Be honest. Where is the worst place you've fap?

>>730399297
inside dicks sporting goods dressing room, right into the corner

In my parents car

>>730399297
In a church

>>730399297

Thinking about doing this now gives me anxiety

>be 13
>family vacation to the east coast
>me, mom, dad, younger sister
>DC, Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, New York
>parents had a rental minivan
>I would always sit in the furthest row back by myself
>somehow i thought I was stealthy enough to jerk it while everyone else was in the car while we were driving around
>when I cum i wipe it on the carpeted back of the middle seat row
>do this multiple times throughout vacation, including driving through business district manhattan

In a Mormon church bathroom

>>730399297
In the back seat of my grandparents car with a blanket over me, while my grandma slept in the passenger seat in front of me, and my grandpa was placing flowers on his sisters grave.

School bathroom.

I just wanted to.

>>730399970
I've also jerked it many times in college dorm/school buildings but thats no big deal. Also jerked it once in the bathroom at work while taking a shit

>>730399297

>be 12
>go camping with family.
>go to lake
>people everywhere
>everyone doing their own thing
>meet little girl. About 8.
>parents not really watching her
>play with her in the water, it's super fun. Completely innocent play
>Afterwards head to playground
>She in her little bathing suit
>Play on the monkey bars forever
>Sun starts to set, parents come get her, she leaves
>Head to bathroom
>Fap furiously in the shower stall, anyone could have walked in at any second.

This was before I even knew what pedophilia was. All I knew was that this little girl gave me the biggest boner ever.

>>730399297
Portajon in the middle of the Iraqi desert.

>>730399297

School restroom. I was horny as fuck back in those days. I'd fuck my gf, go to school, need to run off a batch to focus.

>>730399297
>be me
>12
>needtofap.jpg
>goes to bathroom
>fap
>half way through
>teacher screeches outside of stall
>"are you almost done in there anon"
>loud.mp4
>falls off toilet
>dick hits piss covered floor
>"yes, just washing my hands"
>feel like shit all day

church

>>730399297
In a public park in broad daylight. I was by myself in a secluded area and teenage hormones struck

school bathrooms (male and female), gas station bathroom, school buses, school locker room (male and female), school locker room showers (female), my friend's sisters bed, outside in woods, and probably a couple of other places idr

>>730400555
nice dude. i cranked one out during tower guard when my buddy stepped out to go get chow

The woods. A back road in a semi new subdivision. An office in a Kohls while I was taking tests on the computer for orientation.

School bathroom. I suspect someone somehow knew what i was doing but it got blamed on someone else because word got around this other kid was jacking off in the bathroom, kek.

>>730400091
lol

Ive never done it outside my house, im not an animal that cant control myself

>>730400555
Driver's hatch of a Bradley while driving it on to a rail car during railhead for Graffenwohr.

In bed with my mother

masturbated next to my girlfriend in 6th grade while she was asleep (I didnt understand sex at the time), Church, Airplane, Most stores I go into, Green Room at school, a list could go on

>>730401130
pt2

Also, masturbating by myself in public gym saunas as a teen to the bears in the exposed shower in front of me. I didn't have anywhere for my cum to go so I came into my hand and ate it.

Again, I'll chalk that one up to "teenage hormones struck"

Jacked off while driving down the freeway once.

>>730399297

school bus when i was 11

>>730399297
In my old jobs server room, liked blowing my load into the intake fans.

>>730399297
On the onion router. I was so ashamed. I was only merely curious but I came a buckets worth.

>>730401559
Mutually jerked off with a friend on the back of a school bus once

>>730400510
Did u sniff her? Grabbed her?

In my cousins bed

A 1954 Mercedes 300 SL Gullwing. Not kidding.

Class back in middle school into the desk while secretly hoping the girl in front and next to me would help out because that's how life works? Ha

File: I+have+it+i+can+sell+it+to+you+for+_5051f7ee24197b7b0fb61beb28a32341.jpg (7KB, 200x210px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 200x210px

>first date at 16
>go to local dealers house to score so I can impress her
>introduces me to erl and loads a huge dab
>onestepforman.jpg
>stepmom picks me up from dealers house immediatley knows I'm stoned
>fuckit
>Girl qt 3.14 with blonde friend
>wait till friend leaves before I even give her a hug
>spend 30 minutes passed out trying to pack a bowl
>by the time I'm finished she has to go
>think about trying to kiss her, feeling extremly nausous
>akward see ya laters, she's gone
>call stepmom wander around woods baked of my mind
>kinda horny
>find a nice shrub to hide behind and whip my dick out
>cum right as my stepmom pulls up
>I have no idea how she found me
>I'm right next to main road
>Get grounded and sent to a group home when I get back

tldr did hash oil ruined a date with the love of my life and jacked off in a shrub pic related

>>730401169
Did that one too.
>>730401450
Motherfucking Graff was the best. I loved Cheers, the bar keep was a monster cougar. The brunette, not the angry old blonde lady.

>>730400555
Thank you for your service.

My friend and i used to put our hands down each others pants and flop each others cocks around in the middle of computer class whenever they turned off the lights to use the projector. We were too young to get boners, i guess we just thought it was funny.

>>730400510
>be 13
>younger brothers classmate goes to the same after school location i do
>she's 8-9
>he hates her
>i love her
>such a tomboy
>summer before high school
>last year i can do the places summer activities
>every thursday we go to the pool
>day before one of the trips
>tells me she's going to wear her old bathing suit
>'mom doesn't like it because she says it's see through but i'll bring it anyway'
>she does
>finally get to see those nipples and asscrack
What the fuck, who makes a kids size one piece that you can kinda see through?

>>730401814
Kek, fucking /b/

File: image.jpg (15KB, 160x213px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 160x213px

>>730401511
NIGGER U FUCKEN WAT

>>730401178
did you just pop a boner mid-test? what happened there?

>>730402159
kekd

>>730401511
bears?

>>730399297
school bus

>>730402506
But I'm serious

File: event-horizon1.jpg (480KB, 1031x603px) Image search: [Google]

480KB, 1031x603px

>16 y/o me
>hanging out with first girlfriend
>at her house watching movies and shit
>stopped paying attention 30 minutes into the movie
>Them titties were too nice
>about 1 in the morning she decides she's going to bed
>tell her goodbye and kiss her goodnight
>Get in my car and proceed to jerk off while parked in her driveway
>Finish and grab some subway napkins from the glovebox to clean up
>drive home and turn on TV
>event horizon was on
>night fucking ruined

File: ERTa3-431x600.jpg (47KB, 431x600px) Image search: [Google]

47KB, 431x600px

I've honestly fapped to porn on my phone while driving down the highway at night by myself. I propped the phone up on the speedometer glass and jacked it. blew it all over myself and felt like a retard afterwards. I had to slap the phone down a couple of times when a car would pass me in the other lane

>>730399297
>be 15
>go over to female friends house
>she's lesbian, but good god she was hot
>being lesbian, her parents let me come over whenever i wanted
>shes playing cs: source
>keep in mind, quite a while ago
>shes in a pretty tall chair
>i'm only 5'9"
>masturbate right behind her for around 15 mins while shes playing
>sniff her hair and whisper dirty shit to myself the whole time
>couple close calls,
>she'd turn around to me whenever she got frustrated with the game
>mfw i gotta tuck in my dick a few times
>i cum on the back of her chair
>i ask where her paper towels are
>"i spilled my coke"
>points me to the kitchen
>asks me to bring the febreze
>"smells weird"
>never got caught

>>730399297
Got up from my cubical once, walked into the bathroom stall, came all over the walls and toilet seat.

>>730399297
I was really horny and there was a teller at the bank I go to and her tits were hanging out and I could see her nipple so I sneaked a pic and fapped in the bathroom

>>730401511
>swallowed your own cum to get rid of evidence
Nigger...the fuck is wrong with you?

>>730401511
>>730402569
>>730402978
https://youtu.be/twQlpFrm5iM

>>730401450
>>730400555
>marines
us airforce men aren't that desperate.

>>730403285
>blew it all over myself and felt like a retard afterwards
Shit bro, why didn't you cum into something? also fucking hot pic.

>>730399297
At my desk sitting next to a blind guy

>>730403172
I dont doubt it.

>>730399297
>be me
>15 yo, first time in Munchen Airport
>see these sex toy machines in mens bathroom
>wanna try
>buy some blow up pussy for 2 euro
>get on airplane
>didnt jerk for a week cause with parents in a small hotel room
>thinking about the fake pussy
>gottanut.jpg
>go into bathroom
>instructions messy, cant understand
>5 min later figure out where to blow
>i persevere
>put dick in
>disappointed.gif
>feels like fucking a plastic bag
>5 more min, got no porn, cant nut
>fuck this
>finish off with hand
>making noise but i dont give a fuck
>come out of bathroom after 15 mins
>huge fucking line
>walk of shame to my seat
>still proud i came on an airplane

>>730403297
idk why but of all the stories, that one really did it for me

bathroom stall
didnt have anything else to do, got kicked out of class for eating sunflower seeds

>>730403312
shoulda jerked it in your cubicle

>>730401735
ya same.. felt so guilty but that made it feel waayy better

File: 1399163147991.jpg (242KB, 1200x1600px) Image search: [Google]

242KB, 1200x1600px

>>730401511
>masturbating by myself in public gym saunas as a teen to the bears
>to the bears
The fuck is wrong with you? And then you proceed to eat your own cum, once again. The fuck is wrong with you?

>>730401814

Hell man, didn't I say the play was innocent? It was. I didn't do anything with her that was wrong. It's just that after she left somehow I needed to fap so bad I couldn't control it.

>>730399777
Same and
>checked lucky sevens

>>730402722
I was horny.

Nice dubs.

>>730399297
In the back of a middle school art class

>>730403910
also in front of a urinal in a grocery store

>>730402326

I don't know, but God bless em whoever they are.

That reminds me of when a friends kids decided they'd "improvise" some bathing suits out of large t-shirts. The older girl clothespinned the bottom of the shirt together at her crotch and figured that was enough.

As soon as the water hit that fabric it was transparent. That was a good fap too (afterwards in the bathroom, of course).

back seat of mom's car while I looked at one of her MILF friend's reflection in the rearview mirror

Bathroom on a Chinatown Bus heading to NYC when I was 14. Was in there for a long time and everyone accused me of taking a fat shit

I travel a lot for work and regularly jack off on airplanes (in the bathroom) most recent was Friday evening. Jack off in Airport bathrooms watching porn all the time

>>730401548
Always wanted to try that. Best i did was goin 25 down a residential.

>>730403455
Army, and that's because you faggots never deploy long enough to have to worry about it. I'm sorry, I love working with you guys, but having an entire barracks room to yourself and getting "unsatisfactory living conditions pay" is fucking bullshit and you know it.

>>730404198
I've also jerked it in the ocean about 50 feet from shore a group of bikini clad females were splashing each other

Fapped a few times in a hospital operating room and once in a hospital morgue

>>730403469
kek I tried to aim it onto some napkins but my dick was pressed down under my underwear band. Also try operating a vehicle and aiming your orgasm at the same time

>>730404829
did you cum on the corpses... god i hope so... did the smell of death do it for you? i hope this is a sexy borderline-necro story

>Be me, 12 and in 5th grade
>Sit beside Autistic Austin
>Autistic Austin is wearing large camo jacket, goes past his knees
>Hear him pull both his hands into his coat
>I just assume he's doing his normal autistic thing
>Autistic Austin starts to breath heavy, and he's glancing at girls in class
>l'm to young and stupid to catch on
>starts to fap harder
>visibly pulling his wiener and slapping his nuts
>I finally catch on
>teacher sees Autistic Austin
>"Both hand on the desk at all times Austin" says the teacher
>Very awkward situation
>MFW I watch Autisic Austion pull both hands out of his coat
>smelled bad, pretty sure Autistic Austin is uncircumcised and doesn't wash regularly but didn't realize this at the time
>this event never gets forgotten with my friends and I

File: 1486772627959.gif (285KB, 300x100px) Image search: [Google]

285KB, 300x100px

>>730400091
Kekekekek

File: F979E66AE21316227144132796416_pic-r-1456787107008a43ffcba73.jpg.jpg (5KB, 194x194px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 194x194px

>>730403429
That's what I'm talking bout

>>730404829
>hospital morgue
Now this I wanna hear.

While on a nature walk, once laying in a sleeping bag with classmates laying next to me

I feel like all you /b/tards think you're smooth and your public masterbation went unnoticed, especially the people touching themselves in cars with other people. I guarantee people knew you were jacking off, no one is that slick

File: 1492233088791.gif (1MB, 218x218px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 218x218px

>>730403297
>>i'm only 5'9"

>>730404926
There was a woman's body being examined and she had really nice tits. Figured I had like 30 mins alone with her so I had enough time to drop a load. Unfortunately didn't want to touch her in case someone noticed so just fapped to her tits. Someone came in like 2 mins after I nutted so almost got caught.

im at work right now. After reading all these ima go fap in the bathroom. Anyone wanna post some good pics real quick?

At one of my great aunts' place; grandma and i were sharing a room. i had come across a french lesbian porno that night on tv, kept thinking about it and rubbed one out while she was asleep.

>>730405500
Lol I was 15. 6'0" now.

>>730405507
She always said in life you can masterbate to me over my dead body.

>>730405507
best story in this entire thread

>>730405455
As an anon who just posted about jacking off in the back of a car, I think you're right

>>730405765
masturbate

>>730399297
Got drunk the other night and went behind my neighbor's house naked and fapped. Was scared someone saw me and i am still upset with what I did.

courthouse bathroom before my trial

FedEx truck

When i was homeless i fapped in various public restrooms. Usually libraries. I started to realize other bums were doing the same thing. Try not to shit in public

Family bathroom at a grocery store

File: IMG_4304.jpg (80KB, 600x743px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 600x743px

A church bathroom during a missions trip.

>>730399297
Filled portashitter

File: tumblr_nrwq57Zsiy1u7r7ido1_1280.jpg (707KB, 833x1200px) Image search: [Google]

707KB, 833x1200px

>>730399297

In my parents care
In a tattoo parlor
Up a tree
In a movie cinema
Next to my parents on a flight

>>730405804
There's always a few people in the morgue so the fact I was in there alone and with a 8/10 female corpse... I just couldn't pass the opportunity up.

File: nigwut.jpg (14KB, 362x466px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 362x466px

>>730401511
>ate-
what

>>730406640
That's really unironically hot, anymore stories?

File: 36c.jpg (84KB, 907x661px) Image search: [Google]

84KB, 907x661px

>>730405507
>tfw it's a rape/homicide victim and you nut on her

the toilets of a train when i was 14, it's been a week since the last fap i had because i was in vacations with my family

File: grammarnazis.jpg (15KB, 328x420px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 328x420px

>>730405988
Great job m8 you're spelling ability is off the charts

>>730403593
Can you just at least lie and say you grabbed her by the pussy while helping her up onto the monkey bars? Maybe sniffed your hands immediately afterwards? Perhaps she may have had a wet spot in the crouch area after you grabbed her implying she liked it but she didn't know?

>>730407157
If you're old enough to post on this website you're old enough to spell something you've been doing for 8 years

>>730403789
>>730407160
Please try to remember a little bit harder. Please ffs!

>Be 14 years old
>at school in class
>classroom was a portable where it wasnt physically attached to the school
>entrance was a like a hallway looking thing
>desk in the little hall is for anyone misbehaving/got in trouble
>they would have to sit there
>get sent out to desk
>get bored, teacher clearly audible because its literally aroumd the corner and anyone can just peak around
>feel horny af
>get boner
>lift boner up so it points up and almost sticking out of my underwear
>still sitting in desk
>use bottom end of desk to rub whilst applying a thrusting up motion
>keep doing this until climax
>just before i cum i sqeeze my dick to not let any jizz pour out

I was playing a risky game

> be 15
> be on a summer family trip to an anniversary of some historical event
> family leaves to do historical event shit
> i stay in the car bc autism
> get bored
> hop in the back seat
> strip down
> take off my bra
> toss it
> out the window of the car
> rub one out
> finally cum
> snap back to my senses
> incredibly sweaty and uncomfortable
> back seat is soaked
> spend another hour dehydrated
> consider drinking my own juices for survival
> family comes back
> chug some water
> drive away
> see them run over the only bra i packed

it was bad

>>730407262
You"re a god damn master debater

>>730407160
>greentext story dissapoint

So very sorry anons.

>>730407160
Dude, thats kinda fucked up

File: 3407794+_b373ea69ccb27023b336c77eb8dff94c.jpg (73KB, 617x531px) Image search: [Google]

73KB, 617x531px

>>730407262
Lol what?

File: 084.png (298KB, 600x512px) Image search: [Google]

298KB, 600x512px

>>730407262
Enlighten me as to what I've been doing for 8 years. Your post doesn't make sense

>>730407585
niceee

>>730408423
anon do you know how expensive bras are and how uncomfortable it is to not have one - especially with fat nips that are wont to poke

i would say, it is the opposite of nice

>>730402159
>tldr did hash oil ruined a date with the love of my life and jacked off in a shrub pic related

lol'd

>>730407585
Tits or gtfo

>>730403373
it's just cum you faggot, it came from your own body and it's high in protein!

>>730408806
as a grill myself- i feel ya.
but the rest of the story was niceee.

>>730401735
Onion router? I looked it up and it's some sort of anon device to keep your privacy secured online. So what do you mean by this?

>>730399297
my friends pool, grandmas couch, sisters bed

>>730403351
>so I sneaked a pic

I don't believe you. Pic or it didn't happen.

>>730399297
>be me
>be horny af in airport
>they have a bathroom with a shower stall
>too horny to fap in shower
>fap on ground
>pick up clothes
>cool down
>exit shower
>some guy comes in right away
>runforit.jpen
>i though i saw him glance back at me with disgust and confustion on his face

that the last time i fapped in an airport. Probably got an STD from doing it too.

Into a river while floating in an intertube in the middle of a group of other 15 year olds on a youth ministry float trip. No ragrets

>>730407678
Please!!! A false story will suffice.

>>730407810
Can a nigga nut?

>>730409331
also at work few times in the bathroom after seeing a hot customer

File: goat 1.png (717KB, 1175x1219px) Image search: [Google]

717KB, 1175x1219px

>>730409643
the worst part was what i fapped to.
Being the aspie that i am, i fapped to goat pussy.

>>730409795
To a story about kids? Nah dude u gay af

>>730409251
You know...Unlimited cheese pizza. It's good stuff but it's not Papa John's pizza.

>>730409945
So normie tho

>>730403639
congrats for joining the mile low club anon.

File: 1484518624940.jpg (444KB, 1280x1020px) Image search: [Google]

444KB, 1280x1020px

>13
>At funeral for father's close childhood friend
>Its a military funeral, taps, 21 guns the whole shanig
>goes on for hours, haven't yanked it since the night before
>finally we get to the reception where they serve the food and mingle
>start thinking about the porno I watched on HBO the night before while picking at my meal
>Bikini Pirates
>Buckets.jpeg
>I can't resist
>rush to the bathroom stall, unleash my tiny 14 year old jonson and beat it with the fury of a thousand suns
>clean my hand of my wasted genetic material and go back to the table

>>730408902
i'm 22 now, are you sure?

File: .......png (162KB, 606x432px) Image search: [Google]

162KB, 606x432px

>>730399297
dont really want to share this but fuck it
>be me
>13
>with my gf and her friend
>home alone for 2 days
>let that sink in for a bit
>...
>ok lets move on
>fuck around all day
>get bored
>play dare
>one them mentions sex
>long story short we decide to have sex
>needless to say we didn't know shit about sex
>be even dumber than a regular kid (all 3 of us) and remember hearing parents about sex being ''dirty'' or something
>we get naked, go into shower room, step into the shower
>we only know about masturbation
>3 geniuses in one room so we figure out sex is when you masturbate with another person with you
>all of us shy so we turn away from each other and masturbate for 20min
>this is the first time i ''had sex''
>MFW i remember this... every time...

so yeah... the worst place i have fapped in was right into a fucking shower corner with 2 naked girls ready to have sex right behind me

>Be me
>Driving to visit family
>Currently on the last/longest part of drive
>On an interstate
>MFW 10 your drive
>Was talking on the phone with fiance, having sexy phone talk
>Doesn't usually do anything for me, but I was also extremely bored
>NeedToFap.gif
>Decide I should try to drive, talk on phone, and masturbate at the same time
>Things I have going for me: interstate I was on was really flat and for the most part really straight, I also prefer to drive at night so no one around
>Things against me: I'm going 115-125
Trying to be my dad's record time for that particular drive
>Decide I'm not slowing down for anything
>Must beat his time
>Must also beat my meat
>Everything is going good
>Only almost died once but I'm good
>About to cum buckets, realize it has no where to go but either my steering wheel or floor
>Grab plastic bag
>Cum in plastic bag
>Throw it out window
>Mfw I'm pulled over about thirty minutes later by a very angry cop
"Son do you know how fast I had to go to catch up to you"
>"Not very fast I imagine, I was going the speed limit"
>Not really, I just saw him coming
>Get a fix it ticket for my license plate light and for littering
>Still beat my dad's time

>>730400420
I did this but in the girls bathroom. Now that I look back on it, it really wasn't that difficult

>>730410178
Tits are tits m8 also read this >>730410450
It's what I've been working on. Your story kinda reminded me.

Church bathroom

>>730400555
>Trips Checked

Similarly for myself, nasty ass port a Jon in camp atterbury

>>730399297
Stuck myself halfway down tube slide at a water park. (12 years old)
Hospital toilets (13 years old ish)

>>730402253
kek best reply in thread

>>730399954
Same

>be me
>last summer
>i was into robotripping
>drank a bottle almost every day
>around 12:30 midnight
>walk around sketchy part of the cats
>i see hot prostitute cheap though
>she asks if i need company
>i say i only have $5
>she says thats ok
>we walk to an ally nearby
>she is only wearing heels, fishnets, a tiny dress, and a leather jacket
>i could see her ass cheeks so i'm already rock hard
>she takes my cock out
>she says Mmmm
>she starts sucking really good
>the prostitute has a chipped tooth
>she cut the head of my cock a little bit
>i barely felt it though because she was sucking so good
>obviously she didn't finish because i only gave her five bucks
>i found an elementry school
>walked up the five-exit stairs
>found a somewhat private spot and jerked off
>but i couldn't cum because i was high on dxm
>woke up the next day and jerked off with my morning wood

>>730403228
kek

>>730410353
that's actually really cute. you should be glad you had that experience you ungrateful cunt

>>730400510
Be 12.
Pedophilia
Choose on faggot! You have to be 16 and be atracted to someone at least 6 years younger and act on it (for example fap) to be a pedo.

>>730399297
Fucked my grand parents couch

>>730399297
In the state of Kentucky

>>730399970
they knew

>>730399954
same, put my hands in my pockets and starting rubbing my head cause i was so fucking bored

also another time during swimming lessons, i put my crotch by one of the jets

i was 11ish in both cases so i didn't actually ejaculate anything out but i still felt climax/orgasm. had also just discovered masturbation, so couldn't really call it fapping as i didn't know how to do it properly

>>730399297
no where

discord for autists https://discord.gg/7ZBqx3m

>>730410450
that was a wild ride

>>730401310
smh

>>730403761
wait what? what is the ice for?

>>730399297
the first 100 or so times i masturbated was in my 3rd grade classroom. i had no idea what i was doing but it felt fucking incredible. never got caught but never told anyone either

>>730411349
I can empathize; I once fapped in Arkansas.

>be 14
>i studied piano for a really long time in a music school in my town
>i liked to practise at 9 pm, when there was no one at the school
>the feeling of being alone gave me boners
>i used to put my penis in anything that could fit my 14 year old cock
>fucked so many instruments

One time i almost got caught though, so i had to stop. sorry for shit english

>>730411025
>Still fapping to that little girl.
>I'm now 42

There. Happy?

>>730405032
Tell me more about autistic austin anon.

>>730410135
lmfaoooo

>>730410353
How could you autists not figure out how to put a dink into donk?

>>730410450
>Must beat his time
>Must also beat my meat
words to live by

>>730411140
you fucked the... couch....

>>730411613
prolly cos it's Elsa and he wanted her pussy to feel cold because ice powers etc

>>730402159
what can you sell me?

>>730411655
more stories pls!

File: lisa.jpg (11KB, 299x168px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 299x168px

>>730399297
my mom's bed
>I was like 11, and the only room in the house with a computer was my mom's
>She was off to get groceries
>I was extemely aroused for some reason
>And so I went up on the bed and did my business
>A while later, I heard the front door shut
>she was home
>ohshit.jaypeg
>click on as much spongebob videos and wikipedia articles as I could, because I didn't know how to clear history at the time so I buried it
>She comes in
>I stare awkwardly at her and dash out before she could comment on the evergrowing stench
>a month later, she gets me my own laptop
>mfw
tldr I jerked it in my mom's bed and she gave me a laptop

>>730411465
>i put my crotch by one of the jets

apex kek

>>730411664
If you don't molest anyone, yes.

File: IMG_0029.png (459KB, 421x750px) Image search: [Google]

459KB, 421x750px

>>730410605
you're lucky i was already mostly undressed.

>>730412394
Timestamp

>>730399297
Toss up.

Back seat of my parents' car while my parents were driving when i was a teenaged hormone sess pit and just couldnt go another two hours.

The bathroom of a government postal distribution center while i was in the middle of a service call because i was just crazy horny that day and needed to alleviate it.

Or most recently While driving on a highway because i was bored as fuck.

What do you think?

>>730412394
Those are some nice tatas, but I'm afraid I'll have to request a time stamp

>>730412122
When i was a kid i was horny all the time. i cringe when i think about some stuff i did
>be 12/13
>at friends house playing video games. he was 3 years younger
>For some reason, i got stuck in his mothers room with his dog
>the dog was the size of a chihuahua
>i took out my dick and made the dog give me a handjob
>it was fucked up

>people saying school bathroom

Get on my level fags. I did it in the middle of math class. Made a kleenex condom beforehand and massaged by dick through my pants until I blew my load and then went to the bathroom to flush it.

>>730412394
bet you miss having a 15 year old's perky body huh?

>>730412548
Read>>730410450

>>730412394
good shape

hotel room cups

>>730411702
lol he's just an autist that is socially awkward. He looks autistic: big, solid, underbite, dirty, country boy. I think he operates heavy machinery now lol. He would sing country songs out in class. I also remember in middle school he got caught looking at naked pregnant girls. Autistic Austin gave my friends and I some good laughs throughout school.

In front of my highschool after classes were over and I was pretty much the only one left waiting to get picked up one day.

>>730412394
>been waiting for tits in this thread
Glad it turned out. Thank you anon :)

>>730399297
I once slept in this hotel, same room as my parents.
In the middle of the night i climbed out the window onto the roof buttnaked and jacked off it standing there looking at the stars.

The autobahn is very romantic.

>>730412637
how does a dog give a handjob
do you mean he licked your peepee?

In the car driving past a girls school as they're leaving for the day...stopped at the pedestrian crossing flapping as they walk past me

>>730412913
What the fuck are you? SpiderWank?

>be 14
>be playing san andreas on ps2
>little sister walks in and wants to play it
>shes wearing literally no underwear or pants
>i let her
>sit behind her and play on my ds
>shes rolling around and shit on the floor while playing
>at one point she's sat on her knees with her ass jutted out and in my face, with her cute puffy pink innie cunt peeking through her legs
>feel so wrong but my penis was so ridiculously erect
>whip it out and start fapping
>within like two minutes i cum
>a fucking drop of it goes on her back
>she doesnt notice
>my heart is going nuts
>clean cum off floor with a tissue in my pocket while shes distracted by game
>dont even tell her about the small drop of cum on her back
>go upstairs to go to toilet and clean dick

>she ended up having cum on her back for a good two hours and never noticed

>>730412484
gimme like 15 minutes to get out of the shower! i don't want to zap myself with my shitty phone.

is a snapchat caption enough?

>be 10
>alone at cousins house
>cousin's mom's fucboi is an african so fukton of boot leg movies and porn
>cousin knows which cds are porn because they're plain white
>cousin says, "hey anon, lets jack off together with the porn on
>me having never masturbated with my own hand, used to putted a vibrating ps2 controller on clit while charging up ion blaster on destroy all humans
>"what if your mom comes home and we get in trouble?"
>"my mom won't be gone for a while, trust me"
>cousins mom is ghetto negriss who leaves kids alone for hours a day so i knew she was right
>"well i have never used my hand before... or porn"
>"what the fuck do you use then, anon?"
>tell her i use a controller
>"ew anon that is weird why do you do that?
>"do you ant to do it or not?" me now embarrassed and self-conscious
>"find me a controller and i can cum"
>we find a game cube controller i think, something but no vibration so i just twirl it around on clit while porn is playing
>look over at cousin to see if she is doing it too and she is
>look back at t.v. and try to get into it but i watch so much hentai at the time that real porn was weird
>cousin sucks in air as she cums and i get scared
>stop as soon as she does but didn't cum
>quicky take dvd out and put it back and awkwardly go on about my day
>"why didn't you cum, anon?"
>"i don't know, i just didn't.. just happens sometimes..
>never speak of it again.

>>730413092
no. i grabed his hands and gave myself a handjob with his paws

>>730408963
>it came from your own body
so does shit
>defending someone who ate their fucking cum
>calls the other person gay

>>730413176
Nahhhh just give me your snapchat and send it through that

>>730413268
but what if his claws got in the way!!
that sounds very uncomfy for both of you

>>730401511
lol nice

Texas

>>730413431
nice post dude

>>730413160
Nah, the window was just over the roofline slope so it was easy.

Spiderwank would make an awesome superhero though.
Same powers as spiderman, but shoots webs out of his dickhole instead, so he has a cleavagecutout in his loins.
Then the grey haired yelling man from the newspaper keeps having to look for pictures of him and goes all I KNOW THAT DICK,
I SAW IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT JUST OFF THE AUTOBAHN.

>>730413370
He was definitely uncomfortable.

>>730413173
>she ended up having cum on her back for a good two hours and never noticed
and when she did?

>>730413639
she didnt. it dried up

>>730399297
asylum

>>730413189
Are you a light skinned black girl?
Tell a more modern fap story. And are you hot? Tell me your hot. I want you to be hot.

I loves destroy all humans. And the second one. Not the weird ass ones after that tho

>>730413431
You're a crazy motherfucker

>>730400450
Frost the shit next time and dont flush

>>730413189
Tits or gtfo

>>730413189
>When girls say they're jacking off rather than masturbating.
THATS A MAN THING. MAN. YOU FLICK THE BEAN. THIS IS WHAT WE ARE AND THATS WHAT YOU ARE.

>>730413367
Same.

File: 1491903268997.jpg (342KB, 1828x3250px) Image search: [Google]

342KB, 1828x3250px

>>730405685

>>730404591
Never been on a deployment personally but according to the older staffs and techs it Makes being a F-16 crew chief slightly more bearable during deployments.

>>730413801
hahahaha i am a light skinned girl but nowadays i just spray the orgasm out with a shower jet.. i still don't finger myself.. i mean i have before but it's just not really my thing.. but now i have been trying to stop doing it all together.

>>730413498
HAHAHA
P sure there's a porno like that but if there isn't, I'm making that shit.

>SpiderWank, SpiderWank, wanks to whatever he fucking wants. A pole, a cat? A car, a log. He'll wank until the job is done. Look ooooout, here comes SpiderWank.

>>730414272
Hot. Do you enjoy head? Or do you usually only like vibrating things?

>>730399297
Computer lab back in high school

File: tumblr_mhnhidFkoy1qh70jeo1_1280.jpg (324KB, 1280x853px) Image search: [Google]

324KB, 1280x853px

>>730414639

>>730413921
naahh bro if you're jackin it, you're jackin it..
you don't "flick" the bean, you twirl it, silly...

>>730403455
Yeah, the Marines aren't cool enough to have Bradleys, man.

And I second y'alls short deployments. My spouse showed up to work one day to find a coworker crying her eyes out about her AF hubby getting orders for a 6 month deployment.

I was in the middle of a 14 month deployment at the time.

>>730406183
Why were you homeless?

File: 20170411_001332.jpg (26KB, 194x174px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 194x174px

>>730405032
>12
>5th grade

>>730414773
Because he's a filthy bum. Duh?

>>730414522
the guy who i live with doesn't always brush his teeth so i don't let him do it anymore hahahaha... can't really cum when you're thinking about plaque and bacteria slipping into your lady parts... the mouth is the dirtiest part of the human body... on some cartman shit. he won't let me get a vibrator or anything so i just don't do anything anymore.

File: IMG_0031.jpg (68KB, 640x1136px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 640x1136px

here you go, you fucking nerds, fresh out of the shower

i hope you all believe my story of almost dying of dehydration because i had more puberty hormones than impulse control now

>>730415056
He "won't let you?"

Either you're an awesome sub, or a weak excuse for a human.

>>730399297
in the water at public beaches.
in school, during class, laying under tables
in my bedroom quitely fapping to pics of my sister in law while my wife is in the next room and the door is open and its easter.
fapping while the wife is in the room in general.
in broad daylight under oversized hoodies or a trenchcoat i had, on colder days so no one would find it odd my arms were in my sleeves.

>>730415169
Not that I didn't believe you, just wanted to see some tits.

Also, nice landing strip. Pretty hot.

>>730414374
>here cums the spiderwank

*ftfy

>>730415056
Drop your Kik. I'm booting his ass out da house. You my bitch now.

>>730415174
what do you mean? weak excuse for wanting to respect my sexual partners wants i suppose.. yeah maybe i am weak for now but i have been having more of a backbone recently.. too many people take advantage of you when you're nice.

>>730415169
You look like trailer trash.

>>730415169
Show tits

>>730415551
i don't have any social media accounts, what do you think i do, showcase my body for anyone to see for anyone's entertainment like it's some kind of cat video? That's not how the biological exchange works...

>>730415397
Ty.
Let's make this show happened.

>>730399297
In the back of a police car

>>730415760
Are you a fucking sex slave?

>>730415875
storytime

File: Please sir.jpg (31KB, 617x420px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 617x420px

In your Cheerios this morning.

Not sorry.

>>730415938
hell no but i would make a damn good one.

>>730415675
it's the ink isnt it. i'd post my tramp stamp of kenny chesney saying "she thinks my tractor is sexy" but im already in bed and i also dont have one of those

>>730412689
can't say i do. being able to post my own tits without legal repercussions is pretty cool.

>>730401548
Same. A few times. Best was in Arizona being a follow car.
Crossing over in to Minnesota from Wisconsin. Was going about 80.

Also walking down an alley was about 13 or 14. Porta potty at work in the winter.
Friends bathroom. More proly but don't remember right now

>>730416100
Kinda chunky too. And I just get that vibe. And you're on /b/ so I know you're not classy by any means.

File: IMG_20170424_002121_565.jpg (66KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

66KB, 480x480px

>>730415993
Be 13

Caught smoking weed at this water fall with my friends

Friends bail i get caught
Get angry

Fap and cum all over the back seat

Cop doesnt notice until we get to the station

Fucker pulls me out of the car and throws me on the ground and takes me inside

Calls my parents and they never thought of me the same since...

File: maxresdefault (1).jpg (68KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 1920x1080px

>>730416037
You're of no use to me anymore. You're just some slut with a boyfriend. Be gone now. Shoo.

https://youtu.be/I0PkEeWzKGQ

>>730416344
I get the vibe you are a skinny asian kid with a 2 and a half inch penis.

>>730409892
>aspie
fucking furry

>>730399297

Jail cell.

Told my celly to roll over and not look.
He was a bit anxious.
All smiles tho, after I told him I wasn't thinking about him.

>>730416692
>Mad cause I called her chunky.

Women are funny. Lol

>>730416840
Definitely wasnt her you chode. I like how you talk about women as if they are some case study you havent had much experience with faggot.

>>730416773
were you though?

>>730416566
hahahahaha as if you know anything about me...
i bet you're just some basement dwelling, fat dipass who would never have a chance with any girl you fap to every night.
at least this slut has a beautiful ukranian girlfriend who you will never experience the luxury of feeling her pussy. or mine. Now begone, weak man, us sluts bring you drooling men to your knees. continue fapping your dick to pussy you'll never smell while i can touch nd pinch my tits and wet sweet tight pussy all i want. hope this jumpstarted your nightly lonely erection at least. ;)

More than once during the Pokemon go craze I would go out at 5 in the morning as the sun comes up, since it would get over 100 degrees mid day. There would be people out and about but not too many.

I'd just stroll over to the local elementary school and beat my fuck just for the rush of being in public, maybe getting caught with how exploratory people were.

God what a rush.

grandpa's bed
with some iggy azalea videoclips

>>730417027
bait

>>730415169
8/10 would ask for nudes again

>>730399297
I was a outsource worker that was working at a Bosch plant for about 4 months. We were hired to do work that was either too menial for their workers or it was quality control they couldn't trust their workers to do without hiding shit. The station I was at spit parts out so slow to the point that I could have 1-2 hours of nothing to do, combined with it being 3rd shift and nobody giving a fuck I would just wander around the warehouse after a while and eventually I would just go into the bathroom stalls and jack off to girls on Facebook.

I fucking hated that job.

12 y/o in class. I was rubbing my pencil on my dick but I was too young to ejaculate. Felt good.

13 y/o I let my dog lick my dick until I came. Now whenever I'm undressing he just stares at me weird.

14 y/o in hot tub/ sauna, I put my dick on the jet and my dad walked in and almost caught me

16 in the shower. I bought a sockem bopper punching glove. Which is baisically a blow up punching glove, I put hair conditioner in it and pumped away. One of the best nuts of my life

>>730406183
>I started to realize other bums were doing the same thing

h-how did you come to this conclusion?

>>730417055
Someone is fucking psycho. You were waiting to type that shit, weren't you? Prolly had that pre-saved. Kek

>>730417027
Then the whitest knights of them all appears.

>>730399777
Checked bb

File: IMG_9275.jpg (2MB, 4474x2982px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 4474x2982px

>>730417733
peek-a-boo, we see you~~

Prime example of a good thread gone to hell. GG

>>730401169
kek

>>730418116
Very "meh" worthy. I give even less of a shit now.

>>730418211
The bitches coming in here and making it about them? Yeah dude. Shit sucks.

File: 2141642-L.jpg (40KB, 550x367px) Image search: [Google]

40KB, 550x367px

In a tractor while I was raking hay (pic related)

>>730402102
Moses?

>>730399297
Worked at McDonalds, closing shift. Everyone left, fapped into the deep fat fryer

In my grandma's trailer home the day she died

>>730410908
This is one of the fakest stories ive seen on b

File: IMG_0739.jpg (134KB, 578x789px) Image search: [Google]

134KB, 578x789px

Had a friend who had the urge to splurge at his grandmothers funeral parlor

>>730418705
I was really enjoying this thread to lol, had fucking potential

>>730399297
>fap in church basement
>gf just got done with choir practice
>text her that I'm fapping downstairs
>she comes down
>"catches me"
>do a bit of roleplay
>She fucks me in the downstairs piano room
>Hear people come down stairs
>she pretends she's teaching me piano
Best lesson I've ever had.

File: Nova-Instyler-Nh-1100-Hair-Straightener-Review-and-Specifications.jpg (91KB, 1100x893px) Image search: [Google]

91KB, 1100x893px

on my exes hair straightening thing then turned on. pretty sure it ruined it. did this after our break up, before the moving out. pic related, looked similar $600 gift from her parents.

My son's school bathroom

>>730419093
so... did you leave it in there til the next day where you served up some MmCummies fries?

>be young adult
>at grandma's
>feel Strange urge
>"I have to fap right now"
>run upstairs
>sit directly in front of lotion
>smells of grandma
>too late already half way into ritual
>begin bone dry slapping and smacking sounds
>fairly certain my family is now silent
>no time for sound have to finish task at hand
>everything is over
>parents and relatives are drinking coffee downstairs
>full of regret
>head home in the most silent car ride ever
>Never fap at grandma's again
>still can't forget the smell that was lingering upstairs
>the old television is now in the kitchen in the house I live in
>never eat dinner comfortably again

Thank God I'm older now

File: 551458458.jpg (107KB, 746x743px) Image search: [Google]

107KB, 746x743px

>>730399297

My worst place? A wood pulp facility I thought was abandoned but really wasn't... was 15, went behind some buildings, stripped down ass naked, fapped, then left. I left a few mins before a cop showed up since the place still was actuall in business, I probably tripped a silent alarm

>>730399297
The White House. Though that's more neat than worse.

>>730399297
Under the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Multiple times

>>730421275
Story?

>>730409251
It means it's past your bedtime.

>>730399297
8th grade science class

>>730399297
>be me
>middle school
>in band class
>some girl in front of me had her panties showing
>pink with brown hearts (kinda funny that they're brown tbh)
>pulled up my zipper and stroked my dicker

I would lick your butt

Highschool during summer when I would sleep at my friends he would sleep until noon. His mom would go to work around 7 and I would wake up and climb into her bed with some of her panties

my cousins shower

>>730407262
https://www.reddit.com
Have fun kid

>>730407262
>implying you start masturbating at 10

>>730399297
A nearly abandoned hospital.

In a dark, kind of dirty stairwell at work.

>>730401511
So do I win this thread or

>>730424606
nah i think borderline necro dude took the cake

>>730424744
Fuck didn't see that one. I take my last post back

>>730411465
Holy shit. I did that when I was 11 as well.

>>730399297
Trick question. There are no bad places to fap.

File: Sonntagoo.gif (1MB, 498x259px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 498x259px

>>730401511
>masturbating by myself in public gym saunas
>to the bears
>I came into my hand and ate it.
>"teenage hormones struck"

File: 1375453942458.jpg (20KB, 640x352px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 640x352px

>>730402159
>Get grounded and sent to a group home when I get back
>sent to a group home

No one even gonna touch that can of beans?

>>730425822
in my defen----
fuck it, no point in defending 16 year old me

>>730399297
In the hospital before getting an x ray

>>730399297
Sooo many places OP
>aeroplanes at least 4 times
>caffe bathrooms dozens of times
>In the car under a blanket with my family all around me twice
>all the time while my family always home
>fapped once in my friends garage while over at his place
>while hiking I told the group I had to stop and shit but I just ran into the bush and fapped
>dozens of times in hotels with parents next door, not even late at night either
>public cubicals with people waiting on me outside
>and finally, at school in the cubicals probably half a dozen times