It was gradual, but the main thing was reading about personality disorders and realising that my father really didn't have Asperger's, then realising other things, and meeting them again with my new knowledge. I was able to see them for what they were, and it creeped me the fuck out; they outed themselves a lot too, saying stuff that was just unbelievable.
Contacting my brothers and realising our parents have been lying to everyone about everyone else confirmed my suspicions.
Then I saw old memories in a new way, and re-remembered some memories that look just dead wrong.
Starting therapy some time ago showed me I sometimes failed to understand how weird certain things were, because I grew up with severely mentally ill people.
I had to. But I have two brothers, both are mentally fucked and remember the same things I remember.
Also, I am acquiring evidence of abuse. All our noses are fucked by being given nose drops for months at a stretch. None of us has any mucus left in there.
Also, I was sent to hospital often due to the abuse, and they have records. They once zipped up my cock on purpose. I remember the pain of that and had to be sent to the ER. Supposedly, the person "forgot" to put underwear on me (must have been around 4 or 5). I no longer buy that version of events.
Boy, but for some reason, I have a lot in common with girls, though no confusion as to my identity or sexuality.
I have been traumatised in many ways and I was able to connect it all to my past now.
My father maintained me under water for some time when I was 5, and I've had a phobia of drowning ever since. One of my brothers cannot put his head under water. They both have eating disorders due to having been forcefed (stuffed until they choked and vomitted).
99% of the abuse we went through was presented as our fault or an accident, and that's the main reason why I didn't even see it as abuse until I understood our parents were after us. They are scheming sadists.
My parents exult from others suffering, whether they know it or not.
As a kid, they'd dress me ridiculously on purpose to make sure other kids would avoid me or make fun of me. I was given pink sneakers, never taught to look at myself or dress, or anything. It was all subtle and took me decades to see. At any age, I found evidence of subtle shit.
My father would spy on me at recess, and mock me and shout at me for it in the evening.
Not sure I'll give too many worse examples, because I sense some of you feed on pain.
I was there, but I had a kid's point of view, and I retained that. You don't just assume your parents want to cause you harm on purpose.
New example: At 17, I had to write a paper for the end of my high school (not American), and my mother pretended to have accidentally deleted my document, but she said she'd retype it for me. I gave her my paper version, and she typed it up. That was the night before it was due.
Next day, I print the retyped version and send the digital version to my teachers.
During my defense, I realise even the title has a silly mistake, and a year later, re-reading that paper once I'm at uni, I realise my mother replaced words in plenty of instances, to the point where my sentences are ridiculous. I thought my mother was just incompetent, but recently I realised she was doing it on purpose.
They stole money from us and made sure we'd waste a bunch.
>>724049460 True, most people that come here are fucked up in some way, shape or form, and many have no other intention but to mock and troll and feast on others misfortune or reactions. Who cares if some self-loathing 18 year old laughs at your stories? If you share them, they are shared because you wanted to, not because some troll told you to entertain him/her/attackhelicopter.
>>724049195 >so you didn't know until somebody told you?
I never forgot the beatings and brutality, for instance, but the rest they could twist.
My parents would plant things in their bedrooms and tell us not to visit their rooms when they were gone (we were left for hours even as small kids). I found my mother's suitcase of evil dildoes and my brother found photos of them fucking with another man. This was on purpose, as other instances showed the same pattern. It is not a coincidence.
>>724051400 >can you explain the process and sensation of how you recovered old memories of trauma?
I derealised a lot for periods of time, this all happened after major trauma from another story. I don't even feel like these memories were really recovered, more like I thought about them again, after a long time. I remember remembering them, if you will.
It feels like I could unlock more if I focused, but it is scary, so for now, I don't dwell on it.
Once I understood my parents REALLY seek to inflict pain on others and scheme about it, like mastertrolls, I had to re-interpret my whole life, and everything makes more sense.
It feels bad, like a massive twist in a film. Basically, you just think about your past from a new angle, and relinquish your kid's understanding of a situation and replace it with that of an adult who knows about personality disorders and sadism.
>>724051629 did he say that? i'm not trying to be a troll like but maybe im missreading it? everything seems so subtle and vague but i guess its not easy to talk about too. really not tryin to be a dick OP
Subtle and vague is how my parents wanted the abuse to be. For physical stuff, they gave me sleeping pills before so I have no memories, as intended. I never knew until this year that you're not supposed to give a child sleeping pills, since I was given them when I was a kid myself. My brothers and I all avoid medication. Now we know why.
It's a huge relief to know what actually happened, to some degree.
I no longer fear going to the shop or calling strangers on the phone. I know where the threat was.
I've considered murdering them brutally, however. I really did. They certainly abused my niece, who is 2. Definitely gave her sleeping pills, that much is 99% certain. Who knows what they do to babies.
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