Get me laid, /b/

>>725306365
Use your hand.

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>>725306365
"Ruth" looks like he's ready to dock with you

Send: ,,Thy scat, my cat. Can i bang??"

>>725306365
get pics of ruth's dangus

Ask if she wants some dick pics, mom told me woman like that.

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Dubs picks my opener

>>725306882
sup bitch

>>725306882
Nice lipstick, toots. Sure would look good smeared all over my dick.

"My therapist said I should get a girlfriend."

show us yer cock lad

>>725307115
This. Rollllll

I can only cum from the theme song to titanic

>>725307115
Fuck it, this will do

>>725307173
ralins

lol filthy keltic bitch

>>725306882
"I just wanked. I call it a 'ruthless'"

In a world, where the last glimmer of hope lies in utter truthfulness, I confess to you that these words come not from me but from a stranger who got selected randomly. Forgive me.

>>725306882
Hi, I'm Mark.

I DID NOT TOUCH HER! I DID NAWT

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>>725307394
Oh geeze

>>725307394
i have to tell you by law that im a sex offender, but i have been chemically castrated

Some of these are really fucking funny, I'll send them to other matches

>>725307674
roll

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>>725307674
Different grill

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>>725307987
>figgles

Dubs picks opener for other matches, i have about 100 sitting here

>>725307394

>keyboard

>>725307519
roll for preemptive white knight

>>725308149
Real name is ava unfortunately

>>725307987
You can call me Daddy, but i'd prefer you didn't.

>>725308250
I constantly forget this

>>725308247
100 matches. Sexy anon is sexy. I get like 1 a year

"esrsfghkulojlnbggfh"

>>725306882
I got Tiny peel

I'm here to fuck ass and chew bubblegum... and I'm all out of ass

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>>725308367

>>725308577
WINRAR U BETAR DELIVAR

>>725308533
dubs have spoken!

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>>725308533
Digits

>>725308752
Kek

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>>725308577
Call me the postman

>>725308852
I'll just call you faggot

>>725308752
send it fgt

unmatch me you fucking faggot

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>>725308577
>>725308852

>>725308752
>not sent
Soft spot for Jodi detected

>>725308612
You'll be North Korea, I'll be Kim-Jon Un.

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Anything funny /b/? She's fuck ugly with uuuuge jugs

I'm into femdom. Pegging is a must. I can provide a strap-on if need be.

do me a favour love and open the curtains, i dont have xray vision

>>725309067
Navy copy pasta, after she says something about you

>>725309067
you're a big girl

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>>725308933

>>725309067
World War II (often abbreviated to WWII or WW2), also known as the Second World War, was a global war that lasted from 1939 to 1945, although related conflicts began earlier. It involved the vast majority of the world's countries—including all of the great powers—eventually forming two opposing military alliances: the Allies and the Axis. It was the most widespread war in history, and directly involved more than 100 million people from over 30 countries. In a state of "total war", the major participants threw their entire economic, industrial, and scientific capabilities behind the war effort, erasing the distinction between civilian and military resources. Marked by mass deaths of civilians, including the Holocaust (in which approximately 11 million people were killed)[1][2] and the strategic bombing of industrial and population centres (in which approximately one million were killed, and which included the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki),[3] it resulted in an estimated 50 million to 85 million fatalities. These made World War II the deadliest conflict in human history.

>>725309067
I have a huge milk fetish. Can I feast on your udders?

>>725308972
it could be peceived as ultimately charming if a man loses his very ability to speak in sight of sweet Jodi. OP, there is no shame in delivering!

>>725309067
Is it painful hauling dem titties round all day?

>>725309067
I'M THE JOKER BABY

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>>725308987
Not dubs but funny so

>>725309067
This puts things into perspective

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>>725309122
You guys are killing me

>>725309336
Thanks.

Her name in french is a Slang for Dicks though. You should Inform her.

>>725309122
Dubs

time for bashing butts as well as theeese nuts...

>>725306365
Hey bitch wanna fuck?

>>725309311
Dubs. Do it

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>>725309311

"At the moment the DotA 2 - Kiev Major tournament playoffs are going on - and yet I am here chatting you up. This is just astonishing."

*watches you quietly in the corner* ^-^ *Too nervous to say hi xD* *You see me watching you* "Nǐ hǎo ^-^ m'lady" *blushing xD ^-^ ^-^*

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>>725309489
The most unlikely of messages gets a reply

What next?

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I like these threads

>>725309490
Give me some evidence and I'll do it

>>725309881
No, bet my special ed teacher told me I have a bright future.

>>725306365
alright, I'll be that one cunt who doesnt joke with OP
send this op
>"I've got a trash can with your name on it."
>"Woops, that was meant for my arch nemesis"
>"But I've got a nice dumpster if you wanna dive with me"

>>725309881
no my house is a bungalow

>>725309881
Which one are you? Right or left or both?

I take things slow, so expect a long and engaging conversation before we can decrease distance. I am willing to invest very much into this, so the chance to not answering you are slim to none.

>>725309911

>911
>11

Checked.

And laughed.

>>725309911
dubs, pick an opener for me kind sir

>>725309881
How much water do you waste a year? Exactly?

>>725310044
Dub dubs have spoken

Hey! Just wondering if youre interested in a threesome with me and my gay brother?

>>725309881
send nudes cunt

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Jugs replied, still looking for a reply to femdom pegging girl

>>725309881
NP vs Complexity just started, I will come back to you after glorious victory. Who are you rooting for btw?

>>725310315
I'd give you more than a sore back

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>>725306365
Hey girl you can call me the final solution.

Because I'll kill you in the shower.

high from massaging my prostate

>>725310315
" im into horsecock "

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>>725310044

>>725310098
You have five words to prove you're worth it. Go.

>>725310315
That's worrying. I'm a doctor, mind if I take a look?

>>725310433
This

>>725310543
reroll

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>>725310433
Lol'd

>>725310543
Roll for dis

>>725309167
For you.

>>725309881
No, the saying goes: "Hi, how are you?"

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>>725310477

>>725310433
change it to "ill finish you in the shower" so it sounds smooth af

>>725310543
roll

i'm looking for a 2d women.Sorry

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Next move? Dubs or something that makes me lol

>>725310800
winrar

>>725310834
I smoked all of the kids babe

>>725310834
About 6 million

>>725310915
Cringe

>>725310834
I'm looking to get higher
can you help?

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>>725310800

Prostate Massage Works Best Done My Way

>>725310965
underrated

>>725310983
Your name must be sherlock

>>725310315
shh, nothing personal kid

*chop tits off*

*tip fedora*

m'lady...

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>>725310965
Lold

>>725311077
Well

>>725310834
All of the bath salts. All of them.

>>725311059
reroll

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Mcwhale-a responds

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>>725310965

>>725311251
not as amazing as my raging cock, wanna bang babe?

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>>725311251
She added a gif of Wiz khalifa. As a massive stoner, that is really cringey

>>725310834
By the inquisitive nature of your answer, I deduce, that you, indeed, are my mistress. I will smoke how ever much you want, Mylady.

>>725311354
I meant Jews not niggers

>>725311354
I don't want to be compared to a monkey.

>>725311354
Have you ever been BLACKED?

Dubs are still legal tender for openers with random girls boys

>>725311354
That's cringy. You don't have to be a nigger to get high

>>725311444
Nice

>>725307495
Underrated

i don't smoke weed only crack cocaine

>>725311444
do it OP

"Did you ever have dubs?"

>>725311251
drugs are illegal you stupid fucking bitch

>>725311444
Witnessed

Ya like Smash Mouth?

>>725311460
I know right, kill yourself if you look up to snoop Dogg or Wiz etc

I just like smoking weed i really don't like the culture

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>>725311444
If i go to jail for hate crimes you're coming with me

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Michaela Hermanova
Theres her fb profiler go get um boys

>>725311744
Hey I am not the one responsible for my trips.

"Can you believe Alliance is already in the lower bracket?"

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>>725311599
Comfy thread anons. You're good guys

Do you like anime senpai tara :3

>>725311793

Is OP from the Czech Republic?!

"GIRL I NEED SOME PUSSY RIGHT NOW"

Do you want to roleplay?

>>725311834
Because I'm going to smash your mouth repeatedly with my man meat

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What do?

*I put on my robe and wizard hat*

>>725312158
AYY LMAO

>>725312158
Damn I forgot to turn off my stove.

"Listen!"

and when answered, follw up with

"I said 'listen!', did'nt I?"

I want you to shove a glass rod down my urethra and crack it like a glowstick

>>725312158
I'm sorry about your accident

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>>725312158
And this one

>>725312158
Wow srly is possible being that nigger

>>725311990
I'm in the British part of ireland

>>725312348
Do you take it in your ass for cocain?

>>725312348
send nudes

>>725312348
I like your glasses they hide that your face is all kind of crooked very well.

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>>725312300
Here you go

>>725312300
winrar

strip

>>725312424
roll

>>725312400
Dublin. Got it

>>725306882
She looks like she applies her makeup with a shotgun

>>725312348
Ey bb want sum fuk

attack helicopter copypasta

>>725312538
I would destroy dat ass like a Palestinian Village. Lemme get a pic of you bootyhole bby.

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Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.

>>725312621
Gawa actually

what is your parents' occupation?

>>725311834
best one yet 8/8

>>725312761
WOW SO FUCKING DEEP AND REALLY GETS YA THINKING N SHIT

Before we get married, let's get to know eavh other better

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>>725312761
Not dubs but funny. Sent

Sup bitch

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>>725312922
I preferred sending the monkey message, god this is cringe

>>725312922
winrar

>>725312930
this'll work

>>725312728
Rollll

>>725312696
Rolling

>>725313152
>eavh

Fucking commitment OP

>>725312844
winrar

Youre ugly and im horny. Lets do this

>>725312424
roll

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>>725312844
Waste of a perfectly good pair of dubs anon
But here you go

>>725312337
this

>>725313284
roll

ey gurl watcha gonna do with all that junk - all that junk inside your trunk

nigger

>>725313298
no waste. this can build to greatness. follow up with:
"wrong, they are spies."

>>725313522
Double waste

>>725312348
You have 2 minutes to sell me on the idea of you.

>>725312424
rolling

>>725313586
roll

>>725313586
rollllll

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>>725310992
Make me laugh anons, what next?

Some of the most beautiful things worth having in your life come wrapped in a crown of thorns

>>725313586
get this one

>>725313669
Well shit, I didn't think I'd get this far

*sweats nervously* um hi i'm [name] *sits down beside you and cracks open a monster* uhm you want one?

>>725313580
maybe get some dubs of your own and use them how you see fit. just - maybe? gosh!
the narrative unfolds futher: "how can I prove to you that this is real?"

Here's one I tried when I was drunk. Actually went pretty well. "Do vultures eat other vultures? Cause like, what if their baby's die? Do they eat their own baby's? If so, that's pretty fucked up..."

>>725313669
Let's set up an appointment but first can you send me some pictures of the front and back just to make sure you don't need immediate medical attention?

>>725313669
Well, i didnt think id get this far. Do you like coffee? Let's get coffee then I'll massage your back :)

>>725313586
why cant i dubs this

>>725313841
This

>>725313881
Reroll

>>725313881
Cmon dubs

>>725313586
roll

>>725313841
roll

>>725313841
this!!!

>>725313946
Dubs plz god who doesnt exist

>>725313841
Rollz

>>725313841
roolling for nudez

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>>725313820
No way this worked

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>>725313586
Funny so

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>>725312538

>>725313669
I'll need a picture of your breasts in order to preform a long distance optical mammogram.

>>725313977
Winrar youre welcome OP

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>>725313977

>>725314023
reroll

>>725313841
this is solid

>>725314023
rollrollroll

>>725314044
Double winrar. Use the second dubs as a wildcard. Get laid op. Do it for mom.

>>725314023
>>725313841
reroll for one of these

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I laughed at this so

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>>725314017

>>725314023
roll

>>725313669
The only best way for me to inspect your breasts is to make an incision with my cock. You would not mind that would you? Of course not.

>>725314023
roll

>>725314023
this

>>725314210
mah prayers have been heard sweeht lahrd

>>725314023
rollfuck

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>>725313977
Now this is a good use of dubs

>>725314023
Roll

>>725313841
charity roll

>>725314023
ROLL DUBS GET

>>725313841
roll

>>725314023
ROLLjsjdnd

>>725314023
Rolling

>>725314382
Get these girls on ya dickie

>>725314382
Hope you get that one

>>725313841
rolling

>>725314023
make sure to spell 'perform' correctly
dont wanna get mistaken for a nigger

>>725314023
this

>>725313841
R O L L

>>725314577
win

>>725314577
Yeah boi

>>725313998
It got a pretty funny conversation going, so I'll count that as a success.

>>725314577
Winrar

>>725314577
WINRAR

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Op is a faggot who doesn't want to posted on Facebook for being a racist

Next move boys

>>725306365
op you should check your voice mail

>>725314693
So what do you think about Hitler. Wasn't he so great?

>>725314693
Just cos you got blacked once doesn't mean I have to pretend they are people

Go fuck yourself you kike-ass nigger

>>725314693
Well anyways, let's fuck.

>>725313669
>>725313669
tell her to remove the bra first so you can view them perfectly

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>>725314577
Anons, I'm getting flooded with messages at the minute

Posting on mobile is a really cumbersome process so please bear with me

>>725314693
Liking traps and futa doesn’t make you gay; as long as the boy is cute, it’s not gay. The dick only makes it better

>>725314976
what is this shit? wrong chick bro

>>725314976
Nigga you sent it at the wrong girl, it was for the titty monster

>>725314797
I'm too poor to do that, thank god these matches don't know I'm broke as fucc

>>725314976
that was for rachel you coon

>>725315094
>actually remembered tatty monster's name

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>>725315044
Shit sorry lads, too many coming in

>>725314976
connect physical keyboard to mobile next time. You might as well do it right, right?

OP here, out of interest, any of you have any tinder success stories? I'm interested to know
Also, keep these suggestions coming, I'm doing my best to get them sent, great banter boys

Thanks for not being a faggot OP

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>>725315197
Hey wake up. Tit's now chop chop.

>>725315214
It's not the typing, it's the fucking captchas you have to complete EVERY FUCKING TIME you want to post on this app

>>725314970
Kek, rolling for this.

>>725315387
roll

>>725315387
Capiche? Ayyyye beans-a beans-A BEANS!

>>725315214
Roll

>>725315354
i actually met a girl on tinder that was not a slut that i dated for 2 years.


but before that i fucked like 7 grills from it.

>>725315485
Roll for this

>>725311800
Witnessed that second GET!

We're going to tear them down
https://youtu.be/x79sywiJoRY

>>725314693
Apologies, Wiz Khakifa has the brain capacity of a turnip it would be insulting for a monkey to be compared to him in terms of intelligence, they're far superior

>>725315516
Rolling

>>725315436
4chan gold, its only 20 dollars OP

>>725311990
Unlikely, it's 2 AM in Europe

>>725314980
roll for this

Did you know that George Foreman has five sons all named George Foreman?

>>725315354
>OP
Yeah, ok

Hello I've been diagnosed with terminal cancer and I have never kissed a girl. Would you kiss ne?

>>725315516
re roll

>>725315516
I've only fucked one girl off it, shamefully that was my virginity too
Got plenty of nudes though, just not comfortable with them knowing where i live and i don't have a car so it's a bitch to go and travel
10/10 service though, it's the real life horny sluts want to fuck in your area

>>725315700
WIN

>>725315700
kek

>>725314693
The darkies are alright. It's chinks that really get under my skin. Why we didn't bomb the whole damn country, I'll never understand.

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>>725315727
Yeah, op

is big tity grill not replying


if dubs

>>reply to me you rancid swine.

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I like to mask my self loathing and depression with memes. Wanna see some?

>>725315516
Roll again

>>725315660
Your point being? Love, eurofag

Op is ded

I need to get me laid, OP.

I need to get me.

>>725315943
bullshit as i posted the 7 grills post, and re rolled my own post faggot.


keep lying

Hey!! :) You are tooooooo cute :P can i get a kiss ??????? hehe ;)

rip op

>>725316006
Rollllllin

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>>725315700
You have good taste anon

Is herpes a deal breaker?

>>725316199
kek

>>725316199
Winrar, pic too

>>725316219
show us the snap chat photo faggot

>>725316260
Roll

>>725306365
give me sum fuk

>>725316260
Roll

>>725316287
Roll

>>725316287
Roll again

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107KB, 1440x2560px

>>725316199
Also, earlier post asking about tinder experience was me, ignore the retard saying it wasn't

>>725316411
Winrar

>>725316411
winrar

>>725316504
You better have some high quality memes to show her OP if she replies

File: Screenshot_20170313-012506.png (851KB, 1440x2560px) Image search: [Google]

851KB, 1440x2560px

>>725316411

>>725316533
Kek more dubs

>>725316504
For blondes only -"So what sorority are you in?"

>>725316700
Even more dubs

>>725310315
I'd massage your back

>>725316677
Get this man some memes, dammit!

>>725316677
You can't send pictures on tinder, this will just be a convenient way to get her snapchat

>>725316765
Fuck, so close

>>725316828
Roll