anon, what's the best advice you've ever received/heard ?

"Get a job you lazy ass bitch niglet"
my uncle

You can't force something that should be natural

Life is like Tetris: Your success disappears and your failures accumulate.

>>729934035
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

>>729934035
"kys faggot"
some random /b/tard said that, I wish I had followed through

Never cum in a girl's eyes like that sweetie - Mom

You get in more trouble when you lie

>>729934396
you are the reason this >>729934300 is relevant

>>729934185
>>729934185
I hope he's ghetto black

>>729934035
Never go to bed angry.
been married for 15 years now. wife and i take turns apologizing before bed time, regardless of who is right or wrong then we take another stab at it a day or two later, usually with good results.
oh, and it usually leads to great sex.

>>729934512
Haha...yeah man i was just fuckin around... wassup?

>>729934035
Live is shorter than you think

>>729934035
Not everything shiny is gold

>>729934035

Never waste a boner. - Grandpa

Story time

Dad is a natural runner, as am (I got all his good genes). Turkey trot was coming up, so his brother (not a natural runner), started training hard as fuck to finish a 6k. He started talking shit, so my dad entered the race last minute. They both kept the same pace throughout, but come the last two miles, my uncle started sprinting. My dad, having not trained at all for this race, still outran the fuck out of him and beat him. He went on to tell me that it disheartened my uncle, who never ran in any races again.

When I asked my dad why he didn't let my uncle win, knowing it meant a lot to him, he gave me the best advice he's ever given me:

Mother fuckers gotta learn.

Coloured people are gross - Grandma

Have the strength to never start a fight, but if someone else starts, fuck em up for life - Grandpa

>>729934035
My Mom once gave me that good advice. She one day sat down and looked ne deep in the eyes. Then she said "anon, there is just one thing you need to know, ... OP is a faggot".

You can only give so many fucks

>>729934035
"We only call'em queers and faggots in this house" -grandma

>>729934938
Your dad is an asshole.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVlG9W1eUio

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That taxes should be forced on items you buy and not what you make.

'Stay away from that arab dude'
My mom

Don't be a dummy, cum on her tummy.

>>729935150
Then everyone buys in China and everyone gets homeless

>>729934035
I can't remember the exact phrase or span of time, but I thoroughly enjoy nihilism. From that, I've taken in some of the best advice, mostly revolving around the insignificance of self and ego. It's not like a light switch, I didn't just suddenly not care, but over the course of years, decades I've lived since finding nihilism, I just feel hollow, and incapable of concern. It's bittersweet really, but mostly sweet.

>>729934035
Snakes will not flee just because you yell loudly at them.

Wish I had heeded this advice. Would have made my life a lot easier.

>>729934035
Break the wrist and walk away

>>729935337
Next time confuse them by Dancing naked around them

>>729935284
that makes no sense.

>>729934974
Weed gone bad. Am i a machine ?

fuck bitches, get money.

dont smoke crack.

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Do your math homework&I thought 4chan died.

http://mysexywrestlingdivas.freeforums.net/

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>>729934665
fag

>>729934035
never trust a drug addict

"Don't waste your time or energy worrying about shit that you can't change"

>>729934035
'Harder' and 'faster' make terrible safe words.

If you get it in her hair, she'll be upset. If you get it in her eyes, she'll be very upset.

Never pick a fight an ugly guy. He has nothing to lose.

>>729934035
>anon, what's the best advice you've ever received/heard ?

1. Don't get married

2. You need to work for yourself if you want to make any real money

3. You reap only what you sow

Very solid advice.

>>729934406
This gets worse the older you get.

>>729934035
"Kill yourself"

>>729934035
>don't sleep with your friends
>don't do business with family
>don't stick your dick in crazy
>don't be mean to anyone
>don't loan your friends money
>don't piss off the secretary
>don't piss off the maintenance man
>don't rent, buy
>don't fall in love with a stripper
>don't eat when you're not hungry
>don't let your things own you
>don't work for free

>>729934035
"Kill yourself".

>>729934938
I hope your dad never runs again

R

>>729934035
Yeah I'm gonna need sauce

>>729935942
never go with a hippie to a second location

>>729934035
"That's your problem. You think people owe you something for being nice. They don't. All you're communicating to others is that it's okay to step over you. I'm not saying to go out of your way to be a massive asshole, but you should look out for yourself first and foremost; nobody else will."

Almost word for word. Changed my life.

>>729934938
I'm upset I read that whole paragraph for that shitty conclusion... that's not funny or good advice

In a universe this big nothing in it matters so don't waste your time trying to get fame or try too hard to become popular, just do what makes you feel like your life will be worth while because life is short. You get one shot so don't fuck it up

>>729934035
1. The majority of people never mature beyond the level of a teenager

2. if you're not drunk by ten you're not trying

3. They are big girls, stop overthinking things for them.

4. Happiness is a choice.

If there's grass on the field, play ball. If there's no grass, roll over and play in the mud.

>>729934938
Great man. I hope that story is true.

If you can't be confident, act confident.

>>729934035
"Don't give a fuck until it's your turn."
-The Bunk

>>729936589
I like that.

>>729936594
Well said. Kind of like my two rules of life?
1.) Don't sweat the small stuff.
2.) It's all small stuff.

>>729936852
Same, I read that one twice and actually thought about it and how it could apply to my life

>"Never put your fingers anywhere you wouldn't put your dick"
Friend fucked his hand moving a couch, step dad called him queer

>>729936440
All your advices are quotes from tv shows or movies.
Where were your dad and mom throughout your childhood, anon?

>>729934665
I want to punch you in your mouth so badly right now

>>729934035

DO IT

>>729936911
>911
>911

Don't abandon what you can't replace

Best one is
You can shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which gets filled first.

The only thing you have to do in life is desite what you want to do whit the little time you have

>>729934035
Expect the best
Prepare for the worst
Fuck what other people think of you
Do your own thing.

>>729934253
GOLD

>>729936605
That's why I dig up fresh graves and takes those sweet ladies home and love their legs. I touch their mouths.

Ten two-letter words:
"If it is to be, it is up to me."

>>729936979
When people try to shake your hand, do you whip out your dick instead?

My mom's words of wisdom, don't rely on anyone else because they will fuck you over, don't rely on yourself because you'll just fuck stuff up too

Sometimes, you can find loose change beneath the custions on couches.

>>729934035
Random quote from Maya Angelou always stuck with me and I tend to live by it:

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

If you can't be good, then just do something good

Always have confidence in yourself. If you dont believe in yourself, who will?

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>>729934035
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

>>729938081
That's why I change the fact that bodies are buried by digging them up, so I can rub their legs

take a typing class

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>>729938081
>Maya Angelou

>>729934238

This term is racist/sexist/homophobic!!!!!!!!

>>729934035
If you want a chick to DT but she struggles, tell her to smile while she tries.

>>729934035
"Don't eat the yellow snow."

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>>729934689

Bothered me a bit.

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>>729934665

>>729934035
Sauce?

(if you have or plan on having kids)

The tighter the leash, the further they run when it snaps.

>>729934035

"never have kids"

>>729938471
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.

>>729936589
What school do you go to, and when should we check the news?

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>>729934848
i too was raped by my grandpa

Make America great again

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>>729934665
this is the most reddit reply ive seen

>>729934035
Don't mix business and pleasure.
I did that and lost my friends and my business.

Don't go out to TRY and get laid, do awesome stuff that gets you laid.

>>729934938
>Story time
Thanks for letting me know up front that you're a huge faggot so I didn't waste my time reading whatever faggy shit you said

>>729938660
I have 3 abortions and I'm so glad, I'm thankful for them everyday

Easier to apologise than to ask permission, especially with sex.

>>729937042

This describes the feeling of every single person that reads his wholesome comment. If his wife read it, I'm sure she'd think the same thing.

>>729938819
Level 31 wizard here. I've realized that the "don't try to find love, love will find you" is complete bullshit.

>>729934035

When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

I've only realized how great that advice is by looking back on when I should have stopped digging. It can be applied to drugs, sex, workplace disputes, debt accumulation, and even deferred maintenance.

>>729935132
>>729936483
>>729936594
you fuckers were probably happy to get your participation medals in grade school, faggots.

>>729936699
yep, you need to earn what you get

If theres grass on the field, play ball

>>729939061
dont feel sorry for yourself, even if you have to sell your virginity, get laid. a 31 year old that doesnt know how to fuck isnt attractive,

Its never too late for a gym membership
>you will also be more attractive and it will give you self confidence

stop drinking soda
>goes hand in hand with the first one, will help with weight managaement if you do happen to drink a lot of soda, and that shit fucks you up, son. dont drink anything other than water or black coffee if you do

seems simple but you can find your own way.

>>729935942

I fell for this once and I trusted him based on him being a "recovering" drug addict, so I figured he must have some morals.

Lesson learned because he ripped me off.

>>729938853
as in you dont have kids? or are you calling your kids the abortions?

>>729934938
>Mother fuckers gotta learn
learn what?

>>729934035
Don't take life so seriously, you'll never get out alive.

>>729936204

How many times did a slut pretend to love you?

The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, it's greener where you water it.

>>729936440
>>don't work for free

I disagree. I worked for free just to stay busy by volunteering at the local VA Hospital. I never thought I would even want to work there.

Well fast forward 5 years later and I'm applying there. My reference there helped me get the job.

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"The people around you does'nt give a fuck about you problems because they have their own shit to deal. You should do the same thing"

Dress like you're going to meet the love of your life every day.

I'm a grad student, and it's easy to not care about my appearance. But how you take care of your appearance matters, and other people notice. I'm not successful enough to get away with a sloppy appearance, and I might run into people I want to impress any time I leave the apartment (it's a small college town). The same advice applies in big cities, when I worked at a software company most of the guys didn't care how they looked. But if you dress sharp, people think you're sharp.

>>729939300
And if there isn't than play in the dirt

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>>729939202

I was happy about my participation medals until you told me about the one your uncle got.

>>729939061
Somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that!

>>729939320
>a 31 year old that doesnt know how to fuck isnt attractive
Believe me, I'm well aware of that.

Never really had a thing for soda, but I do drink coffee like it's water.

>>729934665
I don't know how great the sex is between you and your hand puppets but okay sure. You win, alone...

>>729938632
Your mom

>soon you're gonna be on your death bed and you're gonna wish you spoke to every pretty girl you saw

grandpa from Little Miss Sunshine:
" Listen to me, I got no reason to lie to you, don't make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lotta women kid, not just one woman, a lotta women. "

>>729939389

To tell a relevant story (without sprinkling in useless information) that has an actual conclusion.

>>729939632
Nah, I never stopped being me. I've always been me, and that's the problem. I don't blame anyone but myself for how much of a loser I am.

>>729934035
just do it

>>729939638
If you can handle it, start drinking black coffee. the lack of sugars in milk / cream / sugar will help with weight as well. you're 31 and a virgin, not to beat a dead horse but you have plenty of time to work on yourself assuming your only obligation is to work. Don't be so damned hard on yourself, dont think "itll happen eventually" make it happen. Everybody dies anon, but few truly live.

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>>729934035

Women aren't slot machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out. You are friend-zoned because they construe your excessive emotionality and want as feminine and needy. A woman wants to lose herself and feel secure in your masculinity, not deal with your constant emotional, woman-like bullshit. Doesn't matter how nice you are to a woman, if you don't make yourself ATTRACTIVE to her as well, you'll never be more than her friend. Period.

Pic unrelated.

>>729934035

>We are what we do when it counts the most.

>>729939494
not true. there are people who truly care about others. living only for yourself is a sad way to live, i speak from experience.Yes you should live for yourself, but live for others too. The more reasons to live the better.

>>729939946
nike or shia?

>>729939910
Only you can change where you are at in life. I cant do it, a girl cant do it, no one but you can change where you are. If you want it you have to make it happen, not wait for it to come along.

since we fucked up the marriage, lets not fuck up the divorce.

it was tough at first but the ex wife and i get along great now. It shows with how well our daughter adjusted :)

>>729940068
yes

>>729934035
Read Rich Dad Poor Dad changed my life

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>>729939632

Reminds me of what my dad used to tell me.

>>729939969
I never drink anything but black coffee. I bought into the bullshit that the important thing in life is to work hard and be successful. Now I'm a miserable piece of shit making six figures. That's what I get for listening to advice.

>>729934035 (OP)

>"never have kids"

"never get married"

>>729934035
"Don't waste your life on 4chan."
I wish I had listened.

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>>729940081

If you wait until the last minute, it only takes a minute.

>>729934035
Never trust a white person with dreadlocks.

>>729940246
You're obese. That's the only thing holding you back.

>>729940246
Dont feel sorry for yourself. you're 31 and financially stable. That on its own makes you attractive at your age, spend some time to work on yourself, hit a gym. Whether you wanna look like zyzz or get in shape, work on you.

>>729940365
Common sense doesn't count as advice.

I once received advice on how to fix my coffee maker, and WOW WAS IT HELPFUL!! I can drink coffee ALL THE TIME NOW!

If you love two people, choose the one you feel in love with most recently. If you loved the first more, you wouldn't have fallen in love with the second.

>>729940398
Zzyz was a confirmed steroid user and junkie

>>729940498
thats not the point. he was aesthetic as fuck and you can get that look without being a juice junkie

For every five no's you get, there will be a yes.' You're just getting through your no's, kid.

>>729937014
not dude but they are all true

>>729938272
humm, that spins the hamster wheel

>>729939364
old mans gotta point

>>729939503
this here too

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Disciplining my kids- if they understand logic then use logic. If they do that understand logic, then they won't understand why you are striking them.

Dating world- never give her everything she asks, your her man not her bitch.

>>729940367
I'm a bit overweight, sure, but that can't be everything. Up until my mid 20s I was pretty fit, and just as much of a kissless virgin as I am now. There are plenty of poor fat fucks who get laid constantly. What's up with that?

>>729934035
How I feel does not dictate how I act. A better world is only achievable with positive people.

>>729940600
No, you cant. That's the whole point of steroids. Are you dense?

>>729940062
They maybe would ask you things like "you are ok" but in deeper they are not interested on you probs. Is natural.

>>729934035
"Never hit girls except your sister, she doesn't count." -daddyofive

>>729940653
Meant to put if they don't understand logic.

My father and mother have given me good advice.

My dad once told me, "Live below your means. If you make $100k, live like you make $75k"
Also: "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero"
And: "Rent depreciating assets, don't buy"

And the best advise from him was:
>"The best way to get back at someone, and enemy, like a dumb chad bully, is to beat them at life, be smarter than them. Become their boss, and make them sweep the floors for you."

But my mom told me the opposite, which is just as wise:
>"She also told me that the best way to get back at my enemies, is to forgive them."

She told me to live by this poem:
"Princes & Kings

Isn't it strange how princes and kings,
and clowns that caper in sawdust rings,
and common people, like you and me,
are builders for eternity?

Each is given a list of rules;
a shapeless mass; a bag of tools.
And each must fashion, ere life is flown,
A stumbling block, or a Stepping-Stone.”

I live life like that. If something bad happens to you, use it to better yourself, use it as a stepping stone.

She also told me that "everyone has 'their cross to carry' (we were christain), and to not judge others because you do not know what they're going through."
Which is similar to what The Great Gatsby said: "Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,
just remember that all the people in this world
haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had."

They both told me: "All the world's a stage" "And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances"
But they always thought they were quoting Rush lol.

>>729937500
Cringe

>>729940702
>you cant have low bodyfat and be aesthetic without steroids

are YOU dense? holy fuck.

>>729940702
steroids are a shortcut you lazy bastard, how about you look into them

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Now you listen to me, Aaron. You don't blow your money on those comic books, you understand? They don't do you a damned bit of good, and the nude mags, you're gonna be inheriting mine when you're 16 anyway. Now look, the junk food and the candy just rots your teeth, gives you bad breath, and the girls run like hell. Stay the hell away from buying any rock TV shirts, or hip hop gear, or anything like that. Arcade games, pick out one that you can do, okay? ONE that you can do as opposed to a whole bunch of them that you don't know what the hell you're doing. Techno music just puts a hole in your brain - are, are you listening to me? Look at me when I'm talking to you!

>>729940660
My only other guess is that you have a social disorder like me or the fat fucks getting laid have drugs>>729940660

>>729934035
Women are crazy.

>>729940863
I like your dad

>>729940832
No you idiot. Looking like Zzyz at that lean of a body fat is entirely steroids only. God damn you are stupid as fuck.

>>729940991

That's not advice.

"The sky is blue."
"Thanks, dad."

>Have a plan
>Always assume it isn't going to work

>>729940919
I almost definitely have a social disorder. That's why I'm on /b/. I also have plenty of drugs. How does that work for the fat fucks?

>>729934035

>"You're there to do job that needs doing"
There's more to it then that. Basically my uncle in-law laying doing some basic truths to me as a 14yr old when I was bitching about a supervisor at my first ever job. He basically pointed out you're paid first and foremost to work. There's a job that needs to be done and no one gives a fuck if your funny or "having fun" aor hit shit at school, do the job you're paid for. Seems obvious now, but it's sobering and enlightening when basically a kid.

>"Get her on the pill, condoms break"
My mum in regards to my the first gf i was actually having sex with. I was 16

>"Get her on the pill, it feels a lot better"
My dad in regards to the same gf. Probably asked by mother to have "a talk".

>>729940815
>And: "Rent depreciating assets, don't buy"
so only rent cars?

>>729934035
Now matter how hard you try you can't fuck the crazy out of someone.

>Keys
>Wallet
>Phone

"If you give up, you're a piece of shit. Quit being a little pussy and go kick that bastards ass." - my grandpa after I got beat up in 8th grade by a junior. I did kick his ass... I just had to cheat and use a bat lmao

>>729937555
You're my hero

Bill and Hillary gave taught us a lesson worth knowing:

> It takes two people to make a cold, loveless
>marriage of convenience work

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>>729934035

>Never trust a jew

When you are hanging out with a girl you have a crush on, never expect that you are going to get with her just because you guys are hanging out. Just enjoy the time spent with her and if something happens it makes it that much better. And if nothing happens, you still had a good time with her anyways.

>>729934035
dont sit for shit without the sheets

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>>729940498

Contentedness is a matter of being satisfied with what you have. Be content with less. Simplicity means examining why you want more; at the root of wanting more is not being content with what you have. Once you’ve learned to be content, you don’t need more. Stop acquiring and start enjoying. Excess crap restricts freedom. To keep an item, it must have specific, valuable purpose. See through your clutter.

Learn to be content with the person you love, just as they are. Take a moment to think about the good things about that person, the reasons you love that person. Then accept their faults as part of their entire package.

Discontented people tend to be complainers, or grumpy, or negative. People who are content tend not to complain and tend to have a more positive attitude, and in my experience that almost always leads to more opportunities.

We choose whether we are happy or unhappy. Focus on the good things in your life.
Judge yourself by the balance you can strike between the needs of your body and the demands of your mind
Appreciate your life. Show people you appreciate them. Happiness is the people around you, not the places.
If you’re unhappy with your job, change it. Don't use time to make money; use money to make time.

Be careful about collecting things. They are dorky and waste space.
If You Don’t Need It, It’s Not A Great Deal

Always make sure you have something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

breathe and smile.

Best question to solve a problem:
"What do you want to happen?"

>>729941140
Go to any bar and I'm sure if people know you have a bag of coke you are everyone's new best friend.

>>729941268
advice, not common sense.

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks

>>729935420
kek

>>729934035
you have to learn to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with other people.

If you can't be safe, be smart, if you can't be smart be careful, if you can't be careful... name it after me.

>>729941274

Fag

>>729934035

> Hit it and quit it

The worst thing they can do is say 'No'. So give it a shot

>also

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

>>729934035

"If you're offered something, accept it. If who's offering it does it from hearth, he would feel bad if you don't. If who's offering it does it because he has to, then simply fuck him and take it too."

>>729934035
"Life's lessons have a way of repeating themselves. The less you listen, the more painful the lesson gets"

If you can't block, then attack. That way once you're back on your feet your not so far behind.

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>>729941470
false
the worst thing they can do is cry rape

>>729941169
Expensive ones

He also told me "all women want is money, get a prenuptial agreement if you think she is a whore"
and "[in the case there is no prenuptial agreement] It's cheaper to keep her"

Oh and one more my Mom told me is
>"Those who fail to plan, plan to fail"
and I still have to learn that.

A friend said to me "In the end, the love you make is equal to the love you take" which is from John Lenon I think

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Dont get the Duke of Death its a nerfed Kurama

>>729941628
he's dead now
how did that advice work out for him?

>>729938733
Kek

>>729934035
kys Everyday always work

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>>729941690

fug...MOAR

>>729941287
Tldr copy and paste more fgt

>>729938738
Lel

>>729941628
Oh and the another from my father:
>"nEVER TRUST ANYONE WITH YOU MONEY. NEVER TRUST ANYONE WHO SAYS THEY CAN MAKE YOU RICH. IT IS A SCAM. ALL PEOPLE WANT IS TO TAKE YOUR MONEY"

>>729934665
By this logic niggers, arabs and hulk never sleep

>>729941787
That's the best shot of her, you don't want to see more.

>>729941744
Nah their alive, I should call them.
They raised me good.

Past tense bc I don't live with them anymore

>>729934035
The world doesn't owe you anything, if you want something you have to get it yourself

>>729934253
Very true, you could do any favor or take on the most difficult job and the only time people seem to care, is when you can't do said favor or fail at the job you took.

Eat good, fuck well, and have lots of fun. Otherwise, what the hell are you living for?

use the right tools or the job

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Every relationship fails, until one doesn't.

>>729934665
I don't agree with this at all. Sometimes you have to go to bed to cool off. It isn't a highschool relationship

>>729942098
Every X does Y, until one doesn't. What's your point?

>>729934035
press Z or R twice to do a barrel roll

>>729938272
Facebook quote
>>729938240
Mommy quote
>>729937500
Autistic quote
>>729939632
Rocky /10
>>729941190
Rage Against the machine/6

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Economy/rich guys of the chan, tell me if this is retarded or not:

My older brother got a $3,000 loan and bought shares in Kroger because he's convinced that when Canada legalizes weed the share value will go up a bunch

>>729942218
barrel rolls are overrated
just use the boost to get through

>>729942098
If you're not dating to get married, you're dating to break up.

>>729942279
This ain't Star fox this is wolf of wallstreet

>>729939364
Not horrible

"Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff"

"stop being a faggot and just be a faggot you faggot"
Something to that effect from some anon during the beginning of /lgbt/. Not directed at me, but I think it's good advice for any faggot.

>>729941287
Thank you.

>>729942228
lol
kroger's a solid well established company, but weed isn't going to change any of that
it's about as good as investing in any other decent company, which is to say he'll probably about break even when he pays off the interest on his loan

>>729942228
Trudeau said he's not legalizing it to please users but to protect children

Don't piss off the person making or serving your food

>>729941963

Please let me be the judge of that.

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>>729942646

I fucking hate our PM.

Never judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree.

>>729934035
Tell the truth

"You either make yourself strong or you make yourself miserable, the amount of work is the same"

>>729942486
kek
eke
kek

Never fuck someone that you wouldnt want to be seen in public with the next day.

>>729942486
And the most important: don't stuff the sweaty pet.

>>729941854
Maybe you should read it. Not copy pasta, but rather the motivational 1-pager I've been consolidating for 30+ years.

> A curvy spine is the Devil's rollercoaster

>>729940356
Underrated

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn't.

>>729934238
Constipation related??

take your fucking mouth off the fucking piece if you're gonna cough

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>>729942210
If you think about it, it's the simplest yet greatest advice. When a relationship ends dont pity yourself or look for blame or even for reasons. It didn't work, most don't. Until one does.

"Never trust a man who when left in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on"

- Billy Connolly

I feel like the reason 4chan is so wise, is because, they had the most shit happen to them.

They see life for what it really is.

>>729942985
>Don't use time to make money; use money to make time.
Elaborate please.

>>729943625
what's a tea cosy?

Deny, deny, deny

>>729943838

it's a knitted hat you put on a tea pot to keep it warm and cozy

>If you're early, you're on time.
>if you're on time, you're late.
>if you're late, you're fired.

If they have to ask to search you, they don't have the right to.

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>>729943838

One crime at a time.

>It was the fireworks in the park that attracted the cops
>it was the weed in my friends pocket that got him arrested

>>729939389
To greentext

Stick your dick in crazy all you want. just lie about where you live.

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>>729934665
This is probably a highly functional piece of advice. But at the same time I really wanna kick your shins in

>>729934035
"If you want people to think you're interesting, talk about them."

>>729934406
there was one time in my life where this was not true. I could've gotten out a lot better if I had just lied.

>>729934035

Life is hard enough; your family shouldn't make it any harder.

>>729936440
100% solid, tried and true.

well, broke a bunch of those and shit was not cash

>>729944588
Always love your mum

>>729944588
Dog shit joke is dog shit

>>729944588
>>729944816
Jim Jeffries is dog shit

>>729944816
You mad coz he tore your asshole apart about gun control?

>>729935665
I've always changed this saying to "fuck bitches AND get money"

>>729934035
Time is the most valuable thing you own.

>>729936204
how much you making now?

die young, leave a pretty corpse

>>729942985
>>729942985
>>729942985
I love this type of philosophy. It makes perfect sense. You are perfect and you do not need anything external extra to make you happy.

Breathe in the air, and start enjoying life.

>>729937719
>▶
who the fuck shakes hands with two fingers??

>>729945019
>redundant

Always carry a hanky. Because you can use it to cover an ugly women's face while your fucking her.

>>729945254
>Breathe in the air, and start enjoying life.
qigong is very good for you

attitude is a choice.
attitude is everything.
>everything is your choice?

Meet a girl in a bar, loose her in a bar.

>>729945304
do explain

>>729941287
being content creates laziness.
"do not go gentle into that goodnight
rage, rage at the dying of the light..."

>>729934938
this is the niggest advice on /b/ tonight

Give the hoes what they want, the dick
-My grandpa on his last moments

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>>729934035
God damn that's a lovely bush

>>729934035
>stop smoking weed
>just fuck her

>>729945819
fuck bitches get money already means fuck bitches and get money

don't drink sodapop

>>729939344
Ever stop to think he just stopped giving a fuck when he found out u were just a cockhungry whore? Hmmm....

>>729934938
kek

>>729942228
Retarded, probably going to loose money between interest on the loan and taxes on the investment. Kroger isn't going to go up like crazy with weed legalization, people who will be high are already high.

>>729947008
nah it means fuck bitches(like don't mess with them) and get money instead. my rendition is doing both.

>>729936506
solid

"Niggas gonna nig"

AMEN

>>729942390
Im dating to have sex

>>729947463
o rly? I always thought the "fuck" meant fornicate

>>729934938
lmao

>>729934406
lying has kept me out of some bad fucking trouble, fool.

"Don't try to make people have good thoughts about you, because at the end of the day, you die with your own thoughts, so make those ones good ones.

>>729947654
depends on the person's mind I guess. it is whatever the listener wants it to be.

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You can be full of kindness and love, but you can't sleep next to a mad dog.

"Just stop giving a shit about anything or anyone that won't benefit you or make you happy."

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>>729942861
> implying you are sober when that >happens

>>729934035
Never turn your back around a black

Stay away from niggers

>>729934035
Around blacks never relax.

It has never been wrong.

>>729934665
Anon is saying don't dwell on things, and he's right, my wife and I will stay up till 4am if we need to work something out, we only said fuck it and dropped one fight, and she's still mad about it

>>729939061

well no shit dude. You're a seller in a buyer's market. Interact with bitches.

And start with not so hot bitches that are easier for you to date. Use them as training bikes. THEN try for the cute ones. You'll fucking fail like a fool if you start at the top.

>>729948502
Unless its your anus

>>729934035
Never hit a girl first.

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>>729934938
Go back to plebbit, where you belong, and take that shit story with you.

Everyone dies. I am going to die, you are going to die, everyone you love, everyone you hate, everyone you know and never met dies. Do whatever makes you happy in life while you can because consciousness only exists for you now, soon you will never again hear sounds, see colors or feel anything so try to focus on what makes you happy in life while you have this very brief chance to exist.

Dad told me this when I was like 15 and it's helped me come to terms with a lot in life.

>>729936631
>1. The majority of people never mature beyond the level of a teenager
this is very true.

Always judge people by their friends and not their family.
Your family is what life gets you but your friends are what you want for you

>>729934035
"Kill yourself, Anon"

Some things I've learned I'm my 20 some years
>Everyone is awkward, even hot grills
>You can always make more money, but you have to WANT to make more money
>Everything is temporary, memories fade and people die, so do what makes you happy

>>729948841
Underrated