What's the worst thing you've gotten away with in public?

Murder

>>731665523
stop being stupid.

I like to eat a whole bunch of chili and crop dust people in the mall.

>>731664788
I had a dog for 16 years and I have never picked up his shit. I did it because I hate the people in the neighborhood.

Being in public. I'm rather unattractive.

>>731665889
>picking up dog shit
People ACTUALLY do that? I've never seen anyone do that

I once had sex in the back of a school bus during my youth

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

>>731664788
open carry while having a warrant out for my arrest. shits solved now but still.

>>731666124
not illegal you dumbfuck

>>731666355
People will still call the cops on someone that open carries, when they show up and id him, he gets arrested because of the warrant.

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This was years ago, it honestly makes me feel like total shit

>Be Halloween
>15 years old
>Decide to still trick or treat cus free candy
>Group of 5 including myself
>A kid named Nelson from school is with us
>He's annoying and no one likes him
>He tries fitting in so hard but just doesn't work
>He's dressed as a pirate with two plastic swords
>Smacks us with them every 5 seconds
>Tell him to cut the shit or leave
>He smacks my friend who just snaps
>My friend punches him hard in the face
>He's on the ground screaming bloody murder
>Says he broke his nose
>Lots of blood everywhere on his face
>All of a sudden we all join in
>Beating him with our bags of candy
>And kicking at him hard
>Small crowd begins to gather as we beat him in the street
>His screaming just suddenly stops
>And we're just beating on this silent kid
>Eventually someone tries stopping us
>We start running and running
>Go back to my house
>Realize how much blood there is on our feet and bags
That night was one of the scariest nights of my life, we thought we killed him because he had stopped making sounds as we were beating him, but we just kept doing it, his parents called the police but shockingly he refused to give our names and just told them it was some random kids in costumes, we ended up burning our costumes and came up with fake alibis, we even took pictures wearing different costumes to act as evidence, faked the date and everything on the pictures

To this day I still have no idea why he didn't rat us out, he ended up with a broken nose, multiple bruises, and a missing tooth, there was an article on the local news website about it, wonder if I can still find it, this was back around 2006, looking him up on Facebook it looks like he lives a normal life, has a wife and a little girl, every now and then I get the urge to message him and ask why he didn't turn us in, but I know it would only lead to problems.

>>731664788
Grab a stranger ass on the street. As I feeled her butt she turned around really slowly. I did it as a joke because me and my friend were walking beside eachother and she was infront of my friend so I grab her ass and when she turned around she looked at my friend and didn't say anythng.

>>731667180
Seems like he moved on. You should try doing that too.

>>731664788
Which anime/hentai is this, anon?

>>731667866
Haruhi Suzumiya

>>731667180
I'll tell ya why anon.
I knew a kid like this too. Took him a while to finally get it. Kids like him have to learn the hard way. Telling him to stop doesn't work cause he thinks it's all in fun. But they don't get it. Over and over wondering why no one likes them till they get the shit knocked out of them. It sunk in and the next time you saw him at school, he likely stopped being a little shit. I bet within the next 2 years he gained friends and everything. Little shits like him normally grow up to have good decent lives

>>731665630
I was once extremely horny, didn't have a girlfriend, and my roommates had friends over (my room is attached to living room so I can't masturbate without people hearing). I grabbed some toilet paper and drove to a carpool parking lot where I thought I would be alone. I started masturbating in my car when a bright light suddenly appeared behind me shining into my car. I quickly put my dick away but didn't have time to zip up my pants or put away the toilet paper. A cop came up to my window and told me that what I was doing was wrong and highly illegal. He said normally he would arrest me but he was on his way to a big crime scene and didn't have the time. He got in his car and left. I left immediately afterwards and ended up waiting for everyone in my house to leave before masturbating in my bedroom. Easily the scariest and luckiest day of my life.

>>731668659
Two years ago I tried to steal a valuable box of Yugioh cards from Walmart
One of the secret shoppers caught me and said he was going to be on break soon and to leave it and to make sure I'm not spotted by him again

Posting the link to this thread.

>>731665301
>>731665301
>>731665301

>>731664788
Snatched a cell-phone out of someone's backpack and threw it in the trash.

Prolly farting... you know those atomic gas radiation farts that are soooo... incredible pure of smell that you have to couch. They thought it was a baby.

>working in retail
>not hired for sales floor, but they put me there anyways
>I'm cleaning manure and dirt some jackwagon spilled on the floor
>a few hundred pounds of it
>lady bashes cart into my back
>screams "Don't touch me! Gawd, don't be that close!"
>I say "Cool your jets cunt."
That's my worst normie public thing. Apparently she got mad because I called her a cunt. Like shit. Literally. I was covered in the stuff. If you didn't see me, you at least should have smelled me.

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>>731664788
Pulling a Fire Alarm

>>731664788
Lit a bomb off in a public park surrounded by houses. It brightened the the night sky. The cops sent a helicopter out and there was a shit ton of smoke in the air. My friends and I hid in a ditch on the outskirts of town. It was pretty tense.

went down an icey slope, knocked a guy over and broke his collar bone.
it felt kinda cool at the time

>>731669923
freshman year in college i lived in the dorms. every night for the first 3 weeks someone pulled the fire alarm. they never found out who it was.

>>731670137
We had a guy puke in the same spot in the back stairwell in my dorm. Every Thursday night. No one ever found out who it was, but everyone on the floor had to split the cleaning costs every week.

>>731666002
muh nibba

>>731670273
housing costs didnt include a janitor?

>>731670058
Molotov'd a park one year with some friends for fun and they sent a fire truck scary fucking shit. Looked cool when it went off tho

>>731670554
Nope. I was on a specific floor that was substance free and for scholarship winners of some accountant thing. I just got the last free room. It was a cheap converted floor from something else.

>>731666002
Don't take your guns to town son. Leave your guns at home, Bill.

>be me
>in highschool
>phobia of public restrooms
>hold shit in
>can't hold it in anymore
>ditch school after class
>shit myself trying to walk home
>walk 2 km to house with shit in boxers
>no longer afraid of public restrooms
>new phobia and dislike of shit

Anal segregation. It was Intense

>>731671981
>year before
>can't hold shit in anylonger
>go to nurses to get sent home
>prarie dogging it
>go to nurses private restroom
>throw boxers in trash
>get sent home
>next week same thing
>students are no longer allowed to use nurses restroom
>ditch school after class but I made it home.

>>731664788
Being fucked by a security guard in a public bathroom

>>731671981
>he doesn't have a scat fetish
wow normie!

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>>731672649
you take that back bitch.

Some bruhs and i mixed styrofoam and gasoline together. We set it on fire and tried to put it out by tossing it into this public pool with people in it. If yk you know anything about napalm then you know what happenend. No one was hurt. We just ran like the dickens

>>731668659
How do you masturbate loud?

>>731672772
well at least you like lolis

>>731672926
"IM MASTURBATING RIGHT NOW! DON'T COME IN HERE!"

>>731672926
Some people use lube, which makes a squelching sound when you pump up and down.
Even when I dry masturbate, I still make a lot of noise. (breathing, friction, chair squeeking)

>Be me youngster in highschool
>buys weed for the first time
>decide after i hangout with my friends im going to drive home and smoke a joint
> I live in the country the drive is like 10 minute from my friends house going 20 over limit
> end up making it half way before weed kicks in
> i end up driving like an asshole
>doing 20 on an 80 road, guy behind me keeps honking, my high brain is like fuck this im freaking out.
>pull over and get out of car, he stops and starts yelling at me
>windy night out trees around us are freaking me out more swaying and "reaching towards me"
> end up fucking kicking his shin running back to my car to continue doing 20 down the road
>I see him on his phone probably calling cops
>get home sit in room waiting for shit to go down and cops to come or something

everything turned out okay, feels good man.

>>731674928
wow, I don't understand how people get this paranoid off of weed. Everytime I smoke, I just end up laughing my ass off and having a good time.

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>>731674928
>trees around us are freaking me out more swaying and "reaching towards me"
You sure that wasn't crack?
I wish I knew anyone who saw fuckin spooky ass man swallowing trees when I smoked.

>>731675039
it was my 2nd time getting high technically and I've always been a goodie two shoes always hated getting in trouble never wanted to do anything bad and get caught. Besides none of my friends did anything like drink or weed so i didnt want them to leave me either which they would if they found out.
I didnt drink until i was 18 and didnt go to parties because again my friends weren't about that life
now im pretty chill with it still can't drive high though

I had a girl suck my dick in a movie theatre

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>>731675204

>>731675092
looking back i knew i was autismo but i laugh now, the trees were those really low hanging scary movie trees with the heavy branches that usually have spider webs all over them so in my mind i was like scary trees, angry unknown driver, im gonna get killed plus i live near the murder capitol of canada

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>>731675435
Regina aint that bad mang.

>>731675039
Did you not read the "first time" part of that story?

>>731675569
edmonton is the murder capitol at least it was back a few years, that's why it's nicknamed deadmonton

>>731674333
>breathing
ew

>>731667180
You're a savage, a ticking time bomb that hopefully won't explode again.

>>731675851
slapping

ffs

>>731675580
Why would that matter? I said I don't understand how people get paranoid because I don't have experience with being paranoid and never met anyone who has been paranoid on weed before.

>be me
>be at library
>>walking around
>see man looking at porn
>goto the front desk and tell them
>lady replies "he likely has that level of clearance"
WHY? Seriously, if I were caught looking at porn in a library, I would have had the cops called on me. It wasn't even through tor or a VPN it was literally on one of their PCs
KIDS could see what he was looking at!

>>731676691
Is porn illegal where you live or something?

>>731676942
>library

>>731676942
In public yes. Why would you look at porn in public?
Public indecency

>>731677085
>shh
>>731677135
For Science!

>>731668659
Bruh your car is private property he can't do shit

>>731672926
Falling on top of a dresser knocking it down and smashing it through part of wall immediately after auto erotic asphyxiation

>be me
>in preschool
>peer through window while waiting for class
>see some guy looking at his computer screen
>see some guy getting his chest torn open
>Tfw still sleep with the lights on

>>731677443
Damn, you sure got away with that horrible incident that you did.

>>731664788
In bathrooms, I piss in the drain on the floor

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>>731677339

>>731676691
I have yet to meet a kid who looked at porn and turned out not ok. The weird rapey ones are usually the ones whose mothers beat them with a paddle.

>>731677606
Supreme Court ruling look it up ASS slut

>>731677641
This

>>731677641
Hey, I was never beaten with a paddle!!!

Probably for me taking a giant shit on a street light and whipping my ass on same street light

>>731677641
>I have yet to meet a kid who looked at porn and turned out not ok
All kids you met that look at porn turn out ok?

Something is really fucky with your grammar

Feeding my neighbours dog chocolate

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>>731664788
>what's the worst thing you've gotten away with in public?
Lying on television. Many people say I have the best lies. I don't know who they are, but it's many people. No one lies better than me. Believe me.

>>731677788
but you understood the sentence right? So what more did you add to this thread?
Think, anon, think.

>>731664788
sauce?

>>731677845
I can't believe you still watch television.

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>>731672607
please tell moar

I fingered a girl... that's about it.

>>731677910
Fox news never lies man.

>>731677748
Esterhazy, 1 AM
I saw you by the vape shop pissing on some dudes car, I've seen you anon.

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>>731677664
What is plain view doctrine?

>>731677641
no you dumbass. I'm talking about in public in general.

>being paddled was a bad thing
shut up, there's nothing wrong with spanking, and if you think this, please go back to your safe space.

>>731677705
yeah! see this guy is a perfectly good rapist and his mother didn't paddle him!

>>731677796
chocolate doesn't affect dogs like you think it does. It's actually pure coco

>>731677910
H A R U H I
S U Z U M I Y A
i already told the thread, don't read it nothin now.

>>731669506
Did shit like this at one of my jobs in college.
> working night shift at a high school to pay bills.
> retard kids leave shit all over the place in locker rooms.
> i phone 5 sitting on top of bag along with about 15$ in cash.
> pocket cash and toss phone in garbage bag.
> end of the night trash goes in incinerator.

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>>731665721

>>731678032
>chocolate doesn't affect dogs
tell that to the dog

I came on my mother while waiting at the bus stop

I've gone out into the middle of a store and threw cans of paint at people.

>>731671981
>walking home from friends house
>randomly shit my pants
>"fuck my life is over. im gonna have to wear diapers and shit for the rest of my life"
turned out i dont need diapers and shit

>>731675984
Oh shut up. He obviously still feels bad about it, and he realizes it was fucked. He's fine

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This one time, I walked around the store with my Mom, but I was flipping everyone off under the sleeves of my coat the whole time. (I was around 7)

>>731664788
Called someone a nigger for being a nigger.

>>731678166
Most chocolate in the US is actually artificial with maybe like 10 to 20 percent of cocoa in it. Also, depends on the size of the dog. My friend's dog ate an entire thing of chocolates that was sitting on his desk. He said like a day later he was shitting wrappers and he couldn't stop laughing

>>731678459
Watch out, we got a badass over here.

>>731678574
good thing I'm not in the US then

>>731677664
what fucking supreme court ruling you fucking idiot?

>>731678459
E D G E

When i was in jr. high i wore a baggy hoody that covered my crotch area. I pulled my arms inside beat off in my math class and later in my us history class.

>>731677788
you're a dumass

>>731678750
I did that once
Except I came everywhere and got caught.

>>731678684
Check your chocolate, a lot of our chocolate is shipped around the world, you could potentially have our chocolate.

>>731678750
>Jr High
Where the fuck are you? This is referred to as middle school now. Are you like in your 40s?

>>731678775
Dumbass*

>>731667180
Would like to see news article if it doesn't reveal you too much

>>731678852
When i did it a girl asked what i was doing. Said i wasnt doing anything but continued masturbating while talking.

>>731666002
I live in reno lol

>>731678888
W I T N E S S E D

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>>731678888
Q U A D S
U
A
D
S

>be me in 7th grade
>be edgelord anarchist
>make stickers from USPS shipping labels with a pic of the school's district logo on it with "DEFY" written underneath it
>post TONS of them all over the school
>other kids think I'm cool as shit
>hand them out and other people start posting them all over the school as well
>end up staying up until 1 am every night making stickers with stencils and sharpies
>school starts putting monitors in every corner of the school trying to catch whoever's doing it
>make announcements every morning about stickers and whoever posts them will be turned over to police
>stickers still going up
>I'm not even posting them myself anymore
>stupid fuck head in my class puts one right on the screen of a tv in the classroom on our way out of class
>teacher sends someone to get me at my next class to ask if I did it because apparently the whole class said I was the one who puts them up
>tell them it was fuck head
>fuck head gets in trouble
>put one up in my homeroom
>homeroom teacher is cool af and doesn't tell any other staff it was me and just says "don't put them in my room"
>never got in trouble

Oh shit! I didn't know I got quads! Neat.

BTW I'm OP LOL

>>731679069
Me too!

>>731664788
ive had sex in a club on the dance floor before. I had my fly open and a sweatshirt tied around my waist to cover it up.

>>731679496
FUCK YOU

>>731679598
didn't your dick get caught in her zipper? But that's impressive

>>731679623
LOL :)

>be me
>2002
>highschool
>Korn is the shit at the time
>people itching to get the Issues album
>Buy a couple CD's
>Burn the entire issues album onto the disks
>Sell them around school for 20-40$ each
>come home with a few hundred dollars
>do this Everytime a new album comes out

>>731679714
this was during a time that no one knew what "burning a CD" really was unless you were a techy

I take it you're no older than like 35

>>731679714
Holly shit Austin why did you stop selling those slayer albums you cunt

>>731679714
How is the the worst thing you've done? (being an entrepreneur in highschool) or hustling as we call it in the hood.

>>731679936
that*
also I wish I was that smart in highschool.

>>731679936
I ripped people off,Sold the albums at a really high price (20-60$ were the main price range) even though it sounded shittier

>end of work day
>crowded train going home
>me and 2 good buddies
>moderately drunk
>see boy traveling alone
>offer money for sex
>he's unsure at first
>eventually agrees
>we spend two and half hours taking turns fucking his ass
>he just stand there with head in corner holding onto his shorts
>he started bleeding at some point but we didn't notice didn't care
>we exit train without paying him money
>wash dicks off in river

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Onese a day I pooped up my pants in school. On the morning than I've came in school I felt pain in my stomach. It was awful. All the toilets was closed so had no opportunitiy took a shit. Then 3rd lesson started I've dead. In fact no one did notice. It was great. So than lessons ended I've go home

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>>731680294

>>731680294
Dude, please learn English

>>731680136
This feels made up. you should have used a condom.

>>731678888
Still JR High schools in my area dickless.. middle Schools are for rejects like you summer fag

Masturbated in 10th grade biology during a video about smokejumpers was playing while looking at a girl with a black eye

>>731666001
with a girl?

>>731680738
ahh? what?
No
Middle school is all over the fucking country man. I don't know anywhere that still calls it "Jr High"

They should combine 1-6 in elementary school and 7-12 in Highschool.


>Summer fags

Even moot stated that the traffic on the site actually goes down during the summer. So that would technically be winter fags

>>731678340
Kill yourself please

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>dealing weed
>public fucking
the weirdest thing was a stray dog tried to mount me while I was passed out at a barbecue and I woke up to an old lady I don't know pulling him off me. nobody was filming and I didn't get jizzed on so it wasn't that bad.

>>731677910
i can't believe it's not butter

I uplugged the battery on someone wheelchair

>>731680136
wow so you and your friends were always faggots or just that one time?

I threw my empty soda can on the floor, instead of in the trash can. I still think about it, till this day.

>>731680932
Moot is and always was a faggot
nothing it ever said could be taken seriously

>>731670649
My friend and I made a molotov cocktail in junior high.Being that we were cheap, broke cunts we used anything flammable we found in the house and garage instead of getting some gas.

So we head off to the school, lite up the rag and throw it against the wall.

Absolutely amazed when we have seemingly made the worlds best fire retardant.The stuff would not catch fire.

It stained the wall pretty good though.
Life of crime = Over.

I've been spraying and painting in town for like 4 years like 3 to 4 times a week. Never been caught so far

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>>731679678

>>731664788

I crashed my Quad into 2 or 3 cars and broke some lady's leg when i rammed her againts her vehicle and ran away when i was 13, one of my schoolmates had the same quad and he got the fucking blame.

>>731682292
moot is a dude.

Playfully groping a girl in public
She did the same to me though

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i once didn't hold the door for a lady

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>>731682921

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Pissing here pissing there, pissing fucking everywhere.
Alcohol is one hell of a drug.

Milfag here - In Iraq we stormed into a building that was full of smoke, I ran into three guys wearing helmets and gasmasks, I shot two of them dead and stabbed the third with a knife...

turns out they were firefighters

I was once in an Argos and this dumb little child left his kiddy wallet next to the catalogue and i saw it and just picked it up and walked out and there was like £20 in there! I was so chuffed

>>731682921
jesus christ man, you fucking monster.

>>731683232
Tells us anon. Does it haunt you knowing you killed innocent people?

>>731682738
Moot is a faggot

>>731683232
literal kek. Why did you guys storm the building?

>>731683232
I hope they execute you at Leavenworth some time anon, I also hope you get raped there. You're probably a dumbfuck 11B that just wants to kill just cuz.

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>>731682921

NO!!! DON'T DIE!!

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>be me
>walking home from a family meeting
>go into sidewaywich is a shortcut from my position
>get horny
>start rubbing dick through pants
>gettig even more turned on because of the risk being seen in pub
>while fapping i think of good m'ladies
>cum on a "doorknob" of a random car
>keked

>>731664788
Probably masturbating in class / creep shooting HS girls.

>>731667180
That's easy: He knew "he was wrong". That his behavior led to this. So on the one side, he thought your actions were justified, and on the other side he could have feared that if he snitched you, you could bring up his annoyance and then he would be persecuted instead of you.
But that's just what a very bad psychology student interprets in his behavior.

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>wanted to experience shitting in pub
>went to a playground nearby but it was to open to the street
>next to it i found a small forest
>see a little entrance inside the forest so i crouch under it
>in the forsest i found a round place but i also found some puppets, a couch and clothes hanging all around
>crouch on the couch and begin shitting
>what child of hell have i been eating.jpg
>digusted by own shit, smells like Hitler reanimation with his gas
>fuck... i thought that i had some tissues in my bag to wipe my ass
>walk with shit ass home
>instantly taking shower

>>731664788
unlocking phone and porn popping up

i stole Jesus

>>731678888
Nice quads but please stop calling it chocolate
Calling things Americans eat food names is part of the problem

>>731666001
was the bus driver gentle with your anus?

I once stole a chocolate bar from a down syndrome person when I was like 10

I slith up some guys face with a broken bottle when he attacked my group of people while he was drunk/drugged. He found me on fb, tried to sue me and I sued him right back. Turns out hes a druggy and kind of a Hooligan so I had to testify in a big court case against him. I think he got jailed with his scarred face.

>>731685804
Get over it. No one cares what you call sweets in your country

>>731667180
probably thought you'd do it again

>>731667180
You and your friends are bullying cunts, people like you are the reason why so many people end up killing themselves or ending up getting addicted to heroin. You are a piece of shit

>>731678684
Yeah holy shit American chocolate is bad.

Even their "dark chocolate" off shelves is like, 40-45% cocoa.

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>be me
>be 8
>go to shitty Catholic school with priests who think they're the shit.
>I interrupt his classroom to give a notebook to a friend.
>kiddy fiddler tells me my parents raised me wrong for interrupting his class
>i love my parents nobody disrespects my parents
>leave classroom and pray to God to give him cancer and die.
>mfw he gets diagnosed with cancer the next week.
>mfw he dies the next month

>>731686800
Can you for me to get cancer Pls

I got a hand job and fingered the chick I was with in a movie theater. another time we got caught fucking in the back of my hatchback in a beach parking structure by the pd

>>731686044
Look at it this way, anon. Bullying isn't cool, but sometimes, bullying is the only thing that can get the mentality of "grow the fuck up" engrained in some little shit's thick skull.

>>731664788
>stole money
>racist boss blamed the nigger
he is still in prison

>>731686800
tried it again?

>>731680136
indaia?

>>731687069
Basically, this is what happened to this kid in my middle school. And I was the kid that beat the crap out of him
>be me
>in 8th grade
>going to a different school cause my old school was trash and the teachers basically said it was a good alternative cause am smart they said
>goto the school and everyone likes me
>still in SPED but mostly because of severe ADHD so it was more for me to focus
>gain a friend in a normal ed class
>didn't have a way home except parents getting me; we didn't get the short bus cause we forgot
>walk to the library and play the golden days of Runescape till 9 PM every day
>1 day (a Tuesday I don't know how I remember) this 6th grader is walking by himself
>whips out a cell phone
This was during a time I hated cell phones
>turn to my friend and say "He doesn't deserve the to have that phone"
>kid hears me and says "shut the fuck up"
>turn to him and tell him he doesn't have the right to say those words to me
>says "shut the fuck up" again
>walk away
>every day I pass him he says it to me regardless if I talk to him or not
>two weeks later
>Thursday (I remember it cause it was a lot) I finally got fed up with it
>kid says it to me again
>"Say it to me again see what happens"
>does and I smack him in the back of the neck "Necking"
>Kids around me laughing and saying "Ooooh he necked him"
>could care less
>he says it to me again
>"Say it to me one more time see what happens"
>Says it
>I whirl around and kick him in the gut
>He's kneeled over on the ground huffing
>walking away he says "you're lucky I don't have my guns on me"
>"What?!" I run over to him and start punching his head in and finally push him over
>some white lady runs out of her SUV yelling "what's going?"
>I look at him and say (and I don't know how I remember this far back) "If you EVER say that to me again, I will kick your ass from here to Pakistan!"
>Walking away a bunch of kids come to me
>"I don't want to start anything with you guys."
TBC

>TBC
>"No. We wanted to thank you"
Come to find out, this little brat had been starting shit and fucking with other kids. However, after kicking his ass, I STILL got in trouble by the police AND by the school, even tho the school said they would handle it. He was a fucking spic. They added extra cuts on his face to make it look worse.

BUT the good thing came from all this is that he fuckin stopped with kids. I heard about 2 weeks later. I as technically out of school at that time and they still suspended me. As my parents did know they didn't ground me, they didn't punish me, they were, in fact, proud of me cause they found out the same shit.

As for the police, I wasn't arrested but I had to show up to court. I had to serve some community service hours. But they said afterward it will be off my record. This was back like whenever the razor was big. I don't remember, I just remember I was in 8th grade.

>>731686800
nice dubs

>Be 12
>Live near warehouses
>Me and a friend set a truck on fire
>Ride our bikes round the area
>Firemen come
>Staff member of the warehouses tell us he knows it wasn't us we been here playing on our bikes the whole time
>Nobody was any the wiser

Still to this day I wonder why the guy had our back when it was obviously us.

>>731674928
what is this 'trees reaching towards me' and 'weed kicking in' meme? like holy fuck you realize you have autism and smoking weed makes your spurge, because that is not normal

>>731666002
Are you johnny cash?

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>>731686800

>>731688108
No not really although I did say this land whale would get diabetes and she did.
>kek

>>731689641
haha something simular happend to me, if only I could remember... anyway, being a cute kid takes away the risk I guess

>>731678166
its what my dog told me, so i train her chocolate all the time

>tfw i'm a nigger and i call my dick the chocolate train

>>731667180
Hey anon, if you're still around.. I just want to let you know that you're a piece of shit and a fucking faggot.

>>731665986
Ahmed pls

>>731679851
>2002
>highschool
i take it you're no less than a lvl99 aspie

>>731664788
>I was really drunk and I just had a big meal. >Was walking to get more booze, needed to shit really bad.
>So I sat down at a bus stop and pulled my pants down at the back and just let it rip down the back of the seat.
>Huge ass log while cars were driving past.

>Walked past there the next day and saw my huge crap baking in the sun while all these school kids were sitting at the bus stop.

>I saw it every day just sitting there until it turned to dust. I think the alcohol preserved it. So it was around for months.

Welp story time
>be me
>be 13
>me and my friends went to our school and climbed the roof at night
>one kid in our group named riley was a fat fuck and couldnt climb up
>we try and help him but he was so fucking heavy
>all of us hear the night security guard
>we all run to the other side of the roof and jump off
>we left riley
>we later find out he was expelled from school

>>731690396
I live in GA dood

>>731690401
I'm confused, how so? I don't really understand what you're saying

>>731664788
>a persistant habit of semi-public masturbation

the peak was reached when a whole class on a school trip walked past my hiding spot

incredible i walked away from that

When i was 7 i tried to kill a girl by strangling her, but since i was under the age of criminal responsibility i got away with it.

>>731689641
Insurance

>>731677845

I believe you. In fact, I'm feeling strangely tempted to vote for you.

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>>731667180

>>731688903
You're still a faggot for insulting people over things they have that you don't

>>731690632
great arabia?

>>731691193
that part I'm ok with admitting. If I hadn't said anything to him, likely, he'd still have been a little bitch to everyone. Ya know? So I mean yea I shouldn't of said anything to him but at the same time, I did good? The whole idea of "you have to bend the rules to do some good" idea

>>731691295
Again nigger, I'm in GA. Are you referencing something?

>>731680294
Mr Homoshima, prease realn engrisheru

Ok I got another one
>In grade 8. Steal some booze from my alcoholic grandparents enormous stash
>Have a "party" in bush near my house with 3 friends and a girl
>Also had some weed, made a bong from a Breaka chocolate milk bottle
>Everyone drinks the booze, smokes the weed, girl passes the fuck out. The bundy is stronk
>my friends all rape her passed out body
>I don't because rape is bad
>I don't say anything because being a snitch in my country is the lowest thing you can do, but I'm angry af
>kids start picking on me for being gay
>keep calling me a fag or saying I have a small dick and was scared
>goes on for weeks
>one day in Phys Ed we're going out to play hockey
>they won't let me on their team because "He's a faggot"
>totally sperg the fuck out, everything goes slow motion
>smash one kid right across the face with my hockey stick, he can't dodge. Knock him to the ground
>Keep hitting him a few times
>run at the next kid, use the hockey stick to sweep his legs as he turns to run
>repeatedly hit the back of his skull as hard as I can
>Everything is rage at the point. I dash at the last kid and hold the stick in two hands and push him down and hold it over his throat and push down as hard as I can
>6"8 Chad PE teacher runs up and pulled me off. Takes the hockey stick off me
>"You're out of control Anon, you need to go to the office" he says
>I tell him "FUCK YOUUUUU if you tell me parents about this, I'll kill you cunt, try me"
>go to office
>spill beans about everything
>school calls my parents
>parents tell school they have a duty of care to protect me from bullying and they failed in that and if they pursue it any further they'll sue
>ask why I can't defend myself from bullying
>ask why it's ok for those kids to rape a girl
>school backs off. 2 week in school suspension
>literally nothing

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>>731664788
Why was Haruhi such a fucking bitch?

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>>731664788
>Waiting in line at the bakery one morning.
>Popular baker so 15 minute wait generally of a morning
>A couple lines out onto sidewalk
>Girl and her mother waiting in line next to me, but one person ahead of my own position
>They are last in their line as am I
>My line shuffles forward and I am now just behind then, almost next to them
>Girl probably 9 or 10, hot little dark haired loli in leggings
>Mother pisses off to the pharmacy two doors down and tells her daughter to hold the place in line
>I shuffle toward the girl, brush up against her
>She doesnt seem to care much
>Knuckles of hand pat her on her arse
>Oh Sorry
>She stares dead ahead
>I figure fuck it, this is my one chance in life
>Able runner and a clear path out of there so figure if she screams I can just leg it
>Grab a chunk of arse and sqeeze
>Chub almost instantly
>No scream
>Put my hand on the small of her back and slide my hand down past her hips and under the seam of her leggings
>Keep heading South
>Middle finger goes down her crack and the palm (I dont know what the fuck its called) of my middle finger meets her arsehole
>I keep going down
>Find the very bottom of her pussy
>Literally the softest and most desirable fucking thing I have ever touched
>I go for broke and reach my arm around a little and run my finer through her lips
>Almost come in my pants
>Shes still staring dead ahead
>Figure its time to get the fuck out of dodge and withdraw
>Get paranoid and fuck off out of the line
>Smell finger, hand and forearm immediately when walking away
>Take the day off to jack off to the little girl smell

Fucking hell. They really are the epitome of whatever the fuck life is about.

>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Cover my ass

>>731691351
The fuck does GA means? Great Ass? Grand Anus?

>>731664788
Not sure if this is fucked up, but I slept with my Earth science teacher in middle school and had a relationship with her throughout high school. I always thought it was perfectly fine because we loved each other so much.

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>>731692253
Noice

>>731692190
GEORGIA USA YOU FUCKING DUMBASS

>>731692159
Bruh ...

>>731692415
Hey, im not from retardistan, how the fuck would i know the name of some shitty irrelevant hillbilly flyover state of some fascist country?

>>731692159
Daring as fuck. Your life would be over in an instant if you got caught doing that. Did she ever even flinch?

>>731667180
>Beating him with our bags of candy
I keke'd

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>>731692796
It was early in the morning and I do dumb shit in the morning. I wouldnt have had the balls to do that later in the afternoon. I once cycled a bike off a roof at around 7 in the morning once so Im not the best in the head then.

She just stood there. Staring forward. That was a few years ago now. I like to think that she'll masturbate to it one day...if she doesn't already.

>>731692159
Of all the things that didn't happen, this didn't happen the most.

I waved to a little girl on the train

>>731664788
Pissing in a water fountain

>>731692968
I did something similar in a packed concert once. But it was to an adult and she was kinda fat. I just wanted to see what I could get away with.

She ignored it for a while and then her friend wanted to leave so she moved. I go between feeling deeply ashamed, and fapping because fuck me. Molesting a random girl in public is so damn hot.

>>731692501
>fascist country
You dumbshit nigger, I live in America. This isn't fascism. FFS get your fucking world geography and politics down.

Also, you're thinking of alamaba or Missippi, ga only gets shit because of the country accent for the most part

>>731693374
Mississippi

Saw an old gloryhole in a library bathroom once. Drew and wrote fresh stuff on it, and waited while I was taking a shit.
Towards the end of my crap, someone enters and does use it, so I pull my pants up and smear the paper I had put to the side all over the random cock while pretending to jerk it, then I slam the door open and book it.

>>731693493
>pretend to jerk it
No dude. You jerked a guy off and rubbed shit on his dick.

>>731693493
lol hahahaha top kek

wanking in class at school beneath the desk

nearly got caught, which would have been a disaster and almost certainly ended my career as a nursery teacher

>>731693493

that's pretty gay
you do realise that fags get shit on their dicks routinely? he was probably excited

>smoked a whole of rhubarb
>cops pulled out
>"you seen any gooseberries boy?"
>"no officer"
>phew

>>731664788
When i was about 18 i went to this mainstream rock concert. When it got real crowded some girl was pressing against my dick for like 15 minutes. It was realy hot but we didnt make eye contact or anything. She moved at somepoint leaving me with a hell of a boner so i figured all the girls liked that and i pressed my dick against a different girl. Looking back she was probably like 15 - 16 -_- but i did it for a long time and i felt realy good i was even about to come in my pants but some fat chick got in between us and gave me the look.. I respended by pressing myself unto her asweel and then looking back like someone was pushing me (i think it worked)

I realy regret doing this and sometimes i imagine someone doing this to my sister or gf and feel realy disgusted with myself

Also when i was younger i broke into some familys home (just in the yard) stole a pait of panties and jacked off to them at home

>>731664788
Picking up half-smoked cigs and smoking them

>>731694037
I've done that too. Being poor sucks.

>be high on LSD (half tab) + weed
>at zoo with 2 friends
>have to return home earlier than planned bc zoo is closing
>driving home
>stopped in a police checkpoint
>ohshit.jpg
>we all high AF
>they search car, but cant tell we are high
>find weed and bullet-type metal pipe
>"say anon, what is this?"
>pipe
>"how does it work?"
>friend: "want me to show you how?"
>friend proceeds to take one hit on the street, in the middle of like 10 cops
>tell us something like "b careful anons"
>let us go, but keep the little weed we had
>go buy beers and kek the rest of the day celebrating nothing bad happened

>>731694110
It sure does, I'm looking for a job atm, and I whenever I go out, I make sure to pocket any cig that I find that hasn't been completely smoked

>>731694146
not the worst thing ive done tho,
just remembered that episode

>>731694245
I got filteres and papers and I'd just walk the streets late at night and pick up the butts and raid ashtrays. Better than smoking them out of the filter that someone else used I guess.

But when a pack of smokes is $18+ what can you do really. My NEET bux only go so far.

>>731690057
he did say "ain't no grave, can hold my body down" so maybe...

>>731694418
I use a pipe, filters just ruin it for me

>>731694548
Yeah I did that too. I'd just take all the tobacco out of the butts and just roll it up or smoke it in my little pipe. I remember being really desperate sometimes and I'd walk around after it rained picking up soaked butts and drying them out in the oven just for a smoke.

Me and four friends made about 40 molotov cocktails
Head to the local nigger trailer park in a pickup truck.
Toss them all at trailers and cars.
Leave the whole place lit up like a movie set.
long gone before the police and fire trucks arrive.
laughed our asses off at a secluded swimming hole.
A week to the day later, a mostly white trailer park gets hit - not us.
Whoever did it didn't know how to make molotov cocktails.
Most didn't do any damage.

Seriously, how do you fuck up making a MKt?

>>731694675
I've been that desperate before as well, the one thing I'll never smoke, are menthol smokes, I tried them once, and I only finished the pack because I wasn't about to waste money, but menthols, never again

>>731694807
>Seriously, how do you fuck up making a MKt?
by not knowing how to make them?

>>731694818
Well I pick them up sometimes I mean I go for volume. I just do my same route. Check all the ashtrays. Pick up all the butts. I just mix it in. Because all the tobacco from all the different smokes is a different brand or strength it just kinda blends in. Tastes like shit. But it gets the job done.

>>731694818
Do you die if you just quit smoking?

>>731664788
wiped my ass with snow at a train station.

>>731675210
I had a girl suck my dick in a movie

>>731695097
Pretty much, lol

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>>731685015
>doorknob of a random car

>>731695157
I sucked a girl's dick in a movie

>>731676057
It happens if you smoke too much. I used to smoke most days, but after a long brake I get social paranoia if I hit it too hard. Feeling everyone can see how high I am etc.

>>731695372
I used to get like that, but then I realized that grandpa was just as high as I was

>>731695219
Fuck sakes m8 get it together

>>731683232
Good job, soldier. Better them than you and who fucking knows what those "firefighters" might've really been up to. No Sarcasm fuck those sneaky sand niggers.

Took a shit in a urinal in kindergarten

>>731695629
As if you don't have vices and low points in your life

***You have been BLESSED by Le Good Pelican! Your mother will die in her sleep tonight if you don't post this in 4 other threads!***
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Broke into a police garage and stole a riot shield

>>731692159
You're a fucking pedophile and a rapist. I didn't know masturbate was a new word for "therapy", Hopefuly you get thrown in jail and become someone's bitch soon

>>731692253
Nothing statutory or rapey
about that.
Seems like a lot of you people are former victims who turned into abusers. Get therapy cause that shit is fucked and next thing you know you'll repeat the cycle and create another fuck face like the first one I replied to

>>731696074
tell me sauce

>sex in public, many times. "caught" twice but had a few close calls
>bjs in the car, last time was 2 weeks ago
>drugs in public, usually not directly in eyesight but didn't hide it either
>fights but that doesn't really count
>littered once
>vandalism
>theft
That's about it, none of it is that "bad"

>>731696040
I'm 27 years old now and there's nothing wrong with me. I do miss my teacher though. She broke up with me and went back to her husband.

>>731696260
if anyone want some to hear the story of getting caught fucking a girl in her apartment i'll share a tl;dr version because i'm tired of typing.

>>731696326
They always have a husband. Always. They're unhappy and unsatisfied at home so they need b& tiny young virgin Chad dick to jizz them up.

>>731696375
Thats not in public. Pass

>>731696459
Or or or hear me out. Or the husband is tired of them OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT

>>731677664
You can still get slapped with indecent exposure even if on private property. You can't walk to the edge of your yard and stand there flashing people.

>>731696566
I don't care about the excuse. It just pains me that I will never know that feel where hot teacher wants my young boy cock in her MILF pussy. Why even live?

I can't imagine growing up with an experience like that and how awesome it would be.

>>731695353
I have cancer.

>>731688903
You don't have the right to call someone a spic.
If you ever call someone a spic again, I'll kick your fucking teeth out, cunt.

>>731687758
yeah that never happnd
still funny tho XD

>>731693654
Scat porn


>>731696741
HEY GUYS LOOK A MAD WETBACK LOL
shuttup spic. Come fight me faggot. You're on 4chan you think anyone here is afraid of you beaner?
Beaners are the most useless people on the face of the earth and deserve to be thrown in a volcano.
Shit, even niggers are more useful than you.

>>731696459
You have a point, she used to always tell me I was bigger than him.

>>731696715
eat raw garlic

>>731696474
it wasn't in her suite, i meant the building.

>>731671981
>4 mile walk home from friends house
>Drunk
>Need a poo
>After 3 miles it wont stop turtleing
>Okay I'll wait till the next quiet spot and nature shit this bad boy
>dat drunk sphincter
>Half of it came out without warning, but managed to snip it in half with renewed anus strength
>Ran into someone's back garden
>please don't have an intruder light or a dog
>In the clear
>Took a glorious shit next to their hedge, and wiped ass with boxers.
>Left boxers there and ran home free and (reltively) clean.

Still felt embarrassed as hell though. And I lost a good pair of boxers.

>>731696958
Kek

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>>731696715
I am cancer

>>731697028
I'm serious. Raw garlic cures cancer. It cured my prostate cancer.

>>731675435
canada anon nice im also canadian where u at? im in ontario

>>731664788
Creeps, creeps everywhere

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>>731696882
>Niggers more useful than spics
Whoa man. At least the spics work in the fields and shit for us. Ease up. Niggers won't even do that.

i was fucked in a parking lot near a busy road, a few cars totally saw us

>>731676691
You fucking snitch

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>be me
>be like 15-16
>have me friend over for sleepover
>chillin in room til prob 1-2am
>she starts shitting herself
>shit everywhere
>calls her mom
>20 mins later we waited in my driveway
>middle of january in canada
> she proceeds to shit in my driveways snowbank like 6 times til her mom came
>go to bed
next day
>step dad gettin ready for work
>goes out to heat his car up
ANON WHY IS THERE SHIT STREAKS ALL OVER THE DRIVEWAY?! WHY IS THE SNOWBANK MADE INTO PORTAPOTTY?!?!? etc etc
>forced to clean friends frozen diarrhea off my driveway
>never had friends over again til I moved out

>>731697428
Are you a girl or a boy?

>>731697523
Think about it anon, be a parent and see what it feels like. You don't want your kid seeing that?

I have a friend who is sensitive as fuck. He gets off to titties

>>731697601
god that sounds so fucking hot. I would love to know your friend. I want that all over my cock.
scat is my fetish

>>731697674

she literally shit all over my bed too worst sleepover ever i had to get a new bed set kek

>>73169776 disgusting

>>731697767
you're literally making me hard anon. I legit want a girl to do this. Too bad you're not into scat.

>>731697839
>ded

>>731692159
When she did nothing about it it should not have damaged her. Kinda rapey but this is /b.

hit on a 13 year old

>>731686877
english????? kys

>>731698166
the fuck dude?

>>731697674
Yeah he should watch the fuck out and keep it away from kids but talking to him personaly is the right way. When you are annoyed by a loud party a decent human being would go over an ask them to turn it down and not just call the cops.

>>731698365
Chill out it never happend anyways

>>731676057
Well, my friends who smoke get lazy and just laugh a lot, but if you say some stupid shit like "the police are here", they will get paranoid unless someone will say that we're only fucking with them