ITT: We share true things we've done that nobody would believe.

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>>722979517

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a cute clown girl gave me a hand job at the county fair.

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I once won a free Nintendo DS plus Pokemon Black at Video Games Live.

Socially awkward gamer nerd got to go up on stage with Tommy Tallarico and graciously accept his gift.

Still get a little anxious when I think about it.

>>722979517
Garth Brooks?

became a shut-in in 2002 and havent made any friends since

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I had a hot chick take interest in me. So stunned i forgot to tell her my name or number. She gave me her number and said to call her but i walked away and ended up 2 miles from my school and missed my class before i came back to reality.

Mfw that could have been my best chance ever for a hot gf

>>722979517
Naomi Judd

>>722979517
For about 4 months I dated and fucked a supermodel. Even took her virginity. Unfortunately, I don't even bother telling anyone because I know nobody would believe me. Fortunately, it happened and I can enjoy the memory.

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>>722982493
just tell us who

i doubt anyone will find out who you are

>>722979517
Rita

>>722979517
got into Nintendo Power when I was 8 for getting the top 3rd highest score for Top Gun on the NES.

I killed a man with throwing knives.

i dated the president of a prison gang.

and then cheated on her with her mom.

I am deputy leader of a country. I'm currently researching 4chan because we may be passing a law that affects websites like this one.

>>722985117
Hi Mike, why don't you tweet?

>>722981807
What do you mean? If you had her number why didn't you call?

>>722985117
What law could affect 4chan?

>>722979517
Brittney Spears

>>722985569

A government block if the owners of the website fail to keep certain topics off their website. Topics such as drug use, suicide etc.

>>722979517
Got kicked out of prison for organizing the other inmates to fight for better conditions. Ran for public office (unsuccessfully). Hosted two different radio shows. Made the front page of every newspaper in the country. Was professionally published. Have a Wikipedia article about me. Smoke a pipe. Wear a fedora -- and look good in it.

I stole a penny from a tray at the gas station.

>>722985901
kek good luck

>>722986062
Pay them back, it's the only way to save your soul.

>>722986052
Nelson Mandela?

>>722985901
What good is that supposed to do?
Censorship never solved any legitimate problem.
And trying to recruit private citizens as (internet)police doesn't sound very sensible.

Btw. you can forget about such a law. Fuckbook e.g. doesn't respect any local laws.
They promote hatespeech but censor comics.

>>722979517
>I won an Xbox from taco bells "win it before you can buy it" promo
>I was the 4th highest ranked DK on the draka server for two years after wotlk came out
>I spent a year in Guatemala getting paid to clean hospitals and guard college kids

Nothing that fantastic. But I was pretty stoked about winning that xbox when I was a kid.

>>722986052
I know you, you're that Canadian who claims to be famous on threads you start, then you tell 4chan who you are and nobody gives a fuck

>>722986835
I've never claimed to be famous. The bar for Wikipedia notability is pretty low. And I'm more infamous than famous anyway.

>>722979517
i once punched a cab driver in the face as a teenager because i didn't have any money.
ran away afterwards and hid in the brush near my house for an hour.

cabs are expensive where i live.

>>722987021

faggot.

>>722982493

>supermodel
>virgin

i never had gf or sex

>>722987021
No one cares

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>>722987161
You say that like it's a bad thing.

>>722987816
You must be new here

>>722987021
Sorry man you're not infamous, that implies people know who the fuck you are. No one ever does in the threads you make, sucks bro but few people get to be famous or "infamous". Hope you are able to unionize those panhandlers or street performers in Quebec or wherever the fuck you are bro

>>722979517
Dolly Parton?

>>722986637

I understand your concern but our country has seen a surge in drugs and suicide (among other things) in past years. Our party is looking at what we can do to reduce promotion and 'how to guides' of illicit actives.

>>722987982
everyone on here is a fag of some kind
drawfag
medfag
oldfag
newfag
that's species of 4chan

>>722982493
No such thing as a virgin supermodel.

They have to fuck in order to become supermodels

>>722986052
This is sounding familiar to me. More details or just give a name

>>722988177
Wisdom.

I masturbate in public. Have done so at the local park, at the beach, at the cemetery, at my uni in a classroom and in the library. Get a hankering to do so maybe once or twice a year.

>>722980591
you guessed it, anon!

a winner is you

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>>722988041
I was on the cover of every newspaper in the country last year and had some rather insulting editorials written about me. I think that qualifies as infamous.

>>722988188
Pic related: me.

>>722988334
Well you look like a right cunt

>>722985499
Lost it. Probably dropped it walking.

Im so ashamed.......

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>>722988469
Thanks, I try.

>>722988160
Wouldn't it be better to try to reduce drug abuse and suicides?

>>722988334
Eh pic means nothing to me, probably not what/who I'm thinking of. Who reads the paper these days anyhow?

>>722979517
Shaman's Harvest

>>722988334
Yea man you're the Che Guevara of stretch performers. All I know is no one ever knows who you are in your threads

>>722979517
Once saw guy who was supposed to deliver my pizza shot in the head.

It was also christmas

>>722988334

Cringelord Supreme that fights for peoples ability to be useless pieces of societal trash has arrived. Reverse image search, found he was the organizer of a panhandlers union, eg the spokesmen for useless meatbags.

You definitely need that fedora. A SJW for the homeless.

>>722988290
So it was an all gay gangbang then.

>>722988160
You gotta be realistic though, anything to do with censoring the internet or trying to control content will not work. The most practical option would be to allow a how to suicide guide using illicit drugs, that way you can at least reduce and combine those two particular statistics. Baby steps man

>>722988826

Man that sucks.

Bet you were hungry what did you end up eating.

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>>722988757
I have no idea what fucking threads you're talking about. I come here once every few months, get called a liar by cancerous white suburban teenyboppers when I mention anything about my life, and end up having to out myself.

>>722988828
If I'm pissing the slackjawed Trumplorables off, I must be doing something right.

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had sex with both my wifes mother and younger sister

>>722988625

We already have laws to combat those but we are looking at other angles.

>>722989066
I managed to snatch the pizza before the cops arrived.

>>722989091
She seems to come from a great family.

>>722989066
We baked cookies and ate my.Christmas present (5 pounds of insanely sharp english white)

>>722989157

Dangerous shit you could have ended up being the suspected who did not want to pay for his pizza.

>>722989157
Kek, i wish i couldve done that anon

>>722989067

Not a Trump supporter. I just have known enough homeless people to know that a fucking union for shitbags is laughable, as is your notoriety.

You'll end up OD'ing or just riding the fringe of society until the memory of you fades into the void where it belongs.

Suck on your phallic object and pretend like you're helping lazy fucks that wont lift themselves out of poverty.

I pilot drones and launch air strikes that kill people that aren't always the intended target.

>>722989067

"having to out myself"

flaunting a single wiki link to be like, oh they found out who i am again darn I really need these internet teens to like me better prove im google-able

>>722989421
US government?

>>722989094
>laws to combat those
kek
Combat the drug abusers/depressed people or the problems?
Let me guess, like the american "war on drugs"?

Seriously, why don't you try to help the people in need instead of trying to suppress information?

Concerning drugs you might learn from the netherlands or switzerland.

Concerning suicide you should try to install suicide hotlines, free healthcare...

I shat myself at my own wedding, and because of the countries smell, i was able to play it off that it wasnt me

>>722988160
people are taking drugs and killing themselves. any solutions? i have one! lets make them stop talking about it. if noone talks about it - there is no problem!

>>722979517
I (as a skinny 16 year old) took the head cheerleader away from the biggest black kid football player in our school. We were only together for 4 months but damn was it nice. She finally broke up with me because of my insecurities and I've only went downhill since.

>>722989305
Could have got yourself shot

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>>722979517

I killed a cat when I was a kid then tried to give it CPR.
When that didn't work I threw it in the field so my dad wouldn't find it.

>>722979517
I killed someone when I was a kid on accident and never got caught.

>>722989421
>kill people that aren't always the intended target
That's a Trumphemism

How do you feel about killing (innocent) people for a living?

>>722989619
>Implying i dont wish for death everyday due to the pizza i lost that foggy Christmas eve

>>722989622
How'd you kill it? Did you get sick after attempting cpr?

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>>722989335
>lift themselves out of poverty
Overprivileged suburban teenybopper detected. I am currently renovating an old building to act as a cultural centre to celebrate the hobo arts, where we offer free classes in traditional hobo skills such as busking, whittling, fortune telling, and making folk are from found materials. In other words, we teach people how to turn an income on the street. But then, you've never had to scratch to survive, so you have no appreciation for *actual* work.

Pic related: My current project, the Utah Phillips Centre for the Hobo Arts.

>>722979517
Wouldn't those be placed the other way? On the train tracks

>>722989697
The paycheck is big enough. I don't give a shit.

>>722989562
>i was able to play it off
Are you sure about that?
And why did you shit yourself? Out of fear?

>Hooked up with dove cameron in highschool twice

>>722989644
What did you do?

>>722989698
Don't blame it on the pizza.

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>>722979517

You've just been visited by the salty hairy pedo sped of /b/. Autism and lack of YouTube fame will come to you unless you comment "you're autistic and your videos are shit" on this video. There are no immunities.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xeYfX1gIha8

>>722979517

Me and my friend prank called a random japanese number when we were smashed and became friends with the guy we called.

>>722989067
Lol I was rooting for you with that one dude saying he knew you. Dude you brag online about shit no one cares about, I've definitely seen one or 2 threads you've made about it. Also you don't out yourself you bring up details about your life at the drop of a hat (fedora) and feel some strange need to substantiate your claims to strangers on the Internet when no one cares

>>722989810
So obviously for you the virtualization of killing and shared responsibility for your deeds works.

>>722989094
You do realize people don't come here to do drugs and commit suicide right? They come to express their problems that they cannot say to other people and we encourage them to not off themselves. If they decide to do it we encourage it on webcam so we can call local authorities and give real time updates. By blocking 4chan you are literally making things worse without realizing it. You do realize we have saved a lot of peoples lives before right?

>>722979517
I'm really a normie.

>>722989866
We were climbing on this high ravine thing and I grabbed his shoulder to scare him, he lost his footing and fell far... I ran away and didn't even see if he was alive. I was 10 and he was a similar age. I just pretended I wasn't there. No one knows.

>>722979517
I've got a handjob from Donald J Trump when we was in military school

>>722989091
Hey Dave.

Check em

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>>722990077
what are you doing here?

>>722989835
This was 15 years ago, and we had the wedding in india (wifes idea, she was a hippy broad) and we were there a week before the wedding to set up, and i caught a stomach parasite cause its fucking india. I had been shitting nonstop since day 2, and on the wedding day, i gambled on a fart and lost. I waddled over to the elephant we rented and stood there as it shat, pretending like i was waiting for a photographer to get a picture. People kept saying "johnny, you shouldnt have stood near that elephant you smell like shit" and i kept sayimg yeah i know, i know.

Then to cover up some more i "accidentally" fell into some standing water during the reception, so i had excuse to change

>>722990048
>You do realize we have saved a lot of peoples lives before right?
Which actually amazes me about /b/!
(not the adressed anon)

>>722990045
Obviously.
It's much different went you have thousands of miles between you, and you've got hundreds of government workers telling you how great of a job you're doing.
On top of that, I make commission on how many targets are eliminated. I think of it as a video game.

>>722989768

Teaching those too dumb to be taught how to hustle.

I am a 30 year old man from Appalachia that was raised poor as fuckin' dirt white trash that lifted myself out of that with an education and a decent upbringing from two hardworking parents. I scratched more than youll know to be a contributing member of society.

You are a shyster teaching fucking scum to hustle like its a job and not just a way to score drug and beer money.

Die in the gutters away from the decent people where no one will miss you, because you've probably stole from every family member, you fucking retard.

>>722990077
Me too bruh. Girlfriend I'm happy with and 2 kids. 36 years old

>>722989938
Endearing

Good on ya, mate

>>722990121
So did a lot of other dudes.

>>722990114
How do you know it's not alive?

My family, the people I went to school with...Everybody I grew up around probably thinks I'm dead. For all intents and purposes, that version of me may as well be.

Growing up in a house with a heavily alcoholic father who liked to be emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me for any perceived failure, and a mother who lived on prescription painkillers and cheap wine and found this all hilariously funny, my childhood couldn't exactly be called a nurturing environment.

Three weeks from turning 16, I emptied a cash jar in the house, snuck onto a train and hid in the bathroom until a random stop...I did this again and again for two days all over the UK.

For the next two years I jumped around the UK and Europe, working cash in hand jobs for whoever would take me. If you're asking for little enough, shitwork is easy to get. Pretty much everything I could save was saved until, on my 18th birthday, I changed my name officially.

Anyway, 19-year-old me had recently changed name again, this time to something far more feminine as I chased the HRT dream, working as a school cleaner and in a dingy pub, ran into the person who changed my life. This woman and I ended up talking for two hours after the pub had closed, and she made me an offer. Come with her back to London and get a much better job. I was feeling impulsive, and agreed.

For six years, I've done as I'm told, and in return Mistress buys me pretty clothes, food, gives me a place to live, and I genuinely adore it and Her alike. Some may think of it as being some kind of slave, but no slave is this well treated. I'm treated more like a pet, I think. I mean, it's lonely here when Mistress is away on business and I really do miss her when she's gone like this week, but it could always be worse. Oddly, I feel more free now than I ever did.

tldr: Almost 10 years ago, I probably put my genetic donors through untold misery and stress, went on an adventure, and I'm happier than ever because of it.
Karma's a bitch.

Just last week I masturbated in a parking lot

>>722990382
>stole from every family member
Mmmm, smells like projection. Growing up poor and internalizing all that poor-hate must really have fucked you up. Fortunately I'm here to make sure no one else makes your mistake. I help foster a spirit of self-respect, mutualism, and independence among people who would otherwise be victims of the bourgeoisie.

>>722990528
[X] Doubt

>>722979517
Dated a 12 year old when I was 23.

Dated her for 7 years then married her.

Still married to her and we have 2 children.

We were sexual from day 1.

It was her idea.

Her parents are the only ones who know, but they are scumbag drug addicts who don't give a fuck because I have money.

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>>722990261
Sounds like you dealt with it quite well.
Still probably not the best day of you're life, or was it?

>>722990246
For the kek's and porn.
Same as a lot of people.

>>722990528

This sounds like a mentally ill fantasy from a trap who wasnt manly enough to satisfy their dad's want to have a boy that wasnt a weak little bitch child.

If its true, post mistresses body.

>>722990528
Confession time, I cannot be bothered to read all this shit.

>>722979517
>had so many chances to fuck plenty of women in high school
>turned all but one down
>now I fuck her and her little sis on the reg

>was molested by my older sister and her friends
>fucked my younger cousin
>have a 7" X 6" cock
>own my own business and im in my early 20s


yeah idk theres more but w/e

>>722990659
That was some jew director or something, tell which one I forget.

>>722990635

Never stole a dime in my life. Because I actually have some principles and honor unlike your kind.

Your projects will fail within two years due to the targeted demo. And you'll deserve your eventual spiral into suicide or drugs.

>>722990662
It was the absolute worst week of my life. We flew back to the uk before the honeymoon, i had to stay in hospital for the stomach parasite, cause i had started to shit blood (it was just related to my ulcer at that point, lucky for me)

To this day, if i see an indian, or smell their food, i get flashbacks like an American when you mention vietnam.

Grainy black and white memories of me holding a toilet like there is a rocket in my ass about to send me into orbit. Blood covered Polaroid of me looking "happy" beside my inlaws with a fat sack of shit in my pants.

Fuck india, forever

>>722989768
Protip: nobody gives a fuck about the hobo arts.
There's a reason we cross to the other side of the street if possible. It's because they smell terrible and start shouting unintelligible shit at you.

Society is a competition. Survival of the fittest. I think we should further the species, not hinder it.

>>722990518
2 days later it was all over the news. They thought he just fell. What makes me feel bad is maybe if I would have went for help... Maybe the initial fall didn't kill him ... He is dead though. It still bothers me and it happened 30 years ago.

>>722990966

Finally a motherfucker that agrees.

>>722990528
Do you satisfy your mistresses needs?

>>722990372
>I think of it as a video game.
So do most operators, apparently. And being treated almost like flying personell doesn't hurt the ego either I guess.
But drone warfare is a dirty business.
That it makes killing people easy and does not weight on the consciousness of those involved, is scarry and horrible.
Not blaming you though.

>>722990962
Does your wife know you shit your pants?

me and my bio dad masturbate together. first time it happened i was 22yo. we got a bit drunk in the sauna at his place and got on the topic of size. (mine is big flacid and his wasnt) but we had this long converation about him insisting beeing 18 cm. after long time laughing he started tugging it as we spoke about other stuff and suddently said ^now look, i told you so^. i told him he actually was bigger than me.. so i didnt tug my own to beat him, now it was more like just for funs.. so yeah.. after a while we werre actually masturbating together. now im 35yo, we are both married and 2 years ago was last time at a hunting trip. no one else knows.

i am also the only one i i have heard of who do this with dad :P

>>722989091
Tell us more. Who was the best fuck?

>>722990835
I don't know, but you can bet it happens a lot more than most people think.

There are families that sell their own daughters for this kind of shit.

That's not what happened in my case. For me, my best friend happened to be dating the sister (who actually was 18).
Eventually, I met her and started hanging around when I could.

After about a week I was over and her parents left to go to some auction or some shit. They left me, a 23 year old man they had only known for like a month, alone with their daughter.

We had sex that night. Shit parents didn't even come home until like 3am the next day. Saw I was still there and didn't even say shit.

>>722991209
Thats fucking weird

>>722991190
Hell no. She was a hippy (and partially still is) so shed be telling this to people in person as a "teaching moment" about making the best of a bad situation. I dont need my neighbors knowing my vietnam. I love my wife, but she doesnt understand why people keep things private

>>722989768
So the idea is to keep alive and improve the ability to live on the streets rather than to get off the streets? What the fuck. I get that we need society and civilization to continue our species but this is the kind of shit that sets us backwards. We are weaker as a whole since we can't let such useless people starve and die like they deserve to. And no, I'm not a "suburban teeny bopper"

>>722991327
Woody allen

>>722987021
If you didnt say fedora i wouldve guessed martin shkreli

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>>722990850
Madness, failure, addiction, and suicide had better hurry, then, because I'm 48 years old and I've been organizing radical street unions, setting up copwatch programs, and successfully fighting police, politicians, and shitbag capitalists for the last 25 years.

I find most forms of verbal communication disgusting because I constantly witness someone's intentions in their nuances of tone of voice and body language, whether I'm right or not about their intent, it still disgusts me.

>>722991639
You disgust me

I fucked Winona Ryder at a party in Laurel Canyon

>>722991209
Fucking Fins.

>>722991639
You sound like you have schizophrenia.
Do you also believe people have alternative meanings to the words they speak to you?

>>722991717
Why?

>>722988334
notch?

>>722991639
This so hard

>>722991780
I may have used to think that, but I don't anymore.

>>722991335
i know. but for us it has become normal. it was weird at first but i mean... after like 10 seconds it is seen. none of us has much time, our wives not as sexual active as we want. and at is kind of a bonding thing too. would´nt change it. its unharmful fun.

>>722991897
I had both those problems and it was a symptom of schizophrenia.
You should get that checked, no asshole implications

>>722991780
Well now that I think about it probably, but I don't actively change what I believe while they are talking anymore.

>>722979517
I slept with Joni Mitchell in 85/86

Most beautiful looking breasts ever

>>722991740
How long ago? Was it around the time she was stealing and shit?

>>722991771
from sweeden. actually.

>>722992083
Mate, stop jerking off your dad and fox your country

>>722988160
Lurk moar, narc.

Extreme social anxiety, no job, no friends. No reason to leave house. Too young to be expected to live and do everything on my own, too old to have no responsibilities and not benefit society in any way. Wasting the time and money of others, not sure what to do with myself. Haven't left the house since last October

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>>722991209
You are creepy!

>>722979517
>>fucked a girl that had hiv raw by accident when i was 17. didnt know she had hiv at the time and she died years ago from it. i never got it and have tested negative for it ever since.

that was 1997

>>722991044
lol wow you're a genuinely shitty person

>>722991827
Because as a human being who communicates verbally I apparently disgust you. I'm only reciprocating

>>722991386
fucking hippies
you should rape her and tell her it's a "teaching moment"

>>722979517
I went to this strip club when i was on a business trip up north.
Girl about 19 all over me saying she liked
my southern draw. Didn't buy a lap dance
She just flat out told me
>you are coming home with me tonight
Ok
Whythefucknot
She wasn't bad like a 7/10
I asked when she got off, she said she was
already done just waiting on her step mother
First thing i thought was he step mother was coming to get her
after like 15 min i asked where is your step mother
she said
>O she in the back giving a laptop dance its her last one
FUCKING MILF AF comes walking out
#winning
I didn't think at this point it was going to be anything from it just weird/un-usual
I follow them back to their house
Its a shit hole.jpg w/e
She starts blowing me in her room lights on door open
in walks her step mom and starts blowing me to
OMG I couldn't believe this was happening
They start kissing and getting it on
Step mom starts eatting her pussy, i put on condom and fuck the step mom from behind
Busted a nut, Left
She was amazing.

I don't think something like this will ever happen again

>>722992453
Eh, i dont have the piss or vinegar in me anymore to rape anyone except my liver.

I rape it daily, like the dirty slut it is.

>>722991993
everything everyone says to you has an alternate meaning.

ever heard of agendas or intentions? everyone has them and they involve lots of subtle manipulation.

being wise to that fact doesn't make you schizophrenic

>>722992545
I enjoyed these keks, anon

>>722992023
did you suck them milk duds like a starving baby?

>>722989157
was the pizza still hot?

>>722985901
I'm going to do a bunch of drugs and kill myself.
I'm going to buy illegal drugs and then murder myself.
I'm going to do those things because of this website. Plz shut it down.

>>722992382
Fuck man, he was 10 years old. I can't even count the stupid stuff I did at that age that could have killed me or a friend but by luck, ghet away with it

>>722992670
"Have a good day, anon, im sorry youve been down lately"
>shes secretly hoping i fail today
"Hey anon, i bought a cake for the office cause its johns birthday, see you in the breakroom?"
>this guy doesn't want me at johns birthday
"Do you know where the subway is?"
>Hes secretly trying to follow me

This is what i meant. You just have autism

i got in trouble when i was a teenager and they gave me a psych eval test to see if i was crazy... turns out i wasnt crazy, but i aced the iq part... they thought i cheated so they had me take other test... turns out i have a higher iq than einstien... think it just means im better at taking test

>>722992723
I did suck them. They had the most perfect shape Id seen, classic upturned with a cute mole under the nipple of one breast.

And freckles

>>722992025
1991 (while she was engaged to Johnny Depp)

>>722992812
Kids do stupid stuff all the time.
The rest of us never killed anyone though.
Maybe it's cause we're not pieces of shit, idk...

>>722992779
Kind of. The blood and brains that got splattered on the box kept it warm, I guess.

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>>722990966
I work with mentally ill homeless folks. You're being unnecessarily cruel. You believe laziness is the cause of their condition, but most are schizophrenic or bipolar or have experienced severe trauma and struggle with issues related to borderline personality disorder.
If you want to "strengthen the species" by getting rid of the weak, you fucking nazi, pray the day never comes where you're struck by some debilitating trauma. Or a loved one. Most are a couple paychecks away from disaster if serious illness or accident strikes.
You could be next!

>>722992985
whiteknight faggot
how many girls threw you in the friendzone before you just said fuck it and started trying to bang hobos?

>>722992985
> You are being unnecessarily cruel
What the fuck are you doing on this site?

>>722992919
I agree with this sentiment.

I once got a perfect 2000 score on a reading comprehension test (not a school test, a test to see how high your reading ability is) and it said "college level plus" reading ability

I literally figured out that the answers were in a pattern, not random

>>722992296
we never touch eachother. and its allways a good time. fun conversations and i guess the feeling of openess. has never felt wrong.

>>722992985
I'm enjoying this thread, everything is either funny or interesting until I accidentally start reading your shit.

Please stop posting, you are boring

>>722993182
>we never touch eachother
Doesn't matter
>has never felt wrong
That's what makes you creepy

>>722993182
What do you do with your step dad?

>>722993206
I pissed in my stepdads listerine for about 2 years straight. When i stopped, a few weeks after i heard him telling my mom that he doesnt like the new flavor of Listerine

>>722982493
kek ok

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>>722993131
There's an idea!
But then the STDs...
Karma's gonna get you, buddy. That hate you send out is coming back around.

>>722993342
I had a good laugh, thanks

>>722993442
Anytime buddy. If anyone deserves to gargle piss, its my stepdad

>>722979517
I have helped fly the biggest kite in the world.

>>722993432
Jesus Christ, are you real? You really don't belong here

>>722979517
I left a friend to die in a cave

>>722993540
I might be dyslexic, but i read that as "fry the biggest kike"

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>>722991596
we believe you

>>722993432
would it make you mad to know I've actually raped women before?

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>>722993206

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I once stuck my dick in pic related.

Probably the best pussy in my life, pretty sure I took her virginity

>>722993558
How come?

>>722992968
He never said he killed anyone. He said he startled someone and they fell.

>>722993634
I'd ask for greentext

I was pepper-sprayed by the police when I was like 6 / 7 years old lol

>>722993776
He was fucking my fiancee

>>722993765
Kek

>>722993634
Your Mom's female cat in heat doesn't count

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>>722993765
Whoot?
You fucked that fat dude?

>>722993334
he is not my step dad. he is my dad, and i wouldnt do anything more. i am truly straight for shure.

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>>722993555
Go fuck yourself, asswipe.
Tell me where I belong...
I tell you where to belong, bitch.

>>722993922
Both are dick moves.
What did you do to her?

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I had smallpox

>>722992144

if you want answers you tag the orig post. but im no were near jerking him. we just do it together.. i dont see it as a big deal.

>>722993960
You said bio father in your first post so I assumed you have a step dad because that info is superfluous.

So what do you do with your stepdad? Spitroast cheap hookers?

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>>722993797
Were you red pepper sprayed?

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>>722993960
>i am truly straight for shure

>>722993999
Well shit, I wanna argue but trips don't lie

>>722994161
i said bio fahter just to make clear that he is.. as i wrote. my bio dad and not like "dad".

my mom never remarried before she died.

>>722994235
Trip 9s don't count faggot

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>>722993540
This one. Guinness still lists one about 2,000 square feet smaller,because this one got damaged when they tried to fly it in front of Guinness reps to make it official, and it has not flown since for some odd reason.

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>>722993206
>>722993131
You realize you're not responding to me, right? I know the idea that not everyone on /b/ is a poor-hating sociopathic neanderthal must come as a shock to you, but apparently there's at least one other person in here who thinks it's okay to be not-privileged.

I am a male super model after a female super model fucked me.
guess who I am

>>722994405
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKYG9yfyTJ4

>>722994405
Breathing is a privilege considering the odds on anyone being here anyway.

It's a privilege that I urge you to shake off

>>722994058
I had to play it cool for a few weeks, a few police interviews later, she told me what she did. I called everything off, tried to make her want me back but she never did. shit sucks, man

>>722994405
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vifYelSTlMo

>>722994469
colin ferrell

>>722994561
What was your alibi?

And how did he die in a cave?

>>722994469
One of the Bogdanoffs

>>722990114
They do now. See you soon.

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>>722994561
Karma's a bitch!

>>722994469
Post picture of your pecs

>>722994211
i am. simple.

>>722979517
I was at Chic Fil A with my friend right before closing time and the famous hip hop artist Usher walked in with his security guards. He seemed wasted. He was singing very loudly about how good the chicken was in his amazing voice.

He asked how we were doing and was super polite.

So random..haha

>>722982493
at best she was a model. and in todays day and age that really means anyone with a cellphone and insta filters. gr8 generic fantasy of grandeur tho.

>>722988160
yeah, you should ban google. it's really worked well for other countries. while you're at it, ban curiosity and depression, and really never bother solving the real issues at hand.

>>722979517

Faith Hill

>>722990121
he went to military school? or did he just swing by and give handjobs to kids?

>>722988177
Not true, sometimes its just lesbian stuff. Some of them also just like to have anal with the girls for some reason

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>>722979517
tell me if one of the girls I banged is the girl you're talking about.

>be me, 8 years old with a general contract with the U.S. Government.
>Kill Pablo Escobar in 93
>Convince some video game company in California to change their name to Khaos.. then decide on Blizzard Entertainment later. War, The Devil, and Aliens.
>Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Connelly, Gillian Anderson, The Charmed Trio, Madonna, Geena Davis, Assorted porn chicks + a couple trannies(pussy is better IMO)

>>722990528
>cash in hand jobs
punctuation is important
>cash-in-hand jobs
>cash in hand-jobs

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>>722989094
>laws to combat depressed people
>combat depressed people
GRIT THOSE TEETH!

i lost my virginity when I was 13 and the chick was the same age. She was my buddy's fuck buddy and they had been fuck buddy for years!!!

I didnt cum :(

>>722987816
it is

>>722994686
There was this steep drop that you would not be able to get up w/o rappelling gear I snuck off with his bag (said I had to piss) and cut the rope from the belay, kept the rope and left. piled a few rocks and dirt around the entrance. it was a shame because the cave was fucking beautiful, and we spent a lot of time and work mining through this one wall. I ditched his bag in the woods in a nearby interstate.

Alibi: last time I saw him was at work before the weekend talking about a cave he'd found, made plans for the next week but he didn't come back to work on Monday. Almost screwed me over because they wanted to see my bag and tools they didn't notice the fray from the cut. it checked out because he had apparently told some workmates about a new cave and, aside from them, he was a pretty isolated dude. just his parents and a few of his past girlfriends knew he liked spelunking

>>722988334
People writing editorials about you in Canadian newspapers does not make you infamous. Infamous people are like bank robbers who got away with it and shit. Go do something with your life.

>>722979517
I regularly play video games on steam with my celebrity waifu. I'm pretty good at keeping my autism to myself as not to creep her out and ruin it.

>>722979517
Met michael Jordan at a gamestop. My grandma flirted with him

>>722995884
it is not. hey, the year 1856 called and want the mindset you stole from them back...

>>722989067
Kek at you trying to prove yourself to people on /b/ like anybody gives a shit. You just revealed your identity to me and I will completely forget you exist in about 5 minutes. I probably won't even remember you next time you make a thread so get ready for the same insults all over again.

>>722979517
>Is accused of taking a knife while in a ocd, control freak's house in foster care.
>Get sent to a mental hospital 28th of july
>Dumb bitch of a nurse comes in one day when I wake up to draw blood.
>Misses the vein, doesn't put the tourniquet on correctly.
>Leaves because she's an autistic cunt who apparently can't draw blood
>How the fuck is she a nurse
>Talk with my beefcake buddy at lunch
>Apparently tried to draw his blood too, but wiggled the needle and tore a blood vessel in his arm.
>He can't lift weights for about 6 months because of the nurse
>Week of discharge
>Get in a gay relationship with one of the new guys
>Sad to leave, as I had actually had good friends in there

>>722979517
My mom won my PS1 out of a pringles can

I catfished my sister into meeting me at a gloryhole. She really knew how to suck cock like a slut.

>>722985117
Bullshit. You live in your moms basement and masturbate with anal beads.

>>722992919
You're me???? The state of Oregon had me tested several times. Eeg, psych tests, etc.. IQ tested at 157. I don't feel smart but everything makes sense to me. Sometimes i have pretty bad social anxiety...

>>722996611
kekked and chekked

>>722988690
Are you in that particular band?

>>722992545
>laptop dance

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>>722996611
>722996611

>>722996613
This is also true. We are not a proud people

>>722996755
American detected

>>722996259
Jesus called, he wants everyone to stop pretending he doesn't exist.

Ate my tampons with all of the period blood in them. Occasionally pulled cotton out of asshole. Didn't eat that. Didn't taste as good

Saw a post, and OP wasn't a faggot

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>>722996892

I shot an killed one of the last mountain lions in my state because she was stalking around my farm and eating the bunnies.

After killing her, I gutted and crucified her.

She was pregnant.

>>722994062
I'd love to culture that... Fuck.

My teacher let me touch her boob in 6th grade, still remember everything leading up to it

I am Tom Cruise

>>722997204
Timestamp

>>722997204
Me too, Tom.

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>>722996755
>>722996722
>>722996611
>>722996444
>>722996311
>>722996199
>>722995411
>>722994700
>>722994211
>>722993999
>>722993922
>>722993555
>>722993555
>>722993131
>>722992933
>>722992600
>>722992388
>>722992144
>>722991717
>>722991499
>>722991066
>>722991044
>>722990966
>>722990711
>>722990077
>>722989900
>>722989866
>>722989644
>>722989622
>>722989066
>>722988599
>>722988188
>>722988177
>>722985499

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>>722979517

>be me at 11 years old at boy scout camp
>local national guard brings out a tank for us to see
>my friend and are are inside it fucking around and pushing buttons and shit
>we end up starting the damn thing
>kids screaming, adults yelling
>my dad wasn't even mad, he was beaming ear to ear
>mfw

>>722986052
By chance are you John McAfee?

>>722988757
>>722988334
>Che Guevara of stretch pants and cheetos.

>>722993960
So you wouldn't do anything more because you are straight.

I dread to think what would happen if you were gay.


>incest

>>722979517
miley cyrus?

>>722996067
Knock knock pal

>>722991386
Wondering if I know you, what area you from?

>>722989067

>trump voters are deplorable
>i'm an ex con who wears a fedora and yells at people and pisses them off

>>722988624
>>722988334
>>722988041
Are you really samefagging to try and get people to google you?
lol

I forgot how to greentext cause Im a lurker
One night was drinking with extended fam
Pretty usual for fam get-togethers
Too drunk to get home crash on cousin's bed
Wake up to surprise an anal sex from male cousin
(I'm female)
Actually enjoyed it as it was super hot and the best sex I've ever had by far
Couple years later
Drink too much
Seduce his brother whom is also my cousin
This guy is hot but not as good in bed as his brother
Yes.
I am a two time cousin fucker.
No regrets

>>722997918
Yep, it would need to be reported though

>>722989768
So you're tell me bums can get income off of art made from feces, spit and semen?

>>722989768
>busking, whittling, fortune telling, and making folk are from found materials

You are so fucking full of shit and you go around calling everyone else privileged. Pan handling and being a hobo is not a career, you deserve to be poor and in the gutter if you choose to do this

Go get a real job/cause

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>>722998149

>>722998152
tits or gtfo

>>722990635

Whatever helps you sleep at night you fuckup

>>722981261
Damn. So many years wasted...

>>722997918
relatively everybody's dropped it, it was a while ago. I visited the entrance about a month ago and it was undisturbed, so I'm safe for now.

>>722998152
>K
>Y
>S
>

>>722998165
I've established you're from Tennessee. It won't be long before i figure out who your friend is.

I'm coming for you.

>>722986062
I don't believe you

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>>722998363
>>722998512
I teach people how to make spoon rings, scented candles (from lard and inexpensive spices), wire jewelry, and so on. Our members offer free music lessons to aspiring buskers, and can teach people to play guitar, mandolin, banjo, ukelele, recorder, piano, keyboard, harp, djembe, and Irish drum. We also act as a drop-off for old musical instruments so we can pass them on to people who want to busk.

As for hobos, they were the OG MGTOWs. They lived outside of the social hierarchy and did as they pleased despite the best efforts of authoritarians and judgemental douchenozzles like you folks. They have much to teach us about living free as our society becomes ever more oppressive.

>>722999126
Firstly edge Lord I'm not the OP
Secondly there is now Tennessee in Europe
Thirdly you are a waste of skin

>>722979517
Miley Cyrus

>>722979517
There is an image of a banana that I really really like

>>722999278
In Europe, do they call their highway the "interstate"?

>>722999278
You're dead kiddo.

>>722999496
No, mainly because they aren't any 'states' and there is more than one language....

Fuck who let Colombo out?

>>722999553
Shit someone is knocking at my door!!!!!!!

>>722999666
Devil trips for truth

>>722979517
Two years ago I flew to Vegas for a business convention. Ron Jeremy was on my flight and had the seat next to me and talked to me about his life/career and I bought him drinks. When we landed, he asked to use my phone to make a few phone calls because his was dead. Coincidentally, the AVN (porn awards) were going on the same weekend. He gave me his number. Gave me full access passes. Hung out with him and other porn stars for 2 days straight. Ended up having a 3-some with two B-rated porn stars.

I never made it to my business convention...

>>722999666
the pizza guy?

also: czecked

>>722998152
>Adventures in Appalachia.

>>722980034
I remember seeing you

>>722997918
>>722998941
Strange thing is, I'm a skeptic, but the last few weeks have been unexplainable. Had nightmares every night for that week that he was at my bedroom door. It's super sketchy in my house when I'm alone, and electronics have been acting up, specifically my TV and microwave. My coffee grinder fucking started up out of nowhere the other day. nearly gave me a heart attack.

>>722999889
Look here faggot, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Faggot.

>>722985901
Man I can't wait to kill myself via drug use later

>>722999904
Nope just my hooker

>>722982493
I had a weekend fling with a former Victoria's Secret model once. My buddy was fucking her best friend, and she was coming in town for the weekend, so they invited me along. Fucked her all weekend while she was in town, and then she flew home. We still sext once in a while, but she is married.

No regrets, was a good time. I have some pics of us, but dont share because I dont care who believes me.

>>722999999
>>723000000