Why am i such a piece of garbage /b/

>>727088520
Because you are fat

>>727088520
Because you are ugly

>>727088520
because you come to this place way too often for far too long.

cause its 2k17 and u straight outta CKY

>>727088520
We aren't psychics you nigger, you tell us.

>>727088746
Alot of it is mental i guess, I was breed from garbage, so i feel like its the only thing i can do with my life.

Currently living in my alienated dads basement and want to off myself.

Life is so tiring.

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>>727088520
You have potential, work out, get a new haircut.
Where are u sitting, is this a basement?

>>727089005
film it

>>727089005

Can you work that guitar into your suicide ?

>>727089005
>>727089065
Appearance wise you're fine so you don't need to change your hair or whatever

>>727089065
Yeah in a basement.
SURPRISINGLY not a virgin (Albiet only had sex once)

I have so much optimism but its crushed by reality and how it kinda blows.

>>727089162
Eh, if i suicide, you can have it yo.

>>727089200
I know that feel, that's just how life is.

>>727088520
Cool pop you got there!

>>727088520
Lose some weight man, you'll feel better.

Your dad cant be so alienated if he lets you live in his basement and why don't you get artistic and do a mural on them breeze blocks

>>727089375
Hes got a lil mac amiibo next to him.
They my buds.

Eh, maybe i just needa try to be pro at a fighting game, atleast that makes me feel fulfillment.

>>727089422
>>727089065
Ive been consistantly losing weight since highschool, stanfby for a fat picture of me in school

>>727089502
I'm rdy, OP. Lemme see that shit.

>>727088520
shape up OP you'll be alright as long as you make yourself alright

>>727089477
He cant be THAT alienated your right.
But it was 7 years before i talked to him that i decided to move up here, just ot find out he has a crazy coke addiction.

Coming from a herion head home, its not really what i wanted in a new place to live.

>>727089581
have you ever done coke with your dad? maybe he'd enjoy that

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>>727089554
Heres me with Mc lars, yt cracker, and schaffer the darklord when i was like 14

>>727088520
Youre a human being thats why mate

>>727089581

Coke aint so bad at least theres periods of enthusiasm

>>727089695
>>727089836
>>727089695
i did an adderal with him once, i refuse to snort pills though and he kinda forced it onto me.
Im a pot smoker, i have a deep seeded hate for pills, just cuz what they did to my family.

Doesnt help that he had a heart atk from it like 2 weeks ago and then told ALL his kids that THEY were what caused it not the coke.

Its really beyond the whole "HE DOES DRUGS" things its more 'the person who is supposed to be my parent lied to me AGAIN' Trust issues i guess

>>727089712
>that water bottle tho

>>727089712

Fer fucks sake you look way better and thinner than you did then stop being such a whiny little cunt and recognize success when you have it

>>727090037
I was too excited to be there to care how i looked in the moment.
Looking back on it, hah yeah its dumb pics.

>>727090126
I understand that, but my question is and has always been: is it really success if it doesnt make you feel fufilled?

Ive been wanting to see a therapist for a long time, i DO think that would help.

I just feel better around my fucked up piers on /b/

success doesn't let you feel fulfilled

you do what you like to do... and when you start doing this successfully you start feeling fulfilled

and success is not always money... it can be social, moral etc. success

>>727090980
Monetary gain is the last thing on my list, Its just too important to modern living for it to take a back seat.

I crave more intimate relationships with just everyone, not even like a GF thing. Just feel like the whole 'Talking to people about stuff' went to the wayside

I have low faith in our culture (U.S culture) its work from 18-60 or be starved and homeless. Tis' fucked

tell more about your family

>>727091996
ALright, well keep me bumped, ill give you the whole breakdown of my pshyche and why I THINK im here.

>>727092150
Younger me like 5-7
>Have a few first memories where life was pretty trill
>Remember mom and dad having SOME issues
>They are both alcoholics
>Things start to progress down a bad road
>Remember seeing alot of my dad beating the everliving shit out of my mom
>Tries to stop it as a 5-7 year old
>didnt understand just didnt like seeing it
>cont

>>727092331
same time frame maybe a few years later
>Things continue
>mom and dad still together despite the beatings my mom got
>Eventually move out of that house to new place
>Think things will be better here
>Within 3 months of moving there and draining our money to fix it up
>Dad is found to be cheating on my mom with her sister
>They divorce
>Family (mom, me, brother, sister) is poor and squatting in a house with no electricity
>Wtf man.
>cont

>>727092538
>Its around easter when i was 12
>mom has new boyfriend
>Easter night rolls around
>mom and boyfriend went out the night before
>wake up easter morning to all my relatives sitting around, crying and whatnot
>Tell me my mom was in a wreck
>50% chance to live
>Awesome easter morning.

>>727092714
>mom is critical condition
>Eventually she pulls through
>Sweet my mom isnt dead
>they give HUGE prescriptions of opiates
>mom takes them to not feel pain
>Doctor KEEPS her prescribed
>A year or so after the accident and she is back in pretty much good shape
>She finds out you can sell these pills for like 20$ a pop
>The drug pen begins.
>Im still like 13-14 at this point.
>No money other than childsupport, Foodstamps, and drug money
>get berated in school all the time because my mom is the 'town drug dealer'

SHould i keep going?

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>>727088520
you look like a young general sam

how old are you now?

>>727093264
Im 20 now almost 21, so theres still a bit of the story.
just dont wanna tell it if people dont wanna hear it.

I'm finished rolling my joint so go on

>>727088520
Because you see yourself as such, stop being so faggoty and do some shit to improve yourself.

>>727092959
>eventually the whole crackdown on doctors prescribing opiates rolls around
>My moms income sorce is gone
>Right around the bathsalts/spice craze
>Mom knows a guy who runs a bathsalts/spice store
>She starts slinging that shit
>People are fucking crazy
>Told them no to knock past 12 til 7am
>People sitting in our parkinglot FROM 12 TO 7
>See mom and her boyfriend getting crazy on these 'bathsalts'
>Lots of raids on main suppliers house
>She doesnt get bathsalts anymore
>she still wants opiates AND money
>Next logical step
>Shake and bake meth and herion
>im still 15 at this point
>cont

>>727088520
>Why am i such a piece of garbage /b/

Because you're always looking for someones validation, even when it's ripping in you

>>727093756
>Herion is the fucking devil
>Meth makes people go insane
>Mom is hopped up heavily on both
>Has many black drug dealer 'friends'
>eventually my mom gets stopped by these black people and threatened
>They said "our kids need a christmas too, and im sure your kids have presents in there if you dont have cash"
>Dont feel safe in my own home
>Eventually move out with my little sister and my friend
>Mom still fucking crazy as shit
>shes 3 days awake on a meth binge
>tries to rob my brother and gram at knifepoint for 20$
>She ends up going to jail
>Uncle/landlord of the house i was staying at hates me
>basically forces me and my sister to move out on our own (i was 17 she was 15)
>So i moved to a friends grandparents house and lived in a basement.

>>727088520
You only become who you think you are destined to be.

>>727094046
>got job
>tried to fix things for me and my sister
>feel overwhelmed from all this shit
>eventually just cant handle the pressure and my freind made the executive choice to contact my dad for me
>Dad i hadnt talked to in 7 years after seeing him beat my mom and stuff
>Dad seems like he wants to help
>Dad also has a huge coke problem the rest of the family knows NOTHING about
>He tells me all this shit though
>Dude has a heart attack and blames ALL of the kids for 'stressing' him out to much.

Thats pretty much where i am now, just lost.
Dont really know what to do, dont really got anyone i can confide it. IT really kinda sucks man

show picture of your sister

>>727094319
Nah.

>>727094370
hah.. jus jokin

does your dad got a life insurence

>>727094659
No, he quit his job where he did have good life insurance, and went with a job where he could be home nightly.

ok.. first of all.. you have to leave your family... their poison to you and your sister.. (btw what's with your other brother?) and then start again..

>>727095078
OH fuck i completely left that part of the story out, guess i just dont like to think of it
He also got into hetion and meth after years of telling me "when we're 18 we are out of here"
SO i lost faith in him as a person because he still hates me because i didnt accept him doing herion

Also thats the position im in now, but without a license and a decent job, im fucked. Stuck sitting in this basement feeling like i fucked up my life and worse yet my sisters.

Its alot of depression and anxst and ive even expressed to my dad and stepmom how i NEED to see a therapist, to no avail.

you don't need a therapist... just a job and a few normal people to talk with..

>>727095852
Thats what i tell myself, but idk, maybe its a mental barrier, maybe im just bad at convo.

Im really easy goign to talk to and such, i guess i just dont make a big enough impact on anyone to pursue some sort of friendship.

I generally feel like people are gonna drop me like a bad habit anyways from past experiances.

Basically its like a lot of people said, im bitching about stuff, but it IS a legit problem that impacts my life and i WANT it to be helped, i just cant do it on my own.

You don't sound like garbage to me. You sound like the only one of your family doing the right things.

You look like a pretty cool guy. I'd call you "friend."

you can't tell me that you can't find a job... today i was at a barber shop I got shaved by a 20 year old refugee from Iraq.. I live in Germany btw... he lives here for about 1 1/2 years.. first in a refugee camp now in a small apartment...he learned German very well and he got a job now... and looks for a bigger apartment... sooo.... if he can...

>>727096352
No no i HAVE a job, its just a really shitty minimum wage one thats part time. Without a license i rely on the parentals to drive me around, so its gotta be close, and this is the only one close by i can get atm. Not enough to make any life changing things. Ive been trying to save some $$ up, but its not the easiest with paychecks of like 130$ a week.

Don't go looking for new friends to help you, people aren't like that. Get a skill, work hard, give it time. Things will fall into place if you're positive and you work harder than everyone else.

>>727096545
Thats my conflict though, Its hard to keep positive in a situation where life repeatedly shits on you, you just kinda expect things to fail.

My optimism is off the charts, but the tests of reality have told me time and time again that you dont get what you deserve in any respects.