What's the strangest/most perverted place you've jerked off?

>>724058965
A wedding.

>>724058965
In a box truck while hauling liquor down an interstate. Duty called.

>>724058965
in class in HS....
>>724058965
on skype with unawares girls...
one time I jo'd in a girls closet (the bathroom was through the closet so that was my excuse) while i was sniffing her dirty panties.... she literally opened the closet door as I was cumming.... uhh... i gotta have some other good ones.
in my car driving cross country.

>>724059262
oooh, in a public pool.
at work.
in my roommates bed while she's gone.
man I'm a deviant lol.

>>724058965
my body was against the wall of the pool, so nobody could see down there. jerked off while making eye contact and holding a conversation with my sister

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>>724058965
my mothers sleeping nostril.

>>724058965
My son's second grade class

All-terrain transport vehicle while in the army.

Consensual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

>>724058965
I've only jerked off my penis.

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>>724059623
Hahahaha

Laying down on top of an old spanish fort. It was night and i went streaking down the hill afterwards

>>724058965
Tripping balls on LSD. 0300 in the morning, laying on a sidewalk on State St. in Ann Arbor, MI
Not sure what came over me.

>>724059737
U monster

>>724059875
You did

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on the train but no one was in the cart or the next.

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Into a paramedic's pussy on the bumper of an ambulance at 9pm on a Wednesday, for the sole purpose of procreation.

>>724059955
Kek

In my sisters bed, wearing her lingerie, with her dildo up my ass and her vibrator on the head of my dick. Then I flipped my legs over and came on my face. Then I fucked my self in the ass with her dildo for 20 minutes and blew my second load on my stomach.

>>724058965
At a friend's house, in a storage space under the stairs. The kind where the door is just a panel you have to remove, I put the panel back in behind me and it was very cosy. Fapped into a condom, while thinking about the friend's sister of course

>>724060165
thats pretty gud

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>>724059955

>>724058965
In my case, it's much simpler to ask: 'Where have you NOT jerked off?".

>>724058965
church confessional

>>724060374
jerking off the priest doesn't count

>>724058965
Train toilet
Airplane toilet (not exactly the mile high experience but it was at least 500 yrds)
Hotel room parents sleeping in the double bed next to mine

>in my fellow females' coworkers Chinese food
>next to a hot classmate under our joined chemistry desk
>on a friends basement window when she was putting on sunscreen for her tanning bed
>in my coworkers lotion bottle after she left for the day while sitting naked in her office seat
>in a unisex bathroom's soap dispenser at starbucks

on my sisters bed whilst using her rampant rabbit wearing her stockings

>>724060581
who died and made you the decider of what counts?

>>724060694
Jesus

On a train in Germany, in the toilet.

>be me 14
>camping trip with grandparents and cousin
>camper trailer, just after sun down
>all of us laying down to sleep, lights out
>no release in at least 2 days cause too much family around
>see grandma up in the dark
>steelboner.gif
>get crazy idea she's watching me
>pull down covers
>down go shorts, up goes the mast
>slow stroking it, watching grandma
>feel like a god stroking it slow long and hard for grandma until I'm shooting ropes

I have no idea if she was watching or not, but she didn't say anything.

>next day act like nothing happened

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>>724059623

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in room mate's bed wearing her panties, stockings, and a bra

pic related

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>>724060374

>>724061129
That's rape.

Not gay, but... I was just taking my normal afternoon poo at work and I heard the unmistakeable sound of fapping in the stall right next to me. Shadow movement confirmed. For some reason, it got me rock hard. Started working my own shaft. Dude next to me was not quiet. Used spit to live it up. As he came, I was unable to hold myself back. Blew my load abd immediately felt disgusted with myself. Tru story

<in your mom

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>>724060581

Jerked off at work once when I was a life guard.

>The men's shower was the only one with hot water
>2 female co workers rinsing off in shower while I "piss" in urinal.
>half wall separates me from them but I am staring directly at them
>they think I'm pissing while talking
>I'm cumming while staring directly at them and in conversation

>>724058965
In a moon bounce that my mom rented for my sister's birthday

In class in school. It's difficult but worth it.

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the white house lol

>Hotel bathroom
>the woods
>bathrooms everwhere
>health clinic bathroom
> while wearing cousins clothing
>Other times I forget

>>724058965
In my god mothers panties

>>724061238
>Not gay, but...

kektastrophe must ensue anytime anon says that.

>>724061463
Did you have the hots for your god mother? My god mother is big fat lady, so no.

>>724058965
>be young me on vacation with parents
>at age of at least 2 fapps a day going on 1 1/5 weeks of no release
>roadside stop with large map of local sites m/p wants to check it out
>Walk into woods for a piss I say
>starts tugging as soon I get my cock out
>large piles of shits and tp poop-mines everywere I discover
>geting close and shoots load that lands on a 2'x3" loaf of shit

Not my proudest moment

>>724059623
greentext

>>724061870
this is me: >>724060984

Vacations with family can be hard times with little privacy

>>724061841
She was thin actually. She annoyed me but I always got this weird vibe from her. She was a little too friendly to me as a young boy sometimes. The taboo seemed hot as fuck to me moreso than her actual looks.

So I got her panties, laid them out on her marital bed, and humped the shit out of them naked until I came.

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Blue lagoon, Iceland

>feeling good wading around
>too many girls walking around in thongs- starts getting me horny
>notice the water is completely opaque. No way anyone can see below the surface
>casually whip out my dick
>stroll around with a full hardon
>there's a station to get free mud masks and it was very crowded. "Accidentally" pressed my bare Rick against some hotties
>needed a release and I spotted 2 girls. Smoking hot, about 12 or 13. They were speaking French
>followed them around until they sat down in little separate seating area
>sat down right next to them and cranked it out, staring all the way
>pretty sure they knew
>win!

>>724058965
Snuck into a girls room and masturbated into her running shoes. Basically fucked the shoe

>>724058965
Right behind my mother's back

>>724062112
>Smoking hot, about 12 or 13.

Smoking hot, about 12 or 13.
Smoking hot, about 12 or 13.
Smoking hot, about 12 or 13.
Smoking hot, about 12 or 13.
Smoking hot, about 12 or 13.

dude

>>724060165
did she not wake up?

>>724060879
>Jesus
Obviously is obvious

>>724062292
Did you want her to turn around and see?

>>724062267
Kek

My school bathroom

My mom called my doctor and said to him "What's the most accurate measurement for weighing?"
The doctor said "An underwater weighing test"
And just like that, my mom said "Yes. When can my son and my daughter can take it?" and the doc said "Today at 2pm."

So, I didn't bother taking a shower and so did my sister too, so I had to get into a special swimming suit(tight pants...Ugh).

My sister said "Can I pull my hair down to a ponytail?" The doctor said "No."
So my sister with her long, blonde hair went underwater with 8 seconds and had she must enjoyed it..but I didn't.

>>724062299
Moralfag

>>724062299
Fuck off.

>>724062569
Wtf r you talking about

Make sense

>>724062569
Wat

>>724061238
Nope pretty sure you're gay.

>>724062707
What is it that doesn't make sense?

My mom wanted to do something instead of weighing myself on a scale. She heard about a underwater weighing test from my doctor last year and she wanted to give it a try to both, myself and my sister.

>>724062765
How the fuck does that relate to jacking off in weird places?

>>724062569
Why did she need to weigh you so fuckin accurately? Are you a fat fuck?

>>724058965
On a school bus in middle school to a sleeping girl on the seat in front of me. We were the last two to get off.

Back seat of a greyhound bus, into the urinal of my college library, into my step-mom's rice container, driving a car on I-5 in central California

>>724062877
No, I am not obese. The same goes for my sister. She is not obese.

>>724062855
newfag

Swagger P
https://youtu.be/7KXcnbmmTXM

>>724062855
You want a detailed summary of what happened? Alright, here goes:

My mom wanted to do something instead of weighing myself on a scale. She heard about a underwater weighing test from my doctor last year and she wanted to give it a try to both, myself and my sister.

She called the doctor and wanted to schedule an appointment for my sister and I and today was the only day they could get us in. So my mom told both of us you don't need to take a shower if you don't want to(since I got up at 12pm and she got up at 12:30p.m.)

It goes on from there with the underwater weighing at the doctor's office.

>>724062892
funny

>>724062892
but you got off before her i bet

had to share a cabin on a cruise with my sister on a family trip. Jerked off every night.

In San Antonio, TX at USAF basic training right when the clock struck midnight on New Years Eve

In my car at abunch of starbucks parking lots. One time in class teacher caught me. In my sleeping nieces face.

>>724063046
My sister had to wear pants and a bra, so she enjoyed minutes of going underwater.

I didn't take a shower and she didn't too.

Before she got into the tank, you see girls 'pretend' to pull their hair into ponytails, but they don't. That's what she did.

while driving on the freeway...

>>724063175
I love this story. This man is a profound autist

>>724063046
>>724063175

So, you jerked off on your mom and sister? cool story bro

My friends mom's bed with her panties

>>724063175
My sister constantly talks about her hair. "Should I wash it?" "Should I pull my hair up or leave it down?" Stuff like that.

It wasn't my idea to take this underwater weighing thing. The doctor puts you in a tank (and I didn't have a shower), makes you do certain things of breathing, and you put your head underwater for a few seconds. Not hard at all.

>>724063107
How did you not get caught?

>>724063299
After you shot your jizz in your sister's hair, did she shower then?

At work. To sweet_ary on chatturbate. I was doing some training in our small conference room and everyone was told not to bother me. I jerked off and fell asleep. Boss walked in and woke me up, was initially kind of ticked that I was sleeping, but told her I would pass the cert test (and I did) so she wasn't really mad. Was awkward talking to her with stiff underoos, though.

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I used to be in the navy, I was on a submarine. Usually on the midwatch, most people are asleep and there's no evolutions or training or anything going on.

Part of my job was working with the ships battery; it's in a separate sealed off compartment that people aren't allowed in because it's a fucking battery that you're crawling over top of that is powerful enough to run a submarine, you fuck up and you turn to dust.

Well, when I'd be down there on the midwatch checking gravities and whatever, I'd rub one out. But, I would do it after I had been working and had some of the battery shit on my hands, it would make my dick burn. But I liked it.

>>724063261
I have a life on an off day from school. I didn't expect to go to my doctor's office and take an underwater weighing test. That said with my sister. So I was mad at my mother and I wasn't going to take a shower if she said I had to but she let me skip the shower. Anyways I wasn't thinking well and was saving time (saving time by not taking a shower too) so I posted the topic title that I thought of because I was mad.

More about the hair:

She skipped the shower around noon. As said same goes with me. Then we took the underwater tests. My sister had to wear tight pants and a sports bra, so she enjoyed every minute of going underwater. Before that she tried to put her hair up but she wasn't allowed to. The doctor said no. So she did to her hair like what I see when I go down to the YMCA and see where girls pretend to pull their hair back.

More about my sister:

My sister was in tight clothing due to the test. My sister was wet just like me because the test was in a tank of water.

I've always wanted to sneak into the womens restroom and jerk off. Anyone know any tips on how to do so?

>>724058965
in the back seat of a car with my family in the front while watching dogma on a laptop

>>724063152
What happened with the teacher ?

>>724063424
I am a clean person, same goes for my sister. And I don't smell bad, same goes for my sister.

>>724058965
at a campground, with the forest animals watching

>>724063437
Fucking nukes. lol.

>>724063262
Been there and done that plenty of times

>>724063532
>>724063424
>I am a clean person, same goes for my sister.

So, you shot clean jizz into your sister's clean hair? I'm not completely understanding.

>>724063261
>>23

I don't feel attracted towards any of my family members.

About the water:

The water is located in a room that is different than the office. It is in a different location. My sister had to wear tight pants and a sports bra in a different room than the doctors office. My sister had to wear tight pants and a sports bra in the room with the water.

Our van had a dropped down trunk in the back so if I sat back there no one could see me front the other seats. Well one night we were driving back home from a couple states away from vacation. I hadn't had almost any chance to jack off all week and at 13 I was dying. So everyone in the car was asleep except my stepdad who was driving. I crawled into the back saying it was so I'd have more room to sleep and jacked off.

>>724058965
My friend's house

>>724059392
woah...

>>724063660
He is autistic stop replying and he'll go away

>>724063689
>I don't feel attracted towards any of my family members.

Now, you're just making things up and trying to save face

>>724063074
Lmao that's pretty good

>>724063660
I am 16 and my sister is 17

B
Before my sister and I got into the tank, the doctor did a basic weight test then I got into the tank and did some breathing excerises to see how my lungs would be situated underwater. Then the doctor took the temperature of the water inside the tank. After I completed my underwater tests which were underwater, I had to stick my head underwater for 8 seconds and it was done. 30 minutes its all it take.

This process then goes repeated for my sister.

The reason I am mad is because I have a life on an off day from school. I didn't expect to go to my doctor's office and take an underwater weighing test.I was happy with the off day from school and I got a off shower day too. Then we had to get tested underwater.

>>724063622
Best fap ever other than using my nieces thong in her room

>>724062267
Tried to clean it out after, but pretty sure i still left the inside wet. It was hot knowing she was still using them after that

>>724058965
in school, in front of a teacher, under the desk
I was around 13-14 at the time. Whipped my dick out and nobody knew shit, there was like 3 people sitting around me that could've seen me doing it, didn't even think about it then. Shit was cash tho

>>724063474
So you showered but she didn't? And she put her hair in a ponytail.

In the car driving home from work. Anytime another car would pass me going forward or back i would stick my dick up and make my jerking visible.

>>724063788
I don't think you people are understading, so i will explain again:

I have a life on an off day from school. I didn't expect to go to my doctor's office and take an underwater weighing test.I was happy with the off day from school and I got a off shower day too. Then we had to get tested underwater.

My sister had to wear tight pants and a sports bra. I had to ware tight clothing as well.

My sister enjoyed the tight clothing. I would have enjoyed the tight clothing but however I was angery due to the test so I did not enjoy so.

My house contains a kitchen , two bathrooms, a living room, a dining room, three bedrooms and a basement. Like I said I got up at noon did not take the shower.

My sister also did not take a shower before taking the underwater test that got us wet.

in class peeping on classmates giant teen tits

>>724063901
Post pic of sisters panty drawer

>>724063875
I did this every day for 3 fucking years. How I got caught I have no idea... usually would just nut in my pants but a few times, I blew it on the underside of the desk.

>>724059875
I guess you could say you were working on your 'night moves'.

>>724063816
Nice. Panty jerking is the best. Ive used 2 of my cousins, my step sisters, my sisters friends (at a sleepover), and my friends moms

>>724063897
No. You have to remember off shower day is a day when i don't have to take a shower. On non off shower days my mother makes me take a shower.

I thought you would like to know what rooms were contained in my house.

I didn't shower because my mom gave me an off shower day. same goes for my sister.

I don't see why you would need photos of my sister.

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>>724063767
I stopped. Someone else picked up where I left off.

>>724060984
seconded

this for me too... only I didn't fap to anybody in the room

>>724063985
Friends mom, friends girlfriend,niece, friends yoga panties I wear and fap in

>>724063901
>>724063689
>>724063046

Post a picture of your sister, or it never happened

>>724063981
>night moves
I see what you did there

I cannot believe your mom stooped so low

>>724064011
I dont need photos of you sister. Did you enjoy the tight clothing? Also was the water in the same room as the office?

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>>724058965
A mosque

>>724059875
i live in michigan, we should be friends.

>>724064011
>I don't see why you would need photos of my sister.

Without pictures of your sister, it's all just stories. Need to see her pony tail and whatever else you have.

>>724064234
Yes, we need a picture of his sister. it will help clarify a lot of what he's talking about with the pony tail and all.

>>724064011
7/10. Don't come on so strong though. Almost had me.

In my parents bed, in-between them when I was like 6

>>724058965
On a bus while looking at a girl I thought was hot.
Also used to jerk off in the school toilets while watching the girls that hung around that area at recess and lunch.

>>724064364
Did you holler "god is great" as you finished thinking of Muhammad butt fucking Aisha?

>>724064407
>we should be friends
C'mon over to my house
I'll let you fuck my sister

>>724058965
all kinds of bathrooms, playgrounds, stores, peoples gardens. I sometimes hump peoples lawn at night, when theyre inside. Thats a big turn on for me. When iknow theyre watching tv or getting ready to go to bed, and im in their garden, fucking their lawn

>>724058965
On the side of the 152 late on a Friday night in the middle of a huge traffic jam as traffic inched past due to a raging wildfire raging a mile and a half away. In retrospect it was pretty fucking surreal

>>724064588
Were they asleep? did you touch your mom's cock while you were stroking?

>>724060333
Yup same here.

I jerk off literally everywhere I even went in the women's shower at a gym and jerked off while there were women in there. In changing rooms all over the country other peoples houses restaurants department stores hotel hallways pretty much everywhere. in a book store while looking at a photography book when I was 13 this was probably the first real exhibitionism experience for me. I nearly every day pull my cock out in the car on the way to and from work and stroke it usually don't cum tho. I used to get off on getting caught but I don't really care or want to get caught anymore. I have never been to jail for my crimes though. once a woman who caught me really enjoyed what she saw and sucked me off that was the best one ever.

>>724059748
Underrated

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>>724064173
As I said before I don't feel attracted towards my family members.

I crop face out.

>>724060676
>in my fellow females' coworkers Chinese food
>next to a hot classmate under our joined chemistry desk
>in my coworkers lotion bottle after she left for the day while sitting naked in her office seat
Did anyone notice/say anything?

>>724064778
How did you not get caught in the womens shower at the gym? Did you solid snake that shit?

At party everyone leaves but friends. hot friend sleeping on couch no blanket just shirt and panties. Fap over her pre cum on her lips and ass cheeks

>>724058965
In the bushes of a local park. I was drunk walking from work and thought, Ive already taken a shit here, why not?

>>724064741
>in the middle of a huge traffic jam as traffic inched past due to a raging wildfire raging a mile and a half away.

Not a lot hotter than a goddamned forest fire to make a man feel the need to cum.

>>724064565

I think I have explained everything already.

You know if you've ever seen girls that grab their hair and they look like they are going to pull their hair up, but don't. That's what my sister did. The same way the girls I see at the YMCA.

My sister had to wear tight pants and a sports bra, so she enjoyed every minute of going underwater.

Seriously, what do you want to know?

This one time I was at bandcamp and I jizzed inside this girls trombone. Next day she had to play that thing. Good times.

>>724064933
>can't tell you cropped out her face, as it's not obvious
She seems nice enough. Do you have more pictures?

>>724065111
Stop the autism

>>724058965
school

>>724062569
Old copypasta always makes me laugh

>>724065111
Start from the beginning. Like, with pictures, and start as to why you are at the doctors office pulling back his hair into a ponytail.

>>724064955
I just went in it wasn't that hard to do there were only a few women in there and the showers had curtains so once I was in the shower I didn't have to worry about getting caught. It was a fucking thrill tho.

>>724064947
the girl I worked with eventually got a key to her office and locked up every night. She said she noticed some weird thing happening. Probably because her lotion wasn't the first or last thing I came on or in around her office. Oh, and I saw her using her lotion after she got the key, so she did knoe exactly what was going on

Girl here, dunno if that counts. But I jilled myself silly in the principles office as he gave me a tongue lashing (yelling at me, not going down). It was hot.

>>724065318
>Old copypasta

Was it short lived copypasta?
I don't remember this one.

I just jerked off while eating dinner across from my retarded aunt

>>724058965
In class during seventh grade finals
On the school bus
In the public library out in the open

>>724058965
In a chemical closet in St. Peter's Square.

>>724065487
I'd let you Jilloff in front of me anytime any place literally.

>>724064173
Ive seen this many times, it didnt happen, literally so lazy this is word for word

Used to jerk off in my cousins bed while wearing her bras and undies. She's fucking hot and her room smells nice.

>>724061424
>Hotel bathroom

Fucking savage

>>724065487
pic of tits with time stamp will put a lot more into perspective, and determine whether or no you're really a girl.

>>724065487
Tits or gtfo

>>724058965
My friends sisters bedroom while wearing her underwear

Rode a van to and from school because school was in different city. Sat in back girl lays down in seat in front of me. Whale tail couldn't contain it fapped and blew a load into my sock

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>>724065625

>>724065725
Done it. Diamonds

In a work bathroom stall. I was working all day while the fappening went down and got a good chunk of the updates on my mobile. What had to be done had to be done.

>>724065561
then she went under the table and wrapped her wrinkly crumpet cut sponge lips around my shaft and gave me a good rhythm. I couldn't come though, because she squeezed my balls as tight as a lizard hanging on for dear life.

>>724060310
>eagle

>>724058965
first time was a church when young

2nd at a science teachers house

>>724064933
Hey Anon, her face is missing. Do you have another picture of her, this time with her face?

How can we know it's your sister, if we don't see her face?

well i started in a high school football games

>>724058965
Church bathroom.

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>>724065858
>wrinkly crumpet cut sponge lips

9th grade math class got away with it too

I put a sharpie in my pooper during a lecture on Freud. Maybe the lecturer had a point.

>>724059875
Where on state st? S. University? E. Eisenhower? Makes a big difference.

>>724065473
What about the Chinese food one

>>724060647
what happens at a mile high

>>724065805
Never knew panties felt so good.

I cum the legs of my GF when she sleeps

>>724065025
Do you live in India?

>>724058965
in class

I am an elementary school teacher

>>724067609
You win

>>724062569
This copy pasta is literally older than the average /b/ and /pol/ poster

>>724065858
I fucking wish nigger

underneath my friend's bare feet

>next to my passed out friend

>>724067801
I can story time ?

>>724059694 tell more

Behind my couch while my 12 year old neighbor was watching tv sitting on my couch in my apartment.

>>724068526
I'll pass.

>>724060102 no way, m8. for real?

I was hunting and I was sitting in this blind I made .I had been there for a couple hours and had phone reception

>>724058965

backroom of walmart with two opening doors in front of me with a window in each. jacked off to two women with tight clothing about 5 feet from them.

while scuba diving and the fish munched it as I kekd as the clouds of goo blew out their gills

>>724062112 wow, what a cunt.

>Masturbation
A while back in my parents old home we had a bathroom with a big window facing some hills, our closest neighbor was over a mile away. One of my aunts was going to visit and I remember as a young kid she had some huge boobs. She's those slender but sexy cougar types, she was probably about a D-DD and she always got me horny. I superglued the curtain so she couldn't cover and I hid behind some bushes and jerked it to her. I came twice and can remember clearly her sweet ass body. This was the days before smartphone cameras so no pics

>sex
Best purchase I ever made was a 90's GMC van with one window. In college I bought some curtains and a mattress in the back. In between classes I used it for naps but as I got girls I'd fuck in it all the time. Craziest place was literally in front of a police station. Girl dared me to fuck her somewhere sketchy, she thought I'd take her to a ghetto or something but as soon as I pulled over and saw where she was she got super horny. It was so crazy because this place always tested their sirens before leaving so I'd always think a cop knew.

Pet class while doing activities. One of them require us running to two ends of the basketball fields and lay down back facing up. I used the time and the weight of my body to apple pressure to my penis. Managed to orgasm. No cum since I'm too young

>>724064751
Yeah they were asleep

Guess everyone is jacking off now in strange places around the world now that they know they might get away with it.

In the call center of a Home Depot with a coworkers watch around the base of my dick. She gave it to me to change the battery for her while she went on lunch so I changed the battery and noticed it smelled like she did and I got hard. I found out that her wrist and my dick were close to the same size around that day. Slid it down to the base of my dick and slow jerked my dick while taking calls. I came and left the watch on my dick while I watched for her to come in the door, I took it off my cock and she came back for the watch when I handed it to her she said "Its so warm" I told her it was in my pocket and ended up jerking off thinking about the fact that her watch was around my hard cock while I jerked out a load at work and the warmth of my dick was still on the watch when she slipped it back onto her wrist.

I still get hard thinking about it.

I've flicked the bean in a bathroom stall when I was in high school also in my pool in the back yard of my house

>>724068532
I was alone. My duty was answering the radio. In the woods of Vermont we were. I masturbated. Sperm all over.

At other night radio buzzed and it was a female soldier. My dick moved cause I wasn't seen a woman for weeks.

>>724058965
Teenager at waterpark after a week of camping and no fap; dick was angry! Had to go to the restroom and do it.

In middle school I had a sleepover with one of my friends
His mom was smoking hot
When we went to bed I couldn't stop thinking about his mom so I obviously jacked off to the though of her
When I finished I heard my friend make a noise as well
He came out a few years ago
He won't stop hitting me up with dick pics

What do?

>>724072445
Send pics of gross shit so he gets turned off.

>>724072671
I've tried that, this bitch just gets horny again and tries his luck the next month

>>724073105
Then tell him to fuck off you are not interested, and if he continues, then block him and ignore him.

>>724059875
I'll I've done while tripping on acid on state st was ride my bike, listen to music, and laugh my ass off.

>>724059875
Too many ass kickings from Ohio State has turned your brain to mush, son.

>be me
>14
>visiting grandparents in Ireland
>their house is in a midsize seaside town
>Everyone went to bed
>super horny
>go out on patio overlooking the entire town
>jack it on the patio
>beautiful summer evening
>getting close
>3 options
>Walk back inside to the bathroom and probably have to start all over
>Bust in the potted plant right next to me
>Bust over the side of the patio, onto the ground ~15 feet below
>Go with 3rd option
>Nut into the the street below
>Zipping up pants
>Hear bum screaming from down below
>"WOT THE FOOK IS THIS CUM???"
>Fucking dashed
>Hardest I've ever been post-nut

>>724058965
>neighbors down the street went on vacation and asked 15 yo me to watch their house for the week
>they had 2 daughters, one my age, one a few years older
>the first thing I did was go into the younger ones room and look through her drawers
>she was dating an older guy and a found a box of lube, condoms, Kama sutra book, and a dildo
>spent the week jerking off in her bed sucking on her dildo while sniffing her panties
>left small amounts of jizz on her pillow, panties, and any bottle in the bathroom

>>724063129
How sad lieutenant Dan

I stole my gfs butt plug and wore it all day at work till I couldn't stand it and went in the bathroom and whacked off

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>>724073926 my sides

Jerked off onto the door of my works bathroom to pictures my girlfriend was snaping today. Could post.

>>724076053
Do it! Pics of girlfriend, not you jerking

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>>724061129
same but no stockings, right

>>724058965
back seat of a car while my mom was still in the front seat driving. was really weird when she asked what i was doing.....

>>724063262
same

Sneak into a friends house when no one is home , go into his sisters room , look at her panties then go to the bathroom take her panties out of the hamper , go back to her room put the dirty panties over my face while I jerkoff , spend a few hours in there bust 3 loads and clean myself with her clean panties rubbing my cum on the crotch of her panties . Sneak back out of house and go home .

>>724078720
"Honey have you seen my shoes?"
No mom I havent seen them

>>724078992
you are the reason why I have a security system you fuck

>>724073389
Tell him you want to try and fuck his mom and if you do you will allow him to blow you

>>724079073
lel

not my mom but it was a family member

>>724078720
I have done this so many times I lost count

>>724062569
Literally started giggling right when I read "An underwater weighing test"

Goddamnit, 10/10

>>724080036
any pics? feels good man.

>>724065111
Oh my god I am losing it, 12/10 your autistic abilities are amazing

>>724068648
??? Umm no. Not even close. Good lord man. Get ahold of yourself. The towers were hit in 2001. Now ask yourself when was Snapchat launched ? Ohhhhh wait a min.... You got it. It's not for real...

My church bathroom. I'm still ashamed of that one.

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a goodwill dressing room.

into a pair of jeans i tried on

i put them back on the rack with my jizz in them

>>724058965
while flying a powered parachute at 4,000 ft at around sunset.

>>724065111
checked

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>>724081028

>>724058965
Car driving down street
I used to cum so fast in high school I jerked off in front box the urinal and came quick enough nobody thought I took too long

>>724080445
Not the best pic but this was in a pair of Tory Burch Flats , I love flats and house slippers

>>724058965
At my previous job I was a warehouse manager. The neighboring company moved out and our offices were in the same building. Because we shared utilities the landlord left me the keys so I could fix/adjust utilities as needed.

Before long I would sneak over to the office, close the door, prop a tablet on the desk and jerk off in the most creative ways possible (I'm married so good fucking luck jerking off at home).

I started brought in lube, a flesh light, a cock ring- all sorts of shit. I would keep it in a box and lock it up in the filing cabinet at the end of my shift.

Before long I was spending an hour and a half easy making baby batter at work.

The worst was when I used the landlords wife's travel pillow, the kind you take on planes. I would drain my balls into the carpeting dry fucking that thing.

On my last week the landlord's wife came by to get the travel pillow as they were flying home to Japan.

And that lads, is the time I was paid to use my personal masturbatorium.

>>724062299
He could have been same age Faggot

Just bathroom stalls. Twice. But never again.

>>724081630
wish i could cum in any expensive shoes she has

The side of a busy main street in my city. Basically

>be me
>walking home from school
>Get a raging hard on, like need to jerk it now
>Go behind this abandoned building
>There is a back entrance with a couple walls around it
>jerk off in this dusty area, off phone porn, feet away from busiest street in town
>shit was so cash

I only people who could have seen me were people in the nearby apartment complexes, but I was so far away probably wouldn't have noticed me/known what I was doing/cared.

So yeah, jerked off on a main street.

>>724081298
I killed the engine and jerked off leaning back and came all over my legs and most of it fell.

I also jerked off in the back seat of a P51 configured for training. Came on the floor. Hard in a harness.... but I wanted to say I came in a mustang. I wasn't the POC.

>>724058965
My ex jerked me off, through my pocket hole, during a church service. She did that multiple times before we got caught having sex at her mom's house and she "had" to leave me.

>>724065514
it's a rare pasta, as well as being older than most of the boards on the chan.

>>724082525
As a matter of fact, I still have the pants she jerked me off in.

so one of my pockets had a hole in it and some random day in some science classroom i decided i was horney enough to pressure squeeze my dick to this chick with a huge ass wearing sweatpants. i came looking at her with a straight face and she even glanced at me, those were the freaky days

>>724063437
Winrar

>>724063480
Say u r trans

>>724063767
at this point, i honestly don't him to stop.

this guy is fucking hilarious
i still don't even know the point of his story.
i don't even actually now for sure if he showered or not or if she put up her hair lmfao

but i do know his house contains a kitchen , two bathrooms, a living room, a dining room, three bedrooms and a basement!

>>724062569
That's actually a way of calculating BMI. It's called the water displacement test.

The subject is weighed outside of water. Then they're put into a tank of water. They're both weighed again (which is less due to buoyancy) and the amount of water displaced is read. There's a formula used to determine the BMI from the difference in weights and the volume displaced.

I had it done in college while on the football team. One of the grad assts was doing this for his master's thesis.

5th grade. Everyone went to lunch and I forgot my lunch money. Ran back to class and no one was there. Saw my crushes trumpet case. Opened it and jacked off and cam into mouthpiece end. Put it back in case and went to lunch. She never said anything

>>724058965
On a tent with my best friend, stopped looking at me the same way since

>>724071332
Tits or gtfo

>>724071332
pic of the bean, please

tits would be nice, too

>>724058965
women's restroom in an internet cafe in Lloret del Mar, Spain.

>>724062112
I've jerked off in Blue lagoon too

Sisters room. I check out her porn history in private tabs and enjoy

>>724077990
She knew

I did it in front of my computer.

>>724078992
Burglar

>>724059788
zero funny shit

>>724058965
unisex bathroom at a sk8ing rink.

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>>724058965
On a greyhound bus, into a styrofoam clamshell, that had half of a leftover quesodilla in it. It was still delicious after.

>>724062569
Wow I totally forgot about this copypasta
I feel old.

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Tokyo Airport in between connecting flights.

guy two houses up from me told me he used to jack off onto the windscreen of our neighbors car.