I thought if you cut the carpet, it would grow back

>>728310475
that some hyper-jew from the desert many years ago was the son of a god who sent himself to earth to kill himself so he could save us from things he put into action

I thought the older I got the happier I would get.

I was led to believe that vaginas had teeth

That I'd actually go to hell if I told anyone about the game that my uncle and I played.

>>728311065
x2

>>728310945
LOL

>>728310945
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>728310877
>>728310945
First two posts sum up my entire childhood

>>728311161
>>728311177
Axons, pls ;_;

>>728310475
That everybody on earth was to serve me and was only in existence for me

That tiger meant female lion.

>>728311065
>That I'd actually going to be killed with all my family if I told anyone about the game that my uncle and I played.

Mom and dad were just wrestling.

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>>728311337
>1337
Nice

That I could beat anybody in a fight just because I can beat the boys of my class. Then I met a guy who's a mma fighter

You can count on your friends.
Being good pays off.
Family means something.

>>728310475
That there was a god

>>728310475
There are only two genders.

My penis would grow

>>728310877

pls stop being so much edgy anon

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>>728310475
this was fake

>>728311400
>728311400

I was led to believe that condoms were a cork of sorts that you shoved down into your urethra to physically stop you from cumming.

1. To have a baby, you had to get married. No sex, the woman just randomly became pregnant after marrige.
2. The balls had to be shoved into the vagina along with the dick for sex.

That nobody would notice if I secretly record porn over the credits of dad's star trek Vhs

>>728311584
Are you being retarded on purpose?
You better not be.

Sugar and salt were made to cool down food.

that one day of us humans was equal to 7 days in a dog's life

That I wasn't a faggot

I could have superpowers if I kept trying hard enough

>the clitoris is a completely separate chamber on the way to the womb

>your balls are spare dickheads
>when you want to impregnate somebody the glans falls off and is replaced with one of the balls
>you can only have children twice
I was a weird kid.

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>>728310475
diversity
social justice
socialism
conspiracy theories

> That pubic hair worked like velcro

Dad will probably be home tomorrow

that the day only ended when you went to sleep

>>728311551
Pointing out Christianity makes no sense isn't edgy, it's basic logic.

>>728312011
> Nigger detected

Red cars are faster because they're red

>>728312151
>cuckservative detected

>>728312011
nigger detected

>>728310475
I put cheesetoast in the VCR, not a belief but something funny to connect as a child

>>728310475
jewish conspiracies
being a democrat

>>728310475
I thought the song went..

Row, row, row, your boat, gently down the stream..
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is BUTTER dream.

>>728312101

pointing it out respectfully isn't eddy, but make it so mockingly is edgy

If I keep making stupid faces my face would get stuck.

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>>728310475
I thought politicians cared about democracy

>>728310475
If I worked hard I could be anything I wanted.

>>728310475
That OP wasn't a faggot.

I believed communism was good

that if i flipped the middle finger too much it'll get stuck like that

>>728310475
being good and friendly will make people act friendly and good towards you.
that if I share my stuff with people, they will share with me too

not how it works though

>>728312261
you sure showed him, anon!

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I thought that when you go to the end of the rainbow you can found a gnome city filled with everthing gold

>>728312681

nice image, anon

When I was six I believed that there was ethical consumption under capitalism.

>>728312873

explain yourself

>>728310475
My parents could read my mind

>>728311332
Lmfao

>>728310475
I thought coffee was made by adding milk to tea.

>>728312873
Hahaha what a silly believe. People can't afford to consume ethically.

Lesbians could have children by making out

>>728310475
Used to think there was no God and everything leading up to this moment happened by chance out of no where.

I though having bare feet meant somwthing more along the lines of if you dont want to where shoes you can where these slippers that look like a bears feet because its more comfortable.

i thought that my parents loved each other

>>728310945
I actually had realized my youth was the peak so I decided to make it seem longer by boring myself

>>728310475
I thought America was the only country with cities, and Chinese all wore those weird hats and lived on farms

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I though that rain were angels pissing on us

>>728311492
kek

>>728313521
Do you still believe this you fucking retard?

>where not wear

I thought if I had foreplay/sex, watched r-rated movies, played m-rated games, swore, stole, etc. I'd burn in hell
Also believed Satan tried to get me a couple times

>>728312214
it only works if you have fire or lightning decals.

>>728312214
This is still true, lets be real here

>>728314067
Also flames too

>>728313951
>not still getting close encounters with Satan
It's like you're not mentally ill or something.

>>728314118
ESPECIALLY flames

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I believed a pet marmot was a kind of bear.

So when a school mate at grade school told everyone she had a marmot for her birthday I figured they would keep it in the garden tied to a leash. I spent the next weeks looking for it as I cycled through the one-street village to school.

>used to think all dogs were male, or cats were female.
>used to think girls I had a crush on somehow could see what I was doing, even if I was alone at home or something.
>used to do this thing where if I saw someone in need of help or embarrassed or something, I could send over bits of my energy to help get them through their dilemma.

>>728311556
Looks like that thing from Fullmetal Alchemist

>>728312681
play more D3

>>728312395
> respectfully
> on /b/
There's another one to add to your list of stupid shit you used to think as a kid.

>>728310475
That your eyes actually got square pupils from sitting too much in front of the screen.

>>728311650
>1. To have a baby, you had to get married. No sex, the woman just randomly became pregnant after marrige.
That's what Harvest Moon taught me. If you show her love a seed inside her would grow and sprout a baby.

>>728310475
i vividly recall flying as a child, during the night. i still have it as a valid memory, but obviously it didn't happen.

>>728310475
I thought the GOP could do math

I thought my race was one of the ten lost tribes of Israel.

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I used to think the neighbours had cameras hidden around our house to spy on what we were doing.

>maybe they did?

I used to pull funny faces and stick my fingers up at the places I thought they'd be hidden.

>>728315096
That's not Link. Link is the boy. Zelda is the girl.

That something in this world might actually be "free"

I thought working meant just pulling and pushing two levers to generate money

I used to believe as a child that I would have a large decision as to who on this planet would be allowed to survive

>>728315757
autistic Serbian Jew double dubs

i thought that years ago things were in black and white like the movies.

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>>728310475
I thought the world was flat. Oh silly me!

>>728311920
basically this

>>728311442
faggot

>>728310475
I thought life meant something, and that I wouldn't have to worry about the world because politicians are there to help us all.

>>728310475
I thought that niggers were people

>>728314199
Good stuff

>>728315998
>>728311442
Missed my trips so hard because of you

Atheist here
At one point as a child I was unable to comprehend atheism

>>728314691
I miss that game. Are they developing a new one?

>>728315096
I do this exact thing in hotel rooms/other people's houses

>>728311409
Christy you go on /b/?

>>728316133
M'lady

I used to believe the whole "land of the free" but until I was like 12 or something ffs
Also its already been said but I thought that politicians were actually interested in the quality of people's lives here in the us

>>728312010
kek

I thought erections were caused by needing to go pee, I thought the whole thing was filled with pee.

>>728313777
thought that lightning was god taking a picture of us

>>728310475
I used to think that islam was a religion of piece

>>728310475
I was told by my friends older sister that if you let a balloon go and it goes into the sky, it will get turned into a bird of the same color.

I let a red balloon go once at a carnival and cried, but the next day i saw a cardinal birb and believed this until I was in 6th grade smh. fuck you abigail

>>728317098
6th grade? Holy shit your retarded

>>728310475
I thought that it was my fault he touched me.

I thought girls didn't poo

>>728317222
Trips of truth. Also, you're*

>>728310475
My Dad and his brothers used to tell us kids, my cousins and me, that if we misbehaved they would unscrew our bellybuttons and let our butts fall off.

I believed it because my navel looked like a #2 Phillips bit would fit.

>>728310475


thought that a little bone slid into your cock to make it a "boner"

>>728317544
What the actual fuck

I thought girls liked sweet, nice guys

>>728317544
>>728317735
It does for other animals.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baculum

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>>728310475
>Pokemon are real, as evidenced by the abundance of animals
>The sky is the roof of a shoe box, and the 'stars' at night are holes in that roof
>Mortal Kombat is Chinese history
>Women like black men
>Marriage is a great thing
>Xtianity
>I should conform to society's norms and expectations
>The Mushroom Kingdom is real, but you have to go through the sewers to find it
>Radical Ki
>Being an adult will be easy
>A diet consisting mainly of cake, ice cream, candy, and pizza would be O-K
>The background music for different places on Fatal Fury and Street Fighter are actually played in those respective countries
>The 'devil' is real
>adults are always right

>>728310475
when i was like 6-7 and had a pool party i got a 2 second view of another girls vagina that was my age (she randomly flashed everyone).

so all my life i thought it was always going to be super smooth down there.

first time having sex and seeing hair i thought the girl was dirty and a freak or something..

>>728310475
>The Holocaust Happened

>>728318429
still to this day i prefer a shaved girl or at least a very trimmed one..

>>728318576
Who doesn't?

I thought babies came out of the asshole and not the vagina

>>728311442
I'm with you, anon. Shit poor childhood too, I'm guessing, and maybe raised Christian?

You count on friends because you slowly start to realize the little family you have is selfish. My dad was (is) a paranoid schizophrenic so I can't blame him too much but people like my mother cared only for herself. She actually fought in court to NOT have custody of us.

Now you start to make friends and they're like a liferaft. Brothers forever, but you get used; thinking THIS is my real family. These are people who get me, but they walk away or drift as their own needs and desires don't mesh with your own.

The whole time, you believed that the sacrifices you made for both led to some cosmic, karmic payoff that never arrived.

Do yourself a favor anon and just don't stop being a good person. Don't be selfish, don't lie, cheat, or steal like the people around you, but start putting yourself first. You don't have to sacrifice decency to elevate yourself

>>728312368
fattie detected

>>728318254

>>Mortal Kombat is Chinese history

Why the fuck did I laugh so hard at this

>>728320797
Because it's true.

when I was younger I thought that nobody actually believed in jesus or miracles
I thought it was just like all the other little kids stories that I was told, and that the entire point of them were to entertain me/to convey morals to me

>>728321354
Your first sentence is faulty, your second one is true though.

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>>728320797
>Shang Tsung was defeated by Liu Kang, which started the Kang Dynasty
>But then, Shao Kahn showed up, ruling with an iron fist during his reign
>There were ninjas too, apparently

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I thought people actually died in movies and their families were compensated.

>>728310475
I thought niggers were a disease and if you got their nigger germs you'd turn into one too.

>>728321707
Were you never surprised to see an actor die in one movie, only to see them alive in another?

I thought Glasgow was a separate country from Scotland because I saw some immigrants speaking whatever language their country speaks. Can't remember but I'm pretty sure they were muslims.

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That girls didn't poop

>>728311332
i though this too

>>728310945
My sides dude

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>>728321832
I didn't pay attention to the actors, I just watched the movies

>>728312010
Lmao

I believed I would be a brain surgeon.

Funny how shit goes...

>>728310475
I had a girlfriend that thought that the faces on Mount Rushmore was a natural formation

>>728312395
Ed edd and edgy

>>728310475
I thought sex was only anal.

>>728314253
The second and third things on your list were things i did too

>>728315766
This is me

>>728313623
I didn't come here for feels man

They had toy babies at my nursery and one of them was black. I'd never seen a black person before so I was scared of it and tried to drown it in the sink

I believed I was the center of the universe. I believed my life was more significant than everyone else. Only really lasted until I was like 10 though.

I thought that the water that went down the drain in your sink was the water that they gave to the poor african children. So i would leave the water running to give them clean water.

>>728310475
i believed that if yoy fuckin fucked the fuking fucking bulhi you would get fucked cunt
no im seriou fvuny uoi ig you clozsed the fridge dooor before you deemed it fucking worthy bcunt then it woudl freeze you funct

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Girls actually mean it when they say
>I'm going to wait until married before having sex or kids!

>>728323095
Aw you poor bugger, who broke your heart?

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>>728323189
No one, but it's funny how SO MANY of the women who ripped on my growing up are now single mothers of multiple children, but swore up and down that they'd wait until marriage.

>Walking barefoot made you a stronger better person.
>Onions were poisonous
>That you could trust other people
>That Joseph Smith was a prophet, and that he translated another testament of Jesus Christ

>>728323477
It does give you tougher feet.
They are for dogs.
You can, but don't be gullible or stupid about it.
Good on you for getting out.

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That Kingdom Hearts 3 would ever be released

>>728310475
I used to think there was a god.

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>>728323324
OMG you still don't realize they said those things to you because they didn't want to have sex with YOU?

>>728314856
>GOP
>capable of basic reasoning

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Thought girls sat down to pee because they pissed out their buttholes

That I would be better than my parents.

When I was a kid I thought infidels, weren't humans and they were conspiring to kill all Muslims because they harbor an immense hatred towards us now I know no one gives a Fuck

>>728326035
That sounds like infidel talk right there, Mohammed.

>>728326035
watch out, you might be called an apostate and get killed for it.

>>728310475
>Pissed inside girl to get her pregnant.
>Thought ducks "bill" was actually called a "dick" cause they both started with D.
>Mfw at zoo saying "look at the ducks dick!"

i thought coffee stirrers were just little straws

When I was in kindergarten I wanted to make the girl with the most blonde hair my girlfriend because I thought I could then cut off all of her hair and put it in the freezer to make gold.

I though praying worked like a magic lamp, continually prayed for a space ship.
So bummed when I realized it wouldn't come

>>728326878
Well at least you figured it out.
Tens, maybe hundreds of millions of adults still pray to win millions of dollars.

>>728326878
There is actually a bigger chance of you being picked up by a space ship, than there is for your prayers being heard.

>>728315827
I thought that too.

>>728327014
Also for help finding where they put their car keys.

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>>728310475

When I was younger I thought Cyber Monday meant a day where they stores would exclusively discount computer's and computer accessories.

>be me 27
>when me be younger
>26

>>728327021
That's not true.
If he said them aloud the chances of the NSA picking them up is at least higher than aliens.

>>728327122
>The NSA grants wishes.

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>>728324259
But they do

>>728327194
He said heard, not care.

>>728310475
On the same level. I thought if you buried a body gravestones grew like plants.

>>728312011
Insert Daquan joke here

>>728327256
Having them heard implies having them granted.

>>728327465
See it's these kinds of basic assumptions that makes people think praying is like wishes.

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>>728323795
Kinda do now.

Of course, I think it's cruel irony (or poetic justice?) that, in their efforts to demonize me, they reproduced with the real jackasses who didn't care about them.

>>728312024
Except that's kinda true. At 1am tonight it feels like Friday night, not Saturday morning.

>>728327597
It is wishing in the wind though.
It's a way to comfort yourself, without actually doing anything productive.

>>728310475
>I thought the human body was empty inside, and eaten food would just pile up inside until you'd literally fill yourself without being able to introduce anything else. Shitting was a completely unrelated phenomenon to me.

>I thought the vagina was just a writhing mass of hair.

>I thought every actor/actress in movies could speak the language the movie was dubbed in.

>I thought adulthood would have been a somewhat automatic change.

>I thought I was destined to become a paragon of virtue.

>>728310877
>>728310945
>>728311492
>>728311858
>>728311920
>>728312010
>>728322539
>>728326468

>>728317544
>be me, about to sex girl
>she unsheathes my bone
>"what the fu-"
>a literal bone shaped like a penis
>she turns to run
>with lightning speed I impale her body onto my willy bone
>I raise her up into the sky like I'm placing a flag
>her murmurs of surprise quickly die out
>another stacy gets the bone
>retract my bone and put her corpse with the rest
>move onto my next victim

>>728329719


okey doke then

If you were to burp and fart at the same time your body would depressurise and your insides would shoot out

That if I was nice to everyone they would be nice to me. Wrong.

>>728315096
>not realizing the government has been hiding cameras ans mics in everyones home since 1982

I thought cutting your foreskin would somehow improve health and sexlife

>>728316133
I was pretty much the opposite of you. When I was 6 I pretty much forced my mom to tell me the truth that Santa and god weren't real. First I realized Santa could not possibly do the shit that people said he did, then it made me think about other shit like god and how that couldn't be real either.

I thought looks didnt matter, only the inside counts that everyone has a chance to find their significant other as real beauty is on the inside. To get married and have kids happy ever after. That life was fair and I would always be happy.

Despite this, i always wanted the pretty girls who were always out my league because that's who I imagined my life with. Only when I turned 18 or so, did i realise how stupid I have been.

>>728310475
i thought if i pretended to be a sleep my toys would come alive

I thought men couldn't breathe while doing sex.

>What about porn?
I thought, while, the camera wasn't focusing on the man, he was breathing on a mask.

I also thought I could get AIDS from jacking myself off.

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I thought that thunder was god letting loose a big fart. Told my friends that in 4th grade. Every time it thundered while we were in school we all laughed. Teacher could not figure out why.

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>>728331524
>I thought cutting your foreskin would somehow improve health and sexlife

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>>728310945

I thought that a power cord was just one big wire.

i believed that blacks should be equal

>>728314067
>>728312214
Ork xeno scum detected. Prepare to be purged