Who doesn't like these sort of things? Super Speed

I always have just enough money in my pocket

having to suck a large nigger dick everytime you post something on the internet

>>725129614
Only works with your eyes closed
>>725129651
But the pocket is in whatever pants you left at home
>>725129674
It's yours, and attached to the base of your spine like a tail

>>725129614
Infinite shits

>>725129651
It's always foreign currency

the infinity gauntlet is real and it's mine and it fits perfectly on my hand

>>725129674
Unless you're OP

>>725129832
You're a nigger

>>725129832
It only works during a sneeze

>>725129651
I want that too
and two copies for my friends...

Thu'um

>>725129938
Kek

>>725130005
It only works if you're asleep

>>725130003

Lawful good

>>725129614
My iq is over 160

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>>725129614

The power to control the Earth's economy yayyyyssssss

>>725129614
> Super Speed
But when you use it you break your bones

Ability to shit a live otter at will

>>725130273
But you have to cut your foreskin if for that

>>725130244
You're Helen Keller disabled

>>725130376
Thats evil

>>725130273
but only when a pack of feral niggers fucks you and your loved ones in the ass.

>>725129938
lol

The power to cast magic missile

>>725130356
When you shit the Otter you will piss a Rat at Same time

>>725130469
Lose a finger every time you cast it

>>725130469
The Magic Missiles are a red rockets from old guys

>>725129614
I can change my sex whenever i want

>>725129614
In bed.

The ability to die on command.
Not other people.
Myself.

>>725129614
Can destroy the whole planet with my mind

>>725130604
You're a 1/10 no matter which sex you are

>>725130604
When in women form you look like dog the bounty hunter

>>725130526
After all fingers, do i start losing toes?
>>725130570
I see nothing wrong with this

>>725130637
Random planet every time

>>725130609
You have to eat a pound of your own shit before you can do it

>>725130507
We talking farm rat,city rat, or lab rat?

>>725130609
You are reincarnated ten minutes later, in the same body and bed

stop time

>>725130697
I don't see the downside

>>725130609
but every time you do it you get reincarnated somewhere in india

>>725129832
every time you use it's power, you gain 60 pounds of fat that you can't shed
>>725130005
Without dragons to kill, you can't absorb any souls to activate/evolve the abilities. That's just the actual limitation.
>>725130244
and everyone else is boosted to the equivalent of 10k IQ
>>725130273
except you can't spend or amass any amount of it for yourself / friends / family.

>>725130744
You immediate shit when time resumes, and it takes on the form of time elapsed
IE, you stop for a week, shit a weeks worth of shit at once

>>725129614
Can teleport the entirety of the Jewish population to mars

>>725130822
Mars gets colonozed when you do, and becomes better than earth

>>725130808
>>725130713
Why are homosexuals so obsessed with shit?

Ability to rewatch or relive any media or event in perfect clarity, within your mind

i can masturbate 500 times a day without dying
they call me the master bater

>>725130756
With the amount of planets in the universe the likelihood that you'll get the Planet you want is almost 0. Very strong power but it's utterly useless.

>>725130893
Fine, nigga will piss himself for the duration time was stopped

Stop time for an hour? Immediately piss for an hour straight

>>725129614
Demonic powers/soul siphoning
>inb4 edgy

>>725130944
Only happens when you get a paper cut on your pee hole

>>725131014
Gotta suck the soul out through the penis, and only the penis

>>725131040
That's rough

>>725130944
you're trapped in your head... becoming part of that media forever once you do

>>725131040
Still has worth i think

>>725131008
Let me rephrase, why are homosexual obsessed with defecation?

>>725130356
the otter returns up your ass in five minutes time
>>725130469
you're immediately very very hungry after one cast
>>725130609
the afterlife is real and using this power counts as suicide
>>725130604
it takes five years to fully TRANSform
>>725130637
immediately after using your power, your will to live flips on, full force

>>725131108
Why the fuck you being pedantic in a useless superpowers thread?

>>725130822
For every 1000 jews you teleport, a random friend, family member, colleague ot neighbour is replaced with a sand nigger

>>725131052
Fuck. You left the demonic powers untouched though mwuahhaahha

the ability to learn any skill in 3 minutes
>sport music handwork etc

>>725130944
You can only relive moments televised by Fox

>>725131177
each skill you learn in this matter ages you by 3 years

>>725131177
Every time you learn sonething new you forget something

>>725130983
No gf ever

>>725131177
Every skill you learn paralyzes a new body part

>>725130005
>>725130799
i doubt that the greybeards ever killed a dragon to learn thu'ums

>>725131177
You must hold your breath the entire time you learn it, and you are still bound by physical laws

Try playing the tuba holding your breath, friend

>>725131232
>This is how you do it

Fucking nightmarish

>>725130983
You can't feel pleasure

The ability to reply to this post or your mother will die in her sleep tonight no immunities

Whenever i get hungry, a meal of my choosing will appear

>>725130983
There's a 1/500 chance your entire family will appear in the room with you.

>>725131165
Jokes on you, I have no friends or family

>>725131177
everytime you do, you forget something really important to you

>>725131362
its cooked by Amy Schummer

the ability to do look more like

>>725131177
You perform all activities like a retard when you attempt to do them or explain them

>>725131362
It's spoiled

>>725130744
it stops for everyone, including you
>>725130944
you risk inceptioning the shit out of yourself, going deeper into memories and flashbacks and memories
>>725131014
you can only use it while giving fellatio
>>725131177
every time you learn a skill, your head gets 10% bigger. your eyes stay the same size

>>725131396
>>725131467
Same thing right?

>>725131414
You have to go twice as far as decided to use each time

>>725130244
You're eggman

>>725131495
Kek

Control/create and transform into any elements

>>725131353
Fuck you

>>725131353
a

>>725131551
30% chance you get it wrong and it or you become something else from the P table

>>725129614
Can disassemble a gun with my mind

Teleport anywhere I have been before or can see

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Telekinesis to such a degree that I can manipulate atomic structures

>>725131657
after you fire a round into your skull

>>725131362
it gives you diarrhea for everything you eat

every bet or gambling i do... i win. always.

>>725131657
Only after being shot with gun in question

shit small pellets of gold whenever i eat geese meat

>>725131683
you can only lift and move things as far as you could by physically moving it yourself.
so you can only throw and object as far as you could humanly

>>725131682
you were born blind and have no sense of direction

>>725130005
You can only use Dragonrend

>>725131763
Geese are extinct

>>725131683
while using telekinesis your head hurts like it exploded

>>725131683
you have to sleep to do it

>>725131731
The entire world knows you can do this.

the ability to barely avoid death

Mind reading.

>>725131927
While you read someone's mind they know and can read yours

>>725131927
The only mind you can read is your own.

>>725131913
you still suffer Excessive wounds in the process
>>725131927
you can only read minds of people under 10 years old and over 90

>>725131913
only once. at the age of 90 when lying in your bed and almost slip away... you avoid death and die the next day.

>>725131763
a pack of drug lords captured you and force feed you the geese meat trough your butthole to make the ingestion process faster to make the gold faster also you turned into a sissy faggot in the process

>>725131383
Shit. That's actually a great idea for a story.

>>725131927
can't control whose mind you read and you're constantly bombarded with the thoughts of everyone around you in a 10mile radius

>>725131771
So would this ability improve the more I improve my body?

>>725130715
Yes

>>725132105
obviously

>>725131827
What if I lucid dream?

Mind reading

>>725132199
can't control whose mind you read and you're constantly bombarded with the thoughts of everyone around you in a 10mile radius

>>725132199
Can only read the minds of girls/boys/traps that are only thinking of a certain subject and that subject is cock/BBC

>>725132143
sure. you just have to sleep. so you can't just walk around and do it whenever you want.

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>>725131913
You'll eventually end up like pic related

i can create the dankest maymays and post them on the best sites on the interwebz (9gag, tumblr etc.)

>>725129614
The power to make people happy. None of this oxytocin shit, I want the power to make them content and fulfilled, happy they are alive and ready to push limits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH3ruuml-R4

>>725132424
It would be too dank for anyone to get, so they label it as cancer

ability to cause incurable nipple cancer in anyone i want

>>725132451
you can only use this power on bad people who wont stop doing bad things like rape and murder

>>725132475
sounds familiar

>>725132530
you have to rip out one of your own teeth to do so

>>725132589
touche

>>725132533
Wouldn't have it any other way

>>725132530
every time you use your power a doctor is notified of the person you gave cancer to and knows you did it

Ability to keep my dick clean of cheese without washing it.

>>725132612
who cares if they know, its incurable then i can just make any doctor/hand of the law get it

>>725132667
by eating it

>>725131263
too bad there aren't greybeards irl then...
still, where do you find the word walls and even if you did you'd have to meditate on them for months even with dragonborn powers

>>725132667
You have constant taste of smegma in ya mouth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp5JCrSXkJY

>>725132669
and then you're imprisoned for life as a danger for society. you can give everyone on planet earth nipple cancer, sure... but you'll spend the rest of your days in a dirty cell.

>>725130604
you also become extremely depressed leading to inevitable suicide

>>725132723
>>725132753
I think you two were either made for each other or have eaten the only cheese worse than maggot cheese.
I'm going with the second one. What if I wanted to shoot gamma radiation from my hands?

i can always cancel and overturn any limitation set by other anons

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>>725129614
I want the superpower to not feel this feel

>>725132451
The person you use it on knows their happiness is an illusion. So they will never be truly content because they can never know if the happiness that they are feeling is from their own experiences or just from you. So they are happy, but they are not, and they hate you for it.

>>725130944
9/11 doesn't give you a massive erection anymore

>>725129614
Impossible knowledge (to just know things as or before things happen where as it would be impossible to know.)

>>725132793
im sure i can coax anarchists or some shit to break me out in exchange for not giving them nipple cancer

I can shapeshift at will by my choosing.

>>725132882
you're not immune to the effects of radiation and would eventually succumb to it

>>725132908
you're constantly thinking about limitations yourself and those take effect and cannot be canceled

>>725129815
you can only shit on the toilet

>>725132908
But you are unable to overcome your own limitations.
>>725132917
Even better that way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLV4_xaYynY

>>725132908
No one else in your life will ever show interest in anything you do that doesn't violate the NAP, in which they will react with extreme force for even the slightest misconceptions.

>>725129614
I can never die right....

>>725132950
it takes you 1 month to complete a change and you can't stop untill you're fully changed

>>725132882
You are still affected by the radiation like a normal human would be

>>725132882
You forever suffer with severe radiation sickness

Imagine being on chemotherapy 24/7. About twice as worse.

>>725132913
How long have you had this picture? I'm upset I haven't seen it before, love the Proclaimers.

>>725133071
And it's extremely painful

>>725133049
...But you will never appreciate life because there is always more of it.

>>725132950
Alright, but you're a sapient mass of barnacles, and always have the color scheme.

I'll take confusion inducement.

>>725133091
Literally just found it on google by searching >tfw

>>725132913
Everyone else in the thread feels the feel. And then it spreads until the board is renamed /feel/

>>725132933
You are bombarded with knowledge from the entire universe and it never stops, even when you sleep.

>>725133049
you're always tired and your body has to rest for up to 1000 years each time you go to sleep... until the earth is eventually empty of life... or even destroyed and you float around in space unable to die

>>725133183
>Literally just found it on google by searching >tfw
fuck you

>>725133071
Fuck.

>>725132933
You only know things that are completely irrelevant to everyday life

For example, you will never know the weather, but you'll know every time a lion gets snu snu in Africa

i can teleport 2 times a day

>>725133462
You always teleport to the wrong place at the wrong time.

>>725133462
each time you teleport you mistake the height of the spot so you end up teleporting at different height, 3 meters above the ground or below ground

>>725133462
The locations are locked to the place you first took a shit and a designated shitting street in India.

The ability to use the Human Torch's "Flame On!' ability.

>>725133462
But when you do so you are relegated to the frame of reference of the universe, as dictated by that background noise. So, essentially, the first time you teleport your skin rips off considering how fast the planet is moving below you. Then your muscles/fat, bones get shredded, and you arrive finally as a thin red mist over a couple miles of farmland in Northern Ireland.

>>725133462
Every time you teleport, the chances increase that you'll end up inside a solid object. And it'll eventually get to 100%

>>725133354
kek, that's good.

>>725133579
>below ground
omfg no
>>725133588
that could still be useful... like... getting in trouble and just teleporting away to my shitting spot

you are not immune to the heat and just burn alive

>>725133588
>"Flame On!"

The intensity with which you "ignite" is so great that it is comparable to the sun.
>Easy Mode
Blinds everyone in immediate vicinity.
>Hard Mode
Detonates the Entire planet.

>>725133588
You're not flame resistant.

I can breath underwater.

shoot bullets out of my fingers

>>725133801
they always shoot the opposite direction

>>725133796
Through your anus.
>>725133801
But only at black people.

The power of assimilation.

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>>725133838

ultimate knowledge about everything

i have the ability of autism

>>725129614
Sanic.

i'm part of a group of super heroes and gods that have awesome abilities and/or tech that make them pretty much undefeatable.
and i can shoot arrows pretty well.

Read minds

>>725133796
Severely allergic to salt

>>725133702
>>725133740
Those were commonplace fellas!
>>725133726
I'd go Hard Mode, pretty deep into Nihilism.
>>725133796
Every breath you make underwater alters your body to only accept oxygen through water until you can no longer survive on land without pulling a Hellboy.
>>725133801
The recoil will rip your finger to shreds. You have 20 shots if you use your toes, stubby. 21 if you feel lucky.

>>725133914
But you lost your bow

>>725133921
But never selectively. You can hear them 24/7 365 without being able to single out a though inbetween the screamig

>>725133949
that's okay. they let me tag along for some reason anyways.

>>725133903
no matter how fast you run, you cannot escape that feel

>>725133870
Define.
>>725133889
But you are relegated to the mind of a bowl of petunias.
>>725133901
But your mother eats tendie before you can shove them up your rear end.
>>725133921
>Literally

Also, G'night and don't let the bed bugs bite. Signing off, space niggers

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>>725134058
>But your mother eats tendie before you can shove them up your rear end.

i can do everything hurr durr

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>>725129614
I wish I could pause and unpause time and be able to move around freely

>>725134058
I can incorporate living and non-living materials into myself at will.
>absorb rock. get rocky armor
>absorb bird. get wings
>etc

>>725134222
you wish. but there's no one to grant you that wish, so nothing changes.

>>725129614
the ability to do anything with no limitations and any attempts to put limitations on you is met with defeat

>>725134222
You can only pause time during Haley's Comet.
>>725134244
The additional mass shows, you'll balloon up just after a few "victims" and be labeled obese.

>>725134244
each time you do some of it stays inside your body... until you're eventually more of whatever the fuck you absorbed than human... like some deformed rock troll or whatnot

>>725134222
You can't see, hear or breathe because air and light are still affected by the flow of time

>>725134244
You eventually become a hideous amalgamate of all the things you've absorbed, without a shred of humanity left in you

>>725134282
> any attempts to put limitations on you is met with defeat

Okay well thanks, but you are a vegetable with extreme phantom pain.

>>725134244
Bacteria and Viruses absorb into as soon as you touch a person. Aids, STDS, etc....

>>725134282
You are a physical paradox and can not exist in any dimension ever

>>725133901
you can only release your fullest potential on an anime imageboard

The power to effect the nerves of the brain in people.

>>725134364
>>725134348
Sounds rad tbh

>>725131177
Works only in the sims

>>725134511
Doing so has the same effect on your own brain

>>725134518
But you won't be human enough to enjoy it

Control over metal

whatever i say is true. if it isn't already... it becomes true as past, present and future change to fit whatever i say.

The power to escape anything within 2 minutes

>travels the time and go on /b/ and post

>>725134558

I'm surprisingly okay with this

>Force happiness in me and others.
>Doing anything other than positive effects hurts me.

Balances out nicely.

>>725134621
Can only control 7 grams of metal at a time

>>725134621
Every metal you try to control becomes plastic in 10 seconds.,

>>725134655

Your life becomes a never ending cycle of escapes.

>>725134644
born mute

>>725134644
You can only say negative things about you and your family

>>725134621
but your brother's body get shredded as you try to resurrect your mother and you trap his soul into a metal golem until you find a way to get his body back.
also there's a half little girl half dog chimera creature somewhere in the mix

>>725134655
but you have to have initiated the process a day ago.

>>725134739
savage

>>725129614
It takes you 4 miles to stop.

>>725134750
you monster...

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>>725134750

>>725134731
Wont work, because I have the power to escape a life of never ending cycle

>>725134750
I didn't ask for this feel, you monster

>>725130005
But you sound like joe pasquale

Control of water.

The power to project dreams into others or read their dreams (Sleeping dreams not aspirations.)

>>725134845
Touch of water melts u like wax.

>>725134845
But you can't swim

>>725134818

But once you escape that, you must escape it again. Because your life is a never ending escape.

>>725134850
Only dreams with your grandma having sex with your dog.

>>725134845
but you only exist in a bad m. night. shyamalan movie

>>725130604
Sjws worship you and follow you around life of brian style.

>>725134850
there's a 50% chance that either the dream, or its exact opposite does come true.

>>725134921
you monster...

>>725134850
But 1/10 you fail, and inject gay porn instead

>>725134850
Can only project bad omens/nightmares

>>725134850
they nightmares become real for you

I can eat as much feces as I want without throwing up.

>>725134901
But I'd escape the whole cycle. Its the power to escape ANYTHING. Try again

>>725133889
but you can only access it after you haven't had any sexual release in a year...

Reviving the dead

>>725134986
You become Edmund McMillen when you do.

>>725135002

You'd escape the cycle into a new cycle, you'd constantly be escaping it. always, forever. And even when you escape forever, you fall into another forever to escape.

>>725134884
No problem, because If I control it, it can't touch me.

>>725134894
I don't swim anyway, to fat for this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

>>725134986
But It's still bad for you

>>725134986
But u shit 3 full sized jackfruits everyday

>>725135020
Only the dead who were cut into pieces.

>>725135020
but you they try to eat you all the time

>>725135020
The person you love the most dies horribly every time you bring someone back

>>725135020
a part of u dies for every revival

>>725135095
>can revive the dead
>kills people when he does
oh no, how will he be able to deal with that?

>>725134621
You can only make shitty covers of pop songs

>>725135020
Only works on dinosaurs

>>725135136
Noice

>>725135136
Hue...i see what you did.

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Ability to turn a chad into a neet.

>>725135131
The person he loves most, bro. And if he tries to bring them back, they die an even more horrible death. Its a never-ending cycle of pain and torment

>>725135250
Fills your asshole with earthworms...alive ones.

>>725135250
A different NEET becomes a Chad in his place. But never you. Because you're trash.

The ability to delete 4chan replies before they happen.

>>725129614
>filename
>"comment"

we're being invaded by normies

>>725135366
But replace them with 9gag posts.

>>725135401
no, facebook posts

>>725135401
You bitch....

>>725135366
You instantly become moot

I always have the right sum of money on me whenever I want to pay for something

>>725135095
...So they die, and you revive them... Who dies then?

I can ask any person to do anything, and he/she obeys.

>>725135523
But the seller refuses to sell u anything

I Can make Money appear in Front Office me

>>725135523
But youre a dirty goddamn jew so nobody lets your in their store

>>725135572
Then you read this and your mother dies in her sleep every time.

>>725135523
But never the right currency

>>725135572
but in return they can do the same with you for everything you ask them to do

>>725135564
Some jew

>>725135622
I have immunity dog saved in my pc

>>725129614
I can overcome any limitation.

>>725135684
only once in a lifetime

The power to jump from roof to roof and get my friends free cable

>>725130005
only shout you learned is th nice weather one

>>725135720
But isn't that a limitation as well?

>>725130244
you're now an actual autistic sperglord

>>725135756
>>725135756
You only get channels in Ancient Sumerian that are about you dying in 7 days.

>>725135797
yes, and u can overcome it, but only once in a lifetime :P :P

I can get dubs whenever I post

>>725130822
you get teleported with them

>>725129614
Telekinesis

>>725135835
But all ur posts are deleted within seconds. and after 10 posts, u get banned permanently

>>725131172
you transfom into an imp the more you use it

>>725131250
that's pretty good

>>725131353
twat

>>725131362
tastes terrible

>>725135899
Heh you stole his dubs

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>>725131793

>>725135984
and mines aren't even deleted within seconds :P

>>725136008
Watch my dubs then fagget

>>725131731
can't win any goods with it

>>725135835
except they're singles

>>725136031
I am assuming u got dubs, but they were deleted.

can change the colour of everything i touch to whatever colour i want

>>725136099
Everyone giving his limitation is getting dubs :P

>>725136128
You nose turns the same color as the object.

>>725135833
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causal_loop

>>725130715
Cane rat

>>725132937
underrated post

I can erase my memory selectively of my own wish

>>725131506
lol'd

>>725136407
Is replaced with a worse version of said memory

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Ability to electrocute gays

>>725136538
only after letting them fuck u.

>>725136538
The more more you electrocute, the more attracted to the same sex you become

the ability to post cp without mods banning you

>>725136728
The cp is you at age 10

>>725136728
But u can never have internet connectivity ever.

>>725136728
Each time you post CP. It gets sent to the feds

Nobody can lie to me

>>725137108
Nobody can talk to you either.

>>725135564
They do. You basically bring them back just for them to die an even more brutal and painful death