Basically useless superpowers you'd like to have? Pic related.

>>725234337
The ability to grow trees quickly... But everytime I do it a human dies.

>>725234337
The ability to know whats in my food, while eating it.

Since everything is online you can just look up what goes into a dish, or if you are not stupid you could taste it as well. Only benefit is if someone poisoned you, you would know on the first bite

>>725234337
the ability to ejaculate jet fuel but i would have to jackoff in public so thats the downside of it

>>725234744
>downside
Speak for yourself

>>725234478
Catch is youre the first person to die using this power

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>>725234478
Well shit. I bet you're fun at parties. We humans aren't that bad.
>>725234558
But you would still be poisoned wouldn't you? Maybe it's best to know before you take a bit or spoonful? Plus you could be a cool chef
>>725234337
I'd like the power to make misplaced things appear in front of me. Like pencils and or the remote you know? It would save me time

Power to jump great distances
> you're only human so if you land while going fast speeds or fall too high R.I.P legs

>>725234868
The point was. Humans die in massive numbers everyday anyway.. So one human to grow a tree the size of a 600 year old hickory.. Then fuck it. We will clean the air super fast..

>>725234744
Did you do 911?

>>725234337
The ability to talk super duper fast. But I can only talk if I'm talking super duper fast. Otherwise, I die. Also, jaw, muscles, teeth, tongue, etc. can withstand the super duper fast speech.

>>725235008
did i?

Got bit by a radioactive male porn star. Can shot cum out of my hands. Get a descent pay as a pornfilm prop

>>725234868
I think the point is that it is supposd to b useless

>>725234982
Hmm interesting. So would you add to that number of daily deaths or use that as an advantage?
>>725235139
But it's useful

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Mr Glowstick Man:

You can glow in the dark, but your gotta break your own spine first.

I would get the power to shoot bees out of my hands like fucking bio shock. Then I can just shoot out a shit ton of bees and they won't be endangered anymore. And shooting bees at people seems fun

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>>725235268
>fall down stairs
>start glowing
>fuck

>>725235212
When a human dies. The soul is used to grow a tree..

You said useless and thats pretty useless because the faggot humans will cut my trees down faster then I could grow them.

>>725235133
*Skeet* *skeet* &pow& #jizz#

Make someone else pee for me.

>>725235268
topkek

>>725235336
My piss is vodka

Having your feet hover a foot in the air, only while climbing a ladder.

Be invisible but only when no one can see you

>>725235336
I'm not OP though...

Depends on the rate of the humans dying and trees growing. You know?

>>725235268
But breaking any part of a glowstick makes it glow.. And your tailbone is apart of your spine. So you can just break that and glow...

The ability to teleport only to the surface of the sun

The power to make someone drop what theyre holding. It would make everything an inconvenience to the people i dont like

>>725235651
>go at night
>collect sun rocks
>fuck yeah, gonna break science
>teleport back
>you can only teleport to the sun
>fuck.jpeg

>>725235268
HAHAHAH nice

Every power listed is usefull in some way. Its actualy realy difficult to think of one that isnt useful.
Oooo i got one. Everytime i sit on something "here sat a perfect ass" in black inc would magicaly appear on it.

>>725235470
This would be pretty fucking sick tbh

>>725235589
Would hurt like fuck to sit down though

the ability to stick my sausage in any grill i wanted

>>725235651


not a bad opt out superpower though

"you know what, im actually sick of your shit tyrone" Teleport's to sun

The ability to hear the sound of my own speech as if i was twice as loud

>>725235890
>bet everyone $5 you can write "here sat a perfect ass" with your ass
>go on talk shows
>go on that magic show where they try to debunk acts
>no one can figure it out
>except me

can see clearly through eyelids... and only that way. eyes open, shit is way too bright. eyes closed... well, hope you like sleeping in a mask.

The ability to see a milisecond into the future

Th ability to steal other peoples sleep... right before an exam

1. The ability to print out the winning lottery numbers from any computer (even those not connected to the internet), the day after the lottery.
2. The ability to attract any girl who is completely unattractive to you, but none of the ones you're attracted to.

All your muscles are voluntary.

Be Deadpool

The ability of becoming white, I would still be an idiot though.

>>725236341
technically because of the limits of the speed of light you can already see a tiny ammount of time into the past

>>725236569
This post is cancer, so you're already at step 2 anon.
Congrats.

The ability to teleport anywhere I want but I have to be there first

>>725234337
the ability to animate autistic people so I could convince this anon to never make this thread again.

>>725236953

Useless because you never leave your room.

The ability to know the next reply of a thread.

>>725234337
flight! just would love to take off and fly away like a bird from all this shit!

>>725235824
kek

i want to grow even bigest cock at the time i can so i can fuck your mothers because americans dont need mothers

The power of fuck my family members

Instantly fuck someone but it has to be one of OP's female relatives.

>>725237270
>Basically useless superpowers
It's late but I know you can read damnit

The ability to fart into another dimension.

>>725235268
It canwork with just part of your body, like your dick

I'd want to be able to light a cig by snapping my fingers.

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>>725239164
>be sitting in empty room
>suddenly smell the nastiest rip youve ever smelt
>mfw

>>725235304
But the catch is there's no reason they wouldn't sting you and if they do you go into anaphylactic shock

My power would be there is a portal in my anus and when I poo it goes through the portal and ends up in random places in my house

Instead of dying:
the ageing process reverses; elderly to adult to child to baby to embryo.
After the embryo I turn into a microscopic parasite that multiplies invades the wombs of unsuspecting women and forces them to give birth to me.

>>725240281
Specific fetish

>>725240281

the fuck is wrong with you

>>725240324
>>725240326
The plan is that I will eventually replace most of the humans on Earth (the only ones remaining being those given birth by those I whom the Mes impregnate or, in rare cases by the few remaining non-Me humans). Remaining non-Me humans will be farmed for their reproductive purposes.

>>725240695
*Ultra-specific fetish

>>725234337
Since when is shooting fireballs useless?

A useless superpower is the ability to never be remembered

>>725234478
With billions of humans on the planet, statistically speaking a human would probably be dying whenever you use the power, so the downside really isn't as its cost is already fulfilled.
>>725234337
Tbh that fireball one is something I've been fantasizing about since Tuesday or so, but doesn't seem useless - you could light fires, intimidate people, or use it as a weapon. It's a superhero-tier power.
I think I'd go with the ability to change genders, just so I could masturbate with both sets of hardware and maybe get fucked.

>>725235470
Do animals count, or just humans?
Does the user count, or just other people?
Do reflections count, or only direct line of sight?

>>725235470
And camera's?

I've been lurking these have been hilarious

>>725241029
>>725240961
only reason I said they're useless is because I just sit in my room all day, which I don't want to light a fireball in

>>725239896
>But the catch is there's no reason they wouldn't sting you and if they do you go into anaphylactic shock
Actually no. When bees don't have a hive to defend, they are quite peaceful and try to find a queen.

Source: Am hobby beekeeper

>>725236038
I'm picturing some anon buying sausage in bulk from the grocery store and sitting at his computer masturbating furiously as he teleports sausages into girls' orifices by stalking their Facebook pages to picture them and focus his power
My sides hurt; I would read this doujin
>>725236455
>2
Shit, I think I already have that.
>>725236494
This is pretty cool; Bene Gesserit training as a minor superpower with little practical effect beyond compromising your focus constantly. I'd be constantly snapping at people to shut them up so I could focus on breathing and heartbeat and a thousand other things muscles control.
>>725239085
It's useless because anon wanted it to escape, but you can't run from the truth
>>725241478
Right, but there's no reason they'd be less likely to sting their conjurer than anyone else. Great for producing bees, but with no queen they're fucked and summoning them for combat risks anaphylactic shock

People have no memory of you or forget you within hours

>>725242277
I already have this power..

Miss Man, Your power is that you miss everything. Also struggling with your gender.

Try to catch the bus? Missed
Try to hit a target? Miss
Try to use your epi-pen? Miss

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>>725234337
To cause a powerful orgasm within anyone I make a finger-gun at.

>>725243287
Put you're hand up in class. "Miss!"