Does /b/ have advice I didn't get from my father?

>>727992403
Don't kill yourself

>>727992403
Quit touching yourself at night you fucking pig.

>>727992403
You shouldn't grow a mustache.

>>727992403

Find a purpose in your life
Dont masturbate so much, find a nice girl

Peace in your life with having a bit of money is better than no peace in life with lots of money

Shampoo is an excellent jack lube

Don't relax around the blax

>>727992826

/thread

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>>727992403
never shave against the grain. always shave with it or at most at a 90 degree angle

you'll get:
+ no risk of hair growing into your skin
+ much less skin irritation (less red skin, especially on the throat)
+ skin wont feel weird or hot afterwards

>>727992500

>Don't

Ohhhhhhhh

>>727992579
Stop touching myself, got it

>>727992701

>shaving pedo mustache

>>727992403
Once start going to university once you've already decided on a major.

>>727992403
Kill the dogs first.

>>727992403


DEPENDS. WHAT WAS HIS ADVICE?

MY DAD'S ADVICE WAS SIMPLE: TRUST NO ONE ESPECIALLY WOMEN AS THEY ARE CUNTS AND THERE IS NO GOD SO DON'T WASTE TIME ON RELIGION

MY MOM'S ADVICE WAS TRUST AND HELP EVERYONE ESPECIALLY WOMEN AND PUT YOUR LIFE IN "GOD'S HANDS"

I TOOK MY MOM'S SIDE AND IT MONUMENTALLY FUCKED MY LIFE UP.

SO WHATEVER.

>>727992921
yeah but I get a shitty shave that way. I do two with, 1 against.

>>727992968
quit crying little bitch. you aren't old enough to understand why your mother was right.

>>727992970
This

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>>727992921
also use regular soap for shaving cream. make it foam in your hands and apply as needed. saves money and your razor will last forever, shaving cream gets stuck in the razor, soap just washes out

dry the razor after shaving (blow on it, wipe with towel). if stored dry you don't need to buy a new one for months

dont use single use shaving razors unless you need to temporarily, throw them away after usage like they are intended to do or youll risk cutting yourself next day

>>727993017


ACTUALLY YOU 14 YEAR OLD SINGLE MOM RAISED PUSSY:I AM OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND MY MOM'S ADVICE WAS 100% BULLSHIT AND SHE WAS A CUNNING CUNT OF A LIAR AND A COMPLETE FRAUD: EXACTLY LIKE MY DAD SAID

YOU SEE THAT FAT PIECE OF SHIT YOU ADORE AND WORSHIP? SHE'S NUTS. TRUST ME. SHE'S BAT SHIT CRAZY.

>>727992968

OP here, it was the classic paranoid schizophrenic dad who did drugs and beat my mom on occasions. Forgive me for dumping my purse.

But no advice from him.

>>727993174


THEN JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELF SINCE YOU MOST LIKELY INHERITED HIS GENES...OR MAYBE HIS JEANS.

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brush your teeth with warm water. it expands your gum so your toothbrush reaches better. wash with cold water if you need to but it's better to avoid washing away left over toothpaste for as long as you can

get an electric toothbrush. they really are better, worth the extra money.

brush your tongue to get better breath.

brush your teeth before showering. enter shower with (new batch of) toothpaste and a tiny bit of water. gurgle that during whole shower, spit out after drying yourself. you'll have much better breath.

>>727992970
works for some that doesn't get irritated skin but you still risk having the hairs grow inward. just because it hasnt happened yet doesnt mean it might never happen (or you havent realized it has already happened)

>>727992826
>Find a purpose in your life
Dont masturbate so much, find a nice girl

Literally opposite of what I'm doing. List in life yo. No friends. No prospects. My job is driving people with literal autism and shit to places for 10.10. (I work up to 80-85 hours though but meh)

>>727992403
Get your masters' degree. The two year span you'll spend getting it will be more rewarding than two years at a shitty post-Bachelor's job, and you'll jump from 30-40k a year to upwards of 70k a year, easy - plus you'll always have the option to teach.

Buy your cars used. Bring a mechanic with you to an auction and have him do a cursory glance at cars you're interested in (they let you inspect the cars beforehand). Do some research into what they go for, and assume you'll need to put 2 grand into maintenance immediately (oil change, new tires, tune up, fixes of less than obvious things). Don't get an English-made car. Ever. Honda and Toyota are awesome, 90s-early 2ks Ford are awesome. If you want a sports car, get a `Vette or a Miata. Both give you crazy bang for your buck and are relatively easy to fix - the Miata especially.

Learn to cook. It's not hard, it looks impressive, women love it.

Don't get too attached to where you're living. There's a wide world out there. See it. Live other places, learn other languages, don't get welded into one way of doing things.

Used bookstores are the greatest fucking places on earth. You never know what you'll find there.

You can learn ANYTHING online. So start learning.

>>727993434


LMFAO.......BUT YEAH BUT THAT'S GOOD ADVICE. HE'LL FUCK UP HIS LIFE BUT HAVE NICE TEETH

Harm noone, live well

>>727993672


IF YOU HARM NO ONE, YOU WON'T LIVE WELL YOU CUCK.

IN THIS WORLD YOU ARE PREY OR PREDATOR.NO IN BETWEEN.

>>727992403
My father yelled at me so loud one night when I politely asked him to be quiet, while he was yelling at my mom, while I was trying to sleep, that I became too pussified to ask people assertively for things in life. I don't get pushed around, I just don't assert myself in a super aggressive manner.

Any fatherly advice on how to slowly overcome this? Even when I assert myself aggressively, I still feel like people aren't well... respecting it?

I don't mean that I'm trying to be demanding and unruly, just assertive and aggressive

>>727993434
OP here.

Loving all this advice anon really. Please more. I'm listening

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do 11 pushups and 11 squats every time you go to the bathroom. it'll do wonders to your health and takes almost no time to do.

11 and not 10 because you'll trick yourself to do 12 or more sometimes and you can be sure you did at least 10 proper ones

go slow down and fast up on the pushups

>>727993511
Can you please adopt me?

>>727992962
OP here

Quit "clown college" (community college) after one year. Couldnt take the liberal's.

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>>727993741
oh shit, the pressure

uh

use a lid in the microwave but rinse it under water before you put it in. the extra moisture surrounding your food will distribute heat evenly and make your food less dry

Go see a psychologist once every few years, even if you don't think you have any major issues. Just to talk things out. Barring that, find a pub - well lit, warm, comforting, oak and brass, not pine and chrome - and an older bartender to talk to. The results are more mixed, but cheaper.

Newegg and Fry's are your best bet for building computers - Newegg anywhere, Fry's on the west coast. Don't bother buying fancy cases, just get a decent, cheap Cooler Master case. A good fan/cooling system is always worth investing in, though.

If you want to learn a martial art (and there's no good reason not to), find a legit school of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Thai kickboxing, Krav Maga, or - if you want to learn less as a 'tear them a new one' thing and more a 'self-perfection' thing - most schools of Gongfu/Chinese Kenpo/Wuxia. A martial arts school should not offer a 'quick' black belt - always ask them how long it takes to get a black belt when you're considering one. If the answer is under four years, leave. Also leave if they offer black belts for kids under the age of 13.

Read. Take most of the mobile games off your phone (especially that Pokemon Go shit). Put on a free e-reader app like Aldiko and bootleg epub versions of great literature. You can slam through most of Hemingway's stuff in less than a month, just reading in 10-20 minute increments when you're waiting for things to finish.

Don't get cable. Get a good internet provider and sign up for Hulu, Netflix, and Sling TV. Also, get a VPN to obscure your internet browsing practices from your provider, because fuck Donald Trump. The Calyx Institute offers unthrottled, unlimited 4g internet for $500/yr - take them up on it if you live somewhere with shitty country internet. Subsequent years are only $400/yr.

Hug people. Don't feel like you need to put up a strong front. Men can be affectionate. Men can be tender. It takes strength to cry, and it takes strength to hold someone when they're crying.

>>727994079
Kek no pressure anon..

Eventually the thread will die but I'll have some cool screenshots

>>727993923
I'm still getting my shit together, friend. Perhaps I'll be ready to adopt one day this decade.

Raw or strapped when I hit the club?

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The world is gonna roll you, you ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.

>>727993881
Is this a good way to build muscle?

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>>727992403

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>>727993511
More awesome advice. I'm kinda afraid of going back to school to be honest. Quit because excuse and now I probably will fail academically.

Glad to say that I'm almost paid of my car (took the stupid debt route but almost done) car is Japanese. Nissan Altima. Pretty reliable. Might be a sissy car but it's my first car
Pic related

Cooking I can totally get behind. I kinda cook already. But not healthy food.

As soon as I'm done with my car it'll defiantly boost what little I have in my savings. I want to get out out of this city so I can totally get behind that too

>>727995006
OP here

Keked

Last block of advice from my ass for now:

Don't burn your bridges when you leave a job. Doesn't matter if it was the worst damn job in the world. Hand in your two weeks' notice (two copies - have the boss sign one and hand it back to you 'for your files'). Work hard (or look like you're working hard) until the job's done. Then at least when your next job calls them up, they'll have to say that yes, you'd be eligible for re-hire if you applied again. In a lot of states, that's the only thing they can ask ex-employers.

Goodwill and other thrift stores are shockingly good places to get clothes. Old jeans, leather jackets - I picked up a London Fog trenchcoat with a great lining for two bucks once. Still use it.

Save 10% of every paycheck, minimum. Put it into an interest bearing account. Make sure that you're paying off any old debt and keep your credit rating over 600, ideally over 640. Then when you have a good amount saved up and a steady job, start looking for real estate. Aim for a three bedroom - that way you can rent out rooms to your friends for your monthly house payment.

Get a vasectomy. That way you don't have to worry about child support payments. If you find the right girl for you (or guy for you, I'm not gonna judge either way), adopt. There are an incredible amount of kids out there that just want someone to love them, that just want to come home to someone that'll be there for them. Your dad didn't do a great job... so you already have the blueprint for how to raise a kid. Do what you always wanted him to do. Do what he didn't.

You're a better man already - you can do this shit.

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Always carry a lemon...

>use it to find out if girl has std before having sex
>squeeze lemon on pussy if she yells "owwwwwchhhhhhh" enter at your own risk

>Always use a lemon during solo auto erotic asphyxiation
>put lemon in mouth
>if you pass out you bite the lemon and wake up

>>727995022
Don't be afraid of going back to school. I had a fistful of F's in my first attempt to get my Bachelor's. Dropped out, jobbed for a few years, went back to another school. It's going well.

An Altima is a decent vehicle. I can't say anything bad about it, really. Better than the Sentra.

"Healthy" is a spectrum. Everything's gonna be bad for you in some way. Check out Alton Brown - he's basically the Bill Nye of food.

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>>727994770
it's given me visible results but naturally being dedicated and lifting iron at a gym will do more

i can recommend putting old newspapers, magazines or other junk in plastic bags from super markets and lifting them at home

just keep them somewhere and every time you walk by you pick them up and do 11 lifts in various ways. a great way to build naturally useful muscles, you'll mostly use them to lift shopping bags in life anyway.

strengthens shoulders, back and arms and you'll get better posture too as long as you make sure to lift while standing properly

>>727995287
Kek'd

>>727995387
What if I lift like... 11 each after every videogame hour. Will that build muscle?

>>727995528
body weight doesnt build as much esp if you only do 11 lol.
They also only target specific muscles and dont cover what you really need so dont rely on just that

>>727995126
>Get a vasectomy.
lulz, great finish. even if youre not joking, adoption isn't for everybody. some people actually do need blood connection to be able to feel love for their kid. you don't have to like it, it's just reality.

>>727995126
OP
This

Thanks anon. I'm taking all these screenshots. Your advise need not go to waste

>>727995287
>squeeze lemon on pussy if she yells "owwwwwchhhhhhh" enter at your own risk

Kekd but are you forreal? Will it work with most unseen sti's?

>>727995600
I wasn't kidding. And if you 'need a blood connection', or couldn't love your kid if they came out with a mental disorder, or ended up gay, or trans... well, you're just not fit to be a dad.

That's cool. Not everyone can do it. A guy has to recognize his limits.

>>727993737
I think that you're repressing your anger when you ask for things, I have the opossite problem, if someone does something that bothers me I'll shout at him agressively, try to show the anger that you have inside when talking

>>727995815
>well, you're just not fit to be a dad.
that's wrong, someone can be an excellent day. they just need to know the kid is theirs.

>>727995796
The lemon works for most things it's an art form perfected by sailors in the east Asian countries. I've only ever contracted one std that is curable with acid and doesn't threaten my health.
>condoms suck

>>727995958
We'll have to agree to disagree on this one, Anon.

>>727995318
OP here
You're totally right anon. I can't let these liberal fags be the reason I don't want to go back. I'm letting them win.

Yeah it's a real reliable car. Only problem I've had was my a.c. compressor but I think it was my fault it fried. $11,000 give or take to go. Paying extra to total amount owed. Lowered my payments at least 20%

Alton is the shit! Wish they'd bring back 'good eats' that was a show for men in my eyes

>>727992403
I have 2 kids, ask me anything.

How will you feel when one of your family members molest them?

>>727996223

OP here

Okay, Question I was always afraid to ask. Do parents know literally everything about their kids. Like even some of their kids secrets? Weird question. But I think I already know the answer.

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>>727996383

>>727996096
OP here

Wow first time I have ever heard of that. Damn. Fucking sex ed sucks man.

>>727996383
OP here, I was molested by my father and his friends when they drank this went on for years. I enjoyed the attention til a school counselor told me it was wrong, that's when it fucked me up and the reason I'm bisexual

>>727996384
Yes, they think they can hide things and lie. They can't.

>>727996805
Are you male or female?

>>727994312
Lol fag

>>727996883
Male but thinking of transitioning to female I've just never felt comfortable male thh, I occasionally dress up female and go out in public I luke the attention and feel comfortable

Don't get sodomized while you're sleeping

>>727996988
Your Dad was wrong for doing that to you.