I'm a registered forestry technician AMA

>>727688161
Why are coconuts so hard to break?

I read it as foreskin technician.

Do you do that too?

>>727688161
>>727688312
Any tips for removing splinters from my pee pee?

>>727688262
Because the coconut tree values hard work.
>>727688312
I have no foreskin so I wouldn't know.
>>727688419
Stop raping trees. You need to have consent.

>>727688312
>>727688419
lol'd

>>727688476
>Because the coconut tree values hard work.
Wrong, coconuts belong to palm trees, not regular trees.
Confirmed for fake foreskin technician.

>>727688476
>Stop raping trees. You need to have consent.
It seemed willing

>>727688622
I'm only aware of Canadian tree species
>>727688812
Verbal consent or it's rape.

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My girl won't trim her bush, how do I into that? The neighbors keep making comments

how do I become a forestry technician?

>>727689108
Beat the shit out of her
>>727689243
1 or 2 year diploma program

>>727688161
HOW DID YOU BALANCE THAT TREE LIKE THAT OMG?!?!!?!?

>>727689398
The forest is a magical place.

>>727688854
>Verbal consent or it's rape
Idk, you are no lawyer

>>727689564
I speak for the forest, you serial rapist.

>>727688476

A foreskin technician without foreskin? That's like studying gender politics without a gender. SHIIEEEEEE

>>727689335

is it a graduate degree kind of program or like a job training kind of program like what nurses do?

>>727688161
The Austrian Economic Model predicts the lush rain forests of Antarctica are too advanced for us to recognize them at all.
Are they really that advanced? Have we managed to detect them yet, or do we still need to advance our understanding of economics before we can?

>>727689644
Dirty hippy. Cut your hair!

>>727689655
I identify as a cumulonimbus cloud

my pronouns are "that" "cloud" and "rain machine"
>>727689724
It's just a technical program
>>727689738
There are no trees in Antarctica
>>727689772
I'm going in for it tomorrow or the next day.

>>727689896
>There are no trees in Antarctica
Wrong. The whole continent is covered in lush rain forests. It's just that they're too advanced for us to detect them.

>>727688161
I have 20 acres in upstate New York state. should I let fallen trees rot, or get them out?

>>727690116
Depends on your values. Are you trying to have a high yield or is it just recreational?

>>727689724
Nursing, like R.N. is a graduate program, with technical training part of it, dumbass. Not like a fucking auto mechanic, which makes money but doesn't require a degree.

>>727690228
You can't be a forest tech without a diploma

>>727690201
Not really doing anything with it. What's best for the health of the forest?

>>727688161
Is that like the sex offender registry?

>>727690382
Just leave it. Dead standing trees are dangerous but they're great for many kinds of wildlife.

You might want to do a forest management plan and that will help you decide what kinds of trees and other plants you want which will affect how you care for the forest. (eg. if you want pine trees, clear the ground, if you want maple you want x type of soil)

Only costs a few hundred to get one of me out there and you could make a really beautiful forest.

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>>727688161
Can you identify if something is wood or not?

>>727688854
Wow I bet that was some hard schooling....

>>727690678
I've spent many hours studying and classifying different kinds of wood. I can name over 50 species.
>>727690696
It was easier than highschool.

>>727690782
name 50 kinds wich is the better wood you have touched and smelled ?

>>727690342
Yes you can. It's a bullshit degree, it makes it easier to get a job but it really doesn't matter. O look you know the different quercus good thing you spent two years studying Canadian tree species

>>727690945
A true woodsman uses all 5 senses, anon.

>>727690945
I'm not going to name every tree species I know of, but for smell its basswood,. and for looks its white or red oak or hard maple
>>727691031
It carries the same weight of being a professional engineer. You get put in a registry and get a silver ring for your pinky.

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>>727690782
>I've spent many hours studying and classifying different kinds of wood
What kind of wood is this?

>>727691193
gaywood. i think you'll like the smell

>>727691074
>he can hear the wood

What level is he even on?

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There's a lot going on here

>>727690782
Yes I know it was, I had to take a class of you faggots to a nature preserve site to show the regrowth of silver maples for some reason and besides someone picking an endangered cypripedium and someone called firs pines it felt like taking elementary school kids on a field trip.

>>727688161
>registered forestry technician

oh good lord
pulling a cord until it goes zoom zoom
throwing slash in a chipper
wear an orange vest so everyone can see how technical you are

>>727691146
>same weight as a professional engineer
BTW engineers wear a steel or wrought iron ring not a silver ring

>>727691941
I don't cut trees you stupid.
>>727692021
Silver > Iron

>>727692087
The ring of an engineer is not silver. I'm not an engineer I'm in plant physiology but comparing yourself to an engineer is degrading to people who had to actually do something for their degree rather then twiddle their thumbs for two years. No one respects you as one

>>727692388
>The ring of an engineer is not silver.
Obviously I know this. Are you fucking dumb?

>>727692461
You said you were given a silver pinky ring

what is it like to study so hard, yet be doomed to a life of poverty? But I guess trees are cool, nonetheless

>>727692748
And?

>>727692818
I didn't study hard and I make enough money.

>>727692867
How's it feel to know you wasted two years of your life to get a job that you could have just had for the past two years instead?

>engineer
.....

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what kind of tree is this?

Do you trust tree ring data? What vpn do they use to protect their database? Can we use that technology? Do they prefer digital or analog clocks? Inb4 sundials, fuck you, it's not a stick in the ground

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OP here. I've always enjoyed experiencing trees for what they really are.

>>727688161
what is the strongest wood known to man ?

>>727693070
I studied 1 year (and had fun doing so) and I'm in a REGISTRY.

REGISTERED forestry technician. I even have a silver ring to prove it.
>>727693143
Hard to say. Looks like compound leaves so I'll go with black ash
>>727693148
Yes to all of that.
>>727693275
Strongest wood I'm aware of is Ironwood.

how hard would it be to build a house inside a hollowed-out redwood tree?

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What kind of tree is this?

>>727693258
This video might help not OP
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDhtQTQYwII

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what the fuck is up with this tree?

>>727693663
>what the fuck is up with this tree?

This one is growing curved, either naturally or otherwise.

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>>727693329
Post ring

>>727693329
You think that's an ash? Holy shit I figured they'd teach you at least SOMETHING in those programs, you should be able to tell by the bark of that one. I'm in the same registry. Hornbeam isn't nearly the strongest as well, like by far

>>727693468
very. Really old redwoods are just mush inside and can topple in a heavy wind.
>>727693579
Looks tropical. I wouldn't know.
>>727693663
Careful engineering?
>>727693795
Actually I lost it in an airport in Minnesota and havent bothered to get a new one (they're like $80)
>>727693850
Then what is it?

>>727693782
why would a tree grow like that naturally?

>>727688161
>>727688161
So what's the mean in reality? Groundskeeper, ranger, park security?

Usually when people use the term "technician" it means something really shitty like maintenance technician (janitor) or sanitary technician (garbage man), so what's it really mean?

>>727693579

>>727693981
>Looks tropical. I wouldn't know.

Lyonothamnus floribundus - ironwood dipshit.


Where the fuck did you get your degree?

>>727693981
take a horticulture/botany class op, fuck trees.

>>727693981
>Actually I lost it in an airport in Minnesota and havent bothered to get a new one (they're like $80
So how do you prove you are a forest tech? Secret handshakes?

>>727693981
Schinopsis spp.

>>727694120
I do mostly tree marking and timbercruising. I've also done some border making and road layouts, as well as helping natives identify and protect culturally important trees.
>>727694176
Meh
>>727694129
That's one fucked up ironwood. I've never seen one that big.
>>727694240
Name in a book and a diploma certificate.

>>727688161
fucked my 55yo mom in a hotel http://imcest.com

>>727694120
Actually to be a ranger is pretty intensive and it's super competitive, most have a doctorate

>>727694441
That's just not true. Maybe in America...

>>727694335
It would help natives identify and protect trees if you knew how to identify them first.... a forestry TECHNICIAN registry doesn't mean shit

>>727694335
Average number of ticks you find on yourself per week?

>>727694520
There's a difference between a ranger and a guy who gets to drive a jeep in a uniform

if a tree falls in the forest and nobody's there to hear it, do you still have to write a report?

>>727694441
I have family who works for the national park service (10years). You don't need a PhD but it's super competitive and he only gets seasonal work because all the full timers hold their jobs until they die.

>>727694607
They go out with me and we look for things and I put a buffer around them. What the fuck are you talking about?
>>727694631
None so far...
>>727694732
I don't know what you think a ranger is, but it sounds like you're thinking of a CO.
>>727694830
Just a GPS marker will do.
>>727694886
One nice thing about being in forestry right now is that like 70% of the work force is retiring in the next 10 years.

>>727688161
do you program trees?

>>727694335
How's it feel to know I can literally walk behind you and tell you no, no, no, as you spray paint x's on trees and if you have one cut down I can technically arrest you, or just have you charged ?

>>727695116
And you are??

I'm the one who writes people up, motherfucker.

>>727695116
how does it feel to know you're the kind of faggot who would make a federal case out of a tree?

>>727695304
I wouldn't out of a tree, some plants I'd charge people for poaching for though but that's standard if I was in the field.

>>727695476
yeah but why would you follow around a forestry technician? do they have a habit of poaching plants?

>>727695206
A chemist overall technically, but botanist and plant pathologist. I work with conservation though as well, my job though is developing pesticides targeting deterrence of mammals. But I'm a federal officer technically, even got a badge and a gun son.

>>727696142
So you're a CO?

There are like literally 10 COs in Ontario

>>727695590
Actually yes, but no I wouldn't follow him around I'm just saying I could have him arrested for marking a tree for harvest

>>727688312
dead

>>727696266
Nope

>>727696330
I've never heard of you and I doubt you can ticket me for using better judgement on a contract for marking a harvest.

do you ever find magic mushrooms in the woods?

>>727696420
I'm an officer in the United states and yes I still can, I'd be obligated under CITES and I've worked in Canada before

>>727696576
Yes. One time I filled 2 garbage bags.
>>727696599
So you're an officer who is interested in conservation but you're not a conservation officer?

>>727696420
Better judgement, hell you don't even know what an ash looks like, or ironwood

>>727696663
Not by title

>>727696707
u're bean trying to trick me :(
>>727696765
Then what the fuck is your title?

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>>727688161
DOES THIS MAKE YOU RANDY, BABY?

Serious question. Can you really make a profit buying land, planting trees, and harvesting them? If so is it a good profit margin, like better than the market? Or do the big industrial tree farms have some other stuff going on?

>>727689644
Loled

>>727696861
Not really. There's a guy in particular I learned about who is trying to prove that you can, but he works like 14 hours a day,

It would be an OK investment if you were 20 and bought a pine plantation and then harvested it and sold it when you retire, but there's so many variables like fire and wind and vandalism that it's a pretty risky investment.

>>727688161
Best plant to keep at home? I have a little bamboo so far

>>727697093
I dunno. Whatever you fancy.

Get a bonsai tree

does the lorax really speak for the trees?

>>727697207
The crown does. Not all harvesting is evil.

>>727696794
I'm a chemist, a chemical engineer actually, I even have a stainless steel ring. But an officer of the DNR and EPA, I do conservation work with north American orchids mostly. Really I just do chemistry, other shit is just technically, but I do have a badge and a gun in my desk not that I'd ever have to use them, well badge yes.

>>727697178
That's not helpful at all. Also, I heard bonsai trees are difficult to look after

>>727693579
Not op but isn't that just a eucalyptus?

>>727697306
Interesting.
>>727697330
I deal with large scale forestry operations, not potted plants.

how many dead bodies have you found in the woods?

>>727697406
Orchid stuff is out of hobby but I work at a state research center

>>727697555
Trips AND a cool job. You got it all man.

>>727697642
I like it but yeah enough fucking around do you like it? I went to some old growth forests before up in your neck of the woods but southern Ontario and was awesome

>>727697979
I quickly learned that loving the outdoors wasn't enough, but I feel that with an education I can mix office time with field work so I don't turn into some kind of spirit walker who spends all his time outdoors.

>>727694335
How do you get work? Are you just independent and people hire your for one off jobs or do you work for some kind of forestry service or what? Doesn't sound like it could pay the bills just having your name in a registry

>>727688161
my name Jeff

>>727698116
I have to make excuses to do field work but have students now and it sucks, it's good for some things but at least Canada has their shit together when it comes to forestry, I mean like sustainability and farm runoff and environmental concerns. I'm only slightly a hippy though don't get me wrong but the US has shit for priorities already depending on the state you live in.

>>727698357
I've worked for Halliburton Conservation and Wildlife reserve and for the Toronto Conservation Authority, but am unemployed at the moment
>>727698598
The biggest difference between our two countries is that Canada has 80% crown land, whereas America has 20, which means making legislation towards sustainable forestry and all that is a lot easier to pass.

It's not just everyone squeezing the fuck out of their little forests.

>>727696765
Not op but you sound supper gay and douchey. Just tell us what you are with proof you larping attention whore

>>727697070
Right, but even without risk would your return even be significantly more than what your money would get in the stock market? Not to mention the ongoing maintenance.

>>727698838
That's true, most people down here don't give a shit about the future of the land though

>>727688161
I feel like you nerve-gassed me, OP.

>>727699094
They're trees..... it's a good investment for your kids to reap

>>727699282
Sorry.
>>727699298
You can also have a killer forest to have fun in for years to come. You can do partial harvesting (single tree selection) and tailor your forest to be super cool and get handed down for generations.

That's what the Germans do anyway.

>>727688161
What kind of wood is my penis made from?

>>727699930
We covered this. It's gaywood

>>727700091
Thanks for clarifying. I didn't know wood could be both a soft and hardwood

>>727699428
It takes years to become really a forest and not just land with trees on it.

>>727700270
It all depends on what you're going for

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>>727688161
Found this thread late, hope you're still answering questions. This type of job sounds amazing to me. I want to be outdoors, in nature doing different things every day. Is that really what the job is like? I have a liberal arts background (not lab science unfortunately)--can I still cut it in this field? Any tips for getting jobs in this industry greatly appreciated. Booting glorious tree porn.

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>>727699930

>>727700558
>I want to be outdoors
Not enough. Everybody loves the outdoors. You have to be in it rain or shine bugs or snow or anything. The Majesty of outdoors wears off really quickly.

If you are interested in primary industry and like to dabble in a lot of different fields then go for it.

Some days are a nice hike through the woods, others are just crap.

>>727700558
Also, from a forestry perspective, that tree in your pic is 100% garbage lol

>>727688161
do you specialize in morning wood?

>>727697368
have you ever even seen a fucking eucalyptus tree? Fuck the leaves, but the bark isn't even remotely close you fucking idiot.

>>727700762
Seasons I can handle. Bugs maybe not. I think I'm out.

>>727690782
if thats true and you can name over 50 species, name the one I'm thinking of right now

>>727701290
Sorry to bust your bubble

>>727701473
Eastern White Cedar.

i used to cut timber in ohio, hardwood mostly and poplar for pallet lumber.. I also operated a John Deere 740 cable winch skidded it trail builder blade and a husky brute tree length loader and buck saw

>>727701666
Forestry equipment is badass. Ever seen a fellerbuncher?

>>727701666
skidder with a trail builder blade

>666 /b/ros

>>727701779
yeah dude, they're awesome.. people show it to me at my new job like its gonna put every timber cutter out of business lol.. nope... its awesome though

>>727702013
>like its gonna put every timber cutter out of business
You can never replace the human faller. Cheap and super precise.

>>727688161
I have a stump I need to remove. How would I do this without reattaching the leg?

>>727702374
Acid

>>727702334
that and id love to see that thing pick up a huge white oak and try to zip the limbs off it it like it does with frail pine limbs lol

>>727688161
> Technician-a person employed to look after technical equipment
What part of the tree is considered technical equipment?

>>727703094
Trees are machines

>>727688161
What do trees taste like? Do they know fear?

>>727703301
They all taste different and yes

>>727703286
So he adds the tree grease?

>>727703872
Yes