ITT we're in Tescos

Pass me the milk

Where's the chips aisle?

>>725143240
>proceeds to discounted food section
>fights passed old people to get to shelves
>fills trolley with every yellow sticker item there
>nigger I don't even like smoked salmon

ive lost my mom

>>725144497
> My nan must be browsing /b/

>Cums onto vegetables

>>725144482
fuckin americunt

>>725143240
I hate shopping with my mom

>>725143240
I want some of those Wasabi Peanuts but I don't know which isle they're in. What isle are the Wasabi Peanuts in? Hey! What isle are the Wasabi Peanuts in. You've been here before, where are the Wasabi Peanuts. Wasabi Peanuts.

please explain the reputation tesco has
>they dont exist in canada land

Oh, furk bitch. I been blackbagged to limeyworld by the fucking cia

> walk in
> look around and wonder what the fuck is a tesco

>>725144923
It's a supermarket. Bloody yanks.

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Why is everyone here such miserable cunts?

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>you have 10 trillion clubcard points!
>holy shit, can't wait to see what vouchers I get with these!
>40p off courgettes
>out of stock

>>725145057
I scan that card out of habit cos I put it on my car keys when I got it.

Never done anything with it. Don't even know how to cash them in.

>>725144882
It's just a supermarket. Not a budget one, or super expensive, around the middle.

They also do cell phone cards and I think you can even get a loan from them.

Recently they got in trouble for not paying their suppliers on time, and not paying their staff at all, and had to shell out £40+ million in costs.

So our fucking milk price is gonna go up.

>>725145458
unless you have a local supplier, perhaps? (villagefag)

>>725145294
If they have your address they'll send vouchers to you based on what you buy.

Despite my post they can actually give half decent discounts.

I work for tescos its shit.

I nearly got hit my a rogue airborne sprout in morrisons once. fuck tesco.

>go get some lambrini for me missus
>go to the fags counter to get some tobacco with me lambrini
>dont want the lads to see me carrying lambrini when I walk home past the local
>i rinsed me pennies jar in the house and have the exact amount ready
>she adds on 5p for the plastic bag
>now hold a minute you wazzock im not paying for no plastic bag its a free country
>I'm sorry sir it's the law, we have to charge for the plastic bag
>Start chimping out i know my rights etc
>Security guard comes over and asks me to leave
>I'll smash yer fuckin noggin m8
>Unexpectedly handles me and pushes me out of tesco
>He's lucky I got my best trackie on or his nose would be splattered all over his face I swear on me mum
>I still got the lambrini
>Walk home put me hood up hoping dennis pecker and richie robinson won't notice me walking past the local
>They are outside the chippy fuck
>Oi look its larry lambrini! Oi oi gonna go have a drink with the boyfriend are ya!!
>H-h-haha yeah good one dennis
>They start throwing their chips at me
>S-stop it m8s me mum just washed this trackie
>Go home crying because theres salt & vinegar and tomato sauce sauce stains all over me best hoody
>Walk in to the harmony of my four screaming
>Shut it you cunts
>Me missus sprawled on the sofa watching jezza
>Fat bitch
>Oi larry wheres me fags you useless twat
>I didnt have enough money for your fags you fat cunt go nosh off john next door for some fag money before i put yer head thru the tv
>She fucks off to nosh off the neighbour
>Lock the kids in the cupboard under the stairs
>Sit down infront of the tv
>Ah fantastic just me and jezza now
>Door knocks
>Sir you haven't paid for your tv license
>Oh for fuck sake get off my properteh before I get gnasher me pitbull to deal with u cunts
>Rozzer bonks me on the head
>Wake up in the slammer dying for some chips
>Nosh off Ahmed and his five brothers for some chip money

>>725146067
Store or DC?

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>>725145899
Last month I got vouchers for 9£ total and some double points on veg. BEST FUCKING DAY OF THE YEAR

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>>725146297
Birmingham sounds fun

>>725144770
Aisle*

>>725147035
what?

>>725145899
I got a "free 250 points with your next purchase voucher" scan that shit about a million time in self service and stuff the coupon slot with scrap paper. Now got £250 worth of vouchers

>>725146297
Im fucking DYING

>>725143240
Someone grab me some tunnocks teacakes please......

oi cunt ill fuckin race you in my nans corsa for 10p and a bag crisps

>>725143240
Do this >>725145032
Post pics

True story
>be me
>upstairs in tescos looking st the vidya
>darksouls 2 just realeased
>aint got the monnies
>stay looking at it as I walked backwards
>I can feel the bonfires warmth
>hit something and fall over
>look down and its the 5'2" midget with a fucked up spaztoid arm that works at the tesco
>Im accidently cupping her lopsided boob
>m8 laughs
>I get up and apologise
Next 3 yearsof school im the retarded midget fiddler

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>>725143240
wtf?! This isn't walmart!

>>725145008
You're on an American website you fucking british faggot nobody gives a fuck about tesco or your shitty attempt at humour

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>>725148939
>American website

>>725148939
>humour
Why did you spell humor with a U?

>>725149037
Yes American you fucking retard

>>725149085
Use Google next time before posting and making yourself look like a down syndrome

>>725149495
Oh, you're my favorite person of the day so far!

Keep it up, old chap!

>>725149426
So Americans came up with this?

>>725149495
So Yanks spell armor and color without the U, but humour with it?

>>725149847
Yeah, "chan" is an American word. Didn't you know?

>>725149930
Damnit the Jews bamboozled me again sorry anon

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>>725148939
>Oh you silly Americans.

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>>725148939
>>725149495

>>725149882
I don't spell any of those with an extra letter, im too lazy for that shit

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>>725148939
Merkste selber, wa?

>>725143240
do they still have those shitty meals in the cafeteria?

>>725147296
It's spelt aisle not isle

>waddle through front door
>stare at the nigger security
>go to fresh pizza
>order 12 topping pizza
>she say no only 6
>I pay for two pizzas and have her scrape one onto the other
victory
>go buy five bottles of tesco own Coke and a bottle of vodka
>proceed to self service checkout so I don't have to interact with the fucks
>"beep"light thing lights up
>faggot comes over to check age and swipe his card
>he says hi
>I just look at him leave and walk the two miles home cause I fucking hate bus people
>arrive home two hours later
Sadly this is true I do it twice a week

>>725150776
I just want some god damned, motherfucking Wasabi Peanuts!

>£3 meal deal

>>725150776
Food corridors is the correct term

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>We somehow appear in ASDA

>>725146297
lost

>>725151411
Haha I've been to that exact Asda store

>>725151893
>>725151411

What's the point of those windmills?

They don't do anything, they're just there because it's called Windmill Retail Park

>>725143240
Allah Akbar

>walk in
>get look from security guy
>he's probably just bored out of his skull
>try and find the eggs
>avoid a loudly breathing wobbly mountain thing
>walk down a different aisle so as not to try and wade through the army of foul-mouthed children and their even more foul-mouthed mother vainly trying to shepherd them
>find the eggs
>feel like picking up a snack
>sausage rolls maybe
>head to the aisle with the ready meals
>it's full of gormless, dead-eyed excuses for humans
>decide against it
>go and pick up some milk
>all of them expire in not nearly enough time to actually use all of it
>get a medium sized one anyway
>walk to self checkout
>avoid the cashiers because I don't particularly want to talk to them
>I know they're doing their job but I'd still rather not
>join self checkout queue
>chavvy mcchavface at the front of the queue takes a full minute to notice that a checkout is free because he's busy arguing with his pet crack whore
>get to front of queue
>find checkout
>scan items
>machine gives an error
>wait several millenia for the person to come along and swipe their store login card
>machine rejects a coin
>keeps rejecting it
>pay by card instead
>put items in backpack
>walk out
>have to weave through a maze of groups of people taking up the entire path, colossal hamgalaxies taking up the entire path, people riding bikes who've clearly ignored the no cycling signs and are still trying to ride down a crowded high street and asian students walking unpredictably because they hold their phones in front of their face at eye level and ignore literally everything else

This shit is why I only shop in the evenings
Portsmouth sucks

Go find Grandma's Cheese

What is that?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeU6zzn58EI