Itt we act like in an office

>>723354954
I don't want to

>>723354988
shitters blocked again

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I brought fruit to share

>>723354954
hey OP, did you get that memo?

Where the fuck is Dave? Dickhead's always late

Guys, I don't know if you got the memo, but we're putting cover sheets on all our TPS reports now, so if you could do that for me, that'd be great.

>>723355206
Oh no! It was for you!?

Guys, why do my stapler smells like shit?

WHO THE FUCK ATE MY PUDDING!? It's the 3rd time this week!

>>723355546
Hehehe

>>723354954
printers jammed

I just came all over my teddybear tie

>>723356303
Fired!

>>723355133
John how many times did I tell you that sausages aren't veggies!

>>723354954
who shited in every cup in the kitchen?

Hey guys! When the coffeemaker is empty you fill it up! Okay? No one likes it when that shit is gone!

So how was your weekend Johnson?

Printers not working again dang it!

>>723357027
Spent it with another Johnson, if you know what I mean.

>>723354954
Hey can you guys keep it down? I'm on a call here

>>723357062
Faggot.

>>723357094
Nobody cares about your mother calling you

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>>723354954
Hey guys. I brought some donuts. Who want some?

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>>723358076
hello pretty woman! give me sex woman!

Oh well
Lunch time

Hey Ted, what day is it today, the 11th? Shit, I gotta get those reports sent out before 9:00. I only have about 15 minutes.

Weird, that plane is flying awfully low...

They call me blarg stealer of lunches

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>>723354954
Great! Time for lunch with my two best friends!

>come in late
>do not much
>long lunch
>do not much more
>leave early

Used to have a job like that. Good times. Won't ever happen again.

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Doing good guys, keep it up and we may make it to the bonus this month.

i stapled my foreskin to the desk as a joke but now it's stuck and i can't get it CAN I BORROW YOUR SCISSORS?

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>>723361708

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How do you guys like my new mousepad?

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>>723355031
That's what she said.

>>723358399
Sexual harassment you are fired mohammed!

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new card. what do you think?

>>723362291
hey woah woah... that guys Muslim we cant fire him. That'll soil our image

Who the hell stuffed three whole watermelons and a bucket of KFC in the break room fridge?

>>723355133
this looks familiar

>>723362326
nice, really nice

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>>723362413
That would be the new intern I guess

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>>723362326

The brass wants us to focus on quality assurance guys so if you'd all read up on ISO 9000 that's be great.

>>723362387
Trump's president and he'll come over in a few days if he sees one he will fuck our business

God damn it, Mike's got his dick stuck in the fax machine again. HR really needs to stop hiring special needs just for the publicity.

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>>723358076
Keep your tits out of the doughnuts Jan

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>>723362326

The SEC is riding my ass again for those excel back-ups, what is IT doing? Those fucking nerds can't do anything.

Oookay, boss here everybody please sit down, I have bad news...

As the last quartal didn't go well the HQ told me to fire 3 people of my section I am going to select them on the amount of hours they have lost, on their work, social skills and clients they convinced.
Deadline next week

DAMMIT JOHNSON, I NEEDED THOSE TPS REPORTS AN HOUR AGO!

who the hell stole my mice

I have a confession....I shat in the copier

>>723364255
Tom I'm glad u confessed it

>>723364255
But please consider using the toilet next time

>>723364255
THIS IS THE GUY WHO SUCKED MY DICK

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>>723362291
come on mister chef! woman show me big breast she want my hard curryroll! home in india we no have so beautiful woman

>>723364721
Mohammed in my office in 5min.

Btw I am still waiting for the TPS report...

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>>723364949
but chef me no want to fuck you! i want sex with big breast donut lady! not you!

>>723355557
I confess
It was jose that mexican fuck

>>723365041
Mohammed go back to work we'll talk later about you behavior..

*speedwalks from warehouse to shop*

*speedwalks from shop to warehouse*

*speedwalks from warehouse to shop with a file*

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>>723365898
got it boss!

I am legitimately in an office right now. AMA.

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Wha.. what you mean I can't drink "hic" drink on work hours?
Fu "hic".. Fuck you.

>>723366294
How many cups of coffee have you had?

>>723366331
*shakes head and speedwalks to HR*

>>723366294
You probably shouldn't be browsing 4chan, or at least /b/

>>723354954
>keep waiting for nobody to look at me while I continue to fart as quietly as possible

>>723366364
two, but I go to the coffee machine and mash the '2 x espresso' button until the cup is full.

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Anons, the company is going under, first person to think of an idea to save our asses gets to be vice president.

>>723366500
*teleports behind you*

>>723366543
Fire the niggers and OP.

>>723366456
its safe don't worry

>>723366620
4chan HQ offices?

>>723362387
He's a Hindu

>>723366656
There is a starbucks near the office I hop on their wifi when I feel bored.

>>723366543
Sir, how about I suck your dick?

>>723366656
I'm the network guy, I route the traffic and all reports on internet usage come from me.

>>723366736
Cool. I want to be a lazy sysadmin myself one day.

>>723366500
Did someone just fart?

>>723366736
Plz don't share my usage for the past 14 minutes, I owe you a beer!

>>723366837
dying career, get in while you can. it's a good life.

learn *nix networking and routing. windows guys will come with a problem that'd take a day to figure out and you can do it in 5 mins.

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Someone spiked the water cooler with PCP again

>>723366294
Where the fuck is Dave? Also, I'm gonna need the Jenkins account files on my desk within the hour.

>>723366838
You smell that, too? Geez... it totally wasn't me.

>>723367263
*speedwalks past your desk with the Jenkins account files*

>>723367109
*hands the Jenkins account files to the PCP druggo*

>>723366894
its ok, i turned off the logging to use the compliance server as a minecraft server

>>723367263
you can access the live state of the jenkins system from the intranet. just pull up the homepage and scroll down to 'internal resources'. It's currently managed by the egypt team, so answers may be delayed.

That moment when you are actually in an office but posting on 4chan.

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>>723366736
gm, give plz, have gud day,

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>>723354954
Alright everyone, I brought the donut holes. Now, I only have a limited number, so try not to take more than three. And PLEASE use the napkins.

>>723367668
if 'admin' doesn't work, try 'admin2'. we had a thing where it didn't like using our usual pass so a lot of them are different

>>723367479
Didn't it get transferred back to /b/ because the Egyptians all join ISIS?

>>723367794
there were some early complaints but we don't discriminate on ideologies. As long as they pay attention to their training they will not mention any religious or political leanings. if they do, get a UID and report them to HQ and they'll be put under performance management.

Where the fuck is John ? I've been waiting this fucking delivery truck for 3 days.
This asshole's gonna get fired soon if he keeps doing that every month

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....yep

Hey guys - all the other startups are laughing about us because we don't have a catchy slogan or media presence. I'd suggest launching a /b/corp social media campain aimed at the millenial demographic. I've prepared a presentation on a topic I've found to be immensely popular with this clientel. It's called mem-e's and increses market penetratation by up to 0.9001%

>>723368016
I saw john napping under his desk again. He was drunk as heck.

When do we have break again?

>>723366331
>>723368159

Well, he deserved a shot of amphetamines and a kick to the balls to wake him up. There's puke all over his keyboard ... again.

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>>723368100
Great, lets get our test millennial in here.

Come on guys, who the fuck thought it would be funny to download hardcore hentai on my computer?

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>>723368541
Taint a boiler nor a toilet

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>>723368536
Alright. Please tell me how you feel about this image-macro on a scale from 1 to 10

>>723368970
Lol /b/? thats like an old people thing right?

>>723368970
>*autistic screeching*

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>>723369281
>>723369293
How does this grab ya?

>Starts microwaving his curry rice and fish in the lunch room

BOY AM I HUNGRY

>arrive late
>noone cares cause I look good so people just like me anyway
>talk to some random people
>hows that thing going?
>no fucking idea what I'm talking about
>they think I do
>grab a file feom someones desk so I'll look like I'm working
>drops it off at another random desk
>goes to lunch
>back at it
>see the boss
>talk to Patrick seeing if he needs help, I'm showing initiative
>bitch knows he's on his own
>boss leaves with a smile, remarking how we are all lucky that I'm working there
>I'll have his job in a year
>then I'll demote him to something utterly pathetic because why not
>go home

Damn it feels good being me

>>723369545
See, this is why Hans wasn't "just /pol/ leaking" maybe converting the old showers into a gas chamber isn't so stupid.

>>723366510
That sounds dangerous desu.

>>723367335
I hope so
Man rotten eggs eww... WHAT DO YOU EAT GUYS!?

>>723367694
*takes 4 *

>>723370281
Sorry sir we're gonna have to let you go