How do I kill myself in a comedic way.

>>722492528
In the oven like your grandparents

>>722492528
shoot yourself in the face with a t-shirt cannon

Take AC Slater and Lisa Turtle with you

>>722492528
Eat your own cum that you poisoned.

>>722492528
Jimmy Neutron?

Die in a clown costume.

>>722492528
>suicide
>comedic

That isn't possible you autismo. That's like asking "how can I cry from jerking off" or like "how can I get drunk from peanut butter."

>>722492528
Any way you off yourself is a comedic way look at you faggot ass face

scalp yourself and mail it to your oldest living relitive

I remeber reading a pretty good one about supergluing your hands to your head and than setting up some kind of rig to pop your head off.

End result is your body holding your decaptitated head.

Slip on a banana peel.

Gouge out your eyes and play videogames until you die of blood loss

>>722492900
Dubs of truth

>>722492528
Look like a nerdy version of Wolverine

>>722492910
Yeah
Make a noose with fishing rod wire or piano string instead of rope.

Toil, alone and unloved until you one day die. Like the rest of us.

>>722493145
I have a sex with 2 different girls a week. I am not "like the rest of you". I only started coming here because /pol/ stopped being good 3 weeks ago faggot.

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>>722492817

>>722492528
Buy a concealable gun. Pick someone you want to mentally scar for life. Make up a joke about that person. Go to that person with the gun concealed. Start telling the joke, could even be a string of sarcastic notes about said target. Then say "I kid, I joke. Because you are in this world, here's the punchline!" Turn around, put gun in mouth, shower your target with your brains.

>>722493526
I'm sorry, I'm not 14.

>>722493402
>pol started ducking 3 weeks ago
>sleep with multiple girls

you aren't even trying

>>722493671
You die, mission accomplished. You scared your target for life, comedy gold. A 14 year old would do it in an attention getting boo-hoo way.

Hang yourself from a sturdy ceiling fan while "What is Love' is playing on repeat until someone discovers you.

>>722494643
Haha

>>722492528
>Rob a bank in a full clown make-up, shoes, ect.
> Make sure to rent a tiny car, and use it as a get away vehicle
>Purposefully stop, get out of the car with a gun that looks real, but when you pull the trigger it does the "BANG" flag.

Funniest suicide by cop ever.

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>>722492900
Kek'd and check'd

>>722492528
you're already a joke pal

>>722492528
Just off yourself, the way you look alone is Punchline as fuck. Erotic asphyxiation webcam would be hilarious, we could see your small as dick which would explain your related posted selfie. But any attempt, gun to head, slit wrist, overdose, hanging; all would be comedic gold.

>>722492528
Choking on cock.

>>722492817
I can'y jerk off unless I'm crying

>Fishing line tied like a noose.
>Line over head, glue hands to head.
>Jump from hight
>Looks like you ripped of your own head

>Save up money
>Buy ticket for the first Mars trip
>Hide near launch platform
>As they start counting down run towards the rocket frantically waving your ticket in the air
>Run directly under the thrusters and get instantly incinerated looking like a moron on live TV in front of more people than have ever watched one single event in history

>>722492760
Roll for this

>>722495622

Have you ever gone fishing before? You can break fishing line with your hands. Gonna need something stronger to decapitate you

>>722492682
The fuck is a t shirt cannon and how can you kill yourself with a tshirt?

>>722495865
Yeah and even with some sort of metal wire you'd never be able to apply enough force to behead yourself

>>722495865
Piano wire

Make a rube Goldberg machine with a couple misleading things like stand on a stool with a noose around your neck but it actually ends with you being shot.

Mostly just some sort of rube Goldberg machine. Remember to live stream

Stanley Steemer your asshole

>>722492528
auto-erotic asphyxiation

>>722496222
I would pay good money to watch that. Best post of 2017.

Leave note that says "Sorry, just hangin' in the bedroom. Come on in!" And be actually hanging from the ceiling in your bedroom. Shit is how I wanna go.

>>722494643
what is this? this scenario is strangely familiar...

>>722492528
Alright, AIDS Wolverine.
1. Get life vest
2. Remove foam inside
3. Replace foam with heavy plate weights
4. Jump in a lake or deep end of a pool
5. Die
6. ???
7. Profit

>>722492528
Livestream you juggling balls while standing/balancing yourself on an inflatable exercise ball, all while hanging from a tree with a noose. Eventually you'll slip off and just be hanging there.

Dress as a super hero with a cape and everything, then jump off a building. Don't forget to leave a note at the top saying " I think I can do it"

>>722498377
DUBS CONFIRMS

>>722492796
beat me to it.

hang self with christmas lights

>>722492528
Jump off a tall building in an astronaut suit and make sure to aim for a car on the way down.

>>722492817
Crying from jerking off is easy if you do it to an ex girlfriend.

>>722498167
There's a green text where a guy says he would like have the coffin from his funeral be empty and his body suddenly falls from the ceiling fan and starts spinning while space jam plays in the background.

>>722492528
Eat gluten

>>722492528


make Pipe-Bombs
go to a marathon
???
walk the dinosaur

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>>722492817
That's where you wrong kiddo
For example: some german youtuber had a viral song "Is mir egal" translated "I don't care"
He then gets to make a commercial with his song for the berlin subway company.
A couple of days ago he commited suicide by throwing himself in front of one of the subway cars. It's kind of double ironic because I don't care

>>722499546
underrated

>>722492528
light your beard on fire and wait

>>722500253
nah your just a fag coz nobody cares

>>722496046
You've literally been living under a rock for the past 30 years?

>>722492528
kys and let your dead body lying next to a stillbirth or a dead baby dats funny ;)

Slice your throat while holding a can of frank beans in your left hand while the right slits your throat.

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>>722496046

>>722500648
you're

Anything as long as you blast Yakkitysacks

>>722492528
Stick your head in an oven, try to kiss a moving train, nail yourself to a cross, hold your breath until its gone, be gay in iran, skinny dip in a flood, drink a Haitian guys blood

>>722499404
it's a nick swardson routine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSfHowDgtlQ

>>722492528
Cheese wire around neck, then some industrial grade bonding shit to stick your hands to the sides of your head, jump off something, get decapitated, looks like you pulled your head off. You're welcome.

>>722492528
kill yourself on a porno after your saved by the bell days

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Just try to catch the roadrunner.

Just don't kill your self that's even funnier .

stick a broom up your ass and jump off somewhere high

>>722492817
>how can i cry from jerking off"

Easily, be alone and unloved on valentines day. Thats how it works.

>>722492528
Dress up in diving gear. Oxygen tanks and everything. Go to the largest building in your city/town. At the base of the building place a glass of water. Then jump off the building. Laughs will be had.

Make a pair of wings out of wax, fix them to your arms and try to fly to the sun.

Half stick shoved up your ass while sitting on toilet.

>>722492528
Just continue living. I'm laughing hard as fuck right now.

>>722504054
>Pretending Valentine's day is nothing more then corporate pushing


Gg there mate.

Old Fags will remember this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Shk8HawnCTs

shove as many vibrators up ur ass as you can till you die

>>722504696
Claiming to be an oldfag to impress anonymous losers why

Place a glass of water on the street near a tall building.
Get a dive suit and aim for the glass.

>>722504826
No, he just meant old. Old fags, not oldfags.

>>722504696
Yes, what this bloke just wrote.

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>>722492528
Attach a gun to a helium balloon, then shoot yourself in an open field or something

Slit your wrists as you lower yourself into a cannon, have it fire at a disabled orphanage.
But, be dressed as a clown and have sign around your neck that has, Happy 6th birthday Kevin, on it.

>>722502130
KEK
E
K

>>722492528
Wear a vest with fake explosives and run into your state capital building yelling allah akbar

HELLO I AM NEW GHERE HO IS DIES?

jump from a building wearing a clownsuit, with a suicide note that claims some bullshit jewish conspiracy, and that you had to do this to protect people. also that you already planned to an hero anyways because you couldn't keep on living with the shame of being a filthy cis white male

Option a:
>Stand on a building, make sure theres a crowd paying attention to you
>Right before you jump say "Ive decided otherwise"
>Come down the stairs
>shoot yourself

Option B:
Jump out of a plane over a city, with a superman-suit on

>>722504588
You lack some serious comprehension issues. You don't know how the world works huh? Lets just assume for a sec that in your lil world its nothing more than corporate pushing, but here in the real world, the fact that no one wants to well, go along with it for you was the point, You didn't get that at all.

>>722492528
ok here we go:

>eat a chain
>let one end stay in your mouth
>wait till you shit aout the other end
>get to the top of the eiffel tower
>tack one end there, the other end to the arc of triumph
>use a motor or smt to tighten up the chain
>rip apart your innards
>slowly slide across paris while dying
>???
>profit

>>722492528
https://encyclopediadramatica.se/suicide

>>722492528
It doesnt matter how you kill yourself, all death is fodder for dark humor

Kill yourself in a religious suicide bombung, maximizing kek

>>722492528

By looking like the dude in that picture and living your life until a natural death in that way

>>722492528
>Hang yourself on a tree at the edge of a cliff >Shoot yourself in the head
>Miss and shoot the rope
>Fall to your death.

>>722492528
>Keep the hair

>>722495675
This is the best one I have read so far in this thread. Hearty kek.

>>722492528
>waiting christmas.
>dress like santa.
>sneaking in your neighbourhood's house until some one shoot you.

HOW IS THERE A THREAD ON /b/ THATS BEEN UP FOR 6 HOURS

>>722492528
Gather the following:

>superglue
>piano wire or some other thin, very strong line

Tie the line onto a ledge, a few stories will be more than enough.
Make a loop and tighten it around your neck.
Glue your hands to the sides of your head, let it set firmly.
Jump.

The person that discovers your corpse will think you pulled your own head off.

Find the most embarassing furry suit and dress it, manage to be smashed by a falling safe or piano

Do "The Tybalt"

>>722492528
During a comedy show doing stand up.
Just be like "I did something cool the other day and I want to show you all" then shoot yourself.

>>722492528
Die with a felafel in your hand

>>722504250
I'm with this anon.

>Find tallest building.
>Place a small inflatable kiddy pool on sidewalk.
>Dress in old timey one piece bathing suit.
>Put on floaties and one of those inflatable duck things around your waist.
>Maybe some flippers and a snorkel as well.
>Do this on the sidewalk so a crowd gathers.
>Go to roof of building and jump off.
>Try to land just beside the kiddy pool for extra comedic effect.

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>>722493487
He he
That is a thing that make giggle me fancy i tell you. Look him eyes.

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>>722492528
Jimmy Neutron?

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>>722492528
>make miniature device that will blow up your stomach/insides
>go to diner
>eat
>get waitress to come over when you're almost finished
>"Golly, if I eat one more bite, I'm gonna explode!"
>Eat final bite and detonate

>>722515264
Someone's been watching the meaning of life, didn't you?

Go to your hospital and tell them you want to register as organ donator, when they give you the document you just sign, then immediately ramming a knife in your stomach tell them to "just help yourself"

>>722492528
Salt poisoning

>>722510984
I already said that :P

>>722510984
everybody always says this but nobody ever does it :(

Just fucking walk outside with that hair. I'm sure someone will take care of it for you.

Never mind suicide, looking like that I'm suprised nature hasn't tried to kill you already.