Do it.

"Can't download this at the moment. You're going to have to edit it yourself."

>>726540040
''Hey sorry I didn't replied to you I was bathing the dog what's up''

"Alright, I may see what's up tomorrow then."

"1 star"

just like this thread

>>726540040
"Don't tell boss reptile man tho"

>>726540040
"It reminds me of Malcolm's anus"

>>726540040
"Ur mom is a man"

File: elmo-abby-julia-sesame-street-autsim-today-151021-tease-02_fd4314d1c72752a29c95255eaa041de3.jpg (425KB, 2500x1407px) Image search: [Google]

425KB, 2500x1407px

French Vanilla


This is probably what bae thinks about when I order one

>>726540040 "That's awesome! Did Jess have a fun time?"

"Mom, What's the netflix password ?"

>>726541346
The name Jess has some sentiment to me, so I gotta ask, did Jess have fun?

"I really wish we did that when I was there"

>>726540040
"88 cents for a reusable water bottle is a fantastic deal btw"

"Ooh. Very nice. I'm definitely tempted but I have no time."

Lmao rip

Hey babydoll, hope work is going okay. What time are you off today?

>>726540040
>Lol, see you soon

>>726540040
"wtf"

simple but fitting

>>726541592

tbh that is a pretty good deal

"Actually I just got back from the store. Thanks though"

"Hey mom, I'll call you back."

>>726541520
She was kinda eh about it, it caught her interests a few times but for the most part she just wanted to go home

Love you too momma

It was really fun.

"Guess what I'm doing for spring break"

"8 feet"

>>726540040
It's not taxoplasma motherfucking gondii

>>726541592
>>726541733
All water bottles are reusable

Did you find your wallet?

>>726541733
Ikr?

>>726540379
Jesus fucking Christ I know this is fake but this wins.

>>726541798
Well shit, that sucks. Hopefully wherever she goes next time is more enthralling.

"Dang, that's awful. Hopefully it won't last long."

"See, I'm useful for things now and then"

>>726540040

Sent to my friend:

'Pick me up in 20 minutes, gotta take a shit.'

>>726540040
Hey mom, do you hate niggers too or what?

>>726540040
It translates to "good to hear"

Bitch I asked you first

"Oy Vey"

Ok I'll eat something else

"that big reptile boss keeps shooting me looks lol"

Why'd you miss the bus

"There's no knowing what's going on up stairs."
>In context of talking about a retarded kid coming out as 'otherkin'.

So do you have any plans today or what?

the baby woke up

dont think any are going that way and im still waiting on stick

>>726540040
"Wow, 10’ is full size."

>>726542183
>coming out as otherkin
You can't come out as retarded

>>726540040
"938597494"

>>726540040
Just finished watching goodfellas, it was actually really really good.

>>726540040
Just finished

Shitty

>>726540040
"do you live alone"
"no i live with my gold fish"

Goodnight I love you too

"Night, baby, Love you"

>>726540040
>"tampons"
text before: "just got finished with supper, need anything from the store?"

>>726540040

:3

>this is literally the the second to last text I sent

Why?

"Yeah, I got you"

"If you want to after, I'll pay for your food man"

>>726542737
tits or gtfo

>>726540040

>"I'm missing the scales and the anus" that was the last message you sent me last year

... it was for a biology assignment

>>726540040
What ever works for you man your accuracy is heaps better.

Not even kidding this was my last text.

>>726540040
"WHEN YOU EXPECTING A CREAM PIE BUT SHE A VIRGIN"
>ITS REAL NIGGA HOURS AYYYYYYY

File: 1462392665737.jpg (214KB, 345x336px) Image search: [Google]

214KB, 345x336px

>>726542925
kek

"Guess you'll never know! ;)"

10/10

>>726540040
>going home at 4, mightn't see you today

was to my GF

>>726540040
"Good night."

"That I'm going to have lunch in Hector's house"

>>726541938
technically, but don't be an 'akchuilly' faggot anon

"Hey, you got my 50 bucks. I'm flat broke lol"

Don't think it works

"I think I'm gonnaaaa"

I picked up my phone thinking it was gonna say some stupid shit. i mean i guess it fuckin did

"Yeah i got everything. I also got 2 chicken pot pies for dinner one night and chicken noodle soup. When did you want to make the pot pies?"
I don't think mine works with this

I love you woman!
Well hell

"Dude, you need to take some time away from your ex."

>>726540040
>wake up you homo

"Well hopefully I can do the same to this chick"

"Find me the book the travelers gift"

"Omnomnom :3"

>>726540040
"Yeah"

>>726540040
"Not until April"

>>726540040
"Did you know that I fell asleep?"

>>726540040
"Brb"

>>726540040
"Fug"

>>726540040
"Why would i buy you tampons?'

File: 1490244812613.jpg (231KB, 960x686px) Image search: [Google]

231KB, 960x686px

>>726540040

>>726540040
"It's on hold"

Can you not be jewish for 1 second?

"Woah I've never seen that but it's super accurate"

My mom sent me a screenshot of the outcome of a celebrity look-a-like engine. She got matched with Selena Gomez and I was surprised at how much she looked like her.

'Hey mom lost my charger somehow...was hoping i could use ur fax machine tomorrow after work...'

"wanna see my scrot?"

>>726540040
"Okay, I'll pick up dinner. Drama queen."

"Whats gucci my nigga"

>>726540040
"Yes, its quite tiring"

"yes"
Well that turned out shit

>>726540040
which eps do you need?

>>726540040
"Be right out"

"I think it can work"

That's 4 points I've lost.

I need new AA batteries

>>726549949
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHsXMglC9A

"After school"

>>726550256
underage b&

>is there a special name for the cotangent bundles on projective spaces?

File: maxresdefault (1).jpg (212KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

212KB, 1920x1080px

>>726540040
That text was just an image

>>726540040
"Squirting guaranteed"

File: IMG_20170322_223511_edit.png (623KB, 858x1034px) Image search: [Google]

623KB, 858x1034px

Lazy fucks reply with a text

"Same"

Where's the bag at?

I'll talk to you later, I just have to shower!

>Columbus Blue Jackets. They're pretty good.

I'm taking someone to the caps game tomorrow and they asked who they're playing.

>>726540040
>Wow, beautiful!!!

>>726540040
>hows the wrist
Kek

>>726540040
hella fake diamonds

>>726552089
LOL

File: shiz.png (380KB, 1914x939px) Image search: [Google]

380KB, 1914x939px

well

"Evan, could you tell the professor I'll be ten minute late?"

>>726552490
Who the fuck sends shit like that? fake/10

i love you too dad.

>>726540040
NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER

>>726540040
When do you guy's want to go to the gym

>>726540040
"Low on milk."

>>726540040
>wow your tits look amazing

>>726540040
"I found one cheaper"

Our relationship just died

>>726540040
You been doing therapy still?

"Drive safe."

>>726540040
Pay your respects to Toadsworth and say hi
http://www.toadsworth.com

"Night babe"

"Have you ever had to literally brace yourself for a fart?"

"Fat Ass Kiki Mutha Fuckin Meow Meow"

"6in"

"Good"

"Hey not feeling well, not gonna make it to the pub tonight."

"I dont care"

Fuck you

>>726540040
"Hey if your dead can I have your manga collection"

This is my actual second to last post.

>>726540237
"No, I dont have chlamydia."

>>726554032
poof faggot

>>726553981
WTF?!?! Mine is the same thing!

"Why do you never pick up your phone? I could be dying."

>>726554389
You sound like a bitch.

>>726554389
tits or gtfo

"Is your car broke?"

File: 8bcdeab3e0b64409c4cbb8cb82bf8e25.jpg (80KB, 640x425px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 640x425px

>>726553064
Whole or 2 percent?

Ok, thanks

>>726540040
"DO IT"
im serious.

"OK I'll start making dinner"

>>726554433

Was trying to. Needed medical supplies.

>>726540040
"Thank fukin God I thought that kidney stone would never come out. Pee is still prty red. Shud I go2 er?"

>>726540040
"Sure I mean, depending on what I have to do Saturday I may b dead Sunday but it should be good"

File: text.jpg (63KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

63KB, 480x480px

>>726540040

no lie:

> happy birthday! how you doin? my oatmeal exploded in the microwave.

>>726555436
ur an asshole. y make their birthday all about ur outmeal

>>726555555

>>726540040
Actually I think you might be my ego as well as my imaginary friend lol

I respect you and your right to say that. I will be a fucking faggot but only if you want me to be. Do you want me to be a fucking faggot? I am what you make me. I am everything. I am nothing. I am everyone. I am no one.

"Gotcha that's what I figured"

"No he ate them :/"

File: 1490241452907.jpg (86KB, 480x334px) Image search: [Google]

86KB, 480x334px

>>726540040
Kinda works, doesn't it?

>>726540040
Queezatch Blomme-Hebby

File: 45mmpiss.jpg (36KB, 471x339px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 471x339px

huh

"have a restful rest"

"I have no idea what an Iron Fist is... Sounds like a sex toy" Jesus that's something I would say

╭━━━━━╮ This is cooldog. Help
╰┃ ┣O--O┃ cooldog take over
 ┃ ┃  ╰━▅╮ 4chan by pasting
 ╰┳╯ ╰━━┳╯ him in 5 other
  ╰╮ ┳━━╯ threads or he
 ▕▔▋ ╰╮╭━╮ will never be a cool dog
╱▔╲▋╰━┻┻╮╲╱▔▔▔╲
▏  ▔▔▔▔▔▔  ┃
╲╱▔╲▂▂▂▂╱▔╲▂▂▂|
 ▏╳▕▇▇▕ ▏╳▕▇▇▕
 ╲▂╱╲▂╱ ╲▂╱╲▂╱

File: 20170323_014052.jpg (2MB, 4128x2322px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 4128x2322px

>>726554032
Here's proofs

>>726540040
Sweet dreams.

"yeah i won't be getting any sleep for a while"

>>726540040
"yes"

File: 1490241452907.jpg (61KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 480x480px

>>726540040

>>726540040
"I can do tomorrow also, if thats better for you."

'' night pretty lady ''

Damn it honey

>>726540040
"Making the lower thirds graphic tomorrow morning, what dimensions do you want the lower cap? Also I have weather graphic for the 27th ready to go. Want me to send it over?"

"June 13 at 8:45"

"Dinners almost ready"

>>726540040
I didnt play any bloodborne yesterday, today i bought all the weapons.

Referring to weapons in the video game bloodborne

>>726540040

' Can you ever be pleased '

"Let's do 1850 per person"

"Even names from stories from roman time are changed"

I wanna put hot sauce down someone's weenie hole

>>726540040
I feel like smoking but I dont wanna get up.

File: 1463826277307.jpg (15KB, 327x303px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 327x303px

>>726540040

Your mum and I are going to Arthurs.
Jesus thats sinister asf

>>726540040
>if you dont wanna talk I'm getting in the shower

"no problem, i ordered a meatlovers on my break lol"

"Forgot about pre movie shit"

"all i have is 120 roses"

>>726540040
Sorry, my phone is at 3% ttyl

"they did the same shit to me adam"

weirdly fits lol

>move to california and work for blacked.com

"James is like my brother, but hes a bigger faggot than me sometimes, and im the one whos gay."

>>726559997
Fuck. I keked

"Bit of a knob isn't he, bit of a dick"

>>726540040

Second to last text.

>Nah, Trump probably isn't into watersports. I can think of a few things he probably is into though.

Last text.

>Probably heavy BDSM. Pretty common for men in high stress jobs to pay a Dominatrix. Just to let go and ease the tension and shit.

>>726540040
Nice. Was boy or girl? N ok

>>726540040
"It stopped"
if we're talking strictly about texts, if Discord counts it'd be
"it's a western cartoon you fat nigger"

"Does anyone else have a cutting fetish"

>>726540040
"Where did you go?"

>My mouth tastes weird

HE DONT KNOW THE TASTE OF THIS FELLLOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

>>726540040
Ok, you caught me. I have no Idea what you just did lol

Ok. Does it seem about right?

Nevermind on that but do you have any more of those things

possibly, or maybe an extreme example of gaining a false sense of self. who knows.

"finnish gf"

File: 1490241452907.jpg (70KB, 480x334px) Image search: [Google]

70KB, 480x334px

>>726540040

That is fitting eerily well...

The teleportation happy, lighting chucking adventures of hobo skeletaur