Guys, am I beyond saving as a human being? >coming home >decide

>>725595466
i always jerk off with burgers

>>725595466
bumpin

>>725595466
lol

i'm thinking, but that is pretty degenerate dude. i don't think i can top that.

at least you didn't fuck a little girl's ice cream cone or something though, that would be worse.

>>725595466
The god of chaos smiles.

>>725596807
Well there's this one time...

>>725595466
how old are you?

>>725597278
18

>>725597316
>Guys, am I beyond saving as a human being?

no,but you will be if you don't do something with your life asap

>>725597389
Oh boy, I can't wait

Girl that had a huge crush on me in highschool. I liked her too, we left class with her friends, walked outside to the other school (two buildings) I wanted to smoke on break, pulled one out. The look on her face. It was heartbreak that I picked that smoke over her.

Still haven't quit. Moved on, but still, damn.

>>725597538
Smoking affects us all, in one way or another

>>725595466
wow wtf.

tell me more about your life.

Please answer the following questions:

How many friends do you have?

Did you have many childhood friends?

If you don't have any friends at the moment, how long ago do you remember having any friends?

What's your family like?

What kind of job do you have?

>>725597688
This is just making me reflect on my life

1

like, 2 or 3 childhood friends I haven't seen in years

I still live with my mom, as I haven't found an apartment to move in yet, nor do I have a job.

>>725597804
How much time do you spend with your friend?

What else do you do with your time besides visiting 4chan?

It sounds like you have the same problem as me. I figured out why and how to fix it but it is hard.

>>725597676
Oh fuck yeah /b/ro as a matter of fact, some guys broke into someones car a couple months ago, just up my street, they chased him around. me, working night shifts, I'm still up around midnight and after, was drinking and had a couple smokes. cops came up on my lawn and summary arrested me for it there. Charges were dropped because the only "evidence" they had was that I was dressed in warm clothes and it wasnt that cold out that night, and i was "breathing heavily" (bearing in mind i was already on the ground in cuffs when he noticed) is total bullshit and Crown said so. Still being on pretty much probation for a month was fucked.

So yeah, smoking is bad for you

>>725595466
>I know things can get way worse,

Worse, sure, but they can't get much more pathetic

>>725595466
>be me
>have erection
>dont fap
Pretty much worst thing i have done in my entire life

>>725598011
My friend goes to HS at the moment, so we spend some weekends together.

I play games, go outside when the weather isn't depressing, occasionally practice my writing and just do whatever interests me at the moment. Like right now I'm cleaning my room, and right after that I'm gonna go outside for a walk maybe. That is if the weather clears up.

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>>725595466

>>725598300
How long have you struggled socially?

How long have you been masturbating?

>>725598383
Socially I've been an outcast since daycare

I wish I fucking knew. I started masturbating when I was like, 11 I think. I was a huge sonic faggot at the time so... My first fap was a sonic hentai quiz.

>>725598495
I can tell you what the problem is and how to fix it but you may struggle to believe the cause of it.

>>725598495
http://www.funny-games.biz/sonichentaiquiz.html

this?

>>725598568
go ahead

>>725598596
Yeah

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>>725595466

>>725598613
>>725598613
Tell me which of the following correctly define your personal situation:

> You feel weird or you have no normal emotions (e.g. you don't emotionally connect with others)
> You can't dress / groom / perform normal hygiene actions even though you know how and you want to do them
> You have a lot of bad habits, perhaps you have tried to give them up but haven't been able to, such as smoking, drugs, alcohol, sweet foods
> You are unable to verbally express yourself the way you think
> You have had a lot of bad luck in life, perhaps you don't even try anymore, perhaps you don't even try to get a job
> You easily have arguments with others
> You tend to feel apathetic or depressed, you feel like you are 'out of the loop' somehow

>>725595466
Lmao, you sad fuck

>>725599410
Just 2 and 6

>>725599410
what if all of them

>>725599484
How exactly do you exclude masturbating into a sandwich a woman made for you... THEN EATING IT from
>bad habits
>bad luck
??? !!! ???

>>725599689
I mean, it came from my body
so I can just put it back in

>>725599792
cum, I mean. The sandwich didn't come from my body

>>725599792
I don't know if I can help you if you are going to actually ignore reality.

>>725599618
Then you may have the same problem as OP.

Anyone have the McDicken vid?

>>725599826
>>725599792
Do you also have trouble sleeping?

>>725599836
I'm just being honest. I guess I eat a bit too much candy, but I don't think that it's anything major. And my luck is normal. Life doesn't seem so unfair that I'd be willing to say that my luck is bad.

>>725599910
Not really, I fall asleep right after, or just before midnight. The only reason I sometimes stay up late is because I wanna talk to my friends online.

>>725599410
>>725599618
this,
it's no longer about one anon
help us.

>>725599944
If you are masturbating into a sandwich and eating it then you have a fucking problem bro.

Do you have things break very often?
Do you frequently bump into things?
Do you ever try to do things in life (e.g. succeed in school / work), make things, but you never actually do it, or when you do it it doesn't go very well?

>>725599910
"all of them" anon here - I don't beat off with sandwiches but yeah, trouble sleeping for as long as I can remember, since I was a small child.

>>725600057
yes to all of the above,
please for the love of god tell us the solution

>>725600057
Bruh just give him your advice holy shit

>>725600057
Dr.Anon is interviewing me

Just my headphones
I rarely do
I tend to finish what I start

>>725600078
I also have things break fairly often (learning to deal with this and fix shit is how I learned IT skills), fairly clumsy and bump into shit often, and yeah about things never going well

>>725600057
i've never mashed F5 so fucking hard in my life,
H
E
L
P

M
E

>>725595466
You're fine. I was expecting worse.
As long as your burger was tasty or palatable you're good. I'm not gonna judge

>>725600127
>>725600097
>>725600020
WTF.

I can appreciate that there must be a lot of people suffering from the same shit.

If I just tell you the truth about it, you may not believe it. It's so fucking insane but there is a cure. I myself have only just begun trying to fix it. But it starts fighting against you.

This isn't even my stupid fapburger thread, I just wanna know what's wrong with me cause your lists are describing me

>>725600321
fucking hell,
HE'S GUNNA TELL YOU ALL TO STOP FAPPING
THATS ABOUT IT JESUS

Let's hear the solution, Dr. Anon.
I bet he's gonna prescribe a noose, or tell us to stop fapping.

>>725600321
Yeah you're building it up so much I'm expecting some dumbass tai Lopez shit here.
>inb4 replies to me telling me it's not bullshit instead of giving the actual advice

>>725600397
No that's not the problem.

If you try to stop masturbating in a brute force style, it won't work. That is part of it.

>>725600488
this is either the greatest troll i've ever seen,
or Dr. Autismo is on the scene.

>>725595630
Probably ASS BURGERS amirite guys?

>>725600538
likely both.

yall niggas gettin trolled

>>725595466
did you at least cum on the burger before you ate it

>>725600538
Are you in a situation where you want to have a girlfriend or sexual partner but never can?
It's like you try to speak to women but you can never find the words. Or something always seems to go wrong.
The only kind of women you can even get near are sleazy ones who are up for one-night stands.
It may be so bad that you've even given up on trying to get a partner.

>>725600627
get off /b/ nigger reeee

>>725600664
no actually,
I'm in a committed relationship and get pussy on the regular.

>>725595466
Jesus christ dude...lol

I've been here since the beginning. I keep coming back for this shit. You have a purpose in life.

Fly high, you glorious fuck.

>>725595466
holy fuck

that is pretty dark stuff

just wow

i mean woah i just can't understand this

woah

jesus

good luck anon

>>725600664
"all" anon here. Have had a lot of gfs but in the past 5 years all but one were LDR. This last one, I lived with her for a year, first and only lay, but she got sick of me and I moved home.

>>725600230

>H
>E
>L
>P

>M
>E

Read this and tell me how many of the 12 signs apply to you
http://spellshelp.com/articles/magic/12+signs+indicating+that+magic+and+spells+are+being+used+against+you/

>>725600746
>12+signs+indicating+that+magic+and+spells+are+being+used+against+you
lmao thanks grand autistic wizard

>>725600627
>captain obvious enters the thread

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>>725600746

>>725600746
There was a reason we had the Witch Hunts etc... in the past.

With the internet, the use of negative magic has become more prolific in our society.

Placing curses and hexes on people has become more common.

>>725600836
>>725600797
I fucking told you it would be hard to believe. If you have these kinds of problems you probably have a curse or a hex working against you.

>>725600746
>>725600851
Who let you fags out of your containment board?

>>725600886
yeah and my ex girlfriend used to travel between worlds in her sleep and talk to spirits.
Go back to /x/ fag

>>725600746
I had better go to my local shamen to get that curse dispelled. I had been thinking it was some sort of psychological disorders, but I guess it's magic.

>>725600836
>>725600797
>10. When a magic parasite gets into your subtle bodies, it takes full control of your mind, meaning you'll never even think that magic might be used against you.

>>725600746
>>725600851
and we're done here folks,
just cut back on the jacking off and you'll be alright,
maybe keep it to once a week, make an occasion of it.
and for the love of god, shower everyday and wash between your ass cheeks.

>>725600677
haha baited

>>725599999
CHECKED

>>725600851
I wish someone would cast a proper shutthefuckup and killyourselficus on you.

>>725599999

First I didn't belive in this shit
But quints, holy shit.
This is a curse

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>>725595466
I use a penis extender, i have a deep fetishism with nordic women, i watch degenerated shite on /gif/. But man, you are beyond salvation, this is gore and scat level

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>>725599999
Goddamn, those quints

>>725599999
double dubs + 1

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>>725599999
Confirmed wizard

>>725601116
>Nordic Women
Shamefuru.

>>725600926
Look I hate /x/ roleplayers just as much as the next guy. But maybe you should have given her the good dick if you didn't want her running around Jupiter or whatever looking for some witch doctor poon. Just saying.

>>725600939
>just cut back on the jacking off and you'll be alright,

It's fucking true bro. It is caused by a fucking curse. If you don't believe me, try as hard as you can to stop masturbating. That will fix all of these problems then?

Once that doesn't work out for you, then try to cast a spell to protect you from the curse and fix the problems that it has caused.

>>725600746

I wasted so much time on this...

>>725601330
What did you try?
I tried praying to Jesus but he didn't do anything.

>>725595466
What a hero

>>725601267
Yeah the curse is called having a dick. Although it does have its upsides I suppose.

>>725601238
Gave her the good dick plenty, she was just plain old nuts.

>>725601267
words of wisdom from "The Great Autismo".

For his next trick, he'll saw his dick in half then magically put it back together.

>>725601485
>>725601540
>>725601565
Do you not even consider that there could be a small possibility that curses are real and have real effects?

>>725601616
No.

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>>725595466
>>725600746
>>725600230
>>725600097
>>725600078
>>725600020
Looking for a cause that isn't you but some magic bullshit might make you feel better but aint gonna change shit. Just be more reflective and start working on yourself and you might get out being what society considers normal (which is hella boring), although it might as well be that you're genetically fucked in which case it's hopeless. If you're happy like you are right now then please stay this way, fucked up anons make this world a way more interesting place

>>725601876
This.
Also use tampons in your ass, it keeps the evil spirits out.

>>725601616
What's more likely? That a lonely foreveralone virgin faggot on /b/ chronically masturbates because he's a foreveralone virgin faggot, or that anyone who can use
FUCKING MAGIC is gonna use it to fuck with some dude they don't even know instead of using it to get bitches or free money or whatnot?

I mean be brutally honest for a moment- people like you, me, and OP are nowhere near special enough that random magic-users would bother spending their powers just to fuck with us. Like how those looney tunes who believe they're being gangstalked by the government narcissistically believe they're worth wasting government resources to keep tabs on when all they do is post dumb shit on /x/ all day.

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>>725601232
Their big foreheads, square faces and jaw lines are too damn fucking beautiful, its impossible not falling in love, same thing with Eesti and dutch(giantess)

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>>725602312

>>725602312
eesti ftw

>>725602406
hot

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>>725602406
I got this illness from /s/, the threads were gr8 until some /pol/tards started posting some random blonde bimbos
>>725602468
Eesti beesti
Feroe = Ice = Norge > Sverig > Binland = Eesti > Den

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>>725600938
Damned if you do, dawned if you don't believe.

>>725600565
kek

>>725595466
lmao

>>725598011
>>725597688
Fucking psychologist over here

>>725595466
Dude, sexuality is weird. Don't trip. Lots of people consume fluids (even their own) and EVERYONE cums in wired places. If they say they don't they are fucking liars.

>>725604841
Nah you fuckin weirdo I only cum in wireless places, you're a freak anon.

>>725604841
wired is kinda last century shit.

>>725604841
Nah but seriously what exactly qualifies as weird in your book? Ice never jerked it or came in any weird places. Usually just toilet paper or paper towels for ease of cleaning. Socks are also good for ease of cleaning but using socks as jizz rags is probably not all that strange. I hear people talk about doing that all the time in stories and whatnot here and elsewhere on the internet. Seems pretty par for the course.

>>725605573
31 yo and still dont get it - why socks? use a hankie ffs

>>725605653
Cum in sock, throw sock with other clothes, wash with no one the wiser. Also, socks fit right over your dick like a match made in heaven

>>725605759
ill stick with hankies

>>725605759
Pretty much this. You just gotta make sure you don't accidentally confuse your jizz socks with your sock socks, that can ruin your day pretty fast. Personally I just always wore black socks and used the white ones as jizz socks, much easier to differentiate.

>>725605653
>>725605831
Who the fuck says "hanky" anymore? Do you actually have a straight up handkerchief to cum into or are you just trying to sound all faggy and proper when you're really just talking about paper towels or washcloths or whatever?

>>725606160
>paper towel
>handkerchief

and toilet paper

>>725606338
Sorry I don't speak fag, I just call paper towels paper towels. You know, like any normal fucking person does.

OP, you bear all the markings of a failed human being.

There are ways out of this, you know.

>>725606338
Nigga it sounds like you jerk off with a glass dick. Last time i tried jerking with paper towel i ripped it and ended up jizzing on my rug.

>>725606505
>>725606527
im uncut

>>725606527
Had a good laugh at that mental image. Did you actually like wrap the paper towel around the head of your dick and try to beat it like that? I mean I guess that could work but I'd be too worried about rugburn if I kept jacking it for too long. I basically just put it on my stomach in about the area where my dick is gonna be when I cum. Usually that's the easiest way to do it. Although if it shoots out I have to actually pick the paper towel up and cover the head with it so I don't shoot all over my chest or whatever, but usually I can tell when that's gonna happen well enough in advance that it isn't a problem.

>>725606654
I don't recall anyone asking, what the fuck does that have to do with anything? Are you saying you call your foreskin a hanky or something?

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meh. i've seen worse.

>>725595466
Don't worry my friend vote for thrump 2018 and he promise you that he would make slaves out of the poor so you can have your own fuck slave

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>>725600746
what the fucking fuck
this is the dumbest shit ive seen all morning

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>>725607175
im better then u

than*

>>725595466
:-\

>>725599410
That's just like everyone here mang

>>725595466
dude you have serious issues, please seek help.

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I make memes with gay porn, if o post you wont understand because its not in english

>>725610179
post it i olny care for the gay pictures

>>725608957
Who wants to help autists jack off into burgers? Where would one even find "help" like that?