ITT: Useless and pointless super powers >The ability to slowly

the ability to summon a lamp once

The ability to shit post on b but only if mods don't ban me.

>ability to turn invisible when nobody is watching

>>732101261

You could sneak past security cameras.

The ability to read minds of people that speak a language you don't know

>>732100904
holy shit... are you the all powerful and majestic ocean?

>>732101328
Nope, somebody's watching

>>732101328
What happens when someone's watching the footage? Live? Recorded?

>>732101261

Not useless. Time to break into a bank and walk right past the security cameras.

>>732100904
Super strength but only in the glutes/ass

>>732101448
you could squat buildings and shit though

>>732101336
Easy, learn to recite it back, have someone translate

Breathe underwater unless wet.

The ability to conjure up as many pogs as you want

Ability to feel sadness.

The power to hover 1 inch above ground

ability to become illiterate

Have the knowledge to make any future tech within 10 years.

But no way of communicating it or making it.

Like the idea is "on the tip of your tongue."

The ability to freeze time but you are also frozen (including your conscience like everyone else)

>>732101762
Does it count for water/lava

>>732102313
>Ground
>Water/lava

>>732101596
Is an oil coating "wet"

The ability to transform your penis into a comb.

>The ability to speak in tongues

The ability to begin installation of windows 10 OS upon touching any device.

>>732101261
>someone looks away
>turn invisible
>he can't watch me again cause I'm invisible

>>732100904
the ability to fly 3 inches above the soil
>only the soil.
>no roads

>>732103093
Oh shit

If you're a girl: Able to suck dick better than anybody else, but only on traps.

If you're a guy: Have the best feeling penis, but only to other males.

If you're gay: same as above but only to females.

>>732100904
the ability to blow something up every time I finish ejaculating

>>732100904
The ability to talk to trees, fish, and all the creatures of land and sea.

They can't talk back or even understand what you're saying, though.

>>732101448
Anti rape power, not useless

>>732101520
>tries to squat 2 tons
>breaks lower back cuz no back support

>>732101608
I could engineer up some way to generate electricity from that. Unlimited conjuring things is never useless.

You can fly but for about half a second, making it just jumping a bit higher

>>732101596
soooo not breathing underwater kek

>>732103342
You have that super power right now Anon

>>732101608
whats a pog?

>>732101861
keked hard

The ability to unlock your potential

>>732103060

>virus ravages pc
>don't care lol touch the pc
>reinstall OS of choice after everything has been killed
>instant tech support

>>732103372
deadlift yes, but squat no. 2 tons no problems

Ability to calm jittery squirrels

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Ability to instantly prolapse your own anus

Ability to breathe soup

Magnetic colon

>>732103257
What if I'm bi and into traps too?

>>732103706
sounds completely useful.. during lunch

>>732100904
The ability to sell produce masterful pieces of art or wonderful feats of engineering but only under the employ of the Chinese government.

>>732101861
good when you need to pretend to be retarded

Really bendy thumb

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>>732103763
Out of here with that bullshit

>>732103794
sounds american as fuck there man

>>732103632
your spine would break because the muscles in your back would not be able to support the weight... you do know when you squat shits all the way on top of your shoulders right?
Plus other muscles are involved
>calves, hams, quads

The ability to make feminazis lose weight through exercise

>>732103422
How about a pog burning factory in orbit?

>>732101878
>know somebody else gonna invent it
>invest before it takes off
>????????
>prophet

>>732103306
The possibilities are endless

Lightning-fast mood swings

>>732103655
>Ability to calm jittery squirrels
THIS

>>732103904
But you don't know how to describe what you're thinking. How can you invest in what you can't communicate?

Becoming Jewish for 20 minutes, but you look like Shawn King

The ability to be disabled

>>732103863
ya ask google

Ability to communicate with corn

>>732103969
doesn't matter faggot
future tech implies somebody made it
one just looks out for whrn it's taking off and then invest
no need to commumicate

>>732103871
wow man... taking shit way too seriously. also of course it's all the way to the top of the shoulders, how the fuck do you squat?

The ability to eat glass

>>732103883
nah once theyre attractive, guys will like them and theyll change for the better. Thats pretty useful

>>732103860
I don't even believe in that shit. I just like to fuck

>>732103969
doesn't matter, you thought about it, you just wait for someone else to make your invention and then fight for patent rights and if that doesn't work, invest in the company like other anon said.
Totally useful.

>>732104064
that's what I'm tryin to say though, you couldn't squat shit, only stop people from sticking things up your ass

the ability to teleport naked into places with no oxygen content
>space

>>732104059
>>732104134
So what both of you is saying is, just because I thought of the fucking internet before AOL was even a thing, I have the rights to it? No, that's not how it fucking works. I have patents of my own ideas, you have to have a description of what you are thinking to give to the patent officer. They look to see if there are any other ideas like that, if not it's yours and if somebody else invents it, then you get the profit.

the ability to cook food with the soles of my feet while doing yoga

Immortality + suicidal depression

>>732104433
look buddy, I like chicken and waffles, but you're pissing vinegar here
that reminds me

the power to vomit vinegar only when a cute girl is around

>>732104440
that's the ultimate super power... for a faggoty ass vegan

the ability to telepathically control hamsters

The ability to cook 1 minute rice in 59 seconds

the ability to give 10,000 euros to people I hate deeply

the ability to cause a car crash but only if I am severely injured somehow 5 minutes later

the power to eat methane and shit tin foil

the power to end this thread

the ability to donate unlimited blood coupled with an incredible fear of needles and bleeding.

>>732100904
Your bones will glow but you have to break them like glow sticks first.

the power to love

>>732101261
Have you seen mystery men.

>>732100904
the power to become a meme and flood anonymous servers every time my gf is on her period

The ability to look at the sun.

>>732100904
having the power to emit sunshine from my asshole when my pants are on

>>732104997
the power to become a mysterious man

>Your body will always remain at sea level.

the power to control undamaged sprinkler heads

the power to throw a 50 megaton punch and not let it connect with anything

>>732101448
I'd take it, if I go to jail mighty buttocks will defend from any rapist and can smash right through the walls with a simple thrust

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The ability to make dogs aggressive towards you.

the ability to look like Jerry Springer

The ability to see in the dark, but only when the sun is visible.

>>732100904
The ability to not have the need to blink.

>>732103936
Hey, i already have that power!

>>732101998
>freeze time
>end the universe because you can't unfreeze time because your consciousness is stopped.

define "useless" again

>>732104606
Mother
Fuckin
Hamster army