How about an escalating boasts thread? works like this; - Anon1:

I farted so loud i woke my sleeping roomate.

>>729965423
I farted so loud I woke my sleeping roommate...FROM ACROSS THE HALL!

>>729965484
I farted so loud it shook a cup of coffee right out of my roomate's hand

>>729965595
I farted so loud, I shook my roommate off his chair

>>729965802
I farted so loud, i gave my roomate a concussion

>>729965802
I farted so loud, I gave my roommate tinnitus.

>>729966028
>>729965923

I farted so loud it cracked the foundation of the building my roomate and i live in

>>729966028
I farted so loud, my roommate's eardrums burst. Now he's permanently deaf.

Everything dies

I farted so loud, the shockwave circled the Earth three times and moved it on its axis about ten centimeters.

>>729966224
i farted so loud it tore the fabric of spacetime

i farted so loud my roommate became ginger and lost his soul

>>729966379
well shit

I can land a basketball in a hoop from six metres away!

>>729966544
i can land a basketball from two courts away

>>729966774
I can sink a hoop from a suburb away

>>729966816
i can sink a battleship in two turns from three counties away

i can'T BREATH I CAN'T BREATH

>>729965109
I farted so loud I woke MYSELF up

>>729966887
i can sink six aircraft carriers from the other side of the world

>>729967015
i can make a fucking crater in china from the dark side of the moon

>>729967367
I can moon an entire batallion in north korea from the deck of an aircraft carrier stationed on neptune

>>729967479
i can supernova the sun from a galaxy away with a teaspoon and a quail egg

>>729967665
I can fart a big bang that'll start a whole new universe while riding a horse in kentucky on a sunday afternoon

>>729967665
i can cause a black hole to occur from the furthest edge of the observable universe

>>729967749
holy fucking shit boi

>why sunday

i can eat a whole wedding cake in a minute on my own

I can spark a whole new infinity of realities separate and different from our infinite number of realities from my room with a rubber band and a white T-shirt with tomato stains.

>>729967889
i can eat all of the guests at a wedding on my own in a matter of seconds

>>729967889
I can eat an entire wedding in about 30 seconds!

>>729967965
I can eat myself, shit myself out, and then fuck all the guests at three weddings in one second

>>729968154
i can eat myself in multiple different realities at once while simultaneously fucking the unborn offspring of the offspring of wedding guests

i can go to the store and get 8/10 of the things i planed on getting

I can play the guitar so well it makes people cry.

>>729968570
i can play the guitar so well it would make the guitar cry

>>729968531
i can go to the store and get 13/10 of the things i planned on getting!

>>729968531
I can go to the store and get 8/10 of the things I planned on getting AND a half gallon of ice cream.

>>729968531
I can go to the store and get 8/10 things I planned on getting and end up buying something I don't want or need

>>729968686
i can go to the store and get all of the things i planned on ever getting

My shits are so clean I don't need to wipe my ass.

>>729968909
My shits are so clean that other people don't need to wipe their asses.

>>729969175
My shits are so clean that the world becomes a better place whenever I pinch a loaf.

>>729969175
my shits are so clean that they are very clean and yours cannot be cleaner than mine since mine are the cleanest.

I shit food, and every time I cross something off the shopping list.

>>729969175
My shits are so clean I shit in someone's mouth and improve their breath

>>729969331
My body is so efficient I don't even shit

>>729969245
My shIts are so clean human beings flock to my house after i take a shit, they stand outside in awe and beg me to show them my shit
I show it to them an usually they eat it, it's so clean it makes you wanna eat it

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>>729965109
I can bring liberation to you and the working class

>>729969331
is this the new 'Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?'

>>729965109
I had an anal orgasm so good it made my roommate start anal masturbation, it was that good. So good it motivates others

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>>729969598
i can bring liberation, freedom and communism to you and the lower class for a low low price of 60 million corpses

i can't even right now someone screencap

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>>729969657
Shame on your horse shit

>>729969495
my body is so efficient that i dont need to eat

>>729969598
You got me there

>>729969767
i can liberate your dead ancestors and bring communism to the afterlife

>>729969812
my body is so efficient i don't need to breathe

>>729969888
trips speak the truth

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>>729969888
fuck forgot my picture

>>729969888
i can liberate the americans

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>>729969940
WHAT DID YOU SAY

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>>729969767
ill bring 10/10 chix to the party. bro

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>>729969940
I suck mike pence cock

I have many, many special abilities

i can do this cool trick and bend my thumb back really far

>>729969893
my body is so efficient that its much more efficient than yours will ever be in any conceivable way

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>>729970075
They're great special abilities.

>>729970075
i have many many special abilities, one of which is the ability to be producing cotton balls out of my dickhole every six days

>>729970122
i dont even need a body

>>729970162
i don't even need a soul

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>>729970075
i have far more special abilites. much more than anyone could possibly ever have.

>but i have them

>>729966211
/thread

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>>729970134
I can build a wall to keep out the mexicans, and get them to pay for it!

>>729970175
you win this round

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>>729970162
I'm about to kill myself /thread

>>729970175
you loose this round. and the war

>>729970162
my body gets hot babe$

i can suck my own dick

>>729970341
My body gets hot dick

This thread is pure fucking gold


>I've done almost every drug there is

>>729965109
I invented Chuck Norris.

>>729970405
i've done every drug there is!

>>729970416
I raped old charles

>>729970405
> and i, every drug there will be

>>729970441
i havent done any drug ever.

>>729970388
>L

my body gets anime babes to come out and be real life babes.
>suck it faggets i win

>>729970488
I've never done drugs that don't even exist!

>>729970405
Drugs do me to get high

>>729970370
i can suck BOTH of my dicks!

>>729970441
I've done every food, drink, and drug there is

>>729970576
i dont even know what drugs are!!!

>>729970445
Who is Old Charles??

>>729970616
who is drugs?

>>729970619
My bitch chuck norris and I came in his mouth

>>729970619
No. WHY is Old Charles?

>>729970616
I don't even know what isn't drugs.

>>729970605
ive done all those but in every conceivable dimension,space and time possible.

>>729970698
Chuck Norris never "comes".

He has already been.

>>729970720
what isnt what is ?!

>>729970780
ive already done.

>>729970737
Fuck. Alright...

I wrote all of Shakespeare's plays.

>>729965109
One time, at band camp... I stuck my pussy in a flute.

>>729970816
i am the great composer known as beethoven.

>>729970816
I wrote all of shakespeare's plays, as well as all of his sonnetts.

>>729970892
i am shakesphere

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I am all that has ever been or will be
Pit bull puppy play pool

>>729970905
I am Francis Bacon.

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>>729970910
i am cute
>er

>>729970945
i am bacon.

>>729970905
I am shakesphere, who little known fact was the second coming of christ

>>729970945
I am chef boyardee

>>729970999
trips speak le trutttttth

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>>729970958
You're a bigger bitch than my bitch

>>729971003
I am the incarnation of Ravioli Messiah.

>>729970999
I am shakesphere, who little known fact was the second coming of christ, and i have a really big penis

>>729970999
i am everyone who has ever been and wil ever be forever in all forms of existing and not existing for ever and never

>>729971094
I am the original coming of Chris, with an even bigger penis.

>>729971094
I am shakesphere, who little known fact was the second coming of christ, and i have a really big penis that spewed forth life itself to create the entire universe and everything in it.

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i got SINGLES

>>729971102
I am the cybernetic artificial intelligence overlord of everyone who has ever been and who shall ever be.

>>729971166
THE COCK LIES

>>729971143
I am the THIRD coming of christ, also known as "Mr. President", i also have the most fantastic penis

>>729971166
Ironic

>>729971190
Dubs are truth you dumb faggot

>>729971043
Your bitch is such a bitch she is bitching over other bitches bitching

>>729971238
okay but what about your hands?

ladies love a man with nice big hands

>>729971276
>He got dubs
>All dubs are truth
>Truth is he is singles
>paradox alert

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>>729971280
How dare you!

>>729971176

>i can orgasm

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fine I GOT FUCKING DUBS

>>729971372
Fag alert

>>729971400
huge fag warning incoming ! take shelter stock up on food! he litterally cant stop govbling cocks!

>>729971400
>Wipe the pizza grease off your screen, I think it's getting too reflective.

>>729971380
I can simulate an orgasm twice as good as a real one.

>>729970270
Stop it, get some help.

i can cum with no hands

i >>729971508
here we observe the mega hoe. Many of a kind, can be spotted only with the most cautious of observations

>>729971508
>my orgasm is real.
>i can make music
>emotions
> i have a soul

>>729971166
Logical impossibility. Dubs speak truth, yet what you spoke of is a lie.

>>729971588
I can cum without genitals

>>729971637
i can cum with my mind

>>729971588
I can cum with no dick

This WAS a fucking good thread op cheers I woke up in the middle of the night goodnight again anons

>>729971637
I can cum without existing.

>>729971677
I can cum without a physical body

>>729971677
I can cum without existing.

>>729971721
I can exist without existing

>>729971721
I can cum inside or your mom

I can shove fifty entire pizzas up my rectum. This is not a joke. I can shove so many goddamn pizzas up my asshole that it is bursting with hot, spicy pizza cheese. I love the smell of my testicles in the morning, but I love the more after I have dipped them in pizza and diarrhoea. You may call me wrong, but I call myself a hero. A hero for showing my true colours by shoving hot greasy cheese up my fragile virgin boypussy.

jesus christ. this thread turned into a pile of shit.

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can cum out of spacial nothingness. >>729971764

>>729971721
I can cum without ever existing in any universe ever

>>729971807
i can ruin a thread faster

>>729971820
i am the being known as orgasm .

>>729971772
Well I can't so there

>>729971885
i can make the thread better.

>>729971885
I could ruin it even faster if I had CP

>>729971772
spotted the autist.

get help soon anon.

>>729971885
I can ruin a board faster

>>729971772
>tfw cant beat nuclear autism

>>729972021
i can ruin a chan faster

>>729972021
I can ruin the interwebs faster

>>729971926
i have made the thread better

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>>729972088
I've made humanity better

>>729972086
I can ruin the interwebs and any machine connected to it faster

>>729972200
your one of those people we say
>get help
to

>>729972247
i can plunge us into the dark age

>>729972295
I can take us back in time to the original Dark Ages.

>>729972200
in a thread where anyone can be better than someone. you choose to be you.
congrats anon you faggot.

so if there is a screen cap, someone post that shit

>>729972357
I can take us back before time even existed !

>>729972828

I can take us foward in time to before it existed.

>>729973192
I can take time back/forward to the conception of time, which is when I impregnate time and time gives birth to itself. And also I have a big dick.

>>729973490
I AM time and I have an even bigger dick.

i can clear a room just by entering it

>>729973740
I am the room

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>>729971690
OP here, glad to see you like this shitfest I spawned...

>>729973790
im OP

>>729973790
>>729973947
Guys I'm the fucking OP

>>729974017
what the fuck i am OP, gtfo

>>729974017
fuck you guys im OP

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>>729973947
>>729974017
>>729974076
>>729974085
KYS ALL OF YOU, I AM FUCKING OP REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

No joke.
My boy dog farted loudly enough that it scared him awake and he started barking at it. It woke his sister up and she proceeded to wedge her nose under my arm to get away.

>>729974669
i am the fart

this thread is slowing down
i am real OP
gudbai 4 2nite

>>729970075
I've been told that my special abilities are the most special and that arguably I have too many of them.

>>729974935
i have more than you. far more than you or any other being to ever exist ever in any dimension or spacial time.
far too many for anyone even myself.

>but i have them and are of infinitely better quality than all

>>729974669
I one time farted so loud it woke my friend out of deep REM about a good 10 feet away on another bed..

i have had sex

>>729975094
Mine are infinite. Plus one.

>>729973790
I'm the OP of 5 threads, including this one, and I'm absolutelty ecstatic to see the ocean of feces that this thread has spawned.

>>729975359
I have had sex several times.

>>729975359
I have had sex without a condom, once.

>>729975381
mine are better and more pleasent.

they get me
chicks bro

>>729975454
I'm Anonymous, the only OP that was not a filthy tripfag, and have Originally Posted in at least 7% of all threads ever posted on 4chan. And my feels in relation to this thread will be summed up in the next porn video I watch, Teens 2, which may or may not be, but probably is, legit.

>>729975601
i have an std

>>729975711
Mine get me chicks and ducklings with infinite-plus-one powers on toast!

>>729975777
I have every STD in existence

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I have the best Pepes

>>729975900
and dubz.

jeluz fagots?

>>729975804
mine get me irl virgin qtpis and anime babes come to life for me. plus infinity plus 1 on top of infinity x 2

>>729976174
My special powers that are so special that nobody's are more special then them are so special that they get me all SORTS of qts that then get such special powers that I can spread all my special powers all over the world so that everyone gets a special power more special than mine
And that's not special cos they're infinite so they make everyone else's so special that mine can't ever be more special than theirs and also everyone gets qts that are special


...precious

>>729976687
And also participation awards

>>729976687
i have more than that. and they are better.

also my mom thinks im cool

>>729976898
Th-thanks mom

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>>729973790
lol why are you impersonating me? real op here guys, i sucked a dick today

>>729965923
I farted so loud america blamed north Korea and now we're all gonna died.

>>729968668
I can play Leyenda so good that it killed Isaac Albeniz - in the face.

>>729966966
I farted so loud I woke up the Skeletons in a graveyard.

>>729969509
My shits are so clean that I sell them as buoyancy aids for fleeing Syrian refugees.