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I translate shit into English from a language spoken by only

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 286
Thread images: 28

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I translate shit into English from a language spoken by only about two million people...
>>
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I have a job
>>
put trash every where
>>
>>721572590
fpbp
>>
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>>721572590
lol, it's funny... cause you're unemployed!
>>
I am a Theist
>>
>>721572473
I take apart computers, de-compile operating systems and lock computers with unrecoverable passwords.
>>
I have a low salary physical outdoors job. I guess, I'm a gardener now.
>>
I guess I'd become a liquor prohibitionist
>>
>>721572473
i sell feelbad powder.
>>
>>721572590
This
>>
I take raw food from people.
>>
>>721572473
I am reverse-engineering useful objects
>>
>>721572473
I Uncook and Uprepare dishes that people created by putting shit in theri poophole and spitting it perfectly normal out....
>>
>>721572473
Slovene?
>>
>>721572473
I bring people back to life
>>
I dont work hard at a job i now have
>>
>>721572473
What's the opposite of translating?
>>
Pizza drives me?
>>
I'm an artist.

So I guess I'm a lawyer now.
>>
>>721572949
Close enough, but no.
>>
>>721572473
30 others and I gather in a room to teach one guy
>>
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>>721572473
People pay me to fuck em over in court
>>
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>>721572819
*tips his faedora at you*
>>
>>721572473
You translate English to Slovenian?
>>
>>721573341
*tips back*
>>
call people up and piss them off by taking minutes and data off of their phones
>>
I unrape little girls and unsold videos on the anti internet
>>
>>721572473
i work now

i even leave the house once a day
>>
>>721572473

what is the opposite of sitting at a desk all day fucking off on a computer?

actually working?
>>
I make Dutch celebrities fat(ter)
>>
I help children unlearn everything they know
>>
>>721572473
I destroy machine learning papers.
>>
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>>721573343
No. Again, close, but no cigar.
>>
I drive a truck to people's houses and suck the propane out of there tanks so they freeze. And I take there propanevaccesories
>>
>>721572473

i throw up lots of small bits of unfood for a tiny company then don't tell them how they could make it worse
>>
I'd be an aircraft saboteur
>>
>>721572473
Macedonian?
>>
You want some remodeling done. You gut your kitchen. I come in and rip your main panel off the wall in the basement and cut holes in your second floor master bedroom.
>>
>>721572473
i take complex metal items and use tiny metal pieces to build cubes and cylinders with the help of
awful working big machines
>>
repir computers

I have the best job Ever!!
>>
>>721572473
I convince people to kill themselves...
>>
i plant trees and encourage them to grow into powerlines
>>
>>721572473
I get off the internet and find little girls for pedophiles.
>>
>>721574237
that sounds awesome
>>
I tell people how to spend their money
>>
>>721572473

I try & stop people from buying beer, wine, & liquor.
>>
I carefully degrade complex chemicals into simple ones
>>
>>721572473
I take the food away from your table.
>>
>>721572473
I get too drunk and start fights
>>
I simply buy products from stores.
>>
I play some sport
>>
>>721572473
Hacking into computers and networks. Make a lot more money as long as I don't get caught...
>>
>>721572473
I go out and steal food and drinks from people
>>
>>721574791

so now you are me!
>>
I heal the wounds of dead animal carcasses
>>
Instead of paste/copy I now copy/paste. Win win either way.
>>
I make intergalactic space stations.
>>
I destroy furniture! Fuck yeah!
>>
Well paid hitman
>>
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>>721572473
I'm a food taste tester.

Living the life!
>>
>>721572473

Be a drunken fuck head who gets kicked out of night clubs
>>
>>721572473
I'm a computer de-programmer?
>WTF?
>>
>>721572473
Run a successful company instead of a falling one.
>>
>>721572473
I... I'm not even entirely sure. I guess I'd either inform criminals about how to get past company's security, or I help criminals proof their operations against intrusion by the police.
>>
>>721572473
I stand behind a camera and do nothing. And occasionally stand whatever the opposite of being in front of a microphone is and say nothing.
>>
>>721572473
i tear down shelves
>>
I spend the day deleting lines of code.
>>
>>721572473
I give people money for their furniture while literally saying nothing.
>>
I receive ugly things from people and break them apart
>>
>>721575199
You're a goddamn digital virus.
>>
I destroy people's teeth!
>>
>>721573253
That's different how?
>>
I murder people after torturing them.
>>
I disrupt the flow of traffic at sporting events
>>
>>721572590
this
>>
I break in company buildings, open windows, switch 0n lights, opne faucets, open gas and chemikal containers and leave again
>>
>>721572940
so you currently engineer impractical and useless items
>>
I take the concrete and compose things in an orderly fashion according to an exact formula with no room for deviation.
>>
I dismantle electrical equipment and replace working parts with failed parts like burnt fuses and capacitors, short-circuited coils and wiring, faulty switches and I/O modules, burnt bulbs, etc. I then leave the equipment de-energized and walk away.
>>
I'm mean to reatards in public.
>>
>>721575984
if you read the op closely, it says "opposite".
>>
>>721574790
so, you just bring them food now? Someone else takes it away?
>>
>>721572473
I'm now a person who constantly needs to rent cars for business and personal use
>>
I'm a criminal.
>>
>>721572922
Lel
>>
I resurrect people.
>>
>>721572473
Uhm, I guess... I buy insurance
>>
>>721572473
Armenian?
>>
>>721576107
he's a retard who's nice to everyone in public i guess
>>
>>721572473
I burn archaeologists?
>>
I'm a one-time healer.
>>
>>721572473
the opposite of nothing is something i guess...
>>
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hacking the planet...
>>
I destroy VERY tiny A/C Coils.... and then I buy the scraps from anyone... especially not walmart.
>>
>>721572473
Apparently I'm putting stuff out of shelves of a grocery store on pallets and send them to farmers.
>>
>>721572473
I make children stupider than they already are
>>
>>721572473
I tear up rectifiers.
>>
>>721576713
yeah, you're a teacher, but you need to say the opposite of what you do
>>
I train dogs.
>>
>>721572940
are you from the middle east?
>>
>>721572473

I kill plants.
>>
>>721572473
Welsh?
>>
>>721572473
I make sure the servers are offline.
[spoiler]
This game sucks[/spoiler]
>>
>>721576781
kek
>>
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Destroy customer's windshields/windows and tell them their life does indeed suck, and that their accident isn't my problem, and that they should fucking kill themselves.
>>
>>721572590
/thread
>>
>>721572473
I spread disease and break bones
>>
i am an assassin
>>
I put my clothes on while women take dollars out of my pants
>>
I take CG out of movies?
>>
>>721572473
I make dogs misbehave and make them forget tricks
>>
I buy thousands of accounts weekly on playerauctions
>>
>>721572473
I go to random shows and trash the band's instruments, unplug the soundsystem, dismantle the stage, and turn off the lights. Then I go to sleep.
>>
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>>721572473
I leave stone tablets with news and entertainment. I rip out wireing aswell. fuck everyone
>>
>>721572473
I don't have a job
>>
Take down displays and sending them back to factories
>>
>>721573247
Kek
>>
>>721577384
You get a job
/thread
>>
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>>721577473
Is that the opposite?... Do you have one, or?... You know what, forget it. Who the fuck cares....
>>
>>721577618
Fuck replied to wrong post kek
>>
I turn beautiful car interiors into disgusting abominations.
>>
>>721572909
So you buy feel good plasma?
>>
i mostly uninstall printers and break really good and functional dental software while receptionists and dentists teach me how to use the very good software
>>
>>721577710
yeh, b/c i clearly have a job.
>>
>>721572473
C.E.O
>>
>>721572473
I'd be laying in a hospital bed slowly dying while I hope and pray someone, anyone, would come and see me...day after day would be filled with pain and confusion and the suffocating sense of a life coming to it's end. Opposite day would suck.
>>
I'm an arsonist now.
>>
>>721577981
im so glad you're not
>>
I remove drugs and send people to get surgically fucked up until they get sick. They usually get better on their own.

Sometimes people come back to life and that's pretty cool.
>>
I work for Julian Assange?
>>
>>721572473
doctor i guess?
>>
>>721575767
consumer drone yes
>>
>>721572473
I go around the country ruining music festivals and stealing people's tickets.
>>
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>>721577741
>>
>>721578350
holy shit you are right. the opposite of a car designer is exhibit.
>>
>>721577949
nurse?
>>
>>721578084
My boss would be less of an asshole
>>
>>721578536
palliative care nurse...yup!
>>
>>721572473
I steal food from people then make it inedible and refrigerate or freeze it. When the fridge gets full I throw the stuff away.
>>
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>>721572473
I uhh.. destroy cars for a living
>>
I give money to people who are running away from me on the train. Then I whistle and kick them all out. Tellîng them to not be in a hurry. Then they have to guess where we will go.
>>
>>721573253
no but the point of the thread is that it's the opposite of your job
>>
I protest in the name of black lives matter
>>
I guess I go to people's houses and steal their towels, sheets, and kitchen appliances.
>>
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>>721572473

I run a truck that cools water down and sucks it out of oil wells, causing wax to form and gumming them up.
>>
>>721572473
I buy drugs and request forged school and grad documents
>>
>>721572473
I do some sort of job that involves sitting by myself, talking to nobody, not writing, and nothing that involves math, financial systems, or information systems. I think I'm a painter or sculptor, or some other nonsense such as this. Ah abstract painter.
>>
>>721574237
I'd break them, so naturally I'd be a pilot.
>>
>>721573003
producing shit no one can read duhhhhhhhhh
>>
>>721573142
I'm a lawyer. So I guess I'm an artist now. And I don't even like Starbucks
>>
>>721572473
Hunt down rapists.
>>
I make people pay fines to big companies that use asbestos because how dare they get sick from working.
>>
Write functioning software.
>>
I guess I crash cars while not in them?
>>
I'm a cyber terrorist now
>>
I buy books from college students for far more than they are worth
>>
esperanto
?
>>
Take shopping carts out of the store and put them in the parking lot, making sure not to put them in the cart return
>>
I halt the production of video games, especially by deleting code.
>>
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Work hard at mind numbing futile tasks...
>>
I encourage birds on to the airfield
>>
I make healthy people sick by dehydrating them, taking away their medications, giving them infections and suffocating them in a small overstaffed building
>>
I guess I shoot missiles into space and take down satellites I guess. Don't really know the opposite of satcom
>>
>>721580873

Strangely enough here in Britain the NHS has been known to do exactly that
>>
I cut steel structures apart and throw them in a pile
>>
>>721581056

How about " i don't charge people a fucking fortune per minute " ?
>>
>>721581223
Oh. I don't actually deal with civilians.
Military satcom.
>>
>>721572473
I is n illiterate overweyt american who knows nuffin bout compudas.
>>
>>721573020
In Soviet Russia, pizza delivers you!
>>
>>721581556

Ah i see im a brit radio ham and still occasionally here comms on the old fleet satcom birds around 260 megs
>>
I demolish buildings.
>>
I make everyone pay way more taxes than they should
>>
>>721572473
Destroy I.T. Infrastructures and autistic web developers' lives.
>>
I get to trash rooms
>>
>>721582057
Yay small business accountants!
>>
>>721581893
I mainly deal with Ka and Ku, X if the weathers bad. Honestly don't do much, only an e3
>>
>>721572473
Well, considering I don't have a job at all right now, I guess my new job is "Everything"
>>
I'm a food critic now. Cool.
>>
>>721582142
Exactly
>>
>>721572473
Kill everyone
>>
>>721572473
I make teeth crooked...? I ruin smiles? Does that make me a clown?
>>
>>721582234
Awesome
This was me bro;
>>721582069
>>
>>721575773
>I take the concrete and compose things in an orderly fashion according to an exact formula with no room for deviation.

You see this is why a designer should never go to site... it would hurt their soul too much
>>
>>721575199
Fuck off system32 i already deleted you
>>
Where you from by the way?
>>721582142
>>
>>721582326
No it makes you a jew
>>
>>721582144

Still sounds like fun i was just listening to the 352 special operations wing doing some exercises around the north Norfolk coast ( England ) Google planeplotter to find out how we track them
>>
Be healthy
>>
>>721582401
Turkey
>>
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>>721572473

>Go to college full time
I guess I get progressively dumber?
Or...teach?

I guess I'm a teacher now?
>>
I write code that works
>>
>>721572473
I break iPhones and iPads.
Damn, feels good man.
>>
>>721572979
Lol
>>
>>721582492
Hails from U.K. my friend.
>>
My job is to hand out $1 bills to men in a brightly lit room while they get sexually uninterested by my modest clothing and rigid body movements.
>>
>>721582462
Normally just set up and maintain the antennas.
Then call for access.
Other than that, just keep comms up so the higher ups can facebook.
>>
>>721582524
You must be really old.
>>
>>721582534
can't you just sell them on ebay?
>>
Call tech support help desk cause I'm stupid and should of never been hired to do my job since I don't even know how to turn a of on
>>
>>721572473
I teach peopel alot of languages like somali and arabic to others
>>
>>721582833
Old enough to remember my first job writing in COBOL
>>
>>721582410
How is a jew the opposite of an orthodontist?
>>
I gather children and youngsters in one room only to force them to forget all that has been learnt through their school day.
>>
>>721572473
I'm now a Japanese company man.
>>
>>721582829

Your still doing good work though, in my day the only option for long distance was short wave and them sun spots never seemed to want to cooperate
>>
>>721572473
So I work as a customer now?
>>
>>721572473

Break military aircafts
>>
I kill all pets that I see brought in to me then pay the owners for the privilege. well,I'm fucked up
>>
>>721583185
Almost went into short range, but stuff happened and I didn't, they're actually trying to phase out that mos.
But I'm supposed to crosstrain too, so I do some IT, networking, basic electronic shit too.
>>
>>721583123

Did anyone ever find out what happened to the 288 processor ?
>>
>>721582184
The opposite of that being? A fat fuck with horrible taste?
>>
>>721572473
I guess I help people to forget how to speak English
>>
>>721572473
I suppose since i work at a cash register I now put shit that others bought back on shelves
>>
>>721574624
You don't do that already?
>>
I repair animal flesh after taking it out of a package.
>>
I'm not disappointing my parents anymore.
>>
I make systems as vulnerable as possible to make sure as many hackers and criminals can get hold of companies private information as possible. Of course, I also love my co-workers who always ask for tech-support.
>>
>>721572473
I uncook things
>>
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>>721572473
>I put chemicals in strategic locations so the most number of people get infected

I'm a goddamn super villain
>>
I drown people
>>
>>721583359

The shortwave is almost over the reach flights are thin on the ground these days and the RAF using ascot callsigns are also disappearing iits old tech and the latest stuff doesn't even have it fitted
>>
>>721572473
I take apart automata machines via pushing them off tall things. I am a software engineer.
>>
I take modern, CMS-based, social media integrated and well optimized websites from clients and turn them into static pages with wacky backgrounds, comics sans font and marquees all over.
>>
I'm Hillary Clinton
>>
>>721572473
I call customers of Time Warner Cable and bitch at them for a change?
>>
>>721583461
are you talking about the burroughs 1700?
That's getting a slight bit before my professional time.
>>
>>721584471
"I turn static sites into vulnerable misery"

"CMS-based" is about the most cancerous thing I can imagine.
>>
I find where people are living, kick them out and destroy their homes. I also find people walking in the street and throw them in the bar.
>>
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I put dogs to wake
>>
>>721584613

Nah i meant pc cpu's

086
088
286
386
486
Pentium

and whatever they are now the 288 just never appeared
>>
>>721572473
I'm an enterprise representative who calls microsoft with retarded questions about my cloud software subscriptions.
>>
I tear shit down and then build new shit so I already so opposites of my job.
>>
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I create animals by grafting steaks together.
>>
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>>721572473
I help Satan consume the souls of the innocent.
>>
>>721572819
nigga how the fuck is being an atheist a job
>>
>>721575396
...as opposed to an analog virus?

I am now a user :(
>>
I pay men to have sex with me
>>
>>721580850
Hahaha
>>
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>>721585040
>>
I invite criminals into a location to vandalized and fuck things up
>>
>>721585264
the fuck is a priest doing on /b/
>>
I'm making cars dirty while everything i know about chemistry is sucked out of my brain by a book
>>
>>721585399

And i never ever shoot at drones
>>
>>721572473
I siphon gas from people's cars and give them money for it at a rate that changes every day.
>>
>>721584631
I don't really care as long as I get paid. Wordpress is the hype for the last few years, probably got a few more to go. If this is what clients want, this is what I give them.
>>
>>721584873
Cause the moved from 8-bit processors to 16-bit extension
>>
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>>721584528
Underrated post Thanks for your service Mr. Trump
>>
>>721584528
how's it going president bannon?
>>
I disassemble furniture
>>
I found electrical installations that are working and make shit out of them, so nobody can ever fix it.
>>
I call people up and verbally abuse them, convince them to fuck up their credit, and make sure they're in tears by the time I hang up on their ass.
>>
i remove features from software
>>
>>721585749

If you need to heavy-hand why something is so funny...it's not funny at all.
>>
>>721585533

Ah, well my 286 with half a meg and dos 3 really did fly so i guess that makes sense if i remember right you had to put xtreegold on to it so you had something to look at
>>
>>721572473
I destroy CPAP masks for Phillips Resperonics
>>
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>>721585449
“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:17
>>
>>721572473
I don't jack off all day
>>
work in the DEA
>>
I promise to lead the nation into turmoil while actually making it great again.
>>
>>721572473
I spend hundreds of hours making it so that processes that are currently fully automated, can be done by people in sweatshops instead.
>>
car derby destruction
>>
>>721572473
I ignore adults
>>
I actually make video games, as opposed to sitting on my ass for 7 hours posting on twitter and /v/ and only dedicating 1 hour to actual game development.
>>
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>>721585918
>>
>>721572473
I do actual laborous work while piles of dirt sit in my car and play video games
>>
>>721572473
I go to a school and make the most challenging kids behave worse i suppose.
>>
>>721572473
I undo websites
>>
>>721580008
So IRL you rape hunters?
>>
>>721580175
kek, same here

I also write original code to do it with maximum efficiency.
>>
>>721572473
I drive around to people's houses buying pizza from them.
>>
Guess I pump gas now
>>
>>721583280
underrated post
>>
I would coordinate hit and runs
>>
>>721583040
>should of
>turn a of on
I believe that.
>>
>>721586253
>>
I take pizza apart amd glue vegetable pieces back together
>>
>>721572473
I'm getting anesthesia for my open heart surgery. FUCK
>>
>>721572473
I carefully unpack pallets of kiwifruit and remove them from their boxes before driving them to the orchard and placing them back on the vine.
Then I monitor them as they shrink into nothing.
>>
I go around the world and put seemingly useless things together so it becomes something useful.Then that thing gets bought for a bargain from regular people whose lives are now better.

I am a trader, I move money around and create nothing, but more money for me.
>>
I advise and implement the worst ways to protect yourself from loss to property real and personage
>>
I guess i sell drugs on the corner now.
>>
I scrub data from a National Geographic retail website. I find the best handmade products from around the world and I erase all mention of them.
>>
>>721572473
I think that means I hit people with cars and tell them they're fucked and they're gonna die?
>>
>>721577908
Eaglesoft or nah
>>
>>721572473
I come round to your house and break your pipes and make your taps leak. Occasionally I will block your toilet by jamming a massive shit wrapped in toilet paper down the pan.
Often I will come around and wreck your boiler so that you can enjoy cold water.
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