Weirdest/Creepiest/Perverted thing you've done ?

Taken a picture of this car saleswomen's tits while she was looking for paperwork

Walked into my friend's sisters room high on coke at 7am pretending I wanted weed(she doesn't smoke) when I really wanted to have sex with her. Pussied out of asking, so found her used panties on the hallway and jerked off while sniffing them.

Started jerking off while laying in bed with a friend. We were high on weed and laying down taking a nap. She woke up but didn't say nothing. But she knew.

fucked a horse at 5am in the morning in the middle of a cold wet field after drinking wine all night and taking a bunch of acid

>>723483080
Lmao. Did it enjoy it ?

Put peanut butter all over my dick and balls and let me dog lick it off. Fucked my dogs mouth and made her gag.

>>723483272
i dont think it knows it ever even happened

Use to jack off to nude pictures of my mom.

>>723482244
Stuck my dick into my niece's trainers while wearing grandma's panties on the head.

>>723483418
Ass or vagina ? Did it feel good ?

>>723483461
Pls post, I love mommies.

>>723483598
mare pussy, felt fucking incredible

Licked my mum's used up dildo. The scent of her vaginal juice just drove me crazy. Proceeded to sniffing her swimsuit afterwards.

Jerked off in the public sauna (male & female) at the local bathhouse.
Came in three hot as hell teens, sat down in front of me.
So I rubbed my dick in stealth mode, came all over my thigh and then walked out of there with cum dripping down my leg.

>>723483609
Don't have them I was in high school and they were in my parents drawer.

>>723483760
>parents drawer
The birthplace of fetishes.

Fingered my gf under a blanket while our kid played video games at the other end of the couch

>>723484308
How old is the kid ?

>>723484519
Almost ten

>>723484552
What game was he
Playing?

>>723484634
Star Wars Battlefront, not that it's relevant

>>723484948
good game though

>>723484948
It's relevant to me actually.

>>723484552
shouldve been fingering the kid

sex, in the missionary position, for the purpose of procreation.

1) as a pre teenager whenever i had female friends over for homework or whatever i put my dick in the glass of milk, stir and serve them

2) went upstair to my uncles new young wife opened the drawer smelled her panties and jerked off

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Have a boner out of this

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bought one of those fake pussys out of sillicone.
Going to masturbate with it to Catch me outside girl tonight

Paid a girl off of Facebook to shit on me.

Photoshopping photos of my female friends on social media and jerking off to them

>>723485175
Impaled

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Masturbated while sucking on my ex's moms dildo.

>>723485210
Pics of girl ? How much $?

>>723485238
Man I wish I knew how to Photoshop just for that purpose.

jerked it to sister while spying on her

>>723485175
Mr Hands !

He fucking died from this.

used to watch my gfs younger sister who was 28 through a vent in the wall when no one else was home. best my meat so hard to that whore. liked wearing very little so i had plenty of spank opportunities

>>723485194
Fleshlights are awesome. Just need the right amount of lube. Not too much, not too little.

>>723485572
she was 18* dumb phone

>>723482244
Came in daughter's barbie dolls and leaved them there unwashed.

I also put them some perfume so they could smell like my dead wife.

>>723485572
I once jerked off to my sister's fiends panties. Turns out it wasn't her friends panties...

>>723485675
BTW, only leaved them unwashed because of laziness, not because I'm a creep, which, I'm not.

>>723485113
Clean though? Gotta go to the laundry basket for the good stuff.

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>>723485691

>>723485675
How do you cum In a Barbie doll? You mean on ? Sorry bout your wife bud.

>>723485691
when she was out of the house id sometimes go in her room and check out the slutty outfits she had hidden in her dresser. wish i had a camera in that vent.

never got into panty sniffing though.

Worked as a plumber. Stole the panties of some 15 year old girl and jerked off to them. I was about 18. Dad found them in my trunk.

>>723485971
Well, they're small, of course I meant on, it was all over the place and the hair was a mess, my daughter was like "what happened to the hair?!!, it's all stiff and glued"

>>723486279
Hahaha ohh noooo. "Is that, hair gel?"

>>723486279
What does she look like, thin? And is she blonde?

>>723482244
Rip in peace Lil peppers

>>723485106
you disgust me

>20+ years ago, I was about 15-17 or so
Friend's older sister would leave dirty laundry in the upstairs bathroom.
I'd be over and "Be down in a minute"
Fapped buckets to dirty bras and panties.

>>723485572
I use to do something similar. I could peep through the blinds of my best friends sister's room. Waited one night on the side of the house until she got home. Gave her a minute to get inside then I peeped through the blinds and watched her change. After she was done she went to bed and I headed home as quick as I could. Could barely get my dick out of my pants before it erupted with the force of a thousand suns.

>>723482244
There's a face I haven't seen for a long time.

>>723486933
Got riskier as time went on and would sneak out front and go around the side to peep while hanging out at his house. Paid off as her friends would come over to hit the pool some nights and they'd change in her room too.

If only we had the technology then that we do now. I would have captured all of this on my phone.

It's been a good 10+ years and I still could gap to this. So heavenly

Had pity sex with my cousin in my boyfriend's bed.

>>723485039
I second this

>>723486933
I did the same.
We had a detached garage with a window facing the houses.
Would go and watch the same friend's sister change
Again, fapped buckets

>>723482244
> College friend wears size 5 blue Toms all day, everyday
> No socks
> One day I invite her over to my dorm to play Super smash Bros
> She shows up wearing the very same Toms
> Slides them off by the front door
> We play Smash for 20 minutes before she gets up and excuses herself to the bathroom
> Heart pounding, I immediately make a beeline for her sweaty Toms
> Look inside them and can clearly see her dirty footprints
> I grab them and take a deep whiff, as my eyes close in ecstacy
> Almostjizzinpants.jpg
> Literally smell like the dirtiest, sweatiest Doritos ever
> She comes back out and I'm over on the couch, pretending nothing happened as I hide my raging boner
> I casually drop hints about her Toms being stinky as she giggles like crazy about it

God, I love my life.

>>723487168
>If only we had the technology then that we do now. I would have captured all of this on my phone.
This.
This is so true.

>>723486701
He died ?

Jerk off sniffing my moms panties

>>723482244
Pretty much every girl I have ever been friends with I have repeatedly stolen used panties from their laundry.

When I was 14 I started sniffing my sisters panties

My sister in law passed out in my place a couple of times and both times I molested her.

Now I fap to pics of my niece.

JonnySledge95 On kik if you want details

>>723487417
Yea it's fucked up but I wouldn't ever do that if it wasn't for the cocaine. Shit makes me weird.

>>723487639
How old were you?
Did you like that girl?

Eat my dogs pussy sometimes.

>>723487547
Yea thanks for the tips I was definitely wondering how I could go about jizzing on birds

>>723485385
hng

>>723486647
Yes, I haven't found a fat barbie doll yet

>>723487314
I also helped a friend home on night and she was fully drunk passed out. Got her on the bed. Rubbed my dick on her face and groped her tits. Did not have enough courage to do anything further. Went into her bathroom and jacked off into her shampoo bottle.

Then when I got home I jacked off again to the thought of her putting my goo in her hair.

>>723488106
does dog enjoy that at all?

>>723487547
You know why I respect this muthafucka, because he has a plan and he lives by it! DO it bro, cream on all teh birds!

Woke up early in the morning to see my mum sleeping naked with a slipped blanket.
Jerked off to her big tittes (3rd european, don't know the american counterpart) with large areolas.

I used to go into the grow room to jack off. She was so insane about the water and fertilizer and stuff. I'd jack off into her watering can so her plants would drink my semen.

>>723488369
I've unfortunately never been in that situation.
I have thought about it, and know that I would put her in her pajamas.
>I'm the sweet guy, I think I could get away with it. Pics would happen.

came in a coworkers work boots one day she wasnt there, used her shoes too.

have done it lots to my sil too

>>723487547
This is a hole new level of autism

>>723488369
Had one other similar adventure. Went to a house party at a random girls house. Ended up sneaking off to her bathroom and jerking off into her body wash. I hope she rubbed it all over her.

>>723483697
As if they didn't notice you retard lol

>>723487673
Well meme my friend

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>>723487547
What the fuck anon

>>723489721
Mans gotta do what's Mans gotta do

>>723489721
That dogs got a pretty mouth

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>>723487547
this is a exquisite post my friend, a true classic

Totally obsessed with my wife's younger sister. Stolen 8 bras from her now and countless dirty panties and she has no idea. The bras are just fucking heaven, well used ones that have spent so many hours on her tits

>>723488411
Yeah. She will have a thrusting orgasm fit into my mouth.

>>723487547
>>723487547
pasta faggot

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>friend invites me to his mountain cabin
>usually his gf is there too
>not this time
>we are alone
>inb4 gay story just keep on reading
>friend reiceives business call, tells me he is out for the day but I can sleep there
>see ya tomorrow
>doorcloses.wav
>open drawers
>search for his gf's socks (sadly there was none between the used clothes)
>she is short, pale, has small feet and acts like a brat
>3 pairs of extra cute little girl-like ankle socks (1 pink with red hearts on it, 1 white with yellow ends and 1 simply black)
>I can hear my heartbeat in my head
>cock is diamonds
>pink looks the best and is the most used (was really thin at the toes and heel)
>pull it on my cock all the way
>masturbate.exe
>imagine its her jacking me off with her socks
>cum one of the biggest loads ever
>repeat with all pairs throughout the night till I'm completely drained and my cock hurts both from exhaustion and friction from her socks
>wash socks with soap, try to dry them with hairdryer, put them back to the drawers and pray to god they'll be completely dry and clean the next day

>>723485194
So I'm not the only fag who finds her hot

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>>723487293
moar

>>723490878
I know that sense of fear. The last time I took one of my sister in law's most used bras I was sure she'd notice and finally work out that so much of her underwear vanishing isn't normal, I was scared for weeks after

>>723492196
Oh she knows

>>723492196
>8 bras and even more panties
no way she doesn't know breh

>>723483629
Post the story you fucking faggot

>>723492328
>>723492481
Depends, she might think the machine ate them, like socks, but she might be suspicious.

>>723492656
Yea dude maybe 1 or 2 but not 8. If I had 8 pairs of boxers go missing I would know something's up. That's probably half of the total bras she even has.

Getting off at high school to all the slutty women there, not proud of it but oh well. Plenty of ass grabbing as well.

>>723492887
Depends how dumb she is.

>>723491034
Nope

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Found a legitimate home made sex tape buy a girl i used to know. Masturbated for a week solid.

>>723482244
jerked off in english class in the desk in the back corner, came. it was glorious.
Or the sex with bitches strung out on ghb

>>723493603
That's called date rape.

I started jerking off in an empty classroom in high school once. Copped wood and just had to fucking get it off. Fucking teacher ended up walking in before I could finish

More bestiality stories

>>723482244
Does murder count?

>>723494575
Only if you had sex with the body

>>723482244
>>723493739
>>723494575
>>723494939

http://bit.
ly/2ip7fzF

I finger banged a girl on the marching band bus when I was a freshmen. Everyone made fun off me at school.

>>723494939
Before death count?

>>723482244
Jerked off to Brian Peppers

jerked off to my friends gf ass while she was sleeping (nothing special)

>>723492542
weird ass faggot get help

>>723485493
I learned to photoshop properly in less than 3 days. If you're poor, just download a crack. ALWAYS CS, NEVER CC

i was craigslist one night years ago and found a post in mw4w and it was a girl i went to high school with and thought she was hot. short and big tits. so I quick made a fake email account and stole some pics from a random myspace and pretended to be a chick interested in a 3way with them. after some back and forth 9im oviously talking to just the boyfriend) he sends me pics of her blowing him. i couldn't see her goods so i kept at it. saying shit like i like her body, how's her boobs look, is she shaved, ect ect. after a few more aggressive request for full naked body shots of her he started to get suspicious and asked to talk over the phone. I had to think quick and make an excuse and keep trying to get those naked pics. he finally called me out on being a dude trying to get pics. i since lost the pics of her with a hog in her mouth cheeks sucked in like she was sucking hard on that thing. I just recently found her on facebook and she still looks good. I still troll craigslist hoping she might be up to her old antics.

>>723495341
I mean I guess.

got fucked in the ass yesterday by a ugly shemale

>>723496085
Now that's just clever

>>723496108
Meth ?

Fags

>>723484519
>>723485039
>>723484634
>>723485031
Fuck, what did I miss?

i got a program that let 's you view iphone backups and i do computer work on the side for firends,family,neighbors and such. even though their computers are free of dirty shit the iphone backups are always full of wins. i finally got to see girls naked I've wanted to see for a long time. your shitty iphone gives me all your secrets

>>723485557

>>Let me rearrange that for you.

He died front this fucking.

>>723487547
Definitely not me. Luring and then nutting on defenseless little birds is super weird and a little creepy. I wait until after the bird is dead to begin sexually molesting the thing. It’s more humane that way, not to mention you get to eat it afterwards. I actually have a pretty good recipe to share (kids: get your parent’s permission before attempting).
You’ll need to purchase a whole chicken. They run around $0.99 a pound where I’m from, so they won’t put a strain on the wallet. You want to pat the chicken dry with some paper towels.
Then come the seasonings. It’s important to not go overboard. Making tasty roast chicken is a lot like putting the wood to a Dutch girl. No need to get fancy since it’s pretty good as is. So keep it simple: salt, pepper, sage, and thyme.
Next up, stuff your chicken’s cavity. A lot of people ask me if this hurts the bird. Well, it shouldn’t, unless of course the bird is still alive. If that’s the case, it means the person has a fundamental misunderstanding of the culinary arts. Make sure the poultry is no longer alive before preparing it. It is literally the first rule of cooking (the second rule is don’t eat children).
Pack your dead chicken’s butt cavity with stuffing and some lemon slices. That brings up another question I get asked a lot: “Why lemon slices, Vargas?” My usual response is “Why the fuck not?”
Finally – and I swear I’m not making this up – rub the chicken inside and out with mayonnaise. None of that fake-ass Miracle Whip bullshit, either. That stuff tastes like it was originally developed to be a deterrent for dogs that lick their furry nutsacks too much. It’s Hellman’s or gtfo. The mayo adds a little tang, but more importantly, it keeps your chicken nice and moist. That will be important later on. Trust me, having the bird go dry on you is no fun at all.

>>723487547
Place the prepped chicken in a paper bag and throw it into a 425 oven for about an hour and a half. No, it won’t catch on fire. Didn’t you read Fahrenheit 451, you philistine? That was the temperature at which paper burns. Also, the whole thing was an allegory regarding our struggle with the metric system.
The chicken is done if the juices run clear when you cut between a leg and a thigh. The leg and thigh of the chicken, that is, not your own. If you do happen to cut yourself there and your juices run clear, it means you’re a replicant and need not worry about chicken or sex or the metric system or even ejaculating on pigeons.
Let the bird get down to a cozy 150 F before sliding your greasy little weasel inside its back end. Within a few minutes, your body should spew forth more seed than a bird feeder in which someone set off a firecracker. When this happens, try to shoot it into a saucepan. Take some of the liquid that’s in the roasting pan with the chicken and add it to your love juice. Simmer slowly for a few minutes and you’ve got yourself a wonderfully lumpy gravy that is 100% gluten free.

jerked off in a pool while a mother was watching me with worried expression

>>723489721
>>723489166>>723488588

thisi is just a copypasta

>>723497264
Do I look like someone who fucks chickens to you ?

Well maybe not you, but that boy seems sexually frustrated.

>>723496729
That's awesome.

>>723483323
Get out with your filthy frank delusions you faggot

Holded hands for 3 seconds with a female classmate back in middleschool

>>723487989
36 and yea

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>>723482244
Jerked off in public places when I was a teen. Would go to places with a single occupant bathroom sometimes a dressing room. Just blow my load on the floor and leave. Nowhere was safe. Something about someone having to clean up my jizz. Hoping it'd be someone observant who'd notice and have to sit there and wonder who the fuck jizzed in the Dairy Queen bathroom.

>>723495837
Autist here, whats CS and CC? File types by any chance?

>>723485106
You sick fuck

Fucked myself in the ass with my mums and apparently dads dildo, these were two separate events. I felt my friends dick and started to jack him off in his sleep when we were sleeping in the same bed and we were both drunk and he was passed out.

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>>723482244
when I was in 6th grade (maybe 7th) I slept over at my friends house. the next day after his parents had gone to work he got in the shower and I was getting ready to leave. before I left though I walked into his parents room and found his mom's panties and took a pair. later that day I stroked my dick with them and came all over them. other than that I've always tried to take creep shots

>>723485175
>tfw he thought fucking a horse was the only rational thing to do because a motorcycle accident caused his nerves to be incredibly resilient to stimuli so you kinda sympathize
>mfw I have no face