Hey /b/, I was recounting childhood memories when I remembered

I'm listening....

>>724520590
Moar i like where this is going

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Middle School: Jerardo Saga Part 2 Electric Boogaloo

>commence day 2
>mention Jerardo to one of my friends, and he tells me that he's one of those tards that for some reason isnt put with a tard wrangler or in a special education class
>mfw
>anyways, first 2 weeks of school go by, nothing very interesting
>first day of third week and we get our first assignment from the drama teacher
>she tells us that we have to film a commercial for a fake product and then upload it to youtube
>simple stuff really
>fast-forward 1 week, presentation day
>Jerardo asks to go first
>teacher unwittingly obliges and allows Jerardo access to the computer
>the kid didnt even save the link, he just wrote it on his hand
>sits at computer and painstakingly types out https://youtube.com/etcetcetc
>video loads and I shit you not, its the trailer for Amnesia: Machine for Pigs
>not a parody made by him, just the original trailer
>class and teacher are bewildered
>he goes on to explain that he's a professional game designer, and that this is his new creation
>teacher pretends to believe him to make him feel better
>minor but first real display of retardation from Jerardo, don't worry, all the spicy stuff will be coming soon

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>>724521993
OP more please.

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I'm listening

op plz post more

>>724520590

>I opt to pat him on the head instead

I'm not sure who's the retard in this story...

bump
ˇωˇ

Op have any pictures?

>>724520590
If this ends with a dinosaur please kys now

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Middle School: Jerardo Saga Part 3 Spicy Stuff

>we're going to have about a 3 month time skip right here
>Jerardo has formally established himself as the tard of the classroom
>attempts to be the class clown, but fails miserably
>enter drama class one day to notice that Jerardo is not there
>Jerardo comes into class 2 minutes late
>teacher excuses him cuz he's a tard
>I notice that he has his hand behind his back as if he's trying to hide something
>he's hiding it in a way that no one can see it, not even the teacher
>Jerardo walks up to the teacher, and asks if he can show the class something for show and tell
>teacher obliges, big mistake
>despite his fat swine physique,he proceeds to perform graceful ninja-like movements across the classroom so that everybody can continue not seeing the object he's hiding
>gets to the front of the class and says that he has something he wants to show us
>reveals object
>its a literal pile of shit
>not dog shit, or like fake play-doh shit, i mean real human feces in his hand
>whole class is in shock
>no one says a word for an entire minute
>the silence was broken however when one girl in the back started laughing
>this was not to Jerardo's liking
>in response to the laughter, he rears back his arm, and hurls the pile of shit straight at the girl's face
>imagine that the girl's face was a dartboard, and that her nose was the bullseye
>girl runs out of room crying
>security is called
>Jerardo somehow gets a pass and is STILL not placed with a tard wrangler
>lose faith in humanity

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>>724520590

How many parts are there gonna be

Amazing

>>724523825
Impressive. More OP

>>724523825
When do you jippa the dippa?

Put me in the screencap.

OP give proof this is real

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>>724524796
put my dick in the screen cap

>>724523825
>CRITICAL HIT

TLDR: OP was a giant retard and went around middle school calling himself jerardo and flinging shit at people.

ďěşű
όςό
ω

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Middle School: Jerardo Saga Part 4 The Last Supper

>another time skip, about a month or so
>at this point, the school is aware of Jerardo's shenanigans and are on high alert whenever he's around.
>lunch time
>I ended getting a schedule change, so I couldn't sit at my usual table with my usual friends
>opted to sit at a bench by myself
>having a grand time dining on my sandwich and browsing 4chan when I hear something
>I'm not sure if I heard it correctly so I listen
>........silence
>then, I hear it
>a snort
>I turn around to see Jerardo's massive swine stature looming over me
>am in shock but i recover quickly
>ask him what he needs, he asks if he could sit down and eat lunch with me
>mind is saying nope.jpg but morals are saying Ifeelkindofbadforhim.png
>big mistake morals
>move my bag to let him sit when I smell something ransid coming from his lunchbox
>am about to have a panic attack because I think its another pile of shit
>luckily however, its just a can
>I assume that its just a can of tuna due to the horrid scent emitting from it
>I couldn't have been more wrong
>Jerardo uses his swine strength to pry the can open
>he then turns around the can around so that I can see the label
>its literal dog food
>he pulls out a spork from the bowels of his undergarments and begins to eat it like ice cream
>nope.jpg
>I bolt the fuck out of there and report it to one of the gaurds
>they follow me to the scene of the crime only to find that Jerardo had left
>gone with the wind
>find out where Jerardo went in the next installment of Jerardo Saga

Stories like these are the reason I even know about 4Chan - please continue OP

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>>724525462
Why do I imagine the tard looking like this in these greentext stories?

I got a couple of stories from a tard in my school
>kid named isaac
>probably autistic
>group lets him sit with us for keks and pity
>Screams when upset
>sounds like a t-rex having a seizure
>very protective over his items
>take the piss by stealing his bag
>hear the almighty roar
ohfuck.mp3
>runs after friend who stole his bag
>screaming the whole time
>hands flailing behind his back
>knocks over a group of stacies
>everyone is following him at this point
>friend throws bag at a grade 7 who catches is
>beginning of the year
>they dont know who isaac is yet
>isaac jumps at him
>punches him square in the fucking face
whatthefuck.jpeg
>pushes him into a pile of sticks and shit
>stick gets stuck right into his hand
well that escalated quickly
>isaac runs away
>dont see him for the rest of the day
more?

>>724525865
Yes
This is now a Tard thread

>>724525865
cont pls

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Fun fact:
>They placed me in the special education class when I was in 3rd grade
>Even though I acted like a tard like the one's you read in 4chan stories (trying to be everyone's "Friend")
>I was actually quite smart, gifted if you will
>Even though these 4chan stories make me lose fate in the human species, a fucking tard could break the law and still get away with it

There was a tard at my hs who just walked around wearing headphones and pole danced the flag poles and shit like that

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Middle School: Jerardo Saga Part 5 A Nasty Discovery

>security guard and i set out to find Jerardo
>Jerardo is literally nowhere to be found
>not in the classrooms, the auditorium, the main office, the courtyard, the pe field, nothing
>staff starts getting worried
>we cant let a beast like him roam the halls when he is in a much dangerous state
>I get roped into all of this because I was the last one to see him
>we check the security cameras
>we then notice rustling in one of the janitor's closets
>this is odd as this specific closet had not been used in years
>we go to check it out
>bigmistake(4).jpg
>we open the door to see Jerardo
>what was Jerardo doing you might ask?
>well, he was sitting in a chair in the middle of the room masturbating his pig penis with a mixture of lotion and dog food
>most repulsive thing I had ever laid my eyes on
>gaurds spend an 10 minutes trying to pry Jerardo out of the closet
>success
>Jerardo's parents are called, and they FINALLY agree to put him in special needs classes and to give him a wrangler
>problem solved, or so you might think

>>724520590
include me in the screencap

>>724524996
post it and it'll go on /r/4chan with the rest of this retarded ride

>>724526412
>I was actually quite smart, gifted if you will
get off the internet tar tar

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>>724527549
But, I'm communicating to you though the power of the internet.....
Do you want me to reply or not?

>>724526412
can you tell us some stories but like from the tards point of view, no offence

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C'mon op, post. It's bed time.

>>724527860
Point of view?
I'm not writing you're story man

>>724527719
shouldn't you be shitting your pants or screeching for tendies?

cmon op hurry up

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Middle School: Jerardo Saga Part 6 The Return of a Menace

>about a 1 year time skip
>Jerardo was now with his fellow kind and most people just forgot about him
>he even seemed to be making progress too, as his grades were improving and he started making some friends
>that all changed however on one fateful day, when Jerardo reminded everyone of the hog monster that lied within him
>entered the school early one morning and went to the auditorium, since thats where you go to wait if you show up early
>pass by Jerardo and his tard squad and notice that Jerardo was playing some shitty GTA ripoff game in his phone
>pay no mind and just meet up with my friends
>I then remembered that I had to go to the library to turn a book in
>ask if i could go to a library and security oblige
>I was one of the lucky ones that survived that morning, and I am convinced that if i had stayed in that auditorium, i would not be the same person I am today
>the rest of this section will be retold from my friend Bella's point of view, as she witnessed the whole thing
>not just five minutes after I left, Jerardo rounded up his tard gang and they started screaming like lunatics from Mad Max
>they then proceed to do the unthinkable
>they start spitting all over the auditorium, and no one was save
>not students, teachers, guards, principals, not even their own wranglers
>its an all out saliva warzone
>students are hiding behind chairs and tables for protection, but it still didnt protect them from the wrath of the tards
>eventually one of the tards accidently spits at one of their fellow tards
>this tard starts crying and spitting back at the previous tard
>this conflict ends up dividing the tards into two section, and they start having a spitting war
>imagine the civil war but with tards and saliva instead
>the security finally manage to calm the tards down and sends them back to the tard building to watch a movie
>auditorium is closed for a whole week
>dodgedabullet.mp4

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>>724528241
Roasted me good

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>>724528241
trying to bait tards on the internet, kek

>>724525865
cont.
> Second Last day of Grade 11
>in math
>isaac is in biology saying goodbye to a leaving teacher
>get a text from friend saying isaac is away from his bag
>tell the teacher i'm leaving
>No fucks given second last day
>run to the next block of classrooms
>see isaac saying goodbye to teacher
>friend runs to grab his back
>isaacs ears prick up
>does a 180
>screams with the tier of a thousand suns
fuckingkek
>runs after friend
>friend throws me his back
fuckingyes
>run back to my class
>isaac follows me
>hide his bag under teachers desk
>isaac starts banging on the door
>teacher just looks at him
>starts walking over to open the door
>screaming and banging on the other side
Part:1
cont.

Anyone got some porb?

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>>724529003
my best porn for you my man

>>724529119
Thanks broski
Needed some new porb for my pet cot

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>>724529003

>>724528853
cont.
>teacher opens the door
>anon where the fuck is my bag
>voice cracks
>starts screaming
>teacher tells him to fuck off
>pushes the teacher out of his way
>jumps at me
>isaac is a manlet
>i'm 6'4
>gently brush him off
>tell him that faggy friend has it
>runs out the classroom
>lets out a screech
>runs to try kill friend
>little does he know his bag is under the desk
>teacher just looks around like what the fuck
>5 minutes later he starts pounding on the door again
>teacher tells him to fuck off
>stacy opens the door for him
>ANON WHERE IS MY BACK
>teacher is sick of his shit
>pushes him out the class
>he's not taking her shit
part 2
cont.

>middle school
>assignment is upload something to youtube

Op are you old enough to be here?

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>>724529266
Maybe Op is 12 years old
Like 80% of 4chan in 2017

>>724529266
>recounting childhood memories
That might give you a clue...

>>724529258
cont.
>same stacy that opened the door bitches out and tells him where his bag is
>runs to the table and pushes over the teacher
ohyoufuckedupisaac
>teacher tells him they're going to the principal
>drags isaac and his bag
>isaac starts screeching as she drags him
>twists her arm behind her back
>pushes her to the ground
>roars in victory
>runs away
>some chad runs after him
>picks him up and dumps him outside the principals office
>isaac doesnt care
>he has his bag
>he got suspended for one day since it was the second last day
>he came to school the next day though
>tfw his bag got stolen that day again

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my sisters a tard and i got a few stories who wants to hear em

Post em faggot

>>724529949
Post

>>724529949
Dunk them

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>>724529949
You don't need to ask for permission

>>724529949
Holy shit yes. These stories are fucking barrett.

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>>724529949
>be me
>be 5
>twin sisters are born one is normal the other is born with a crippling disease
>its called costello
>fast forward to when im 10
>sister goes to my school
>first day
>she gets an aid and has an ultimate shit flip
>she screamed and cried for what was probably an hour
>aids calm her down
>she throws a book at one of the aids
>aid is bleeding
>she gets driven home
end of part one
>cont?

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Middle School: Jerardo Saga Part 7 The Grand Conclusion

>major time skip
>about 4 years later
>I am now a sophomore in high school
>I've got a pretty good life, cool friends, good grades, video games, I even hooked up with Bella from the previous installment
>my friends and I have this thing we like to do every Saturday which is pretty much just a retro game night
>we all show up to my place and just spend time playing classic n64 and sega genesis games
>one saturday
>i'm in my room getting everything set up for the game night, when I hear a car pull up outside
>I open the front door to find two of my friends who carpooled here together
>they greet me, and walk inside
>as I am about to close the door I detect a sound
>at first I think I'm just imagining it but then I listen some more
>..........silence
>but then, the unthinkable
>a snort
>I fling my door open shut and look outside
>there, standing in the middle of my driveway, was Jerardo
>after all these years, I thought he had chased me down to get revenge on me or something
>I'm about to pass out when my friend comes out
>he says that he forgot to tell me that Jerardo was his cousin and that his mom wanted him to bring Jerardo along
>i go ghostly white at the thought of letting Jerardo into my house
>i contemplate just leaving him out in the cold, but he's already reached the door before i made my decision
>its settled, I have to have Jerardo in my house
>we all sit down on the couch and as my friend was speedrunning super mario 64, i took a second to actually notice Jerardo
>he still had the same filthy fingernails, and his hair was a bit shorter, but other than that, he hadnt looked like he aged a bit
>the controller eventually finds its way to his hands
>he loses fairly quickly and storms out of the house in a pig rage, flailing and squealing
>we expected him to come back, but he never did, he actually ended up walking all the way to his house by himself, and I never met with him again
>theend.jpg

>>724530434
More than that, but you may continue

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>>724530434
>part 2
>be me
>hanging with normal sister
>tard sister lets call her Z
>mom says i need to bring Z down to hang out
>ok sure why not
>i pick Z up
>slobber ALL over my neck
> she bites me in the neck
> i scream and drop her
>mom flips
>get grounded
>i hate my life

Fuck, I'm losing track of which tard is part of which story

>>724530561
Bitter sweet end, What a waste of 1 hour tho, but thanks

>>724530648
>part 3
>Z learned speech
>Z is in the pantry
>finds spinkles
>she THROWS the fucking sprinkles
>screams FUCKING SPRINKLES
>mom is bitch mode
>Z gets time out
>Z gets sprinkles again
>rinse and reapeat for the entire day
> i still live with the shit and i legit want to die

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>>724530561

>>724530801
I'm not.

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>>724530966
> i still live with the shit and i legit want to die
My life entirely, 4chan is the only reason to live even though everyone fights with you

>>724530561
Are you still with Bella?

>>724531135
I guess that makes us sort of warmongers, living off of fighting and shit.

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>>724531285
I consider us "Warriors" fighting trolls and autistic children

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>>724531459
i consider you a faggot

>>724531173
Kek no

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>>724531609
Why is faggot considered a insult?
Is being a homosexual a bad thing really?

>>724530561
Bravo, anon! That was a beautiful story of tardiness and I wish you had more or another one to tell

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>>724531750
im not calling you gay im calling you a bundle of sticks faggot

>>724531750
Newfag spotted

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Sorry if the end of the story wasnt up to par with the rest of it. Its my first time making a post like this and not all stories have climactic endies¯\_(ツ)_/¯

>>724531935
Newfag spotted

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>>724531750

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>>724520590
Include me in the screencap fucker

>>724523825
SHITALITY

>>724532072
NOW THATS A FAGGOT

>>724529630
MORE PLEASE

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>>724526412
>lose fate

>>724532035
newfag spotted

>>724523825
>>another time skip, about a month or so
wouldn't you have smelled the shit?

>>724531459
>I consider us "Warriors" fighting trolls and autistic children
"if you stare into into the abyss long enough, the abyss stares back at you"
>czech my trips

>>724532592
Is that gabe newell?

>>724532178
no nigger

Holy kek this thread.

>>724532900
I was had a nasty cold that day so I couldn't smell things very well. Not sure why the other students didn't detect anything. Jerardo could have drowned it in perfume or something since his mother was in that type of business. I don't know man.

I have a tard in my class if anyone wants to hear the shit he's done

>>724535186
please

i'll tell you about zombie tard I guess.
>be me
>first day of high school
>get blocked in hallway by retard
>hear a constant moaning
>wrangler trys to keep him moving
>still walking at about one mile per an hour
>has a gigantic bump on his forehead
>the bump looks extremely squalid it's extremely red and has skin constantly flaking off of it
>probably brain damage
>eventually get past
>skip to about 3 months or so
>everybody knows him as zombie tard
>"mostly harmless"
>taking chemistry test
>complete silence
>just hear moaning slowly getting louder and louder
>he looks into the class room still moaning
>people try to hold in laughter
>some kid plays the walking dead theme
>godfuckingdammit
>class bursts into laughter
>wrangler finds him and pulls him out
>kid gets iss
not much happens after, sorry it's not that good of a story. I have better tard stories (of different tards of course) but it would take forever to chronicle all of the events so I gave you one of the less active tards instead.

>>724535186
different guy
>>724535477

>>724535186
>This tard in my class lets call him Peeman
>Peeman is your usually nerd which tries to be cool but fails horribly
>Takes steroids to buff up
>Pretends to be Hulk and shit
>This other kid in my class lets call him Tyson
>He's a kickboxer
>Peeman always tries to annoy him
>One day Tyson had enough of Peeman's shit
>Comes at school with fucking ductape and proceeds to tape Peeman's backpack to a chair
>Peeman rages and unleashes a force capable of ripping into suns and gets his backpack back
>Holyshit.jpg
>Tyson is annoyed so next day proceeds to get a screwdriver and fucking screw Peeman's backpack into a chair
>Holy keks
>Peeman had enough and tries to beat Tyson
>Fails horribly and starts to cry
>Pussymode.jpg
>A colleague hands him a butterfly knife and he cuts his backpack
>Areyoudumbnigger.jpg
>Tyson had the screwdriver with him
Should I cont?

>>724536056
>Should I cont?
si

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>>724536056
Keep going anon

>>724536056
>Coupple of weeks go on with this autistic bastard being a shitgut
>Peeman starts to smoke to be cool
>His dad finds out and molests the shit out of him
>Bruh just stop why you doing this
>"Emotional scars"
>Weeks go by and Tyson still screws by time to time his backpack to chairs and stuff
>Peeman sti tries to be Hulk and shiet
>The end
Sorry kinda dissapointing ending but I gotta go