tough about raising you right, to teach you to be the kind of man women really look for, but I decided against it as married your father just for his cash, and, since I will spend most of it before you can inherit anything, just fuck you, I raised you to be the idiot you are, believing someone will love you for your personality and kindness, that a woman will love you for feeling secure, comfortable and respected, kid... you're already having the worst teenage years I've seen someone have, can't wait to see the failure you will turn out to be around your late 20's.
You'll expend the rest of your miserable life trying to figure out why nobody loves you, and the reason is pretty simple, you're a useless piece of shit with no backbone, no self-esteem, no power or desire for power that really drives a woman crazy.
You're shit, just like your father was, and I will always make my damn best to keep remembering you of that until a smart bitch like me comes around and turn you into her door match"

I... i wish i was strong enough to bring myself to kill that bitch after what she told me

>>732774420
>expecting me to believe this story.

Really?

Hit her up on Kik, Leslybushxmx. You won't regret it.

>>732766695
reminds me of an old band my friend used to play in "lying bitch and the restraining orders"

>>732774930
To this day I think that the part of being nice to girls in bed is not always good and ive never fucked without a condom yet(19yearsold)

>>732774533
The sad truth is that many junkies would be better off dead.

>>732774879
Quite easy when you live anywhere except the usa.

Not a dig against the usa, cause I love loose women

>dad has been kill since I was 5
>mom is a useless count

Everything I know about women I found out by trial and error. If you can make a girl laugh you can smash. If you see a cutie in a group you want to hit on, don't. Watch the group and figure out which one she talks to the most and give that girl all the attention.

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>you are a handsome man anon, girls will love you!
I know im not handsome but i just hope she really meant it when she told me.

>>732775110
Pull out method works if you aren't a fucking double digit IQ pleb.

Also, creaming a girl on a safe day is fucking awesome

>>732774962
hmm, she would fit here on 4chan just perfectly

My dad told me to steer clear of the redheads.

>>732772221
Underrated post

>>732774962

It's not too late, anon. You can still gas her and make the world a better place.

>>732772135
you're a massive faggot, dude. you let your mommy tell you who to fuck?
the black, asian, and jewish women i've been with were all top notch at sexing.
out of curiosity, does your mother demand that you think of her at least 50% of the time you're plowing the wife she chose for you? does she still breastfeed you

My mom cucked me. For reference, i rent an apartment that is about two blocks away from my mom's house. Mom is divorced. I came home to grab my phone charger at lunch one work day and heard what sounded like my girlfriend masturbating. I quietly opened the door and my mom was eating that pussy like an ethopian child at his first buffet.

Girlfriend broke up with me and told me she realized she was a lesbian. Moved in with my mom. Calls her sugar momma. I've been single since.

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>>732775247
He was right you know

>>732775234
This.

My wife and I are delaying children for the time being and we've used the pull out/safe day method for years now with no scares at all.

>>732774879
Its not hard at all if you are religious.

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>>732765362
>Advice your Mom gave you about girls


>2nd grade get first gf
>tell joyous news to mom
Dont trust girls they're way meaner than boys and way better at hiding it.

Fast forward a bit.
> Keep hearing about rape on the news.
> Grab dictionary
> Mom asks what I'm looking up
> Get the sex talk
> ask if girls can rape.

Can sure, but less likely. No girls are more likely to trap you with a baby. Always use condoms.

>>732775454
jesus fuck.
you should wait till she falls asleep then smother her with a pillow or just cave her head in with a framing hammer or a rock or something.
your mom is jerry springer-tier and only good things can come from her death.

>>732765560
if her age is on the clock she's ready for the cock?

>>732775454
Kek, moms cucking sons.

>>732775027
yeah. really. Honestly why does every anon believe everything is a lie on here? What am i gaining by making shit up?

>>732774962
is she still alive?
killing her would be hilarious.
if she's dead, go defile her tombstone and defecate on her grave periodically.

>>732775454
dude, start a thread, greentext your story.
I guarantee you'll get capped and will be thus remembered by the history of mankind

>>732765362
Don't ask a woman if she's pregnant, how old she is, or her weight.

>>732775543
I was religious, but my mom pulled a tard move and had us all go to the local white trash church when I was growing up. The majority of the girls had daddy issues and fucked bad boys exclusively.

They advertised the church as being for people "who don't fit into church." And it showed: everyone there was leading shitty, pseudochristian lives.

>>732775801
I would rather not. I really loved that girl and was thinking of proposing soon and I have hardly spoken to my mother since. It was actually a very painful thing in my life and I try not to discuss or dwell on it.

The subject of the thread made me bitter and I spilled my guts for a second.

Mother told me, yes, she told me I'd meet girls like you. She also told me "stay away, you never know what you'll catch"

>>732765362

"let me show you what girls are going to do to you when you're older"

this carried on from when i was six until i left for college

>>732775932
but... the history...

well, whatever. Can you tell me though, how old were they?

>>732776030
if you want me to believe that, better start greentexting

>>732775705

Online message forums are a breeding ground for pessimism. We will instinctively believe the most horrific, grotesque stories instantly, but the instant someone tells a story of nice, happy evens it crashes our servers.

Does not compute, Does not compute: the world must always be shitty. There is no way anything nice ever happens.

>>732775932
that must have been a total headfuck mate, i hope youve moved far away

>>732776147
who told you we believe those bad stories?

>>732765410
>>732765427
Same, she and dad made it clear they don't want me having a relationship while i'm still learning.
>In uni now, still can't pursue love

"She better have a nice figure."
Mom was lesbian, she fucked two of my gfs

"Don't marry white women. They are whores who will cheat on you."

>>732776053
Mom was born in 69 so I guess that makes her 47 or 48 now. Ex girlfriend is 23.

>>732776147
No, I also don't believe shittily written bad stories either.

>>732770767
Making love is sharing your soul. Having sex is just fucking fun. Every once in a while you find someone who you can do both with.

As for advice: The best relationships usually start as friendships. I'll pass that on to my son, she's right and it's good advice. Plus I only seek out friendships with women I find attractive, so it works out well for me.

Also, if you have no fat friends and you follow that rule, then you shouldn't end up tethered to a whale..unless that's your thing ;)

>>732766896
asian mom confirmed

>>732776354
she must be damn hot, then

gonna need a source on that pic, op

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>>732767038

>>732766754
This man knows, but wear a condom

I don't remember any advice muy mom gave on women but my uncle had some based advice when I got my first girlfriend. I told him I felt like she was one of us (guys) and like, different from other women and he was like "despite everything you think, she is not like one of the guys. If you think she is she's gonna blindside you with some shit that you're never gonna understand or be prepared for because you thought she was just like one of the guys." I didn't know what He was talking about at the time, so i told him such and he gave me a generous 18 months until we broke up in flames and we certainly did.

>>732765362

My mom was pretty useless as a human being. She just took up space and smoked herself to death as soon as she could. After my dad died she gave up doing anything until the day she died.

What I learned from her was that when this shit hits the fan the first thing out the door is a woman. They are unreliable, judgmental, and do nothing but add to problems.

>>732776524
She was a secretary/office ornament then house wife her entire life, pseudo rich from inheritance. Grandad owned land and oil was discovered on it or something. Objectively speaking she is attractive for her age I suppose.

>>732776243
what the fuck is wrong with you? you don't have to listen to your parents anymore.

>>732776243
asian boi cucked by parents???

>>732772206
They're still your family though. They don't stopping your family ever. It's just a trite thing people say, it's meant more literally than figuratively. Friends however can stop being your friend. Wives can be divorced, so family is the only thing that's forever, whether you get on with them or whether they're there for you or you for them is another matter.

>>732772221
Lmfao. It would be funnier if it turned out your mother had two vaginas and she was technically correct.

>>732765362
always use some type of birth control I don't want to deal with you grandchildren bla bla bla one of you is enough for this world. Got a vasectomy at 23

>>732766097
same but she was an alcoholic, just told me she deidn't want to deal with kids of mine

>>732765362
who is she

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>>732765362
Fuck em all to death

>>732765362
Just a simple thing about birthcontrol about girls, when I met my real dad later when I was 20 he asked why I haven't had any kids yet and shortly learned why my mother wasn't with him. He was a complete dick. He spread his wild oats, his domestic oats, and whatever he could in every field he could.

>>732776933
No. They can still be biologically related to me, but family doesn't equal blood.

>>732765362
If they have a penis they aren't girls

>>732776871
I'm the eldest, we always listen to them eventhough we secretly hate them.

>>732776890
yeah boi
>closest interaction i got with a girl was a high5 and that was back in middle school

>>732765362
Communication between partners is key.

>>732776839
You a fag now anon?

>>732765362
Mom died when I was 9. So any advice I got from her was speculative on my part.

>Sex with your father wasn't enjoyable for me, he was more focused on what he wanted, and Arthur made it about what I wanted.

Fast forward 15ish years and now I make my gf cum multiple times almost every time but have trouble climaxing myself.

Stay away from unstable ones, dont trust them too much, buy your own condoms and fuck as many you can and dont settle down until 25.

>>732765362
Mom never gave me advice.

However, when I was 15, my dad gave me advice on how to deal with a woman.

"Son," he said, "When you take a woman out somewhere, she's going to want to dance and do other stupid shit like that. And all you want to do is mind your business and drink your beer. So what you do is this..."

He stood up and placed his hands in front of his crotch, like he was holding his dick. Then he humped the air a few times, turned 90 degrees, repeated, turned back, repeated. Then he said

"She'll get so mad, son, that she'll tell you to just go back to the fucking bar and then you can finish your beer."

The man is a saint!

"Be careful when you cum in a girls mouth... they can use a turkey baster and get themselves pregnant with it."

"If it bleeds, we can kill it."

>>732769828
underrated

https://youtu.be/zUFsIMjnxz0
This

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>>732771042
>The only thing you can do if you're not hot is lowering your standards

honestly, fat chicks. there's also always a chance you can get them into exercise. then the sex becomes workout sex and she's got muscles, a 9" dick, and is named jamal.

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>>732776505
>The best relationships usually start as friendships. I'll pass that on to my son, she's right and it's good advice. Plus I only seek out friendships with women I find attractive, so it works out well for me.

>that
>good advice
Enjoy your friendzoned son

If she smokes she'll let you poke best advice my mother ever gave me I was like twelve every girl I fucked with in school smoked cigarettes

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>>732775454

Oldfag reporting in. Mom never really gave me much good advice but I have some.
If it's got tits or wheels it's going to give you problems.
If women didn't have a pussy there'd be a bounty on them.

MOTHER TOLD ME , "STAY AWAY, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'LL CATCH"

>>732765362
"I trust you already know about protection and all so I feel I don't need to tell you to be safe, but just know that when it comes to sex women can be a lot more emotionally invested than guys can. If you're going to have sex with a girl make sure you're ready to commit or at least let them know what you both are and don't try to lead them on."

Solid advice and I think it has made me a better person

>>732779242
Jesus this is true

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"Women like dick as much as men like pussy, we just have to pretend we don't because it's not very ladylike."

That's the one that stuck with me the most.

>>732765362
>be teenager
>tell mom about my new black girl friend
>hasn't met her yet
>mom asks why I can't get a prettier gf

>>732765362
None whatsoever

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>get yourself a chubby lady; she knows how to cook

>for God's sake, Jon, at least wait until she starts puberty

"Girls don't always lie about being on the pill but at some point in life ALL girls lie about being on the pill"

>>732779963
Which is why female birth control is an oxymoron: those bitches had better be ready for the real sexual revolution when men finally get equality in the form of a male birth control pill.

do not trust. the older. the worse.

>>732777334
I vehemently disagree

>>732765362
My mother said that women are like dogs. Be stern with them, but give them little rewards. Little tokens so they know they are doing okay.

Train them like a dog.

My mom's awesome

>"If they want to have unprotected sex, they probably want to have a baby with you. Never go unprotected with someone you don't plan to commit to."

Solid advice. Only time I've gone in unprotected the girl got pregnant and wanted nothing to do from me aside from childsupport. Lucky for me she got in a car accident and the baby died.

>YOUNG AND WILD. (TEEN GALLERIES)


http://young-and-wild.still-virgin.net

"Don`t girls out here are all worthless"

Mums super old school catholic and we basically live in ground zero for sjws

Women are like dog turds. The older they are the easier they are to pick up.

>>732781409
if there is a higher power, you need to thank it

>>732765362
>>732765362
Fuck them in the ass so they don't get pregnant.

>>732765362
My parents never gave any sort of advice whatsoever; I actually never had a girlfriend until I was 17 and kept it secret from my parents because they're nosy fucks

>>732765362
if she says she genuinely likes anal
shes a liar

>>732782511
I said that "whoever did this give me a sign and I thank you". So far nothing but I did get a buddha statue by some dude the day after.

>>732777883
Your father is an excellent man.

>>732770819
Yur mom wants you to pedo

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>>732771259

>>732765591
Kek that's only if you're good looking. Happens to me but I'm too autistic to do anything

>>732782773
what about the cum runoff, chicks get preggo that way

>>732771414

now son your mom sounds like a REAL woman, you should have hit that

>>732772616
all of that is some grade A advice

>>732782930
Thats not always true

>>732765362
A wife has to be a cook in the kitchen, a whore in bed and a maid to your kids.

Also said that they are all sluts including her own mother.

>>732773826
>Women lie about birth control. Cum in her mouth or ass.
Your mom said this?

Cool as fuck mom.

>>732765362
www youtube.com/watch?v=Jbk8BSJ1nBg
wreckless eric - whole wide world
thats the best advice

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>>732775454
Ive heard this story in real life and Im afraid to say the dudes name just in case.

>>732765362
"just be gay anon, it will be easier that way"

"w-wut the fuck?"

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>>732783243

>>732775160
>except the usa

Huh, here I was thinking that all european chicks were sluttier than USA chicks

>>732766957
Me Everytime I go to a family gathering

>>732784027
who is this? total babe!

>>732775031
eho, your mom?

Your mom is on kik?

what a whore

"girls are gross and unstable, avoid them. you're to stupid for kids"

"t-thanks?"

>>732784208
Depends on where in Europe and where in the USA you live I guess

>>732776030
so she taught you how girls will manipulate you, or she taught you how girls will suck your dick?

>>732765362
My mom ALWAYS tried to give me sexual advice. It was really annoying, she wouldn't drop it until I went to college.

>>732776796
what was he talking about?

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"Find a nice girl"

Well mom. Nice girls are like 15% of the population and are snatched up pretty quick. The rest just want Chad to pee in their butt. Even the ugly ones.

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I didn't raise a bitch, if she hits you, hit back
>mrw she said this

>>732783851
switch whore and slut around in that, and i agree

>>732765362
Keep it white "basically".

I was fucking a cute timber nigger (woo woo indian) in high school and my mom was so dissapointed with me.

She even told me to look at her mom and realize how quick they hit the wall and become a fat wrinkly mess.

Fast forward 8 years, she's fat as a cow and hideous when I saw her at a store.

Mom is always right.

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>>732777883
That's a nice test to see if the woman's worth it

>>732781409
When nothing works

>>732765362
>Anon, a girl your own age will be
>much tighter than I am.

As I grew up I learned that my mom is a manipulative, twisted and cheating slut. I'm not sure I want any advice from her.. the only thing she ever told me is "make sure you find someone who loves you".

She told me I'd meet girls like you. She also told me, stay away you'll never know what you'll catch.

She actually told me to stay single. Never spend money on them. Root them and boot them actually. Pretty good advice.

>>732784700
Basically that every girl, no matter how much you think they're different from other women, will always play games. If you think of your girl as no different than any of the guys you hang out with, you're going to be blindsided

>>732765362

"now, son. Women are like trolleys. Don't worry about it if you miss one. Another one is already en route.

>>732766015
She wanted you to eat her out Anon, smh.

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Use that condom honey. Not that hole!!!

>>732768380
This is me in about 2 weeks.

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>mom said It's okay if you're gay i'll still love you
>dad says quit being a faggot
>dated 4 girls married had kids never was a faggot but parents always told me i was.

>>732786534
>>732786534
Hallways are always fun to yell in

>>732771812
i hope that when you're on your deathbed, your son doesn't even return a phone call.

>>732765410
>>732776243
Haha same
While I was in school, she told me no relationships, focus on your schoolwork
Before I went of to college, she told me don't get tricked into having sex with anyone because they're just trying to frame you for rape
And in college it's the same as before, no relationships just focus on your schoolwork

>>732765362
Stay safe, use protection.

Also stop fucking my sister

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>>732788170
mom told me another time
>if you ever kill or rape anyone i'll hunt you down and kill you my self i brought you in and can take you out
>but you can kill criminals
Not sure why she felt the need to tell me that.

>>732774420
All's nice and well, but still, comparing your girl to Elsa is as autistic as you can get.

>>732773291
>>732774922
>>732775440
The nigger, the jew, and the chink detected.

>>732772616
Based advice

>>732783002
well rub it's belly and thank him haha

Wear a condom even if she says she on birth control because these hoes be lying.

>>732775932
Dude why are you talking to her AT ALL?!

>>732776251
Wtf hope you don't talk to her anymore

>>732765362
"When are you going to find a girlfriend?"

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>>732775705

>mother told me I'd meet girls like you
>she also told me stay away, you never know what you'll catch
>just the other day I heard of a soldier's falling off
>some Indonesian junk that's going around

Tfw when you're Robin Sander

>>732791267
the fuck english

>>732774930
>pulling back is dangerous, im an example of it.
kek

>>732788149
me too thanks

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>>732780216
>when men finally get equality

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>"Get a job, wear a condom."
That's it, that is all she had.

>>732788466
why'd i want a call from some faggot then?

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> Lying bitch and the restraining orders

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My MA told me that a woman's pussy juice is like battery acid on the penis

"Be nice girls will like u"
"Dint chase em theyll chase u"
"Get fat women love fat" - was 8

Now im fucking fst and im on a fucking 500 calory a day diet you think I fucking like this shit? Fuck both my fucking parents those fucking cunts made me look like a fuckin pig every fucking time I get a fucking advice from them I say fuck and fucking forget that fucking lil bitch ass fucking fuckrd up shit fuck those fucking cunts man fuck

>>732770674
I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body

dont get married

>>732767019
"We're Muslim and we don't do thet"
And I turned out to be a bisexual deviant

>>732765639
Sounds like they speak from experience.

>>732765362
the one time i remmember was when i was 16 and i went to a pool party out of town, her advice was
"be gentle"
i wasn´t planning on having sex that day, after that i couldn´t think of anything else

>>732796064
best protection against shitty girlfriends are females related to you

Really none. But she did say marry a Catholic girl.

They'll all love me

>>732765362
Mom told me do not trust anyone