ITT: We are in an office.

>>722261198
Man it's hot in here

>>722261198
Does anyone know who to file a supply order form with. We are all outta condoms in the men's bathroom vending machine.

Frank in Accounting

https://youtu.be/igtIJbrXgl0?t=56s

>>722261198
Boss can I leave early? My son have a game today and I can't be late. Is his first time leaving the bench, and I just want to cheer him up. Lately he has been depressed because is failing at school and my wife quite don't care at all.
It will be just this time.
I can make extra hours if you want.
I just love him so much.

Hey, look Sam I really can't go to your office party. It's not that I wouldn't mind going but Cindy and I are getting serious and I wouldn't want her to feel weird being around you especially after your break up. So. I hope it is nothing personal, I just think that it is the best move for everyone. Ok?
Also I need you to finish your project analysis by 3.
Great, thanks Sam.

>>722261198
Elliot stop eating my fucking ham sandwiches next time I see you in the fridge I'm gonna fist your asshole without lubrication

>>722261848
Uh huh.
Look, I don't know how to break it to you Bill but your imaginary friends are really getting old. I need you to clean up the bathrooms on floor 3-8 tonight. Now get to it or I will have to let you go

Alright who ate my sandwich in the fridge?

>>722262033
I wouldn't mind that Tom... Would you mind if you threw in your other hand too?
We can make copies of our assholes on the copy machine if you want.

I wont tell Candice a thing

>>722262118
You mean the half eaten one in your hand?

guyswhere'sthefuckingspacebarwhyistypingsofuckingcomplicated

Anyone got an update on the Schmidt account?
I got a call from the collection agency's manager and have yet to hear from the client.

Interoffice Memo

Staff,

Please be sure to activate your signature line on your emails. No one knows who is sending what message to whom. Thanks

Bob in IT

>>722261198
something something staplers. Something something copier is broke. This that accounts done by Thursday. When where how gonna kms. Something something Jill from upstairs is hot.

>>722262223
Sounds like a plan, I hope you like the smell of expired Spaghetti-o's

I CAN SEE YOUR BOOBS FROM 2 CUBICLES AWAY HANNAH

>>722262600
I prefer chef manardee

>>722262437
Thanks for the reminder Bob.
I was getting a little confused myself!

G. Richardson- Accounting.

>>722262437
>whom
>Whom'st'd've'aint'ly

Who the fuck changed my wallpaper to Donkey Kong

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>>722262118
As a reminder all items properly labeled in the lounge fridge are not to be consumed by other staff members. However, any items left past Friday are free game to the custodial staff. Please take your items home with you before the weekend.

Frank in Accounting

>>722262698
What the fuck is that
Tom the Ham Sandwich grill master

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>>722261198
HE!!!1!!!!!!!
LOL!! ROFL!! LULZ!! LEL!! KEK!! JEJ!! MEM!!
DANK EPIN MAYMAY BRO AYY LMAO xD I FELL OFF MUH CHAIR CUZ I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING xDxDxD
ME GUSTA UPBOATED +10000 FUCK YEAH SEAKING!!!!111
SCREENCAP DAT SHIT FOR DAT SWEET KARMA D
TOP KEK WEW LADDY YEE
UNCLE BENIS, BERFEGT EVERY DIME DDD
BAZINGA
ZIMBABWE
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BAD TIME GET DUNKED ON
HABEEB IT TWINKIE HOUSE!!!!
DSFARGEG!!!!1111
NEVER EVER!!!
MY SIDES, THEY ARE GONE FOREVER, THEY'RE ORBITING LE JUPITER xD ROFLMAOWTFBBQCOPTER ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS
SIMPLY
E
B
I
N
I USED TO SHITPOST ON V BUT I TOOK AN ARROW TO THE KNEE xD
THE CAKE IS A LIE PRAISE LORD HELIX OF DoOoOoOoOMMM ^_______^ holds up spork
WE ARE THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY NI!!! WE WANT... A SHRUBBERY!!!! xDDD
I TIP MY FEDORA TO YOU MY GENTLEMENTLEMEN
VIVIAN JAMES THREAD #GG#NYS FOR ETHICS IN GAMES JOURNALISM ^)
1337 H4XOR PWNZ0R3D TO THE MAX EPIC WIN SON GIT GUD SKRUB BITCHES DON'T KNOW BOUT MAH ELO
MLG NO SCOPE 420 BLAZE IT FGT SMOKE WEED ERRYDAY
BTW I'M A GRRL GAMURR, DON'T HIT ON ME SILLY BOYS~ 33333
. i
_
GEDDIT IT'S LE B^UCKLEY FAEC XDXDXD CUPCAEKS!!!!! (SEE I'M SO RANDUMB xD)
BANE OF COURSH!!! CHECK MAH DUBS AND BE A BIG GOY (FOR JEW)
JOHN SNOW DIED
TYRION DIED
STANNIS DIED
STARK HOUSE IS KILL
ADACHI TOHRU IS A SERIAL KILLER
HINAWA DIES ON CHAPTER 1
CLAUS WAS THE MASKED MAN
TAZMILY VILLAGE WAS A POSTAPOCALYPTIC WASTELAND
YOU'RE THE REAL SHADES AND NIER WAS KILLING HUMANS
YOU CAN DIG TO HELL BY MINING OUT THE BLUE ORE
DAILY REMINDER THAT WHERE WERE YOU WHEN VERLISIFY WAS RIGHT DIGGERSBY THO JUST INJECT IT FAGGET ^))))))
unsheaths daikatana
FUS ROH DAH!!!!!
TOP KEK HERE
MIDDLE LEL THERE
BOTTOM JEJ OVER THERE
SIDEWAYS WEW IN U'RE MUM'S ASS FUKKIN #REKT U WOT M80
LEL U MAD BRAH xD

>>722262770
Dear Franklin

I don't give a fuck about your rules
I live here, and if someone uses MY fridge, I'm going to assume the food left in there is for me. You won't know who I am, and I'll do it everyday. Keep your shit out of my fridge.

-I fucking hate you Frank

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>>722262851
To: IT Dept Head
Cc: The Boss

Can we get someone from IT to check the security measure in place on the companies servers. Looks like the hacker known as anonymous is targeting us again.

Thanks,
Frank in Accounting

>>722261848
>>722262052
Alright guys, I don't wanna be the one to say this...But Bill's imaginary family is really starting to affect his work and sanity. Once I caught him on his phone texting, and I kept an eye on him to make sure he was still doing his work. That's when I heard another phone ding with a message, sure enough, Bill had another phone. He read the text on the other phone and let out a weird feminine giggle, then texted the first phone back. As he started reading the message he sent to himself I walked over there and asked if everything was alright. You know what he said? He said, "Oh nothing Chris, just texting my wife!" We gotta do something about this, it ain't healthy.

>>722263094
Hey, hey. Slow down. I understand that you're frustrated, but that's no kind of language to use in the workspace

G. Richardson, Accounting

PS. please sign your emails.

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>>722263094
Rply: I hate you...
Cc: Human Resources

As a reminder the custodial junior staff are to refrain from entering the Executive lounge.

Frank in Accounting

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Hello, and welcome to your first day on the Job.

I've been tasked with presenting to you your new Office cubicle! I sure hope you've brought all your supplies and decor. Please feel free to give your new workstation your own personal touch.

>>722263274
Fucking hell Daryl, why didn't you say anything about this earlier? You think we should call up HR or something? I don't want him to figure out it was us that got him canned. He just looks like the kind of guy that would walk in on ya and just shoot your brains out in front of your kids.

>>722262605
This is an office Harrold, not a high school. Get back to work.

Chris O. Office Manager

>>722261685

Frank,

Fill out bForm_530.A and have your work center supervisor sign it off at the bottom, then bring it down the hall to the left to myself or Dave.

Charles, Logistics and Supply

>>722263696
Yeah, I think that'd be a good idea Tim. He's always been nice, but the guy has problems! I don't know what he's capable of, and I've got kids to feed ya know?

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>>722263647
Rply: All

Please make sure you are using only your own supplies brought from home. The company will not approve any expense report with decor items listed. Thanks.

Frank in Accounting

>BUILDING FIRE ALARM SOUNDS CONTINUOUSLY
>BUILDING FIRE ALARM SOUNDS CONTINUOUSLY
>BUILDING FIRE ALARM SOUNDS CONTINUOUSLY
>BUILDING FIRE ALARM SOUNDS CONTINUOUSLY
>BUILDING FIRE ALARM SOUNDS CONTINUOUSLY

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Hey faggots you have been visited by Paul the Britbong Paedo. Reply hello paedo or he will rape all the children in your family in their sleep..

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>>722261871
>>722261871
Hey there, Ted from HR here. You might remember me from the other office. Im gonna need a letter of resignation for your unregistered office relationship

>>722264186
Do we need to talk to the GM about this or do we just call up HR our selves? Is it possible to make the call anonymous? I think it is but shit I don't remember...

>>722264260
Jesus fucking christ, what's on fire?! I swear to god if one of you pulled the fire alarm for a joke you're fired!

>>722264431
The HR manager is a fucken cuck.

Charles, Supply and Logistics

>>722264426
you mean the one with my girl friend who used to work with Sam? The same girl friend that doesn't work for our company in any capacity?
I would like to speak to your supervisor. I have a formal complaint to file

>>722264431
Don't worry, I'll call in a tip that Bill might not be all there, and I'll tell him that I don't wanna be associated or named when Bill finds out or if he gets fired. I hope they don't fuck me over, or you'll catch me wearing a bullet proof vest to the office.

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>>722264426
To: Ted in HR

Hey Ted,

Good to see you again. We didn't talk much before, but I was happy to see you back. I also transfered to this company after the debacle with the new merger with Dubai and then North Korea. Glad to be at a place that really appreciates our talents. Let's grab lunch this Wed. It's on me.

Frank in Accounting

>>722264533
Charley I am right here. This is just a normal talk, you're not even on your computer for fucksake. You don't have to end every sentence you say with your little "Charles, Supply and Logistics" liner every time.

But you are totally right, the guy is a huge cuck.

>>722265023
Do you have any extras? We may all be fucked if he hears word. Do you have any sick days left?

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>>722263647
>>722264232
Ready for my first day, Boss-man!

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To: Charles in Logistics

Hey Charles,

Heads up the items I previously requested were delivered, but put in the wrong vending machines. I ladies in the office are pissed this in the lounge. I think this may become and HR items if your department doesn't get this sorted rather fast. Thanks.

Frank in Accounting

>>722261198
My computer isn't working.

McAllister

>>722265023
I'm sorry, but I must report you to corporate for insinuating any kind of gun violence in our office. You know (as you signed the contract when you started here) that there is a strict policy against any kind of threat, sub-threat, implied threat, threat of a threat, or even thinking of making a threat.

Sincerely,
Ted from HR

>>722265049
Happy to see you after that spectacle with the CEO (that we're not at liberty to talk about) it would be great to get together with you and hear your thoughts on the merger! I'm good for lunch on Wednesday. Where do you want to go?

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Hi I'm the new intern

>>722265272
I've got a good amount of my sick days left, if shit hits the fan I'll take a week or so off. Hopefully things'll cool down by then. You got any left? I mean, even if I wasn't the guy sending the tip, I'd still take a few days off just to be sure he doesn't shoot up the place while I'm there.

>>722265899
Hi, Ted from HR here. That outfit is completely inappropriate, and I'm going to have to suspend you for two days without pay. I trust this will not be happening again.

>>722265935
I just got 4 left. Had to take off some time to find a new baby sitter and all that jazz after my wife left me and I got custody of the kid after her wild escapades. Not easy being a single dad

>>722265935

I think this was sent to the wrong email box. Who is this. Please sign your emails.

Jessica in Operations

>>722265626
Don't you bullshit me Ted, I'm coming to you with a serious issue and I'm the one getting shit on for it? I'm not making any threats, or threats of threats, I'm worried about the mental state of one of my co-workers, and the safety of the people in this office.

>>722261198
Who is in charge here? I have a delivery for this office.

>>722264810
I, Ted, am the supervisor for the HR department at Businesscorp Incorporated, so you may speak your greavences freely with me.

>>722265604
Then how did you send this email?

-IT

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>>722266365
Hi Brittany ventti here. I'm in charge. Give me the waiver

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>>722265899
Hi, What's you name?

Feel free to stop by my office in accounting if you want a crash course in the numbers. I hear every bit of experience you gather looks great on your college record and better on your resume after graduation.

Frank in Accounting

>>722266333
Please express any concerns to me because I am also the head of all HR here at Businesscorp Incorporated. I will handle any worries or conflicts you have with any of your co-workers

>>722266264
Ah, It's Daryl from Administrative, I'm talking with my co-worker Tim about the mental state of one of the employees here named Bill. He's in a bad state right now and I'm worried.

>>722266535
Brittany,

As a reminder the receptionists will refrain from saying they are "in charge." Please sign off on the package and make sure it gets to Charles in Logistics.
>Barbara - HR Coordinator

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First act as boss is to fire ted from hr

>>722266890
Ok
>signs waiver

>>722266180
I feel ya, well take a day just to be safe. I'll notify you when I send the tip in.

>>722266733
Hiya Daryl,

No problem. I just wanted to check. When i got an email without a signature I thought I was getting pranked again since the Christmas party where I had a few drinks. No one ever let's me live that down.

On another note though I have heard some things about that. So what is going with him?

Jessica in Operations

>>722267058
ok. page me as soon as you find out what the verdict is

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>>722266936
You aren't even the boss, sir. And from my correspondence with corporate, you never will be. Please refrain from creating any divide in the relationship we all have together here at Businesscorp Incorporated. Its the only way we can move forward as a company.

Sincerely,

Ted from HR

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>>722265857
Hi Ted,

Tell me about it. I actually heard about this new sushi joint called the Short Kimono. Sorta like that tilted Scottish place or the two peaks joint, but with Japanese food. The scenery isn't too bad either. I was gonna take lunch around 11:30 let me know if that works.

Frank in Accounting

>>722266726
It's about my co-worker Bill. I don't think he's in his right mind. I'll send you a link to a previous message I sent to some office friends about the situation, as my worries stem from the story told in that email. If word does get back to Bill could you please keep me anonymous? I don't want any trouble if he turns out to be hostile, so I hope you'll accept my request.

Daryl - Research Administrator

>>722267130
Jessica, I have pictures of your pussy.

>>722267285
Yes I am

>>722267689
>>722266726
Here is the email as promised
>>722263274

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Hey guys, sorry I'm a couple hours late and missed the meeting and everything but I brought donuts. Means I'm still cool, right?

Hey anon, the girls and I are going to get Dave fired.

We need you to tell HR that you saw Dave commit sexual assault in the office.

If everything goes right, Rachel will get Dave's position and the men in the office will finally be put in their place.

What do you say anon, are you going help us?

wew

>>722267619
Frank, you dog, how did you know I have a thing for Asian girls? 11:30 is good for me, let's do it!

Sincerely,

Ted from HR

>>722267130
Well I'll send you a link to an email I wrote about him, but I just think his behavior is very concerning. The experience I wrote about in my email is what drove me to finally say something about him. Bill's nice, keeps to himself, but he's kind to everybody in the office. But, lately I and several other co-workers have noticed something disturbing. He's claiming he needs to take time off work to spend time with his family, which is normal. Only, Bill doesn't have a family. No kids, no wife, nothing. He must be real lonely, and I would feel sorry for him, but I think he's snapped.
Heres the email, I wrote to Barbara about this too.
>>722263274

>>722267841
Thank you for the seemingly disturbing bit of information. I will be looking into this. If anything happens with him though (legally that is) I will most definitely need you as a witness for the company's case against him. We can't have Businesscorp Incorporated taking any flak for a disturbed employee.

Sincerely,

Ted from HR

>>722267945
Please have a letter of resignation on my desk by 3pm sharp today. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Ted From HR

>>722261198
Did ya get that thing I sent ya?

>>722268362
Oh, apologies, I've gotten too used to casual office messaging

Daryl - Research Administrator

SHUT UP YOU FUCKING NIGGER!

My head is spinning because I want to kill everyone. Cold sweat seeps from every pore. I can feel their looks and it makes me utter guttural obscenities with just enough volume to be heard but quiet enough to not be menacing. I hear someone laugh and assuming its about me, start pacing back and forth like a caged animal. I see the office cocksucker looking in my direction while talking to the boss. Its all over. I die with a sharp jerk from a brain aneurysm trying not fucking murder everyone.

did anyone hear that? it sounded like someone said the N word.... nah must be my imagination

STUPID NIGGERS!

there it was again....

>>722268440
Damn, I understand Ted. I just hope it doesn't come to that.

Daryl - Research Administrator

>>722261576
SEVERELY underated post

>>722269027
If it starts interfering with our jobs we can send a complaint, for now, try to ignore it.

Which one of you Faggots turned the ac off?

Hello, this is James with Ricoh Printer repair. I heard you were having an issue with your laserjet printer jamming? Can somebody show me to the printer?

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Hey everyone, sorry it took so long, but you can finally pick your offices. Remember, the CEO is visiting today, so everyone be on your best behavior.

Emily, Senior VP of Marketing

>>722261576
We should all take our clothes off.

>>722269564
Somebody complained the air conditioning was "sexist", and got it turned off.

>>722269195
Hey, Daryl... it's me. Just wondering if you ever got any news. My pager was acting weird so if you sent something I may not have gotten it. Anyways, wanted you to know my daughter is missing. I put out an Amber alert but no new leads or anything from the police. I am afraid it is Frank. He even tried adding her on facebook the other day.
I am scared Daryl.

>>722269725
I'll take suite e

Daryl - Research Administrator

>>722269853
Sorry, meant to say Bill. damn auto correct

General Memo:

Disregard promiscous ladies, acquire currency.

Sinceresly, Anon Y. Moose

What's the deal with Jim and the receptionist? They've totally swapped baked bean cans. Maybe I should get in on that.

Creed in Quality Assurance

>>722269853
Holy shit Tim that's awful! Has Frank been in the last couple of days? I've been to his apartment before (you remember how we had to work on a few assignments together last spring?) If you want to see if he's got her, his address is in my GPS, you can pick it up whenever you want.

>>722269980
Oh shit Tim, that's bad. You know I haven't actually seen him for a day or two, I figured he was at home with playing pretend. I don't know his address, and I sent in the tip about Bill. Contact somebody about this Tim, I'm sorry I couldn't be of much help.

Does anyone know how to make the printer work, it's getting to my nerves that everytime I need to print something there always comes a huge phalus image of sorts before what I'm printing.

If my supervisor or anyone sees it I might get in trouble because they might think it's me.

Please help,
Anon Y. Moose
Public Relations

>>722268757
A man's corpse continues to lay there seemingly unnoticed by the neurotic office dwellers. He seems to be at peace with everything in this state.

>>722270407
Well, her address IS my address.. I am freaking out because when I came back from work 2 nights ago one of the windows by the kitchen was busted out and her room looks unusually messy. I mean she is a teenager but there were tears and scratches and a trail of broken and thrown about things on the ground leading out the door.

The police said they would let me know if they got any news. They went by his place and no one is there. Apparently no one has lived there in a long time.

>>722270771

I don't know if I will make it in to work tomorrow, it is getting too hard to concentrate on work

>>722261198

I'm sick of this office.

I work in IT.

I set up a scheduled job that does the following;
Deletes all users from AD.
Disables internet connectivity (probably using bad dns or gateway info).
Crashes databases.
Puts porn as people's screensavers.

All while I'm out at lunch.

I come back and 'determine' that it's someone I dislike who brought a virus into the system. Blame them.

Then quit cuz they don't pay me enough to deal with this crap.

>>722261198
Hey you wanna try that new Thai place?

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>>722269593
Please help

>>722271072

Ted from HR here.

I suggest you hand in a letter of resignation. We don't need people who aren't team players here at Businesscorp Incorporated.

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Interoffice Memo

It has come to attention that the expense reports being submitted are not in compliance with our standards practices and proceedures. You cannot write "hookers" "oh, shit Larry got laid" or "ladies of the night" as an explanation for the line item. For the last time, please list all such expenses as "meals and entertainment." Thank you.

Frank in Accounting

>>722261198
I have a gun. If you dont reply to this post your mother will die in her sleep tonight

>>722272943
Security is on the way to apprehend you.

Sincerely,

Ted from HR

>>722272943
>>722273145
Good man Ted

>>722273747
Please don't use fowl language or say anything that may offend your fellow workers here at Businesscorp Incorporated.

Sincerely,

Ted from HR

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>>722273993
>fowl language

>>722262605
I'm reporting you to HR for sexual harassment.
- Hannah

>>722272943
ACTIVE SHOOTER!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VcSwejU2D0

>>722267700
To: Human Resources

Ted,

I think someone is trying to blackmail me in a hostile work environment. Please advise.

Jessica in Operations