Feels thread just 404'd. Lets pick it back up.

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Self bump.

I can post a few things I got from the last thread if ya want?

Ok. Bear with me. I've only told my wife this once before while broken down drunk and crying. Last thread 404'd but here it is

>be lt in not so war zone "combat deployment"
>everything is chill and lax because there had never been an incident in this country aimed at us personnel, just the occasional terrorist attack against the refugee camps and government regime
>ROE mandates that we are not allowed to carry weapons or wear uniforms while traveling between locations because we're in a "friendly nation"
>also, no tactical vehicles, so we're driving civilian rented vics
>making a routine trip between locations, just myself and an e5 sergeant who has seen real combat before
>he's falling asleep at the wheel because he just got off a 12 hour shift
>going through the sketchiest stretch of the route
>I watch a mother in full burka pull out a hand grenade and hand it to her son, not more than 9 years old
>he is visibly smiling, has no clue what his mother has told him to do, and is approaching our vehicle
>I am watching, see my driver is asleep/not paying attention

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>>719369416
Please do

>>719369674
>we're driving a truck, instantly analyze not wanting a grenade in the bed
>time is slow, know I have ~6 seconds before detonation
>I think road is too narrow to drive around and avoid
>kid is still smiling, casually holding grenade, walking closer
>I see my wife and 1 year old daughter
>primal instinct takes over
>"it's me or him"
>I press down on drivers right leg to hit the accelerator
>grab wheel, steer into kid
>hit him with side of car on a turn going ~35mph
>he goes flying
>continue for an eerie amount of time
>driver is obviously awake
>"what was that?"
>music still blasting in truck
>"n-nothing"
>he shakes it off as a bump in the road because the roads are shit
>"left turn here here"
>he turns
>hear a loud boom
>I know it was the kid dying
>driver speeds up
>he knows that sound
>I to this day don't honestly know if he knows or not the entirety of the situation
>"uh, sir...."
>"Right turn here. Left turn, right turn, right turn"

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Consider it done anon.

>>719369789
That was all that was said the remainder of the ride. What kills me to this day:
>I hate myself for swerving into the kid, I didn't need to in order to escape
>how could a parent do that to their kid, as I look at my daughter just filled with so much love for her
>why didn't I aim for the mother and try to kill her instead of the kid

I've tried rationalizing it as "the kid was dead either way" but it only numbs the fact that I actively tried to kill him myself.
What really gets me is,
>how I'm glad it did explode and wasn't a dud grenade...because it helps me feel better I didn't make the worst decision. Some how that knowledge makes me happy I managed to try and kill some largely innocent kid.

I'm largely over it. I think. Only really comes to mind when I'm having a really bad day. Otherwise it's a pretty much removed memory.
Thanks for listening.

>>719370025
>>719369789
>>719369674

Fuck, man. That sounds awful. It especially sucks that when all people understand is violence, it's all they can teach.

What country, if you'll tell??

>>719370025
Thats a really shitty situation but you made the best decision in that case. Im sorry that happened to you.

>>719370230
you barnacle eatin ass nigga
aint got a pineapple to live in ass nigga
lookin mad drab all the time ass nigga
eat a crabby patty nigga

>>719370142
Shit dude, anything else in this story?

>>719370606
There were a few anons who sent messages to this guy, but I don't have the caps saved. Soz

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>>719370205
God fucking DAMNIT

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Just look up the video on this image. The video was released just as my girlfriend and I at the time broke up. She went through something super shitty and I wasn't there for her. The Army killed my happiness. I miss her so much.

>>719370268
If rather not say, it isn't confidential, but I never reported it, and it's a very narrow job in that country. I'd be easily identified and could get fucked for failing to report I took contact and killed a kid, even with good reason this far after the fact

>>719370301
I mean, "I signed up for it" but I always imagined a somewhat "romantic" idea of taking rifle fire, returning with my own rifle. That sort of shit. Not running a kid over who had no idea what he was doing.

>>719370205
Fuck.

>>719370205
ouch

>>719370025
shit mate, that's rough

>>719368645
Alright, almost posted this in the last thread, but hesitated. I'm gonna finally get this shit off my chest..

its been 4 years since my wife went back to her home state. We dated all through our teens, and got married when I was 20 and she was 19. We moved out of her home state and halfway across the country for my job, I was living the goddamn dream, beautiful wife, amazing job, friends always around.

I was knee deep in a bottle of gin when she left, and to this day have no clue what I said or did to cause the final fight, or what I did to push her too far..

The only thing I remember is standing on the stoop of my apartment building asking her for a hug before she left, and when she hugged me she said something in my ear that I can't remember. I can only remember the way she smelled.

I'm still legally married to her, we haven't spoken since she left, I've always been against social media so I've had no contact whatsoever with her. I don't even know where she's living.

I spend my nights trying to remember what the last thing my wife said to me before she left was, but I can't..
I have nightmares of her laughing at me as she runs through the hallways of some massive house. every time I round the corner where I think she is, she's already turning the other corner far down the hall saying things like "it's really okay, you shouldn't worry"..

I just want to remember what she fucking said to me.

I'm sorry Katie, forgive the boy.

>>719370077
This stupid one always always ALWAYS makes me cry. My dog is my best friend in the entire world. Im going to be wrecked when I lose him.

>>719372223
Be a big boy and ask her. Find out where she lives from her parents and get her phone number.

You can resolve this and not have to live in regret.

>>719371517
Great video

>>719370205
Reminds me a bit of my brother. Always a bit shorter but smarter than the other kids.
Then one day this bully beat him so bad he had to go to the hospital. He didn't tell me who it was. He was still afraid.

I found out and proceeded to pound his face into the pavement until I was dragged away.

Turns out I blacked out and cracked his head open. He needed multiple facial reconstruction surgeries and ended up with brain damage.

>>719372469
I'm not even sure how to go about that anon. Everyone just keeps telling me to divorce her and let the courts find her. I've dated since then, and I'm sure she had as well, but nothing tops her, and I'm far too afraid that's not the case with her.

>>719372856
Fuck man no comment.

>>719373241
Live your life in fear? Or face truth.
I personally demand the truth. I couldn't live a lie.

You may not regret it now, but one day you might, and it might be too late.

I feel like I never share anything personal with anyone in my life. Forgive me if I get a few of the mannerisms wrong, I mostly lurk.
Im a fitbro, I browse /fit and I lift. I go hiking, I camp, I hunt. Im active, attractive, and easily approachable.
But Im still depressed.
I want to die. Every second of the day. I hate shitty human civilization, I hate people, I hate the city. I've never even told anyone this, so it feels weird sharing it with possibly hundreds of people I dont know and I never will know.
My dream is to fall in love, move to a remote island or homestead as far away from other people as possible, and live the way nature intended. No one knows about this, and the only person i ever intend to tell is the person I marry

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>be early 20s
>realise you're emotionally stunted
>resolve to work on it
>think you're making progress
>reach 40
>realise you're still emotionally stunted
>wonder if you were actually even trying or if you were just lying to yourself all this time
>honestly can't tell
>nobody else knows either

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs2ZHiVQtZw

"I gave her gifts of the mind,
I gave her the secret sign,
That's known to the artists who have known,
The true gods of sound and stone,
And word and tint I did not stint,
For I gave her poems to say
With her own name there and her own dark hair
Like clouds over fields of May.

On a quiet street where old ghosts meet,
I see her walking now
Away from me so hurriedly
My reason must allow
That I had loved not as I should
A creature made of clay
When the angel woos the clay
He'll lose his wings at dawn of day"

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so weary of remorse and estrangement from so many. On one hand just want to say fuck it and exist in my new normal. but lingering woes feel so heavy...idk wtf I'm even saying. can't speak about this shit to anyone really.

idk what's worse, the times when I can't feel anything or the times when I can

>>719368645
alt+tab

>>719369952
Underrated post

>>719373856
"If you stare into the dark long enough, the dark stares back.."

Where I am now is my reality, and I've come to terms with it.
I completely understand where and what I am doing. I've dropped all communication with the little family I have, and keep my circle of friends below 10 people..

Its been 4 years, we're different people at this point. I just want to remember what she said.

>>719372856
Seems as if he got what he deserved. Good man.

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I guess I'll contribute...
1/?

>>719374038
I can't blame you
Society and the people it has created are terrible
I hope you get to fulfill that dream

>>719376369
Meh shit happens.

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>>719376369
2/?

>>719368645
My best friend recently got a gf, but it kinda makes me sad at the same time since I considered us both outsiders and yet he managed to find someone he considered compatible with him and someone who actually cares about him as much as he does and yet I'm the same quiet bitter guy that I've always been. I'm far from finding someone who cares about me because I can't find it in myself to care about other people or myself, no matter how edgy it sounds. I suppose the difference between him and I is that he's more open to people while I clearly close myself off through my behaviors and all.

>>719371909
>tfw you realise you actually did want to do nothing
I'm fucking garbage

>>719374038
I'm also attractive, but my looks don't matter as I'm a headcase. I used to be social but not any more. I actively destroy everything I come across. I want to die, as I am friendless and alone.

I wanna get fit. But don't know how.

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3/?

>>719376685
This is some samwise level shit.

>if ever I were to marry, it would have been her

>>719370142
Checked out his facebook. Hasn't posted anything since December 2015. I hope he's alright.

>>719376735
That's what got me about this post. I think that I delude myself through saying that I want to be somebody and be successful, have people who care about me and respect me but deep down it's all bullshit and that I just want to be alone and not have to worry about people or have anyone worry about me. I want to live without having to go through the tings that make people alive because I don't care.

>>719376164
Faggot move on

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4/?

>>719376912
pretty much. I still love my family though. but I just don't feel much need to spend a lot of time with them.

She promised she'd never leave, but she did anyways

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>>719377026

>>719377114
Yeah, I get it. I feel like I don't need much beyond what I already have and I'll be fine, but I feel like I'm numbing myself to other things I want. I feel like I'm at where I want to be (which is disappointingly doing nothing,) but it also clashes with the other places I want to go in life and it sucks.

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>>719377181
Same thing happened to me 4 years ago, anon.
Still think about her.
5/?

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>>719377181
They always do anon. They always do.

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6/?

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7/?

>>719377395
I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but I would have died for her, anon. I was gonna marry this girl. She was the love of my life, it was actual love at first sight.

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>>719377656
8/?

>>719377758
8/trap wearing a mankini

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>>719377758
You aren't me but hey whatever I guess... We are just here for the feels...
Actual 8/?

>>719377309
How old are you?

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>>719377700
I know its hard /b/ro, trust me.
But maybe you'll find someone else. Someone better.
What happened between you two anyways?

>>719378068
19, why do you ask?

>>719377931

this one is for retarded virgins. i don't have feels for such rejects.

>>719377330
Damn anon, that hit hard

>>719378131
You must be from Texas... you probably have a redneck name like Austin or something, fucking redneck.

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>>719378185
Sure it might include people like that. But I've tried to fill the hole she left and it's still her that I think about...

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>>719378328
Shit. 9/?
And 10/? now

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>>719378277
California, actually. And I don't think my name is redneck-y but thanks anyways.

If you guys want some real feels go watch the movie La La Land. i know it sounds like a chick flick but it really fucks your shit up. Really good movie.

>>719378452
Is your name actually Austin? that was just a wild guess...

>>719378565
Nah, it isn't but it is a "white" name so I'm not sure if it'd be considered redneck. I think it's more higher class suburbs kid if I had to say.

>>719376906
I see, me too

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Hey lads, can I get some advice?
>turn 20 this month
>go to liberal arts university, love it there
>college football player, pretty fit
>recently rushed a frat

With the bg info out of the way, here's the meat of my problem.

>have never been in a relationship, virgin
>many are surprised at this fact, with so many people saying "you're so nice and honest" and all that shit
>every girl I've tried to get to know better would reject me in various ways, almost all being low and devious, with no honesty upfront
>from lying that they're busy, excuses, and just flat out ignoring me or blocking me on twitter
>try my best to be kind and understanding, for that's just who I am, but with banter to go along with it
>always willing to give second chances
>always find dissapointment
>just want love
Got any advice for me lads? Wanna hear what y'all have in mind. I know many say why bother, but I just feel it's a missing part of my life. I don't wanna be alone during my limited youthful days.

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11/?

>>719378103

>meet girl online
>inb4 "faggot e-relationship"
>be just friends at first
>no romantic attraction whatsoever
>in fact she was a real cunt to me
>she had a shitty home life and took it out on me
>she clearly needed a friend so I let it happen for a month
>ask her to Skype one day because we never have before
>she says no
>pester her for a few minutes
>she reluctantly agrees
>my god, she's beautiful. numbers out of ten cannot describe her
>the way she smiled at me
>she wasn't rude at all
>her laugh melted me
>mine melted her
>I will swear this until the day I die, we fell in love over a stupid Skype call in a single night
>I asked her to be my girlfriend
>she said yes
>told her I loved her three days later
>she said the same
>lasted for over a year

She cheated on me a lot. I even bought a plane ticket to meet her man. This girl was my life for a year. I can't even sleep at night anymore because I became so accustomed to falling asleep to her voice on skype. I'm a god damn mess.

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i think 4chan is going to be madddddddddd

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I've always wanted to own a boat, but I know I'll never be able to. Not really feels-worthy for this thread now that I think of it, but that's okay. Not every post has to be a depressing rant about depression and life, why not have a boat feels thread instead?

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12/?

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>be me
>be well established for a young man
>life's good
>older sister who basically raised Finds out she has stage 3 cancer
>be there for treatments, see her going through more pain than a human should have to face
>be there when she gives up and decides to stop the treatment and just go home
>she's normal for almost a year before she starts going downhill
>in that time the only thing we ever connected on was the film interstellar
>she loves it, quotes it all the time and all I do is bitch that its only a rip off of 2001: a space odyssey.
>flash to when things got really bad
>she's been sent home from the hospital with hospice after a really bad spell
>we both know what's coming
>she makes it 7 weeks before she's laying on her bed, crying, all but hysterical.
>death rattle comes
>I'm holding her hand as she breathes out the words "do not go gentle"
>I get what she means and pull out my phone to read the poem to her.
>get barely into it before I see her mouthing the words along with me, with tears pouring out of her face.
>when it came to her end both her and I were screaming the lines of the poem.
>I re-read the poem aloud as she stopped speaking and her grip loosened on my hand.

Of all the things I can say about my older sister, she did not go gentle into that good night. And I'm goddamn proud of her for that.

>>719378746
Fuck me for falling for someone 3,000 miles away, right?

I want to kill myself so badly. The only reason I haven't is because I'm scared it's gonna hurt.

>>719376782
Go to the gym and lift. Browse /fit for tips and tricks, google routines to base your lifting off of, and have determination

>>719378721
Nice guys finish last.
Good guys finish first.

>>719378721
You need to raise your standards. You need to be confident, be interesting or at least find someone with the same interests, and try to make sure it's someone you can picture yourself with years from now.

>>719378131
I feel like I'm in a similar position as you, what are you doing rn with ur life? School? Work?

>>719370011
I remember reading that on TIFU. It's so fucked up that a man can be accused of a sex crime and get prison time because of it. Despite there being no actual proof besides the victim's testimony. This is actually one of my worst fears.

I have to go to jail for two days in February because I skipped my medication for my bipolar disorder and I ended up walking home with a package from work. It was a laptop. I was completely fucking delusional and I can't believe I did something so stupid.

Has anyone here been to jail? What should I do?

>>719378867
I like this post

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13/?

>>719378897
post pics to see if it's worth

>>719379067
School. I feel like I'm working for something so that I can "succeed" but I don't even know if my hearts full into it. It's honestly been so long since I've been 100% for doing something for a long term goal that I've forgotten how it feels to be truly motivated. Shit sucks and I should probably see someone about it but like I said before, I'm just not sure anymore.

>>719379272
Sorry to disappoint, but I deleted all pictures of her. I couldn't stand to see her anymore.

Her name was Leila, and you'll have to take my word on this one, but she was the most beautiful woman in the entire god damn world.

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14/?

>>719378746
Met a beautiful girl named Abigail that way
Fucking 11/10
Fucked me up every way possible no matter how hard I tried to be what she wanted

>>719379437
Goddamn.

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15/?

>>719378860
A house boat would be neat

>>719379506
I'm sorry it happened to you, buddy. I'd hug you if I could.

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16/?

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>>719379585
Yeah, I've always wanted to stay on the high seas, a house boat would be pretty good.

>>719379287
College is a grind, therefore it's not fun and therefore it's not motivating. Just grind through it and you'll start making good cash and have fun. That's what I think at least

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This one hits me so hard i'm left anusless

>>719379745
Oh I thought I heard the old man say

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17/?

>>719379653
Thanks /b/ro
Should've saw it coming anyways
I'm a 5/10 at best in my opinion
She was way out of my league and it was dumb to think it would work

I want to be close to people, but I don't want to open myself up to others.
I want to find love, but I don't know if I even believe in love.
I want to be successful, but will that really fill the void that I have? Will I actually feel successful or will I still be the same?
I want to stop feeling like I'm missing something in life even though I don't know what it is I'm missing.

I want so many things, /b/, and I don't even know if I'll know when I have them.

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18/?

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>>719379937
I know this feel anon. when I actually think about the things I want in life, a lot of them contradict or at cross purposes to each other.

>>719379777
Yeah, that's the plan anyway. I guess I just gotta keep going until I make it like I always have been. Cheers, let's hope we find what we're looking for.

>>719379937
Killing yourself would help with most of your problems.

>>719379910
I'm a 5/10 also, but that doesn't excuse the actions of a heartless woman. We'll find new people hopefully, regardless of our looks.

>>719379745
It would definitely be neat to just be able to sail off and enjoy the ocean for a few days at a time

>>719380056
or ARE at cross purposes*

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19/?

>>719380060
What are you studying? And how enjoyable is it /10?

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20/?

>>719380142
Business, I was indecisive and went with what I thought was safe. It's alright and things could definitely be worse, but it isn't exactly the greatest, y'know?

I guess I'd give it a 6 or 7 depending on how I feel, though I guess the problem's more with me sometimes than my surroundings.

>>719379069
Agreed, I have a friend from college who was falsely accused, but the girl admitted she lied before things got serious. Didn't matter though, everyone on campus knew. My buddy was treated like he had 'rapist' tattooed on his face. Girls I hook up with always want to meet at the bar and get wasted and get feely and then wanna sleep over.. what happens when a chick regrets it? What happens when someone prints your name on an article and the internet bandwagon or community bandwagon pins you as a rapist for life, without evidence, nor trial. Happens too often anymore

>>719368645
Human https://youtu.be/sycgL3Qg_Ak

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21/?

I hope you all have a good night /b/. It's 11:32 pm where I am.

Even I sound like a faggot when I say this, I appreciate every funny shitpost. I really couldn't ask for much more.

>>719379177
I was in jail for a couple days in America. No big deal anon, lotta cool people in there and a lot of positive people surprisingly (county)

>>719380436
Goddamn house, always getting me.

>>719380512
I'm also in America going to county jail, that's reassuring. Before I talked to my lawyer I was sure I'd be going for like a month or something but I think I can handle two days. I feel a little better now, thanks anon.

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22/?

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I feel like this is going to come off wrong. It might seem pathetic, or trite, or something else entirely. Maybe one of you anons will care to read it and commiserate.

I'm a 28 year old anon. Been coming to /b/ for 10 years now, if you can believe that, but I really only come for feels threads on rare occasions. Anyway, my life has gone completely downhill. I'm a college grad, but I'm not doing anything special. I have lost most things that had any meaning for me, for reasons that I don't really care to go into, and for reasons you don't really care to hear. Basically, I lost my job, lost my car, and lost my sense of direction through no fault of my own. All of this shit happened a few months ago. The anxiety and depression I've dealt with most of my life has only gotten worse. I started cutting again, only my legs so no one will see. I've contemplated suicide practically every day. I want to quit everything.

Since all that happened, my ex has come back into my life. We dated for about 5 months, and it was getting semi-serious. At one point we discussed moving in together. I really cared about her, and I still do. It was over when she broke up with me, saying that she needed time to work on herself, but that she thought I was the "perfect boyfriend", and she felt bad about leaving. When everything happened, she popped up again. She's been extremely helpful to me, like paying me for small jobs around her place, getting me a bike (and equipment) so I can get around, helping me look for work, encouraging me to find help with my anxiety, etc. I am so appreciative that I have someone kind enough in my life to help me with those things right now.

Cont in next post.

>>719380499
I'm heading off to bed as well, so good night anon and good night to the rest of this thread. To the guy who I was taking about school with, you're a cool guy in my book and I hope we meet again on another thread. To the rest of you, I wish only the best for you.

See you all later.

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23/23
Headed to bed now
Hitting around 2am here.
Need to head to sleep before the alcohol starts hitting me too hard.
Goodnight, anons.

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Is there any way to stifle the haunting thoughts in my head besides a fucking bullet?

>>719381049
Gnight Anon, thanks for the dump

>>719380875
>started cutting
>again
Yep you are pathetic and need to man up

>>719381151
music works for me sometimes

or if I can't sleep and my mind won't shut up, I find an old cop show on netflix or youtube and just chain episodes of it til I fall asleep

haven't found anything that permanently works though

5 years ago.
I lost my son at birth.
I got to hold him after.
I cried so hard for over an hour.
I feel so empty now.
Its been 5 years, i dont feel anything, joy, sadness, anger, happiness.
All of its left me.
The only reason im still here is cause she needs me.

>>719381151
I've been feeling suicidal every day since April of last year. When it gets really bad I take out a pen and paper and write suicide notes. It makes me stop and think really hard about the exact words I would use to explain why I want to die. Most of the time I don't finish them but I keep them around so I can look back and remember why I couldn't write it.

Maybe that will help you, anon.

>>719381405
Anon have you tried taking antidepressants? It could help you get rid of the emptiness.

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Check this out lol you can view anyones secret snapchat pics! dont share it so it gets patched

>>719381609
The last meds i took were ridden. (Doctors Orders)
I almost hung myself i dont trust pharmaceutical anymore

>>719381419
Fukin hellgo outside and do something nice for someone u self absorbed borderline fagit

>>719381419
Stop wasting paper cunt

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What's something fun to do?
i'm tired of being mad all the time.

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>>719380875

She has me completely confounded. I don't know if she is doing these things for me because she is pitying me, if she wants to get back together, or if she's simply being a friend. I really want to get back with her. She is someone I can really see myself with. I ever wanted to break up with her originally, and I did everything I could to make it work. I don't know why it couldn't work again.

It has my friends and my therapist worried. None of them want me to get hurt, yet in my current state I am so vulnerable. I am desperate for affection. I don't want sex. Sex hasn't been as much of an interest for me since I was assaulted. I can't divorce the idea of sex from the way that I was used. I don't enjoy it with others, and I barely enjoy it when I'm alone. I need real emotions. I need tenderness. I need someone to hold me. I need to feel like someone gives a damn about me. That's one of the things that she was really good at. She made me feel cared for. I know she is capable of that. She knows about my mental health and is understanding.

If she's really only trying to be a friend, I don't want to ruin that. If she wants something more, I want that to happen if I can. My friends don't want me to get hurt, but is it really her fault if she's only trying to be a friend? Is it her fault that I am misreading her intentions? I don't know. I don't want to lose her. I really need her support, because I don't have many people that are nearby that are willing and able to do things for me.

My therapist wants me to have a talk with her, to flesh things out. I don't want to do that. I know how that will go. I can't handle the anxiety of bringing up the topic, and then the possibility of being let down. I can't handle another hit to my heart. My head tells me that if she wanted to be with me, she would make her intentions known. My heart says that she is going that right now exactly.

I want to die. Life is mostly pain with sporadic, fleeting moments of mild joy.

>>719381419
you should write some really weird notes too. then keep those and the suicide notes all in the same spot. that way if you ever do kill yourself, people will find all the notes at once and be confused as fuck.

BITCH ATE ALL MY PEA UT BUTTER NOM NOMS AND THEN LEFT ME. SHE ALSO TOOK MY CAR But fuck that shit right

>>719381775
In August I got a nasty rash and swollen throat from my medication and I know how you feel. I hope you find something that helps you feel better

>>719381931
Just get on tumblr already fagit. Wah wah wah sooky sooky sooky

>>719381973
That wasn't from the meds, that was from suckin cock

>>719381775
I don't blame you man, I take ambien for sleep and propranolol for blood pressure and anxiety, and that's it. every antidepressant, mood regulator, every other psych med I've been on has done something weird and bad to me. from making me sleep 16 hours at a time to giving me compulsive thoughts to making me delusional. I'm glad that shit helps some people but it sure doesn't work right on me.

>>719381931
my autistic handwriting looks like it's written in Chinese so I'm sure they'd already be confused. to be fair I've only written like 9 notes in a year so it's not like I have a room full of them but who knows maybe I'll start writing more

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>>719374038
>hate human civilization
>move to a remote island
I feel the same here anon, when I was a kid and a teenager I thought I was a humanist. Today I am horrified to discover I distrust mankind so much.
But then I say to myself : Hey, let's do my little part to change it.
I tell myself we can become better men and women, all of us, that anyway we don't have a choice if we want mankind to survive. Someday in the future, in hundreds or thousands years, maybe our species will be able to live in a better world for everyone.

>>719382035
why are you replying to me, I'm not the one who wrote a whole sheaf of suicide notes

>>719382097
it was Steven-Jacobs disease, if someone has that on their cock then they have no genitals

>>719382170
Who are you then? Jon?

>>719382134
write some in actual chinese. or just make something up. go full voynich manuscript on that shit. if the world is gonna be confusing and frustrating, might as well dish it right back.

>>719382252
no

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>>719382207
Naaah they still got em... Sorta. Anyway wanna chill and Netflix?

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>>719382207
:(

>>719381901
Are you me?

>>719382322
those are some good looking yams

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>>719382362

Not that I'm aware of. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone.

>>719382383
Wow that is some powerful cringe. Your fedora collection must be....ugggggggge

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>>719382465
hawt

>>719382552
Everyone who isn't rich and thin says that buddy

>ITT A bunch of gleefully depressed borderline fagits, get therapy bitches there's no other way out for you stupid cunts

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>>719382592

Yeah, I guess so. What difference does it make?

>>719382726
Stop being a little bitch about it and find a reason to strut

My best friend is proposing to his girlfriend in a few days and I want to be with her but I know I can't. She's the only person I've been able to talk to about really painful memories and she's had the most fucked up life but she's kind, beautiful, hilarious and strong. I wish I could fall asleep next to her every night but I could never hurt my friend. I'm supposed to feel happy for them but I just feel depressed and alone.

It fucking sucks, /b/.

>>719382686
/b/ cracks me up sometimes
>you should get therapy
>no don't get therapy, therapy is bullshit, waste of money
>you should go on meds
>no don't go on meds, it's a scam, muh big pharma etc.
>you should meditate
>no don't meditate, that doesn't do shit

about the only thing anybody can agree on is that eating healthy and getting sufficient exercise and sleep will have an effect on your mood. it might be a huge effect, it might be tiny. but it'll probably do something. however, this is 4chan so let's face it, nobody here is doing that.

>>719382965
actual advice for all you fags, ignore your problems until you finally end your own life or just suffer through it till you die some other way.

>>719383047
or that.

actually you're right in a way. powering through it and acting like it's not a big deal is a pretty good way to separate the real problems from the wimpy first world problems.

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>>719382850

Cool story bro.

>>719383100
yeah and for the real problems you just have to find a way to fix them that works. i take medications and it helps me with the problems i have no control over. If it doesn't help someone else they just have to figure it out themselves.

smoke a bunch of weed and eat doritos, it's impossible to feel sad.

>>719382965
Kek anyone who actually wants advice from the shittiest image board full of the the most fucked up deviants on the Internet is already screwed

>>719383313
true

>>719383196
Why so pensive friend?

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>>719377724
underrated post

I feel like i can't love...soon to be 24 and had a few gf's before, never felt something special for them and always broke up after a few months. I grew up very well in a loving and caring family and i'm wondering what's wrong with me. I'm trying to tell myself that i just didn't met the right one yet but idk man, feels like lying to myself..anyone in the same boat?

I had to put my cat down last Thursday morning. I've been running on autopilot since. I miss my little buddy. Help me /b/

>>719383782
I'm 19 and I've never dated, never been kissed, and I've never had sex. I grew up in a hostile household where I never learned to show affection and now I think I just bum people out if they aren't my close friends. My parents never wanted kids so I didn't ever get that feeling of wanting to meet someone and fall in love. Now I'm probably just destined to die alone.

>>719374038
You're pretty much me

>>719383956
I'm really sorry to hear that, dude. My cat is my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without him.

Have you thought about adopting another cat? It always feels nice to know you're helping one out.

>be me
>3 days ago I wake up in my bed, find that it's surrounded by paramedics and police with body armour and guns
>ask what happened "you're friend was worried about your safety because of how much you had to drink tonight, we're here to make sure you're ok"
>fuck, I become regrettably quite aggressive because I'm drunk and scared and I don't like police very much
>eventually I calm down and stop refusing to talk to them
>I have to convince them that it was not a suicide attempt while drunk as fuck since they seem to think it was
>Mum is hearing all of this
>Eventually they run some tests and leave

Mum confronts me about it, she's not angry, but she's scared and sad. I talk to her for a while but can barely even construct proper sentences because I'm so fucked up.

Mum thinks I'm crazy, maybe I am.

>Today
>Stressed as fuck
>Wake up to the sound of a phone call
>Don't reach it in time, check voicemail
>"Hi this is Susan from (counselling organisation), I wanted to talk to you about your referral to us from the police, please call me back"
>Second time this has happened in the past few days
>Remember that Mum booked a doctors appointment for today
>Go to the appointment
>Mum explains the situation while crying
>Eventually leaves and I sit there explaining all the problems with my life to the doctor
>They take me for a blood test and recommend a psychologist

Psychologist appointment is tomorrow
Mum is still unstable and scared
I'm scared

When I was younger it looked like I was doing really well in life. Where did it all go wrong?

>>719384224
Yeah, my brother has one that isn't getting the love he feels he deserves and wants us to take it but i just can't right now. I feel like I failed him.

>>719378891
I'm sorry for your loss anon

>>719384523
What was your cat's name?

>>719384636
Salem. We weren't trying to be a sabrina rip off lol

>>719384409
Hey man there's nothing wrong with getting medical help. It sounds like your mom and friend just want to help you. Just be honest with the psychologist about everything.

I've got a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow, he's helping me transition to a new doctor since I dropped out of college and I no longer have school insurance. Good luck to both of us tomorrow.

>>719384832
Haha that's a cool name though, I'm sure he liked you a lot. Cats are assholes but they're good friends. After you think about it for awhile it'd probably help to take your brother's cat, you could help each other you know?

>>719384925
Thanks Anon, it's just scary because I've never done this before and I was kind of thrust into it by the police situation, also it's not something I would usually want to involve my Mum in but not much choice.

>>719385188
I had to go to a psych ward for half a day after I told my aunt I was seeing a psychiatrist. She called the non-emergency police number, told them I was suicidal and wanted me to check in to a mental institution, it was ridiculous. I hate involving my family with that sort of stuff, but it's worked out alright with time. Honestly talking to a psychiatrist or counselor is pretty nice, they're completely neutral and I've never felt judged. I hope it helps you in the end, anon.

>>719385104
Yes, but I just want my cat back right now.

>>719381405
I lost my two year old daughter a year ago. It's almost a relief, nothing will ever hurt me anymore after that. Stay strong friend.

>>719378746
a long distance relationship never work anon

>>719387076
PS - Anons, who are lonely, hurting, in need of advice, support, or a listening ear, save this photo and email. Use it today or a month from now, whatever you need.

When did you depressed anons first start having suicidal thoughts?
I was 11
I'm 20
And not a day goes by I don't think about ending it all

>>719384063
that sucks man...and also this is the point i don't get, i had all of that but it meant nothing to me. I know i'm living a really lucky and good life but most of the time i feel so empty, like what does that all matter if i can't really enjoy it? I hate myself for these thoughts because i know many people like you are having a much much harder time and i still fail to develope any real bonds with people... i prefer to just play vidya and smoke weed and not care about anything..and i hate the fact that i like it so much

>>719388428 when i was 12

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an anon wrote this the other day

>>719388428
Started at 13
Got worse at 16; left home, cut myself open and collapsed 22 miles away on a dirt road. Woke up 8 hours later in an ambulance.

At 18 I had open-heart surgery (born with a medical issue). Considered taking all the heart meds at once bc nobody cared to check in and see if I was ok. Recovered alone.

At 27 I lost my father and the entire family shunned me, left me to drive away with nothing to remember him by. No funeral or anything... considered running off the road.

Another heart surgery and then my fiancé left me, at which point I swallowed 45 Percocet. Woke up in the morning having puked up 20+ of them. Spent 3 days recovering while a 17yo girl who used to think highly of me stood guard and drove me to doctors (not a romantic thing, knew her from church).

That was three years ago. Haven't been in that deep of a rut since.

>>719387076
Saved... for a friend

>>719391487
Is this considered vaporwave?

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>>719378891

>>719369789
I almost believed you until you fucked up...first you say e5 Sgt. Then you call him sir? I cal bs faggot.

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>>719391487
Not true. Lain can do whatever she wants.
And everyone loves Lain.

We need to all love Lain.

>>719391660
>2013

Really?

>>719373241
Bro fucking find her!! The best thing walked out of my life 2 months ago. 5 days ago I wake up to a call that she was finally coming home. We talked on and off while she was gone. And as much as it hurt me walking out I understood why. With severe PTSD I can be one hard fuck to live with. But I did everything I could to seek the help I needed and to prove to her that she was the best thing in my life and I would never do her wrong. I'm telling you don't hesitate don't think about, just lay down your ego and fight for your wife. That's all she wants.

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>>719392026
>really ?
dylan died in 1953, 2013 is probably the date the picture was made

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>>719376369

>>719381901
You need to bring this up to her. not us. and in these words, in plain speaking and fast.

There is no alternative and if you don't do it nothing will change

end of story

>>719380051
i was the guy who downloaded that reddit post and put it into image form, it kinda tickled me to see it reposted.

>>719378860
I feel you man. The waves cradle and lullaby would let me rest like I haven't for years

>>719392620
>>719392620
>>719392620

>>719391895
I love you, Lain.

>>719390697
well shit. that bummed me the fuck out, thanks /b/. off to take an exam.

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>>719378418
Holy fuck this is a fucking resume of my life, i never noticed before.

Holy fuck, i feel weird.

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>>719392821

>>719378744

Would be way better if it wasnt quoting a fucking limp bizkit song.

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>future robot

It's 4 in the morning and I'm crying my eyes out

>>719395108
Sometimes it's what we need anon. Let it out

>>719395108
Are you a west coast /b/ro?

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>>719374469
second song I heard from eevee, looks like I have to check out more of her/his songs.

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the first voyager probe was sent with a golden record of voices, music and animals noise,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpptII291aI&t=12s
if one day mankind disapears, one of the only thing that will remain of us will be this record

about every couple years I have a dream where I feel genuine happiness
emotion so strong it makes me realize what a pathetic imitation of an existence my actual life is
I had another one of them recently
it feels so deeply sad and disturbing, yet I'm also deeply grateful I even got to experience it at all
I wouldn't know it existed at all if I hadn't been shown a taste via neural lottery
I want to feel that way again
I want to know how damnit

Im going to bed but It would be nice to hear your answers anon. Why haven't you killed yourself? It doesn't matter if its simple or complex, just say it.

My reason is that I feel like me family would be sad, and that me suffering in life is better than them suffering because I died.

>>719396199
I'm scared to die and similar to you I know it would absolutely destroy my mom and may even cause her to kill herself. I just have to outlive her and see how I feel then.

>>719396199
To put it short, I originally decided not to kill myself so that I could experience as much happiness as possible before I did kill myself.
My reason slowly became something closer to total fear of death.
Now, I only wish to hold out for a chance at immortality, and if/when there is a time I know without question I have no chance at such a thing, I will either go back to the first thing or make sure I never have to fear again.

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>>719368645
post lain

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>>719396810
>>719396810

>tfw Iyou're once again in the sad part of that endless "despair/hope" cycle

>>719384409
Can i fuckin post?