Green text thread. I want your best and worst stories

Shameless self bump

I'm sorry your thread failed, Op.

You may have a refund.

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>>720348910
will dump a few

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>>720349346

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>>720349361

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Keep bumping OP

>>720349361
> newfag

>>720349669
want some cream for your butthurt pal?

>>720348910
Bump

>>720348910
Anybody have just the top left pic?
>I would love to have it as a reaction image.

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OWO

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>>720348910

>>720349720
I've read this before, but it made me laugh anyway and I so rarely laugh nowadays. Thanks.

>>720350132
Holy fucking shit my sides hurt

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I'm still waiting on the conclusion to this story. OP got fired and is moving to florida from washington to avoid charges at the end of the month.

>>720350204
>becasue you're the bomb my sides exploded

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screencap'd this from a thread a while back
made me kek just enough to hate myself for it

>>720350581
As a newfag here I want to know what board do people find this shit? Is it just a rare ocurrence every once in awhile here on /b/?

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>>720350716

> admitted newfag

Yeah.. They are greentext stories that are screen capped.

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some OC

>>720350716
yeah it was just a random thread on /b/ that anon made a post on and i happened to screencap
just gotta look out for those few pieces of gold beneath all the shit

>>720350873
Alright. Was just asking in case there was a board specifically for life stories or some shit.

>>720348910
Looking for the greentext of anon fucking his granny (funny version, not fap version)

>>720350716
>admitted newfag

hello new friend. Yes they are rare-er. Every once in a while You'll get a good thread where someone posts something funny. It's probably once a day. Thats why we share these threads imo

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>>720351279

> fap version

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10/10

does anyone have the one with that guy who has the shower fetish and is cock blocked by a girl named V.

>>720350716
you'll find the most green text on r9k, but it also happens hear on /b/ just lurk more

>>720349553
you are my hero

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>>720351690
>couch fucker

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wish i had screencap'd OP's post that this was a reply to

>>720350609
Meh that's nothing

>be in grade 3
>Mrs. Arnold's class
>"today We're going to watch a tape on Louis Reil ..." (this is Winnipeg so...)
>Louis Reil was alive in the olden days... Just checked says he died in 1885.
>anyway its some shit biopic thing.
>after tape is over Mrs Arnold asks if anyone has any questions
>Justin Ozunko shoots up his hand
>how did they get cameras way back then?

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Sit around the campfire faggets it's time for some OC

>had this bitch stalk me after banging her once.
>Told me she would tell po-po that I raped her if >I didn't become her boyfriend.
>fast forward 2 weeks
>Filming us doing the good ole dilly-dally,
>shit was cash,
>breaks up with her, she calls po-po and tell them I raped her,
>have video evidence of her saying I concent to my face just before penetration because I knew what she would do,
>she didn't know about the camera,
>She's currently in jail serving time for false accusations,
mfw
Still got video if anyone's interested?

>>720353230
That depends... is she at least acceptable?

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>>720353473
Depends..

Basically this in human form

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Favourite

>>720353630
Sure, post it. Worst case scenario, I can't fap for a few days

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classic

>>720353762
Will deliver, gonna compress to webm first tho

>>720353828
What a fine repost we have here

>>720353874
Cool, there's no rush. I don't have to be anywhere for several hours

>>720349403
>laugh with cops and keep changing the video from 3d to 2d
god damn it

>>720351690
Kinda wanna try

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>>720350609
> MFW this bitch is allowed to consume my oxygen
MFW

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>>720349720

>>720352582
underrated post kek

>Got a random text
"Hi! I'm at the address now with my truck, where do you want the gravel?
>Tell him to just dump it on the lawn
>Answers that there's a playground there of some sort
>Tell him it doesn't matter because there's going to be a new playground there
>A few hours 8 missed calls
No idea who that was, blocked the number later

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fucking chad

>>720351085
/r9k/ is basically for life stories and shit
there's a lot on /b/ too, but you need to wade through all the other shit

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>>720350879
10/10

>>720354685
omfg, this is pure fap material!

>>720353874
Please do anon

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posting le doctor

>>720350879
That's real good

>>720350408
I remember that.. if it's true, and he didn't quit he's a fucking fool.

>>720354194
10 out of fucking 10

>>720350405
>my guts are yelling in german

kek, everytime

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posting some to bump the thread
sorry in advance for any reposts

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>>720356695

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>>720356789

>>720349944
It's called google, dipshit. Search retarded shotput face or something. Fuck me dead.

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>>720356866

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>>720349403
Short of killing the kid. I can respect that.
>Laughs with cops while changing 3D to 2D

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>>720357085

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>>720357314

>>720357085
I actually thought "sounds like /sci/" when the "I passed calc II" part came up.
Guess I will believe this story because I like it. Wasn't there a /fit/ one this is probably based on?

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>>720357359

>>720357467
wouldn't doubt it
oddly enough /sci/ and /fit/ have much in common

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>>720349720

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>>720357495

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>>720357706
never forghetti the true meaning behind 4chan

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>>720357872

>>720356695
what song

>>720359330
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-Jl7rhM66U

>>720350408
lol what the actual fuck, when did this happen?

>>720351971
Sounds like a scene from shameless

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>>720354702
kek

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Not greentext but /fit/ in a nutshell

>My little pony started to become a meme
>Wanted to run with the trolltrain so I watched a few episodes to learn
Holsyshitsitsgood.webm
>Start to like it unironically
>Ponies still gay though so don't tell anyone
>I'm in the closet about this pony thing for 2 years
>Started to date a girl who liked to ride horses in the meantime
Cont?

>>720360561
Muat be good tho

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Must read

>>720360681
Can't promise anything but anyway

>She was always really busy bc of those fucking horses
>Only 8 dates in a month
>Begging her to take me with her to the stables bc I wanted to spend more time with her
>I saw my first horse and he had a boner
>Niggers aint got shit to this horse, fucking massive
"Holy shit that's the biggest dick I've ever seen"
>Da fuq did I just say?!
>She just looks at me and don't say anything
>Even queen Elizabeth II farts would be loud
>Awkwardly try explain how I've never seen a horse dick before just making everything worse by trying to joke how a horse vagine even can fit such a large penis
Tl;dc I fucked up and that date was just a no, watched her ride with the other students then walked away early, anyway
FF two weeks
>Went to a cinema
>Got that puss later that evenig
>Bitches loves bad movies
>A day went by and she wanted to come over after her horse class
>Was still in my undies, didn't dress in case of more sexy time
> ~1 hour untill dates horse class ends
>Dont know what to do so watch a Pony episodes, scratching my balls at the same time
>Dates come in out of nowhere
It was just theory that day so she got away early
>I freak out alt+F4 to desktop
"Anon what did you watch?"
- Nothing just a random video
>Didn't believe me bc of my reaction
>Try do explain how I like a show for 7yo girls
"Why did u have your hand down your boxers?"
>She brings up that thing about the horse dick
Rekt.png

She leaves and we like stopped dating after that

>18m, drunk and horny
>start making out with an ugly 30yo chick on the couch
>she starts sucking my cock
>she has a small mouth and jacked up teeth
>scrapes the hell out of my cock
>I couldn't stand it anymore
>pull my dick out of her mouth
>she instantly takes her pants and shirt off and spreads
>never fucked without a condom before
>slide into her surprisingly tight pussy
>thurst away on her aggrsssively
>fat legs wrapping me up
>playing with her massive tits
>she pulls me close
>she starts biting my ear
>cum inside me please she whispers
>I feel pressure building
>the release
>blow my drunk, blue balled load inside
>black out
>regret

>>720353230
Well done bro. Share the evidence.

>>720349973
lol

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>>720352151
1maximum kek
will prob use on fb page

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>>720359645

On the 19th

Pt.1 is poc related

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>>720365095

Pt.2

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>>720365193
sir you are a monster

>>720362435
Is the pony show so good?

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3/5

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4/5

5/5

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>>720366783

>>720350204
sides in orbit

bamp

>>720366231
Explain the plot

>>720359645
Last week

>>720367701
Characters with high pitched voices playing in bright colors, you only need a dick to know what's interesting

>>720368095
>>720367701
^Not the ponyfag
Idk, it just make me happy, every episode is like 20 minutes
1 season is boring though...
check out /mlp/

>>720353217
maximum kek

>>720353230
vid pls

>>720368523
>bealive its true
>such innocence
Gods bless you sweet summer child

>>720368659
Inb4 Believe*

>>720350204
Fuck me, this is good!

>>720353684
incredible

>>720357872
4you.org

>>720366660
S'ok, it's to be expected. Things will get better. I'm just down in the dumps cause I kicked a junk habit about 6 months ago and things have been slow getting better.

Have no non-junkie friends, so at this point no friends. But I just got myself a job finally. Start on Monday. Interaction with real humans will help a lot...it better, I'm too old to be fucking around on drugs anymore, I've already lost more than a decade to them.

The fact that I'm laughing at all is a good sign. You probably don't care about all this, but I wanted to respond since you were being nice about it. Have a good day, anon.

>>720370045
im not the anon you were talking to but hope it all works out man

>>720368659
*Believe

I don't get it>>720350879

>>720370439
Thanks /b/ro, not used to compassion on /b/. Everyday is a little better.

Still lost as fuck though, and I'm really struggling with misanthropic thoughts and the fact that at 30 I have no clear "career" which is what I desperately crave. An identity outside "ye olde local fuck up". Thank goodnss for the anonymity of this place, you all may not be my friends, you may not like me, you may think I'm a fuck up, but we're all /b/ro's here and that has helped more then you might expect. And I can tell everyone I'm a recovering smack head, and the next time I post no one knows I'm the same guy.

It's why I love it here and hate Ribbit, then you have a "name" and shit.

Have a good day anon. I'm off to pick up the wife (thank goodness for her too, she's the only human I have). Uh, don't use a needle to get high, ever! Just some pointless advice. Once you're willing to jam a needle into your arm to escape yourself, you're fucked...

There; some obvious advice no one asked for.

>>720354194
Even if this is not real, it was an amazing read. what a great story.

10/10

>>720350408
I remember this. I told him to call his bluff and show up to work. I wonder whatever happened. . .

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1

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>>720371985

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>>720372076
different anon again, best of luck man.

>>720372601

Top fucking kek!

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Best

>>720374029
If that is real...

>>720373352
2 ?

>>720348910
so his dad cut out his penis?

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>Be me 20
>Find 19 y/o girl on Omegle
>Think I'm talking her out of suicide
>Have virgin autist 20 y/o feels for her
>4 weeks of non-stop texting she tells me she's 15
>Try and make it work.exe Confused because suicide attempt
>All the spaghetti I've said to this 15 y/o, and all the personal details and secrets I've shared
>Believe she'll blackmail me or leak the conversation to 4chin
>Have mental breakdown, tell parents everything
>Wtf.exe
>Admit myself to psychiatrist
>wtf.exe
>Suicidal for a year

>mfw a single lie from a girl the other side of the world made me tell my parents I'd wanked over a girl on Snapchat.
>mfw I freaked out and needed psychiatric help
>mfw I go from loving someone to suicidal

Fucking retarded.

>>720350879
too lazy to read, what does it say

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>>720374952
That's incredibly spaghetti man I'm sorry.

>>720375108
open the door get on the floor etc

>>720374952
that's... how? that got out of hand real quick, lol. that could have hardy ended any worse.

>>720374952
The feeling when nobody cares in the whole net.... Especially on 4chan

>>720367701
Depends on the season and any real story progression is in the first and last few episodes of the season save for season 5 where there are plot episodes sprinkled throughout.

Unless you are asking about "plot" which is a different story.
derpibooru is a good place to find that.

>>720375172
cheers m8

>>720354870
that's a great fucking mother

>>720375250
Thanks 4chan

>>720375771
no problem faggot

>>720375232
Yeah my mind pulled the plug on itself but I was alive to live the consequences, no one mentions it now but only a few of my family and friends know the tale of when i send dick pics and nearly ended up getting sectioned.

>>720375907
*Sent

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>>720375907
that's good to hear. if anything, that was quite the experience to learn from. cheer up man.

>>720376108
It's embarrasing. Hahah what is that pic Ye Gods.

>>720375510
i'm with you on that anon
>when moms are based as fuck

>>720376334
one of my fav pics, lol. grandma's face is priceless.

>>720376635
It's fucking jokes haha

>>720374952
It's been a year and a half and this still fucks me up.

Don't know why I'm asking a group of /b/tards this, but what's the process following major spaghetti like this, an hero's no longer an option.

Business as usual?

>>720377332
laugh at yourself for spilling spaghetti everywhere then learn from the mistake and move on to newer and better things

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>>720366656
You lazy cocksucker, here. A correctly done greentext jpeg

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>>720348910
https://soundcloud.com/yungnero210/cbhj1dbmn0n9

babies on the way, idc how bad it is just want you guys to know how happy i am

in return i give you my best green text :) thank you /b/

>>720378338
I'm done laughing at myself that's why I wanted to an hero, lol.

>>720378991
you laugh at yourself to gain humility of the situation and learn from the mistakes you made
then MOVE ON
sounds like that is the step you are missing
move on, learn from it, and forget it but not the lesson it taught you, it's in your past, nothing you can do about it now so either accept it
or just an hero already

>>720366810
This genuinely had me on the edge of my fucking seat. 10/10

Does anyone have that greentext where the hit and run driver was an alcohol?

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>>720378864

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>>720353217
Raw.

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>>720379473
Thanks for your time.

The times passed where I could an hero so I need to move on and stop being such a special snowflake

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one of my favorites from the past

>>720380246
Fuck man it's so shitty.

>>720380918
>918 ▶
>>>720380246 (You)
Rather have cancer.

>>720373352
Fuck. Have wet eyes every time I read the Ballad of Ella. It's just to much feelings.

>>720374029
That's not funny.
That's actually a pretty piece of shit move.

>>720374463
I don't have the green text but it's called the Ballad of Ella

cici

>>720350879
Damn didn't laugh this good in a long time

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>>720385183
glad you enjoyed it
cheers m8