Prove to me you arent criminal scum!
Singles are the only thing that proves your innocence.
Dubs sends you to jail
Trips and higher gets you killed
helo officer i have done nothing wrong
Did you acquire these goods knowing that they were stolen?
I have no control over who you worship. Keep your blade clean and we will have no problem.
Put a shirt on sir, Carry on.
I have no reason to kill you Citizen, Carry on.
Why dont you give me a reason to do something.
Who let one of the goblins into the city? Bah, at least this one can talk.
Mind your tongue, i might just cut it off.
You really shouldnt.
Those are a nice pair of tits.
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM! You have violated my mother!
Have a good day sir.
No prejudice against you from me sir.
What are you? something of dwarven make? Odd coloring for a centurion...
I've found nothing on you sir. Carry on.
Thats a good man. Be on your way.
No criminals so far. Thats good, I deserve this.
He's over there!
Dirty Guards, A problem in inself. I'm replacing him. He... wont be causing a problem anymore.
You better pay for it first.
You cant fool me Criminal scum! And because you dont have the coin to pay off your bounty, its Off to jail. Now come quietly and dont make me have to draw my sword
Thank you for reporting the corrupt guard citizen.
Imperial Guard OP is unconcious
THERE IS A PSYCHOPATH ON THE LOOSE
I dont care what you nords do in your own province.
I have no idea what you are talking about sir.
True, Keep on your best behavior and you wont have to worry.
Theres no mistake, You are an imperial citizen. Now move along.
Mind your tongue.
Not my problem. Thats an issue for the legion deployed in Morrowind.
I dont know who that is.
I'll send word to my superiors.
STOP RIGHT THERE! Since you dont have the money to pay for your bounty its off to jail Now come quietly.
Carry on sir.
Indeed. Carry on.
Oh great. THIS guy again.
Hush. Mind your tongue and carry on. Dont interfere with the guards business.
Hello Citizen, Is there something i can help you with?
Come along quietly now.
Indeed. Now go about your business.
By the gods you are clearly corrupt, I wont come with you.
I've got a simple 14-point plan to bring prosperity to this town. All I need is an initial investment from you, the people..
Don't you know who I am? I can clearly pay the fine, no need for violence.
I've concluded my business and there are almost no more unsolved rape cases in this town than there were when I arrived. Now I must be on my way. Good luck with the whole criminal thing.
ITS ALL OVER LAW BREAKER!
You think your jokes are funny? I bet the other prisoners will think you are a riot.
The black horse courier always has some great news.
Hes already in jail citizen.
I know who you are, Criminal scum, NOW COME ALONG QUIETLY.
Talking potatos... I think someone did something to my ale...
Then pay with your blood!
I dont take bribes. And I suggest you dont try that again, lest I decide to arrest you.
Not interested. Talk to the count if you have an idea like that. Im just a guard.
Indeed, Carry on.
Well, The prisons are a lovely place to rot.
Belethor? Never heard of him.
Miss, you are clearly drunk. You should go home.
I see that, Carry on
I dont see why you are showing me an army. Skyrim is part of the empire and by the nine if it should leave I dont know what would happen.
You havent payed your fine, So its off to jail.
Mind yourself citizen.
And thats all i need to bring you in, Now come with me.
Miss PLEASE go home, I do not have time to deal with you.
Goodbye citizen. Stay on the roads.
Not sure what you are going on about.
Whats so funny?
Yes, The altmer are powerful wizards. Do you have news about the boycott of imperial goods in the summerset isles?
Stay in your forest, you set one foot in my city and im going to cut it off.
YOU CANT OUTRUN MY BOW!
You got lucky. Now carry on.
Eugh. Im going to put you in your own cell.
Slowly witted? Have you forgotten the imperial city is home to the arcane university? Where our imperial battlemages are housed?
Carry on. You have nothing to explain
Indeed you are, Now come along. And keep that dog of yours under control.
Good grief, Put some clothes on.
You dont have to, You've served your time.
Good, Now move along.
Im fine with killing you. Criminal scum like you are an embarrasment to the empire. It's best if you just... Disappeared.
On your way then citizen.
Yes. Keep cool. Dont break a law and give me a reason to haul you off to jail.
No thanks. I need to stay at my post.
Well throw it away, I dont need to be reminded of bravil.
Doesnt matter if he is your cousin or not citizen. Hes abiding the law.
Ha ! The arcane university ? What a gang of old farts they are ! They couldn't get it up with the dirtiest wench from here to Windfall ! And even so, what have you to do with them ! You are just a guard, and we have renowned stragegists, bloodthirsty cutthroats and archers so precise they could hit a flea between the eyes from 50 paces afar !
Guys, don't look at him. Just walk away.
Can't a man have a bit of butt piracy?
Oh noe, it looks like I slipped. What an unfortunate disaster it would be if someone were to somehow rip my clothes and ravage the area.
I was....but it's all over now. Take care of Jimmy for me :(
you fool. you absolute buffoon. you think you can challenge me in my own realm? you think you can rebel against my authority? you dare come into my house and upturn my dining chairs and spill coffee grounds in my Keurig? you thought you were safe in your chain mail armor behind that screen of yours. I will take these laminate wood floor boards and destroy you. I didn’t want war. but i didn’t start it.
i'm sorry, i just couldn't resist...
You're right! We probably can. The guard is taking forever to arrest me anyways.
On your way Timmy.
Thank you citizen.
I understand you are old. But theres no reason you need to disrespect the guards sir.
Thats out of my jurisdiction. I just watch the streets sir.
Tobacco is fine. I see one bottle of skooma or smell moon sugar and im hauling you to jail.
You clearly have never been in a fight with the imperial legion, the force that conqured all of tamriel. We only need a few men to drive you out of the woods.
I understand. You are a strangely colored elf though...
Good to see you two working out your issues. I shouldnt have to get involved with this.
You seem to be fine, Carry on.
Yes, there is. You can either serve your sentence in the jail, Or you can let my sword slice you to pieces.
Im not sure what you are talking about citizen. Please dont bother me.
Clearly not here. Now move along.
Correct. Now out of my way.
Congrats. You are a law abiding citizen, Let me get you a special snowflake medal.
STOP RIGHT THERE!
I suggest you dont assist this criminal. Unless you want me to haul you into jail with him.
It is, now carry on.
I dont take bribes of any kind. Im quite aware. Now go about your business.
If hes planning a coup against a JARL in skyrim i dont see the reason why hes down here in the imperial city.
Jimmy will be well cared for by your friend, now come along.
I see that
I dont take bribes.
Go about your business.
Keep talking like that and i'll bring you in.
I have already alerted my superiors.
mind your tongue
You wouldn't need to check a lady for dubs, would you?
I claim this land in the name of the New Conglomerate! Live free in the NC!
This is the FBI. I'm here to investigate a possible dubs smuggling operation. Have you encountered any dubs in this area citizen?
I've had enough of you. Im just going to paralyze you so i dont have to bother dulling my blade with your hide.
They are rather strange arent they? They seem to be coordinating an attack on a target in skyrim, while they have their men in the imperial city.
Very funny. Now go away.
You are a strange khajiit.
THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!
Do what? I dont understand what you are going on about citizen. Strange days when people seem to be talking to themselves...
Its all over law breaker!
This guy again. I've already brought him in twice... At least hes just jumping around.
I have to ma'am. And you are clean.
Singles. You obey our laws.
I dont understand what this "New conglomerate" is. But our citizens are rather free.
Thats a shame.
Im the guard here, I dont know what this FBI is but you should probably go back to playing pretend in your house sir.
never rolled dubs in a checkpoint thread
Im not selling anything. The merchants are in the merchant district. Go bother them.
Indeed you are, now move along.
You think theres only 26 guards in the imperial city. Thats cute.
i thought that said i smell cum and hoped this was a gay thread
Yo dawg. I be on the lookin' for dem criminimals too, homie.
And you continue your streak of behaving.
Sorry to disappoint you. Have you tried going to bruma? I've heard rumors...
Carry on citizen.
Its a bit late for a child to be roaming around the imperial city streets. Are you lost?
Im not afraid, Though the fact your plan to have a coup against a jarl who isnt even in the province is rather stupid. I suggest you look at a map and realize you are much farther south than you need to be.
You want to buy some time in the imperial city's prisons?
Let me know if you see one. I dont take kindly to vigilantes in my city. You find someone, You report to me. You kill them its off to jail.
Whats that you are muttering citizen? Something about skooma?
I swear that I have no dubs, and if I did, they would be for research purposes only.
I am but a missionary, I wouldn't possibly be carrying dubs.
Dont do it near me.
This is the imperial palace. Show some respect and keep your voice down.
Another day another criminal. Come along or im going to have to drag your corpse.
Well you arent the gray fox. So i dont understand why you are asking.
Im right here.
I dont know what a "latino" is citizen.
Indeed you are. Now go fetch.
I can see that
On your way.
On your way to the arcane university? Keep your nose clean mage.
Its a shame. That drug is the source of most the arrests I have to make.
By the gods! You're the gray fox! You're wanted for... ALL KINDS OF STUFF! Screw the rules You're wanted dead or alive! Im choosing Dead. Oh By the gods im gonna make Captian for this!
Yea! Kill dat igga Gray Fox! He be all cray n shi.
I know. And because I'm a guard I cant kill you for it. but oh how i would LOVE to.
On your way sell sword.
I... dont understand why you have pasta in your shorts. But im not going to touch it.
I dont understand what you are talking about citizen. This is the Third Era, The current emperor is Uriel Septim, Tiber septim's Empire is as strong as ever. Have you been using skooma? Or perhaps some bad mead?
Carry on citizen
Failure. Time to die.
You dont need to show me your shopping receipts citizen.
Whistle while you walk.
Off with you. Dont set foot in my city again.
I'm going to sleep Imperial Guard. Thanks for all your hard work. Keep it up! Proud of you ;)
Twelve of the night watch and alls well. Have a good night sir.
Carry on citizen.
Mind your tongue. Im not in the mood.
>Im not in the mood.
can I go in?
Carry on citizen, its late. The inn is just around the corner. I suggest you get some sleep.
You may visit the imperial palace but only the first floor. The rest is off limits. And keep your voice down.
>You may visit the imperial palace but only the first floor. The rest is off limits. And keep your voice down.
ok man, dont worry, I'm not here to cause any trouble, I just want to peek around a little.
have a nice day.
And I'm a flying dunmer. Now tell me another one.
You might be clean from the law but you smell awful. Have you been poking around in a goblin cave?
Whats with all the discontempt for the empire all of a sudden?
Last time I checked Emperor Uriel was one of our best
I don't need anything you're selling. The Barracks have everything I need.
Haro me is brown Asian intellectual, want find much knowledge yes yes, much books hmm hmm. Me no bad scum :c only knowledge and books in baggy yes yes. Can me go now sir? Pls pls
Buhuuu guard has tiny bag of shillies on his belt!!!
Hello sir. May I say I repeat may I say what a wonderful day it is to have a stroll down town sir.
No, Its off to jail with you. Now come along quietly.
Belittling a guard and illegal contraband. You are quite the idiotic cat arent you? now come along quitely.
Have a good day citizen. Behave or i'll cart you along to the prisons.
Refugees? Odd. The nerevarine saved morrowind only a few years ago? What happened over there? I havent heard about an eruption and the blight is gone isnt it? What are you running from?
Return to your post. Or I'll tell the captian.
And you continue to be a free man. Now move along. Stop fishing for compliments.
Ay stop messing with friendly hard working guard!!!
You shouldnt Talk to me like that citizen. It sounds to me like you are trying to pick a fight.
Another child out late on the streets? Are you lost?
Kek dosnt protect you. Now come with me. Its off to jail with you.
Hey there pretty boi wanna have some fun at the inn?
Why do people act so guilty all the time?
THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!
I'm Married. Go away.
You sure about that?
Please Respect the Imperial palace and keep your voice DOWN
On your way citizen
I believe I am a member of the Imperial Guard.
I suggest you change your tone of voice.
Indeed. Now move along.
You must be Jensine's cousin. She's been expecting you. She lives in the market district.
Yes, Jailtime is very funny. Theres a man in there who thinks himself a comedian. I think you'll enjoy him.
On your way.
Now get out of my sight,
Im not sure. I think you should go home. It is late after all.
Well, what did you expect to happen after years of slavery?
Yes i know. I wish people would stop pointing out the obvious.
Im not sure. Sadly, because I'm on duty, I Dont have time for idle chit chat. You are clean, its time for you to be on your way. Try and find me when im off duty.
If you so much as lay a finger on the emperor I will cut you down.
Im sorry, Im out of special snowflake badges. I dont have time for this. Be on your way.
Well you dont have to go to jail. Be on your way citizen.
Another dirty guard. Great. Dont worry citizens, Hes been.... Taken care of.
>trips or higher gets you killed
Learn to read.
Thank you for the report citizen. One more arrest on my record.
I dont enjoy your racism. Now be on your way.
I can see that, Now move along.
Or what? you think you can stand against an entire legion of imperial guards? Be on your way citizen. Before I haul you off to prison.
Im not sure why the redguards have been calling themselves this recently. Its rather strange.
Im not familiar with this location... And i've been all across tamriel. Where is this?
THERE IS NOT M>UCH TIME. THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN SENT FROM THE YYEAR 2018. THE HU███MAN RACE DEP//?ENDS ON THIS MESSAGE BEING READ AND UNDERSTOOD BY USERS OF MES//?SAGEBOARD 4CHAN IN THE YEAR .
POST NUMBER WILL LEAD TO WAR AGAINST THE MA██CHI//?NES. YOU MUST DI█SREGARD ALL KNOWLEDGE OF THAT POST. DO NOT READ. DO NOT REWRITE//// THE CONTEN//// TS ONTO DIGITAL MEDIA, NOR MUST ANYBODY REPRODUCE IT IN A█NY ████OTHER FORM. IT MUST BE ██ELETED.
THIS IS THE ONLY W^46ARNING YOU WILL RECEIVE. THE FUTURE OF OUR RACE IS NOW IN YOUR HANDS. PLEASE ALSO ENSUR^68^584^^84!!!INTERRUPT
Another dwarven contraption someone brought home is loose on the streets. Lovely.
I can see that citizen. Be on your way.
You are in the imperial city's prisons. Enjoy your stay. You'll be here for a while.
You even attempt to do that i will see that you rot in a cell for the rest of your life.
Come with us Ma'am.
I'm just painting happy little clouds over here.
You can be painting the walls of your cell.
I am very sorry officer. We don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents. I have found my singles again and will be on my way.
Someone already made that joke. Congrats on being unoriginal.
I dont really need to prove anything. I can haul you off to jail right now. But im not in the mood, My partners on the other hand are so i'll see you around the prisons. scum.
Im convinced. On your way.
I'm still bringing you to the prisons. You will be searched. If we find another set of dubs you are rotting.
Would you rather have to deal with Marvin the mouth? He enjoys biting things and has wrestled trolls and ogres.
Im sure another guardsman has done this before. Theres not much to do while on duty in the city.
Down on the waterfront. You can go after your sentence is up.
Can I at least bring my painting supplies with me?
On your way.
I dont see why you even bother staying here. singles dont last forever. You should probably go back to that cave you crawled out of.
Hello Ma'am. Where'd you acquire that strange dwarven contraption?
Good evening citizen. Come find me at the tavern after my shift is over. We can have our conversations there. Im on duty.
Yes sir. Now please follow my partner to the prisons.
The waterfront is home to the lower class. And a guard's wage is barely enough for me and my wife to scrape by. You Argonians are rather good swimmers are you not? Perhaps you could go for a swim in the rumare and sell fish you catch to the merchants and inns.
Dont Belittle the citizens of the waterfront or the beggars. Its not their fault. Theres a reason we dont normally collect taxes from them.
What are you resisting? Strange people are coming into the city tonight...
My god? Im pretty sure you arent akatosh sir. Maybe a night in the drunk tank may help you clear your head.
Im afraid this isnt skyrim sir. You are in the imperial city. Now change your tone and be on your way.
Good evening citizen.
If you have nothing to hide then why dont you want us searching you?
selling fresh produce here! best in tamriel