How do I ask a girl out to do business in the bed?

>Hey girl, do you wanna fuck?

>>728354546

Nah you gotta be more like HEY GURL YOU WAN SUM FUK!?

File: anyaolsen.webm (1MB, 960x540px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 960x540px

This is now a BREEDING thread

Okay, this is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I'm not talking a little monkey or some dancing chimp bullshit, I mean a fucking orangutan. Don't ask me how you're gonna get a fucking orangutan, because that's not my problem.

So the orangutan's name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable; all orangutans are named Clyde. I don't know why that is, it's just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You're seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty, you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. "Did you know the guy with the orangutan?", "You used to date the guy with the orangutan?", "Why would you break up with a guy with and orangutan?". Next thing you know, she's calling.

"I'm hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?" she'll say.
"Geez, I dunno; me and Clyde were going to go to a monster truck race tonight (orangutans love monster trucks). In fact, the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I'll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in. Oh well, you know my number don't be a stra-Hey, look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde's making Mojitoes".

At this point the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind, you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it's your life. But if you're a smart man, You slowly phase her back in. You're IM-ing. You're talking on Live. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like on of the family. You're one big Brady Bunch.

File: tumblr_o9tzwzEEIR1vvb8iho2_500.gif (1MB, 500x375px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 500x375px

Cum lube is best lube

>>728354340
I could watch that gif all day

Don't stop

>>728354340
For bonus points, when you do get to fuck, cover your dick in lube beforehand and let it dry out. Then when you start to stick it in, the slightest drop of her moisture will make your dick go full greasy banana. You say "I can't believe how wet you are" she will think she is more attracted to you than she is.

File: trainspotting_spud_shit.jpg (388KB, 1014x570px) Image search: [Google]

388KB, 1014x570px

>>728354340
>do some business in the bed

>>728355446
dude! sauce?

>>728354340
"Wanna make $10?"

File: nuf7ooFaIn1ug5y22o1_400.gif (1MB, 400x160px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 400x160px

Don't you die on me.

Anyone got a webm with a bunch of dudes giving creampies to one girl?

>>728354340
Bump

>be friends first
>just watch netflix until she sucks your dick

worked for me 10/10

>>728355944
Sauce

>>728357838
This.
Friend zone is best way to get laid. Open door for her, carry books, buy presents, etc.

>>728354340
no words, just rape
wear a condom

>>728355183
>Okay, this is how it goes. You get an orangutan
Just

>>728355632
I'm not sure if it's the same one, but there's a longer shot like that in The 21st Century Girl's Guide To Sex (gotta love a female-friendly sex doco that you can watch with your gf knowing she'll get as horny as fuck)

>>728358229
I think he's pissing

>>728358333
Anon, that's a crime

>>728358786
Only if you're Catholic

>>728355015
Yes

girls are more likely to have an orgasm if you cum inside them.

Scientifically proven that when you jizz, they sense that whether they realize it or not, and can trigger an orgasm because the spasm basically scoops the jizz up into their uterus.

>>728359353
It's not just at a subconscious level, my gf gets very vocal feeling me shoot

>me you, do the sex

>>728358129
>Open door for her, carry books, buy presents, etc.

Because if there's one thing that turns women on, it's desperation.

File: npzplpdvDu1uohzbto6_500.gif (963KB, 450x334px) Image search: [Google]

963KB, 450x334px

Just knock her up already, OP.

And anons, don't be faggots and contriboot. I'm the only one posting breeding/impregnation/creampie gifs.

>>728355015
Or
OR
He could have just stayed inside

File: m1or63n9q1twfkbto1_400.gif (2MB, 390x207px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 390x207px

>>728360728
True that

>>728360852
Wow, what a trooper. 1.5 thrusts and he's done.

>>728355183
Man this takes me back

File: .08 77777 dias de fiesta 1385.gif (93KB, 256x256px) Image search: [Google]

93KB, 256x256px

>>728354340
women and pussy

catch them off guard and make them laugh .... when hanging out
they will like the feeling brought on by laughing(its a natural high) and want you around enough to allow you to fuck almost certainly
i may be wrong but its what i'ved noticed being nice and all that goes with that isn't bad unless you use it as a crutch to keep them hanging out with you

How the fuck did they film that?

>>728355338
Especially another man's cum lube.

>>728361252
In >>728358692 they had micro-cameras inside her vag with a cable coming out. Amazing it wasn't too distracting for them both, although maybe that's why you don't see her cum and contract.

File: n8tizuWAOW1tz1ev7o8_500.gif (2MB, 499x281px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 499x281px

>>728361272
Yessss

>>728361272

Wow. Literally the first torrent I created. "A 21st Century Girl's Guide To Sex". It's still active :D. Go watch.

File: nibbqdihUs1u4ev21o1_500.jpg (65KB, 500x750px) Image search: [Google]

65KB, 500x750px

>>728361272

>>728354340
>look at her in the eyes seriously
>start dancing awkwardly
>whilst singing
You and me bby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel
>start thrusting your pelvis

>>728358973
Source?

>>728354340
thats a very weak cumshot

weak muscles

>>728359884
sauce

>>728361769
Maybe it was like take 5 because the director didn't like the first ones

>>728361310
moar with stomach bulges

>>728354340
Whip out your dingaroo and slap her face with it.
She will start sucking then go in 4 fuk

File: oey5pkqO5J1uo5lbio4_400.gif (1MB, 340x205px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 340x205px

>>728361972

>>728362168
This looks so shopped

File: nmgd4jgIW01tf0irao1_500.gif (2MB, 440x290px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 440x290px

>>728361972
MOar

>>728354340
>How do I ask a girl out to do business in the bed?
Where do I ask a girl out to do business in the bed?
They always travel in packs to cockblock each other or are surrounded by other men who have a far better chance to score than me. It just seems impossible.

>>728355944
sauce

>>728361252
You should meet the tiny guy with the clapper board ...

>>728354340
>>728363936

Okay dude. I'm gonna give you the best advice anyone ever gave me. From now on:
You are no longer trying to get laid.
You're trying to meet new interesting people. You aren't trying to convince a girl to fuck you. You aren't trying to figure out what to say to convince her to go back to your place.
You're just trying to make new friends and meet new people.

>>728354340
wood u lyk 2 sex?

>>728364255
I fail at that too. I have no idea how to move beyond small talk or even how to start a conversation with a stranger.

>>728364448
Too much 4chan syndrome.

>>728354340
That pussy looks cavernous.

File: ogovlgWXkJ1vg8fw5o1_540.gif (1MB, 540x298px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 540x298px

Still a babymaking thread

>>728364448
Fucking learn you piece of shit. Pretend it's like a hard video game and you have to learn to adapt. I don't fucking know. There are between thousands and millions of girls wherever you live. Fucking practice.

>>728358853
underrated

>>728363510
>>728363576
>>728363619
would love to find the full vid to this

>>728355015

You'd better source this shit you cunt.

Inb4 read the filename I'm on my phone.

>>728358229

Sauce as fuck.

>>728360852

Who is this bitch? I want to see her taking dick.

>>728364805

Sauce your shit you fucking cunt