>ITT we pretend to be Americans

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>>723041376
>Be merican(the best fukin nation on the planet)
>Wake to national anthem
>roll of the bed
>Hit the floor
>*thud*
>Smells bacon through the hardwood floor made 100% in america™
>Rolls down stairs
>*thud* *thud* *thud* *thud*
>Moms cooking bacon
>sit on the table
>Realise its turkey bacon
>*imported from canada*
>Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>Drop kick mom
>"PLEASE FORGIVE ME ANON THEY WERE ALL OUT OF BACON I SWEAR!"
>"How dare you do this to your little boy"
>Pulls down pants
>This is what you get stupied bitch
>*baaaaaaarrrrppp*
>Watery shit all over moms face
>Mom's screaming and crying
>Rub shit filled ass on mommy
>Mommy passes out
>Chow down on the shit that mom made
>Tears run down my cheeks as I chew on this abomination of imported bacon
>Forgive me forefathers for I have dishonored you by consuming the sustenance manufactured in another nation other than this one
>Go to 4chan
>Shitpost on /pol/ about how immigrants are stealing our jobs

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>>723041376
build it

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>>723041376
>Be burger
>roll off of my double-kingsize bed, slip on my crocs
>bathe in my xtrasize jumbo shower™
>drop my bigmac on the shower, cry
>get down for breakfast on my stairlevator™
>mom made bacon and pancakes, tip mom
>sing the national anthem before eating
>pour half a gallon of high fructose syrup on cardboard tasting pancakes (no maple syrup, ‘cause fuck Canada).
>add 1 ounce of “I can’t believe it’s not butter” because never learned a reasonable standard international unit, so must use ounces like a retarded kid making up measurements
>Go to school, tip teacher
>Sing national Anthem, get frisked for guns before going to class
>1 hours of pep rally for big game, tip cheerleaders
>2 hours of learning about creationism
> 1 hour of being molested by priests

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>>723041931
>returns home after being molested
>Hear gunshots
>kid with giant assault rifle going nuts MGMT.mp3
>third time this week
>mental note to tip the teachers extra to make sure they are frisking everybody
>police arrives eating donuts on mobility scooters
> they kill shooter, plus 3 or 4 black kids from the neighborhood
> police officers automatically acquitted, because black kids looked dangerous
>tip cops, sing national anthem while they get their medals
>go back home, can’t eat tacos ‘cause they are too expensive (we needed that money to build a wall)
>get 4th mortgage on the same house
>watch as housing and credit markets collapse causing worldwide chaos
>buy tacos
>try to play fetch with my dog
>We both have heart attacks
>Get taken to hospital
>doctor is an Indian man, named Suresh
> my father complains Suresh is staling all the jobs
> father tells me that being schooled doesn’t mean being intelligent
> believe him, he is always employee of the month in Walmart
> tip Suresh
>get taken home, tip the ambulance guys
>MFW when 700,000.00 dollars bill arrives.
>Thank God we got rid of Obamacare.
>try to watch the news, but president Trump prohibited the news to transmit news
>end up watching 3 hours of Keeping up with the Kardashians
>next day go back to school
>have a surprise test on my American culture class!
>gonnafailthissohard.jpeg
>mfw the test is all about the Kardashians
> Ace test
>go back home
>make a thread praising Trump on 4chan
>itwasagoodday.txt

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>>723041376
Average white American

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>>723041376
When burger meets europeans

>>723041376
Bump