I'm fairly (+90%) certain that she's not currently cheating on me. Her parent's have had several messy divorces and both her exes have cheated on her big time. She is very much against cheating. About her being "actively searching" though, that's probably another story - she has told me that she sometimes thinks about sex with other men or women. But if we agreed on an open relationship, then that wouldn't be cheating.
My GF has not had a lot of single time in her life (we are both 23). We love each other and have very similar ambitions for our future in terms of family, lifestyle etc. Right now, we can both very much see ourselves having children before we turn 30. But given that she hasn't had a lot of single time, she's scared that she might one day regret having "missed" some stuff in her youth, or that she might break it with me to be more "young and free" and then later regret not staying with me. She is also bi-curious, but has no experience with girls.
As for me, I value the relationship and our future together higher than the implied unfaithfulness of sleeping around. I'd rather that we have an open relationship than no relationship. Also, I'd love getting to fuck other chicks once in a while, and still being able to cuddle up with the girl I love and want kids with.
>>719673521 Ground rules dude. Had an open relationship with a girl. Only rules were she don't fuck anyone I work with, and I don't fuck any of her female friends. Best sex of my life. Got to go out, fuck everyone, come home, fuck her. Nothing hotter than both of you recounting other sexual shit you did with other people while youre balls deep in her. Play no guilt. I've cheated on every girl I've ever been with except her, cuz it was allowed, so it wasn't cheating, didn't have our come up with excuses about what I was doing or who I was with. If I was out fucking some slut from a club she wanted to hear about it, would turn her on.
>>719675079 I know two couples that are very happy in their open relationship. Me and my gf of 4 years 'only' have threesomes but basically the same shit applies. Sit together and think about what would hurt you and with what are you okay? Only fucking strangers? only friends? do you tell each other when you have a date or do you do it without telling? how often are you allowed to meet strangers? But most importantly: Expect to get hurt in some unforseable way, and when that happens be prepared to forgive your partner while making it absolutely clear that you are hurt. You propelled your relationship in a minefield with the potential to have an awesome experience. If you are lucky this will even deepen your relationship with your gf. If not don't be too disapointed.
>>719673521 Like everyone else here, I agree she's either already cheating on you or she is planning on it very soon. If you're a cuck faggot, which you probably are, then you will agree to the open relationship and then she won't let you see anyone else. It will turn into just her fooling around on you. Get out now and save yourself from the drama.
>>719676949 Are you being serious? Her "seeing what else is out there" means she doesn't think OP is good enough for her. She should just break up with him. It's called respect for each other and respect for the relationship. Maybe if you ever have a girlfriend one day, you will understand.
>>719673521 None of these idiots know what they're talking about. They've probably never been laid, and if they have had sex their partners probably left them because of their crippling insecurities.
Being in an open relationship has been wonderful for me. I don't have to rely on any one partner to provide all of the things I need from a partner, I also don't have to supply absolutely everything my partners need, and I've had more weird fun sex than anyone deserves to have. It's not right for everyone though. You have to ask yourself a couple of questions:
1. Why do you want an open relationship? If it's just to fuck other women, you might want to break up instead. Being single brings way more freedom than an open relationship, and there are probably more monogamous girls than polyamorous ones today.
2. Are you a jealous person? I'm not asking if you've felt jealousy, everybody has at some point. I'm asking if other people would describe you as jealous or controlling. Because if so, again open relationships aren't for you.
3. Do you have crippling insecurities? If you feel insecure about yourself, your body, or your personality, an open relationship probably isn't for you. It'll amplify that shit until it's a real problem. If you can't manage your own insecurities in a "normal" relationship, you certainly won't be able to in an open relationship.
We have already agreed that if we do try an open relationship, it's random one-time sex only - we will not be allowed to just "hang out", be fuck buddies with or date other people. Which means the probability of her finding another boyfriend wouldn't be much higher than it is now, with her going to school and work and talking to other people every day. We still spend time together almost every day of the week and the relationship is working well with lots of love and trust.
As for her being able to benefit more from an open arrangement than me, I'm not sure about that. She has been with 10 guys before meeting me - I've been with over 50 women. I haven't had problems getting laid, and she has had pretty high barriers - she doesn't just sleep with anyone.
Hello new friend. I am sorry to break it to you but she is already cheating. She is talking about open relationships to try for a get out clause for what she already up to. It's time to end it OP, sorryy friend but your gfs pussy is already sloppy seconds.
>>719675023 Wow man that's not how it will go down. Girls don't fuck just for fucking like guys do they put emotion on it so she will fuck a guy that she double teamed with then go after him and fuck him some more then she will leave you. She sounds like a idiot slut who will want you back after she sleeps around and realizes that guys just want to use her for sex.
I love threads like this, and all the insecure, possessive faggots that come with them.
Humans were never meant to be monogamous. That shit is a sociological/religious invention left over from the days when wives were property (inb4 hurr durr they still are).
The fact is, there's a difference between monogamy and fidelity. If you're TRULY secure with your partner, and vice versa, you should have no problem having fun sexually with other people. The only reason so many people are against this is because deep down, they feel inadequate, and are afraid that their partner will leave them for someone who fucks better than they do. Again - it's all about security. Some of the strongest couples I know are in open relationships. They get each other on a level that monogamous couples rarely do - they're essentially free of guilt and jealousy. I honestly believe that if most people adopted this attitude, they would be much happier.
>>719677796 >It's random one-time sex only Ok, fair enough. But keep in mind that in our society, a woman can walk up to a random man and with no introduction, say "do you want to have sex with me?" and there's a good chance he'll say yes. It's that easy for women (google search for "sex with a stranger study".
For men? That shit'll get you arrested, nigga.
Seriously, it's easy for a woman to get a guy in bed, but hard to tie him down in a relationship. It's harder for a guy to get a woman in bed, but easy if he wants a GF-situation
Pretty sure she's not bored of fucking me. We have pretty dirty sex. Couple of days ago we tied each other up and shoved vibrators up each others asses. Before she met me she had never touched a sex toy and had barely had sex in more than 2 different positions. Only two guys have gone down on her before me.
>>719678443 Humans weren't meant for "monogamy" in the sense that you'd stay with a partner for 2-3 years to produce offspring, then move on to a new partner. We're even less designed for multiple partners simultaneously than we are for a single lifelong partner
>>719678443 >Humans were never meant to be monogamous. Topkek you have it all figured out huh? Kys you raging faggot. Its not about thinking the girl will leave you, its about not wanting another guys dick pounding inside your girlfriend.
>>719678443 >humans were never meant to be monogamous Stopped reading right there. Return to your safespace liberal bullshit. Bet you tell your kids not to bathe because "you don't have to bathe everyday" and "its just a myth perpetuated by the soap companies! the oils are good for you!" too.
>>719678630 There's that possessiveness I'm talking about. Are you trying to prove me right? Open relationships work both ways - it's not just her fucking other people.
>>719678675 >Humans weren't meant for "monogamy" in the sense that you'd stay with a partner for 2-3 years to produce offspring, then move on to a new partner. We're even less designed for multiple partners simultaneously than we are for a single lifelong partner
Nope. Not if you compare or behavior to most primates - which is what we are. You're simply incorrect.
I'm aware of that, but my GF has really high standards and wouldn't just fuck every guy she meets in a club just because the guys want to fuck her. I also imagine that we wouldn't be fucking other people more than every second month or once a month at most. We have a healthy and fun sex life already and fuck 3-4 times a week.
I don't know man. One of my exes cheated on me - just some kissing and some hand action, but still. I got disappointed because that wasn't part of our deal, but it didn't exactly knock me out. I was confident that she wanted to be with me, so I just didn't give that much of a fuck.
>>719674391 >I'm fairly (+90%) certain that she's not currently cheating on me. Her parent's have had several messy divorces and both her exes have cheated on her big time. She is very much against cheating. this is male logic.
if your gf a male? no?
she's totally cheating, or will at the earliest opportunity.
>>719679212 lol, you mad that I get to fuck whoever I want and still have a committed partner to go home to? Does it piss you off that much that I've truly found a way to have my cake and eat it too? Me and my girl are 5 years strong and our sex life is great - and I also get to bang a 8/10 19 year old half-Hispanic chick from work - she even joins us sometimes.
You know you're jelly as fuck. But keep telling yourself that the same pussy for the rest of your life is worth it.
What happens when she starts going ass to mouth when she's getting banged by two or three dudes?would you still kiss her? What if she has a kid with some one else by accident? You gonna raise that kid?
That's exactly how I feel about it. Read an article about a married couple in an open relationship. The girl said something like "I'd feel he was cheating more on me if he watched Game of Thrones with another girl, because that's OUR thing". I can really relate to that. I'd feel far worse about my girl having a cosy hungover Sunday watching shitty movies and making each other hungover food and spooning than I'd feel if she'd just fucked a random guy or chick after a party.
why would you want to be in relationship with someone who just happens to be ready to fuck other people and still come back and love you? that kind of shit will cheat on you sooner or later anyway cuz there will always be someone more attractive than you. Just turn into a bitch into fucking fuckbuddy too and fuck other chicks. real relationships are not for you two retards, your bullshit fantasies about future doesnt matter.
>>719679352 Complications like this happen all the fucking time in polyamorous relationships. Most result in break ups within the first few months due to "rule violations".
My own sister ruined her marriage by agreeing to an open situation just to find out that her husband was fucking his ex gfs without condoms and then coming home and having sex with her unprotected as well.
Her next boyfriend actually dated a woman, against my sisters wishes, and when asked to stop he refused and dumped her for that woman. Who then dumped him for fucking her over that badly. My sister has two toddlers in tow and he kicked her out of his house because she accused him of cheating even though their relationship was "open".
Complications like this happen ALL the fucking time. Its way more trouble than its worth just to feel excited for a few hours.
>>719679680 Exactly. I'm with you 100%. I recognize sex for what it truly is - a mammalian act of procreation and pleasure. It's not some mystical, sacred thing. It's just fun, and it's only PART of a relationship. It makes no sense for me to deny myself or my girl from having some physical fun with another person, as long as it's safe. Our love, OUR bond, is much, much deeper than that.
>>719679545 >same pussy for the rest of your life This is why you're fucking multiple women and acting like that makes you "cool". You're too immature to know how a real long term relationship is supposed to work so you "eat da booty" of every minority female at your workplace and brag about it on 4chan. t. whiteboi
She is traumatised from bad experience with ex BFs. Took me two months before she would let me go down on her because her ex had ruined her confidence. Her fucked up divorced parents have given her anxiety and OCD. She is the most trust-focused person I have ever met because she has truly experienced some shit and some dysfunctional relationships.
>>719679743 Well, we've been married for 5 years and together for 7 and we love each other more now than ever. So I don't have to tell myself anything. The proof is in my experience. I hope one day you'll find someone you love as much as I love my girl.
>>719679970 Nope, I'm saying this >>719679995. But you can define love however you want to, I guess. Stay mad.
>>719679995 >its not some mystical sacred thing >i tell myself over and over again your bond is only as good as she tells you it is. she'll say anything if it means she gets to continue to fuck other people. just like you do. whatever you have to tell yourself, kid.
>>719673521 I decided to bring it up with my gf. She only fucked me and one other guy back in highschool. I've been with a decent amount of women (I'm 28, she's 23). It works really well for us, she can explore how she wants to, I can fuck whoever I like. The only rule is that we don't let those interactions bleed into our normal lives (and always wear protection). It's an excellent situation.
>>719674012 See then there's this faggot that doesn't realize while his gf is off getting laid, he could too. But no, this cunt right here is too focused on some dumb cuck projection bullshit to realize what he could get in the tradeoff. Winners take the deal to get to fuck more women, losers complain that the gf would get to fuck someone else.
>>719674391 thats the thing she wants a open relashinship because she feels she probly cant take the temptation but wants something to eass the guilt in her head as for weather or not you should do it that I cant say my friend this type of thing is never as simple as a yes or no because well open relashinsips faver the female because she could litraly walk up to any rando dude and ask them to fuck her and 8 ot of 10 times shel get lade(going off the asumtion your GF is atlest mioldly attractiv) but when it comes to guys we tend to have to work harder for sex
>>719680311 I dated someone for 4 years, and it was the worst fucking relationship I've ever been in.
Longevity =/= quality. Especially when she's too young to know what a shit partner she actually has. When she DOES catch on, this gilded house of cards you've built up in your mind will collapse overnight and you'll watch her dump you for one of the men you let her fuck on the side. >probably because he treats her well like a fucking adult
>>719680236 >we've been married for 5 years and together for 7 and we love each other more now than ever. Sounds exactly like my friend who decided to open his relationship with his wife because she wanted to fuck other guys. Oh how they "loved" each other until it was obvious he couldn't get anything as easily as she could, then human jealousy took over and they divorced. Now she's fucking every guy that looks her way and he's stuck with a dominant SJW wife with a kid already. This may be anecdotal but god damn man.
>>719680928 Very well >>719680812 I'm not. We laugh at you for deluding yourself into thinking open relationships are good. Just because it's fun now doesn't mean it won't come crashing down eventually.
>>719680812 >implying i trust your definition of the words "going strong" if you have no fucking idea how a long term relationship is supposed to work, how the fuck do you know what it'd look like when it's "going strong"? fucking autist.
>>719680928 I don't give a fuck what you think you are. Your girl wants the dick from another dude. You're not satisfying her needs. If you had fuck you money, you think she'd suggest fucking other guys? If you had a dick that made her begging for more, she'd want to fuck other dudes? Your girls a whore bro.
you're just one step higher than a regular cuck, cuz you're allowed to fuck others too. I bet there are thousands of cuck couple who are super in love and they have healthy awesome relationship and coulnd't be happier, everyone else is just jelly.
Maybe we just don't give that much of a fuck. Maybe we are just confident enough to appreciate that our girls are with us for a reason. Maybe they love us and want to carry our babies. Maybe that's more important than whether the girl entertained herself with sucking a dick. Maybe that act of fellatio served the same entertainment purpose as watching an episode of Friends. Maybe sex just doesn't mean that much to our relationships compared to other factors that are much more important in a long term relationship.
>>719673521 With people I know, in every case the person that suggests an open relationship does so because they have someone lined up already that they want to fuck without breaking up with their current girlfriend/boyfriend. You can go for it if you're cool with it but FYI girls can get guys just by laying back and waiting for guys to come to them. She could get fucked every night meanwhile you would need to put in work to get anything. That just builds resentment IMO
>>719681875 lol, nice try but you're an idiot. Of course I don't "own" or "possess" her - I have her as a best friend and committed partner. Just like she has me. Just like I have the love of my family - that doesn't mean I "own" or "possess" them, ya fucking dummy!
Sucks how you're not as slick as you think you are, doesn't it?
In my eyes that's just degenerate as fuck. You might as well just have been fuck buddies then.. Plus guys cheat coz they want to bust a nut, whereas girls look for more emotion-based 'experiences'. If a girl feels the need to fuck other dudes then either she's a fucking slut, or the bf wasn't doing it for her.
>>719681608 Then there is literally no point in having a relationship with anybody let alone the woman you're currently fucking over right now. If sex is meaningless, then it renders all concepts of "commitment" meaningless because all a relationship boils down to is an agreement between two people that they want to fuck each other and no body else.
Otherwise, they'd just stay single and continue to fuck whoever they want but tell their favorites "i like you the most". this is where polyamory logic falls apart.
>>719682263 Your view is so ridiculously warped by tradition it's honestly not even worth arguing with you.
Not him, but my wife makes more than I do - she's certainly not with me for the money. And she's obviously not JUST with me because I'm a good fuck either - because we both allow for each other the chance to explore fucking others.
She's with me because she wants to be with me - and I with her. Because we're partners. Because we're in love - love that's stronger than sex or money. You seem to be conflating these things - you can't grasp the fact that they can be separated. That's why it's pointless having this discussion with you or anyone else who feels this way.
>then hurr durr - why are you having the discussion?
Why does sex have to be the dominant factor of whether she "has enough"? What if I'm her soulmate? What if we connect on a deeply emotional or even spiritual level? What if we have the exact same ambitions and goals for our future?
I'm a nice and sympathetic guy. I'm confident, talented at what I do and I'm fairly succesful. I'm a solid 8/10 in terms of looks. I make more money than most. My family and my friends are good people. I'd say I'm a pretty nice catch.
Me and my GF trust each other. We can talk about everything and nothing and have very similar interests and values. We can be totally calm and secure in each others' company. I even give her a ton of mental stability as I support her shitloads to help her cope with her mental issues. We are the best friends AND attracted to each other physically and mentally AND we can see a future together. What the fuck do we NOT get from our relationship? How the fuck does sex have THAT much power to determine whether our relationship is good and valuable?
>>719682632 >What she gives to you, she gives to every other random guy she likes. > There is nothing special she can offer you. To show you she actually cares about you. Even if she does care, she has no way to show this since sex is nothing special for you.
Wow. You are truly out of your goddamned mind. Do you really think the only thing a person can "give" someone else is their body for sex? Do you really believe that that's as deep as a bond between two people can go? Are you really that retarded?
You're spoken like a man who has no clue what a true relationship is. Guaranteed you've never been in one, given the way you talk about it.
Hilarious to see retards use the "human beings weren't meant to be monogamous" logic, failing to see the irony in the development of the concept of monogamy in the first place.
Women evolved to seek out the best potential mate for their offspring, and they choose that mate based on its ability to protect/provide for that offspring. So when they find a good one, they don't want to find another and thus monogamy is born.
It's not some evil Christian ideal that your parents (REEEEEE) shoved on you when you were little. Many species of animals mate for life because of this.
>>719682576 So your going to question the baby to see if it's your or not. What if she still wants to keep it you going to leave her? I thought your love is so strong being a cock old is fine with you why not raising some one Eles kid?
>>719683105 that selection doesn't matter anymore now that we've "evolved" to produce advanced technology.
women can literally select anyone, it doesn't matter. you could end up with a retarded loser child no matter who your mate is and no matter who your mate is, technology can make up for a lot of the old tradition.
So what you're saying is that sex is what "makes" the relationship? That the only difference between a friendship and a relationship is whether you have sex? The only reason you "commit" to your partner is to have ownership over his/her genitals? Nothing else?
>>719683105 It only really appeared in its current form post-organized religion though, indigenous tribes with no contact with civilization predominantly either raise children in groups of 4 or 5 sexually active partners or in harems
>>719683105 The Gibbon ape is actually the only primate (besides humans) that is known to mate for life. Monogamy is actually very rare in nature.
So, if you wanna go by strictly an evolutionary argument, you're completely wrong. Particualrly among primates, females will mate with as many males as possible when they're fertile, and with paternity being in question, will "latch on" to the male they believe will provide best for them. Do some research on Langur monkeys for more information - or Bonobos. They've been studies the most.
And stop talking about shit you clearly are not educated on.
>>719683300 >the only different between a friendship and a relationship is whether you have sex Yes. Exactly. I've had friends for literally decades, sharing more with them than I do my partner in many ways, and I still don't consider myself "in a relationship" with those people because I'm not FUCKING those people.
The only reason you call them your "partner" in the first place is because of a tacit agreement between the two of you to fuck each other and no one else. That is the definition of a "romantic relationship". Someone you like a lot, that you fuck exclusively. There is no point to declaring love to one person if you're going to fuck everyone and feed her pretty lies about how specialer she is than the others. You're wasting her fucking time. There are other men out there who'd value everything she has to offer above the rest, like you refuse to.
I remember my friend and his girlfriend did this. They both found out later that they got H.I.V they also have a kid. It later turned out to not be there's. Be careful dude not dogin on your life choices just make sure about the people you both sleep with.
>>719683477 If I ever get an std I can get it treated. It's not a big deal - and my wife and I have never had one because we practice safe sex above all.
And she's on the pill. If we ever decide to have kids it will be between us. We discuss our extramarital relationships with each other - and often involve the people in our lovemaking (but not always). You seem to have it in your head that we're hoking up randomly with strangers in bars every night. You can't be further from the truth, honestly.
But please - tell me how "one day I'll understand," oh wise one who's never been in an LTR before...
I don't disagree with your statement that insecure people need attention from lots of people. But you gotta admit that jealousy stems from feeling inadequate to someone else - being threatened by someone who is somehow in a position to rob you of something due to their superiority. That fear - jealousy in its purest form - is based on insecurity. If you can't see that, then you fail to understand basic psychology.
>>719673521 i would recommend against it. it makes complications in the relationship and doesn't always feel fair which leads to jealousy then break ups. if you're bi and she wants to bring a guy or she is bi and wants to bring a girl into sex thats great and i support that but open relationships can get messy
Part true, part false. I satisfy the part of her sexual desires that can be satisfied by a single partner. Her sexual desires also contain fantasies of multiple partners. As I am only one person, I'm unable to satisfy those specific desires.
But it's not like she has a desire for some specific sexual act that I cannot fulfil, but some other guy can fulfil it. I am a good lay and I'm open to everything. If her desires can physically be satisfied by a single guy, then I can do it - but obviously, if her desires contain multiple partners or female partners, then no, I can't satisfy them.
>>719684313 >male lions murder lion cubs because of insecurity whew lad, not even that anon but this is some grade A shitposting. they kill other males cubs to stop that males genetics from advancing, which advances their own. like all males in nature are programmed to do. pass on their genetics.
>gf had been hounding me weeks for an open relationship >finally agree >next night she tells me she'll need the room >her boss comes over and looks at me >smirks and heads into my room >had to listen to him grunt while she moaned the whole time >he spent the night before kissing her goodbye >feel like killing myself
>>719685010 >liberal university professor wants to shatter the monogamy myth! God these people need shot. Humans and their intellect make monogamy the most successful way to have relationships. I don't give a fuck about insecurities, jealousy is powerful and destructive as fuck when humans have it. Just because people want to fuck around all the time doesn't mean it's a good idea to let it happen. Shit goes wrong every time, sooner or later.
But it would be impossible to satisfy those specific desires in any traditional relationship. Does that mean that she should be confined to being single all her life? Or should you be constructive about it and try and tailor a relationship model to work for the needs in question?
>>719686803 You're not supposed to try and satisfy a woman's desire to fuck other men instead of you. If she wants that, leave her and find someone who actually loves you and has morals. Let the whore be a whore if she's so obsessed with the idea of "experiencing" more in life. Don't let her bring you down when it comes crashing down for her, because it will.
>>719686803 No. Its just a thing you have to deal with I guess. If you dont care about it then its fine I guess. Its strange thou, since for many men, having a 'rich' history is a massive red flag. And if you care about it, lets hope she does for you as much as you do for her.
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