ITT we all work at Build A Bear

ANON GET YOUR DICK OUT OF THE STUFFING MACHINE

GET YOUR DICK OUT OF THE MAID OUTFITS

GET YOUR DICK OUT OF THAT SMALL CHILDS ASS

>>724243022
Guys what do I do with this 8 year old? She said her mom left her here about an hour ago.

You perverts are all fired. Send that 8 year old to my office I'll deal with her personally

Your a fag

GUYS! MY DICK IS STUCK IN THE MACHINE AGAIN!

Guys the manager just called in to see how we're doing and after I told him what happened I heard a gunshot, are we fired?

NO! YOUR JOB IS TO STUFF THE BEARS WITH COTTON, NOT STUFF CHILDREN WITH COTTON!

>>724243022
I used to work there myself, and can confirm that virtually every male employee has made a fuckable plush, at least at my store.

Who's dick did I just find in the stuffing machine?

>>724244686
That would be mine, sir. You can keep it I've got more

>>724244686

I lost my dick in there but that was last week! Looks like SOMEBODY didn't clean out the machine over the weekend, not to name names.... CARL!

>>724244686

Wait, what color is it? Might be mine.

This thread is why I love the chan fucking keks everywhere

ALRIGHT! EVERYBODY LISTEN!

Cleaning out the machines is a very important part of making sure everything runs smoothly. I know it's not the most popular job but if the rota says you're on severed dick duty, you've got to do it.

Carl is getting his first written warning over this but in future EVERYONE needs to start pulling their weight.

Just when i lost all hope for this place, a good thread like this came along. Brings me back to the good ol days. I can die happy now

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WHO THE FUCK LET AN ACTUAL GRIZZLY BEAR IN HERE

>>724244865

I think it's mine actually, yours doesn't have that horrible phimosis like mine does. Don't go claiming dicks that aren't yours man, not cool.

ANON THE HEARTS ARE NOT VIBRATORS SO STOP STUFFING THEM IN YOUR ASS

>>724245114

What? In the interview you said we were supposed to bring bears to life and make the kids smile. I spent all night reanimating this dead bear, I sold my soul to Satan and everything.

Is this going on my permanent record? :(

>>724245222

You idiot, you're supposed to put your dick in the machine, not a woman's mouth!

>>724245375

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT YOUR DICK IN THE MACHINES! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK LAST MONTH'S TRAINING SEMINAR WAS ABOUT?!

i had a case of the feels then saw this thread.
thanks /b/

>>724245114
>>724245310

Dude, can I stick my dick in your bear?

>>724245467
I thought it was about how we should objectify women from an earlier age

>>724245467
Was it not how to safely put your dick in the machine?

>>724245554

That was December! Are you telling me you didn't show up to the last PAID training event?

>>724245607

No. It was about the exact opposite of what you just said.

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Okay guys, you all know the rules. If anything is in the lost property box longer than a month, it gets thrown in the trash.

I CC'd everyone into the email, for the last time, does this belong to anybody?

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>>724245722
Listen man I've got the fucking poster and everything so don't even try to stop me from my work approved dicking

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>>724243022

>>724246180

I think it should have been clear it was a misprint, though I acknowledge the naked man could have been misleading.

Okay, FROM NOW ON, no more dicks in the machine!

>>724245114
I wana pet it :) can I?

>>724246548

WITH YOUR HANDS!

Guys, my dick is stuck in the machine. What should I do?

>>724246628
just go with it, man

>>724246628
Guys, my dick is stuck in this guy's ass. Wat do?

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>>724245848
Yeah, it's mine, though I only administer logs fresh from my ass so you can go ahead and toss it

Oh, and on my way in here I saw some dude fucking a grizzly bear. Not sure what that's about but you might want to come look.

>>724246529
It was a 4 hour seminar with multiple diagrams, and at several points involved me personally sticking my dick in the machine. I DICKTATED NOTES

>>724246776
Thrust deeper, then pull it out as much as you can. Repeat this process until ejaculation is achieved, the cream of sumyung-gai will lubricate your penis enough to escape the guy's butt so you can go get it stuck in the stuffing machine again

>>724247038
Thanks boss. That did the trick

hello I'm here to apply for the new position

>>724248226
Alright. All we have left unfortunately is the missionary position

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>>724244980
>the chan

ALRIGHT WHO'S THE JOKER THAT HAD LITTLE DICKS SEWN ONTO ALL THE WINDOW MODELS

>>724248649
Tucker did it

I got my dick stuck in the boss's ass, help!

>>724249139
Dont worry he's a massive faggot

>>724249482
Yeah, that's how he became the boss in the first place.
The build-a-bear franchise is a fagriarchy

>>724248880

FUCK YOU, MY DICKS ARE HUGE!

Why is someone fucking an ACTUAL REAL LIFE BEAR? Jesus Christ, John, there are CHILDREN watching. Un-resurrect that bear IMMEDIATELY!

>>724250214
In John's defense he can't get an erection unless children are watching

>>724243022
Ha joke's on you I worked at build a Bear in Alaska for like 2 years

Hi. Is this the Build A Dick workshop I saw advertised on TV?

>>724251124
Goddamnit look what you guys did now it's a thing

>>724251321

So I was thinking, is there any way you could stuff it extra to make it bigger? Some veins would be cool too.

Hello guys Its my first day at work what should I do?

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>>724251470
Sir- SIR PLEASE. Could you hold on a second I'm reprimanding my employees.

DAVE DROP YOUR TROUSERS AND GET ON YOUR KNEES DADDY IS VERY CROSS WITH YOU

>>724251639

If you're going to stick your dick in the bears, make sure to clean up afterwards.

>>724251726
With all due respect sir I dont do that

>>724251675

Excuse me? When I come to an artificial penis creation establishment I expect a certain level of dignity as a customer! Who is the manager here?!

>>724251854
I am sir but I've got my hands full of Dave's junk at the moment I'd be happy to forward you to one of our other local establishments

Guys...
Why do I hear screams in the basement?

>>724252095
You didn't hear screams in the basement.

>>724252169
Then what is it?

>>724252322
Nothing. You didn't hear a thing. Get back to work, help that nice man make a fake dong he's completely messing up the dong machine

>>724251926

Oh what, so now you're too good for my money?!

Sir, my child here wants a giant stuffed penis to play with and by gosh, we're not leaving until you give her one!

>>724252322

Sorry that was me, I was cleaning the backup bear machine and my dick got caught in one of the gears.

>>724252095
DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR! WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR!

>>724252583
Sir I have to ask you to keep your temper I'm dealing with a lot of new employees here and as you can see most of them haven't seen a penis since they hit 200lbs in their early teens

HELLO! Is this the place where I get to dick a bear? I see you have a wild, partially decomposed bear wandering about the shop floor and I was wondering, how much do you charge an hour?

GUYS I WAS ABOUT TO SEW THE BACK OF A STUFFED BEAR UP BUT I TRIPPED AND ACCIDENTALLY SEWED IT TO A SMALL BLACK CHILDS HEAD

>>724252827

So staff are more important than paying customers? That's it we're outta here!

Expect a terrible review on Yelp.

>>724252933

Gary, why'd you feel the need to mention her race? We've talked about this before.

>>724252971
John, grab that man. Here's the key to the basement

>>724253123

What are you doing?! AM I BEING DETAINED?! MY DAUGHTER NEEDS A MASSIVE DICK! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!

No, ma'am, we don't have Minions. Yes, ma'am, my manager will tell you the same thing.

>>724253056
SHE WONT LET ME GET IT OFF SHE RAN OUT OF THE STORE WITHOUT PAYING FOR IT

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Yo bro, I saw your sign outside and that beefy bearbro sparring (I thinkL with that dude in the corner.

How much for gym membership? I really need to build up my glutes know what I'm sayin'?

Guys... why are people screaming for help food and water in the basement?

Boss why can't we give >>724253263 the dick we found in the stuffing machine?

>>724253263
John, put his mouth over the stuffing machine and make him shut up.

>>724252933
Gary, grab the daughter. You get a fifteen minute break. You can use the storage room

>>724253431

WHAT THE HELL?!

WHERE was this level of forward thinking when we were discussing your promotion?! I think there's a bright future for you here, go get that dick.

>>724253562

Umm boss... the bear ate that dick...

>>724253426
You didn't hear screaming coming from the basement.

>>724253562
I got it, not sure if it's big enough

>>724253419

HOLY FUCK, A TALKING BEAR!

>>724253662
DAMNIT TERRY I TOLD YOU TO STOP DROPPING ACID BEFORE YOU COME IN

>>724253619
>>724253636

But if you've found the dick that was lost in the machine... who's dick is the zombie bear eating?!

Guys why is the storage room filled with vaseline and dragon dildos?

>>724253811
I think the better question is, why not?

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HNNG

Guys, can one of you spot me? Bear bro over there is too busy chewing a dick to help out

>>724253811
Who the fuck gave the new kid clearance to go into the storage room? WAS IT YOU, JOE?

WHO THE FUCK STUFFED THE BEAR WITH WEED?

Guyss
The zombie bear fell down the basement. There are less screams now
But why the fuck is someone wheezing in there!?

>>724253811

The dragon dildos were a mispick, got delivered by mistake. How difficult is it to spell BEAR on an order form? Jeez

>>724253937
You said it was better to stuff the bear with weed than with children's hands. So I stuffed the bear with weed.

>>724253895

I told you a hundred times, my name is JIM! I'm sick of this bullying in the workplace, I'm calling HR!

>>724253444
IM GONNA CUM IN THE STUFFED ANIMALS
THE LITTLE GIRL TOO BUT THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING

>>724253958
Alright that's it, if anyone else says he's hearing things coming from the basement, he's going in the basement. Final warning

>>724254058
Look, don't be mad John. I only remember Linda's from HR's name. She has some weird fetish and can't get off unless her name is being called repeatedly. I ended up just burning a CD and playing it on loop.
Women, am I right?

My dick got stuck in the door leading to the basement

>>724254250
MY NAME IS KAREN YOU DICK

>>724253868
Talking bear, can you tell zombie bear to leave. He's hogging the stuffing machine.

>>724254296
Then why did the CD say Linda? That's even kinkier.

>>724254296
Karen? Karen, right Karen? It's Karen, right?
Karen
Karen
Karen

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This is a health inspection!

I've had reports from an anonymous tipoff that there's a strange smell coming from the storage room. Who is the manager here?

>>724254398
Step into my office, sweety.

>>724254398
ABDUL

Okay this is fucking getting out of hand. We need to do something.

John, grab the gun from under my desk
Gary, tip the front desk and shove it in front of the entrance
Terry, distribute the rest of your LSD amongst the crew

>>724254398
Pff there's no weird smell, the children have only been dead for an hour

>>724254350

Oh what, so just because I'm a bear and that guy is a bear, we must all know eachother? Man, that is some racist BULLSHIT, I am out of here!

Y'all punk ass is lucky I don't maul you!

hello me are jamal, can i apply of job?

>>724254445

Why does your office smell like dick?

>>724254569
LOOK OUT HE'S GOT A GUN

Guys who has made this pentagram and why is he sacrificing children?

>>724254602
You mean why does my dick smell of office?

>>724254602
*locks door*
*unzips pants*
This is why

>>724254534
BUT IF I TIP THE DESK WHERE WILL WE KEEP THE POCKET PUSSIES

>>724254569

Boss is currently in his office, you'll have to come back later.

>>724254534
WHY ARE THE LIGHTS SCREAMING IN GERMAN? WHO SOLD THAT DRAGON A TUXEDO? AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY ARE MY FEET PENGUINS?

>>724254569
get the fuck out of here, juan.

>>724254677
Gary if you step into the circle one more time we're going to have to sacrifice you too.

>>724254801
SUCK MY TAINT

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Hmm. Sexually assaulting a professional in a below standard environment. Not good. Not good at all.

>>724254698
Damnit that's a good point. Maybe those dolphins know what to d- Oh shit Terry this is some effective shit

>>724254677

Team building exercise.

>>724254856
mY HANDS ARE CRYING
IM HORNY

>>724254835
Latter. Busy sacrificing children. We need 4 more 12 years olds before we can start the stuffed animal uprising

THE DISTRICT MANAGER IS COMING TAKE YOUR DICKS OUT OF THE MACHINE NOW!

>>724254991
Oh god. Mines stuck!!

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GrrrrrrHEY! WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE DRAGON DILDOS?!! THAT IS SOME SICK SHIT MAN AND THAT'S COMING FROM A ZOMBIFIED BEAR EATING A PENIS!

>>724254976
DID YOU CHECK THE BACK
I THOUGHT WE HAD AT LEAST TWO AND A HALF MORE

do they have to be girls
because the half one has both

Umm sir, I can't seem to get over how much the cats turn me on

>>724255076

Someone get this bear out of here! The district manager will flip their lid if they find it!

>>724255098
that's fine, but it only counts as a fourth

>>724254848
Below standard? Bitch, this is a great office. See my mini-bar? Check out this big screen tv with loads of porn. What about this awesome battlestation computer?

And you completely overlooked the rotating bed.

>>724255160
What if we kill it and put it in the stuffing machine?

>>724255185
sHIT
WHAT IF WE GOT TWO SIX YEAR OLDS

>>724255268
Hey guys, guys, check this, guys check this out
Let's stuff the bear
hang on
let's stuff the bear with
check this shit
we can stuff the bear with
bears!
like buildabear bears!

>>724255268
What if we stuffed the health inspector in the bear first

>>724255286
That might work. Couldn't hurt to try.

>>724255371
I'm currently stuffing the health inspector with my dick.

>>724255362
so if the bear takes them out
its like
a boy bear
but having baby bears
dude

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>>724255200
>rotating bed
Oh behave.

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>>724255200

Okay I think I'm done here. This isn't the first time I've been raped on the job and it certainly isn't enough to distract me from the fact your place of business is dangerously below minimum health requirements set by the Build A Bear franchise owners.

Now kindly unlock this door, I have to be in Edmonton by this afternoon and my flight leaves in an hour.

>>724255362
Sounds like a plan, stan

>>724255371
stuff the health inspector with dragon dildos, and then stuff the bear with her. All problems solved.

>>724255469
lETS STUFF THE BEAR WITH HER

Guys why are there children wearing fleshy bear masks walking around marching singing in demon voices?

>>724255449
You show initiative. I like that. You get a promotion

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>>724255268

GrrrBITCH WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!!

>>724255457
:)

>>724255469
Lady you're not leaving here alive.
This is build-a-bear, bitch

>>724255586
Hey but I have seniority over that guy

>>724255579
oh those are our slaves dont mind them

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>>724255538

Excuse me you'll do no such thing!

>>724255469
So...what if we all rape you at once? Would that be enough of a distraction?

Jake, get the chloroform.

>>724255044
WE HAVE TO CUT OFF. TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM JOHNY

>>724255754
Grab the bitch!!! You there, steve, get her top half, I'll get the bottom!

>>724255754
How else are you going to inspect the zombie bear?

>>724255839
ON IT!

>>724255788
Too late, I think she already saw it

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Hey look, I know we didn't exactly leave things on good terms, I just wanted to come back to apologise for my behaviour.

I completely overreacted and HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT WOMAN?!

>>724255983
Quick, hold open the bears asshole!

Is muscle bear the district manager?

>>724255983
dude, are you like a giganigga or some shit?

>>724256104
>>724256187

MY ANUS WILL NOT BE BREECHED!!!

OMG OMG GUYS!!!
HITLER IS IN THE STORE!!!
OMG OMG OMFG

>>724256333
well then you can breach my anus. deal?

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*ring ring*

>>724256333
AAHH JESUS HIS SPHINCTER IS CRUSHING MY HAND WHAT THE SHIT

>>724256477
Hello, build-a-bear workshop. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. How can I help you?

>>724256477
Hello, this is Gates Of Hell, how may I help you?

Guys, I just read that there's a brony meetup here and I can already feel the thundering of their 300lb asses jiggling on scooters. Let's put all the pony toys and accessories high up so that these fat fucks can get some exercise.

>>724256333
Not muscle bear's anus, the zombie bears anus.

>>724256629

Hello, this is the local police department. I'm calling to let you know that there is a man currently dressed up as hitler going around stealing severed penises. I know this sounds strange but please, get in touch if you see anything suspicious.

>>724256881
We're not allowed to accept bronies anymore.
Not since the accident

>>724256477

Gender reassignment clinic, what are your pronouns?

>>724256881
You think if we tell them the dragon dildos are horse dildos they'll buy them?

>>724256477
Concentration camp in disguise of a,bear factory how may I gas your jew?

>>724256952
Sir, you'll have to believe me when I say that is by far the least strange thing I've heard all day.
But thanks for the heads up

>>724256952
No!!! Not my severed penis! I can't get it out of the machine!!

>>724256477
Build a Bear moratorium, you stab 'em, we slab 'em. How may I direct your call?

>>724256969
This must've been before I joined the build a bear team, please brief me on this matter.

>>724256636
>>724256973

Misuse of the company phoneline is a serious breech of our code of conduct. You two are both FIRED! Gather your things from your lockers and I will escort you off the premises as soon as I have finished defiling this woman's corpse.

>>724257167
I'm sorry but we don't talk about the great ree of '03.
Just keep those jiggling bastards out of here.
I'm reassigning you to guard duty

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So are we just ignoring the fact a man dressed as Hitler is currently in the basement stealing all the dicks?

>>724257466
That's cool. The basement is one-way anyways, once you get in you can't get out

>>724257466
Just lock the basement

>>724256477
Build a bear crematorium, you kill 'em we grill 'em, how may I direct your call?

>>724257277
I'll do my best

>>724257587
And then gas him

>>724257827
And then rape his lifeless body

>>724257827
or we can make him fight the zombie bear, film it, and then sell the video.

>>724257199

If I'm fired, so is this whole place.

*Throws a lit match in the stuffing machine*

>>724258243
NO! LUCY!

>>724258243
Hey that FUCKED my dick is still in there

Guys there are ultra orthodox jews yelling at us and pushing our employees.

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Well. It's been great working with you guys. I had this place rigged with explosives in case anything goes sour so if it's going up in flames this whole city block is pretty much done for

>>724258553
I'm sorry guys, I tried to keep them out, but I was so overwhelmed with the bronies. Time to let Hitler loose!

>>724258620
Well at least the explosion will take out the bronies.

>>724258690
I think our zombie bear ate Hitler but he might have gained his jewkilling powers in the process.
That's a thing right?

>>724258620
Quick, we have to unite and put out the fire with our piss and semen!

>>724258760
Only one way to find out. RELEASE THE ZOMBIE BEAR!!!

>strips
>carves build-a-bear logo into chest
>rub ash of stuffing machine into cut
>arms outstretched
>head raised to up
>scream
BUILD-A-BEAR FOREVER!

>>724258801
Damnit who the fuck are you?
Do you even work here?

Guys there are muslims coming in begging us to free their children.

Guys the fuck have you done!?

>>724258911
There aren't any children tied up in the basement.

>>724258955
Don't tell him about the sub basement or the false wall.

>>724258901
Yeah and I should get employee of the month, because I'm he only one coming up with ideas to stop the store from exploding

>>724258955
Oy mates I just finished collecting children for ya they are in the truck

>>724259066
Perfect lets smother the fire with them.

>>724259066
HAH HAH HAH! Oh Dave you knucklehead.
He meant teddybears ofcourse. You jokester.
ᴴᵉʳᵉ'ˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᵏᵉʸ ˢᵗʳᶦᵖ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵈᵒʷᶰ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵗᶦᵉ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵘᵖ

>>724259265
Oy mate thats fuckin somethin
Can I also have a 30 minute break with em?

>>724259360
I'm not your boss you aussie twat you work for the delivery company how stoned are you

>>724259265
Hey Dave I'll help you out with those teddy bears ;D I'll be sure at least three of them are stuffed by the end of the day

>>724259468
Oy mate imma go get busy with the kids-
Eh I mean teddybears hihihi
I be back in a half hour.

>>724259629
Oy mate lets get it going then time is money chop chop we got teddies to fill

OKAY SO I CAUGHT THE BLACK GIRL BUT I ACCIDENTALLY PUT MY DICK IN HER BUTT IS THIS A PROBLEM

>>724260322
Nah that's pretty much company policy

okay good because its still in and shes struggling help

Everyone's dead. Time to play with some dead penises.

>>724261244
If you even so much as dare I will haunt your penis for the rest of your life

>>724261396
Try me, Marty.

>>724261490
Ohhhhhhh. i'm a spoopy spenis