best racist joke GO!

Why are pills white?
Because they work.

>>725149770
How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn't matter, they just beat the room for being black.

Why are you so Chinese n' shit?

oliveniggers deserve to die

>>725149770
>Two men were in the jungle, lost.
>They had been walking for days are were convinced they would die there
>Suddenly, a band of savages jumped out of the undergrowth, overpowered them and strapped them to poles
>The poles were hoisted onto the shoulders of warriors and the men were carried back to the savages' camp
More?

>>725150249
Go on ...

>>725150249
>As they were carried into a clearing, surrounded by huts, the two men could see obvious human skulls and bones
>The tribe were obviously head-hunters and/or cannibals
>There was a large pot sitting ominously on a fire off to one side
>At the sight of the warriors returning, the entire tribe came out of the huts
>The men were roughly thrown to the ground, and their bonds cut with crude knives
>Rubbing circulation back into wrists and ankles, the two Englishmen looked at the tribe menacingly surrounding them, muttering

>>725149770
How do you know there's too many monkeys in a zoo?
> You only count 3/5ths of them.

>>725149770
eeny meeny miney moe
black people, am i right?

>What do white women and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck up cunts

If I knew this was going to happen I would of picked the cotton myself.

Black "people"

How does a black woman become an efficient crime fighter?

Coathanger abortion.

a guy is hauling a pick up truck load of bowling balls on a mississippi highway

sees 2 naked black men on the side of the road...decides to give them a ride...makes them ride in the back with bowling balls

gets pulled over by highway patrol for speeding

trooper approaches truck

gets and radio and screams: "holy shit!!! suspect has a truck load of nigger eggs and two of them already hatched!!"

>>725150518
>Suddenly, a large savage with an elaborate head-dress emerged from the largest hut
>The ring of savages quickly parted to let him enter
>One of the Englishmen turned to the other and, in a low voice, said "Obviously this is their chief"
>The Chief overheard them, stopped in his tracks and, in an immaculate English accent said "I say, old boy! You're English?"

no dinosaur, I promise

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>>725150674
/thread

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>>725149770
There you Go..
What is Big, Round and Hate Blacks ?

A; World

>>725149770
that dumb cunt the yankkks just elected as president, he is the top racist joke on the planet

How do you starve a nigger?

Hide his food stamps under his work boots

what do small tits and refugees have in common?
>nobody really wants them but they are just there

What does a nigger and a slinky have in common?


Fuck if I know, but I sure as fuck like to watch the both of them tumble down a flight of steps.

>>725150816
MAGA

>>725150752
>Surprised, the two Englishmen looked ay the large, muscular savage with his elaborate head-dress in an new light
>One said "But you speak English?"
>Why yes" said the Chief "Three years at Balliol College and a 2:1 in Economics"
>"Good grief, said the Englishman called Carstairs "What luck! But how come you are here, in this place?"

What does a nigger bitch and a hockey player have in common?


They take off their pads after every 3 periods.

How does a nigger bitch take a pregnancy test?


She sticks a banana up her pussy and if it comes out half eaten you know another lil monkey nigger is on its way!

>>725150986
>"I was sent to England to get an education" the Chief said
>"The plan was for me to return and take a position in the government of my country to help with its economic development"
>"But how come you're now here, in this....place?" asked the other Englishman (who was called Smythe)

>>725149770
how do you fit 100 jews in a car?
>2 in the front, 3 in the back
>95 in the ashtray

wow none of these jokes are even remotely clever

I wrote part of a racist version of American Pie if that counts

How do you keep black people out of your back yard?
Hang one in the front.

whats long and black
>the unemployment line

>>725151191
How do you get 100 Jews out of the car?
>Tell them that Hitler is driving

>>725151187
>The large chief looked sad "My father was the chief of this tribe, and died in a tragic accident"
>"I had no choice...my people had no leader.. I had to give up my dreams for myself and my country and come here, as their hereditary leader" he said, sweeping his arm to indicate the surrounding savages

>>725151349
Shit I thought it was
>First grade

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How do you make a movie about mexicans with no mexicans at all?

what do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
>an avalanche
what do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
a jailbreak

3 gay dudes are walking on the beach and discover a lamp

they rub it and a genie pops out and grants them all 1 wish each

the 1st homo says "i wish we were having a huge gay orgy" {poof} dudes everywhere banging each others buttholes sucking dicks tongues in butts the whole thing

the 2nd pillow biter says "i wish we had a sweet beach house to host this massive gay orgy" {poof} super nice weekend at bernies style beach house indoor pool waiters serving snacks to the orgy goers dudes sucking each other off on the helapad butt sex everywhere the smell is rich with nature's pocket mixed with the salt of the ocean breeze

the 3rd nut nibbler isn't forthcoming with his wish and taking quite a long time but no one seem to notice with all of the man on man ass banging going on in the sweet luxury beach mansion and then.......

the door bursts open and the Klu Klux Klan barges in and starts stringing fags up and the other 2 fudge packers turn to sweetheart #3 and say "WATS GOING AHN WAT DID YOU WISH FOR?!?!?!"

and he replies "i wish we were all hung like niggers"

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?

Take your boot off his head.

>>725151380
Please continue OP, I'm getting very nervous.

What is the most confusing day in Harlem?

Fathers day.

hmmm....racist.
last one i heard was:
Q: "How long does it take a black woman to take a shit?"
A: "9 months"

How do you circumcised a redneck?
Lick his sister in the jaw.

How does a black woman know when she is pregnant?
>When she pulls out the tampoon and the cotton has already been picked

what do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
>a boner

What do you say to a black man in a suit?

Will the defendant please rise.

What do you call a black pilot?
Nigger.

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What's sad about 4 black guys driving a Cadillac off a cliff?
>Cadillacs seat 5

>>725151815

i forgot wat booner is

>>725151810
Kick

how do you know Adam wasn't black?

have you ever tried to take a rib from a nigger?

What does a black guy get after sex?

25 - Life.

What's the difference between a nigger and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of 4.

wots the dif btw tires and niggers?

tires dont sing when you put chains on them

>>725151380
>"Well that's bad luck for you, old chap" said Smythe,"but good luck for us. "Perhaps we could have a little water, then you could point us towards the nearest civilisation....sorry...nearest town?"
>"I'm sorry" said the Chief "that is strictly against the laws of my people, who are but a simple tribe"
>They would not understand if I let you go. I would be regarded as a failure as a leader, they would turn on me, kill me, eat me, and descend further into savagery"
>"I say" retorted Carstairs "you surely don't mean to eat us?"
>"Of course not" scoffed the chief "I am trying to use my influence to move them from their stone-age ways"
>"But you have violated their sacred hunting ground just by being here and in previous times, as you can see" the chief nodded towards the piles of skulls "they would have killed you in an instant"
>The chief fell silent.
>"I'm afraid I must allow my people to set you a test" he finally said "and if either of you fail"
>the chief looked at them, ominously "they will kill you. And there will be nothing I can do"

why do black guys have ig dicks?

god felt bad for putting pubes on their heads

>>725149937
Why are there cotton balls in pill bottles?
To remind blacks they were slaves before they were drug dealers.

wat has 4 legs and screams HO DEE DOO HO DEE DOO?

2 nigger running for an elevator

whats the difference between dead niggers and a lexus

>i dont have a lexus in my garage

What has 5000 legs, but can't walk??


Jerry's Kids

why did more niggers die in vietnam than white ppl?

whenever the sarg yelled "get down" the all dropped their weapons and started dancing

Whats the difference between niggers and tires?

Tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

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>>725152377
"Evolved" race

What's black, blue, and hates sex?
The 10 year old nigger locked in my trunk.

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>>725152377
Whites are the Supreme race

a black and a white are racing thru a tunnel who wins?

the white bc the nigger had to stop and write "motherfucker" on the wall

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

Nail bread to the ceiling.

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>>725152377
Whites are perfect in every way

>>725152554
1 off fuck you

>>725151354
kys

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how many brits to screw in a lightbulb? 0, they pay a polish guy to do it and complain he is stealing jobs

why is there no mexican olympic team?

everyone who can run jump or swim is already in the united states

Why did they put a basket of shit at the aborigine's wedding?

To keep the flies off the bride

Why did the black man keep a piece of shit in his wallet?

ID

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>>725152377
Whites have the biggest brains to date

>>725152177
>The chief turned to his surrounding people, raised his hands and said some phases in the local, guttural language
>Immediately there was muttering and dissent
>"Clearly" Smythe muttered to Carstairs "the natives are not happy with the chief's plan." "Let's hope he can pull it off" responded Carstairs
>There was much too-ing and fro-ing in the local tongue when finally, the chief gave a loud shout, the tribe fell silent, and he turned back to the two Englishmen
>"This is the decision of my people. There will be a test of two parts."
>the two Englishmen looked at each other nervously
>"You must go into the surrounding jungle, and you must return with 100 of your favourite fruit"
>"Is that it?" said Smythe, in surprise
>"Thank your lucky stars I was able to keep it to this" said the chief, sharply
>"You really don't want to know what their first idea was. Now be off with you! Start your challenge if you want to live!"
>So the two Englishmen immediately move off together down the track, but there was a roar from the savages
>The Englishmen stopped, worried at the change of tone

quit with the racism guys, racism is a crime
and crime is for niggers

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>>725152377
Whites are not savages

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>>725152377
Whites will never be inbreds

chinese guy goes to the eye doctor and the eye doctor says "mr wong it appears from the testing that you have a cataract"

mr wong replies "NO I DRIVE RINKIN KONTARENTAL"

>>725152832
>they stick the fruits up their asses. old story is old and the real joke is funnier
>GTFO

What do you call a gathering of 5 Hispanic, 1 Chinese and 9 black men?

A water sprinkler

>Spic, Spic, Spic, Spic, Spic, Chink, Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga

Finish it

>>725153085
>the real joke is funnier
as opposed to the artificial one?

>>725153085
Captain Buzzkill wants to prove how clever and funny he is.

Fails.

>>725152832
Why are you posting this in tiny bitesize paragraphs? It's fucking Autistic. The text cap is much larger you know?

I'm this guy
>>725150249
>>725150518
>>725150752
>>725150986
>>725151187
>>725151380
>>725152177
>>725152832
As instructed by this guy (who is perfectly correct, btw) I'm going to GTFO

Thank him in an appropriate way.

>>725151907
Like, when you get a hard one

>>725153642
*This guy
>>725153085

>>725149770
Black rights

>>725153642
You suck at telling jokes. I'm outta here

>>725152832
Finish!

>>725149770
I have a horrible memory for jokes, but I do remember one.

What's worse than a bunch of polaks trying to build a house under water?
A bunch of niggers trying to burn it down.

>>725149770
Whats the difference between a nigger and a bag of shit?
The bag.

Why are black people so tall? Because their knee-grows.

>>725153251
this is an awful telling by an unfunny autistic person

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>>725153637
It was a balance. I have retarded typing skills, so it's either long pauses while I type and risk losing the audience, or short posts to keep the interest while I hunt-and-peck

Still, it's moot now (if you'll pardon the pun)

see
>>725153642
>>725153700
I was just trying to amuse my fellow /b/tards

>>725152540
Cultural appropriation.

>>725149770
Death to all jews.

What train has as rating not 5 but hundreds of stars?

The train to Auschwitz

>>725153818
>>725153085
Samefag

How do you calculate the trajectory of a jew?

oven multiplied with shovel

>>725149770
What's the difference between a nigger and a pizza?

A pizza can fees a family of four.

>>725153959
You sound like the guy at the party who when everyone is joking around, you try and make a joke, and everyone is embarrassed for you.

>>725152627
>Whites are perfect in every way

Yes they are, please see
>>725152727

What did Hitler say after his jewish football team lost a game?

"Ah, it's no problem guys. Just take a shower"

>whats the difference between a jew and pizza

>pizza doesn't scream when put into the oven

>>725154120
Why yes! Were you there? I'll bet you were the little guy with the odd haircut who was cuddling up to that large, hairy rugby player.

>>725154235
pure fucking autism

>>725154235
You didn't have to prove my point.

>>725154289
>>725154355
>>725153818
>>725153937

samefaggng this hard

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>>725151590
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0hv3p4O4wRF

I need some advice guys, if I paint my computer black will it run faster? Or stop working?

>>725154620
neither

>>725149770
What fo you call 4 niggers in a sleeping bag?
A kit kat

>how do african kids play hide and seek?
>they lay down in the shade of their moms empty clothes line

>>725154620
Do you have a bike?

>>725150618
Kys

>>725154620

if you whip it hard enough it'll work

>>725149770
A 10 year old black girl walks into a Library and asks the librarian, "Can I use the colour printer?"

The Librarian looks down at her and says, "It's 2017, sweetie, you can use whichever printer you like."

>>725154534
nice voice faggot

>>725152298
You need to learn how to spell phonetically because your joke came out shit and uneducated redneck style

>>725150816
FUCK U....WHITEY HOMO

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>>725149770
walkin down the street, see an abbo wearing only one thong
asked him "hey mate, what happened to the other one? did you lose it?"
he replies "nah mate, I found one"

what's the only positive thing about black people?


HIV

How come you don't see black people in The Flintstones?

They haven't evolved yet.

What's the difference between a black girl's pussy and a bowling ball?

You could eat a bowling ball if you had to

>>725153642
You must be autistic to tell jokes this poorly. Even via text where i am expected to simulate the context and nuance myself - you still managed to make a typed out joke seem even shitter.

Its actually impressive. You would make a good demoralising psyop spy in enemy army units. You would make everyone shoot themselves in the head

why does beyonce sing to the left, to the left?

black people have no rights

what do you call 5 black people having sex?

a threesome

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>>725152298
I don't get it.

>a german, a turkish, an american and a chinese man sit together in a train.
>suddenly the american opens the window and throws money out.
>what are you doing ask the others
>we have too much of that, the american replies
>then suddenly the chinese opens the window again, throws rice out and says 'we have too much of that'
>the turkish man begins sweating, turns to the german and shouts "DONT YOU DARE!"

>>725149770
A black guy a latino and a white guy are lost in the Mojave desert where they find a magic lamp.

A genie comes out and offers them each a wish.

The black guy says: "I wish me and all my people were back home and happy in africa."

Poof! He's gone.

The latino says: "I wish me and all my people were back south of the border and happy."

Poof! He's gone.

The white guy says: "Wait, so there're no niggers and no spics in america?"

The genie says: "No. Not anymore."

The white guy say: "Oh. I guess I'll just have a coke then."

>>725154970
That one actually made me laugh.

>>725155591
EleGiggle

>>725149770

>Black guy and a mexican have a competition
>Whoever jumps off the cliff and lands first wins
>So who wins?

Society

>>725155485
Well played.

>>725154235
Damn now even I feel bad for you

Why are redneck murder cases the hardest to solve? Because all the DNA matches and there are no dental records.

What do you call a black guy flying an airplane?
The pilot.

A Jimmy Carr......
"If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then we could save millions of mosquitos from dying every year of AIDS."

>>725149770
A man walks into a knick-knack shop in Brooklyn, looking for something to decorate his new flat.

He browses around for a while, and he sees it- an ironic sculpture of a rat cast in pure brass, its eyes some kind of inlaid red crystal. It was, in a word, perfect.

So he gets it run up and goes to leave. He tosses it in the back seat of his car and pulls out. Shortly after, he sees something queer in his mirror... like the ground is moving. Not long after it comes into focus- rats. Millions and millions of rats. Pouring out of ever alley and sewer drain and out of every crack in every building he passes... all the rats in New York are chasing him!

This statue must be cursed, he thought, I have to get rid of it. But he sees an opportunity. He can cleanse NY of its massive pest problem... he guns the accelerator, heading straight for the harbor.

And still, the rats pour out as he drives, building in the street until they form a wave ten feet high, every rat in the city.

Still gunning it, he's approaching a dock. At the last second... he leaps out of the car, and it sails into the river. The wave of rats don't hesitate as they dive in after it. Soon every rat in New York City has drowned.

The man heads back to the antique store, soaking wet, scrapes on his face and arms, rips in his clothes.

"My god, what happened to you?!"

"You sold me that cursed rat statue, and I was chased by every rat in the city!"

"I'm so sorry, my friend. Why don't we see about getting you a refund."

"Hell with a refund, I want a replacement! Got any brass niggers?"

What do you say to a Polack with two black eyes?
Nothing, he's already been told twice.

How many Irishmen does it take to change a bulb?
Two, one to hold the bulb, the other to drink until the room spins.

>>725156116
thats just scary anon

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>>725156916

What's long and hard on a nigger?

Third grade.

>>725157227
read it cunt

Two niggers walk into a bar to get a drink, not realizing they walked into a gay bar.
One gets up to use the can, and while he's at the urinal, a faggot sidles up to him and asks...
"Hey big boy, how'd you like a hand job?"
Nigger replies "Fuck off cracka, the fucks wrong with you?"
Faggot leaves, only to have another faggot sidle up to him right after to ask, "Hey big boy, how'd you like a blow job?"
Nigger replies "What the fuck, go away you fukkin honkey."
Nigger finishes pissing and then goes back to his buddy at the bar.
"Fuck, we gotta get out of here."
Buddy replies "Wh?, I just ordered drinks."
.
"Fuck, I've only been in this bar for 5 minutes, and these crackas have already offered me two jobs."

How do you make a 4 year old little nigger boy cry twice?

You wipe your bloody dick on his Lebron James doll

What's the difference between a Canadian and a Canoe?
Canoes tip.
.
Why is American beer like have having sex on the beach?
They're both fuckin near water.

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>>725157493
Fair enough.

What do you call two niggers fucking?
>Fucking Niggers.

A white man and nigger fall out of a tree, who hits the ground first?
>the white guy, because the nigger had a noose.

>two Alabama Sheriff and his deputy respond to crime scene
>body of black man found at the bottom of a pond
>weighted down wrapped in chains
>deputy says, "Looks like a murder, Sheriff."
>Sheriff replies, "Son, you have a lot to learn about law enforcement in Alabama."
>"That boy dun' stole more chains than he could carry."

>>725149937
hahahahahaha

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>read in nigvoice like Uncle Remus
Rufus, Rastus and Lamontane are sitting around the porch one day, when Lamontane asks:
"Hey y'all, whatchu think de bes invention iz?"
Rufus says, "Well.. I think it got to be da aw-toe-moe-beeel"
"Awwwww nigga you crazy, why yous thinkin dat?"
Rufus says "Weeeellll, it get you from point A to point B real darn quick, and you get weah you wan go!"
Rastus says, "Son you wrong as heeeelll. It got to be da ae-ro-plane!"
"NIGGA WAAAAAAT YOU CRAZY"
Rastus says, "Thin bout it. It do erethin the automobile do, but it do a whole lot quicka!"
Lamontane says, "Gemmun, yous bof wrong. De bes invention of aw time is da THERMOS!"
"WHA WHA WHA WHA NIGGAAAAAA YOU OUT YO MIIIIIIND! AWWWW HELLLL!"
Lamontane says,
"Da thermos... you put da hot watta in, it stay HOT. You put da cowd watta in, it stay cowd....
.....
"How do it know?"

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>>725157588
>>725159116
>>725158181

Top Keks

>>725157588
Kek

>>725155205

I don't get it -- does "thong" mean something else in aussie?

Why do crows steal? cuz they're black

>>725160358
flip flop

or sandle

>>725156839

At least provide a link:
https://youtu.be/TcBRePwOPPI?t=68

>>725160358
A thong is a type of slipper you retard.

USfag here and I've heard them called that here.

>>725149770
What do you get when you cross 4 mexicans, an asian and 4 black guys?

A water sprinkler
(Spick spick spick spick chink nigga nigga nigga nigga)

A machine appears in a town one day, offering to turn anyone to a white skinned person for only 25 cents. 2 black men decide to to get 50 cents, have one get turned white, and then give the quarter to his friend so that he can become white. The first black man enters and comes out a white man. His friend than says, "Ok, now give me the change." The white man just laughs and tells him, "Get a job you ashy negro!"

What's the difference between a nigger, and a piece of dog shit?

After a while, the dog shit turns white, and stops stinking.

>>725149770
Nigger walks into a bar

>>725157227

It's a joke thread.To laugh at a joke will require you to read said joke. Not reading a joke will deprive you of laughter fuckwit.

>>725153642
are you fucking serious for fucks sake

>>725159898

It's actually a funny clever joke even without the race part -- and we're a family of scientists.