aiight mother fucker, before you get priscilla to start rimming you (brah feelsgood doe srs)
go to coles / woolies, and get hair removal cream but make sure you get the one for sensitive skin yeah, cus obviously the area around your ass is sensitive AF, ive made the mistake of using the normal stuff on sensitive regions (aka my fukn balls, but thats a story for another time) just stay clear.
generally theres a sensitive cream that comes with a paddle like tool, and another with a sponge like tool. GET THE FUKN PADDLE, legit the sponge is gross, paddle is FTB.
set some time aside for when your anus is clean and prepare to be able to run faster, swim faster and even walk faster now that you're removing all that bulky hair weighing you down. and FUKN PREPARE for getting your ass eatin by your MRS, kunntttttt my dick is getting hard even writing this (send pics of girl eating ass pls)
then you just strip naked in the bathroom, put a generious amount in your hand, prop one leg up on a height (toilet seat is good) and smother that shit around to get a nice even layer. AT THIS FUKN POINT TAKE A NOTE OF THE TIME / START A TIMER ON YOUR PHONE. now apply amount to the same hand again and use some bend action from the hips to reach around get the other side / in between and all that soon to be good stuff. once you feel like you got good coverage half a good cheeky look. and wash your one hand (its a kunt to wash off hence why i told you to apply the amount to the one hand to spread )
NOW PLS NOTE THE TIMER AND READ INSTRUCTIONS ON YOUR FUKN CREAM TUB, do not for the love of god almighty exceed the maximum time, but go till about when the last bit you applied has reached the minimum time. DOM LISTEN TO ME BRO if it fukn burns a little, its okay. but if it fukn burns burns, you need to get in the shower and rinse it ASAP KUNT, or god help you, you'll be investing in a stand up desk at work. a little burn is understandable because its your ass area, but too much means somethings going wrong and you need to take a different approach.
now if your not sure if the time is right, grab the paddle and give a little slide on one area and check to see if all the hair is getting fried / coming out. if not give it a little longer, but if its good and coming off, jump in the shower and IMMEDIATELY wash off all the cream. chances are the cream has annihilated all the hairs and leaving the cream on whilst you shower and paddle the other side is risky biz.
then from there its pretty straight forward, paddle all that gross old hair away. make sure you proper wash your legs etc to get rid of the hairs that fall down, CLEAN the shower (come on bro you live with your parents and they dont need to see this shit) and hope out of the shower and apply A TINY bit of moisturizer around that area. preferably dont wear any underwear to bed, just to air everything out ya know. also prepare for weird sweaty feels down your crack, that you will get use to. also be gentle if you gotta wipe within 24 hours, that area's still senstive ya know. also expect to have some irritation when the hair grows back, but fuk, such is the alpha life. also expect to have louder farts. apparently the hair helps silence when you're carpet bombing kunce. but yeah just sit back, moisturise here and there if you feeling it. and most of all just enjoy your new found life as a homosexual.
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