Ylyl- Green Text Edition

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i'll dump what i got

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>>718713235

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>>718713302

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>>718713377

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>>718713444

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>>718713503

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>>718713668
my personal fav, not really greentext but nvm

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>>718713781

>>718713841

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>>718713945
forgot file

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this one is legendary

>>718713302
Top snozzle

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>>718714780
this can't be true

>>718714100
>>718713841
>>718713812
>>718713781
>>718713668
>>718713503
>>718713444
>>718713377
>>718713302
>>718713235
Thanks for some laugh anon, lost couple of times

>Never been to a Subway before
>Decide to bend it like Jared
>Go to the counter and order the meatball sub
>They ask what bread I'd like with it
>Start sweating
>Tell them original
>They don't know what I mean
>Keep repeating "original bread" over and over
>They just grab a loaf and ask if I want six inches
>Get flustered but try to reign in my anxiety
>"Heh heh nah I'm seven and a half so lets to that"
>The silence killed me
>See they have guacamole
>Tell them I want guacamole on it too
>They say they don't have guacamole
>Think they're just messing with me
>Sweat harder
>Tell them I think they do
>They tell me they don't make guacamole but they could put avocado on it if I prefer
>Scoff at them and say sure
>Tells me it'll be an upcharge
>Scoff again and tell them to load it up then
>Finally reach the till
>They ring me up and ask for the total
>I hand them my card
>They swipe it
>Then swipe it again
>Once more
>My card was declined all three times
>Stutter out an apology and hand them my other card
>This one is bent and cracking due to leaving it in the wash
>They look at it and shake their heads
>Swipe
>Swipe it a few more times
>Keeps getting an error
>Inform me that payment isn't going through
>By this point three people behind me are waiting to pay
>Tell them to give me my card back and I'll do it myself
>They hand it to me
>Swipe
>Swipe once more
>It works
>Laugh and say it just needed a bit of love
>Bob head when saying this
>They straight-face tell me to have a nice day
>By this point visible pit-stains and a damp spot on belly
>Walk out and eat in car
>Employees capable of seeing me from counter
>Catch them glancing over every now and then
>The sub wasn't that good either

>>718715962
Kys

>>718715962
My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.

>>718713235
The fuck are tendies?

>>718717259
GTFO you fucking piece of shit smelly obvious newfaggot cunt fucker!

>>718713965
a real hero

>>718714262
how is everyone on /b/ this retarded?
its a fucking prop hand

>>718717547
>pushes cylinder down friends throat into his stomach

That wouldnt happen

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>>718718857
that's on a different board

>>718719079
sure, afterall /b/ would never fall for that

>>718719079
Ieuw

>>718718492
Don't cut yourself on all that edge, faggot.

>>718716854
Apex kek

>>718713377
That was a good fucking thread, I regret not screenshotting it

>>718713965
Pretty fake, but still gave me a chuckle.

>>718717259
Go back too Jewbook

>>718719621
topkek

>>718721521
Jesus fucking Christ you degenerate. An hero plz

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This is one of the weirder ones I've read.

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Personal favorite

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>>718722705
that's not my story you dumbass

>>718717259
Chicken nuggets

>>718722639
iwanttobelive.fgt

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>>718715662
My fucking side

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>>718713377
been looking for this for a while cheers anon

>>718724546
Chicken TENDERS faggot

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>>718715962

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>>718725136

>>718725398
why do faggots always have to edit the originals post ? because i was in that thread, and it was "but first i need to post banana on /b/"

same for the date, pathetic piece of shit edited it to 2014... same for the one from 2013

>>718713965
Well done. Here come the test results: "You are a horrible person." That's what it says: a horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.

>>718725136
Fucking dumbass, it's Chicken TENDIES!!!
>autistic screeching

>6th grade
>three mates playing basketball at school court
>one of us missed the shot
>ball rolls somewhere near the autistic kid
>take the ball anon
>no
>his face becomes white
>kys anon, take the ball ourselves
>hes gone
>nvm, continue playing
>gotta take a wee
>go to the school toilet
>open the door, the same anon is there taking a shit under the sink
>wtf anon
>he stands up, shit is hanging on a tiny string
>manages to push me out cuz im helpless laughing hard
>let me in anon i wont tell anyone
>no
>he holds the door for solid 10 min
>classes are over
>i run away, older students go to the same toilet
>finds him
>i can hear seniors laughing histerically from the other end of the school
>next class he is not there
>comes back to a final class with new pants
>acts like nothing happened
>i cant contain myself
>spill the beans
>things work out during next few weeks
>he changed school and ive never seen him again in 15 years

>be me
>working at mcdonalds
>notice fat kid trying to climb on the mcdonalds playset
>doesntbother.png
>notice that he took off his pants and is running around like a mexican high on coke.
>ohshit.gif
>notice he's squishing another smaller kid with his fat rolls.
>mysides.jpg
>decide to not be a mean asshole and help the kid from getting squished.
>a fart interrupts evefyone in the area and it goes silent for 5 seconds
>oxygenmask
>run and push the boulder over
>theres shit everywhere
>Run out of the Mcdonalds gagging like yoda smoking kush.

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>>718713812
This is still one of the best.

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>>718715154
>snozzle

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How can I grow tendies like these?

>>718727926
ARBYS! They have big meat

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Not greentext, per se, but hilarious nonetheless.

>>718719079
Lost

>>718725136
not sure if bait or just autism

>>718717365
tl;dr

>>718714262
That made me uncomfortable. VERY.

>>718714780
>>718715324
Its actually kind of sweet, if you think about it. How many people are lucky enough to see the VERY MOMENT their lives began?

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>>718717365

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>>718719621

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>>718727502
wut

>>718714100
"i was drunk" lost

>>718713781
Trying not to laugh cuz I'm next to my 1 year old but damn it's hard.