How often do you think about suicide?

>>725283059
yes..

>>725283059

Not that often, really. I have two kids and four cats to take care of. What would become of them if I autocroaked?

Engage yourself in life, dig it while you can.

>>725283119
Is that a yes or a no?

As often as you post this thread

>>725283175
that's a no

>>725283059
I don't think that much about suicide since I tried psychadelics...

File: 418.png (412KB, 635x593px) Image search: [Google]

412KB, 635x593px

>>725283174
You could still die, no suicide necessary for that.

What WOULD become of them?

>>725283176
Well how often is that then?

>>725283254
Maybe?

>>725283059

Not often.
I work 6hours a day and got a roof over my head.

Even though my life is pretty much worthless i rather be alive then being dead.

I find it hard to understand why people think dying is a good thing only reason i can see if a person wishes to flee.

Pretty rarely. Mostly when others speak of it.

File: 235.png (136KB, 327x333px) Image search: [Google]

136KB, 327x333px

>>725283336
Do you have to keep using?

>>725283378
What makes your life worthless, brother?

>>725283059
Mostly in the evening when the meds have worn off

File: 328.png (365KB, 615x593px) Image search: [Google]

365KB, 615x593px

>>725283445
That's weird.

Why only then?

>>725283496
The nights are the loneliest.

>>725283059

everyday, but most of the time I just think about how great it would be to not be alive. not necessarily killing myself

>>725283561
literally me

File: 287.png (298KB, 497x583px) Image search: [Google]

298KB, 497x583px

>>725283561
Life's tough mate. It's going to continue to be tough.

It can be a great relieve to give into misery, let everything be shitty, experience the hurt, dive into those feelings.
But neva gibu appu

>>725283059
Every time someone talks to me about suicide I tell them to consider homicide before suicide, otherwise they're just getting cucked on life by the rich.

>>725283486
I will quit once I find what I am looking for, but it makes journey more enjoyable.

File: 322.png (185KB, 359x359px) Image search: [Google]

185KB, 359x359px

>>725283823
Pacifism 4 lief

>>725283894
Do you even know what you're looking for?

>>725283486

Being alone and having 2 sisters who are 8 years younger but further in life.

1 of them is about to get married,and all i think about is how annoyed i am i have to go there.

Buried my father 3 months ago,and all i could think about was that i now have to spend more time with my mother.

I know i will not grow in terms of fitting in society simply because i do not want to.

And yes that makes me worthless but regardless dying would be even more boring.

>>725283059
Every week.

File: 336.png (64KB, 189x255px) Image search: [Google]

64KB, 189x255px

>>725283976
"being alone"? No friends or no partner?
or both? Which do you want more?

You can be with other people without trying to fit into societies norms, it'll just be harder and you'll have to step out into the world farther.

You talk about being bored. What makes life exciting for you?
There must be things.

>>725283972
>Pacifism 4 lief
Things love can't overcome without justice:
>criminals
>people who are genuinely evil as a lifestyle choice
>poverty
>famine
>rape
>child abuse
>animal cruelty
basically your love is worthless and impotent and you really should kill yourself because you give no fucks about anyone else's suffering you worthless coward. you fucking disgust me.

>>725283059
Used to be once every 10 seconds. Now it's about once every hour or two.

File: 355.png (175KB, 383x291px) Image search: [Google]

175KB, 383x291px

>>725284175
Justice != violence

>>725284219
I think you should talk to someone about that.
Who do you love most?

File: 17264738_381281125585534_5308860562945429130_n.jpg (28KB, 480x808px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 480x808px

I was just thinkin about it right now

>>725284353
Justice is the application of personal manifestations onto the environment in order to shape it into a from more satisfying for you on a personal level as dictated by your morals. You don't really have morals though, you just have your repulsive selfishness, because you just want to avoid things you don't like, you don't care if anyone else has to face them while you hide in the corner and act like a petulant child criticizing the people who actually deal with it for you.

File: 308.png (324KB, 599x441px) Image search: [Google]

324KB, 599x441px

>>725284709
Why are justice and violence linked for you tho?

>>725283059
>No i am not a sore loser

File: 271.png (68KB, 177x293px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 177x293px

>>725285119
WHO IS IT YOU ARE QUOTING?

>>725285182
myself

>>725283972
I don't want you to tell me it's impossible so I wont tell ya.

File: 396.png (403KB, 583x483px) Image search: [Google]

403KB, 583x483px

>>725285223
Way ta go Anon!

Not many people can be so kind to themselves as you are!

>>725285243
I'm not going to tell you it's impossible, please tell me.
You're making me very curious.

I believe in dreams. I believe in you!

Everyday, Ritsu-chan.

File: 348.png (422KB, 623x567px) Image search: [Google]

422KB, 623x567px

>>725285431
oh sweetie, it's going to be okay

>>725284709
So if someone's morals are to be a killer and they're shaping their environment into something more satisfying for them, what's the difference between you two other than your morals?

I feel like on paper things have gone fine for me in a lot of ways

I've worked my ass off for the past few years. My social skills have gone through the roof; I went from being a kissless virgin to being very socially confident and easily maintaining social relationships with girls and easily starting conversations with strangers. I went from being a skinny out of shape guy to being muscular and attractive. I went from doing mediocre in university to getting straight As, and I'm almost ready to go get a masters from some fancy school.

I don't feel sad as often, but I'm definitely not happy either

The brain has a funny way of changing it's standards for happiness.

Now I feel like my life is just work. It's all fine I supoose, but it's not as fulfilling as I wish it was. I guess this is just what growing up is.

It just scares me that it seems so constant. Every month I feel 3 months older and more out of touch with people, even though I'm able to connect with them socially in a way I never could before.

I don't respect my social relationships like I used to and I get mad so easily.

I feel like I'm growing up and doing what I shoud be doing. I'm being smart and making good decisions and I'm growing as a person, but I just hate it all.

I'm in a constant state of just wanting to get high and play vidya and fap and I never have enough time. Life feels like a big treadmill and I want to just slow it down and walk, but I can't.

I used to think about suicide a lot when I was younger. I don't anymore. I'm too busy to think about it. Escape just doesn't seem possible in the way it used to.

This all seems very whiny and unnecessary, but it scares me. I'm scared I'll never be content I guess. I feel like the bar for happiness will always be a step out of reach. I'm scared I'm running out of time even though I've got my whole life ahead of me. I know I'm young and stupid, but I don't feel that way; I want to. I feel like I'm already growing old and not enjoying it.

>>725285561
I hope so. Thanks, Ritsu-chan.

>>725285336
I'll rather tell you a dilema...

I've shot a pidgeon, it's food for me but he never delivers the massage. What have I done?

It's purely hypothetical.

Also I want food and stable hausehold without much work for now... I mean stable, not being owned by bank.

File: 1484951406466.jpg (52KB, 499x616px) Image search: [Google]

52KB, 499x616px

>>725285709
Do you have any meaningful hobbies? It's not much but it may be rewarding to have something succeed in your life that isn't related to work or relationships.

>>725285709
I can relate to a lot of this man. I've been acting like a 30 year old for the last 10 years and I'm only 24. While I've now got a top job, top uni grades and I'm about to buy an apartment, I feel like life continues to pass me by and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Added to that, my girlfriend of six years and I are no longer together. She was my world, my reason to put all this work in so that we could kick back and enjoy it all in ten years and now she's not there. I'm just a shell, moving from day to day with a smile fixed on my face while I wither on the inside.

I've often thought about not being alive, but not about suicide. The pain is so tremendous that some days I have to take ten minutes in the bathroom at work just to have a cry to release some emotion. Rationally I know it will get better in time, but I'm not sure how long I can continue with so much loneliness and pain in my heart.

>>725285061
because violence exists right now and if you cannot stand against it it will continue to exist

people will shut down their emotions or gain pleasure from hurting others, and as long as they do that you won't be able to confront them without arming yourself with the will to fight against them

it's not about your desire to remain innocent and silence the pitter patter of your heart palpitations and anxiety, there are kids getting beaten and abused right now, and you cannot put a stop to anything like that without having the will to destroy inside your heart, because you can't reach out to someone whose already made a choice to stop feeling the things you do

>>725285588
Yes anon, if evil is stronger than good, then evil will win. Muslims will jihad and the rich and corrupt will buy slaves. If Justice does not win on behalf of love and compassion, then evil will walk all over them.

If you have to become Batman or Rorschach to turn the tables and it prevents even the smallest amount of suffering from falling on the heads of the innocent, then that was the correct thing to do.

File: funny97.jpg (20KB, 274x402px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 274x402px

>>725285709
I have a very similar mindset. You're right, early 20's especially if you're in school is a grind. I'm not in school but have learned people skills these past 2 years and it has helped me figure out what I want to do with my life. I feel like I'm heading in the right direction but I've never been faced with hard challenges throughout my life. Once something gets hard for me I want to believe that I can overcome it no matter what. But another part of me feels like I'll never be able to figure it out and will just move on.

Happiness is relative.

Suicide? Hate the concept. If you're not happy with what you're doing, change. You can do it no matter how hard the circumference is

File: 1488938922484.jpg (89KB, 512x600px) Image search: [Google]

89KB, 512x600px

3+ times a day

>>725287690
But you never answered what was the difference? To them they may see themselves as the good and you as the evil. Of I was an unbiased alien spieces choosing sides, how would you convince me your violence is justice while theirs isn't?

>>725283059
Used to be daily, but now I haven't thought about it since November.

>>725283059
i think about it every month or so, usually its because of some stress i feel at work or some small thing will trigger me into just wanting to end it.

>>725289164
I'm telling you that if you don't win you're going to lose. There is no hypothetical here. It's not about comparing different outlooks and deciding who is actually correct, it can't be debated and won as an argument, you're not going to change people's minds when they've already denied defeat as an acceptable position. Nobody is going to prove themselves superior and be able to justify themselves to everyone else, you are going to exert your influence over the world or it will exert it's influence over you. It's not about being better than your enemy, it's about creating the world you want instead of the one they want.

There are people who will beat women and children and people who will manipulate economies and wars and let famine and disease and chaos run rampant to satisfy themselves, and you can either confront these people with greater power, or they will simply continue to abuse the environment they're in, taking pleasure in the suffering of others, and you will not be able to appeal to them through any of your high-minded naivety. You can possibly survive if you refuse to become violent, but it will do nothing to stop those that are willing to become violent for their own satisfaction. You will suffer, and others will suffer, innocent children will suffer, but you want to somehow get by without having to confront anyone? You're just as selfish and disgusting as they are then, because you choose inaction while atrocities play out in front of you, simply for the sake of your own relative comfort and avoidance of stress.

File: 485.png (248KB, 385x473px) Image search: [Google]

248KB, 385x473px

>>725290025
What happened in November?

File: 1479645801577.jpg (73KB, 604x604px) Image search: [Google]

73KB, 604x604px

Every time I think of my future, how pointless it all is. At 16 I tried but was too much of a chicken shit to do it, probably still am. Nowadays I just try to avoid the thoughts with a movie or something.

4-5 times a day

>>725283059
My dad killed himself, so every day.

>>725290256
I intended to actually do it in November and drove out somewhere nice after work so I could finally go through with it, but by the time I got to where I had planned, I couldn't go through with it and turned back and went home. Felt pretty bad about it for a while but after that I haven't had any thoughts about it since then.

Although I know they'll be back eventually. It's not the first time I pussied out of doing it only to suddenly have the thoughts disappear for a few months.

File: 414.png (404KB, 515x553px) Image search: [Google]

404KB, 515x553px

>>725290515
lol bro stop living in the future

find happiness in the present

>>725283557
Maybe a guy or gal that works too hard 6 days of the week would think about it.

Maybe the more alone you are, the more you think of screwing off, getting into trouble, self satisfying yourself (Self Stimming), or suicide.

Do you think about sex a lot? If you don't find opportunity for sex, would you substitute by thinking of suicide?

What are the factors in the range of human behavior?

1) Drug & Alcohol
2) Sex Addiction or Obsessive thoughts
3) Internet Use, Social Networks, 4chan
4) Life Changes
4a Divorce
4b death in family
4c Loss of Job
4d High Debt
4e high cost of living
4f Moving home, school
4g War or Famine or Economic Collapse/Stock market, Endless Wars
4h Illness, Disease, Hospitalization
4i Being Red Pilled
4j New Gov Tax, Fee, Permit, Insurance Cost
4k Mortgage Rate increase
4l Your Gov goes broke
4m You transition to opposite sex
4n You get Sex Trafficed, become sex slave
4o Your Job goes Overseas
4p The Tax Base for your city leaves, capital flight
4q Small Businesses are dying since Big Corporations have subsidies, economies of scale, monopolies over gov & markets
4r World Reserve Currency Crashes

>>725290515
bro, i know that feeling.

File: 542.png (199KB, 367x445px) Image search: [Google]

199KB, 367x445px

>>725290646
You thinking of following him in his footsteps or just thinking about his death?

Did he leave you any thoughts?

>>725290657
That's odd. For such a small thing to keep the thoughts away for so long.
Why you wanna die?

>>725283059
multiple times a day at least

File: 515.png (336KB, 443x599px) Image search: [Google]

336KB, 443x599px

>>725290726

Yeh..

>>725290869
Thinking about him. I'm not suicidal.

But also thinking about the process and what it would take to get me to that point.

File: 350.png (116KB, 295x269px) Image search: [Google]

116KB, 295x269px

>>725291099
Do you know why he did it?

Do you know why you would do it?

>>725290869
I don't know, sometimes life just gets really shitty, but it's mostly my own shortcomings I think.
I don't really have many friends anymore and I lose more every month or two, and I'm too shy to go out and make more. Just sort of stuff like that.

File: 384.png (154KB, 285x359px) Image search: [Google]

154KB, 285x359px

>>725291179
You know you're only torturing yourself?

File: 1488056157184.gif (1MB, 200x254px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 200x254px

>>725283059
i think you might be the nicest person i have ever seen on 4chinz keep up the good work OP

>>725291322
Howso?

>>725291163
His note to me wasn't incredibly clear. I think there were a few factors that went in to his decision. His mother suffered a prolonged death which really hurt him, and when his health started to go, i think he wanted to leave on his terms.

I don't plan on dying until I become a burden to those I love. If I live long enough to start to lose my mind, or the ability to control my bowels, then I'm jumping from a plane and not pulling the shoot.

>>725291076
Sorry if was intense or over the age group targeted here. I'm likely autistic.

>>725291334
I agree. I'm not op. Maybe I like the images and short answers.

File: 318.png (152KB, 327x309px) Image search: [Google]

152KB, 327x309px

>>725291406
You see what's happening to yourself. To your life.

You know that what's happening is making you miserable, or is going to make you miserable long term.
Yet, you're doing nothing to fight it.

I know you're shy, things make you anxious, you're afraid of rejection and you will be rejected and that will hurt.
But in the long term it's better to face your fears and have a chance at happiness, more friends, support, contentedness.

Please, you have the choice of getting hurt and ending up alone or getting hurt and having people around you.

File: 270.png (151KB, 367x305px) Image search: [Google]

151KB, 367x305px

>>725291496
Pure hopelessness, panicky thoughts. That for a prolonged period of time.
Have you never wanted to just give up?

>>725291581
I think the first three are symptoms, the rest cause.

>>725291799
Well, I did have a plan for a while, and a large group of friends too. But as mentioned earlier its been shrinking.
Basically I've been saving money so I can get out of my area because of issues I have with it. One of the reasons I'm too shy to talk to people or make friends is because of how overly prejudice most people around me are if you don't follow the same religion.
I know there is a way I can change things but I'm too stupid to figure it out, and my earliest way out at the moment is at least a year away.

>>725292058
No, never wanted to give up. Too much to do in life to end it on my own.

I'm very good at bottling up my feelings, so I never have had issues.

I loved my father a lot, but I didn't even cry when he died

File: Ljsgm46 - Imgur.gif (557KB, 500x261px) Image search: [Google]

557KB, 500x261px

>>725283059
about once a day roughly, or whenever 'the future' gets brought up

>>725290699
I think Buddhist pyschology is like this.

If you are meditating, chanting, or being with the Sanga, then you are in the present moment.

But I am not Buddhist.

Perhaps Meditation is a good method for 'Mindfullness'

File: unnamed.jpg (39KB, 548x974px) Image search: [Google]

39KB, 548x974px

everyday

about every other day when coming down off speed pretty much almost want to go through with it every time

File: 482.png (303KB, 461x487px) Image search: [Google]

303KB, 461x487px

>>725292336
I really hope you make it. That this will be good enough for you.

>>725292695
I've seen it happen before that men crumble because of emotions they had not give sufficient care to.

This may come back to bite you in the ass.

File: 501.png (468KB, 729x597px) Image search: [Google]

468KB, 729x597px

>>725292794
You can try it!
You do not have to embrace a philosophy entirely for it to benefit you.

>>725292992
Don't go up, you won't have to come down.

Pretty much all the time. I'm probably not going to last the year. I hate living so much.

File: shrek-watch-shrek4-on.jpg (13KB, 294x155px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 294x155px

I'm not really suicidal, but suicidal thoughts periodically pop into my head throughout the day.

File: 443.png (255KB, 379x495px) Image search: [Google]

255KB, 379x495px

>>725293279
How many times have you lost the person closest to you?

File: 212.png (208KB, 397x519px) Image search: [Google]

208KB, 397x519px

>>725293385
Why?

>>725292765
Who brings up the future and why aren't you thinking about it?

>>725293031
Thank you. I'm just hoping my plans don't get crushed before I can get out of this area since financially, I'm able to leave, but I'm waiting on the one person I feel I can trust since I don't want to have to survive off a sandwich a day again.

>>725293407
Huh? That's a strange question. Once. And it kinda screwed me up.

File: 260.png (215KB, 331x493px) Image search: [Google]

215KB, 331x493px

>>725293545
How long ago was it? Who were they?

>>725293680
When I was 12. My best friend took her own life. My best and only friend.

>>725286365
Honestly no. I should get some

You're probably right

Every day when I wake up, then I remember I have a duty to those around me and my tribe to procreate and work hard.

2-4 times a week. I feel beat down, my future is not bright. I'm just a weak pushover.

File: 521.png (225KB, 461x359px) Image search: [Google]

225KB, 461x359px

>>725293813
You spend too much time on 4chan.

It is not helping your situation.

File: 1319774815880.jpg (124KB, 960x540px) Image search: [Google]

124KB, 960x540px

>>725294085
It's one of the only things that help. I writefag regularly for my home board. It's one of the only things other than vidya that gives me joy.

>>725294085
anon shut the fuck up holy shit your life is a god damn mess and you're not proving anything by pretending to give other people advice

File: 512.png (396KB, 603x593px) Image search: [Google]

396KB, 603x593px

>>725294592
Don't be stupid Anon.
It doesn't give you joy, it only keeps you busy.
Keeps your mind preoccupied so you don't have to face reality.
It's escapism, not happiness.

>>725294637
I never denied the former and I never claimed the latter.
All I'm doing is chatting with people, responding as I normally would in a conversation.
I am not claiming to be more than I am: just a regular guy wanting to talk to Anons.

File: 0.jpg (19KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 480x360px

I'm thinking of it currently

File: monroeCheekyShrug.gif (1MB, 368x189px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 368x189px

>>725293466
i want to die, but can't bring myself to do it, so any future talk starts a "but i wanna dieeee" thought

Erday

File: 10953075_1394143530891774_1314242595_n.jpg (28KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 640x640px

>>725295026
Well you're right there. It is only escapism. But there's a reason for that. It's because life outside this little bubble is so much worse. I wouldn't need to escape if the world around me wasn't such a living hell.

>>725283059
Every. Single. Day. The only reason i don't do it, is just so my father and brother can be happy, and not saddened by my death. ..I really hope they will both die soon so i can die too.

File: 463.png (309KB, 561x537px) Image search: [Google]

309KB, 561x537px

>>725295097
Why does thinking about the future make you want to die though?
Why do you not have hope?

>>725295296
You can expand your bubble slowly, you don't have to dive into the deep right away.
Exploring what really makes you happy is a first step you could try to take.
Stop with all the escapist activities and find something else to fill the time with.

File: sovietFlag.jpg (525KB, 2000x1641px) Image search: [Google]

525KB, 2000x1641px

>>725295634
because i want to die, i do not see purpose in living

>>725295634
alrigth fuck it at the risk of sounding like an edgy fag here goes. Nothing in my life gives me any semblance of joy or hapiness i move on from objective to objective trying to waste time and not think about anything i have a bunch of friends i don't care about and could get more if i wanted the only thing that makes me happy is whenever i see something suffering emotionaly or physically

>>725283059
3 days ago I attempted it. Besides that not to much.

File: 246.png (460KB, 705x587px) Image search: [Google]

460KB, 705x587px

>>725295808
That's just silly.
We are meant to create our own purpose.

Not seeing a reason to live is not a good motivation for wanting to die.
Most people who want to die wanna die because there is something about life that makes them want to escape it.
But not seeing a reason to live is so neutral, it shouldn't make you want to die.

File: 4a1a4783d31f0a2305d5906ba96e86a0.jpg (46KB, 500x630px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 500x630px

>>725295634
What makes me happy won't sustain me. One of the biggest reasons I'm ending my life is because nearly every job will make me miserable. I could be a writer but it is nearly impossible to make a living through writing. And I don't have much time. 4 years and then what? I'll likely be homeless or working a job I hate so much I may as well be dead.

My future just looks bleak quite frankly. And I want to end it while things are still happy, at least for the most part. My future only holds misery.

File: 99.png (178KB, 367x389px) Image search: [Google]

178KB, 367x389px

>>725296260
Have you looked at a job where you spend your time in nature yet?

>>725296213
But he's right. I don't have any reason to live either. I wake up. I work. I come back on a empty home. No friend, unable to love anyone. Don't find any joy in any thing at all. ..Creating our own purpose? Fuck that. There no purpose i can make. I'm so tired. Tired of everything. But because i'm inside the body of a piece of shit coward who hate pain a lot, i'm not able to do that one last step. I'm tired goddamnit. So tired.

File: 13394911_1153693531348997_1467500710_n.jpg (44KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 480x480px

>>725296399
I have been. But it's pretty much minimum wage slavery. And that's my whole issue. I'd love to work as a forester or a writer or an actor but for some reason you can't do that an also say, have a house. Or a car. Or eat three meals a day.

>>725283059
About once every 4 or 5 months.
It used to be once every 2 months, so I'm improving.

>>725283059
almost everyday. Just finished my holidays and getting back to reality where my life don't have any meaning and purpose hit me hard. I'm sick of my life and don't know what to do.

>>725296627
Become a park ranger, I've heard they earn pretty good money.

>>725283059
Too often

File: 1480992940941.gif (619KB, 500x280px) Image search: [Google]

619KB, 500x280px

>>725297418
Honestly I've just given up. I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to go through 4 more grueling years of school. I don't want to suffer depression and night terrors and my awful emotions. I just want to sleep. I just want to sleep for the rest of my days. I hate living. The act of living is awful.

Besides the one person I was living for is now out of my life forever. There's no reason to keep going.

File: IMG_20170312_185303_574.jpg (204KB, 1080x1056px) Image search: [Google]

204KB, 1080x1056px

24/7and I can't bring myself to go to a therapist

>>725297729
You shouldn't live for other people though, you should live for yourself. Stop looking for outside factors to live for and deal with you internal shit.
I used to have so much anxiety that I had to use 8 hours psyching myself up to go grocery shopping. Then I asked for help, started therapy and mindfulness meditation and now I can go if I need to.

>>725297975
Go to a neurologist and check for issues with your brain first if that seems easier. If you dont want it to develop into delusional episodes I would get started on doing something soon.

File: 1454ac0d24e1d4752a2c594979e79059.jpg (57KB, 564x763px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 564x763px

>>725298055
I've been going to therapy for years. And I really have been trying. I push myself to the limit. But PTSD is just a bitch to deal with. It just feels like an uphill battle constantly and no matter how much I climb I never seem to get any closer to the end. I hate this disorder. It's killing me from the inside and it makes every day and night a living hell. I wish I could just forget it all but it just won't go away.

where did OP go ?

>>725298574
You shouldn't be pushing yourself though, that just exacerbates your PTSD, it should be about accepting how you feel and then dealing with it. also if you haven't done mindfulness meditation, I strongly recommend it.

File: IMG_20170312_002537_546.jpg (271KB, 1280x1600px) Image search: [Google]

271KB, 1280x1600px

>>725298442
I just have the mental block when it comes to getting help with that problem. I also feel like it keeps getting worse and worse

passingly: barely ever
seriously: once

File: b9c592faa524f6c918ded1e27d58b97d.jpg (43KB, 500x575px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 500x575px

>>725298798
I do a mix of mindfulness and EMDR. And it helps a little. I am certainly not how I used to be. I used to seldom be able to step out of the house without breaking down. But even so it feels like I've just hit a wall in recovery. I have night terrors every night, wake up screaming. I never get more than 4 hours of sleep each night. And I just can't stop thinking about her death. It just... destroyed me. It completely shattered me. I just can't ever see myself putting the parts back together. I'm just broken.

>>725283347
That first part was retarded

>>725293243
Nah im much more a wreck without stimulants of some kind

>>725299240
Well it might help you if you stopped trying to be what you were and started trying to accept what this has done to you.
I'm never going to be the person I was before my nervous breakdown and I'm happy about that. Because who I were before that was the cause of my breakdown. I know this isn't exactly directly applicable to your situation, but I still think you would have an easier time if you stopped yearning for what was.

>>725298943
i understand. I have bi-polar disorder and am struggling to do the same. You have to accept that this wont go away unless you get help. Even then it wont be easy. You cant just shove this stuff to the side and pretend you're not feeling that way. My condition has only recently begun to spur delusional phases and its scary as hell. Im starting to have whole days where i completely lose touch with reality. I wish I had looked for help earlier. I dont want the same to be happening to you. Not wanting to live is already shitty enough

File: 8533260bf45261bc21417bc9709d01f7.jpg (43KB, 500x395px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 500x395px

>>725299556
How can I? I had to watch my best friend die. I miss her so much. I miss her so damn much. She was the one person who showed me I had value and made me happy. Everyone else just hated me, treated me like garbage for just existing. I just can't take it anymore. I can't accept it and it's been years. I just can't move past it.

But it's alright. I've made peace. I've done what I've wanted to do. Now all I need is rest. I've lead the best life I could. It's just not going to work you know? And I'm ok with it.

>>725300139
Well that is your choice anon, I just think it is sad that a person who has survived this far in spite of overwhelming sorrow, should not get out to the other side and be okay.
If you could do that, there would be nothing you wouldn't have the strength to achieve.

>>725299978
how old are you and how long have you had bipolar disorder symptoms?

>>725300139
try to get on meds. The right cocktail can do wonders for anyone. Fuck the stigma

>>725300384
The problem is that it doesn't seem to get better. If things were looking up I would have no problem pressing on. But right now it's just the opposite. So I'm just going to give in. Let the darkness take me.

>>725283059

20+ times a day, easily. Any time I'm not distracted.

>>725300402
21 and have been having symptoms for 9-10 years

>>725300607
At the risk of sounding cheesy, it's always the darkest before the sun starts rising.
Perhaps you should give yourself a time limit, where you spend that time doing your best to get better and if it doesn't brighten up within that time in the slightest, then perhaps ending it would be an option.
Have you tried doing things where sharing your story might help others? So you don't feel so alone I mean.

>>725283059
well due to my relationship with my gf it's gone from every couple of hours out of the genuine desire to die, to maybe once a day or every other day as an option to escape worst case scenarios that i keep playing in my head out of sheer paranoia

>>725300725
okay, 24 here. been thinking about going into therapy since my condition is worsening. havent been on meds for a few years because i could handle the depressive episodes and i really liked the hypomanic ones, but shits getting out of hand. nowadays the depressive episodes get REAL bad and the hypomanic ones are short and not pleasurable in any way, i just get extremely agitated+confused and cant focus on anything

>>725300884
That's pretty much the plan for this year. It's why I'm not going through with it tomorrow, despite being at peace. I'm going to do make one last push to latch on to something, see if I might have missed something somewhere. But if by the end of this year I don't find it then well... you know the rest.

It's pretty hard to talk about openly. I mean it took nearly 2 years from my therapist to tease it out of me. I do wonder around some PTSD help forums and it does help knowing people understand the hardship the goes along with this. But in the end it doesn't give me solace in existing.

I am disappointed

Every single day.
Tho it's more of a latent thought "I want to die".

>>725301240
The thing about feeling like this is that the more you share these emotions, the less of an impact they have on you.
I've gone from hiding my emotions at all costs, to literally sharing how I feel about everything. If you do that, you'll be surprised to see how much people appreciate you for it. I've gotten to a point of honesty where I have to actively try hard, just to make a small lie.
It makes me a bit vulnerable to other people, but it also gives me a sort of strength to deal with anything.

>>725301601
I do it with my therapist. She's one of the only people who knows just about everything there is to know about me. It's honestly amazing how much she's been able to get me to talk about.

But my biggest problem is more what the future holds. And frankly, it's not good. I could survive. I could keep going. But condemning myself to a life of suffering is something I just don't want to do. I'd rather die than live to exist

>>725301234
Holy shit. Not to cause worry, but that sounds pretty damn similar to how I felt right before I trashed all my belongings and ended up in jail/mental health facility. Please do it. If not anything else it will give you a bit of reassurance going forward

>>725300139
sounds like you're just using her

>>725302194
You're thinking too far ahead then. I started dealing with shit on an hourly basis, then I got better and was able to deal with it on a two hour basis and so on. So far I've gotten to the point where I can think 6 months ahead without becoming an anxious wreck from it. Deal with and be in the now and let the future be the future. You have no way of knowing what it brings, but you do have influence over what happens now.

I think of sucide when something is stressing me out such as too much work, it relives me because its like an escape route. I'm lazy and want to relax and entertain myself but soon I'll have to work 9 to 5 I just can't imagine doing that 5 times a week

>>725302536
I have four years to get a well paying job and the degree I'm persuing won't give me that. After that I'm going to get kicked out. I'm terrified.

Why are you trying so hard to save me? You don't even know who I am

>>725302335
aw crap. well that seals it, im going to reach out for help tomorrow. thanks for convincing me anon

>>725302710
Why?
Because even though I don't know you and probably will never meet you, I still think you deserve to get better. I've been through so much shit myself, that I would never wish it on my worst enemy, much less a total stranger.
If you can even get a little bit of happiness out of life after feeling like this, I think it is worth it to give you advice on how to deal with shit.
Who is kicking you out anon?

>>725302870
No problem anon! Now I feel like I've done something today. Best of luck

>>725303274
I only wish I had more people like you in my life. Everyone else seems to hate me.

My parents. And it could've been sooner too. They're a bit religious and when they found out I was trans well... they didn't take it well.

>>725303797
Shit anon, that does sound like a bad situation.
A thought that helped me get past the idea that everyone hated me was this "No one spends as much time thinking badly about you, as you do thinking about them thinking badly about you".
My guess is that you project your dysphoria onto others and through that basically exacerbate it.
Another part of it is that people get scared when someone else hurts as much as you do. It's not because they hate you, it's because they feel inadequate in their ability to help you.
Don't take this the wrong way, but perhaps getting out of the tense environment you have with your parents, might actually help you.
You shouldn't even be thinking about education or careers in your current condition, you should be focusing on dealing what is, not what will eventually be.

about 3-4 times a day. Wonder how long I'll last

>>725304552
It's not as bad as it used to be. I say everyone hates me but that isn't true. What I mean is I was bullied k-12th grade. I had a kind of mild form of autism and have since grown self aware and able not to act like such a sperg all the time. But as a kid I didn't know and kids tormented me for it, all accept for the girl who ended her life. It's what made that death so difficult. It was like the one person I've had in my life gone.

The bullying has stopped for around 2 or 3 years now. But the scars are still pretty fresh. And I know people get scared. I have no friends and that's kinda how I prefer to keep it. People just scare me too. It's why I'm online so much. It allows me to communicate with people without actually being near them. I love this site for that very reason. We can remain anonymous and you will never know who I am.

It's hard not too. My parents put A LOT of pressure on me. My mom was a straight A student and my dad literally clawed his way out of poverty to an extremely well paying job. Couple this with the fact that my sister (who I absolutely love to death) is taking twice as many classes as I am AND has a job, they see me as some lazy bum. In reality though it's all I can just to do three classes without completely falling over from exhaustion. It doesn't help that my coping mechanism is anorexia either which has slowly gotten back into my life.

It's hard to explain this all to my parents because of just how bad it's gotten. Like it would just be a tidal wave that they aren't ready for

File: ritsu2.jpg (59KB, 488x647px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 488x647px

Ritsu is my waifu, OP. I even have a dakimakura of her.

>>725305419
That's gay

>>725305287
Sounds like your parents need to know how much pain you are actually going through. Have you considered asking your therapist to explain to them why you are acting like you are? I mean she doesn't have to go into detail about your problems if that is too close for comfort for you. But having a professional person explain to them that pushing you like this is to your detriment, not your benefit, would probably help them to help you.
They're probably pushing you like that because they care about you, not knowing how it affects you.
I was bullied for most of my childhood as well, probably because I'm likely on the spectrum as well (I haven't had anything verified, but I'm working on getting my suspicions verified or disproven) and I've spent a bunch of years dealing with the aftermath of it. I'll probably be dealing with it for the rest of my life, but I've gotten much better with time and work.

File: 102b50803047f79f8014a19e20bec369.jpg (70KB, 600x637px) Image search: [Google]

70KB, 600x637px

>>725306111
I couldn't even imagine. I just couldn't tell them all the shit I've been through. It honestly scares me to think. Especially with the contention with me being transgender. I DEEPLY resent them for the way they've treated me for that and their views have changed little. It's another large force in my depression, this having to be something I'm not. And I just don't want to open that can of worms.

Even if I wouldn't talk about that, I just couldn't. It's just... way, way to scary.

ate a whole box of oreos today

yes

>>725306586
They're your parents though, they're hardwired by nature to love and protect you. If they got an understanding about how you feel, they would be compelled to support you. As I said, your therapist doesn't have to tell them exactly what you've been through, if that thought is too scary for you. But she could tell them how it has affected you and what they can do to help you. Religion is a rigid set of rules, that need a compelling reason for them to think past. They would probably do it for you though, if they knew how much pain their child is experiencing.

>>725307130

>>725308724
What's with the blank post?

>>725308999
Nice triple digits. Just bumping.
>>725308724

>>725308999
Oh shit, that's the second time today I get triple 9.
>>725309568
Thanks for getting me to notice.

>>725309646
You're welcome.

>>725309861
I hope trans anon is okay, they haven't answered for a while.

File: 6c501446feb074cee1c8448b31f98e6e.jpg (38KB, 500x540px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 500x540px

>>725307130
It just isn't going to happen. I don't want to talk with my parents and I don't want to be talked out of death. I just want to die. It's all I want.

File: 734477002d400f1a6305260b14c6e52cb5ce62832d71665f9e7d9c7cc654bd82.jpg (1MB, 1181x1748px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1181x1748px

A few times a week maybe? Sometimes at night I think through the ramifications of just giving up.

File: 1359590222086.png (32KB, 200x200px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 200x200px

>>725283059
everytime i feel unloved

>>725310257
Well as I said, that is your choice. I just wouldn't feel right if I didn't try to extend the hand that grasped mine when I was drowning in emotion.

>>725310521
I'm sorry

>>725310814
So am I, if I ruled the universe, I'd take away this sort of pain from anyone who felt it.

>>725311004
That means a lot to me actually. Thank you.

>>725306950
That's nothing. Eat a bucket of ben and Jerry's with a box of oreos and put on 20kg because your meds give you hella munchies but they also make your body retain weight and now you can't stand the sight of yourself because if you weren't a fat slob before you sure as fuck now because of the meds that are supposed to make you feel better.

>>725311200
Thank you for listening to my advice, even for a bit.

Wtf is this? An actually productive meaningful thread?
Faith in humanity restored - props to OP.
Ive been dealing with passive & active suicide ideations for like 5 yrs now. This past week tho it flipped almost overnight, havent felt healthy since like kinderharden. I thought.my depression would last forever but.maybe i can beat it? Hopefully i dont go back to my old ways.

>>725311865
Do what I do when these thoughts pop up. Recognize they are there, but don't let them rule you. Most of the time it's just like a random question your mind comes up with. Sort of like "Should I kill myself?" and then go "nah man, I've got shit to do".

More than 4 times a day. I'm really lonely, I'm not very social, I'm pretty introverted. People usually see that as means to be cruel to me. It just pushes me further into my shell though.

File: 1395105957343.gif (961KB, 485x352px) Image search: [Google]

961KB, 485x352px

None, since I got off of Klonopin. Fuck that stuff.

>>725283059
Down to about three or four times a year. About as close as I think I'll ever get to "never."

Honestly I think about it far to often, I'm 18, stuck in a on/off relationship girl whom I love to death, but I know she doesn't feel the same, I lost my job about two months ago and can't find work anywhere else. Most of the time I think about doing it up until I make myself pass out. I've tried a couple times through pills but never works. I understand that I have many years ahead of me, but I can't get the thought of why I should go on with my life if I constantly feel this way.

>>725313375
What if you don't feel like that constantly in the future?
Don't you wanna know if that is going to happen?

File: 1425329958138.png (178KB, 519x647px) Image search: [Google]

178KB, 519x647px

>>725283059
Not a day goes by where I don't.

>>725313867
Eh I guess? I don't find anything enjoyable anymore. The only reason I haven't done it is because I want it to work out with this girl, but recently shes just been extremely shitty to me. Which I am fully aware I could leave her, but shes the only thing the keeps me motivated and gives me a reason to be here. I've come to terms that I'll probably never do anything great with my life, nor will I be rich. I'll just be living a mediocre life where nothing is exciting or new to me.

>>725314319
Dude you're 18. Potentially you've got the time to become a millionaire, lose it all and become a millionaire once more.

>>725314319
You've got a point there, but I dropped out of highschool, got involved with drugs, live in a shitty small town where no jobs will hire me (Including McDonalds) I've sunk into a low spot in my life, it would be great to get out of this, but as of late I haven't been able to no matter how much I try, and it's not like I'm going to go and off myself currently, but I do see going out on my own terms before I'm thirty.

On the daily. Getting close to ending it.

>>725283059
weekends are pretty bad for me because my mind isn't occupied with work

Once a week, I would say.

When my knee swells up every five or six months for no reason.

>>725314319
The solution is convincing your entire brain that these thoughts are irrational. I can't tell you exactly how - but u godda fight these feelings of hopelessness. You dont realize how much they are impacting you. You are not mediocre and therefore depressed but depressed and therefore feel mediocre. Fuck coming to terms with that cus its straight BS. Keep your eyes open to what energizes you - if only just a little. Why should you be unable to fulfill your goals? Is there really any good reason but the depression itself? Ur 18 dude - reflect on that for a moment. You could do so much with the time you have left - u just need some passion and faith - if you aquire that you KNOW deep inside youre something special. You are GOING to sort this life shit out theres no doubt in MY mind - there are no two ways about it - my man it is your destiny. Now YOU just godda believe that. Repeat it like a mantra when your subconscious tries to get you down. You got this shit eeeez man no doubt!!
Vivaldi was deaf but look what he created. He had a vision and stayed true.

A fair amount, sometimes you don't wanna be wherever you are, and want to make a real sha-bang out of the situation.