I need help /b/ My parents went out for date night dinner and

fuck dude thats why butt plugs are flared. get your best friend to fist you and pull it out

Fucking LOL. You arent going to shit it out, unless you suck in a bunch of water.

Why does every 17 year old do this??

>>724732616
Eat exlax. Lots of it

time stamp or gtfo

>>724732616
pics of mom

no way it's coming out unless someone is willing to reach in there (exactly what they're going to do at the ER, which is where you SHOULD GO) they deal with shit like this constantly, you'll only be the funniest patient for about 4 hours before the guy with the tabasco bottle up his ass comes in
YOU'RE FUCKED in short

>>724732616
Use oil

Tell them or call the er you fucking idiot

Use oil. Lots of it. And squat. Dont sit. Push in pulses. Should work itself out. If not out after an hour. Go to er

next time use a condom around it, give the base some slack and wrap around some fingers and use to fuck youself (no pun) and it'll give you something easier to hold onto rather then a slippery circular base.

Fist yourself and pray

>>724732864

Surprisingly I'm a nurse in an ER and I've only seen 1 thing stuck in someones ass in the last 2 years. I usually see anal tears from gay dudes having sex..

I did however see recently a dead catfish stuck to the ass of some lady that sat on one after they caught it. The whiskers were lodged in her cheeks pretty good. Was def pretty funny.

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>>724732616
>its still on
If that's true, go to the ER. The motor in those things is air-cooled, and you could suffer burns to your intestine.

>>724732986
if it went in pointy end first like any sane person would do it then the flat end is against the inside of his asshole, it's never coming out, gotta reach in there and get it

>>724732616
Shove canola oil in there. Go to the bathtub and force it in, put your ass facing the heavens, and make a seal. You might not shit it out, and if you don't you're gonna have to get your hand partially in enough to pull it out

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>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

>>724733100
He's not a Catholic priest.

>Shoves a vibrator up my ass

> I can't have my parents find out and think I'm gay or something

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Successful bait is successful.

8/10 OP, you hooked some fags but it's a pretty generic story

Take a fishing hook and bend it straight. Tie a string to it. Stab it in. The flare on the hook should prevent it from pulling out of the dildo and give you sometging to yank on. Make sure to pull it really hard really fast or it will just be a tug of war with your asshole that you wont be able to win.

>>724733210
> gif.png

> and its still on


my sides.

>>724732616
you need to push it further in OP til it comes out your mouth, use a cucumber and push real hard. Good look anon

>>724733472
This, realistically, what could go wrong?

>>724733816
I mean you might accidentally stab your colon once or twice. But if you stop before the flared bit is in you can pull out and re aim. Itll bleed a little but it shouldnt hurt much

>>724733816
hook could rip anus

OP here. I'm going to the hospital. I just called 911 and they should be here in a few minutes

I couldnt get it out and I have to have this shit gone by the time my parents get home.

>>724734414
Lame. Send pic of asshole.

What a fucking retarded faggot hahahahahaha

Won't the authorities say something to your parents

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>>724732616
>this
Shit like this is why I still come here

>>724734742
Patient doctor confidentiality.

>>724733766
this

>>724732834
This. You must get ExLax from the store. Now. If someone mentions the vibrating sound at the store, just say it is your phone onvibrate, and you're ignoring it.

>>724734414
Why didn't you just drive yourself? That ambulance ain't cheap bro.

>>724732616

>Said no one ever.

>>724734862
You get baited easily

>>724732616
get on the toilet and push anon
a girl lost a piece of ginger up inside me, that's how I got it out.

>>724734414
Dude, you could have just walked in.

Enjoy the ambulance bill..

>fucking around in parents room
>Finds mom's vibrator
>Fuck yeah I want my mom's pussy juice in my ass
>Fire it up and insert the schlong
>Feels good man
>Ass sucks it up like a vacuum
>ohshitnigger.jpeg
>Wait an hour to see if it comes out
>Post on 4chan
>Get sarcastic assholes and dildo removal specialists replying
>911
Solid shit anon, sounds like you had a better night than me

This was in the news a while back. Somebody died cuz he was too embarrassed to go to doctor.

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motherfucker go to the ER.

If this isnt bait im just letting you know right now. if you dont and it goes further up they might have to do real surgery and the end result is you being hooked up to a colostomy bag maybe for months. so unless you wanna be a nigger with a bag full of shit inserted into ur side. GO TO THE ER

>>724734414
what story are you going to tell them? I mean, you can't just say you stuck it in there on your own.

>>724732616
>its still on. Its been in there for over an hour
accept your new reality faggot

ER MD here, that's manageable to pull out. We have all the tools, you won't need surgery

It was a million to one shot doc.

>>724732616
>and I found my mom's vibrator
Dad's vibrator
fify

Anyone knows of a program that disables all the tracking bullshit on windows 10?

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>>724732802
seems like something only a 17 year old would say... hm...........

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WHAT?!?!?! That's ur problem little faggot

>>724732616
Better get it out fast. Shit will get infected and give you instant cancer soon if you don't

>>724734742
IT ISN'T ILLEGAL TO PUT THINGS IN UR ASS YOU FUCKING 12 YEAR OLD.

who in the holy mother of fuck bothers to make a png out of a gif

>>724733115
Kekd pretty good thx anon

>>724735255
when you put it that way
top kek

>>724736381
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>>724735914
windows 9.5

It's unofficial, google it before you dismiss it as retarded.

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>>724732616
Cheerios, broccoli, prune juice, coffee, cigarettes, and pray to the poop god for a good outcome.

Try eating lots of fiber you horny motherfucker. Then lube up your asshole, and squat down, and DONT STOP PUSHING

>>724736691
Will look into it, thanks fam

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>>724736677
fucking overused rehashed shitposts like these make me wonder why I still come here

Since you're already on your way to the hospital, I guess there's no saving you. But the thread is right about two things. One: don't shove things in your ass if you can't get them back out. Two: you're definitely gay. Just admit it.

I wonder if op is male or female

lol