I'm a Forestry Technician. Ask me anything about trees.

>>723811989
How big are tress?

>>723811989
Why are trees such faggots?

>>723811989
how much tree is wood?

>>723811989
What is the greatest tree?

>>723812039
The only way to tell is to stick it up your ass
>>723812079
They are noble and ancient beings
>>723812095
almost all of it
>>723812122
white pine

>>723811989
why do i get a raging erection with spruce?

>>723811989
Why did you kill that tree with your magic doohicky

Whats a fast growing tree with with thick foliage and good drought and heat tolerance for the south central US?

>>723812154
You are truly omniscient

>>723811989
how do you deal with morning wood?

>>723812161
Because spruce are sexy
>>723812180
I had to in order to measure it.

It's not like I took the hypocratic oath or anything
>>723812214
Not sure I'm only interested in Canadian species.

Out of the Canadian species I think Tamarac fits the bill but there might be something better.
>>723812246
I usually just wait it out before I go to the toilet.

>>723811989
do trees feel pain?
what makes white pine superior to other trees?
why did you want to be a tree technician?

>>723812336
No they don't
It's the biggest in Ontario and I really like the look
Didn't want to work in an office.

>tree technician

how is it living at poverty level?

>>723812397
do you think the trees love you back?
have you ever given a tree a name?

>>723811989
A tree raped my mom once. Why don't you guys do anything to stop it?

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Last year some dicks from the town painted this on my neighbors tree. I assumed that it meant the tree needs trimming. But it was a year ago, why hasn't anything been done? Why are the town workers useless lazy cunts? Pic related.

whats the craziest thing you have found in a tree?

>>723812482
thas an umbrella you fucking troglodyte

>>723812441
Fresh air fills the lungs
>>723812465
I've talked to trees while high on mushrooms. Can't remember what I called him tho.
>>723812474
Trees are pacifists, your mom was asking for it.
>>723812482
I have no idea I'm not an arborist. Are there power lines near by?
>>723812485
1/2 carved red pine canoe that was at least 1000 years old

>>723811989
I hope you are an undergrad, otherwise how does it feel working a job that will never pay well?

>>723812485
your virginity

>>723812617
I intend on becoming a Registered Professional Forester (RPF) at some point.

If a tree falls over in a forest, and it doesn't have its life alert necklace on, how does a tree tech like you even know how to get to the trees in need?

>>723812609
>1000 years old

go back to school

>>723811989
Is ur name Dave?

How did you get into this field? Does it pay well? What region do you live in? Big Big fan of trees by the way

>>723812992
no, its steve

>>723813004
i got fucked by a tree and enjoyed it, yes i earn $3m+ a day, i live in ontario

>>723812727
We make prescriptions for the whole stand, not individuals.
>>723812735
Your mom is 1000 years old
>>723812992
Yes
>>723813004
Just sounded interesting. 1 year college diploma north of Ottawa Ontario.

>>723812672
do you plan on fighting for an industry in Canada?? or just ride out the wave of stagnation with more raw logs that are only debarked then magically labelled as processed. Debarking is a prerequisite to be able to process the timber IMO.

>>723813093
Dude, I live in ontario. Hook me up

>>723811989
Have you ever in case the wood on the side resuscitated?

>>723813204
The flag has a leaf on it for a reason
>>723813237
I would, only if i wanted to do more look like. What?

Do you ever smoke trees when you're on the job?

>>723813308
Yup

>>723813330
Be careful man. You don't want the labor board of ontario finding out that. You wont even get ei if that happens

How's the bark beetle increase affecting your forests? Human encroachment is causing huge issues here. I've found four different species in one stand.

>>723811989
Would you like to buy my ms200t for 1,000 USD

>>723811989
I've been having technical issues with my tree. I don't believe it is functioning properly. What do?

>>723811989
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to witness it, does it make a noise?

>>723813585
I don't know anything current. That's a west coast issue.

>>723813810
Call an arborist.

>>723813810
have you tried cutting it down and replanting it

Why do you guys work so hard to prevent forest fires to the point where tree density and fuel levels are so high that when fires do get going they are almost impossible to stop? Why do controlled natural burns to clean up fuel and restore meadowlands for wildlife?

Do you ever get laid because of your career? Do bitches love Forestry Technicians?

>>723813330
how did NAFTA effect the industry? are outlooks better now with Trump or worse. It seems countries only really want out bitumen and raw logs are just a bonus...

>>723811989
Who you think taught you to smoke trees?

why wont my tree talk to me like it used to?

>>723811989
You posted that pic a week ago. Why did you come back faggot

>>723811989
is god real

talk dirty to tree

>>723813981
To protect the value in the forest (wood fiber)
>>723814005
NAFTA is a total POS for Canadian softwood.
There was a "softwood lumber crisis".
>>723814013
Self taught
>>723814019
Pills. You're better off on the meds, though,
>>723814073
I'm always here.
>>723814128
Probably

>>723811989
Do trees have feels

>>723811989
Who speaks for the trees?

>>723811989
I was thinking of getting a tree as a pet.
Which ones would you recomend for somebody who doesnt have a lot of space in their backyard?

>>723813994
a lot of "free spirited" hippie types in forestry... especially wherever tree planting is concerned. If your into the unshaven, unshowered type then yes.... otherwise the ones that excel in forestry are usually butch.

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>>723813237
>>723813304

What is this I don't even

>>723813308

I bet he smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe

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I'm in the Chicago area, and I have ash trees.

Are they fucked because of the emerald ash borer? Should I just let them die or make an effort to save them? They are 40 - 50 years old trees.

>>723811989
Are dendrophiles thrown out of school?

>>723811989
what elements constitutes wood?

>>723814241 japanese maple... all the kids will think your edgy cause it looks like pot.

>>723813994
Missed your question. Answer is kindof.

There is a big difference between hot girls, and what I call bush hot girls.

There's 1 meh chick in the class and like 30 guys, she looks hot AF.

You meet her a year later in the city and she's just not even a little bit attractive.
>>723814290
It's frowned uppon
>>723814343
Carbon
>>723814399
Dubs confirm. Those are nice trees I'm getting one myself.

>>723814288
You should be fine. There aren't a lot of trees in the city so illness moves slowly.

You should be able to find out how to heal them online or call an arborist.

Recently I heard something to the tune of plants having some kind of conciousness, a neuronal network between roots and leavy, greeny part. The talk went so far that it called the plants out for hiding their conciousness, but presenting their genitals to the world.
I guess what I want to ask, is if /b/tards have some striking similarities with plants.

inb4 vegetarians either are oblivious to the suffering they cause defenseless plants or they do it deribelately.
>monsters

>>723814553
Just saw this the other day
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsbhLAqbcaM

Are you happy?

Is this thread dead?

>>723814883
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7BEptoDW24

In the book "Brian's Winter" there's a part where trees start freezing and exploding because of pressure built up inside the tree as liquids inside the tree freeze and expand. Is that a thing that actually happens?

>>723814883
>>723815198
is the existential questioning neccessary?

Dead as Canada's Forest Industry. Say hello to a decade of the crudest crude we can pull out of the ground for profits of pennies on the dollar. a few corporations are going to be rich until the markets fall on their ass again.

>>723815324
I think they tried this on mythbusters, google it

>>723815324
not OP, but yea that happens, but only if really fucking cold, like siberian level

>>723811989
Ayy my nigga, im a forestry techician too!

>>723815324
Yep. Frost cracking. You can hear it on a really cold night in the woods.

>>723816410
Cool where at? Are you employed?

>>723811989
How can I tell when a large tree (in my yard) is past its prime and on the way to becoming dangerous?

>>723816986
What kind of tree is it?

>>723811989
who taught you to smoke them?

what is tree

>>723816497
Hungary. Not yet, but there might be a job oppurtunity.

>>723817197
Would you say hungarian forestry is advanced?

I learned a little about german forestry and it's cool what they do.

>>723813093
>i got fucked by a tree and enjoyed it, yes i earn $3m+ a day, i live in ontario
That was steve, not a tree.

>>723817193
tree fiddy

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>>723811989

I FUCKING LOVE DICHOTOMOUS KEYS

>>723811989
do you eat a burger?

>>723811989
did that little hand held piece of glass help you confirm that it is tree?

>>723817543
It's used to measure how much wood there is in a stand

How do you promote single trunk sapling growth from a black cherry that is in cold zone 4.

>>723817254
Well, it depends on what you compare it to. After the fall of the USSR, hungary was a real post communist shithole, at least regarding forestry. It took many years, but I think the work paid off, our forests are nice, healthy and doubled in size since the "system change".

>>723817581
Dry hump it with your dick out

>>723817613
Cool

Do you use any big fancy machines or are you still using chainsaws?

>>723811989
How am leaves for trees get dirt with sponge?

>>723817543

for some reason I lost

>>723811989
Are there any tree-related conspiracy theories you've heard of?

>>723817103
Maple

>>723817769
They HATE stupid questions and will probably come break down your door.

>>723811989
As someone who is trying to enter the environmental sciences as well, how hard was it for you to find work. I'm applying nationwide for oceanographic positions, but the going has been slow, unfortunately.

>>723811989
How does it feel when you fuck the trees? Do they have an anus?

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What is the oldest tree we can recieve age data from?

>>723817848
What, trees hate stupid questions?

>>723817839
How tall is it? How much of it is trunk vs limbs?

Also, check for large black stains of mold in the areas where there are large connections (like if the tree has a V in it, that area will get a lot of stress). If it gets cold where you are, the "joints" in the winter will bleed sap out and in the summer turn to mold and this is a sign of internal rot.

Also if it's got mostly limbs and very little stem it will experience more stress and live less...

>>723817664
Mostly chainsaws, but I guess there are a few places where they employ fancy machinery.

>>723814165
>To protect the value in the forest (wood fiber)

And yet nobody ever gets to log it. Where I'm at they'd rather let it all burn than let anybody harvest so much as a downed limb.

>>723818347
In northern Canada they cut about as much as they predict will burn.

I should mention that fire is important for the regeneration for black spruce.

>>723811989
>>723817862
Thanks, Shitdick.

>>723811989
My Goat Willow has black blotches on the leaves that return every year. Is there anything I can do for it except put it out of its misery?

>>723817862
One thing to look forward to in Forestry (not sure about other environmental sciences) is that over 1/2 (close to 80% "supposedly") of the people in good cushy positions and elsewhere will be retiring within 10 years.

>>723811989
Thanks G' mate.

I was once raped by a tree. But Lokal police told me that's trees can't rape anyone.

Was it real or was my trip harder than normal

>>723818626
White willow is fast-growing, but quite short-lived as trees are susceptible to watermark disease and willow anthracnose.

>>723811989
How would you determine limited distance with a BAF of 10?

>>723818462
Indeed. Fires are very beneficial. Where I'm at in Oregon, we have had so much unrestricted growth that the forests are encroaching on wildlife habitat. Now they are wondering why deer and elk populations are dropping.

>>723811989
Do treehouses shorten the tree's lifespan?

>>723818633
I'm told the same thing stateside with NOAA and USGS positions. However, our Dear Leader's hiring freeze may last much, much longer than the 90 days, especially in my field. Good luck with your future, man.

Also,
How much of your job is field work?
Any lab analysis and, if so, what kind?
Do you do any modeling and, if so, in what language?
Do you work directly or indirectly on publications?

>>723812336
are you suggesting that the white pine is superior due to the colour of it's bark?
If so, I fully agree.

>>723811989
How does tree?

I'm a video game designer. How do I make tree placement and foliage look natural? What is a good way to give the illusion of many different trees when I only have a few models I place around?

>>723819029
It's allll about good management. Look at the Germans. They manicure their forests for all kinds of values (wildlife, wood fiber, beauty, etc) and pass them down for generations.
>>723819045
I don't think so
>>723819108
Most of it
Not really (for me, anyway)
modeling? I am pretty handsome
I don't know what this means either
>>723819173
White pine is superior because it looks like it.
>>723819214
Manicure it, man. Don't do a "natural" layout. Put things in places that look nice.

Whats the most you've treed in a year

>>723819275
>Manicure it, man. Don't do a "natural" layout. Put things in places that look nice.

Huh, thanks man.

>>723812331
You said Tamarac is drought tolerant?

Is Tamarac (Larix laricina) something different in Canada?
I was under the assumption that it was mainly a swamp tree.

How much deforestation is done within the state of California itself? I regularly see trees getting cut down in areas like Shaver and in the Sequoias and it got me curious as to how much lumber is produced here.

>>723819214
Post games
>>723811989
How does global warming affect forestfires?

I've got a Bradford pear tree in my front yard that's pretty tall. I've heard they're quite weak and my area is prone to strong winds and occasional tornadoes. Should I have the tree cut down to keep my house safe from damage? I really don't want to risk having it fall over on my house, but it smells like semen when it blooms which is pretty sweet...

>>723811989
What's the sexiest tree you ever saw? Pics required

>>723811989
Are there any trees you can get high on? Drug trees? ??

>>723819641
The bark of some kind of tree contains a high amount of DMT. Google it.

>>723819453
Take a look at what a "climax" forest looks like. It looks like shit.
>>723819476
I think it's got a really wide range of growing conditions and is really resilient overall
>>723819530
Forestry and deforestation are different things.

The problem with the west coast is that there is basically 0 regeneration, but they do under plant it and cut a natural profile (at least in Canada)

>>723819592
It makes more fires....
>>723819605
I don't have the pics with me.
>>723819641
Not that I'm aware of. I think there's a family close to what jimson weed is but I don't know what it's called.

>>723819275
Modeling: Creating computer models to predict the future using computational/iterative methods.

Publications: Does any of your work go into peer-reviewed literature like scientific journals or into government reports?

How are you working in the environmental sciences and not sure what this is?

>>723811989
Explain the "fighting forestfires with forestfires" meme.
Do people actually do that?

>>723819864
It was just a 1 year technical diploma..

I always thought more computer oriented forestry would be really valuable. All I've seen is pretty old fashioned.

I do use GIS from time to time.

>>723819802
I think climax trees actually look kinda neat.

>>723819763
That bark that has a bite.

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>>723811989
Explain pic related.

Ever fucked a tree?

>>723819977
Ahh, okay. Well damn. Good on you for being able to get a solid job with a 1-year technical degree. I've a B.S. and nearly 30-graduate credits towards an M.S. (didn't get degree for a variety of reasons), and I'm having the devil's time finding work.

And nice with GIS. I've used Matlab almost exclusively for my scripting/programming, but I'm teaching myself Python now as you can port Python script into ArcGIS.

>>723820125
Strong wind or force bent all the saplings. Possibly after a massive forest fire swept through the area, as to why there are no larger trees.

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>>723811989
What's the deal with bonsai trees?

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>>723811989
How many people who study this are religious? Pic related.

how much does it cost to plant and grow 100000 or 1mil trees including the land cost

fast growing trees
in order to use the wood for industrial purposes

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>>723811989
How can trees grow on sand?

>>723819592
I'm pretty new with this, so no finished games.

>>723811989
What would need to be the price of land for buying a bunch of saplings, planting them and leaving it for 30 years worth it?

>>723820746
Post anyway. Could be a demo for all I care.

>>723811989
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

>>723811989
We have a beautiful tree in our yard that started to get a white mold type growth. The bark has started to split. All of this happened 2 years ago when we had a drought.

Any way of saving this tree?

>>723811989
How to get rid of a treestump cheaply?

>>723811989
why did they wait so long to address the pine beetle problem in Colorado

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>>723820296
What are you, a fucking comedian?

>>723820626
Some trees love sand. If they couldn't then there would be no organics in the ground for other trees. It's a chicken-egg scenario.

>>723820979
Leave it there.

>>723821036
niceme.me

>>723811989
why is there a tree around my anus?

>>723821105
to
>>723821069

>>723821105
stumps me

>>723818072
It's about 50'-60' and seems about 40/60 trunk/limbs. I see no signs of mold on the trunk but some of the branches are dead or have mold on them and it drops a fair amount of dead branches on a regular basis.

>>723811989
What do you work?

Favourite trees ?

>>723818744
Yes, I figured this tree was going to be "shorter lived". I just hope I can get away with only removing the earth around the roots, and that it isn't a fungus set in the entire area. That would suck. I want a nice Goat Williw right where it is..

A bigger tree would get in the way, but it's nice to have a little shade exactly at its location. And I think the yellow fluffy flowers that arrive here in the end of March are absolutely adorable.

And also I can make flutes from Goat Willow branches.

I really love Prunus serrulata . What about you ?

>>723811989
You still there?
Do you talk about trees with friends?

>>723821725
They are real pretty.
Best part tho, for me, is that it has edible flowers, leaves and fruit. That's nice.
To bad I live to far north for it to grow here.

>>723820854
Tried to make a gif with some wonky box with AI. Nothing interesting to see graphic wise though, sorry.

>>723822697
Post the gif anyway, Jesus.

>>723811989
As children one of us scalped the tree with a knife until the white colored layer, it was all creamy. A few years later we found the same tree and the scalped region was still visible had a lot of white stains around it. What's the cream for?

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>>723822746
So, the file size is always too big. This is actually the best I can right now.

>>723811989
What do you do in your job?
How well does it pay?
What experience and education did you need?

I fucked a tree once. Will it get pregnant?

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>>723824045
Environment so far.

>>723824045
Looks great
Post it to a different website.

>>723824167
>a room
wew lad

Can a normal tree become stone?

Bitch looks like a weasel, has gross skinny legs, ugly af feet, no tits, no ass, no talent. Fuck Taylor Swift.

>>723824200
It looks shit, it's far from done. Only working on tecnical stuff. What do you mean by other website.

>>723824249
I know right? Fucking amazing.

>>723824317
Post tech demo.

OP here. I chipped a tooth I g2g.

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Instead you should go Snapchat z .com leak your crush nudes

Are palm trees fun to work with?

>>723824480
:(
Hope you do well.

>>723824408
I don't think you realize how early this is. We only have a basic idea, and all of us are fresh with this stuff. I only needed some advice on setting up nature.

>>723811989
Do you believe in the Old gods?

>>723811989
what are you doing with that lens, bitch?

>>723824713
Just do it pussy.

>>723824734
>>723824720
to
>>723824480

>>723824855
gey

what are tree

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>>723811989
is this your brain on trees?

>>723811989
How long does it take for black walnut trees to grow to the point of being usable timber?

>>723811989
What species of trees do you like to jam up your hiney

>>723824831
How am I supposed to show a tech demo when all we got is ideas and a few experimental models?

>>723825376
Post all you got.
Literally just grab the folder and post it into dropbox.

>>723811989
>Forestry Technician.
lol

>>723812397
I'm from Ontario originally and pines are lame and ugly

Poplar masterrace

>>723825716
poplar are weeds

>>723825745
?
Why? I want to see your game.

>>723826022
By posting a dropbox link with all the files? Sure m8.

>>723826278
I cannot see how that's a bad thing. Care to explain?

>>723826509
No, not really. Sorryl.

>>723826926
You act sarcastic. I seriously don't get it.

>>723826969
I'm not though. But posting my stuff here isn't exactly clever.

>>723811989
can i be a tree when i die

>>723827455
Are you one of those securityfags?

>>723827626
I guess, if that is what it's called

>>723827785
What's the worse that yould happen?
I mean it. I'll have an unfinished game I didn't have before. Big deal.

>>723828050
You'll have concept art, a few almost finished models, and ideas. Worst that could happen? My idea ends up in another guys game. To me games is art if the artist put emotion to it. It's kind of personal, its an experience I want to share. When it's done of course.

>>723828721
At least where do I find the game when it comes out.

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>>723811989
OP HOW MUCH YOU MAKE A YEAR

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>>723811989
Can you have sex with a tree?

>>723828721
>when the kid who had no friends in school learns how to make games in flash

>>723828050
Nothing personal kid
>teleports behind you
>uses move only found in MY game
>you drop dead instantly
How's that for a game
>tips fedora
>hits vape pen
Back to working on my masterpiece
>ends up on newgrounds at best

>>723829191
That would be on Steam. But you overestimate my work here. This is a fucking thread about forestry, not some AAA title developer thread.

>>723829893
What are you on about, I haven't even claimed it's any good.

Would an European oak tree fuck a feminist or rather turn muslim?

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>>723830116
A muslim would rather fuck the European oak tree.

>>723811989
Why do niggers plant so many fucking walnut trees. Those fuckers are so fucking messy. The trees that is, not the niggers.

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>>723811989
Why dont you make like a tree, and get outta here!

>>723811989
Why are trees tall

>>723830367
The better to compete for sunlight with, my dear.

>>723811989
Why don't they ever shut up??

>>723830273
IDK but the attract a billion fucking squirrels that leave nasty walnut stains on fucking everything when they eat them

>>723830558
Because it takes literally forever to say anything in Ent.

>>723811989
Do you have xylophile?

>>723829797
It's not a question of can you, but wood you?

>>723825716
poplar is literally a worthless pest species

>>723823041
That was tree jizz. You gave the tree a vasectomy.

>>723820511
TIL Jesus was a horribly disfigured cyclops

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>>723830994
I wood have sex with a tree.

What's the best tree to have sex with?

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>>723831281
A naughty pine.

I'm back from the dentist to answer your questions.

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>>723832016
How can you tell if a tree is gay?

>>723832819
Dry hump it with your dick out

File: TreeLove.gif (1MB, 359x202px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 359x202px

>>723832903
Got splinters, guess it was not gay after all.

>>723833896
There's a lot of hermaphrodite trees too, you know.

File: unnamed.jpg (67KB, 615x483px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 615x483px

>>723832819
When you see this, you know its gay

>>723834259
seeds arent touching

File: 1485747066228.jpg (73KB, 640x635px) Image search: [Google]

73KB, 640x635px

>>723834393
Lol

>>723812154

Kauri tree master race signing in. Fuck your cuck white pines, OP

>>723836671
>Kauri tree
I'm only aware of Canadian species.

What kind of wood is in my pants?

>>723811989

how much do we have in common with trees, from and evolutionary perspective?

>>723836888
Gaywood. It's very toxic.
>>723836948
About as little as can be.

>>723836888
Those trips say solid mahogany

>>723811989
What would be the best type of wood to make a two foot model of the Admiral-Hipper class heavy cruiser, Prinz Eugen out of? I need something that's not resistant to staining, easy to paint, and is 24 inches long, 4 inches high, and 3 inches at it's widest point.

>>723838287
Basswood is cheap and great for carving. Plus it smells really nice.

>>723838641
Thanks.

>>723811989
What do you actually do for a living?

>>723839555
Count trees, mostly. I also get to decide what trees get to die and which to keep for later.

>>723811989
Have you ever fucked a dog

>>723840244
Tried once. She wasn't having it.

Do trees make it rain

>>723812154
>white pine
Fuck this nonsense right in the ear. Late to the thread but excited to learn more about trees. Then I see this shit. This shit right here.

White pines are fucking whores and you know it. Fuck them. So many trees are objectively better. Sweet Chestnut... Douglas Fir... English Oak... fuck me I'd rather fuck a goddamned poplar than look at a faggot white pine.

I am disappoint.

Giant sequoia

>>723811989
is it true that trees give less air production than underwater plants?

>>723812161
CUZ IT RYMTHES WITH BRUCE

/b/ u crack me up so much i love u guys

>>723811989
you ever tap a maple tree and fuck the hole?

what kind of trees do u smoke?

OSU?

>>723811989
Honest question.

When I die, I want to have my remains buried in the fetal position around or under a sapling. Assuming all laws where Im at say it's cool, what kind of tree would be the best for it? I was thinking ash, same as Yggdrasil. My goal is to use a tree that will have an exceptionally long life span, grow very large if left unimpeded.

Could you recommend a tree?