I've had a fucking ace university graduation, with honors, searched for a job, applied for gov support, months pass, they tell me I get none. Apply for emergency social support, dad earns too much, get none. At 29, my gov tells me to drain my parents like a fucking leech, before they'd give me anything. I can't even apply for housing support. I'm fucking jobless for the last three months, constantly looking for jobs I could do well with my degree, nothing. I'm fucking angry as fuck and it's eating me up.
>>720684351 it really isn't. it takes a lot of desperation and suffering to get past your survival instinct. not to mention that if you don't have easy access to guns it can be tough to find a reliable method.
It is noon on a Sunday morning and I am pretty drunk. I'm about to leave to make mistakes with a coworker, and I know it's a mistake, but I cannot help myself. Just like I cannot help myself to more booze. My life is a goddamn mess, and it's become this vicious circle where I drink because my life is a mess, but my life is a mess because I drink.
I'm at the point now where it seems like nothing really matters, and I should probably just kill myself and get it over with instead of slowly dying from liver failure, but I also cannot be bothered to do that. Fuck.
I want my girlfriend to spend more time with me, however if i keep asking she might think im clingy as fuck. >I'm at the point in my life where i want a hug and kiss every morning when i leave for work.
>>720684293 what profession are you looking for? >>720685091 welp, it's not over, I know someone with cp charges but they were let free after a little while >>720685933 burn in hell >>720685986 who cares what people think? just say it, not 'fuck off' but phrase it in a different way >>720686424 it's worrying that she doesn't kiss and hug you before work, mention it to her subtly
I seem to have issues with doing what I know I'm supposed to and it bothers me (like looking for work better than the crappy place I have, cleaning more often than "when I can't even stand it" , getting up at a proper time etc.)
i'm an illustrator and musician. laugh as much as you want. I've had all kinds of jobs, worked for the ministry several times, worked at theater stages on the construction of stages, given workshops, given classes in school, worked at a museum, illustrated books, edited videos, written music, several gigs etc. the government is treating freelancers like the scum of the earth. you typically don't have a pension, pay low taxes because of the low income and your bank account is at a constant low.
>>720688275 I'm not laughing, if I didn't take this route for me I would've attempted to be an artist as well. I hope it all works out for you, I know things may be shit now but one day you'll find a dream job for yourself and say "the wait was worth it, I'm happy now" >>720688363 hmm well that's hard, I assume it was something along the lines of saving it or was it just loli? but you're right, nobody will think of something minor.
Long story short, i cut back all booze and quit all drugs in december, i was even home at new year's eve. Could say it's because my construction job ceases during the winter, but it wouldn't be true, i always had my ways to get free beers, and even make new friends in the process.
So yeah, i'm eating healthy, three beers/week tops, and all that.
Now though, i'm feeling like i'm going crazy cause of loneliness. I try to ask old friends to hang out, but they're either working or with gf's or any other excuse, really.
I know i wasn't easy to be around for the first few weeks of not drinking or smoking weed or anything, cause obviously i was tense, but it seems like they've had enough of my shit for good.
Some anons recommended going to gym, and that seems like a good idea, but i barely have enough money for food, and gym passes aren't that cheap, i also don't have any training clothes, so that's gotta wait until i can work again.
It's like i know i'm on the right track now, but i'm still unhappy as fuck.
I hate Trump and I think he is destroying this country but, at the same time, I don't know how to stop it. America isn't really made to give people without power the ability to change things. That is why being poor and having no money is absolutely the worst thing to be because we worship money. I don't agree with some of the protests against Trump because I get the impression it's largely composed of people who don't really have a goal other than to be against Trump. He cannot really be stopped no matter how much anyone protests and at best he does something so fucking retarded he gets himself impeached. Once Trump is eventually out of office, America will still continue to destroy themselves because it's completely obsessed with it's shitty democrat/republican political system. There is zero solidarity to be had in the so called united states if everyone is on edge trying to kill eachother. You got Trump's racist and nazi supporters itching to kill anyone they hate and then you got the people on the otherside that are responding to their dialogue with the same hate. Trump needs to gtfo but America will still be shit no matter what anyone does. I hate everything.
>>720689178 someone I know got in a lot of trouble with the police for saving lolicon and a video of a dude shitting on a baby (which was also counted as cp) as well as pics of actual children but he was around 12 at the time, and some of the girls were actually older than him! He still got some sort of record online and they were meant to wipe it when he reached 18 and there were no other criminal offences from him but they're not so keen to. If he was to say anything about it they're restart the case against him and could end up in him getting prosecuted even more
I cheat on my wife. I average 1 fuck buddy at a time. The side relationship last about 3-9 mobths. I rarely go 3 months without a side fuck. After each one I tell myself "okay, that was the last time.", But that's never what happens.
>>720690023 start with little things, and don't go at full force for the first few times, that'll only discourage you from starting the next time, remember, your goal is to form a habit, not to get everything done forever right now. >7 am >woke up >feel like shit >i'm gonna drink my coffee, with a cigarette, take a huge dump, and clean my room >dusting, vacuum, putting things in their places >room's organized, feeling better >forget "timing" your studying, that'll only result in you checking the clock every 30 sec >instead, set goal by pages >start with for example 10 pages, then you can check on w/e you want, then 20 pages, then how much you feel comfortable with. >same for next day, except a bit more productivity, not much, just a little, each day. >force yourself to do it EACH day, that's very important >no you don't deserve a day off >only skip if you're doing being productive another way, for over 10 hours that day. >if you're feeling really down, do pushups/situps/crunches, to get the blood flowing >also if you're still such a faggot you skip a day, burn 20$ worth of your money. You heard it right, you don't deserve that.
I've recently began trying to be social and outgoing with people on Facebook. Like messaging people and liking their stuff.
I remembered I'm not very likable and have zero personality, and I have to commit to my education and career goals. People in the career path/field of study/discipline that I am pursuing have a tendency to experience more paranoia and loneliness than others.
This is why I kind of want to be outgoing, social, and have friends while I still can, but I'm not even sure if it's a good idea. The same goes for a lot of my hobbies and favorite places and sites.
It really fucking pisses me off that I will never be able to brutally murder and dismember Cara Delevingne with an Axe. I think about doing it every second of my life and just knowing that it will never happen really makes me angry.
>>720689296 You just gotta fill your time with new activities. Most communities have free shit going on. Go volunteer somewhere or something. Try new things, meet new people. Keep it up bro sounds like you've worked hard to get to where you're at.
>>720691178 cheers man it really helped me, I think you're right in that I need to get myself in a habit. In other schools I never needed to study or do much homework, it was all play. Now I'm in college I'm getting my ass whopped and still don't do enough studying as I could be. Thanks for all of your advice and I'll do just that. Very helpful
>>720683146 My gf is a cunt. Spent an evening in the company of her family that I detest, keeping quiet because they all shout over each other. The one time I pipe up during a brief period of silence, I got a round of fucks because apparently I talked over her, when the fucking cunt wouldn't bollock anybody else that shouted over her. Fuck her, fuck her family, fuck this shit. I should just ditch the bitch and be fucking done with it. I bet if she could cuck me, she would. Cunt.
Stop already with the insecurities. Fear and loathing is a waste of time. Stand up, go into the bathroom and look in the mirror and tell yourself "I can do this, I can do anything. I've got this, no matter what. Everything is within me to anything I set my mind accomplishing."
>>720683146 >be me >43 >been married twice >have always lived with a wife or gf >get divorced 3 years ago >buy my own house >live alone for 4-5 months, little bro moves in >he's filthy...throws dentil floss in the toilet..washes his receipts...leaves the place a mess >finally throw him out >finally living alone >long time friend moves in >the fucker is a fucking slob...spills shit and doesn't clean it up...cooks nasty ass food and makes the house smell like a fart...drives in my grass...parks in my grass. i point out all this shit to him and he plays dumb >why can't i just have 1 solid fucken year solitude??????
I'm a 20yo, 260 pounds fatass and during the last regular check up my doctor told something is wrong with my body due to I'm too fucking fat and I'm going to die if I don't lose weight now. The problem is I don't even feels like living anymore. There are nothing to keep me going. Yeah I losed weight, now what? Am I going to be happy? Am I finally going to success on something? No. I'm still that piece of shit I used to be. I tried to change, but I failed, in less than 2 weeks, I gave up on my diet and exercise. I tried to change my attitude towards life, but I ended up being depressing again. I just want the doctor to shut up so I won't feel guilty. I just wanna die peacefully.
>>720683146 I want to work with technology in some way for my career but learning Java has been one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. none of it clicks for me and none of it makes sense. everything else I've learned in my life up till this point has made at least a little bit of sense; hell, I'm learning Japanese right now and that's been a cakewalk compared to Java.
how am I going to survive in this industry with only incredibly base-level knowledge of a central aspect of the industry?
thinking about maybe just ending it all to quit while I'm ahead.
I just want you back. I'm still not even sure why you left. You told me you just wanted to be alone and that you were depressed. It's so hard to believe you. I've been told that before and it was all a lie. I just hope you're doing better if it was the truth. I hope you don't forget about me and I hope we might be able to talk again sometime. That's all, I just want to be able to talk to you again..
>>720683146 I wish you young snowflakes would suck it up. You are not special. Your opinions only matter to you and are not fact. Life is compromise. Divorce is bullshit and way too easy. Get a job, that doesn't mean follow your dream. It means get a paying job and be productive. You can't have it all and you have to fight to have anything. Nothing of value is free. Graduate high school, get married, have kids, stay married, and just be a good person. Leave other people alone, don't try to make them believe or feel the same as you. Handle YOUR business. Be responsible for YOURSELF. STOP blaming others for your failures. Believe in your country and what it stands for and be glad you don't live in Afghanistan.
I want to make clear that it is not the same anymore. That he lost me. The love is gone and the butterflies have died a long time ago. I still like him, as a friend, but not as a lover anymore. Though he is special to me and I still care, the future I used to see of us together is now gone.
>>720693224 Are you an interesting person? Do you have any of your own hobbies or passions? Do you have views and convictions? If you don't your probably just not interesting after a few conversations. Or you need to find someone similar with yourself.
>>720696215 Yea, thats how this whole thing works. Unless you think the world needs more fucked up kids from fatherless homes. I don't know if you have noticed but its not really working out. It can tough and there are toxic examples where divorce is a better option but on the whole it is destroying the fabric of society.
I finally have the life i've always wanted, but i don't want it anymore. it's too good to be true, and the sneaking suspicion that the fucking carpet is going to get pulled out from under me keeps me awake at night.
>>720697190 Don't hate her, fix her. Find your balls and tell her to loose weight. Start today, throw out all the shit food in your house. Be a fucking man, you think a fat, probably lazy, I'm guessing 35+ woman is going to be able to replace you? She knows DEEP down shes very lucky your still there. Now abuse that power. If you think she will withhold pussy just some strange or hookers.
>>720697520 The future world and you will need adjusted and educated people more than ever. Do you want to be governed and cared for by these debilitated snowflakes. Do you want them making decisions for you in 25 years. I fucking don't. I want a future that contains people I had a direct hand in molding, who will have my values and interests at heart. And kids are not a handicap, they are the ultimate motivator.
>>720683146 I just woke up and I had a nightmare where global warming was extremely advanced and my city looked like Venice but with no electricity, cell phone service, or government. Somehow, I knew that the entire planet was in a similar situation, not just the coasts (dreams don't have to make sense.)
So yeah, that sucked. I hope we don't end up that bad.
I want to die, but I don't want to hurt everyone I'll leave behind. I'm on a one year mission to make sure as many people as possible want nothing to do with me ever again, and as for my family... it'll look like an accident so they don't feel extra bad.
I apply for shittier jobs already, most are gone. Plus I have an inflamed ligament strain on my left foot, so I can't even take catering shit jobs or others. I'm pretty fucking upset that my government let's a university graduate hang in the air with no support whatsoever, while refugees get the Euro shoved up their asses in bundles.
>>720699110 well that's the issue: I'm struggling with basically everything. I don't even know where to start. whenever I'm stuck on a term I google it and the answer contains five more jargon terms I need to google.
like, I can print shit and I can use relational operators and I can define variables and maaaaaybe on a good day I can use a scanner to get input. everything else is just completely beyond me for the time being.
I have an assignment that requires me to take data from a .txt file and sort it in a variety of ways, using a bunch of ifs and elses and all that shit and I just wish I could sit down with someone who knows programming well and could talk me through it.
I feel like once I got a foothold of basic knowledge down I could move on from there but I just don't have that yet.
I told everyone that I'm okay and they don't have to worry because I won't do anything stupid. The only problem is I really just want to end it all, I feel like a failure and a loser. At this point I just want to quit. I don't want to care anymore but I do. I want to die.
>>720698458 I have a tip, if you want to study, go somewhere other than your place to do so. A change of scenery may help you focus better. I myself like to study at one of the study rooms in my school. If I'm at home, I'll get distracted.
>>720698888 I do think I'm right....But you probably think that you are right. Everyone thinks they are right. Thats why I said MY values and interests. The way I can protect them is to teach them to my children. Unlike the left I don't want to force MY values onto YOUR children or YOU. I want you to have your own. If they are the same as mine, great. If not, ok we disagree. I cant imagine anyone who thinks we will need MORE stupid or gender confused people in the future.
>>720699486 surely you have tutors watching over your shoulder every lab session? Ask them for help, they're bored.
Sure, it's true, you just have to get past the basic stuff. Are you trying books too? For beginners? Those wouldn't freak you out with the jargon right away. Sure, everything is online, why bother with books, bla bla. But books... books are books. Sometimes they're just better.
And that's coming from a drop out who sucked at Java.
>>720699281 Do you not have insurance? If your medically unable to work you would qualify for help. Or get reeducated in a field that has actual vacancies. And stay with your parents. Your parents surely dont want to throw you out but do want you to progress. Sometimes you have to take two steps back before you take one forward.
>>720695052 Maybe programming is not for you. There are other aspects of the tech field. You could do IT or infrastructure (maintain networks and servers and stuff) or do testing, though that requires some programming as well.
>>720700208 I have a textbook by Walter Savitch that's kinda helpful??? it's like 5 billion pages long but is a little better than every answer on StackOverflow combined so that's nice
and there is a lab instructor but he is very unhelpful. he doesn't speak good english and whenever I ask him "hurr durr how do I declare this variable?" he just goes "oh you just have to declare that variable" and I'm like welp
>>720699791 thanks for the offer but I'll probably get it soon enough.
>>720700242 I wouldn't want to be a burdon on them, plus I've just moved to a new flat in November. job center fucked me over badly, because they've said I "didn't have a job for the past year" –wrong, but well fuck me, right? I was all concentrating on my last year and the degree, taking small jobs occasionally that don't show up officially.
>>720700787 I've been applying for office jobs for of January, no replies yet. I've lost two months, not knowing that shit would turn ugly. I didn't start applying until late December. One after another, the application for temporary support was rejected.
it's Sunday and i just woke up 40 minutes ago. I hate my life. I hate this town, I've fucked up so many things, and have told so many lies that my stress level is beyond anything it has ever been. 8 months ago i was a full time student, studying hard, working, and i was with a girl who was perfect for me. I freaked out one night, freaked her out, and she broke things off. I'm still in lovee with her and i've fucked everything else up because im depressed. Lost my job because my car broke down and had no way to work, failed out of college because i'm an awful student and the depression killed what little motivation i had. No one knows any of this cause i told people i quit, and i'm faking being a part time student, and around a month ago i started talking to a girl who seemed like she liked me, but then i got jealous when she hung out with her ex, so now she's not talking to me. I hate life, and i just want to start over somewhere new, but i have no money and no resources. My life is fucked.
>>720683146 I WAS NOT TO BLAME, THE RELATIONSHIP DIED BECAUSE OF US BOTH, US BOTH HAVE PARTAKEN IN THAT RELATIONSHIP, SO WE BOTH ARE RESPONSIBLE OF WHAT HAPPENED TO US, FUCK OFF, AND FUCK YOUR VICTIMIZATION, CRAZY WHORE.
The last two years of my life are the biggest mistake I've ever made. I never should have left town. I'm never should've searched for "something more", because it's not there. It never was and never will be. Now I'm stuck in this damn apartmenr, in a city I hate, ina state I hate. No friends. Working nights. No money. I fucked up and everyone thinks I'm doing fine.
>>720700943 Are you a first year? If so, that level of confusion is not bad. I mean, I've seen a lot of people who went from being that confused to being good programmers. Don't be too discouraged, just put in the work.
I feel you man. How did you "freak out" on her? Maybe you should really dump that town and start new somewhere else. Houses in suburbs are always cheaper. You could start off searching suburbs for cheap housing. Ask friends if they want to join maybe.
oh, and I'll keep trying. just saying it's a real shitshow at present. sucks because I really have nobody to blame but myself, I've zoned out over like 3 lectures in a row now just dicking around on /v/.
I'd love to say I've learned my lesson about paying attention but we'll see if that's actually true at the next one.
>>720701375 They accepted you being a life long burden when you were conceived. Beside don't you think they would want to help you finally succeed? Do you think they would want you to be a life long failure or a short term burden? As a parent I don't think that mentality is possible for responsible parents. Just man up and talk to them like your an adult and that you need their help. Someday they will rely on you.
>>720701450 It's so easy for people to take the easy way out of it gets them out faster. No matter the expense. Keep your head up. I can't say the truth will always prevail, but if you lose hope, you lose. Stay strong and don't stoop to their level and hopefully karma will bite them in the ass.
>>720683146 I have fucked up everything and regret everything all the way back to Sep. 1 2014. I would like to go back and kill myself on or before that day to spare myself and everyone else lots of pain.
>>720701411 Thats why you can't find a better one. If she was "perfect" you would still have her. There are sooo many great bitches out there. I probably find 1 a year I would keep if I wasn't already married.
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