Ask a youth pastor at a church anything!!

>>722940809
How many kiddies did you touch?

>>722940809
What will you do when your regime falls?

>>722941040
None. Not that type of pastor lol. I'm 22 and only speak to people ages 15- 30 sumthing

>>722941138
Become a real estate agent and sell low-income housing in predominately Hispanic areas like I've been doing lol

>>722940809
why are you on 4chan?

>>722941322
Why are we all here on 4chan is the real question.

But I'm here because I've been on here since before I became a youth pastor and this is my last post till I stop entirely. A final smoke in a sense

>>722940809
The Bible has issues with both sodomy and dudes fucking other dudes, and yet priests seem to be sodomising little boys all over the place. What's up with that?

>>722941636
They will be condemned and held accountable for their actions even more since they knew that they weren't supposed to be doing that in the first place. Just because someone is a priest doesn't mean they shouldn't be charged.

>>722941480
>>722941778
won't u be condemned and held accountable for this "last smoke"?

>>722941921
No, because I'm just talking on an image board. Nothing wrong with that

>>722940809
Did you know that there is no God. No Jesus. No Heaven and no Hell?

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>>722942130
Nah, Christfags like OP are pretty delusional

>>722942220
Fuck off fedora nigger

i would like to gain unfettered access to troubled young christian girls with daddy issues, for um, reasons...
can i become a youth pastor too?

>>722942011
pretty safe to say you glanced at the other stuff

>>722942130
Maybe you're right, but due to personal expirences I would have to disagree.. I didn't wake up one morning a decided I wanted to become a pastor out of nowhere.

>>722942177
Maybe, hard to tell just off saying I'm a youth pastor though.

>>722942349
Of course I'm right. Only a fool would buy into 2,000+ year old mythology from the Middle East. Books written by mere sheep and goat herding men in a time where they didn't even know where the sun went at night.

>>722942320
Yep, too be honest chistianity was a last thing I would decide.

>>722942314
Lol if you want to do it for that go for it, but you'll get caught up along with the rest of the pedophile priests eventually .

>>722942479
I hated church as a kid so being a Christian was the last thing on my mind, but personal experiences dude.

>>722940809
Which one passage of the bible do you absolutely not agree with and cannot even defend?
Also do you eat prawns/shrimp?

>>722942899
Nothing that I can think of off the bat. But if you bring some up I can see where I stand on it.

And Yee, cause it's delicious even though shrimp is gross.

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>>722940809
Do you have fags in your church?

How many alter boys have suffered for your sins

>>722942996
You're not allowed to eat shellfish you goon.
Off to hell you go.

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>>722940809

>>722943039
Yea, there's this girl who has a gf. She knows, so I don't say anything. Hate the sin, but love the sinner.

>>722943081
Lol I'm not a priest

>>722940809
How did you end up a youth pastor? Any specific education or training required?

>>722943401
Meh. Food is food dude. Eat what you like lol

>>722943535
Yep. Bible school man. Takes about 2 years to become a pastor. It's like a regular college but a bible one lol

>>722942898
Did Jesus come down and tongue punch your fartbox?

>>722943548
I don't think you're taking the word of god very seriously.

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If God is real then explain these digits.

>>722943548
There are 8 different passages on not eating shellfish.

Do you like touching little boys like most of them?

>>722943535
And I became one because I always liked working with people. Talk to at risk youth and started a small group, reading a verse of the bible and tell them how they could apply it to their life to better them selfs , and since I was already going to school part time for it, ended up become a youth pastor. It just happened to be honest

>>722943661
Haven't had the privelge lol

>>722942295
>not believing in the Christian God and the ancient, outdated, ass backwards religion it comes with
>means I'm a fedora tipping atheist
Okay buddy.

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>>722942457

>>722943548
how come all other faiths take they're food related scripture very seriously but Christians, (who if i remember C of E School correctly) shouldn't eat pork or shellfish?

>>722943667
If you crack down on people and control them, that's a cult. I teach the bible and interpret it to better oneself with God on their life. I take the bible serious, but when it comes to people's life's, their conviction is their own and I just present the bible .

>>722943937
bingo

>>722943731
Actually most of the people I talk to are older then me. I'm 22. There's not little boys lol

>>722940809
What kind of church?

>>722944170
Christian church in Califonia.

>>722944265
Okay, denomination? Do you like it?

>>722940809
Send nudez

>>722940809
How does it feel wasting your life?

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>>722943955
nice fedora dubs

>>722943981
Food was more of a tradition back then, .. I forget the verse, but God said "don't you call unclean what I have already made clean" referring to pork.

>>722944336
Pentecostal, and yea I do! Its like family more then anything

>>722944564
That's cool. You genuinely believe everything?

>>722944374
Not bad actually, because I work with people who need help anyway.

>>722943937
Its not your lack of belief that makes you a fedoracore faggot, its you "hurr religion is retarded look at how cool and edgy am i" attitude that does

>>722944603
Yes sir! I was never taught on the basis on craming things or beliefs to anyone, it's more love then anything else.

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>>722944682

>>722940809
Are you really in it because you fantasize about molesting kids? be honest

>>722944698
Awesome for you. I hope you have fun OP, but before I leave do you know what your church says about divination (I think that's what it's called) like is it good or bad?

>>722944752
do you have this in bigger?(the pic)

>>722944752
Yeah thats pretty much you right now

>>722941173
Old enough on my watch. Im 25.

>>722944765
Lol not at all in all honesty

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>>722943955
>>722942220

>>722940809
why pastor?

>>722944682
>attitude?

All he said was that the book written over two thousand years ago with inaccurate information was retarded.

>>722944812
How the church sees it, it's bad because it dabbles with forms of which craft. That's in a general sence.

But anything in specific?

>>722944887
True, but jail bait girls inst my thing, would of been if I was still in high school.

>>722944016
So you cherry pick it

>>722945076
This

>>722944016
>If you crack down on people and control them, that's a cult. I teach the bible and interpret it to better oneself with God on their life. I take the bible serious, but when it comes to people's life's, their conviction is their own and I just present the bible.

Are you serious? Jesus saying that if you even think lude thoughts of a women it's adultery. not like that's thought control

All my life in churches I've heard shit like
>bow down to Jesus
>submit to Jesus

>Not a cult
At least get your bullshit right if your becoming a pastor

>>722945076
Fuuug meant to quote the post above that one :DDD

>>722942177

>>722945266
Not at all, cause I never tell people what to do or do not do , it's no ones right to be honest. if they feel like they should stop drinking for example, they should do it because they want to and they have a willingness for it. I just present to bible and what ever else comes from them.

>>722945395
Lol like I said, I present the bible to them, if they feel like they comited sin, that's their part to do something about it, not mine.

I don't tell them what to do, I tell them what the bible says, bit that's all.

>>722940809
Do you jerk off?

>>722945620
Nope, I stopped. Lol

>>722945476
Then you're not a real pastor faggot, you're just trying to help people with their problems. In the bible it says that you shouldn't drink (all though there's another quote that sort of contradicts that) a real pastor would teach what the bible says to do, but keep doing what you're doing, the less and less it becomes about the religion the faster it disappears

>>722945778
He's helping people, don't be a ass

>>722945740
so you get wet dreams or do you take some kind of food or drink that "block" your genitals?

>>722945575
Maybe you don't, but there millions upon millions who do, the extreme vast majority do, so you belong to a cult you just don't enforce it your self

>>722945778
You sound like you need Jesus in your life son.the devil done got ahold of you

>>722945778
Next time you sneeze some one is going to say God bless you

>>722945778
Lol like I said, I present the bible to them, if they feel like they comited sin, that's their part to do something about it, not mine.

I don't tell them what to do, I tell them what the bible says, but that's all

.. Personally , I stopped drinking not because someone told me it was wrong, but because I got convicted about it, then acted

>>722940809
Have you spanked any of the youth under your charge and if so, how do you do it?

>>722945906
Wet dreams my man. Let my body worry about that

Do you believe in God ?

Good for you OP!

What's the worst thing someone has said to you in a session?

>>722945867
He may be helping individual people, but hes holding all of society back. Plus those people could get real help from therapist/psychiatrist/counselor, not some fuck who read a really old and inaccurate book

>>722945907
I totally agree about church's in general, but in my church I wasn't shown that way, so the same way I present it, was the way I was shown. It's working with people so you always meet them where they are at

>>722946086
Lol I never have and I don't plan to do it.

>>722946114
Yep lol

>>722946117
Define session please?

>>722946176
They could get that help and the more power to them, they don't have to listen to me, they all have a choice and could leave lol

>>722946323
Leaving the tough love to someone else? So you can be the "oh so hip youth pastor who is like totally down with JC but is approachable"?

>>722946391
When your doing your thing, talking to troubled kids what's like the worst thing they have said

>>722946266
OK then if really like helping people, you should become qualified, as a psychologist or something, and not ruined the world, studying the bible gives the illusion that your qualified to help people with they're problems, and maybe you are with some people, but definitely not with the majority.

So is this some type of mission you're on or are you a closet 4chan browser?

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>>722940809
you watch anime?
if yes...which is it?

Do you consider yourself as spiritual christian ?

>>722946447
Not really so I can be that person, it's just who I am in general, I just talk to people the same way I want to be talked to. Lol

>>722946444
Blasphemy seeking out different help?originally the church was the clinic, but then the evil atheists came in with their "psychology" and changed that , no no no, they'll be tortured for eternity.

>>722945076
a book that is amazingly consistent considering it was written over the span over thousands of years by ~60 different authors you forgot to add.

Do your homework moron

>>722946671
I feel like a moron because I can't tell if your joking or not, if not I refer you to this post
>>722943955

>>722946461
just curse at me out of frustration, but to be honest that's not bad, it just takes a lot of patience dealing with different personalities.. The kind of people I mostly work with are mostly gang related.

>>722946091
I don't jerk off I just browse /b/ where I can't help but see constant images of naked women. I swear I'm not looking

how are you doing my man

>>722946472
Of course , I believe that also, I'm going to school as a probation officer at the moment.

>>722946804
Thanks for responding man

>>722946620
Why do you type 'lol' after everything you say

>>722946476
Lol not at all, I just came on and started a last thread cause I used to browse.

>>722946873
Why not just stone them to death?

>>722946779
You should feel like a moron because you are one.

For one, I literally can't even read that. And two, virtually every contradiction in the bible ends up backfiring horribly on the person trying to point it out.

Just for funsies, what is your favorite?

>>722940809
does liking traps keep you out of heaven
or does God not care what I blow my load to so long as dicks stay out of asses

>>722946528
I only remember city hunter as a kid lol.

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>>722940809
Do they ask you about masturbation?

What do you tell them about masturbation, porn, and nofap ?

>>722946570
Yes, not super spiritual 24/7, but yea lol

>>722946964
I've read the bible cover to cover faggot, if you really think there are no contradictions, then you've either never read it, or are mentally incompetent, there's this tool called Google, it might be a little complex for you, but type in "bible contradictions", there's literally hundreds

What would you say god looks like?
Like is he literally giant human cloud man or is it more of an "everything, everywhere" type of idea

>>722946648
Lol well we are a free " clinic ", better then paying

>>722946899
No problem!

>>722942130
Pretty retarded to think there was no Jesus (the physical person). There's more historical data on Jesus than Shakespeare.

>>722945117
More like can God speak through it.

Whatever the case I'm glad it makes you feel better. Don't forget us in your prayers anon.

>>722946828
that's why I just stopped coming to /b/ in general lol

>>722942220
Even Christians believe in evolution retard.

>>722946915
Cause I'm a hip cool youth pastor, can't ya tell?

>>722946964
Not the same moron, but I like the part in the bible that talks about stoning women to death after being raped. Wish we still did this...

>>722943698
It's than* and you failed faggot. Kys.

>>722947215
Sadly not all do, back a few years ago I had a creationist teacher

>>722946945
Cause weed is bad, m'kay

>>722947111

Yay trips

>>722947101
I'm willing to bet I've read it cover to cover more times than you. You don't know jack shit about it or you would be intelligent enough to point one out. Please, I'm all ears.

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>>722946964
Here are some

>>722947240
thought that was the quran
didn't jesus stop a chick from getting stoned for bein a whore

>>722947267
I hope this is bait...

>>722947215
no they don't. literally not enough evidence to even be considered a theory. will go down as our generations version of trying to turn lead into gold.

>>722940809
Could God microwave a burrito so hot that even he could not eat it?

>>722947015
I never got the masturbation question before. But if I had to , I's ask them are you lusting ? If your jerking it mostly likey Yee, then it's wrong .

>>722947240
Please, point out the verse, I'd love to see it.

Then Jesus came along and said he who is without sin may cast the first stone.

Yeah, what a terribly contradictory book with a horrible message.

Please keep enlightening the rest of us oh wise atheist.

>>722947292

If god made cannabis and made humans an endocannabanoid system how can it possibly be bad in moderation?

Also why'd he give women the clitoris and put nerves in the prostate unless he wanted them poked?

>>722946988
It matters lol your still jerking it

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>>722947303
So because you've read it more times it makes you're information better? Just because I only have to read it once to retain all the information isn't a negative thing retard, here are some about creation

>>722947335
No, bible. Old testament, I think Deuteronomy. If you get caught raping a chick and she isn't betrothed you can buy her from her family. If you get caught and she isn't crying out, stone the bitch etc. Pure gold. Makes me want to believe.

>>722947327
This is a joke right? Please tell me you're joking. (that's rhetorical I know you're not).

Good god, Jesus was referring to himself you complete moronic uneducated neanderthal. Please, for the love of humanity read the bible, do some homework and stop making all atheists look so damn stupid, it's not fair to them.

>>722947353
creationism makes much more sense

>>722947240
Go read some "gods delusion", faggot

>>722947111
Everything everywhere. Like Jesus type of guy

>>722947427
Deuteronomy 22:28-29

>>722947585
from title alone I can tell a faggot wrote it

>>722947174
Hmm I would have to say no, because it's asking other things to speak for God, you get me?

And of course man!

>>722947393
Weird.. This should be one of the most relevant questions of the age group you deal with.

>>722947556
So jesus was reffering to himself when the bible said Solomon had 3300 baths and then 3600?

>>722947370
Pretty sure, it gets pretty hot dude.

>>722947578
It's funny cause it dosent, if creation wasn't right, then most fields of science should be working. If you accept creation and still go to a modern doctors office and get treatment, your literally cherry picking sciences

>>722947585
Deuteronomy 22 marriage violations. Pure gold.
23 If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, 24 you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the young woman because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. You must purge the evil from among you.

>>722947817
I was being ironic m8

>>722947498
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Let me help you out, I read the bible daily, have since high school and I'm 27.

But I'm sure you're some sort of photographic memory genius who can quote entire books without googling it from pure memory.

I'm no expert, not by a long shot, but I've been around it long enough to know that none of the stuff you claim can hold even a drop of water.

Notice how none of those creation references provide the verse in question, just the reference? You know if you read it in context those arguments would get ripped to shreds.

Stuff like this makes me believe more, it's so incredibly weak, shit I actually thought you had something.

>>722947578
It takes far less faith to believe in Creationism that's for sure

>>722947692
Yeah, maybe because they don't like talking about this or something but also maybe because the city I live in has a lot of gangs so shootings, drugs, etc are more of a topic , not all though.

>>722940809
dear asshole,
this is not reddit.
kys

>>722947916
Are you retarded, take another look at that picture and it may show you the verse in question

>>722947916
Are you daft? The proof is in the pudding.

>>722947697
Yikes, your intelligence seems to be extraordinarily low if you can't make the right connection with what I was referring to.

Either way, thank you for helping to hurt the cause of atheism a little further!

>>722947429
If it's in moderation and for medical purposes sure, but only that person knows why he's smoking and what's it for

And I have no idea lol

>>722947967
That's not true, just because it's a more simple concept to understand doesn't mean it takes less faith, if you actually understood what *most atheists believe you would come to realize it dosent take any faith

Soooo.... Nobody wants to argue stoning to death rape victims?

I'm going to become a pastor as well, but in a Church that considers your Church to be heretic.

>>722947867
This is pure gold.

You can't derive a simple translation as meaning she was willing and therefore committed adultery. Didn't you say if a woman was raped she should be stoned to death? Funny how this stuff never lines up. Top kek mate!

>>722941480
>and this is my last post till I stop entirely.
Why? Jesus hung out with prostitutes. If you aren't going to where the sinners are, you're a bad pastor.

>>722948205
Go for it man, sounds like a lot of work though.

>>722948163
I never said it was more simple lmfao. Creation is one of the most complex things out there.

Atheists sure are dumb. Ya'll make way too many assumptions

>>722948136
I wss making fun of how you "disprove" one contradiction out of the ten on the page and don't say shit about the rest, and you're religion is dying out if you look at statistics, so I can be retarded all I want, it's happening either way.

>>722940809
Why are you a filthy heretic?

>>722948181
I did.

See>>722948212

Per usual, the verse in question is taken so out of context, it's literally not even referring to rape.

>>722948245
true, maybe I might come back then, one thing for sure, I'll pray for you guys

>>722948313
I dunno. Aren't we all

What is the worst thing you've ever done op

>>722948292
I've studied creation, it's very simple, and for the stupid, it's not an assumption, creation literally says god made this that day, God made this that day, with no supporting evidence, really the mental gymnastics here is outstanding.

>>722948212
A simple translation? Lol why don't you have a seat over there.... Deuteronomy is completely fucked up no matter how you translate it. I think people (fags) 'read' the bible and it makes their head mush. I've heard so many people say they've read the bible front to back and this or that isn't in there or you are interpreting it wrong, blah, blah... It was needed in its time to control the masses, prevent death and crime, but we've outgrown it. Time to usher in a new era. The era of the Manatee. All hail our new god, the gentle and forgiving sea-cow!

>>722946009
>I don't tell them what to do, I tell them what the bible says, but that's all
And yet many churches disagree on what the Bible says.

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>>722946176
He's helping people for free. That's the nice thing about religion, it instructs you to perform such public services without expecting anything in return.

>>722946266
My mom took me to church when i was younger just to be part of the community, though we weren't religious. It was a great place that was more about the community than religion. Sunday school was more like preschool and they just taught us good values in connection with god.

Once we went to a different, much more hardlined church and in sunday school they taught us all the different things that will land you in hell, like swearing or dressing certain ways, and went into great detail about suffering for eternity. traumatized me.

I think religion is only really a bad thing if it teaches people to hate and be intolerant. However I think more and more it is becoming inconsolable with modern times and the prolifetation of science. The problem I think is humanity isn't strong enough to have good values without religious guidance.

>>722948446
I've done a lot of things. The worst thing I myself consider, is selling drugs and seeing the same person still on drugs later on . Still eats me up

>>722948551
That's funny, so basically if people find a that's bad or you disagree with its mistranslated, but there's no problem with it if your agree, wow people are so stupid

>>722948568
I can't speak for those churches, only on what I and my church would teach.

You seem like a pretty cool guy. A lot of fedora tippers in here talking out their asses and you stay calm and collected like a teacher of the word should. I don't believe in god personally but some people came into my life recently who I've gone to church with a few times and I love it. People who think Christianity is evil truly know nothing about it. It helps so many people and a ridiculous amount of the things taught in the Bible can be applied to real life even if you don't believe in god. Keep doing what you're doing man I know you really help people.

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>>722948632
You like fiction, do you? Let me tell you of something true... Manatee. Our new and forgiving God

>>722947691
Sweet, thanks for the answer. Don't be afraid to visit us (If it isn't a temptation for bad). Take care anon.


>>722948568
Many people think the earth is flat and that lizard illuminati voted trump. People disagree on everything. But in general churches are usually friendly to each other from my experience.

>>722947867
Sounds like another excuse to buy stones from the local stone purveyor. Yet another example of how the bible is a shill for Big Stone!

>>722948574
Yea, there's a lot of things I don't like about different churches even mine , but i find that it's not the churches fault but people in general bringing their own ideal over the teachings. Over all I look past the bad and be that good. I make church enjoyable and not like how people make it out to be. It's a family and that's what I emphasize the most

>>722948718
I think that Christianity has done good things, and has good people in it that would be doing good eithet way, but it is not a force for good, it's done more harm than good. Most of it has good intentions but that dosent make it make it a force for good in the world

>>722948392
>one thing for sure, I'll pray for you guys
The one thing Joshua could never learn, was futility.

>>722948718
Yea, I didn't come here to argue faith and present why I think is right, in the end I try to present that it's more love and family then anything else. I encourage people to find a church and find that atmosphere where they can relate with each other and better them selfs in many areas. Happy you found a church, religious or not, your still family!

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OH GENTLE MANATEE, OUR PRAISE GOES UNTO THEE! A SEA-COW'S BLESSING BRINGS JOY TO ME! ALL PRAISE MANATEE, OUR NEW, GENTLE GOD.

>>722948777
>But in general churches are usually friendly to each other from my experience.
Maybe these days, but not so long ago they spawned bloody wars in Europe.

>>722949142
Sorry Fag, this is 4chan

>>722948181
Want to argue what size stones to use?

>>722948777
Of course not! I'll keep you in my prayers man!

>>722949198
Fist sized, no bigger. We aren't heathens, for manatee's sake...

>>722948759
>>722949179
Manatee, I've done.... questionable things

>>722949080
If I'm able to keep you in mind praying, it's not never useless man

>>722949186
yee, and I'm a youth pastor here. Strange hu? Lol

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>>722949218
Let us pray...
OH WISE AND GENTLE MANATEE, BLESS THESE LAND DWELLING BEASTS, FOR THEY KNOW NOT OF YOUR GLORY. In the name of the bull, the cow, and the calf, amen.

>>722946804
>The kind of people I mostly work with are mostly gang related.
But what they really need to do is join God's gang, imeanamirite?
God is the true OG.

>>722949185
I mean everything started wars back then...

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>>722949300
Yes, my child? Go on, for MANATEE speaks through me. All will be forgiven, oh, walker of the earth.

>>722940809
What's your opinion about Trump?

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>>722949252

>>722949407
Lol exactly !

>>722949321
Shit, double negative, now I know I'm gonna burn

Hey Father, can I call you Father or is that mainly a catholic thing?
Can you share your story on how you found God?
I'm a struggling agnostic and I don't feel like my life has a purpose. Raised a Sunni Muslim but an event in my teens made me join the minority sect. Yadda yadda yadda, I had a fallout with religion. I've always been fascinated with religion, heck even my name means "Wise religious leader," in Arabic. The thing is, maybe I'm destined for a diff. religion. I've been looking into Christianity but I guess God hasn't shown me the light is all. Just needed to vent and maybe hear your thoughts on this, pastor-anon.

>>722949218
Appreciated.

>>722949487
No matter who is in office pray for them.

Personally, I have nothing against him, I'm just watching praying he does a good job.

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I once told a family I would keep them in my prayers....I lied.

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>>722949547
OH MY LAND-DWELLING CHILD, SEEK NO FURTHER. MANATEE IS LOVE. MANATEE IS LIGHT. I ASK YOU TO TAKE A JOYRNEY TO SEE ME WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, THE EVERGLADES. COME TO ME AND ALL YOUR QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED.

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Manatee died for your sins, anons. Praise Manatee.

>>722949713
Clearly the universe started in the Everglades. It's obvious. It's even called the ever-glades ffs.

>>722949547
Have you ever considered if exploding is right for you?

>>722949805
Nuuuuu! Dun die Manatee!

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>>722949868
A true believer.... Manatee bless you.

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>>722949983
Manatee was crucified on a boat propeller for your sins, anon... But, lo, manatee arose from its watery grave after three days to share its love and forgiveness to the world. Praise manatee!

>>722949941
Funny you mentioned that, when I was 12 -13, I made """molotovs""" and planned an assault on my non-muslim schoolmates. Never happened because under16s can't buy petrol and also I can't afford it.

>>722949547
I was drunk out of my mind walking around on a Saturday night. I've been depressed a lot and felt empty and keeping looking for answers in other things, drugs and my own thoughts. I was already at a point were I don't know what to do, and then I just started talking to God, not even knowing if one existed or not, but all I said was " I need help and maybe I need some church"... I was looking for anything to go to or needed to talk to someone, but nothing... I sat on the curb of the street accepting myself and try to brush it off and thought maybe I don't belong in a church and it's whatever. I had my head down, looked up and across the street a saw a mural of a cross, behind a business area. I laughed because this was exactly what I asked... I go across the street and it was a church office, just as I got there a couple from the church about to leaves, sees me and invited me out tomorrow for service . From then on, i started going..

It all starts with just praying to God, not knowing how to pray or in your own words, but just seek God and he will meet you. You don't have to be religious just call on God and trust in him. I will be praying for you.

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>>722950207
Manatee forgives you.

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>>722950220
Let us pray for anon.

OH GENTLE AND FORGIVING MANATEE! BRING PEACE AND COMFORT TO THIS TROUBLED ANON'S SOUL, FOR HE DOES NOT KNOW YOU. FILL HIM WITH YOUR WATERY GRACE, OH, GENTLE SEA-COW. GUIDE HIM ON THE PATH TO THE EVERGLADES. In manatee's name, we pray.

>>722950220
Thanks, pastor-anon.

>Trust in God
I trust Him fully now. Thanks for helping me.

>>722950207
Well, I give you a gold star for not murdering heretics

You people are all fucking stupid. Take 5 grams of mushrooms, alone, in complete darkness and silence. Then come speak of your 'God'
Also, praise manatee.

>>722950500
No problem, your on the right track, don't look for religion, look for a personal encounter with God. Ask for guidance and the doors will be open for you.

>>722950503
Also had this weird fantasy of me in full Muslim clothing and a turban, with a few other comrades getting out of our van, AKs in hand and just start shooting and bombing all the nightclubs.

>>722950882
Follow your dreams, /b/ro

>>722950882
There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as moral indignation, which permits hatred to be acted out under the guise of virtue.

>>722950958
Shit, I was literally going to say exactly this

When did you discover that you were the gay.

>>722951077
Praise manatee, /b/ro

>>722951085
When his dick was about 2/3 the way in.

Can you pray for me for an hour or so regarding homosexual urges? I feel like the only way they'll go away is if everybody including me puts a lot of effort into the prayer. In fact, I know it, because the last time someone did that for me the urges went away entirely for months.

>>722951085
Lol

>>722951149
Praise Him. I'm going to make a pilgrimage to the Keys.

>>722951232
Is it only sexual, or do you also have romantic feelings?

>>722950958
New fantasy, due to pastor-anon helping me out.
>Join a monastery
>Clean up, read the scripture, cook for the orphans, etc.
>Monk life comfy life

>>722950828
>Personal encounter with God
Huh, never looked at it that way. I guess I was just too mixed up in the technical stuff I forgot about the personal stuff

>>722951051
>Moral Indignation
Had to look it up but yeah man, I agree. Raised to hate drinkers, gays, ex-muslims, non-muslims, etc. It just grows on you. Even now, I still have that uneasy feeling when talking about the Jews because a part of me is still mad they took al-Aqsa.

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>>722951270
Ah, yes, the pilgrimage. May Manatee bless you in your journey. Bring lettuce as a humble offering

>>722951232
If that's what you want of course. But why just stop the urges when you can have complete deliverance. All you have to do is ask God. I will pray for you regardless man.

>>722951370
Mathew 7:7
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Sometimes we overthink things, make it personal and talk with God. Praying for you brother

>>722951370
>Even now, I still have that uneasy feeling when talking about the Jews because a part of me is still mad they took al-Aqsa.
Shit, it's just a building. If there is a creator of the universe, I doubt he's that stressed out about it.
I've heard it said that a Muslim believes that God protects him, and an Islamist believes that he is protecting God.

>>722951345
I dunno, it just makes me erect.

>>722951385
Oh shit, I'm going to bring so much god damn fucking lettuce

>>722940809
are there a bunch of hottie religious girls that need a good fucking?

>>722951980
Well, if you also find that you love another man, then you're boned. Will pretty much have to come to terms that you are fag.

>>722952063
You know it, /b/ro. But you can't touch them.

>>722951789
>Nice verse
Thanks man. Maybe I will find my purpose in life after all. Thank you for your prayers.I'll pray for you too, anon.

>>722951913
Dude you have no idea. The animosity towards Jews here are overwhelming. It's not just a building to them, it's something sacred. I agree with you on that, their version of God is an all-powerful being. Why does he need babysitting?
>A Muslim is protected by Allah; An Islamists protects Allah
nice quote btw.

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>>722952011
Yes, my child.
Manatee 10:21 says
"A gift of lettuce will open the way to the sea"
Praise Manatee

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Proof

>>722952235
Don't second guess your purpose with a maybe, trust and believe you will find it.

Jerimiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

>>722945778
Nigga jesus drank wine and hung around with whores and criminals

>>722952690
Our God, is an awesome God
He swims, us from undertow
With wisdom, power and blub
Our God is an awesome God

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>>722952761
Manatee 7:11-12 says
'Though your boat cuts through water, may it not cut through flesh. May your lettuce stay fresh and your skin gray and salty'

>>722952761
>Trust and believe
You're helping me with it using all these quotes. Thanks, man. Never read the bible before, tbh. Which version should I read, christianon?

>>722953008
Praise Manatee

>>722940809
Why are Church girls so cute and hard to get?

>>722952188
yupp the most forbidden of fruit

>>722953074
The King Manatee version is probably most accurate

>>722941173
no but really how many kiddies you fucked, you dirtbag?

>>722943480
Your face is a sin!

>>722953074
New King James or King James is the translation closest.. Read the book of Psalms or Proverbs as a start.

>>722953039
Best not to bring up the freshwater/saltwater schism in the church. Too many have died.

May the propellers graze lightly upon you.

>>722953201
Manatee babies are known as calves, not kiddies, retard. You must be new.

>>722953299
Yes, you're right. We definitely don't want another sea-cow crusade... Praise Manatee

>>722953074
Is the Old Testament also in the Quran?

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>>722940809

You still here OP?

>>722953662
Yes sir !

>>722953410
Yeah, they're higly-revered prophets in the Quran. Not all of it though, I remember Adam, Noah, Abraham, Lot, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Aaron, David, Solomon. Pretty sure there's more but I don't know their English translations.

>>722953292
Thanks again, christianon!

>>722953754
What are your thoughts on Manatee?

>>722940809
OP your opinion on the jews and zion and muslims? Also did you vote for trump?

>>722953798
No problem, God bless you, I will continue to pray for you. Your family

>>722950414

Lettuce Pray

>>722953798
Pretty crazy that Jews, Christians, and Muslims all have the same origin.
And Jews get a bad rap, because they are still on original recipe.

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>>722953754

I'm Italian and I know for a fact that the current pope had raped children in the past.
Why did God choose an evil pope? I'm having difficulties whith my faith at the moment

>>722954105
Kek

>>722953868
God of gods, King of kings.

>>722954244
What about pope manatee? He has never inappropriately touched anyone.

>>722954311
My sentiments exactly. Praise manatee!

>>722954244
But of course God forgives, that's the whole point of Christianity.

Anyway... post pics?

>>722954244
I believe that Catholicism and the Pope at its core are evil. Possibly will even spring about the Antichrist.

>>722954339
He touched my inner soul, but it was totally appropriate.
But he told me not to tell my parents (unbelievers)

>>722954241
> Jews get a bad rap, because they are still on original recipe.
lol that's not why they get a bad rep.

>>722954530
Well they don't believe in Mohammad, otherwise they'd be Muslims.
But maybe then they'd be like shiite Muslims, and sunnis could still hate on them.

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>>722954490

>>722954241
>Christianity
Judas was a Jew and he revealed Jesus's whereabouts, essentially killing him.
>Islam
Jews are just the boogeyman in this one. Most of the evil ones are OT-stuff.

>>722954773
Jesus was a jew

>>722954846
Not in the original hebrew bible.

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>>722955249

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>>722955249
Original Hebrew bible?

>>722947215
This faggots never even been to America

>>722955249
I thought most of the New Testament was written in Latin, Greek, or Aramaic?
But if Jesus wasn't a jew, what was he? An atheist? Or maybe he started out as a Jew, before becoming the first Christian.
One thing we can be pretty sure of, is that Jesus was not a Muslim.

>>722947158
please link to said historical data

I mean, I personally know 3 people named Jesus, but I assume we are talking about a guy born roughly 2020 years ago in Bethlehem who is worshiped as bot the son of gosh and golly incarnate

>>722954846
Jesus was a black man
Jesus was the Batman
Oh wait
That was Bruce Wayne

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>>722954846

>>722955870
Jesus was black. Black as night with a sword in his hand. Oh wait, that's Wesley Snipes.

>>722955956
Jesus was a black man. A black man with one glove, who wouldn't quit. Or was it acquit?
Oh wait, that was OJ. ...or was it Michael Jackson??

>>722948297
Doing... Uh.... Somethings work anon

>>722956181
Jesus was a black man. A king of kings, though persecuted by many. He even recieved a beating by the hands of his opressors. Oh wait, that was Rodney King...

>>722954846
Yeah, I guess people just skip over that part.

Thread is going to the great beyond, guise. See you on the everglades of valhallah!

>>722956392
Praise Manatee! Peace and water be with you!