how do i become a wizard /b/? i really need to know

>>729325280
Drugs

>>729325280
be yourself and wait a few years

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Step 1: suck a log of shit from Andy sixx's Ass

Step 2: help athiest define atheism

Step 3: ask a guy who wears girl shorts anything

Step 4: make one rule for girls at your school

Step 5: ask white boi if he's mad

Step 6: fuck, marry, kill (not necessarily in that order)

Step 7: ???

Step 8: PROFIT


I PAID $40 FOR THIS POST, DID I GET RIPPED OFF??

buy Diablo III, install, create Wizard. ta-da

>>729326298
that shits not gonna help, i'm serious, this is not a troll post, i need to be one fast

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>>729325280
OP you dont need any help becoming a wizard. Youre well on your way to becoming one whether you want to or not.

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>>729326051
kek

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXCfggL6oP8

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>>729326082
>>729326298
Teach me more, master.

honestly, i need real answers. its all i can think about every day. day in, day out, being a wizard, why can't anyone give a serious answer???

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>>729325280
>>729326444
>>729326981
Refer to Figure A

>>729326981
it's because wizards aren't real

>>729325280
Stay a virgin until you're 40. That's how.

>>729327147
fucking bullshit, i've learned almost everything is real. more things than society tells us. psychics, aliens and other stuff too. wizards gotta be real. i feel that they are and i need to be one :(

>>729325280

...

Why?

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>>729327416
Prove it.

>>729325280
Don't fap for 6 months, stay single, and avoid the outside world. Order LSD off the darkweb, and the secrets will be unlocked.

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>>729325280
>>729327416
Like this

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>>729327416
>i've learned almost everything is real. more things than society tells us. psychics, aliens and other stuff too

>>729327573
i dunno man, i just feel it deep down that this is what i need to do in order to do whatever it is i need to do in life :(

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>>729327416

>>729327868
>>729327810
>>729327654
oh yeah i see all the small minded skeptic-fags are coming out of the woodwork now. too bad all you dorks gotta face up to the fact that there are things bigger than you in the world and there are things are mysterious that you wish weren't real.

deal with it cocksuckers

i know someone on 4chan knows about real wizards why won't they tell me what they know? come on, please, i am serious, this is a serious inquiry. i need to know because i need to know, cant even explain why :(

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>>729328158

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>>729325280
>>729327416
>>729328050
You sound like you're already on your way.

>>729327905

Then you seek a path, not an identity.

Knowledge will suit you just find, you do not need power.

Look around you, look behind you at the ways of your people and ancestors. They will show you the way forward. You already know what you like to do. They will show you how.

Ask not for unnecesary power.

>>729328450
this is bullshit you aren't a real wizard just a faggot poser

i need real wizards pls not posers

>>729328587

yup.

so just scroll on.

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>>729325280
1. Awaken the fire snake at the base of your spine.

Yah, I'm a grand wizard.

>>729325280
You seek Tanis.

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>>729328450

Tamurello once said you have to be able to visualize a tree, count the leaves, then count them again and get the same number.

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>>729328764
2. Put your consciousness in its center.

>>729328764
serious? ok can u tell me any more? i've tried to do similar things to this recently. is there any other info you can give??

>>729328774
this is actually funny

OP you caught us, we're all wizards and we spend our time surfing the internet and helping out newfags in our spare time.

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>>729326298
ENLIGHTENMENT HAS CAUTERIZED THE WOUNDS OF MY IGNORANCE

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>>729328764
Way to spill the beans traitor.

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>>729328937
3. Move your consciousness up your spine and out through the top of your head.

>>729328937
put my consciousness down in my nether regions essentially? sounds fun, i will try this in fact. thank you poster and any more info is appreciated!

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>>729329092
4. Follow the light to the center of the universe, don't be afraid about leaving your body behind--you should make it back just fine.

>>729329092
this part is really typical of the bullshit they teach in like yoga classes and shit though, it doesn't work. none of those bitches in yoga classes are wizards that's for sure.

>>729328158
Witchcraft and the occult,
Study it.

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>>729329111
It's right around the tip of the coccyx. You can't put your consciousness there until the area is sufficiently awakened.

>>729329279
jesus this is like spiritualism and stuff though, i mean is this really going to make me a wizard? i don't think so honestly. i truly do appreciate the advice but i mean i'm saying, i don't think this is real wizard level stuff, you know? this is like pop-hinduism or ram dass or whatever his name is. are you seriously sure this will actually make me wizard??

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>>729328764
>>729328937
>>729329092
>>729329279
Go away

>>729329560
alrite, alrite, i will try this thank you

i really do not think hinduism and chakra meditation is way the wizardry though. if there are real wizards out there i would appreciate more specifically wizard-oriented advice :(

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>>729329561
Yes, I'm sure. It's what all the wizards figured out or were trying to discover. Read Crowley, Ramsey Dukes, or Kenneth Grant if you don't believe me.

>>729329811
how can they all be trying to figure this out when this idea is like everywhere? like this is what ever con artist, pop-spirituality loser says is "the path to enlightenment" or whatever. honestly, i don't need englightenment, i only need to become a wizard. i'm fine with everything else. not even that interested in teh secrets of the universe. just need to learn wizardry. genuine wizardry. i need to master that craft. feel it deep in my bones. cannot explain :(

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>>729329752
I've been practicing magick for 20 years, Eastern and Western systems. It's the same shit in different guises. You just need to find the right things that resonate with you on a less than conscious level.

>>729330186
What do you think a wizard is?

>>729330260
my soul is different than others maybe, i'm more simple. i'm a tardsoul. things that go for others dont go for me :(

>>729330409
master of his body and the elements. a truly sovereign human.

>>729330581

Master eh?

What elements do you deem yourself worthy of enslaving?

What mastery of your body do you want?

No man can stop aging. If you want to live forever.... you are on the wrong path.

>>729330889
what dude? omg don't give me that fagshit about enslaving other things and being a moralfag.
want to enslave heat (not an element) to keep warm. want to not have to eat (major hassle). ideally want to shapeshift (big job, i presume). and want mastery of telekinesis. already have sort-of-mastery of empathy and telepathy so i don't need much help there :(

go to /x/.

>>729330889
also immunity from disease and shit yeah i want to live forever too, or at least until i say im done :(

and regeneration if im injured of course

>>729330889
regeneration from injury, immunity from disease, heat, not needing food - all crucial things for survival. shapeshifting also very practical and is true mastery over your own body. and the telekinesis is least important though obvious is going to have usefulness :(

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>>729331233
Pursuing any sort of wizardry that binds you to your gross body like you're seeking always ends very badly. It sounds like you're motivated out of a place of fear. Fear of aging, dying, of others.

Real magick reveals your true will and the path to realizing it.

>>729331936
someone here pinging me now. show urself!! :(

>>729332098
this is bullshit and steeped in judeochristian self-hatred and self-derision. you think bodies are gross? you aren't a wizard man, you suck. you don't know the first thing about nothing :(

go take a whip and smack yourself on the ass to atone for your sins and your sin of being born then if that's how you feel. probably too nervous to touch yourself too cuz you think you'll "lower your vibration" or some ram d'ass nonsense

>>729331233

Enslave thermo dynamics? Never hunger? Shape shift? Telekinesis?

So you wish to step out of the cycle of giving and taking... break the earning of form... and move things with your mind...

and all these powers will make your path clear in life? This, will give you happiness?

Try a sweater, three small meals a day, gentle but consistent exercise, and enjoying the feeling of using things with your own hands.

You do not seek a path to happiness, you seek power to escape your failures and flaws.

You deny your humanity so you can claim "wizardry". Put on a tall hat and wave a stick around for all the diffrence it will make in your life.

There. is. no. easy. path. to. happiness.

Now stop your begging and cast off your desperation, you already have what you need to find happiness. I already told you how. Do not play with easy outs, you only waste what little time you have. Find happiness with your own two hands, as all the people who came before you did.

You have their strength, they stand with you. Always.

go. forward.

>>729332406
I don't think our gross bodies are gross in that way at all. Learn English, idiot.

>>729332633
dude this is the most pop-spirituality, watered down, rationalized, cucked nonsense i've ever heard. my god. pls go join a faggy cult or something. or hang out in the "new age" section of barnes and nobles and drink some faggy starbucks latte. i don't care, just don't drag me down with your self-righteous horseshit

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>>729325280
You need to get quints

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wizard powers

>>729332633
you are seriously suffering from the disease of society, im just tellin u for ur own good :(

>>729332769
im more stupid than u can possibly imagine. i make stupidity a superpower, thats how fucking stupid i am. im so stupid i can see shit you couldnt even possibly imagine! and u do think our bodies are gross in the only way that's important bro! u are full of self-hatred and the disease of society! i am sorry! u r zombie and u have zombie "spirituality"!

let me try to exorcize that cancer!

OUT OUT OUT!

Master wizard here from the planet Tstkio. Unfortunately there is only about .00001% of the humans on this world possibly capable of learning wizardry.

>>729333081

Yet I am not the one who is lost.

Well, I've tried to help you seriously, but you are too busy running. I wished I could save you some years and trouble but you refuse and fear the call of your blood. I guess I'm the fool for trying to shorten that wandering in ignorance... but at least I tried.

Go on them, seek your "powers" and when you lose even more... maybe when you have even less distraction, you'll hear the voice of your people.

>>729334059
u r literal cancer

>>729325280
This might not interest you since you seem to be more focused on the fantasy portrayal of a wizard (which is fictional) but the idea of wizards in general most likely came from the early iron age hellenistic view of the zoroastrian religion. They considered zoraster to be the inventer of astrology ans sorcery and they thought practitioners of the religion were themselves sorcerers. They were called magus, which is where we get the term mage today.

So if you want to be a REAL wizard, study the hellenistic world's incorrect interpretation of zoroastrainism. One reference you can use is a figure called "Pseudo-Zoroastar" that wrote fiction about the persian religion.

here is a wiki link
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoroaster#In_classical_antiquity
If you want to be like a lord of the rings wizard though you have to have already been a magical being like the istari were though. So can't help you there. Maybe you could find a canaanite god to worship to grand you magical powers? They take child sacrifice though so good luck.

>>729325280
stand up for women on the internet

>>729325280
1: Go to your local Walmart
2: Buy a broom
3: Shove it up your ass

You are now a wizard

>>729332098
>magick

crowley was a hack and so are you

>>729334478
thank you, i am not interested in that sort of wizard though.

since i was a kid all the bastards of the world have told me that things are not real. no psychics, no aliens, no telekinesis, no ghosts, no wizards.

as i age, i find i have tremendous psychic powers. i have twice moved objects with my mind and i have at least once seen a alien (plus another time heard the ship landing but ran, since i knew what the sound was from the first time it happened). i still don't know about ghosts but i have decided that if all that other shit is real then wizards might be real too. and not only that, i know they are because i feel it in my soul that they are, so i need to find some and learn to become one of them, plain and simple.

>>729327654
while they have the burden of proof does anybody really have any evidence either way

>>729334801
i agree, whenever you see that K at the end you know it's total horsegarbage. and i have no respect for aleister crowley or anyone else who has ever been in the public eye

>>729325280
Magic isn't real. Get over it.

>>729334874
how the fuck do "we" have burden of proof? it's not our fault you people choose to perpetually delude yourself and live in your delusion

>>729335046
you have the burden of proof because your belief is contradictory to society's accepted truth

>>729335266
who the fuck gives a shit about "societies" accepted truth? do you know what society is? it's a bunch of weak faggots who band together and put up with eachothers bullshti because they're too weak and faggoty to stand on their own. it means nothing and they burn the dissenters so that all is left are the most retarded, dellusional, out of touch with reality sociopaths.

"social consensus" doesn't mean a fucking thing.

you're the one living in a delusion that you and your "society fag" friends can see, touch, hear and understand everything int he world through purely physical, 3 dimensional terms only.

when you faggots pull this burden of proof shit it only makes you seem like the ignorant fuckers you are. egos so big that you literally think that your personal opinion and outlook is so important that the rest of the world has to fucking scramble to try to provide proof that your fucking faggots delusion is not real.

fuck of and wake up, or die in your delusion, it doesn't matter to me or anyone woken up like me, but don't ever expect that "proof" your waiting with baited breath for :(

>>729334853
I used to be in the same boat until I learned how easy it is for your mind to play tricks on you. I know that sounds stupid but it's a thing. Especially when it's something you want really really bad. When I was younger I got into all sorts of occult stuff and it was all a dead end. I can't tell you for sure if magic is real or not, just that every single person I've met that says they have it was lying or deluding themselves.


"oh well you can't see my magic because real magic is blah blah blah"

"No it's shooting fireballs at people and raising an army of skeletons"
Also, avoid wicca. It's a garbage cult designed to lure in people like you that want magic to be real, but you willl not end up with what you want. Common signs you are dealing with a wiccan is spelling magic as "magick" and the endless excuses for why "real" magic doesn't work the way you want it to.


I don't really believe in spirits or gods or anything, but if they were real I still think your best bet would be to get one's attention and see if it will give you magic.

>>729335620
alright, so prove that this is real

>>729335747
you're wrong about everything but wicca being full of shit, it absolutely is. you can't go by what your friends say because your friends are pieces of shit who lie and try to game you and themselves because they want you to think they're cool and they want to think they're cool or some shit.

>>729335855
most retarded 4chan post of the century, congratulations faggot :(

>>729336206
no, if your truth is so good, prove it is true or stop LARPing

>>729335620
I can't tell if you're baiting or if you're genuinely this delusional.

All I can say is that you need some help. But you're going to reject that advice, as well as any other sane, rational advice you might get in this thread.

im going to bed, nobody was able to help me become a wizard. there were like 5 posers and no real wizards here. total bullshit. total total bullshit man.

praise satan. praise demons. praise enslavement when it's to me. much praise be to my dick, which is might, thick and virile.

>>729336416
MIGHTY, thick and virile*!

>>729335266
Nah the person saying that something is there when it's not is the one that has to prove it. It doesn't really matter if no one believes them or if everyone believes them.

The reason why is because when people say things that can't be proven true, they can say a bunch of things that disagree with each other and no one would know who is right because you can't prove any of these things wrong. There is this concept called unfalsifiability, which is something you say that just couldn't be proven wrong because we don't have the means to prove it wrong.

Take magic for example. There's no way to PROVE it doesn't exist. How would you even try to do that? Even if I said something like "look he can't do magic" the person could just say something stupid like "it doesn't work like that" This is why wicca sucks. It works on the "you have to prove the garbage we say is wrong" idea. This is why the default is ALWAYS that you have to prove something is true first.

>>729325280
Well first of all, the rule of the internet is, if you're at least 30 and a virgin, you're a fucking wizard.

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>>729334853
why do you have to be this autistic

>>729336141
Well that's kinda what I'm saying. How do you tell the difference? That's why it's all a dead end. I've never met someone that can do magic because I think they were all lying about it. All it would really take would be for someone to be like "here look at me make this plant grow instantly" Or something that would actually be impressive. Then I would assume it's a trick still.

How could you ever know?

>>729328158
my rabbi is one. try making jewish friends, you will be bound to meet one

>>729336416
Your idea of what a real wizard is doesn't exist. You seriously sound borderline schizophrenic, which is okay, but don't spend too much time obsessing about things that don't exist or you'll make yourself miserable.

My family is from Ecuador and Egypt and I don't give 2 shits about my culture. I fucking love Scandinavian history so much more.

>>729337655
Oh look wrong thread
>samefag by the way.

>>729325280
Join Thelema!

>>729325280
kill yourself
It comes in the next life
trust me

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>>729337655

>>729325280
Is this bait?

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>>729325280
Ok op . i'll help you, but just this once.

>Write somthing on the wall
and watch as the world changes around you

It has to be somthing you understand fully
>your intent" must also be pure

You must also be willing to give somthing up of equal value
>This is not decided by you

eg....

"Make me a Wizard"

and your trails will commence