Most autistic thing you've ever done?

>>729488975
replied to this thread

>>729488975

Expected to find content on /b/

>Be me, drinking with a few buddies.
>Buddy 3 says something incredibly stupid.
>"WTF, are you fucking autistic Buddy 3, what's wrong with you?"
>...
>...
>"Yes, I am autistic you fucking idiot, you know this."

once when i was like 10 i spent about 5 minutes rolling my sleeve up to grab a fish from a bucket and then when it finally stayed up, i used the other arm and soaked my sleeve

>>729489069
There's plenty of content on /b/, just none of it is any good.

I walked a mile to the movies. Got a popcorn and soda. Walked into the theater. Figured it would be fine because it was an early matinee, but it was packed, only random single seats left, and no aisle seats. I stood there awkwardly for about five minutes then left and walked home carrying my popcorn and soda.

>>729488975
left my 3 girlfriends when it was going serious and I found out they are no virgins

>>729489171
Rip

>>729489414
Kek

>>729488975
>out drinking with buddies at bdubbs few years ago
>think waitress is cute
>friend orders blue moon flavored wing sauce
>take this as opportunity to make fun of him for ordering pleb beer flavored sauce in front of waitress
>it's really awkward
>she leaves and he says "turn down the autism there dude"
">he ended up fucking her multiple times on my bed for revenge

Tried to do the puzzle on monkey madness. should have just paid the 200k

>>729489673
dude, make your stories more plausible

>>729489766
like in "less autistic"

>>729488975
i once asked a cashier for information about a grocery store employee because he was cute. my mom barked at me all the way home

>>729489805
like in don't try so hard to make it seem made up

>>729489732
That d scimmy

>>729489962
indeed, made it worth it.

>>729489904
how new are you?

>>729490244
Now THAT is autistic.

Well done

>>729488975
discovered 4chan

Not sure if autistic or not

>Hanging out with friends
>Friends have a habit of catcalling stranger and random women and pass comments on them
>Two 6/10 girls walking ahead of us, both were totally stranger
>One is wearing high heels but she can't walk properly in them
>Thisismytimetoshine.jpg
>Decide to tease her, increase respect among friends San Andreas style
>Say "Looks like someone can't walk properly in heels"
>Girl turns around - "Do you want to wear them? Since you know how to walk properly in them."
>Friends start laughing on me and still roast me on that incident

>>729490388
definitely autistic

>>729488975
Think my opinion matters on the internet

>>729490388
did you show her up in the midst of your autism?

I have another true story for you
>>729490545
>>729490712
>Be me
>First year in college
>T. Guy who never spoke to a girl and is very desperate to get a girl friend
>Dj Party in college
>Some students are dancing, some are watching people dance
>Watching people dance
>Friend says 'Dude, that girl is totally checking you out'
>Idiot enough to believe him
>"Why don't you go talk to her, anon"
>But I don't even know her name?
>"Oh, her name is Lisa anon, she is quite a popular girl"
>Goes to talk to her
>Hey
>She ignores
>I want to do friendship with you
>"Sorry, I don't become friends with strangers"
>But I know you, your name is Lisa
>She gives me a weird look and leaves
>Later found out her name was Monica and my friends were fucking with me

>>729488975
Choked on my own saliva. And going through /b/ catalog to find something normal...

>>729490824
damn son, you need some better friends

>>729489414
UK?

>>729490824
i kinda wish we were friends you sound fun to fuck with

>>729490388
Should've given her the comeback "Right? I'll race you for them. First one that falls over has to walk home barefoot."

>>729490388
It'd be autistic if you actually agreed to walk in the heels.

Brought hentai to band camp, everybody found it, humiliation

>>729490824
I know I fucked up my first impression, but I really liked that girl, call it love at first sight
>Ask a friend how to impress a chick
>"Make sure, you show you like her and are interested in her anon"
>But how?
>"Idk, Look at her, smile at her, follow her around"
>Starts staring her all day with a weird creepy smile
>College ends, 4'o clock in the evening
>She is leaving for her home in a bus with her friend
>Starts following her
>Hmm, weird.
>We have changed 4 buses and its almost 4 hours. How fucking far does she live?
>Finally, drops her home (by following her) at 8'o clock in night
>Returns home
>Next day at college, all my friends are staring at me
>"Dude, wtf?!"
>What?
>"Did you follow that girl to her home, anon?"
>Yes, as you said. How do you know?
>"Do you know she reached her home at 10'o clock because she noticed you following her, and was so scared that she went to her friend's house instead.
>MFW I realized it was not her house.

>>729489732
Imagine not being able to figure out a basic sliding puzzle.

>>729489171
TopKek

>>729488975
>Sitting there on the couch with girlfriend
>She starts rubbing against me
>Foreplay ensues on couch, begin sex
>I lift her up and turn her onto her knees
>Commence Anal
>I feel a sharp, biting pain all around my penis.
>She has shards of glass in her anus.
>Blood is fucking everywhere now, I think I severed my urethra and artery
>It hurts too much to pull out
>All I can do is helplessly sit there and hope she doesn't force herself off of me
>She is laughing hysterically at my pain
>She is crying with laughter, her eyes are completely bugged out
>I think I'm going to pass out from the excruciating pain
>I pass out
>When I wake up, I'm tied up
>I look down at my mutilated, bloody, almost fallen off penis
>I can't move
>She comes in and pours salt and lemon juice on it
>I pass out again
>She hands me a laptop and tells me to type what happened to me
>If you're reading this and are in the Seattle area please come to Queen Mary's apartment complex in Bellevue, ask to see Room 15 if I am even there, honestly she may have taken me somewhere else

>friend since high school gets his own place, decides to throw a party.
>"Shiiiid, first adult party I've been invited to" I think in my head.
>He has some friends that are girls. I get nervous when I realize the day before.
>Day of party, already two beers in, lightweight so I'm feeling it.
>Hear buzzing from telecom (friend lives in apartment).
>"it's me anon's friend".
>Fuck she has a cute ass voice.
>Get in my autistic mode, sweating, nervous.
>Decide is best thing is to go to bathroom, in the dark and stare at myself in the mirror.
>10 mins past by, "Hey, who are you? Can I use the bathroom?" she says.
>She caught me, in the fucking dark staring at my fucking self for no reason.

Worst of all, she turned out to be a lesbian.

>

Sauce please OP

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>>729491631

>>729491747

pornhub/view_video.php?viewkey=ph57988649f3bf1

Kimmy Granger & Sydney Cole

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Grassbros forever

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i dress up like a girl

>>729493174
Faggot, why you gotta take all the tops

Not all bottoms are sissy bitches

>>729491455
Here's another one
>First year
>Like a girl in class
>Always flirt with her
>She never like it
>Whistle whenever she walks nearby
>Class on first floor, standing near the window
>See her walking below from the window
>Whistles, she knows its me
>She, her ugly male and female friend are coming to class
>Standing near the gate of the class now, with my friends
>Hey I wanna talk to you
>All three of them stops
>Lets be friends
>Ugly girl and ugly guy have had it
>Start yelling at me
>Friend charges at both of them like a wild pitbull, he looks like a one too. Loyal, buffy and short.
>Calm down boy calm down
>Ugly guys who is skinny as fuck calms down too
>Class is ongoing, all three of them are absent from it
>Pitbull friend listening to songs, other friend discreetly sleeping while putting his head on my lap, while I am shuffling cards
>Phone rings, unkown number
>Not in the mood
>Picks up and say "Go fuck yourself, can't talk right now"
>Phone rings again
>Hello
>"This is principle speaking"
>Ohyouaren'tfoolingmefuckboy.jpg
>Didn't I tell you to go fuck yourself motherfucker
>A few minutes after a guy comes in class asking for me and my pitbull friend
>We have been called to principle's office
>"Is this how you speak on phone young man"
>I thought it was a prank
>He buys it
>Principle is bro tier, knows what healthy flirting is.
>"Why are you teasing this girl anon"
>Won't do it again
>"You better not, you know her dad is an assistant police commissioner"
>So what? My dad is getting promoted to assistant police commissioner this weak too
>My dad works in public works department.

>>729493358
These are supposed to be stories about autistic shit, not autistic stories

Jesus fuck i lost a little language comprehension absorbing this shit pile into my mind

My brother

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>>729492072
Thank you, sadly it got removed though

>>729493174
sauce for the thing around your torso?

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>>729493331
gay virgin but sry

>>729491455
I can(t) see what you did there

>>729494021
Doubt it. And youre not a virgin if youve used a dildo or similar toy

>>729494021
Damn I'd love to get that cock inside my ass.

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>>729494163
>>729494163
only been at it like 9 months, and still pretty closeted.

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>>729493358
you should just stop posting while you can

I 'm socially awkward and messed up a conversation with a girl I liked.

That's not the worst, for what I did next was by far the most autistic thing possible. I posted it on /b/, thinking that this scenario was in any way unusual and expecting people to give a shit.

>>729488975
>Most autistic thing you've ever done?- 55 posts and 7 image replies shown.

Convinced myself for a few days that I'd ever be remotely happy

>>729489732
Rip

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tl:dr:
went on a date with a girl
walked past some train rails
I pulled out a gun on her
cont?

>>729494410
So youre a passable trap? Nice tits

>>729489067
/thread

>>729494449
/thread

/thread

>>729494410
>>729493976
pls

>>729494565

>suspicious

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>lowerclassfag
>5:00 AM phone call
>Me: "hello?"
>Caller: "who's this!?"
>Me: "fuck you calling me at 5 am, asking me who I am you fucking idiot." Click.
>mfw I check my emails and realize the call was from a man who had hoped to give me a nice free mobile home on this very day

>>729489171
solid nose exhale from this hahah

>>729494021
You look really cute

>>729494964
q.q

>>729495032
you sound very desperate

>>729489732
Feels

>>729493358
>he looks like a one too. Loyal, buffy and short.
>calm down boy calm down

My fucking sides

>>729491006
No Murica, why is that a UK Thing?

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>>729488975
>going out drinking with mates
>girl hitting on me
>oblivious
>we chat and she follows me around
>we go outside to get some air and she starts getting a bit handsy
>"anon do you work out?"
>not at all at the time and was oblivious she was somehow complimenting me for whatever scrawny body I had back then
>her friend comes out with a guy and tells her they're gonna head home
>she asks "wanna go with them?"
No thanks, I think I'm gonna hang out with my mates some more. Catch you later.

Only came to the realization years later

>>729488975
>Uni student
>Go to peace gig
>Talk to a 6.4/10
>Cracking on
>Turns out she has mouth cancer
>A big boily bastard
>Asks to go back to hers
>nope.gif

>this was last week
Could have smashed

>A few years ago it was my /b/tard friend's 18th birthday.
>His mother asks me to come out for a birthday dinner at one of the local restaurants in our town
>She communicates this through my mother and not me directly
>Says it'll be a "surprise" so I can't let him know
>I agreed and my mother let his mother know to pick me up before the restaurant
>On the night we're talking shit through Facebook messenger like usual
>He says he's got to get ready for a family dinner
>"Uhh, yeah me too..."
>Wait a second, he's not even meant to know we're going to dinner
>Read "Family dinner" a second time
>OhGodNo_MySpaghetti.jpg

Now imagine this, a /b/tard friend of yours shows up at your family dinner out of surprise and spends the rest of the night trying to make small talk with your family.

I think that was probably the last time I saw him to be honest...